39 – Domestic Discipline- in life

For all you sex and spanking fans, this will be boring.

For all you Domestic Discipline fans, this might be insightful.

i know i mostly talk all about how our lifestyle revolves around “sex” and sex- related stuff. But it really isn’t just about that. It’s how our lifestyle is.

But i have come to realize that if i were in charge, things would be much stricter than they are. i’m not sure if Sir is just being a “good southern gentleman” or if he’s “shy” to take control or if he just doesn’t want to take control or maybe he just doesn’t think like me.

i asked him about this today and he said, “I don’t think you know what you are asking for.” But i think i do! i’m asking him to lead our marriage, to be the lead of our house, and ultimately me. In exchange, i respect, obey, and submit. In ALL things… sex and otherwise. Seems simple enough to me.

So here’s two examples of what happened just today …. i will tell you what happened AND what would have happened, had our roles been reversed.

Real life Example 1 – what did happen:

We like to play golf. Tomorrow we are going to play together. As of today, i have been braless for exactly one whole week. (Because i got my bras taken away last week when i didn’t have it off at 5:22 pm after work). And i TOLD David “i can’t play golf without a bra. It will hurt too much”

His response was, “hmm”.

Real life example 1 – what would’ve happened if our roles were reversed:

His response would’ve gone like this…. “excuse me? You have a rule that states ‘no bra when not mon-fri, 8-5, and tomorrow is a Saturday! So you have another thing coming if you think you can TELL me you are wearing one tomorrow! So you screwed up twice now… one by wanting to break a rule and two by telling me. Had you asked, I’d probably have understood your request and conceded. But now, you will absolutely NOT be wearing a bra! And maybe next time, you’ll think of how to word that to me in a way that is a respectful tone and in the form of a question with a ‘please Sir’ at the end. Do you understand me?”

And of course, i would be saying, “yes Sir, i am sorry Sir. i was clearly out of line Sir.”

And he would then respond with, “I’m not at all surprised to hear you apologize, but you will now be punished for your indiscretions. Get naked and assume the position.” (And prepare to be spanked, and to be followed up with standing in the corner for an indeterminable amount of time, until I decide otherwise!)

Real life example 2 – what did happen:

At 4:50, i got a text, “when home?” (And just to let YOU know …. today is a Friday and i NEVER work late on Friday’s. i truly believe i “have” to leave on time on Friday’s. i don’t know why, but i definitely have this “thing” about leaving on time on Friday’s).

So my response was, “10-minutes”.

Sir said, “ok, great. Can you stop and buy mozzarella cheese?”

Now the next thing you should know is that David cooks, and i clean. He was home cooking dinner when he sent those texts.

Real life example 2 – what would’ve happened if i were in charge:

“Because you WILL be leaving in 10-minutes, you need to stop to buy mozzarella cheese on the way home. Don’t forget.”

Now i don’t know about you, but the first example seems a bit more extreme to me than the second. But in both cases, i feel that i was disrespectful to Sir and he allowed it. i didn’t mean to be disrespectful, but like anyone, if allowed to do things inappropriate…. we do.

But just like a child, they need to be trained in the ways you want them to be. And if you allow them to treat you with dishonor, disrespect, and no submission at all…. well…. they won’t. And quite often, it becomes “who they are” and the way they do the things they do. And it becomes “normal.”

To a large degree, that’s how i am. We’ve been together for over 20-years (most of it married, but not all), and now, after finding DD only a year ago… my ways are dying hard. And David thinks i “don’t know what i’m really asking for”.

But i disagree with Sir. i think i know exactly what i am asking for and what i truly want. And i told him so too.

He responded with, “I’ll think about it. But you are not in control in the end!”

So we shall see.

Are you submissive? Have you asked for MORE? Did you regret it?




  1. I’ve asked for more. I’ve regretted it at times and at others not at all. Depends on the relationship I was in.

    My last Dom before Daddy was much like the type of Dom you seem to want your husband to be. There is more than one style of dominating and being submissive. He was demanding, in control 24/7. I asked permission for EVERYTHING!!!! I was once punished for getting my hair done without asking permission beforehand. I had no leeway to be myself in the relationship. Specific language must be used at all times. It was a VERY HIGH PROTOCOL relationship. It’s hard to live in all the time. I think your husband may be right that you don’t actually know totally what you’re asking. Have you researched Master/slave dynamics and what that means in real life??

    Now Daddy and i live in a 24/7 dynamic. We’re married and He’s the bread winner. We have very traditional roles. His way of dominating is gentle. He rarely, if ever, gives me commands. His style of domination is pulled from my respect for Him. He is loving, strong, protective, takes good care of us. He leads quietly with respect for me and i follow quietly out of respect for Him.

    A while back, I wanted more control. I thought I wanted a relationship on the kink end more like I had with the dom before Daddy. Then I stumbled across a blog talking about styles of dominance and submission. I took a look at how He DOES lead. I realized that I tell Him how to lead or ask Him to be a different type of Dom than He is. I can show more submission and honor the way He leads. When i’m not feeling fulfilled in the relationship, i reach down inside for more submission. The more i submit, the more Dominance i get in return. It always works that way.

  2. Seen this enough times to regret not asking this question each time from the beginning as the gist is similar each time so…

    You state your desires well and I understand from whence they arise but I have a question for you. What about the gentleman? Does he desire this and how do you think (based on longer than normal prior knowledge) your desires fit into his personality and routine? I ask because the best durable solution for the relationship lies in the middle ground covered by the answer.

    Gee, that felt good! Should have asked it of others over time but I’m glad to do it now. I hope thinking of the answer is a useful exercise ma’am.

  3. I can identify with this post, Marie! There have been times that I have pushed my husband for more, but I have learned that it just doesn’t work. He will dominate me as he sees fit. He has no interest in micromanaging my time…which sometimes I long for. But, I think I may regret it if he did. Recently, a dear friend said to me…be careful what you wish for!

  4. This is such a good post. When me and my husband started DD, I had two virtues I wanted to work on. They were ending my procrastination habit and patience (especially with the children). Patience was a bit easier, a lot of prayer and hubby reminding me that God will not give me more than I can handle. And an occasional babysitter 😉
    Procrastinating? Not going as well, often because hubby just doesn’t realize when I’m doing it! Sometimes when I find myself putting things off, I think to myself ‘if only he’d put me over his knee, I would get it done!’ Sometimes I will intentionally say things in front of him to let him know I’m struggling with this virtue. Something like, ‘I’ll just do it tomorrow.’ in fact, that happened just the other day! He quietly took me into our bedroom, we prayed about my desires to not procrastinate, then he reminded me with a few quick swats to a bare behind. As soon as we were done, I got the stupid thing over with in about ten minutes!
    You really do have to trust in your head of household and in God to see you through. You can be honest with your Sir and tell him you’d like a firmer voice, but at the end of the day, YOU are the submissive one and only he (and God) get to decide what kind of voice to use with you.
    I hope you don’t mind that I’m going through your old posts and commenting on some of them that truly speak to me!

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