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216 – Change…. Is a happening.

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 216 – Change…. Is a happening.

Change. A single word that tends to cause a lot of people a lot of strife. i try hard to embrace it. A friend once told me to substitute the words “process improvement” for the word “change,” BECAUSE no one ever makes a “change” for the worse only for the better! Sometimes there are unintentional negative consequences when change occurs, but it’s never the goal either.

Well…. In the space of (basically) a week, i’ve had a lot of process improvement with great results!

When i receive comments on a particular post (or two), i tend to re-read the actual post as well. i especially do this when the original post is a bit older, like some of my original stuff 2-3 years ago now. But on occasion, i reread the newer stuff too. That’s usually when i find typos and correct them, or i add links to sites or posts, but i try NOT to amend or adjust the original content i made as it was how i thought or felt at the time of the post. And it makes for interesting reflections for me now too, to see the journey and plot twists along the way.

So when KDPierre posted a comment to me on my post that i made JUST ONE WEEK AGO, where i declared myself a sex addict in need of rehab (and chastity), i decided to reread the entire post again. i read the desperation now that i felt then. Now i have a renewed (detoxed!) presence of mind that i did not possess then. The only things I knew then were:

1) i want to orgasm REALLY badly,

2) i was (almost) wiling to do anything to get it,

3) that i was struggling to be submissive, yet desperately wanted to be,

4) wanted to still be a pleasing submissive wife to my Dominant Sir.

i was aware enough to know i needed to lock my sex out of my control to help me remain compliant, as i detoxed out of my selfish masturbating ways.

Now ….. just 7-days later, i realize just how far i’ve come in my sex-detox process in such a few short days, as we are STILL in NO-orgasm-VEMBER.

Change. Sometimes it is quick and sometimes it is not. Overall, i’d say this change has been quick. Not saying i am all the way there, but absolutely in a better place today over where i was last week too! (Wondering already what next week’s improvement will look like!)

While i’d love to orgasm still, i no longer want to move mountains to get it. i no longer think i have to have it. And i especially don’t think i have to have it RIGHT NOW! Instead, my focus has shifted away from me and onto my Sir. While admittedly, my focus should have been on him all along, somewhere along the way it became less about him and rather more about me, at least as it relates to sex and sexual pleasure. And until this orgasm control denial started and i experienced that extreme withdrawal, i didn’t even realize it!

What i realize now is just how badly NO-vember was needed! BEFORE NO-vember started, when i asked to suck his cock, i had ulterior motives. i was doing it because i wanted to get him hard, ride his cock, and get to my own orgasmic pleasure. While all of my actions got him to a happy ending also, my motives were really rather selfish in that i was doing it for me and justifying it in the process by telling myself it was making him happy.

Last night, however, we were laying in bed watching tv. Specifically we were watching college football. Absolutely nothing sexual or porn-like, when i asked him if i could suck his cock. i genuinely wanted to feel his cock getting hard in my mouth but really for no selfish reason at all. If he was wanting it, i wanted to get him off to really give him the sexual pleasure and release he deserves.

He was skeptical. He looked at me and said, “you aren’t going to be allowed to ride my cock. And you can’t get the orgasm that it seems you are after. So if you want to do this just to get what you want, it’s not going to happen!”

It became apparent to me then that he also has thought i have been selfish in my sexual actions. But last night, i genuinely did NOT want to orgasm (okay, i did, but it was NOT my driving motivation! ) but rather to get him to a happy place and for me to service him the way he deserved too.

i realized that he hasn’t been able to have sex with me this entire No-vember because he didn’t think i had enough self control to be penetrated without orgasming in the process. Sadly, a week ago, he was dead on accurate. Now though, while i can’t say how long i’d successfully hold out without having to ask him to stop or pull out, i could do it.

He allowed me to suck his cock while he watched football. i told him before it started to “tell me when you want me to stop or you orgasm, whichever comes first.”

He said ok and i positioned myself between his legs and began to suck him hard. i played tongue twirling games, then changed up the pattern, and used my hands along with my mouth a bit too. That’s when he grabbed the back of my head and pressed himself deep in my mouth, and then started pulling my hair to lift me back off again. He started to fuck my mouth up and down and faster and faster.

When we were done, he told me to show him my pussy. He wanted to see just how wet it was.

i responded with, “Yes Sir” and did as he told me to.

i already knew i was dripping wet, and when his fingers touched me and found how slick i was he smiled and commented about it. As he began to fondle my clit, he looked me in the eye and asked me, “and how much further can you go before you ask to orgasm??”

He had me stand there and he played with me until i begged him to “stop now Sir, or else i will go over the edge and orgasm.” To which he did stop.

When i started to get in bed on my side, he said, “how did that feel?”

i spoke truth when my response was, “simply amazing Sir! i hope you feel the same. My ultimate hope is that you can eventually feel as if you can use my holes to your pleasure without thinking i can’t control my orgasms enough too.”

He smiled and said, “I can see that you are getting there now, as you pleasured me tonight without you becoming so needy to get your own orgasm in the process. But let’s not tempt you beyond your limits either. You probably need to be locked up tonight, don’t you think?”

While i was proud of what i was able to accomplish…. Focus on HIM and NOT on me!!! ….. i was already thinking about how far can i test myself without it being just too much too!

So i said, “i have to agree Sir.” And i went and voluntarily locked myself up for a cozy night with Glory in her place and the keys were handed to my Sir.

All this to say ….. detox hasn’t been easy, but it is happening. My process is improving. My focus is becoming redirected away from me and onto David. This denial has been good. While I didn’t want to have to sleep in a chastity belt to keep myself from touching myself.. again…. this week of night time lock up has been good.

i won’t lie, i would orgasm today if he’d allow me to. But i also accept that it will not be allowed either. i hope that even when i am allowed to, that it is followed up with times of not being allowed to again also.

i don’t want to end up back where i was. i know this change, or process improvement, is good in the end. And it needs to remain in place.

When KD Pierre posted his comment, i saw he has a blog spot of his own, and i read some of his posts and specifically the one he mentioned in his post to me from December 2020. It’s there that he talked about the benefits of orgasm control/denial. That you never lose the desire to O, but when it’s controlled by another, you learn to appreciate it that much more. You learn how to be attentive to the one you serve and to be an even-better submissive. T-H-I-S is so true for me!

i need to maintain my focus on my Sir and his pleasure, respect the rules, and be grateful for the O’s that are given instead of pouting and/or becoming resentful of the ones i think i should be entitled to… after all, as i also wrote about just yesterday….. the O is a gift to be thankful for!

Hugs,

Marie

214 – My DISCIPLINED LIFE is not just about sex

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 214 – My DISCIPLINED LIFE is not just about sex

**Fair warning… full of deep thoughts and i got extra wordy today. Hope you stick to the end, but if you don’t, i get it! 😉

As of late, i have written a lot more about sex than discipline. While allowing sex to happen in any moment that pleases my husband is being submissive too, my “disciplined life” isn’t just about that either.

(** but in times of my intentional orgasm denial, i tend to think, walk, and talk S-E-X… so it’s easy to talk about A LOT!). Plus, domination and submission is sexy too. So there’s that!…. ANYWAY…..)

Our relationship does have rules, just not a formal contract, that include more than “just sex stuff” and all rules apply all the time. No matter where we are, what we do, who is with us…. The rules apply.

That may sound harsh, but i like it. It is consistent. We both know what to expect. i won’t say the rules are always applied correctly, or that we don’t change them, or that sometimes the rules need to be bent for certain situations because, well….they do. i should add that not just the rules are bent, but the consequences are sometimes also as well. While having “always applied” and “consistent practiced” being the ideal, it’s not practical. Unfortunately we have “life” that occurs causing rules and consequences to be bent.

The most obvious of reasons why the rules change (or get bent or transgressions more quickly forgiven without any real consequences) is illness. When either one of us do not feel well, it’s hard to do anything at all, let alone be dominant or submissive.

And sometimes we just “don’t feel like it” too. The most obvious time we don’t “feel” up to following the rules or enforcing the consequences is STRESS (and-or deadlines), especially stemming from work.

When we don’t feel like it, we have problems though. “Houston….. we have a problem” or multiple problems even!

Usually the problems start with ignoring the rules. When we say “it doesn’t apply” in this situation or for this reason or let’s take a break tonight or or or….. it amounts to excuses.

And like all things in life, we need to adhere to certain rules whether we “feel” like it or not. For example… can you imagine ignoring trash day because you don’t feel like it? Or how about ignoring the electric bill because you were “too busy” to get it paid?

We live by rules in our everyday life for a reason: to keep order.

And when they are not followed: chaos ensues.

So what are my rules? Really the answer to this question is also, in part, why we don’t have a contract. My rules are fairly general and generic. Things like, “Always show respect” and “Never talk back” and “say Sir when speaking to David”. And of course, i recently spoke about them in-depth recently and you can read all about it if you’d like.

Most of the times, my rules are easy but sometimes being so generic, it gets misunderstood or misinterpreted and that lands me in hot water. Most of the time though, the trouble i land is is me trying to use the vagueness to my advantage when i don’t “feel” like following the rules. That’s when i say, “oh. i didn’t realize you wanted ME to do that.” Or “i didn’t hear you Sir.” When i did. i knew. And i heard just fine. But I ignored him. On purpose.

And he knew it too.

Now he knows i lied too.

But he can’t prove it either.

And we both know.

THIS is where a good Dominant will enforce the rules anyway. Maybe a warning or a small punishment would be good. The first time. But not over and over.

So does David have rules too you ask? Well…. To lead our family, including me. He is to be fair and reasonable. Not change the rules on a whim. And enforce the rules for me when needed, whether he “feels” like it or not. Of course like me, sometimes he doesn’t “feel” like it.

When rules are enforced, we both know it has nothing to do with feelings or emotions. There’s a black and white situation at hand. There was a rule. It was broken. Consequences ensue. Consequences are enforced.

Period.

The end.

Feelings are not even relevant. He shouldn’t ever feel guilty about giving a spanking, making me stand in a Corner, or do whatever it is that is appropriate for the situation. Nor should i become emotional, try to twist the situation, or try to get out of the punishment. i earned it, i deserve it, and when it is administered we will both forgive, reset, and move on. (**Notice i did NOT say “forget”? Because neither of us should forget. If the transgressions are forgotten, then the rule is likely to be broken again and again causing unnecessary strife for all!)

i suppose really, how we both act or respond during punishment time is somewhat of a rule also. While i may not want it, or he may not want to give it, it is what it is at that moment. Like trash day… take it out and be done. Don’t overthink it, don’t try to change it, or make someone feel guilty, ashamed, or otherwise emotional about it. Similarly, David should just do it, and i should just accept it.

While it would stand to reason that most of the time, a punishment should be immediate, sometimes it’s not.

The three most obvious reasons that come to mind for not administering punishment immediately are:

1) being in a public place at the time, and

2) around our son and

3) when David is mad.

Taking those one at a time….

PUBLIC PLACES: i would say i tend to act up most while in public. i think the little devious side of me creeps in and says, “there’s nothing he can do about it right now.” So i say/do whatever i want, knowing nothing is going to happen. At least, not then or there. (**Read: brat submissive!)

Not then or there….But there’s no reason why it shouldn’t happen later or in a private place. And to that point, sometimes David doesn’t “feel” like it later or we are tired or we forget….. which gets me out of it. i think in some ways, i am counting on him to not feel like it later. Or maybe i am testing him too. Maybe not in an intentional, well-thought-out or appropriate way, and definitely not an appropriate one either.

A Dominant should always be true to his word. If he says, “you’ll be punished for doing xyz”, then you should be. Even if it happens later. But again, we (as humans, including my Dominant Sir) don’t always feel like it.

Let’s face it, we are not young kids or animals. We don’t have to have the punishment be swift or immediate. Because it’s not like i will forget that quickly why i am being punished later! And if i were to actually forget, it’s not hard to be reminded and think back to it when the punishment is administered too.

2) AROUND KIDS: Kids of any age are likely to think Mom is being beaten and abused if they were to hear Mom being spanked by Dad!

Spanking is NOT a quiet activity. Not only my yelps or tears, but David asking why are we here and talking to me too….. but ESPECIALLY noisy is the paddle itself when it collides with my ass cheeks. It makes a “smack” sound that is not quiet at all. (**there’s a reason why i write “S-M-A-C-K” when i describe my spankings in other posts!).

And while Domestic Discipline is in our marriage and a part of who we are, it’s not easily understood by ADULTS even. i know many of you don’t understand this is consensual, band while i can assure you: it IS!!; HOW would i ever be able to explain that to a child?

When i say child, i don’t just mean small ones. Our 17-year old, Senior in HS is still a child. He does not know about our DD household. (**no, he truly doesn’t!). Many people think and have even told me in emails, “he’s not stupid. He knows!” but i most definitely know he does not. i know this because we do not do any activities, including spanking, ANY time he is in the house. David has always spanked me when our son is away. The only thing our son has ever heard is me saying, “Sir” to David but here in the south, that’s reasonably the norm and our son doesn’t think much of it. (i even received a recent group email with several colleagues and clients were on the email, where one of the people replied all to a previous man’s statement with, “Yes Sir.”. My point is, even in the workplace, hearing someone say those words is not very uncommon.)

3) David is Mad. David has NEVER hit me, intentionally or otherwise, when he was mad. This is how i know he loves me unconditionally. No matter what caused his anger towards me, he has NEVER laid a hand on me until after his anger subsides.

And yet, when the anger subsides, those are the times when i KNOW i WILL be punished for it. The consequences or punishments are ALWAYS dolled out for these times. Without fail. But ALWAYS when he has calmed down.

David says he doesn’t trust himself when he gets angry to not beat me, to not go too far, to not just lash out with all he has. So because he’s still in control, of himself and our household, even when he is his most angry self, he refrains from dishing out all that i deserve.

And that’s how it should be!

That’s the difference between wife-beating and wife-discipline. That’s the difference between consent and non-consent. That’s why i know i can and do trust him to spank me when i most need it, but to never go too far either. And that’s why it’s consensual.

So… MY DISCIPLINED LIFE is about more than sex. It’s about rules. Every day, all the time…. But sometimes not always followed or enforced, even if it should be because… well… that’s life. But we try to do our best and move on from there.

Hugs,

Marie

213 – Glory saved me from myself.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 213 – Glory saved me from myself.

Night five in chastity started withOUT chastity. Are you surprised?

As you know now, i have named my belt. It feels more personal than just saying, “chastity belt.” She is named Glory. (Maybe i will go into more detail on another post about how that name came up to me, but also why i feel it is really perfect too! But not now…. Today is about Day 5 of continuous chastity, day 10 of NO-orgasm, NO-vember. (No orgasm didn’t start until Nov 6th, which begs the question if this orgasm denial will end on Dec 1… or be extended to Dec 6… to say it was a “full month” of denial…. More on that as the month unfolds!)

David and i were heading toward the bedtime hour by doing the usual evening routine activities, including brushing teeth, face, etc

David sleeps in lounge PJ shorts … because he can. i sleep nude… because i should. His body is his and my body is his. i am his to see, touch, or play with anytime he wants, so i am made available to him. Usually this works well, but in times of intentional orgasm denial, not so much.

THIS is the longest i have EVER been denied. i do not EVER remember going this long without an orgasm in much of my adult life! i have always had a sexual appetite and whether David has touched me or i touched me, i am touched a LOT.

In fact…..

i am a sex addict! And i think that is a GOOD thing. Wanting to flirt, have sex, or please my Sir is a GOOD thing….. (wait…i realize i am about to go down a squirrel trail and this could be an excellent start for another post, so i will stop here and get back on track!)

So… i am USUALLY touched a lot. But as you are well aware now… i am in the middle of NO-vember…. Meaning, NO orgasms in this month at ALL for me by my touch, David’s touch, or ANYONE else for that matter!

This is way harder than i thought it would be! But i am determined to do it. i won’t fail…. i just CAN’T. If i do fail, i will sorely be disappointed in myself, and i don’t even really want to think about what David will think or what he would do for punishment too! His disappointment would be too overwhelming for me! i would be depressed and beyond sad if i fail. So this challenge is good for me!

As i climbed into our bed, David said, “I see boobs!”

He always sees them at night, but by the fact he commented on them told me he was particularly attracted to them at that moment. (Or maybe he wasn’t, but used it as an opportunity to test me! Just because MY orgasms are denied, doesn’t mean his are in any way, form, fashion deterred!)

So i leaned in close, where his mouth immediately covered up my entire nipple and sucked on it. He grabbed my other one with his hand and rubbed it hard too.

And almost as quickly as it started, it stopped. He let go, laid his head on the pillow, and said, “let’s see if you can go tonight without chastity. You need to be able to do this on your own sometimes too.”

In all honesty, i was grateful he thought i didn’t need it as i had NO desire to sleep with Glory! At ALL! i had already been wrestling with it in my mind all evening long about how i did NOT want her hugging on me and i did NOT want to feel her hard steel against me. i was craving the soft touch of the sheets and to just feel a kinder, gentler love. i just needed a night’s break.

So i was relieved with his words! i smiled and said to David, “Yes! i was thinking that i didn’t need Glory too Sir. This will be good.”

And it was. For awhile.

We read, got sleepy, and then we turned out the lights and fell asleep quickly. i was happy and feeling loved.

Until i wasn’t.

i woke up at 2:30a. W-I-D-E awake. Laying on my back, with complete awareness of how the sheets were touching my pussy. i felt how good it felt when i just moved a millimeter in any direction, and the sheets rubbed against me in the softest way.

i told myself to ignore all that and go back to sleep. i tried. i tossed and turned, fluffed the pillow, switched up my positioning and the covers. It wasn’t working.

i decided to turn. onto my side and put a pillow between my legs to (kinda) limit access (but also the chiropractor says this is good to keep your back aligned too). But that pillow! Oh my! It felt SO good on my clit! Once again after trying to find sleep and failing, i found myself starting to arch my back and my pelvis…. humping the pillow.

i stopped, removed the pillow, and moved back to my back. i let my legs flop open and pulled the sheets outward, so it was taut and tucked it under my legs so that just my knees were touching it. It effectively made a tent over my lower half.

And then i started thinking about sex… and was having (awake-fantasy-dreams) about different sexual positions, activities, toys, and people touching me. i tried to distract myself saying, “Think of other things!”

Think about things like… uhm… thanksgiving …and … my birthday. Around the corner. And what we will be doing…. Which lead to thoughts of, “yeah you know what you’ll be doing… and what you will NOT be doing. You won’t be coming!”

THAT is when i reached down and touched my clit. i rubbed it. My cunt was sloppy slick in a matter of 5-seconds flat. i felt it dripping out of me. And i knew i HAD to stop.

I DID NOT ORGASM. I STOPPED. I ONLY JUST EDGED.

My mind continued on, “You won’t have an orgy like you wrote about before over a year ago. You won’t have all these hands and cocks and even other pussies all around you getting happy using your holes.”

AND THAT IS WHEN I TOUCHED MYSELF AGAIN. i said, “a little more edging is good for me. i didn’t get to THE edge (of orgasm) before. So getting to theedge is good for me. i won’t go over the edge. i can stop!!…..”

AND I DID. STOP. I DID NOT ORGASM. BUT I ALMOST DID. i SO did NOT want to stop. But i (thankfully!) did.

And my mind continued… “only if you are lucky will Sir even allow your pussy to be touched and orgasm because of course…. You poor, poor little girl… your birthday is in the month of NO-vember. Do you think that your Sir should relent and allow you to cum JUST because it is your birthday?”

AND I DID IT AGAIN. I TOUCHED THAT NEEDY PUSSY. AND AGAIN….I DID NOT ORGASM.

And …. My mind Continued….. “What’s a needy little cunt to do when it can’t be touched all the way to pleasure whenever it wants to? Will you be a brat and pout or accept this denial like the good submissive girl you are… even on your birthday?? And won’t you be THANKFUl for it too? Won’t you realize and appreciate how much you are loved?”

THE ENTIRE TIME, MY FINGER SWIRLED MY CLIT. PLAYED WITH MY OPENING. PRESSED A FINGER INSIDE AND PULLED OUT AGAIN.

ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH!

I HAVE TO STOP. I CAN-NOT-CUM. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BECAUSE THIS IS NOT ALLOWED!

i then heard my rational brain kick in and i said, “GET UP. GO GET GLORY. YOU NEED HELP!“

Then i even tried to argue with myself, “but if i have the key, how will that be effective? i can pull her into place, but what’s the point knowing i can use the key (since Sir is asleep and i can’t give him the key for safekeeping.)” That’s when it came to me. i knew the solution.

i went to the closet, laid down on the floor, and strapped myself in her. i am getting to be so close with my chastity belt, i can quite literally strap myself in without lights and only using my touch! (Strapping in is a matter of: straddle the three parts – belt around each hip and metal between my legs; attach one side of the belt to the middle metal part that goes through my legs; hold it in place while strapping on the other side of the belt; put the metal heart-covering through the TWO holes on the front that hold it and the three straps in their place; hold all of this in place to attach the lock over top; twist it to fit securely and lock it closed. And hand over the keys. Quite a bit to do in the dark without eyes, but rather only hands. But i did it, pretty swiftly too actually! i admit, i even surprised myself!)

i grabbed up the keys, went into our bedroom, and on the dresser is a glass bowl that i keep all my jewelry. i softly placed the key in the bowl in order to limit the “clank” sound that was inevitable. i KNEW as it mixed in with the other metal jewels, i’d not be able to lay my hands on it too easily if i wanted to in the dark. So this limited my ability to easily retrieve it back up again. i also knew if i did try, it would make a LOT of noise and probably wake Sir in the process, where i’d have been asked, “what are you doing?” NOT a question i’d want to have to answer at all. Besides, i sorely needed SLEEP!

So i got back in bed. On my back. Legs spread wide. Without ANY access.

ACCESS DENIED!

AND I WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT!

The rational brain told myself, “There! THIS is what you need! You want to succeed at NO-vember and you have the tools to do it. Use your tools wisely. Work smarter, not harder. Now go to sleep!”

And i did.

While i am unsure how Sir will respond this morning to my obvious weaknesses and clear need for Glory to be wrapped around my sex, i succeeded in thinking rationally, getting much needed sleep, AND NO-orgasm-vember. While not exactly what Sir (or i) had in mind at the time we first closed our eyes, i DID succeed in NO orgasms! i am still on the track i should be!

i suspect the rest of the month… i will have night after night of being locked from start to finish with Glory in her rightful place and i am OK with that. In fact, i think i need it. i just hope i don’t have to try (and probably fail!) anymore alone. Glory really does have my best interest at heart! So why not just let her do her job?!

(But here’s to hoping these sexual cravings subside too!)

Hugs,

Marie

212 – Rules … can be sexy but not always

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 212 – Rules … can be sexy but not always

i often refer to “the rules” that we have in a generic sense. And i guess maybe because we don’t have them written down, our “rules” can maybe be considered fairly generic. i think sometimes generic is better, as it can be applied easily overall. And yet, we do have some rules that are fairly specific too.

Even the Constitution of the USA is fairly generic … or maybe general is a better word. The ability to apply it across the board makes it easier to use, and less likely to have any reason to follow up or amend it later.

So what are my rules? i don’t remember actually ever writing about them, so i will do so now…… and if i did before, we’ll, you’ll have a repeat!

But first, i will say… the rules apply 24/7, 365. There’s NEVER a time when they don’t apply. There may be times where the consequences for breaking them need to be bent a bit, but they ALWAYS apply.

1) i am to use the word Sir. Regularly. Often. With intentional meaning too. It is his preferred term of endearment from me as it shows respect and honor. Generally it is a sign of elevation to the one it is being said to and a lowering of the one saying it, so it’s pretty appropriate too.

2) Speak with respect… i am to show respect at all times. Never to yell or insist i am “right” and he is (therefore by default) “wrong”. i can and do make my wishes or opinions known but i always know to do it with respect in my voice, actions, and thoughts.

3) deferral. At the end of the day, only one of us will win. And it won’t be me. And this is ok by me. Honestly, it is. By “not winning” i don’t mean that then i lose though either. i am allowed to speak my thoughts and opinions and i may well have influenced his ultimate decision, but he does have final authority and decision-making power. Over everything. On occasion, he may tell me to make the decision about something but it was even then that ultimately he decided to give over that decision for me to handle in that specific situation. So at all times, i defer to his authority.

4) dress sexy. This means i am to be clean shaven. ALL over. Especially on my puss. Completely devoid of all hair. At ALL times. It also means rarely a bra, on approved occasion panties, and overall fitted, sexy clothes whenever possible. i do not wear frumpy Grandma clothes hardly ever. i say “hardly” because there are times… when feeling ill, doing yard work, etc. but that often.

And yes, the clean shaven puss is required. i wouldn’t say David “inspects” me, but he wants it the way he wants it and expects to find it that way anytime he touches it too. At first, it made me feel childish. Seeing my pussy without hair the first time made me feel strange, awkward, and honestly embarrassed. i happen to think that was part of his intention.

While no hair is practical in more ways than one, having me see my childhood pussy made me feel smaller again. Smaller than him, allows him to be slightly elevated, which goes to the previous rules… he is in charge, he is to be respected with Sir, to be deferred to, and makes the decisions. This was a physical and visual part of it come to life.

5) always ask to take a soaking, warm, relaxing bath. i told you about this in the last post but i will mention a bit of the particulars once more here too. Because i don’t do well having fully access to my naked body, especially when my mind slows down and my body is still, that i am tempted beyond my abilities. So he requires that i ask permission ahead of doing so, sometimes it is denied but frequently approved. And he checks on me regularly while there to ensure i am being good the entire time.

6) maintenance spanking on Fridays. i have talked a lot about this in separate posts also. But in the interest of keeping all the rules listed in one place, it’s here too.

i won’t talk much here because it is well documented throughout my blog, but I’ve will suffice to say, “practice makes perfect.” This is for both David and i. David has learned perfectly just exactly how to spank. That sounds silly writing it, but it’s true. When we first started doing domestic discipline, he was not good at it. It’s hard to know how much is enough, too much, or too little. When he first started out, he was so afraid of abusing me and going too far, that he absolutely went too little, As well, i also found the point that i know it’s effective but not too much …. Or too little.

Maintenance reinforces what we want. Keeps it in the front of my mind of what could be (even worse yet), if the submissive mindset fails to operate as intended. In other words, if/when these rules are broken, a punishment will ensue.

7) my body belongs to him. i do not touch myself sexually for pleasure without his permission. Well, officially i am allowed to “touch” and even edge myself if i wish to, but i am NEVER to orgasm without express authority AND even the edging is supposed to be with permission or at least me telling him that’s what i am doing. And sometimes he orders edging, which of course, i comply.

i have to ask to orgasm every single time, even at his touch too.

Frequently this last rule is the one i struggle with the most, which is why i write a lot of sex-charged posts from me. Mainly i struggle with it because i have come to realize that giving him authority and power in all things in our house and especially over me is truly a turn on for me.

i find his power is super sexy. i have always been more attracted to confident men, and ones who take charge and get things done especially. But of course, in current times it seems men are taught that a strong confident authoritative man is too much. Men are taught that they are to treat their wife as their equal, so lots of men squash down that part of them that is the confident, decision-making part, for fear of backlash if-when they let that out. But for me, when David is especially in his Dominant space, i go to my sub space too…. In or out of the bedroom. But of course, it gets me ALL wet all the same too!

And in my sub space, i am so turned on and completely intoxicated as he exerts his authority over me that i just want to orgasm right then and there on the spot. And when i need to touch myself (or try too hard to get him to touch me), i usually become focused on achieving that O a little too much, which of course, lands me in trouble where consequences ensue…. Which leads me to post here either about the sexual charge OR the punishment OR both!

My point though is that Domestic Discipline (DD) isn’t especially or necessarily about sex. It’s more about authority and control, but it often has a sexual-component to it too.

And specifically, as of late, i have now completed 4-consecutive nights of sleeping up close and snuggled in with Glory. (i do think that name fits.)

For me, wanting to encourage my Husband to fully take charge AND as i think about dressing sexy for him, i think the repressed inner-sexy-slut girl yearns to be let out. (Yes, women have been taught to be a “good girl” we are to be sexually chaste, but truly, we should be taught to let it out… especially for and with our husbands!).

So when David calls me his Good Girl that inner sexy-self does come out, and it all becomes so much about sex that it seems to be more of my focus.

AND LASTLY…. i’m not entirely sure if i would call this a “rule,” but maybe….

8-maybe-a-rule) if and when the rules are broken, to expect… and accept… the punishment that results. Frequently the punishment is a VERY-hard, make-me-regret-my-actions spanking. But it doesn’t have to be and isn’t always that either as the punishment can and often does reflect the transgression. (So is this a rule, or more of just what to expect when the rules are not followed!?)

i can’t think of any other rules, it if i have an “oh yah, i forgot…” moment, i’ll update this post.

So speaking of inner sexy-slut-GOOD-submissive-wife-girl… i need to go be and do all that now….. be a submissive wife …. While asking for the key to Glory to be removed in order to start my day! (For the record, officially Glory could stay on, as it’s actually able. But i really don’t like going to the bathroom and soiling her or me anymore than necessary either…. Yah, now i’m edging back toward chastity belt discussions… i’ll stop now. But just for now. 😉).

(How’s that for a Non-Glory filled post? Yah, ok… failed. Oh well. At least it wasn’t “just” about her either!)

Hugs,

Marie

210 – The BIG O. Under lock and key.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 210 – The BIG O. Under lock and key.

i am feeling a little depressed tonight. David is near going to sleep. And i found myself thinking he needed to turn out the lights already so i could put my hand down under the covers and masturbate….

All the way to orgasm!

i was fully intending to do so. And i didn’t give a flying rat’s ass about NO-vember. It’s dumb. It was self imposed. He only started it because of me saying it, and it is … well….. VERY dumb.

i found myself thinking, “i am a good person, i deserve to be able to touch myself. This is MY body. i was so stupid to want to be a submissive wife. If i were instead a “normal” wife, i’d be able to do whatever the FUCK i wanted to!”

i continued, “i could FUCK myself anytime i wanted with anything i wanted… a dildo, a vibrator, another live-man- cock, hell even a wooden spoon from the kitchen if i wanted to!”

And i continued …… with how stupid i am to even come up with the idea of NO-vember in the first place. i mean, who in their right mind says, “hey, i don’t want to orgasm or have sexual highs for an entire 30-fucking days?!?”

W-H-Y can’t i be “normal”? W-H-Y can’t vanilla sex and being my husband’s equal be enough for me?! WTF was i thinking becoming a submissive wife who can’t even orgasm on her own time??

And as i lay beside him thinking all these things, OF MY OWN DOING, i got up, went to the closet, and locked myself up in my chastity belt. i decided i needed chastity. And i will sleep in it once more.

This is the second night in a row now. All these thoughts came just the SECOND night of wearing the chastity belt to sleep. But it wasn’t the belt that was causing my temper tantrum… it’s the elusive O that i am chasing and unable to have.

CHASTITY…. THIS is what i ultimately need. Whether i belong to David or not, of which i DO (!!) self control seems to be beyond me. i am at one week of self-imposed (and being enforced by David) “NO ORGASM,” and i am having withdrawals. i am an addict wanting my drug of choice: the big natural high of a big O!

i am addicted to sex and to orgasms specifically. i do indeed get “High” with the sexual release of the O. The very minute i come, that natural release of hormones brings me peace and happiness. i feel tension subside. i feel a spreading of warmth throughout my body as my blood rushes around inside me. Or said another way….. a “drug addict high”. And this drug is so much better than any other because it is: 1) natural, 2) legal, 3) FREE! and 4) the biggest of all: available ANY TIME.

And yet…. It’s NOT. Not available any time. Not to me anyway. Because i gave up my rights to the big O and the owner of them says NO. i am not allowed to play with HIS toys… or chase the Big O.

i am at the place where when someone goes to rehab, (at least in the movies), they are desperate to do whatever it takes to get that drug they think they must have! They start begging for it. They plead. They are strung out and look terrible, and they don’t care. As the movie watcher, we know that drug they crave is killing them and they need to get over it already. Yet… they don’t see it that way, at least not yet.

Well here i am ….…. “Hello, my name is Marie and i am an O addict!”

But having orgasms, as much as i want anyway, isn’t good for me. It’s not mine. i gave it up a long time ago. Willingly. To my Sir. And when i DO get to climax, it should be appreciated and loved, and cherished… both the O itself AND my Sir for wanting me to feel it with him too.

i shouldn’t be able to take it back any time i want, just because i want it. i am not a little kid that gets to throw a temper tantrum and get my way.

And being a submissive wife is what i also know is good for me. And him. And our entire family! As i have said before numerous times, our relationship is so much stronger when we are doing our D/s thing. We fight way less (and btw… usually November is our worst month of the year for our relationship where we tend to fight more than ever. Not this year though!)

And vanilla sex is … well… vanilla. Boring. And …. Allowing my husband to lead my family, including me (AND for him to OWN my SEX) is a choice that matters. THIS is good for me.

So. i put on the belt of my own volition. And i handed him the key.

As i did so, i asked Sir, “do you like this look?”

The “look” being that i am wearing exactly two things: 1) my collar, and 2) my chastity belt. Nothing else.

He said, “no, I do not. I wish you had more self control. But now at least we both know you can enjoy your porn without orgasm tonight again.”

i wanted to cry. Not sure if it’s because he’s right or because i didn’t want him to be right.

So even as i sit and type to you, i am saddened that i am NOT able to have a natural self control, but that i am smart enough to know…. Chastity is what i ultimately need. And while i am not exactly pleasing to my Sir at this exact moment, he knows that i need the chastity belt too.

Knowing that i do NOT need to succumb to my sexual appetite and expelling the desire to orgasm. Is what i need. And abstaining from Orgasm for 30-days is a good thing! i shouldn’t be so addicted to anything, including my drug of choice…. My own sexual body parts.. or more accurately, that feeling if the HIGH that i get from my body parts!

But i won’t lie…. my tits are beautiful as i look past them to type to you. And my clit is feeling every movement of my iPad as it rests on my belly (and the belt) for me to type out this message. No joke, my clit is SO sensitive right now, it is feeling every single tap on the screen as it moves the pad just enough that it is causing my clit to swell. i can feel my clit pressing against the metal and i am becoming incredibly aroused! And ultimately my clit still thinks i am stupid as it presses harder and harder against the metal bars it is held underneath. And my pussy is also begging for release.. from chastity AND from this NO-orgasm prison sentence it is under.

But ultimately, maybe i do have “just enough” self control too as my mind says “NO! Be strong!” Of course, now as i sit in chastity, i really have no choice in the matter. But did i even really have a choice before???

Tell me i am not stupid, or crazy, or … well… i don’t know. Maybe i am those things and you can’t. i get it.

Just to be clear…. i am not upset i am wearing a belt to sleep in. In fact, i am grateful it’s here and on. It has given me a bit of mental reprieve to have this O taken further away from my literal grasp! Because it’s just an arm’s length away, but now, underneath lock and key it’s in its place. And that gives me mental relief to be able to stay the course and still not capture the O that i so desperately feel i need!

As i go to sleep… again in chastity…. Just know i give you all my many hugs… but not my O, because even i do not own that. i do not even have the key……

And yes, NORA, this is me and my chastity belt.

Hugs,

Marie