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210 – The BIG O. Under lock and key.

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i am feeling a little depressed tonight. David is near going to sleep. And i found myself thinking he needed to turn out the lights already so i could put my hand down under the covers and masturbate….

All the way to orgasm!

i was fully intending to do so. And i didn’t give a flying rat’s ass about NO-vember. It’s dumb. It was self imposed. He only started it because of me saying it, and it is … well….. VERY dumb.

i found myself thinking, “i am a good person, i deserve to be able to touch myself. This is MY body. i was so stupid to want to be a submissive wife. If i were instead a “normal” wife, i’d be able to do whatever the FUCK i wanted to!”

i continued, “i could FUCK myself anytime i wanted with anything i wanted… a dildo, a vibrator, another live-man- cock, hell even a wooden spoon from the kitchen if i wanted to!”

And i continued …… with how stupid i am to even come up with the idea of NO-vember in the first place. i mean, who in their right mind says, “hey, i don’t want to orgasm or have sexual highs for an entire 30-fucking days?!?”

W-H-Y can’t i be “normal”? W-H-Y can’t vanilla sex and being my husband’s equal be enough for me?! WTF was i thinking becoming a submissive wife who can’t even orgasm on her own time??

And as i lay beside him thinking all these things, OF MY OWN DOING, i got up, went to the closet, and locked myself up in my chastity belt. i decided i needed chastity. And i will sleep in it once more.

This is the second night in a row now. All these thoughts came just the SECOND night of wearing the chastity belt to sleep. But it wasn’t the belt that was causing my temper tantrum… it’s the elusive O that i am chasing and unable to have.

CHASTITY…. THIS is what i ultimately need. Whether i belong to David or not, of which i DO (!!) self control seems to be beyond me. i am at one week of self-imposed (and being enforced by David) “NO ORGASM,” and i am having withdrawals. i am an addict wanting my drug of choice: the big natural high of a big O!

i am addicted to sex and to orgasms specifically. i do indeed get “High” with the sexual release of the O. The very minute i come, that natural release of hormones brings me peace and happiness. i feel tension subside. i feel a spreading of warmth throughout my body as my blood rushes around inside me. Or said another way….. a “drug addict high”. And this drug is so much better than any other because it is: 1) natural, 2) legal, 3) FREE! and 4) the biggest of all: available ANY TIME.

And yet…. It’s NOT. Not available any time. Not to me anyway. Because i gave up my rights to the big O and the owner of them says NO. i am not allowed to play with HIS toys… or chase the Big O.

i am at the place where when someone goes to rehab, (at least in the movies), they are desperate to do whatever it takes to get that drug they think they must have! They start begging for it. They plead. They are strung out and look terrible, and they don’t care. As the movie watcher, we know that drug they crave is killing them and they need to get over it already. Yet… they don’t see it that way, at least not yet.

Well here i am ….…. “Hello, my name is Marie and i am an O addict!”

But having orgasms, as much as i want anyway, isn’t good for me. It’s not mine. i gave it up a long time ago. Willingly. To my Sir. And when i DO get to climax, it should be appreciated and loved, and cherished… both the O itself AND my Sir for wanting me to feel it with him too.

i shouldn’t be able to take it back any time i want, just because i want it. i am not a little kid that gets to throw a temper tantrum and get my way.

And being a submissive wife is what i also know is good for me. And him. And our entire family! As i have said before numerous times, our relationship is so much stronger when we are doing our D/s thing. We fight way less (and btw… usually November is our worst month of the year for our relationship where we tend to fight more than ever. Not this year though!)

And vanilla sex is … well… vanilla. Boring. And …. Allowing my husband to lead my family, including me (AND for him to OWN my SEX) is a choice that matters. THIS is good for me.

So. i put on the belt of my own volition. And i handed him the key.

As i did so, i asked Sir, “do you like this look?”

The “look” being that i am wearing exactly two things: 1) my collar, and 2) my chastity belt. Nothing else.

He said, “no, I do not. I wish you had more self control. But now at least we both know you can enjoy your porn without orgasm tonight again.”

i wanted to cry. Not sure if it’s because he’s right or because i didn’t want him to be right.

So even as i sit and type to you, i am saddened that i am NOT able to have a natural self control, but that i am smart enough to know…. Chastity is what i ultimately need. And while i am not exactly pleasing to my Sir at this exact moment, he knows that i need the chastity belt too.

Knowing that i do NOT need to succumb to my sexual appetite and expelling the desire to orgasm. Is what i need. And abstaining from Orgasm for 30-days is a good thing! i shouldn’t be so addicted to anything, including my drug of choice…. My own sexual body parts.. or more accurately, that feeling if the HIGH that i get from my body parts!

But i won’t lie…. my tits are beautiful as i look past them to type to you. And my clit is feeling every movement of my iPad as it rests on my belly (and the belt) for me to type out this message. No joke, my clit is SO sensitive right now, it is feeling every single tap on the screen as it moves the pad just enough that it is causing my clit to swell. i can feel my clit pressing against the metal and i am becoming incredibly aroused! And ultimately my clit still thinks i am stupid as it presses harder and harder against the metal bars it is held underneath. And my pussy is also begging for release.. from chastity AND from this NO-orgasm prison sentence it is under.

But ultimately, maybe i do have “just enough” self control too as my mind says “NO! Be strong!” Of course, now as i sit in chastity, i really have no choice in the matter. But did i even really have a choice before???

Tell me i am not stupid, or crazy, or … well… i don’t know. Maybe i am those things and you can’t. i get it.

Just to be clear…. i am not upset i am wearing a belt to sleep in. In fact, i am grateful it’s here and on. It has given me a bit of mental reprieve to have this O taken further away from my literal grasp! Because it’s just an arm’s length away, but now, underneath lock and key it’s in its place. And that gives me mental relief to be able to stay the course and still not capture the O that i so desperately feel i need!

As i go to sleep… again in chastity…. Just know i give you all my many hugs… but not my O, because even i do not own that. i do not even have the key……

And yes, NORA, this is me and my chastity belt.

Hugs,

Marie

208 – Spanked again!

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So yep… you were right NORA. i didn’t make the 24- hour goal. i did make it further than ever before. But alas, the staying power wasn’t sustained all the way to the finish line either.

i previously wrote about the challenge Sir issued…. Fucked or Spanked.

i had an anal plug inserted at 6:30a and the challenge was to keep it 8n my ass all the way to 6:30a the next day. It didn’t happen.

My (plutonic) girlfriend and i went to dinner, followed by a theater play together. And the seats were OH SO HARD! At intermission, i just couldn’t keep the anal plug in. It was a bit of a burning sensation. And it just hurt. That’s the best way to describe how my ass was feeling.

i thought about it a lot during the first act. i debated whether to try to keep it in longer or not. In the end, i made a choice. All by myself and ultimately without permission but i still knew David would be ok with it too.

At intermission, i made the choice to take it out. i went to the bathroom and pulled it out. After wrapping it in paper, i stuffed it in my purse and went to enjoy the second act. And just like that, i was much happier without pain on those very hard seats!

By the time i arrived home, David was sound asleep. In the morning, we were up at just about the same time where i greeted him with a “Good Morning Sir”,” where his return response was, “is it still in?”

“No Sir. It came out at intermission.”

“So you wore it about 15 hours! That’s the record for longest consecutive time wearing an anal plug yet! Very impressive.”

i smiled and responded with, “Thank you Sir.”

To which he then added, “But of course, that wasn’t the deal. Was it?”

“No Sir”

“So you need to Assume The Position. Don’t you?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Y-E-S….. what??”

“Yes SIR.”

“So let’s go ahead and start this day off right. Assume the position now.”

NOW. Ugh. At least it’s not a discipline spank, but a maintenance (weekly) one. that’s something.

Since i slept naked, it was easy to get into position quickly. we recently changed up the position. Instead of standing on the side of the bed, bent over at the waist and only having the top half of me on the bed, now i am entire,y on the bed. i put two pillows underneath my hips to raise my ass up more into the air, then put my shoulder on the bed and my hand/arms down on the bed and running between my legs.

What this adjusted and new position does is makes it MUCH harder for me to move around. In the old position, while i’m not supposed to move at all, i tended to pop up my head which causes my butt to move out of position too. Add to that, sometimes i even danced around for a minute when the intensity of the spanking became too much.

NOW… while i can lift up, it is a bigger challenge to do that when my arms are running down between my legs, and I most definitely am not able to dance and move around.

MUCH more effective positioning, where i feel the FULL intensity of the spanking. Every single swat hits it’s mark every single time!

So given that, i wasn’t looking forward to maintenance by ANY stretch of my imagination. But i assumed the (new) position willingly and immediately.

Before i was even fully in position, David had already retrieved the paddle and hit my bottom with it twice. That’s never happened. He always waits for me to be in position, and frequently lets me sit there thinking about it all for as much as 10-minutes or so. Not today.

He was swift! i immediately heard and felt the oh-so-familiar….. Smack, smack, smack, smack. Fast and furious. He smacked my ass with intention too!

He did about 10-15 total. i don’t know the exact number. They were fast and fell like rain in immediate succession.

i never cry tears with maintenance spankings, but i won’t lie that these spankings typically bring me right to the edge of it where the tears well up and i become aware that, “if he continues, i will be in tears soon.”

And that’s when he stopped. My ass was super red, my eyes were starting to feel blurred, and yet, once again the tears didn’t fall.

NOW this is the part that was especially different. Usually at this point, i feel Sir’s hand between my legs, or sometimes he drops his pants and i feel his cock. And he ALWAYS rewards my acceptable of maintenance spankings with the big O! Not today. Not during NO-vember. Instead, he sat me upright, kissed me, tweaked my nipples with each hand and then slapped my ass and said, “Good girl. Time for getting dressed to face the day.”

He didn’t mention or speak of the missed orgasm, nor did i. There was no reason or purpose. He knew that i knew why. He also knew that even if it weren’t NO-vember, he’s still always in control and orgasms are always at his discretion. So he could’ve easily just decided “not today” anyway. And it really wasn’t my place to ask. But even “IF” it were my place and even IF I had asked, i KNEW the answer would be NO!

So i dressed for the day and that was that.

My ass was super red and stung for a couple of hours, but David has never put any permanent marks on me and only rarely has the temporary marks lasted more than a couple of hours. Today was no different.

But …l no “extra” equipment on board today either. No plugs, dildos, belts. Just me, unless of course you count my Collar. It was by choice i wore it but i suppose that is “extra” too.

i’ll talk about my collar soon.

Until then…

Hugs,

Marie

207 – 24-hours. Is a long time.

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Today’s sexual escapade is….. an anal plug.

Yeah, i know, that doesn’t sound like a big deal anymore, right? Kinda not as it is part of my routine in a regular basis really. But today David (and i both) amped it up a notch.

It turned into a game today.

For whatever reason, that even i admit, i do not know WHY…. But …. i have had a “goal” of wearing an anal plug for a consecutive 24-hours. To date, i have never achieved this goal. The longest i’ve worn one was 12-hours, so a good long way still from the full 24-hours.

*** note to anyone wearing a plug long term — if your body says it hurts and it needs to come out: it should. It’s your body’s natural way of telling you something is not right. And if you ignore that body signal, and do NOT take it out, you could end up caused by bodily harm to yourself.

^^ this is why i have not ever made it 24-hours. My body says “nope. Done” and i listen to it!

So back to today…. Sir said he was going to insert the plug this morning. (Sometimes he tells me to do it.)

That means i get the plug ready with lube. And then i assume A position (not THE position to be spanked, but substantially similar too!) …. On the bed, on all 4’s, shoulder and head on bed, and both of my hands spreading apart my ass cheeks.

And in goes the plug! i feel it press to my hole and it just keeps going!

Sometimes Sir goes slowly, and sometimes not. Today, he did not. i (sort of) flinched as he pressed it in fully seating itself in my ass. i flinched at the very moment it pressed past my sphincter muscle. He said, “what? Why flinch? You should be used to this by now.”

“Yes, i should indeed. But today, it just felt like a bit ‘extra’ too”

He said, “hmm. Well. Maybe we need to do more of this.”

(As if to say i don’t already do it a lot!)

With that, i started off for the day.

After getting to work, i texted to remind him that i have a date night with a (plutonic) girlfriend where i’ll be home late.

** As an aside: i had previously obtained authority to go out with my friend-who-is-a-girl. While this isn’t officially a rule for me, i almost always do ask like this, “would it be ok if i went …..blah blah blah”. He typically asks details including where, when, cost, etc. And almost always Sir says yes. So despite the fact it isn’t a rule AND he almost always says yes, i do this as an extension of the rule “show respect at all times.” While it’s obviously not a requirement, it seems to me to be respectful to ask to be absent during what is typically “family time.”

In response to my reminder text, he asked me if i was going to wear the plug the entire time i was away, which would amount to having the plug in for about 15-16 hours.

(** it should be noted that it is expected that i always wear the plug, or any other device inserted/attached as long as possible or until Sir decides its time to come out, whichever comes first. But even if i need to take it out, i must ALWAYS ask. That permission is always granted, but it goes back to the “show respect” rule that generates the question. And it keeps David ultimately aware and more or less in control!)

i thought about his question for just a minute and said, “i’m not certain. i hope so. But if i get that far, i would think i could likely just go on to sleep and get the full 24-hours.”

To which Sir texted back, “there may be a reward if you do.”

And i wrote, “ Oohhh yeahhhhh??? What kind of reward???”

He said, “if the plug is there in the morning, when I tell you to Assume the Position for Maintenance, instead of being spanked, I will replace the plug with my cock and fuck your ass. If it’s not there, then maintenance may be particularly intense. Your choice.”

Oh wow!

So my ass will be fucked …. or spanked ….tomorrow morning. Pleasure or pain?!

** many of you might be thinking “PLEASURE? What pleasure?”. i’m sure you see this as a choice of pain INSIDE or pain OUTSIDE, but in no way is there PLEASURE. To each his own. i love anal sex and i find it a huge turn on! Even to the point that, without any touch to my pussy, i can achieve orgasm, which not everyone can do. It’s harder and definitely not as good, but it happens! Of course, i didn’t ask but i have to assume either way – fucked or spanked- i won’t be allowed to orgasm. Because it IS still NO-vember of course. And at this point already, i suspect that if i am anal fucked, i would orgasm easier than us usual!

*** i should also mention, NO-vember is about ME not orgasming. Nothing to say David is abstaining. i mean, why should he? Anytime he’s ever put me on EDGE and not allowed orgasm, he still does his thing… masturbate sometimes, but also uses my holes sometimes too. So even “if” he fucks me tomorrow, it will be for him to play with my mind… and possibly get himself off in the process too.

**** i should also say, i don’t see any of this as punishment, but a rather fun mind-game. It’s incredibly hard mind you, but absolutely still a fun game. i (strangely) enjoy this very much.

So…… What’s your bet — fucked or spanked?

Pain or Pleasure?

Orgasm or denial?

i have a feeling i know which of all those will be the likely outcome……. As the odds are NOT in y favor!

Hugs,

Marie

203 – It’s officially NO-orgasm-vember!

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Sometimes i play mind/DOM games with myself. In times when i am feeling particularly submissive but David is not quite as “DOM” as i particularly feel is needed, i play games with myself.

When i become “needy”…. i NEED a lot more domination and i need to have my full submission required… and tested.

That’s when i start the mind games with myself.

In some ways, and maybe in some people’s minds, this isn’t exactly appropriate to “play with myself.” After all, i should rely on David to know what’s best… for both of us. i admit, that is true. But i am still needy. And when i try to ignore my (extreme) need to be dominated, it tends to cause angst and distress…. Which leads to trouble. So instead of bothering him, i decide to play games with myself. Nothing (usually) that is against the rules, just amping it up a notch is all. (i know…..justification…. But.. still!)

i decided yesterday that i need to be reminded for the rest of the month of NO-vember (or at least until my birthday on the 25th), that my sexual pleasure is not up to me. i sometimes need to be reminded that my sexual neediness is not appropriate as i am supposed to be needy for him and not for me!

So …. i decided to deny myself any (ultimate) sexual pleasure but to tease myself a LOT for the rest of the month! i decided every day i will edge myself first thing in the morning. Then i will wear something to work every day under my clothes – rotating between an Anal plug, chastity belt, and pussy dildo. This would happen every-single-day, as a physical reminder to be submissive ALL day EVERY day. When i have sexual reminders, it carries from my sexual, to the physical, to my mind, where i say (and do) things more respectful, more kind, and less aggressive too.

My ultimate intent is that this will make me more sexually needy for Sir, while denying myself simple (and easy!) pleasures.

What i didn’t count on (or even think about) was that David may want to pleasure me for his pleasure…. Especially so soon.

Wouldn’t you know … 24-hours after i started this….. i had to tell him.

i was standing naked, in our closet after edging myself, deciding what to wear for the day, when he came in. He tweaked my nipple while asking me if i wanted a reward for being a good girl.

Of course i wanted that! But i had JUST edged and told myself to be a good girl and STOP. Literally stop. So i didn’t go over the edge, but also stop being so needy. And to prepare for a plug for the day. i was officially in my own submissive mind!

So while i didn’t intent to… i hesitated in my response. i hesitated too long and he heard the pause. He also saw the conflict in my eyes. And he said, “what?”

So i told him.

i said, “i don’t think i need to orgasm for the rest of NO-vember … or at least until my birthday. i think i have been too needy lately, so i thought i would deny myself that pleasure while not bothering you. But if you want to give it, then i will take it!”

Well …. He smiled and said, “huh. Well. Sounds reasonable. Lay on the bed anyway.”

He put his head between my legs and proceeded to lick his pussy until it was very-very-VERY needy. And then he stopped. He said, “I like your thinking. So in keeping with NO-vember, that’s enough.”

i was begging him for release. i said, “Please don’t stop Sir!” He smiled and said, “well, I have to say NO. After all, it is NO-vember!”

He lifted himself up where we were face to face. He was fully clothed as i was naked, and i tried rubbing against his pants with my needy pussy in hopes i’d be suggesting he should get naked too. Instead, he said, “DO NOT cum!” And lifted himself and then me off the bed, gave my ass a good smack and said, “now go dress for work already.”

So with a plug in my ass, i was off to work. Tomorrow it will be chastity, and the next an inflatable dildo in my needy pussy. Maybe it will stop being needy … but i kinda doubt it!

i suppose my mind games just got real for both of us. And now my birthday should be explosive!

Hugs,

Marie

204 – spanking AND Chastity!

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Today i earned a spanking. A discipline one. It hurt. A lot.

It made me mad actually to be told to “Assume The Position,” but i did it without complaining. And i accepted it. Because that’s what i do.

That didn’t change the fact that i was mad about it. By the end though, i was past the mad and realized i (basically) needed it too. But i didn’t want it… because… well…. i never do!

And now for the rest of the story.

Our son was leaving this morning to do an all day school activity (7a-9p) where he would not have access to a wall plug charger. As he was packing his bag to leave, i asked if he needed to take a charger power pack thing (what are those things even called?) for his phone. He said no, he had one.

Well, David overheard me and said, “I have that brick power pack. Do you think he wants it?”

i said, “No, i don’t think so.” And he walked away so i thought all was done.

About 5’ish minutes later, David comes out with brick power charger in hand. When i say “brick”, it is about the same size and weight. It’s a heavy-duty remote power pack, to say the least!

He said, “This is the one I was talking about. This is a brick power pack.”

i looked at him and said “i knew what you were talking about before. i am also aware of what a power pack is.”

He looked at me and said, “Was that necessary?” With no time to respond, he followed with the answer, “I don’t think it was!”

Ahh crap.

Ok, so i admit i was annoyed at him…. i mean, i DID know what it was that he was referring to, and i didn’t think bringing it out to show-and-tell was necessary…… but i also didn’t think my tone showed my annoyance when i responded. Apparently it did!

Not to mention….i was taking care of things and our son had already said no he didn’t need one.

SO …. let it be. Drop it already.

And wouldn’t you know it — at THAT moment, our son comes down the stairs and David hands him the power pack and our son says, “This is a brick! But I could probably use it.”

Seriously?! Proving David right just pissed me off more! And David smirked at me with a “told you so” look.

Soon afterward, our son left the house and i was starting my usual morning routine to shower/dress/etc, when David came up and said, “Are you going to Assume The Position?”

i looked at him and said, “No”

(Not MY fault he ASKED me. If you are going to ask a question, you may not always hear the response you are looking for. If you tell me to do it, i will do it. But then don’t ask, just tell me too!)

He looked surprised at the response, and he said, “uhm… wrong answer. YES, you will! Now!”

i looked at him and said, “ok.” And he left the room for me to “Assume the position” and wait for him to return.

He always gives me a waiting period. Usually and sometimes about 10’ish minutes. Today was the same. During that 10’ish minutes i usually find peace and calm in preparing my mental-self for the discipline. Today, i just got madder.

i laid on the bed thinking about, “WHY was THIS the reason i was in this position? What about all the other times that he has lately ignored lip, or rules being broken? Why be the disciplinarian now? WTF??”

So on Saturday i was going to meet up with my sister to do some activities for the day, when David said, “you have a bra on.”

And i responded with, “yes.”

And he said/did nothing.

So WHY did you ignore that breach? And THIS one landed me here?

i laid there thinking about all the recent events that really were worse than this one, and that went seemingly ignored.

Then he came in. Immediately picked up the paddle and laid it against my ass where i felt it’s presence. And he said, “why are you here?”

“Because i talked back.”

“Was it the words or the tone that landed you here?”

SMACK!

“Uhm… probably both Sir.”

SMACK!

“Correct answer!”

SMACK!

“Do you think it was appropriate?”

SMACK!

“No… but…”

SMACK!

“Do you think the word ‘but’ is needed?”

SMACK!

“Y-E-S! I DO!”

SMACK!

“Why??”

SMACK!

(Insert wincing and difficulty speaking as the sting is so real in my ass now. And my temper is subsiding in a hurry!)

“Because i don’t understand why you’ve ignored the other transgressions lately and THIS is the one that landed me here.”

SMACK!

(Insert flinching and unease in ability to sit still now. Wishing it was done already! Thinking about saying ‘yellow’)

“Well, I tried to ignore the first few things thinking it was just a moment for you. Plus it seemed you were testing me then. But you are clearly thinking I will ignore it all and this was my final straw.”

SMACK!

“Yellow Sir!”

smack!

smack!

(Little ones, but still continuing.. as that’s what happens with yellow. Less, but not stopping yet.)

“Are you going to be more respectful now??”

“Yes Sir”

(He rested the paddle against my ass once more….)

“Great! Then one last BIG smack. Prepare yourself . This one is meant to hurt and meant to last!”

S-M-A-C-K!!!

Ouchhhhhhh!!!!!

That’s when he said, “now all is forgiven. And time to get you ready for the day. Go get the chastity belt. I will put it on you.”

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir”

After it was on, he added, “oh and be sure to wear clothes WITHOUT a bra today!”

And so it was. And so it is.

And as i left the house he handed me a sealed envelope saying, “here are the keys. If you need to take it off, open the envelope. But make no mistake, I sealed it on purpose. You need to think twice before using this. Do I make myself clear?”

Again…. “Yes Sir. Thank you again Sir”

And he hugged and kissed and told each other we love one another… and off to work i go.

So in the end …. While i didn’t much think i deserves to be in “the position” for spanking…. i needed it. It tamed me. It put me back into the submissive mode TOWARDS HIM, not just myself!

And THAT is the rest of the story!

Hugs,

Marie