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217 – Fine line between passing and failing!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 217 – Fine line between passing and failing!

When we go out of town… i tend to press the envelope of acceptable behavior. i don’t exactly mean to. Most of the time, it just happens.

Our family, all 3 of us, is currently out of town for 3-days. i am making a concerted effort to do better this time. And yet, i’ve already had some (small) slip ups. Hopefully the small doesn’t add up to a lot though too!

And that’s just it…. Small things are usually done and taken all in good fun. It’s when it happens over and over, becomes intentional, or even habit forming that it’s not ok anymore.

We are visiting in town to visit a university that our son is interested in possibly attending, so we came to town on Sunday and will be here until Tuesday.

On Sunday as we were trying to find a place to eat dinner, David made a comment that went like this, “when I was online looking for a restaurant, there were like 10 open places on this Sunday night. Whereas other nights… there would be… like…. Well… a bunch.”

To that, our son repeated, “yeah. A Bunch!” where he said in a mocking but funny tone.

And i laughed.

Mostly at our son being a bit of a smart ass, but in a fun, kidding kind of way. Our son had no malice or ill will intended, so it was funny and we (our son and i) laughed at David’s expense.

To which, David said, “hey! I hear you laughing at me. You will get in trouble if you continue!”

Our son heard that and immediately assumed it was directed at him for his comment, so he said, “ohhh yahhhh I’m so not worried.”

But in reality, while David’s comment may have been directed at him, or may have been all in good fun too, i tend to think it was more of a warning to me. And, all in good fun and the spirit of the moment, i said, “yeah. i’m so NOT worried too!”

My response was said it in the truest smart ass way possible. It was when David looked directly at me and raised his eyebrows that he said, “you should be!” that i knew i was pressing the envelope of acceptability which prompted me to (wisely) close my mouth.

So while it was all in good fun and we laughed, i tend to (ultimately) take it too far and land myself in hot water by the end of every trip. (Aka: fine line… passing and failing!)

i need to be on better behavior (passing grades) now for the next 48-hours or else i may find my ass turned red upon our return home on Tuesday night.

Sooooooo everything you just read was written on Sunday night. Now, Monday morning …. wouldn’t you know……. i wasn’t even able to get this message completed and posted and i got my ass chewed out (verbally) by David in front of our son.

i forgot to bring some medicines (while not life-threatening, fairly important) with us on this trip. As such, now we are having to make some added stops at the pharmacy that were unplanned and out of the way.

Plus of course, it is costing us unnecessary money too because while we have insurance and it should be covered, because we have some in stock at home and it’s “between scrips” While the meds would ultimately get used and the money would ultimately be spent, it wasn’t something that was on our agenda or in the budget for this day either.

When it was discovered, David was extremely irritated and let me know it, in NO uncertain terms too. To which, i stayed silent. In the past, i’d have jabbed back and/or deflected blame, but that ALWAYS gets us into a fight too. So instead, while i did not think i was entirely to blame, i chose to hold my tongue.

Because the forgotten medicine is technically for our son, and he’s 17 and my husband is an adult too, i am not the only one who could’ve or should’ve thought to pack it. Therefore, i am not the only one who forgot it. That said, i am usually the one who takes responsibility and gets it packed, but this time, i did not. And of course, it is needed. And of course, then i was blamed. Ugh!

But rather than fighting about who’s to blame, which won’t change anything anyway (!!) i took the heat in the moment, but i am also now absolutely sure there will be punishment inflicted upon our return home.

Ugh…..

“What will be the punishment?”, you ask….

i have no real idea actually. But…. i am certain it is coming. i will be shocked if it doesn’t happen.

Soooo – now i have 36-hours to try to finish this trip without further issues!

Like i said, it’s all good fun…. Until it’s not.

So cheers to me trying hard to stay good, and yet, not quite making the passing grade! (Get the pun today – as we visit a University, i am thinking about grades and schooling! Apparently i need more schooling in order to have a passing grade!)

Hugs,

Marie

216 – Change…. Is a happening.

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Change. A single word that tends to cause a lot of people a lot of strife. i try hard to embrace it. A friend once told me to substitute the words “process improvement” for the word “change,” BECAUSE no one ever makes a “change” for the worse only for the better! Sometimes there are unintentional negative consequences when change occurs, but it’s never the goal either.

Well…. In the space of (basically) a week, i’ve had a lot of process improvement with great results!

When i receive comments on a particular post (or two), i tend to re-read the actual post as well. i especially do this when the original post is a bit older, like some of my original stuff 2-3 years ago now. But on occasion, i reread the newer stuff too. That’s usually when i find typos and correct them, or i add links to sites or posts, but i try NOT to amend or adjust the original content i made as it was how i thought or felt at the time of the post. And it makes for interesting reflections for me now too, to see the journey and plot twists along the way.

So when KDPierre posted a comment to me on my post that i made JUST ONE WEEK AGO, where i declared myself a sex addict in need of rehab (and chastity), i decided to reread the entire post again. i read the desperation now that i felt then. Now i have a renewed (detoxed!) presence of mind that i did not possess then. The only things I knew then were:

1) i want to orgasm REALLY badly,

2) i was (almost) wiling to do anything to get it,

3) that i was struggling to be submissive, yet desperately wanted to be,

4) wanted to still be a pleasing submissive wife to my Dominant Sir.

i was aware enough to know i needed to lock my sex out of my control to help me remain compliant, as i detoxed out of my selfish masturbating ways.

Now ….. just 7-days later, i realize just how far i’ve come in my sex-detox process in such a few short days, as we are STILL in NO-orgasm-VEMBER.

Change. Sometimes it is quick and sometimes it is not. Overall, i’d say this change has been quick. Not saying i am all the way there, but absolutely in a better place today over where i was last week too! (Wondering already what next week’s improvement will look like!)

While i’d love to orgasm still, i no longer want to move mountains to get it. i no longer think i have to have it. And i especially don’t think i have to have it RIGHT NOW! Instead, my focus has shifted away from me and onto my Sir. While admittedly, my focus should have been on him all along, somewhere along the way it became less about him and rather more about me, at least as it relates to sex and sexual pleasure. And until this orgasm control denial started and i experienced that extreme withdrawal, i didn’t even realize it!

What i realize now is just how badly NO-vember was needed! BEFORE NO-vember started, when i asked to suck his cock, i had ulterior motives. i was doing it because i wanted to get him hard, ride his cock, and get to my own orgasmic pleasure. While all of my actions got him to a happy ending also, my motives were really rather selfish in that i was doing it for me and justifying it in the process by telling myself it was making him happy.

Last night, however, we were laying in bed watching tv. Specifically we were watching college football. Absolutely nothing sexual or porn-like, when i asked him if i could suck his cock. i genuinely wanted to feel his cock getting hard in my mouth but really for no selfish reason at all. If he was wanting it, i wanted to get him off to really give him the sexual pleasure and release he deserves.

He was skeptical. He looked at me and said, “you aren’t going to be allowed to ride my cock. And you can’t get the orgasm that it seems you are after. So if you want to do this just to get what you want, it’s not going to happen!”

It became apparent to me then that he also has thought i have been selfish in my sexual actions. But last night, i genuinely did NOT want to orgasm (okay, i did, but it was NOT my driving motivation! ) but rather to get him to a happy place and for me to service him the way he deserved too.

i realized that he hasn’t been able to have sex with me this entire No-vember because he didn’t think i had enough self control to be penetrated without orgasming in the process. Sadly, a week ago, he was dead on accurate. Now though, while i can’t say how long i’d successfully hold out without having to ask him to stop or pull out, i could do it.

He allowed me to suck his cock while he watched football. i told him before it started to “tell me when you want me to stop or you orgasm, whichever comes first.”

He said ok and i positioned myself between his legs and began to suck him hard. i played tongue twirling games, then changed up the pattern, and used my hands along with my mouth a bit too. That’s when he grabbed the back of my head and pressed himself deep in my mouth, and then started pulling my hair to lift me back off again. He started to fuck my mouth up and down and faster and faster.

When we were done, he told me to show him my pussy. He wanted to see just how wet it was.

i responded with, “Yes Sir” and did as he told me to.

i already knew i was dripping wet, and when his fingers touched me and found how slick i was he smiled and commented about it. As he began to fondle my clit, he looked me in the eye and asked me, “and how much further can you go before you ask to orgasm??”

He had me stand there and he played with me until i begged him to “stop now Sir, or else i will go over the edge and orgasm.” To which he did stop.

When i started to get in bed on my side, he said, “how did that feel?”

i spoke truth when my response was, “simply amazing Sir! i hope you feel the same. My ultimate hope is that you can eventually feel as if you can use my holes to your pleasure without thinking i can’t control my orgasms enough too.”

He smiled and said, “I can see that you are getting there now, as you pleasured me tonight without you becoming so needy to get your own orgasm in the process. But let’s not tempt you beyond your limits either. You probably need to be locked up tonight, don’t you think?”

While i was proud of what i was able to accomplish…. Focus on HIM and NOT on me!!! ….. i was already thinking about how far can i test myself without it being just too much too!

So i said, “i have to agree Sir.” And i went and voluntarily locked myself up for a cozy night with Glory in her place and the keys were handed to my Sir.

All this to say ….. detox hasn’t been easy, but it is happening. My process is improving. My focus is becoming redirected away from me and onto David. This denial has been good. While I didn’t want to have to sleep in a chastity belt to keep myself from touching myself.. again…. this week of night time lock up has been good.

i won’t lie, i would orgasm today if he’d allow me to. But i also accept that it will not be allowed either. i hope that even when i am allowed to, that it is followed up with times of not being allowed to again also.

i don’t want to end up back where i was. i know this change, or process improvement, is good in the end. And it needs to remain in place.

When KD Pierre posted his comment, i saw he has a blog spot of his own, and i read some of his posts and specifically the one he mentioned in his post to me from December 2020. It’s there that he talked about the benefits of orgasm control/denial. That you never lose the desire to O, but when it’s controlled by another, you learn to appreciate it that much more. You learn how to be attentive to the one you serve and to be an even-better submissive. T-H-I-S is so true for me!

i need to maintain my focus on my Sir and his pleasure, respect the rules, and be grateful for the O’s that are given instead of pouting and/or becoming resentful of the ones i think i should be entitled to… after all, as i also wrote about just yesterday….. the O is a gift to be thankful for!

Hugs,

Marie

215 – My 50th Birthday Gifts

Written by Marie on . Posted in Chastity Belt, Forced Orgasm, Orgasm Control, Submission. No Comments on 215 – My 50th Birthday Gifts

My 50th birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. November 25. Next week. Fast approaching. In the month of NO-orgasm-VEMBER.

It’s unclear and Sir is still undecided if i will be allowed to orgasm on my birthday or not.

Last week we were talking about what gifts i would like to receive for my birthday. My immediate response was, “An explosive orgasm.”

To which he responded, “what else?”

i said, “a new purse please Sir.”

And he said, “A new purse it shall be.”

When i asked, “what about the orgasm?” his response was, “I’m undecided about that. I asked what gifts you’d like to receive, and your orgasm is definitely a gift I could give, but then again… what month still remains on the calendar?”

At first i wasn’t sure if that was a rhetorical question or not but something told me i was supposed to respond, so i said, “November Sir.”

And his only word in response was, “E-X-A-C-T-L-Y.”

And that was the end of that discussion.

That will be the last we will discuss that. i am certain. And that’s ok. The gift of orgasm is indeed his to give, and i will wait until it is allowed. While it has now been TWO WEEKS since my last O, i accept it isn’t up to me when the next one happens.

i won’t lie, because it’s officially still NO-orgasm-vember, i kinda do NOT want David to allow it. But on the flip side, it IS my birthday and i only turn 50 ONCE, so i really DO want it! (And did i already mention….it’s already been TWO-WHOLE-WEEKS since my last O. And i don’t remember the last time i went this long……. Like ever! And still almost another week…. Geez!)

If you think about it, your sexual pleasure and happiness truly IS a gift from your partner, and isn’t something you should feel entitled to. Always. In all sexual relationships, including vanilla ones.

But of course in most relationships, if you don’t get it from your partner, you seek it elsewhere…. By your own masturbating hand OR another partner OR both., because you feel entitled to it.

Admittedly, sometimes i can be the same way. But most of the time, i do indeed see it as a GIFT. (And after more than two weeks, it will be a BIG gift when i get to feel that pleasure again!)

What would YOU do if you were my Sir? Would you allow me to orgasm on my 50th or no??!!?

i thought of what i think is the perfect compromise…. (And i already told Sir about this, to which he laughed.. cuz he knows me THAT well!)

i suggested he make me wear Glory. And he makes me suck him hard. After which, he uses my ass hole to his pleasure. (There’s a big hole through the belt that allows him/me/anyone all access to that hole).

i suggested he fuck me hard and fast with that back hole, while i am on all 4’s. Neither of us touch my clit or pussy as it would be all locked up nice and tight!

But….

If i can orgasm without being touched AND while being locked in chastity then i can do so. Otherwise, no!

As i said before… he laughed. He knows i’d orgasm. Easily. Especially now when i am SO much in heat and need it!

He then said, “nice try!”

He then said, “by the time I allow you to orgasm, you could likely cum on my command without touching you anywhere at all!”

He THEN added, “you do realize we didn’t start this No-orgasm-vember on the first? You do realize I could chose to extend this into December in order to get the full 30-days I feel I am entitled to receive?” (There’s that word “entitled” again! But in this case, i think he IS entitled to use the word and to feel the emotion. i willingly submit to him, making things like my O fall under his purview!)

All this makes me think NO, i will NOT be orgasming on Thanksgiving…… aka, my 50th birthday!

And maybe not for awhile into December too!

So i’ll ask it again… if YOU held the gift of my orgasm in the palm of your hand, would you give it to me on:

A) Nov 25, my 50th birthday

B) Nov30, end of No-vember

C) Dec 6th, officially 30-days from the last O, OR

D) some other date at your discretion, to keep me guessing

???

Hugs,

Marie

214 – My DISCIPLINED LIFE is not just about sex

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 214 – My DISCIPLINED LIFE is not just about sex

**Fair warning… full of deep thoughts and i got extra wordy today. Hope you stick to the end, but if you don’t, i get it! 😉

As of late, i have written a lot more about sex than discipline. While allowing sex to happen in any moment that pleases my husband is being submissive too, my “disciplined life” isn’t just about that either.

(** but in times of my intentional orgasm denial, i tend to think, walk, and talk S-E-X… so it’s easy to talk about A LOT!). Plus, domination and submission is sexy too. So there’s that!…. ANYWAY…..)

Our relationship does have rules, just not a formal contract, that include more than “just sex stuff” and all rules apply all the time. No matter where we are, what we do, who is with us…. The rules apply.

That may sound harsh, but i like it. It is consistent. We both know what to expect. i won’t say the rules are always applied correctly, or that we don’t change them, or that sometimes the rules need to be bent for certain situations because, well….they do. i should add that not just the rules are bent, but the consequences are sometimes also as well. While having “always applied” and “consistent practiced” being the ideal, it’s not practical. Unfortunately we have “life” that occurs causing rules and consequences to be bent.

The most obvious of reasons why the rules change (or get bent or transgressions more quickly forgiven without any real consequences) is illness. When either one of us do not feel well, it’s hard to do anything at all, let alone be dominant or submissive.

And sometimes we just “don’t feel like it” too. The most obvious time we don’t “feel” up to following the rules or enforcing the consequences is STRESS (and-or deadlines), especially stemming from work.

When we don’t feel like it, we have problems though. “Houston….. we have a problem” or multiple problems even!

Usually the problems start with ignoring the rules. When we say “it doesn’t apply” in this situation or for this reason or let’s take a break tonight or or or….. it amounts to excuses.

And like all things in life, we need to adhere to certain rules whether we “feel” like it or not. For example… can you imagine ignoring trash day because you don’t feel like it? Or how about ignoring the electric bill because you were “too busy” to get it paid?

We live by rules in our everyday life for a reason: to keep order.

And when they are not followed: chaos ensues.

So what are my rules? Really the answer to this question is also, in part, why we don’t have a contract. My rules are fairly general and generic. Things like, “Always show respect” and “Never talk back” and “say Sir when speaking to David”. And of course, i recently spoke about them in-depth recently and you can read all about it if you’d like.

Most of the times, my rules are easy but sometimes being so generic, it gets misunderstood or misinterpreted and that lands me in hot water. Most of the time though, the trouble i land is is me trying to use the vagueness to my advantage when i don’t “feel” like following the rules. That’s when i say, “oh. i didn’t realize you wanted ME to do that.” Or “i didn’t hear you Sir.” When i did. i knew. And i heard just fine. But I ignored him. On purpose.

And he knew it too.

Now he knows i lied too.

But he can’t prove it either.

And we both know.

THIS is where a good Dominant will enforce the rules anyway. Maybe a warning or a small punishment would be good. The first time. But not over and over.

So does David have rules too you ask? Well…. To lead our family, including me. He is to be fair and reasonable. Not change the rules on a whim. And enforce the rules for me when needed, whether he “feels” like it or not. Of course like me, sometimes he doesn’t “feel” like it.

When rules are enforced, we both know it has nothing to do with feelings or emotions. There’s a black and white situation at hand. There was a rule. It was broken. Consequences ensue. Consequences are enforced.

Period.

The end.

Feelings are not even relevant. He shouldn’t ever feel guilty about giving a spanking, making me stand in a Corner, or do whatever it is that is appropriate for the situation. Nor should i become emotional, try to twist the situation, or try to get out of the punishment. i earned it, i deserve it, and when it is administered we will both forgive, reset, and move on. (**Notice i did NOT say “forget”? Because neither of us should forget. If the transgressions are forgotten, then the rule is likely to be broken again and again causing unnecessary strife for all!)

i suppose really, how we both act or respond during punishment time is somewhat of a rule also. While i may not want it, or he may not want to give it, it is what it is at that moment. Like trash day… take it out and be done. Don’t overthink it, don’t try to change it, or make someone feel guilty, ashamed, or otherwise emotional about it. Similarly, David should just do it, and i should just accept it.

While it would stand to reason that most of the time, a punishment should be immediate, sometimes it’s not.

The three most obvious reasons that come to mind for not administering punishment immediately are:

1) being in a public place at the time, and

2) around our son and

3) when David is mad.

Taking those one at a time….

PUBLIC PLACES: i would say i tend to act up most while in public. i think the little devious side of me creeps in and says, “there’s nothing he can do about it right now.” So i say/do whatever i want, knowing nothing is going to happen. At least, not then or there. (**Read: brat submissive!)

Not then or there….But there’s no reason why it shouldn’t happen later or in a private place. And to that point, sometimes David doesn’t “feel” like it later or we are tired or we forget….. which gets me out of it. i think in some ways, i am counting on him to not feel like it later. Or maybe i am testing him too. Maybe not in an intentional, well-thought-out or appropriate way, and definitely not an appropriate one either.

A Dominant should always be true to his word. If he says, “you’ll be punished for doing xyz”, then you should be. Even if it happens later. But again, we (as humans, including my Dominant Sir) don’t always feel like it.

Let’s face it, we are not young kids or animals. We don’t have to have the punishment be swift or immediate. Because it’s not like i will forget that quickly why i am being punished later! And if i were to actually forget, it’s not hard to be reminded and think back to it when the punishment is administered too.

2) AROUND KIDS: Kids of any age are likely to think Mom is being beaten and abused if they were to hear Mom being spanked by Dad!

Spanking is NOT a quiet activity. Not only my yelps or tears, but David asking why are we here and talking to me too….. but ESPECIALLY noisy is the paddle itself when it collides with my ass cheeks. It makes a “smack” sound that is not quiet at all. (**there’s a reason why i write “S-M-A-C-K” when i describe my spankings in other posts!).

And while Domestic Discipline is in our marriage and a part of who we are, it’s not easily understood by ADULTS even. i know many of you don’t understand this is consensual, band while i can assure you: it IS!!; HOW would i ever be able to explain that to a child?

When i say child, i don’t just mean small ones. Our 17-year old, Senior in HS is still a child. He does not know about our DD household. (**no, he truly doesn’t!). Many people think and have even told me in emails, “he’s not stupid. He knows!” but i most definitely know he does not. i know this because we do not do any activities, including spanking, ANY time he is in the house. David has always spanked me when our son is away. The only thing our son has ever heard is me saying, “Sir” to David but here in the south, that’s reasonably the norm and our son doesn’t think much of it. (i even received a recent group email with several colleagues and clients were on the email, where one of the people replied all to a previous man’s statement with, “Yes Sir.”. My point is, even in the workplace, hearing someone say those words is not very uncommon.)

3) David is Mad. David has NEVER hit me, intentionally or otherwise, when he was mad. This is how i know he loves me unconditionally. No matter what caused his anger towards me, he has NEVER laid a hand on me until after his anger subsides.

And yet, when the anger subsides, those are the times when i KNOW i WILL be punished for it. The consequences or punishments are ALWAYS dolled out for these times. Without fail. But ALWAYS when he has calmed down.

David says he doesn’t trust himself when he gets angry to not beat me, to not go too far, to not just lash out with all he has. So because he’s still in control, of himself and our household, even when he is his most angry self, he refrains from dishing out all that i deserve.

And that’s how it should be!

That’s the difference between wife-beating and wife-discipline. That’s the difference between consent and non-consent. That’s why i know i can and do trust him to spank me when i most need it, but to never go too far either. And that’s why it’s consensual.

So… MY DISCIPLINED LIFE is about more than sex. It’s about rules. Every day, all the time…. But sometimes not always followed or enforced, even if it should be because… well… that’s life. But we try to do our best and move on from there.

Hugs,

Marie

213 – Glory saved me from myself.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 213 – Glory saved me from myself.

Night five in chastity started withOUT chastity. Are you surprised?

As you know now, i have named my belt. It feels more personal than just saying, “chastity belt.” She is named Glory. (Maybe i will go into more detail on another post about how that name came up to me, but also why i feel it is really perfect too! But not now…. Today is about Day 5 of continuous chastity, day 10 of NO-orgasm, NO-vember. (No orgasm didn’t start until Nov 6th, which begs the question if this orgasm denial will end on Dec 1… or be extended to Dec 6… to say it was a “full month” of denial…. More on that as the month unfolds!)

David and i were heading toward the bedtime hour by doing the usual evening routine activities, including brushing teeth, face, etc

David sleeps in lounge PJ shorts … because he can. i sleep nude… because i should. His body is his and my body is his. i am his to see, touch, or play with anytime he wants, so i am made available to him. Usually this works well, but in times of intentional orgasm denial, not so much.

THIS is the longest i have EVER been denied. i do not EVER remember going this long without an orgasm in much of my adult life! i have always had a sexual appetite and whether David has touched me or i touched me, i am touched a LOT.

In fact…..

i am a sex addict! And i think that is a GOOD thing. Wanting to flirt, have sex, or please my Sir is a GOOD thing….. (wait…i realize i am about to go down a squirrel trail and this could be an excellent start for another post, so i will stop here and get back on track!)

So… i am USUALLY touched a lot. But as you are well aware now… i am in the middle of NO-vember…. Meaning, NO orgasms in this month at ALL for me by my touch, David’s touch, or ANYONE else for that matter!

This is way harder than i thought it would be! But i am determined to do it. i won’t fail…. i just CAN’T. If i do fail, i will sorely be disappointed in myself, and i don’t even really want to think about what David will think or what he would do for punishment too! His disappointment would be too overwhelming for me! i would be depressed and beyond sad if i fail. So this challenge is good for me!

As i climbed into our bed, David said, “I see boobs!”

He always sees them at night, but by the fact he commented on them told me he was particularly attracted to them at that moment. (Or maybe he wasn’t, but used it as an opportunity to test me! Just because MY orgasms are denied, doesn’t mean his are in any way, form, fashion deterred!)

So i leaned in close, where his mouth immediately covered up my entire nipple and sucked on it. He grabbed my other one with his hand and rubbed it hard too.

And almost as quickly as it started, it stopped. He let go, laid his head on the pillow, and said, “let’s see if you can go tonight without chastity. You need to be able to do this on your own sometimes too.”

In all honesty, i was grateful he thought i didn’t need it as i had NO desire to sleep with Glory! At ALL! i had already been wrestling with it in my mind all evening long about how i did NOT want her hugging on me and i did NOT want to feel her hard steel against me. i was craving the soft touch of the sheets and to just feel a kinder, gentler love. i just needed a night’s break.

So i was relieved with his words! i smiled and said to David, “Yes! i was thinking that i didn’t need Glory too Sir. This will be good.”

And it was. For awhile.

We read, got sleepy, and then we turned out the lights and fell asleep quickly. i was happy and feeling loved.

Until i wasn’t.

i woke up at 2:30a. W-I-D-E awake. Laying on my back, with complete awareness of how the sheets were touching my pussy. i felt how good it felt when i just moved a millimeter in any direction, and the sheets rubbed against me in the softest way.

i told myself to ignore all that and go back to sleep. i tried. i tossed and turned, fluffed the pillow, switched up my positioning and the covers. It wasn’t working.

i decided to turn. onto my side and put a pillow between my legs to (kinda) limit access (but also the chiropractor says this is good to keep your back aligned too). But that pillow! Oh my! It felt SO good on my clit! Once again after trying to find sleep and failing, i found myself starting to arch my back and my pelvis…. humping the pillow.

i stopped, removed the pillow, and moved back to my back. i let my legs flop open and pulled the sheets outward, so it was taut and tucked it under my legs so that just my knees were touching it. It effectively made a tent over my lower half.

And then i started thinking about sex… and was having (awake-fantasy-dreams) about different sexual positions, activities, toys, and people touching me. i tried to distract myself saying, “Think of other things!”

Think about things like… uhm… thanksgiving …and … my birthday. Around the corner. And what we will be doing…. Which lead to thoughts of, “yeah you know what you’ll be doing… and what you will NOT be doing. You won’t be coming!”

THAT is when i reached down and touched my clit. i rubbed it. My cunt was sloppy slick in a matter of 5-seconds flat. i felt it dripping out of me. And i knew i HAD to stop.

I DID NOT ORGASM. I STOPPED. I ONLY JUST EDGED.

My mind continued on, “You won’t have an orgy like you wrote about before over a year ago. You won’t have all these hands and cocks and even other pussies all around you getting happy using your holes.”

AND THAT IS WHEN I TOUCHED MYSELF AGAIN. i said, “a little more edging is good for me. i didn’t get to THE edge (of orgasm) before. So getting to theedge is good for me. i won’t go over the edge. i can stop!!…..”

AND I DID. STOP. I DID NOT ORGASM. BUT I ALMOST DID. i SO did NOT want to stop. But i (thankfully!) did.

And my mind continued… “only if you are lucky will Sir even allow your pussy to be touched and orgasm because of course…. You poor, poor little girl… your birthday is in the month of NO-vember. Do you think that your Sir should relent and allow you to cum JUST because it is your birthday?”

AND I DID IT AGAIN. I TOUCHED THAT NEEDY PUSSY. AND AGAIN….I DID NOT ORGASM.

And …. My mind Continued….. “What’s a needy little cunt to do when it can’t be touched all the way to pleasure whenever it wants to? Will you be a brat and pout or accept this denial like the good submissive girl you are… even on your birthday?? And won’t you be THANKFUl for it too? Won’t you realize and appreciate how much you are loved?”

THE ENTIRE TIME, MY FINGER SWIRLED MY CLIT. PLAYED WITH MY OPENING. PRESSED A FINGER INSIDE AND PULLED OUT AGAIN.

ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH!

I HAVE TO STOP. I CAN-NOT-CUM. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BECAUSE THIS IS NOT ALLOWED!

i then heard my rational brain kick in and i said, “GET UP. GO GET GLORY. YOU NEED HELP!“

Then i even tried to argue with myself, “but if i have the key, how will that be effective? i can pull her into place, but what’s the point knowing i can use the key (since Sir is asleep and i can’t give him the key for safekeeping.)” That’s when it came to me. i knew the solution.

i went to the closet, laid down on the floor, and strapped myself in her. i am getting to be so close with my chastity belt, i can quite literally strap myself in without lights and only using my touch! (Strapping in is a matter of: straddle the three parts – belt around each hip and metal between my legs; attach one side of the belt to the middle metal part that goes through my legs; hold it in place while strapping on the other side of the belt; put the metal heart-covering through the TWO holes on the front that hold it and the three straps in their place; hold all of this in place to attach the lock over top; twist it to fit securely and lock it closed. And hand over the keys. Quite a bit to do in the dark without eyes, but rather only hands. But i did it, pretty swiftly too actually! i admit, i even surprised myself!)

i grabbed up the keys, went into our bedroom, and on the dresser is a glass bowl that i keep all my jewelry. i softly placed the key in the bowl in order to limit the “clank” sound that was inevitable. i KNEW as it mixed in with the other metal jewels, i’d not be able to lay my hands on it too easily if i wanted to in the dark. So this limited my ability to easily retrieve it back up again. i also knew if i did try, it would make a LOT of noise and probably wake Sir in the process, where i’d have been asked, “what are you doing?” NOT a question i’d want to have to answer at all. Besides, i sorely needed SLEEP!

So i got back in bed. On my back. Legs spread wide. Without ANY access.

ACCESS DENIED!

AND I WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT!

The rational brain told myself, “There! THIS is what you need! You want to succeed at NO-vember and you have the tools to do it. Use your tools wisely. Work smarter, not harder. Now go to sleep!”

And i did.

While i am unsure how Sir will respond this morning to my obvious weaknesses and clear need for Glory to be wrapped around my sex, i succeeded in thinking rationally, getting much needed sleep, AND NO-orgasm-vember. While not exactly what Sir (or i) had in mind at the time we first closed our eyes, i DID succeed in NO orgasms! i am still on the track i should be!

i suspect the rest of the month… i will have night after night of being locked from start to finish with Glory in her rightful place and i am OK with that. In fact, i think i need it. i just hope i don’t have to try (and probably fail!) anymore alone. Glory really does have my best interest at heart! So why not just let her do her job?!

(But here’s to hoping these sexual cravings subside too!)

Hugs,

Marie