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163 – It’s a dildo day

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 163 – It’s a dildo day

In my last post i mentioned wearing a dildo to work.

i will tell you all about what happened….. and in the end, ask you again, “Am i a sex slave and submissive wife? Or just slave? Or just a submissive!” Where the line from sub ends and slave begins is my unanswered question at the moment.

But maybe it’s not really important what title i (or you) put on it. It just might be more important that i was following a directive from my Sir. And i was submitting…….

He said, “Bring me the inflatable dildo.”

Yes Sir. And i did.

He said, “Spread your legs.”

And i did.

And he pushed it up inside me. (i wear no panties, per his instruction from long ago. In fact, he took them away and i haven’t seen them since. i can’t wear them if i wanted to.)

He said, “Set an alarm for 60-minutes. Every hour, you will pump the bulb twice. And then report that to me in person or text.”

“Don’t miss or forget to do it, every hour. Both the pumping and the reporting.”

And he grabbed the pump bulb and squeezed it 5-times to give a start.

And off to work i went. The entire dildo fits right up inside me, but after it is squeezed many times and it inflates it becomes difficult to keep it inside. When i mentioned that to Sir, he said, “squeeze your legs tight to keep it inside.”

And that’s basically what i did. i had to or else it would have fallen out … into my pants and would’ve slid down my leg until it came out. NOT happening to me while at work!

Every hour. All day. The alarm went off, i gave two good pumps, and texted, “Another hour. 2-more pumps.”

By the day’s end, i had received 25-total pumps. The dildo was quite large. It felt fine while inside. But when i had to take it out for a restroom break, pushing it back inside was a major effort for sure! It i wasn’t going to disappoint my Sir, and i followed his instructions to the T.

And mid-way through the morning, in addition to the dildo, i received a text. It said, “Time to edge.”

i stared at it for a minute and texted back, “at work? Now?”

And he texted back, “Yes. That’s what i said.”

Thankfully i have my own office and have a birds eye view of anyone approaching, so i pushed my hand down in my pants and found my clit. i rubbed it until i almost exploded. i was at “the edge” of orgasm. And i wanted it. i wanted that orgasm.

It took everything in me to stop. But i did.

Why did i stop? Because i am a submissive (or a slave?) and i was told to edge. i was not told to orgasm. Orgasms from my body do not belong to me. i agreed long ago to never orgasm without permission. And i haven’t been given permission on this day to do anything other than go to the edge of orgasm.

i texted and said, “i have done it. But i really want to cum.”

He texted back, “Good girl. No. Do it again. Now.”

Holy crap. i did it again. It took about ONE minute and i nearly went over the edge. In fact, for a split second i actually thought i had gone over the edge (and orgasmed).

i felt panic rise in me. You see, because i am submissive, i want to please him. And had i gone over the edge, i would’ve felt badly. You’d think i would enjoy an orgasm and relish in the moment. But no, i would have no pleasure in an orgasm that is not allowed. And i wouldn’t want to see Sir’s face when i had to tell him i orgasmed without permission.

i was relieved when i knew that i had … quite literally…. gone to THE EDGE but had NOT gone over.

i told Sir all these things and he was quite pleased with me.

He said, “You will receive your reward when you are home. Now two more pumps and don’t forget to continue.”

By the end of the day, my puss was sore and stretched. But i was happy!

Upon getting home, Sir said to lay on the bed and wait for him. When he came in, he played a bit with the dildo pushing it further in and back out again. When he pulled it out fully, he commented on just how inflated it was and was impressed.

Then he put all five fingers inside me and pushed all the way to his knuckles. And pushed in and out. Then while in, he moved his fingers rapidly.

i begged him to allow me to cum. When he said no, i responded with, “Please Sir… either stop or allow me to cum… otherwise i will go over the edge without permission and i do not want to.”

He smiled and said, “Orgasm all you want.” And his fingers moved easily inside me and he felt me squeeze and release all over them! He kept going and i felt the ripple of more orgasms flow from me freely.

When he pulled out, i was exhausted.

We were both disappointed that he couldn’t get his hand all the way inside me, but we have determined his hand is simply too large. He said he will find a female suitable to do it for us, and when he does, he will take pictures. i will be ready!

i followed orders and was rewarded with multiple orgasms at my Sir’s hand… quite literally. i pleased him and he pleased me!

That all happened yesterday. Today, my puss is sore and thankfully allowed to rest. Will wait to see what tomorrow holds.

So what do you think…. submissive? Slave? Some combination of both? Or does it even matter….. i do as i am told, and i am rewarded. And when i don’t, i am punished. i happily accept both!

Hugs,

Marie

162 – submissive or slave?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 162 – submissive or slave?

i have always thought of myself as a submissive, but at times i’d say i exhibit signs of being more like a slave.

What’s the difference?

Well, everyone probably has their own definitions really of what a submissive is versus what a slave is. But i would say it has everything to do with the amount of control the sub/slave has. A sub has some, whereas a slave has none (or very few!).

No matter what titles we associate ourselves with, we all have the right and control to say NO. And we all should respect that when we hear NO from our partner(s) it is final! So i am not talking about consent at all. Because a slave has willingly consented to giving up the control to make all decisions on her own and yielded everything (or mostly everything) to the Master. But while a submissive has given up most control, definitely not all.

Now, i want to also clarify, i am not talking about real-life-slaves. i am not talking about like it was in the US 1800’s and Civil War times. i am talking about the kinky submissive (or slave) lifestyle. Where the slave has willingly given up control. Not that it has been taken from them, like it was for the real-life slaves that was done then.

In that same sense, some might say a submissive is indeed owned, but a (sex) slave is instead not just owned but possessed.

A submissive has safe words, while quite frequently a slave has consented to no-consent, giving up those safe words.

A submissive has the right to sit where he/she wishes, whereas a slave is typically on the floor by her Master’s side.

A slave must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave.

THAT is how i define the difference between a submissive and a slave.

With those clarities in mind……. i have always thought of myself as submissive. But lately, i wonder if i have “slave-like-tendencies” too, especially when it comes to sex.

i have come to the thought that maybe i am a “submissive wife and a sex slave.” Or at least, i want to be. i want to be a submissive wife AND a slave lover to my Sir. So in general life, i am a submissive. But when it comes to sex (or anything intimate at all), i would love to call myself his slave. i say this is how i’d like it to really be, but it’s a hard balance.

When it comes to daily life, i don’t believe it is possible or even practical to be a slave. To be frank, i don’t know how that actually works for most people. Maybe the slave is a stay at home wife and can be naked, chained up, stuffed with a cock, crawling on the floor, and eating out of dog/cat bowls. But none of that is practical with a job or kids. And maybe not all of that would apply to every slave either too, but the point is made too.

So for me and my life, with a job and a kid, it seems being submissive is the best way to LIVE. i defer to David on decisions effecting me and/or our family, i ask him permission to do and/or go places, and i (try!) not to argue. And should those things fail to happen properly, i am punished, which typically comes in the form of a spanking but not necessarily just spankings.

But now the second part….. when it comes to sexual activities or alone-time, i would like to give up all control. i would love to serve him in the ways he deserves and possibly prefers. i think he tends to feel valued and appreciated more when i am pleasing him, in life AND in sex, which leads to positive synergies for both of us…. in bed AND out!

And maybe that’s where we kinda operate (best) already anyway. We already do some of these things as it is.

Like when he says get naked, i do. When he says to edge, i do. When he says do not orgasm until he says i can, i don’t.

When he says i am to be spanked, i have only once called yellow and it was intentional on Sir’s part. He wanted to test me. But even then, i wasn’t aware of his intentions and i was trying very hard not to say it.

So i guess i don’t know where the lineeeeeeee is between sub or slave. At what point do you say, “i am a sex slave to my spouse!!” ?? Or are all these just other examples of being a good submissive and not a slave at all??

Today is another example of a sexual slave-like thing that i did to please my Sir. Today…. i am at work. And i have an inflatable dildo sex toy inside me.

Sir said, “you need to bring it to me before going to work.”

So i did.

He said, “spread your legs.”

So i did.

He pushed it up inside me. Gently. Not painfully.

He said, “you’ll wear this all day today. Every hour you need to give it two strong, good pumps. I want it very pumped up by the time you get home. You should feel the stretch. The point of this will be to stretch your pussy, but i expect you’ll likely have some pain as it trains your muscles to relax.

You should NOT take it out or release the air at ALL today, without permission, with the exception of bathroom breaks. Even then though, do NOT release the air. It needs to go back in the exact same way it came out.

This will make me happy. Will you willingly comply?”

i said, “yes of course Sir. Thank you Sir.”

And i was dripping wet! Knowing he is happy makes me soooo happy and soooo wet too!

Why is he stretching my pussy? Well, he has always said my puss is way too tight. When i orgasm, and he is inside me, i tend to squeeze tight and ultimately push him out. It isn’t at all intentional!

So he says we need to stretch it out to not have that happen and to allow his “cock to have a warm, inviting place to stay….” and i agree wholeheartedly! Even if it will hurt and be sore by the end of the day, it is well with my soul!

My puss belongs to him all the time, but especially today!

Does my willingness to stretch it out and feel some pain, with a smile on my face and knowing how happy we both are with this, move my sex-temperature from being just a submissive to being a sex slave? i just don’t know……

But i think i have no/few limits as to our sex-life, and rarely use my safe words. In fact, i try very hard to NOT use them and instead, to accept his will as my own. i trust he will know my limits and/or ask if he is unsure, to which i will always answer truthfully.

While he has never ordered me naked and on the floor by his side, if he did, i would do it. Willingly. Happily. And without a single complaint. Most days anyway, and of course, not when our son is around or when i need to go to work. So there are limits within the no-limits-for-sex zone, which probably puts me back to my first thought that i am just a submissive because sex-slave isn’t really practical.

So again, do these sexual tendencies make me a slave for sex? or maybe a part-time slave and a full-time submissive or maybe just a submissive who likes a strong Dominant in the bedroom or ……

Yes, i am indeed getting caught up in terms and labels. But i am just speculating and thinking out loud about these things too.

i will likely explore this topic further in future posts too. What do you think? Where is “the” line? Is it possible to be a submissive for wife duties and a slave for sex activities?

Or maybe i’ll tell you more about my day with the dildo. Which would you prefer to hear more about? 😉

Hugs,

Marie

161 – Clothing optional

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 161 – Clothing optional

As i said before, i am having a hard time being naked now that it is winter. For two reasons:

1) it’s cold. Are you shivering as you walk around the house!? Or do you sit under many blankets on the couch… making it where you may well not officially have clothing on, but you are still covered up? (Making the naked part a moot point?!)

i am too cold… and practical…. so i want my clothes on.

2) i guess i don’t “enjoy” being naked. What i do enjoy is him noticing, seeing, touching freely, and being happy. Some might call that being an Exhibitionist, including ME. Exploring labels for myself was a short-lived series of posts, but maybe i should revisit that list to see if longer posts are in order… including Exhibitionism because i DO like being on display!

But if those things – Sir noticing, touching, commenting about my nakedness – don’t happen, well….. what’s the point? ……… And then i tell you to see #1 above. Circular referencing… leads to putting clothes on in Winter especially.

But…. you all gave me some ideas in that last post about clothing and i felt inspired. i decided to try something. i don’t have to be wearing full on Winter Wooly (not-sexy) PJ’s just to stay warm.

The first thing i have done is many (many!) searches for “crotchless PJ bottoms” and “PJ bottoms with snaps in the crotch” and “easy access PJ’s”.

i haven’t really found anything that would give David access and me warmth/comfort. What i have found is a lot of lingerie, onesies for smalls to wear diapers underneath, or just regular ole’ PJ’s. Come to think of it, this might be a great product/ business idea…. creating sexy PJ’s that allow for easy access, but warm – when privates are not in use – too! If you have some, or find some on the internet, comment with a link! i want to buy them! or maybe i need to sew some!

Failing that search….. last night i asked to take a bath and David said yes.

FYI: It is a rule that i have to ask to do things i find pleasurable. And i must always ask to get in the tub because i am naked, alone, tits and puss right there to see, fondle, arouse… and well… you get it. This could also be a topic for another post so i will stop here on this and get back to it.

After David granted permission for me to soak in the tub, i decided to make it extra warm. Not scolding, but warm enough that upon exiting i would feel my blood pumping and essentially be “overheated.” To make it where i needed to cool off, rather than add on winter-thick PJ’s.

So this is what i did. And when i got out, i decided to sleep nude. i thought this was a win-win. Not cold, AND able to be on display for his viewing pleasure.

As i walked to my side of the bed, on the wall side, i passed David, on the bathroom side. He had just gotten in bed to read himself and he noticed me walking naked. (As i said … win-win!)

He said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

i said, “No, not unless you’d like me to be covered up Sir.”

He said, “Won’t you be cold?” (Even he knows how cold i get).

i told him what i had done, and he smiled. That’s when he reached over and played with my (still pierced) nipple. He likes pulling them outward, and especially now when the nipple is semi-erect all the time anyway. Yet another longer post idea, so will also stop here on this too.

As he played with my nipples more, i began to feel aroused and he could see it on my face. He said, “What will happen if you wake up in the middle of the night horny? Will you play with yourself??”

i said, “No Sir. i will have to ignore it and go back to sleep…… OR ….. (insert devious smile on my face)….. i could go down on you and suck you hard, then climb on top of you, and fuck you til i cum. And THEN go back to sleep.”

He smiled and said, “if you can do accomplish all that, then go for it!”

Well, i slept well and never woke til morning. Upon waking today, he said, “i didn’t sleep through my blow job, did I?”

When i responded with, “No Sir,” he asked why i didn’t do it. Of course i told him how i didn’t wake up. Which was all said while putting on a PJ top, to which he asked why.

To that question, i said “because it is cooler in the living room than the bedroom, and besides, i am not covered up by a pile of blankets.”

He responded with only a “hmmmm”.

i think maybe he DOES enjoy seeing my naked body and being able to fondle me at will. Maybe i need to sleep naked more often again too. And when i DO wake up in the middle of the night, even with him sound asleep, fuck him hard… for my own pleasure… it would be for my pleasure until he wakes up and joins with pleasure of his own. 😉

So i get #2 above satisfied with prancing through the bedroom on display for David to notice, and #1 satisfied when we snuggle in to sleep… under the 9-blankets already on the bed!! Making this circular reference go in the best possible order!

Have a great Monday…. Christmas is almost here!

Hugs,

Marie

160 – of course!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 160 – of course!

There was Friday Maintenance! And i won’t deny… i liked it. i was grateful. Appreciative.

i think that’s part of why and how we went awry in November… we were too busy and too uninterested in doing it. And the further “off beat” one becomes, the longer it takes to find your way back.

Thankfully we didn’t go tooooo far away from the norm. Our normal. Our Domestic Discipline norm.

i hate to admit it, but on two separate occasions, when David was quite angry with me, he yelled, “did it occur to you, that you are NOT as submissive as you think?” And “maybe you just aren’t being submissive at all!”

To which i responded in kind with angry words of my own, saying, “well if you don’t think i am submissive (enough), you have a means of dealing with that!”

And yet, for whatever reason, he didn’t. He didn’t bend me over and just spank me. i don’t quite know why. i was really a bit angry about that too actually.

So while i’d like to say it’s “all his fault”. He could’ve avoided a lot of difficulty if he’d just turned my backside red! But we all know, a relationship is not one-sided. It takes two! i should’ve asked to be spanked. i shouldn’t have just thrown it up as a great challenge. So it wasn’t his fault … not entirely anyway.

And yet, i didn’t. i didn’t just go get naked and Assume The Position to be spanked. i should have. And yes, he should have too. He should have just spanked me.

Thankfully we seem to have turned a corner and now are resuming our normal. And i couldn’t be happier.

On Friday. Even when we already did Maintenance this week, it was a time to do maintenance again. Because that’s what we do on Friday mornings. While i didn’t want to be spanked, not really,, i did want to be on track and be back into our normal.

So because i wasn’t sure if we would be doing it though, i asked. As i was about to shower and get ready for the day, i spoke to David, “Sir, i am curious if you intend to do maintenance since we did it already this week on Wednesday.”

And he said, “Yes, most definitely we will do maintenance today. i am starting to cook breakfast so it will be a few minutes, but you need to be ready and in position when i am done.”

And i was. i was ready. Naked. In position.

He swatted my butt in the exact same spot for many minutes! It stung so badly. But i managed to stay still and in position for the second time ever. i was SO proud of myself.

At that point is when he asked me, “is that enough?” And i paused…..

i didn’t quite know how to answer.

i wasn’t at any limits or nearing the “yellow” mark, but then, that’s not the point of maintenance either.

And yet, did i think he should stop as the lesson and reinforcement was in full effect?!

i didn’t know. And i guess i paused entirely too long.

Because that’s when he said, “I’ll take your non-response as a ‘no, that is not enough…’ and i will continue.”

And he did. With more intensity. It stung so super badly and i was wishing i had said to stop.

That’s when he asked me again, “is this now enough?”

And i said, “Yes Sir.”

And he said, “I agree.”

And i stood up and he kissed me deeply and told me he loved me.

No orgasm. No touching. Just maintenance. And a red hot ass.

After getting dressed and ready to leave, he grabbed my ass and said, “it feels warm to the touch still. I did good.”

And i said, “Yes Sir.”

He said, “that’s a good thing!” And yes, it was.

And the day was off to it’s start.

The thing about maintenance is that it works. i am super submissive for several days after it. And quite frequently, as we near Friday again, the intensity and commitment to submission starts to wane. i tend to forget to say Sir, or ask permission for things that i know i am supposed to, or to show the same respect.

So maybe two maintenance sessions in one week will prove to be a good thing! Time will tell.

And i wonder if two in one week will become a new normal. i kinda doubt it. But time will tell on that too.

Hugs,

Marie

159 – TMI Tuesday – Polyamory

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 159 – TMI Tuesday – Polyamory

TMI Tuesday does a weekly blog post prompt. i haven’t ever participated, but i read many other posts of people who do. i have no particular reason why i haven’t participated, but until now, i haven’t. So today is the day… on this SATURDAY, i will participate in the prompt for the week….

What is considered moral or immoral, accepted or prohibited is generally defined by the norms, values, and beliefs of society.

1. Agree or Disagree. If people want to have more than one spouse they should be allowed to do that.

Agree – i mean, why can’t we? Why is it NOT allowed? What harm is there in allowing people to sleep with (or be in a relationship with) whomever they want…. when it is consensual and openly discussed and openly and fully agreed to?!?

2. Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy?

Yes. My definition of “ethical non-monogamy” means that we have done it in a positive and open way. We haven’t been cheating or deceiving one another one bit. We all agree to be in a sexual relationship with more than one person, and we are all OK with it.

3. Is polyamory something you want?

Most days, yes. Some days, no. Most days, it is very well, good, and lovely. Some days, it just feels like “too much” mentally and physically…. but then, that’s pretty much true in life. Right? Some days it’s just too much!

4. Do you wish that your ethical non-monogamy was a societal/cultural norm?

i wouldn’t say it is “my” ethical non-monogamy, but aside from that and in keeping with the spirit of the question’s intent, Yes.

Again, why can’t we? What is the harm? Oh, i know there can be harm.. mentally. But it doesn’t have to be. And the key is the openness, communication, and agreement by ALL.

i think the “ethical” part comes in when we are open and completely communicate about it. Interesting enough, most Americans believe cheating is grounds for divorce, yet, swinging and open relationships is fun and exciting. So it just shows that COMMUNICATION is key. And when all are on board, it can be FUN and positive…. which ultimately leads to ethical non-monogamy.

5. If you are in or have been in an open sexual relationship, what are the best bits?

We are swingers, which by the definition for most, would qualify as non-monogamists. So, yes, i suppose it would qualify me to answer this question.

We treat swinging like a hobby. Something new, different, keeps things from being stale, gives us more to talk about, and a reason to get together with new and exciting people.

We meet and get to know a lot of people through this lifestyle. And because it is NOT a social norm, although becoming more widely accepted too, it comes with a built-in trust. You can trust swingers to keep your secret. You both have given the other a lot of useful gossip and/or damaging information about one another that if exposed, could cause damage to your reputation. And in some areas, cause job losses or financial disaster. So from the minute you meet a swinger, you already have a built-in trust!

So the best bits are …. fun, excitement, non-stale relationships, and trust.

Bonus: Describe what your ideal intimate and/or sexual relationship would look like today.

If it were entirely up to me and in my full purview (which it’s not!) to make the ideal intimate relationship happen, i would love to meet a couple (swingers), who we are ultimately committed to and us to them in a 4-way relationship. Some might say “married to.” Or maybe a better analogy would be “in a committed long-term, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.” We likely would still live in two homes, but not necessarily. Maybe we would move in together at some point, but maybe not.

We would be 4-way monogamous, meaning any of the 4 of us can have sex with any of the 4 of us but, upon agreeing to be committed to one another, we would only be sexual with the 4 of us. We wouldn’t invite others into our relationship to stay. Ultimately creating a situation where we would (essentially) be married to one another in a 4-way polygamous relationship.

Any of us can have sex with any of us at any (mutually-agreeable) time and without pre-approval from the legal spouse. We would also likely not “just” have 1-on-1 sex, but rather regularly have 3 or 4-somes, in any combination agreeable, also.

We may also agree to swing outside the 4-way marriage, but we likely would not. But that swinging would be for the express purpose of just sex and/or a “hobby” sport, not for seeking long-term relationships, since we have one another already.

What would be appealing to me here is not just the sex, but the commitment. The built-in friendships that grow and blossom. The dinner dates, the shopping buddy, the vacations together, the person who sends a text to say “hi, I’m thinking about you today!” All those things bring a smile to your face and joy in your heart.

And to the question above about “do i want a poly relationship” i responded with “most days.” Well, in my ideal relationship here, that answer would work and still applies. If i don’t want to go to the 4-way family dinner tonight, i don’t have to. If i am not feeling sexual tonight, i don’t have to do that either. But if the other 3 are… they can go to dinner and then have sex as much as they want. And then the next day, when i do feel in the mood for those things, maybe one (or two) also don’t feel like doing those things and the exact combination of who within our 4- would participate could be different yet. And of course, the days where we all want to do things together, we absolutely would! This would keep it very alive and well-good for all of us!

Let’s face it though, i am not in charge in my own traditional (with swinging as just a date) marriage, let alone having the sole ability to craft this 4-way relationship that i have just described above. It may one day naturally just fall into place, but somehow… i sincerely doubt it. And that’s ok! But if it did…. i would be SO happy and well…. oohhh laaa laaaaaa!

Anyone want to apply for the position? 🙂

Hugs,

Marie