132 – Submission… put to the test

i have said before that when i am stressed at work, i am NOT the best submissive at all. i tend to be short-tempered, have no time (or tolerance) for small talk, and want to get answers/solutions – not problems!

Today was one of those days.

Sir called me at work and asked me to do something. i barely had time to talk on the phone and he’s like, “So do you know anything about this situation….. and can you call and find out? I’d call, but the account is in your name and I’m not sure they will talk to me.”

What I heard was, “blah, blah, blah…. I’m taking up your time …. you need to call.…. ok, so I’m going to talk some more and take up even more of your time even though I know you don’t have it, if for no other reason than …. I can.”

And what i said was, “Yes, great. i’ll call right now.”

Well….. so i knew i needed to probably not speak to him “that” short, and even throw in a “Sir” word here or there, but it was better than saying what i really wanted to too. i just wanted off the phone and to make this call right away to get it off my to-do list. So when we hung up, i called. Immediately.

But that’s when i needed a 2-way authentication code to “verify i am who i say i am,” but it was one that was sent to his phone. When i texted him to get the code from him, he didn’t answer or give me the code before it timed out. So then i was even more annoyed!

i texted saying, “please tell me when i can send the get the code resent to you that you’ll be able to respond timely.”

(Ok, so i already told you i am NOT submissive and more of a ‘cut to the chase and let’s get this done’ person when i get stressed….. but at least i did say “please”. Ha!)

That’s when he texted back, “I’m on the phone with them right now.”

And all I could think was, “WTF!?! You wasted my time talking about this between you/i and NOW even more wasted time as i try to get this done!!! And NOW you just went and did it anyway!?! And didn’t bother to tell me either?!?”

That’s when i was at least smart enough to put my phone down and not text or talk to him. And i went back to my original to-do list that had me stressed out in the first place.

Instead, i vented to a friend all about this. She is also in a similar D/s with DD marriage. So i knew she’d understand! She is very wise and i respect her words and perspective fully.

As always, her perspective did indeed help me! She said, “Now… let’s brain storm how you can handle things so that when you get home you avoid a red ass.”

(Even she knew i was in hot water for the way i was speaking to Sir….. which if i didn’t calm down this to respond better, that my rear end would be on the losing end if i continued on this path!)

She suggested i request to be spanked to relieve the stress.

i told her i didn’t want to do that.

WHY would i want to request a spanking politely if i could simply spew my anger, and earn one legitimately?!?

That’s when she asked, “What aspect of the spanking do you not want? David’s dominance, the pain, admitting to both D & yourself that you reacted poorly to the situation, the relief that’ll come after? Something I’m missing???”

And i responded to her by saying, “I want the relief after …. but I don’t want any of that first part. No, you aren’t missing anything. You know me too damn well!”

But the part i didn’t want to admit to her, and possibly even to myself, was THE aspect i didn’t like the most was the “admitting to both D & yourself that you reacted poorly to the situation”. Because while i did do that (react poorly), i felt like he was wrong in how he acted. He knew i was stressed, facing deadlines, and had zero time. And then he didn’t bother to even tell me he was just going to take care of it anyway!

But……..

Let’s face it, we all know “two wrongs don’t make a right” and i’ve already told you that it just doesn’t matter! Submit anyway!

And she said, “I just want my beautiful friend to feel better. But you probably know what you need to do too.”

So before i changed my mind, i texted David, “i need to be spanked. Soon.”

And he wrote back, “I agree.”

Then he asked, “I know why I think you do, but why do you think you do?”

Great. Trick question. i told him the truth. How he made me made and my thoughts. But ultimately how my thoughts were far from submissive.

He wrote, “I could tell you were mad, but I didn’t know why.”

So he agreed.

i already felt relief come over me. So could we just skip the spanking-pain part ?!?!

The rest of the day was way more productive than beforehand. When i got home, we didn’t talk about this. i know it will happen in the morning. Our son doesn’t know about the spanking and we like to keep it that way. So i have no doubt when he’s off to school, i will he told to Assume The Position. And i gladly will….. although again, can we just skip this part now??

While the pain will suck, the ultimate relief will be good. And i do want David’s dominance, but i don’t want the humiliation of having to ask for it or say it out loud either.

What i know is my wise friend thinks a lot like me, so she’s easy to talk to and helps me do things i don’t want to do, but i know i need to do. And she saved me today from yelling at my husband, causing an even bigger problem.

(See D/s with DD works!)

But do i ultimately still think he’s wrong? Would i have possibly avoided a spanking if i had not asked for it? Would i have gotten (stress) relief some other way?

i don’t know the answers to those questions and i never will…. but i suspect the answer is “yes.”

But does it matter? i asked to submit from the start of our D/s dynamic, i still (really) want it, and …. it works. Really, it does! Even when i’m mad, he’s wrong, and i don’t want to submit.

Hugs,

Marie