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125 – Exciting weekend

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission. No Comments on 125 – Exciting weekend

Not this past one…. but the one Coming up!

You may remember me telling you about our hot date Friday night’s (2-in a row) with BJ.

Well we have still been talking and it’s been two more weeks now. We haven’t been able to make our schedules work to get together since the last dinner. But we all want to.

i won’t deny, our schedule has been the primary problem and i worried that BJ would think we were giving them a brush-off. i’m still a little worried about it, but since we are all still chatting daily, i’m not toooooo worried.

And it seems this Friday coming up (today is Monday), we are going to get together.

This time it WILL be to get naked. We have all agreed and discussed that’s what we want next. That’s the thing about swingers…. we actually TALK and tell one another, “I want to get naked and fuck you.” Whereas when you are (unmarried) and dating, most people tend to not talk and tend to make one another “guess” what the other might be thinking or wanting.

This is why swingers are amazing!

So with our latest chat with BJ (i just love putting their initials together like that!! He he!!), we intend to get naked, fuck one another, and have fun…. this Friday! We have to still work out logistics like where…. and what to tell the kids (they have one teen in the house too). But we have a preliminary plan!

And i couldn’t be more excited!!

Typically if it’s a match sexually, then swingers meet again (and again). And at some point, they become your friends AND lovers. And you even break off in smaller groups – like maybe just me and B would go out and have sex, or just me and J, or David & J. Or do “everyday stuff” like movies or shopping together too! But we haven’t really made it too far with too many couples really. We have gotten to a “few more dates” stage before, but that’s usually when someone isn’t interested or it gets boring or schedules conflict or or or. i haven’t gotten that vibe at all with BJ, which is amazing! i feel they may be our soul-mates for awhile! ❤️. But i suppose we will know more in the coming week(s)…. especially after this Friday!

So this week needs to flyyyyy by fast! Can you distract me from watching the clock with some interesting tid bit in your life?!?!

Hugs,

Marie

73 – Memoir 2 – “No, I don’t want a divorce…. I want change”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Marriage, Submission. No Comments on 73 – Memoir 2 – “No, I don’t want a divorce…. I want change”

Change. It’s a simple word with a powerful punch. Why is change important? Or needed? And why do we fear it so much?

i did a simple google search on “change”, and one of the first things to pop up was this:

On an individual level, change is important because it is the precursor to all growth. We don’t grow by keeping things “safe” – by preserving the status quo (even though that may seem more comfortable). All personal growth comes from meeting the challenge of change. By dealing with life challenges we learn that we can.

So maybe these words above wasn’t what i knew about or thought about all those years ago…. but it was definitely what we needed!

And now… he wanted change. I couldn’t have agreed more!

Ahh buddy, yes indeed… we WILL be changing alright! If you don’t want a divorce, you will indeed be changing! There’s no doubt about that! And I will tell you now how that’s going to happen…..

All i knew for sure was my husband of 10- years, friend for 15 (we dated for 5 before marriage), and father to our only child, was indeed unfaithful. He had broken our marriage vows. He had broken my heart. And my whole life was about to change… whether i wanted it or not!

And that’s when we proceeded to have the biggest fight of our entire relationship! We yelled, cried, threatened to leave…. and yet…. still stayed. If either of us had really given up on “us”, we wouldn’t have fought. We would not have even cared enough to fight.

The opposite of love is NOT hate. It is apathy. When you don’t care, you have no feelings at all. And we clearly did. How much either of us ultimately cared or if it was enough to carry us through the process of what it would take to fix what was broken, i didn’t know.

That’s when I told him how it would be. I told him, “you will break it off with her…NOW. You’ll tell her you love me and only me. You’ll tell her you are committed to your wife and son. And from now on, you are NOT to delete any texts, any emails, and I will check the phone bill to confirm. And this is the way it has to be to rebuild the trust! Are you ready to break it off with her??”

Yes (ma’am). i put that word (ma’am) in parenthesis because while he did NOT say it out loud, i was absolutely in control that night and we both knew it…. at least in that moment anyway. (And did you also notice i put the I in caps?? I was in charge now. I was the one who was taking control!)

I dared him to call her and tell her RIGHT THEN. I wanted to hear it!

And he did.

After just a minute of talking to her, he put her on speaker and said, “Marie, she wants to talk to you” (WTF….. no F’ing way do I want to talkkkkkk to her!)

She said, “I’m sorry. Can I come over and we talk through this?”

Me: Seriously? You want to talk? In MY house? You tried to ruin my life, while betraying our friendship by sleeping with MY husband for a YEAR! And now you are “sorry”? We are never speaking again! I want you GONE!

Her: Please, just hear me out.

Me: fine.

Ding dong. The doorbell rang.

She was at our house! He had apparently told her before he even got home that i knew, it was over, and she had notions of “wanting to make it right”. She had driven to our house and was sitting in the car working up the courage to knock on the door when David called her.

I answered the door. She asked to come in. I was SO pissed that I was like, “FINE! SURE! Come on into MY house tonight since you’ve been lurking in the shadows for a year! At least now I know you are being honest and in the light!” (At this point it was almost 9pm and getting quite dark… and we had NO lights on in the house! So the pun of the light was quite literal at that moment. But no one was laughing though either).

She came in and I looked at David, shaking my finger at him and barked orders to him, “she came to talk to ME. Not you! Don’t say a word!”

She sat down and we yelled, cried, fought.. and wore ourselves out. David did talk, but only in the strategic places he felt he could.

And after we were exhausted and (mostly) out of words, she reached her hand out to mine (we were on opposite sides of one of the couches, while David had been ostracized to his own couch)…. she touched my fingers, she covered the back of my palm, she squeezed and said, “I’d like to make this up to you …..in the shower….. together.”

And she grabbed my hand, pulled upward, and stood up. And said, “let’s go get naked together. David has seen me naked. He’s seen you naked. But we’ve never seen each other naked. Let’s make him watch us have sex together.”

I was so numb and wanting someone to love ME that this sounded stupid, crazy, and completely insane…. and yet, exactly what I needed too!

So I did it.

She went down on me in the shower.

And I felt like David was right… he and I were NOT sexually incompatible… and maybe all those pent up, “bad girl” ideas I had were just “bad ideas”.

While I was trying to find the answer to rid ourselves of this contagion “virus” from my home, I had opened and invited it further inside. Literally, inside ME. And it felt GOOD!

That’s when it morphed into more….we all 3-had sex…. together… in OUR bed… the virus had fully infected everything!!!

And we put all our sexual parts everywhere ….but …. when he put his cock inside her, I saw. I saw how she wasn’t “just” a girl he fucked… it was someone he was passionate with. And I was the 3rd wheel. And I freaked out!

I almost threw up. Literally. The virus made me sick! And I threw on the first thing I saw (one of David’s long t shirts) and ran out of the house. No shoes, no pants, no keys, no phone, and nowhere to go…. and I ran… yes, RAN. On bare feet, I wanted to feel the pain of the road against my feet. I wanted my body to be torn up on the outside to match how I felt on the inside. And I wanted to get AWAY. Not just away from the house, but my life, him, her and well…ME.

What was I thinking allowing her in our house? What did I really expect to see after they’d been fucking each other, behind my back, for an entire year? But they weren’t “fucking”… they were making “love”!!

I ran. With no awareness of how far or fast…. I was so lost in my head I wasn’t sure I wanted to come out of it either. It was midnight. And I ended up at the neighborhood park. On a swing. (Oh The irony… swinging in the bed and now swinging alone at the park!)

I dared him to come get me. I knew if he didn’t, I was filing for divorce the next day. And yet, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to come or not! I prayed “God let YOUR will be done!”

And he did. God’s will was done. And that was for David to come. He cane and got me. He’s always wanted ME!

He just wanted more now too. He wanted change.

And then we cried in each other’s arms in the park. He tried to get me to go back to the house and I said “not until she’s gone. I can’t have her there anymore. We have to find a new way forward, and it can’t be with her”

He said, “she’s already gone.”

And that’s when we started to talk …. over MANY months and really YEARS forward…. what we wanted this new “change” to look like……

So coming back full circle on this post…. all growth starts with change. You can’t expect anything to improve if you aren’t willing to change. You have to go all-in, you have to embrace change, you have to want to change…….

I’ll tell you more in Memoir 3 …. about how we’ve morphed from that night to where we are now.

And now I’m off of here … to EDGE. AGAIN! I’M SO FRUSTRATED. I NEED RELEASE! I’M NOT GOING TO LAST 7-DAYS! 😩

Hugs,

Marie

52 – Panties be G-O-N-E

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. No Comments on 52 – Panties be G-O-N-E

The rule is simple: N-O P-A-N-T-I-E-S.

At all.

Ever.

Not hard to follow… right?

Well…… as i mentioned in the last post, i don’t like the “rub” when i wear jeans withOUT panties.

So …..today, i cheated. i wore a G-string. It was a compromise.. they aren’t “really” panties.. i mean they are only “half” there anyway! (right?)

i was honest. Told the truth. i told David straight away. Well, mostly anyway. Ok, ok…so i texted it to him AFTER i left the house for work. i know……NOT my best move.

And i suppose that wouldn’t have been a terrible thing…. had it been the first time. But it wasn’t.

So before you start in on me too….let me just say… i have told David every-single-time i cheated. And he said, “you better stop.” And “you WILL regret this” and other similar statements. But that was really all that happened. So i kinda thought he didn’t reallyyyyyyy mind after all. Besides, i have taken them off as soon as i got home.

But today, he said, “we will deal with this when you are home.” Which pretty much told me that today was going to be different.

And when i got home, i was admittedly…. nervous. i kinda thought today just may be the day that i pushes it too far. And sure enough…

i came into my bedroom to change out of work clothes and take off my shoes, and my panties drawers – yes i have TWO – were pulled out.

And they were empty.

GONE. PANTIES WERE GONE.

The drawers are completely empty.

When i saw David, he very calmly but sternly said, “No more! I told you before that your pussy is NOT to be covered and because you can’t be trusted to follow the rule, I’ve now made it where you won’t be tempted. And i won’t be touching it tonight because you are now being disciplined.”

When i asked what happened to them …if he threw the panties away or just hid them somewhere, he said, “it doesn’t matter as they don’t belong to you anymore so don’t worry about it!”

i wish I could tell you i didn’t deserve this. But i do.

i guess in some ways, i’m happy they are gone as i was indeed tempted and, obviously, failed. Now, it won’t be an option. So for that, i am indeed happy.

But i got to say…. they will be missed….. 😏

Hugs, Marie

PS…i know i still owe you a post about my convo with our son. Not forgotten.

50 – Chastity Belt … Update

Written by Marie on . Posted in Chastity Belt, Marriage, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Denial. No Comments on 50 – Chastity Belt … Update

So because i mentioned it before and in a few comments, i’ve been asked for an update on the progress on my chastity belt, i decided to do just that… update you.

i’ve been doing a LOT of research. i’ve found a lot of chastity belts… gag gifts, very (VERY!) pricey, effective but not for me, ineffective and probably only good for pictures, and …. well… one that i have on order. This is what it looks like:

chastity belt i have on order

i rarely take (sexual/ naked) pictures of myself … and those that i do, only go to my husband… and never with my face…. but i promise you, if this one works as i hope it does, i’ll post a picture with it on for you. 🙂

CHASTITY BELT – WHY?!?

Okay, well, let’s review…. my husband and Sir, is the head of our house and of me. i am submissive. He has been trying to train me that my private parts are for him. And i’m only allowed to make myself happy with permission. This means that i am open to his touch whenever he wants to and if i want it by my own touch, i have to ask to masturbate and/or orgasm.

He feels orgasm control is the ultimate in my submission because forcing me to ask his permission to touch myself in a most intimate way means he controls my pleasure. And orgasm denial – both mine when I submit to his control and his when he says no – forces me to NOT be selfishly satisfy my OWN needs without putting him before me. And frankly, while i don’t particularly like not cumming when I want to, i do see his point.

i don’t like the rule because he makes me ask in person. It is VERY humbling (and submissive!) to say, “May i have permission to masturbate and to cum please Sir?”

And the seconds between that sentence and the answer sometimes feel like an eternity.

He frequently says yes, but sometimes he does indeed say no.

i think he says no for two reasons: 1) i tend to ask a lot (3-5x’s a week on average – and sometimes multiple times in the same day)…. and 2) because he can. And by saying no, it is an effective rule that i know requires no explanation, no further discussion, and is the final answer.

Well – the “NO” answer is what has led to this place. i’ve tried to be good. i’ve tried to accept that “NO” as his decision. i’ve tried to ignore the desire. But sometimes…. the more i try to ignore it, the more it becomes a ‘thing’ that i can’t successfully ignore.

So similar to a child doing something in secret and hoping to not be caught, i sneak into the closet and do it anyway.

And truly, i have done it and was not caught.

But my guilty conscious weighs heavy.

And i confess.

And i’m punished. Typically with a very intensive spanking, standing in the corner to contemplate it, and sometimes a second spanking.

But …. while that works ‘that day’, it hasn’t been a permanent solution…. and it’s rather detective than preventive.

So David decided i needed to research and find and buy a female chastity belt that was reasonably priced, effective, and able to be worn for long(er) periods of time. And i’ve done just that. And as mentioned, we have one on order. This is the one I bought.

i’ll make you wait to hear more though…. next post my friends. 🙂

(Am i being mean to make you wait?!? David makes me wait to cum…. so i’ll make you wait to hear about the chastity belt…. ha!)

i will leave you with this interesting article i found – Top 10 Facts About Chastity Belts…..https://www.top10hq.com/top-10-facts-about-chastity-belts/

Hugs,
Marie

44 – Fixing what broke

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TODAY – Jan 6, 2020 – is mine and Sir’s 19th anniversary. And i couldn’t be happier that we ‘made up’ and are ‘back to normal’. Of course, the normal that includes domestic discipline (DD), him being the Head of Household (HoH), me being submissive and accepting of punishment.

See the thing was, before we ever did DD we weren’t “happily married”. Oh i thought we were. Mostly. But then i knew somewhere inside that we really weren’t. i never felt like i respected him the way i should. In fact, one time (long ago!) he actually called me out on it! And i was like, “What do you mean I don’t respect you?! What exactly do you expect me to do to show you ‘respect’????” … with the word “respect” being spit at him with distain and in such a mocking voice that any self-respecting man would have recognized that i was a shrew in need of a good spanking! But because we had no such DD in our life then, we got into a HUGE fight and at the end nothing got resolved so we just agreed to disagree and ‘forget’ it.

But then, after we started doing DD a bit more than a year ago….we talked more than ever, i showed respect the way he deserved, we had ways to resolve disagreements and we were happy. And disagreement… well… they rarely happened because we both knew who was in charge and who’s word mattered. And i liked it!

And when we stopped… it all went away. The calm, the resolution, the respect, and the best marriage ever. Obviously, my marriage didn’t technically ‘go away’, but it may as well have. So i knew it could be “back to normal” if i’d just stop being stubborn, let my heart be exposed and ask for forgiveness and to start again. So that’s what caused me to step out in faith and risk being rejected and send the text.

What …..a text? Why not show true courage and speak in person? Well in person would’ve been the best option, but i was feeling insecure… and it took the whole ride to work to give me the courage to talk at all! So text was better than nothing.

So i texted Sir and said, “i miss spanking” and he immediately responded with “me too”, and just like that….we started talking. My husband is NOT a talker so to talk as much as we have, i can tell he really did want a do-over and to start fresh as much as i did.

And despite a possible rejection, he did the opposite – he made my heart SOAR!

The BEST (early) anniversary gift ever!

At the time that i caused the problems though and refused to be spanked, i really didn’t think he LIKED the DD stuff. i felt that he did it for a couple of reasons but mainly because i asked him to do it. So after he wasn’t doing what i thought he should, as Dom and HoH, i decided this charade was stupid and didn’t want to do it anymore. YES, i DID want to do the DD and D/s. But i wanted him to want to do it. Not me wanting him to do it with him simply obliging.

And it wasn’t until he got SO mad that day that i realized that maybe he started doing it for me and because i asked, but by the time we ‘called it quits’ he was really doing it because he wanted to. But then it felt like it was just too late.

i had screwed up and it was what it was. You made your bed, so lie in it. And accept it. And be happy too! Except i wasn’t happy.

So when i initiated the text, that was when truly we started talking again too.

The first thing he really said to me about everything was, “Short of abusing you by forcing you to accept punishments that I deem necessary, this doesn’t work. And in the process, I feel as if you are just playing at this and not being submissive at all. So when you choose to stop playing, I’m left feeling betrayed for having believed this was real.”

Wow. That really opened my eyes! i know that the sub has a lot of power to accept or deny a Dom’s authority. But i never really thought about how it would (figuratively) castrate him if i “just stop”, and especially in grand form the way i did!

So – i apologized. Profusely.

And we talked about ‘if this ever happens again’ what would i tell and suggest that Sir do in the future if this ever happen again. Well, since i’ve had a LOT (4-months now) of time to think about this, i actually had an answer.

i told him, “Ignore me. Completely. Do not speak to me at all, except to say, ‘Are you ready to accept the punishment that you know you deserve now?’

And i went on to say, “if you ignore me and do NOT speak to me, even if it takes days, i know i will come around. i may be stubborn as all get out and take that long, but i will change and accept my punishment properly. And while sitting here now i’d like to say this won’t ever be a problem again, i can’t be certain. But what i am certain of is i love who we are when you are my HoH and i submit! So i DO want this!”

His response, “I can do that.” (And i know he will!)

He then asked, “But truly …What IF you decide you really don’t want to do DD or HoH anymore?” My response was easy, “i know i won’t ever NOT want this….as i’ve missed you and our ways so much in these months. But ‘if’ i ever decide that, we will talk about it when we aren’t dealing with a punishment situation and with level-heads. And we won’t talk about it until after i accept the punishment that i refused. Either way, it won’t happen until we are past that situation and able to talk properly. i am willing to write that down now on paper if need be.” (He said to blog about it…. so i am! lol).

So today – January 6, 2020 – is our anniversary and we have now been married for 19-years. i know the next (however many) years ahead will be WAY better than the last ones because we have a new (permanent!) way of doing things.

A way that works. A way that i’ve learned i need in my life and i need Sir to be the one i do it with. And i’m happy…. again.

And that’s when i got spanked for the original punishment….. for masturbating without permission or approval. I’ll talk more about how that went in the next post!

Hugs,

Marie