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Tag: my submissiveness

259 – 24-hours. Is a long time.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 259 – 24-hours. Is a long time.

In chastity. Alone. As my Sir is away from home, i am locked up. i don’t have self control. Not enough anyway. i have a propensity to play with myself, without permission when left to my own devices. But not this time.

David left this morning and is home tomorrow morning. As i dressed this morning, the belt went on. And he hid the key somewhere in our house. i can ask for it if i truly need it, and i suppose i might could possibly find it if i looked. But. i won’t. i won’t ask or search on my own. Because i can do this. i am strong enough to endure.

i need to do this.

i need to prove i can follow orders.

i need to prove i can be strong.

i can be a good girl.

As David left, he kissed me, said how much he loved me, and then said, “Tryyyy to be a good girl.”

i laughed. i rolled my eyes. i said, “it’s a bit difficult to be bad when i am locked up Sir.” i am saying “Sir” a wholeeee lot now!

He smiled and said, “I’m sure you could find a way of you wanted to. But I’m sure you don’t. Correct?”

“Correct Sir.”

So how how did it go anyway?! Glad you asked….

6:15 a.m.

i went to David and as i was naked, i stood in front of him and spread my legs. And then i said, “it’s nearly time to lock up. Do you want to touch her before you leave?”

He looked at my puss and said, “nope! Sure don’t! Be sure to bring me the keys.”

Well, i wanted to pout. And beg. But i didn’t. Thankfully! Instead, i was a good girl and went to shower, dress, and lock up. Tight. Even though he hasn’t touched her in 2-full days now, i was determined to be good.

7:00 am

While tucked snuggly into place under her belt, i grabbed the lock and snapped it in place. With that, i handed David the key. He smiled and thanked me for being a good girl and asked if i am ready for this. i responded truthfully, “yes…and no…Sir.” Gotta get the “Sir” in there now too!

He then said, “go wait for me in the car.” He was hiding the key from my sight.

And i drove him to the airport. We talked about mundane things. Anything BUT the steel between my legs!

Meanwhile ALL i could think about is the next 24-hours…. How will i make this happen? If i ask for the key early, will that be disappointing for me or him or both?! The belt is already a bit chafing… maybe it’s just not positioned correctly… or maybe I just haven’t settled into the feeling of it yet…. So seriously, how will i make it 24-full hours like this…. how i wanted to rip the belt off and be a normal person. i know i am NOT normal. Is that a bad thing though?!

After dropping him at the airport, i drove to my office. As i drove, all these wild thoughts were in my head about this belt. That’s when my free hand wandered down into my pants. i knew i couldn’t touch myself for real but i had a desire to touch the metal with my bare hand. i wanted to touch it and see just how “real” this 24-hours of restricted access feels like.

And i worked to reposition it to a less chafing position. It didn’t move though, at least not much anyway. It’s not supposed to really. That’s the whole point. Restricted access means it won’t move from the full coverage it provides!

Then i pressed straight onto the plate itself. i wanted to know more about how my pussy would feel inside the plate if it felt pressed from the outside. No, i hadn’t really done that when i have worn it previously.

In times before, i respected (or feared) the belt enough too much to even try to see if i could get a stimulant from the outside. But this time is different. This time feels more like an intimate and close friend. And as close as we are, i need to know your friendliness meter. This time i am wearing this for a full 24-hours and i wanted to know if i could stimulate (okay, fine …call it what it is, “masturbate”) myself at all, and of so, how would it feel.

This was a no-go. While i could feel pressure on the outer edges of the plate, where the edge of the belt meets my thighs, it was nowhere near my pussy opening or clit! They felt absolutely zero. Nothing. Nada. As far as my pussy was concerned, there wasn’t anything but darkness in her world! She saw no light, heard no sound, and felt no pressure.

i couldn’t decide if i was pleased about this or not. But i did accept chastity willingly, heck i asked for it! So i suppose in the sense this is exactly what I need and asked for… i like it. It’s effective! And the belt may be close and intimate, but she has zero desire to be my friend.

8:00 a.m.

i arrive at work after a bit. i wonder if anyone can tell i am different today. i know they can’t see anything through my clothes as the belt is fully covered and inconspicuous. But can they see the difference in my demeanor? No, i am sure they can’t see that either, to which i am really kinda disappointed actually! i feel different, so shouldn’t they see how different i am? No, they don’t notice.

But let’s face it, people are always preoccupied to notice things like a chastity belt on their coworker which is causing her to talk, walk, and act just a bit differently today. Of course, i couldn’t tell you anything about any of them either. Why? Because i was too preoccupied trying to look normal and to see if they notice i am not acting normal. There’s the word “normal” again.

In fact, i am really rather distracted at work. i am comfortable in my chair with the belt on, but will it stay that comfortable when i stand up? Maybe i should practice doing that (standing and sitting) now so if i have to do it later in front of someone else, i will know if it will make noise at the wrong time, or squeeze my labia to painful moments, or something else i haven’t even thought of too.

Never mind… i have to focus and get work done already!

10:00 a.m.

i am quite thankful i have very few scheduled meetings today. i can hide out in my office and be less conspicuous. At least i hope that’s what happens.

But i have to pee. Oh here we go!

10:30 a.m.

Oh geez. i really have to use the bathroom now. i have held it in for 30-minutes but that’s the best i can do. i have to do this. In the belt. Okay, here we go.

There are holes in the belt shield for this purpose, but it feels so humiliating. It feels like i am peeing in my clothes, like a little kid or something. All of which is weird, so i have to truly concentrate on relaxing my muscles and just let it flow.

And when it does, while it ends up where it should in the toilet, it’s not a single stream but a spread out all over stream. Causing a bit of a question if there’s still urine trapped between my labia folds and the belt.

So now i have to wipe. As good as possibly can be done anyway. And i wipe some more. And for good measure, I wipe more. i hold the belt out as far as possible with one hand, suck in my gut, and try to press paper in there to soak up the urine. i think urine is gross anyway, so i want to be as clean and dry as possible, which takes a lot of effort!

Okay, that accomplished, won’t lie.. that was worse in my head than in reality. So, back to work now.

11:30 a.m.

Time for lunch. Together with 4-coworkers, we go out to a Mexican restaurant together. While I could care less about the strangers, i worry if may coworkers can hear the metal plate clanging around as i walk. i wonder if getting in and out of their car together will be the obvious defining moment to give away the fact that i am different today. i watch their moves to see if they hear it, tune in to it, or wonder why it’s coming from my torso! Nothing.

This is all good, right?

12:30 p.m.

Back at the office and back at my desk. And seriously, time to be normal and just get some work done already!

But i feel like i want to tell someone about my belt. i want someone to see. i want to see the shock on their face and me giggle at it. But that’s not normal. i wouldn’t show my coworkers my underwear, so why would i show them this steel belt?!

Because now David’s plane has landed, i decide to tell David about this “desire” to show off. The response i got back was, “hmm.” Not what i was expecting really. i thought he would chastise me (get that pun there!? Lol) for wanting to show off my chastity belt! No matter, the “hmm” was likely all i really needed, and he didn’t have to rub it in. i knew that was ultimately what he thought!

1:30 p.m.

Now i am finally into a groove for work productivity. i have accomplished some things and need to keep going.

The belt isn’t chafing at all now. i wonder if my earlier thoughts of the chafing were just my body needing to settle into the feelings of being pressed upon by the metal.

If the rest of the afternoon continues like this, i will definitely get all the way to tomorrow morning without having to ask for the key! i won’t disappoint Sir or myself! Now i am hopeful. And determined too.

2:30 p.m.

Oh here we go back to the bathroom again. Alright, i can do this. i already did it once today, not to mention it had done it in the belt before too.

No idea why i am such a head case about this. This time, i even go to another floor in my building. i noticed the lock made some noise as i pulled my pants down last time. If a coworker is in the bathroom at the same time, they would notice it and it’s a 2-person stall bathroom. They would know it was coming from me.

Suddenly it occurs to me that I have gone from wanting them to notice, to wanting to show it off, to now not wanting anyone to know at all.

Them NOT knowing is really the right answer.

On the other floor and in the bathroom, this time it went even easier than last time. Practice makes perfect. Do i want to be perfect at this? To be perfect means i am doing this a lot, meaning i am wearing the belt a lot. Yes, i want this! This is good for me!

3:30 p.m.

Never even saw the clock in this hour. That’s a good thing.

This belt has become my new-normal. And that’s a good thing too!

4:30 p.m.

Another easy and productive hour! Yah. i got this.

i am confident now i can make it to tomorrow. i see nothing standing in my way. i AM A CHASTITY GIRL!

But i am not even officially to 12-hours yet and a lot of time still in front of me!

5:30 p.m.

Time to go to a fast dinner with my sister. i know she won’t notice or see my belt in any way. i have gotten used to standing, walking, sitting in it now. And i am accepting of it as i have figured out how to manage with it physically and mentally too, so there’s no chance of me acting weird either.

It was a pleasant meal. We talked about mundane things, which is how it should be.

6:30 p.m.

It is Wednesday. Every good (Southern Baptist) girl goes to church on Wednesday night for an hour of bible study and to commune with like-minded people.

i am in a bible study that just kicked off last week. But not only am i in it, i lead it. i am standing in the front of the “class” for ladies bible study, while walking around, with them sitting down.

Their eyes are level with my crotch. i wonder if anyone has laser beam vision to see straight through my pants to the metal i am wearing. But that would be a super hero move, and while still pretty awesome, no one in this room is a super hero, at least that i know of anyway.

Maybe i am a super hero, with my own plate shield to protect me from all kinds of evil, real or perceived. My most intimate part is under full protection. From what? From myself. And everyone else too!

7:30 p.m.

i drive home. After getting home, i text David to let him know i am home and thinking of him. And i get naked.

i exchange some banter with Sir by saying, “maybe i need to have the key now to unlock this belt and be fully naked now.”

He responds with, “not a chance! You can ask, but you won’t get it. You are as naked now as you are going to get.”

“But then what if i need the key?! How would you know how desperately i need it?”

“You won’t.”

“But how will you know that Sir?” (forgot the “Sir” with previous texts. Not sure if he noticed! Hope not for my sake.)

“Because you made it this far without asking. Besides you are just stubborn enough that you won’t ask.”

“You are probably correct Sir.”

“Probably???”

“Ok, i know you are correct, but i don’t want to admit i am that stubborn.”

“Hmm”. (That little word is really multipurpose.)

8:30 p.m.

As i was doing little things around the house like picking up/cleaning, watching tv, playing ball with the dog, i opened a drawer to put something away.

There lays the key.

To my belt.

Right there.

Do i tell David i found it? He will think i went looking for it. But i can explain. But i didn’t do anything wrong to need to report ether. Does it matter that i found it if i don’t touch it, and definitely not use it?

Just shut the drawer and pretend i never saw it.

But i can’t unsee it.

Besides, i am getting tired of this belt now too. It’s not so friendly at all anymore, not that it was any too friend,y from the start anyway! But now the excitement of it has definitely worn off. i could escape and sleep well and no one would have to know.

But i would know.

Just shut the drawer and walk away!

9:00 p.m.

Time to use the bathroom again. Damn bladder.

i can just go get the key, unlock myself, use the toilet, and relock back. That would make the bathroom experience so much easier and better. And i could ensure a good wipe. That would help me sleep better, knowing i am clean under this belt.

But it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Forget about the key already!

Damn key.

i am a good girl. i am a good girl. Keep telling myself that.

And i am. And i did. And i left the key in its place and used the bathroom in the belt.

Damn belt.

10:00 p.m.

“Go lay down and read. Or write in the blog. Or play a stupid game on your iPad. Hell, go to sleep. But forget about that damn key!”

“You are nearly to the morning. All you have to do now is sleep. And be a good girl.” is what i told myself.

And that’s what i did.

i put a pillow between my legs as i always do, to help give me a straight back as i lay on my side (per chiropractor, this is helpful and i am now used to it.)

It feels good between my legs. i want to masturbate. Maybe if i hump the pillow a little it will help.

Damn pillow.

Humping it does nothing good. In fact, it probably made it worse as the frustration is no seriously amped up to a higher notch!

Now i just need to orgasm that much more, without any ability to do anything about it. No orgasm for me.

Damn key.

i am a good girl, i am a good girl, I AM A GOOD GIRL!!!

Turn over and go to sleep already! And i did.

Seriously… i AM a good girl, despite the damn key!

5:30 a.m.

i slept really good. i don’t remember waking up one time, turning over, dreaming, nothing. i feel quite relaxed now.

And only about 2’ish more hours and my Sir will be home and the belt will come off.

i even use the restroom without even thinking twice. AND without being unlocked. Who cares about the damn key, because I AM A GOOD GIRL!

6:30 a.m.

He has landed. He’s taking an Uber home.

Woo hoo! Can’t wait to see him. Oh how i miss him when he’s gone. While i have been hyper focused on the belt, i have an even more interest in seeing him, my Sir!

7:30 a.m.

He’s home! i greet him with the biggest smile and kiss. Naked. Except of course, for the belt.

He says, “Wow. I love this greeting! This is wonderful. Is this for spending 24-hours all locked up??”

“i am just happy to see you Sir.”

“I can tell. But I have been gone for 24-hours before and never gotten this wonderful of a welcome home. I think it’s the belt that’s done this.”

“i won’t lie Sir, it has made me focus the last 24-(plus) hours. It is incredibly effective.”

“I should say so. Make no mistake, we will be using it more now that I witness it’s effects on your demeanor.” (Someone noticed the change in me. Just not my co-workers. And that’s ok, as the only person i truly care to notice is my Sir!)

“Good thing the fitted belt is coming soon Sir. It will probably be more effective than this one.”

“Perfect. I’m so proud of you for being obedient and wearing this belt for the duration. I wasn’t sure you would or could. But now it’s time to get you out of this and give you the reward you’ve earned!”

Yippie for me!

i am now off here… and out of the belt …and getting to orgasm in a big way! i wonder how soon it is until Sir has another out-of-town trip!?

Hugs,

Marie

256 – Friday – my New (Old) Normal

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 256 – Friday – my New (Old) Normal

This week is mostly done. And so far, i have held myself together … mostly. Okay, kinda sorta.

And so far, i have escaped a spanking. Mostly. Unless you count Maintenance Friday, then i definitely did NOT escape a spanking. (It hurt! It needed to. i truly needed it to. i was much happier afterward. Helped to screw my head on straight!)

But before this morning…. My emotions have been ALL over the place. i’ve been extremely happy for our son, extremely sad for me, and incredibly angry and annoyed with David.

But then also incredibly in love and happy with David too.

David has made me very well aware that i am NOT using the word Sir enough. He’s made me aware that i am “only a submissive when (i) want to be!” And he’s allowed me to be emotional. He’s allowed me to be a Mom who is sad and NOT the best submissive wife i desire to be.

But then he reminded me of the commitment I made to be submissive by spanking me today. On this Friday. We resumed Maintenance.

This week, another submissive blogger than i follow (and admire) blogged about respect. It stuck. She wrote some good stuff and it made me start thinking about how DISrespectful i have been this week.

She mentioned that the #1 thing men seek in a wife is one who shows respect to him. And related, the man wants her to show appreciation for him too. i did a google search and found a LOT of support for what she wrote. It may inspire me to write more about respect another day. But for now…. It reminded me today that i need to be more respectful.

i need to adopt and accept my new normal. And that new normal is more respectful, appreciative, and responsive to David! i mean, he is my #1! If it weren’t for him, i wouldn’t have a son at all to be happy or sad about!

In this new normal, i was spanked this Friday morning. Okay, so that’s the old normal too, but it was good to have a reminder that i need to: 1) respect for the way we do things is still the right way, 2) respect for David as the man of my life, and 3) my Son is in his place living his best life.

And that spanking is my grounder. i am spanked because i need it. i am a better woman, wife, and mother after i show respect by saying Sir, loving my husband, and ….

Getting naked in my living room every night now too. Yep, that’s part of my new normal too!

There’s good AND bad when things change. But accepting and even embracing the new normal is the way forward. In the nude. In my living room, with David staring at my boobs, touching my clit, and denying me the orgasm i seek.

i love it! My new and old normal!

Hugs,

Marie

254 – Submission choosing me… (to pick the margaritas)

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 254 – Submission choosing me… (to pick the margaritas)

i have said that “i didn’t choose submission, that submission chose me.” In this post, i intend to expand on that entire thought….

When i think back to my younger days, and even all the way back to my childhood, i would say that while i didn’t recognize it as such at the time, i have always had a submissive personality. i even contemplated the nature vs nurture thing here, and i honestly don’t know which it is.

What i know is, i have always been and always will be a submissive.

In trying to organize my thoughts on how to expand on this, i did a search of “personality traits of a submissive.” i then read through quite a few of the articles, and many of the sites portrayed being submissive as a negative thing. Many made it seem as if all submissives are in abusive relationships and need to be saved. One even said to seek therapy and “aggressive counseling.” i laughed at that one! If you couldn’t guess already, i am NOT abused, NOT in need of save for or therapy. Okay, maybe the therapy, but still. Lol!

While i can see that it could and probably does happen in some relationships (that a submissive is taken advantage of and/or is abused), this isn’t how it has to be or always is. And i would think the opposite is true too, that a dominant person could be taken advantage of and/or abused. i guess i would say that it just shouldn’t be assumed that submissive = abused. i know that’s not true for me for sure!

That said, i did find several articles that listed a lot of traits that i’d say pretty well define me, and i compiled my own listing in the process. Here’s my list along with some dialogue too!

Now to expand on those things above, as it relates to me personally

PEOPLE PLEASER (or “conflict avoidance”)

One character trait that shows up on every personality test i have ever taken is that i am a people pleaser. i like to see people happy and to the extent that i can make that happen, i do.

The old adage that says, “you can’t make all the people happy all the time,” is absolutely true, but it always causes me anxiety too. While i recognize and freely state that it’s absolutely true, when i am put into the position of being the one to decide who will be made happy and who is to be made UNhappy, i am suddenly also unhappy. i want to please ALL the people, and somehow knowing whatever i decide is assuredly going to cause someone unhappiness at my doing, seems wrong. i mean, i literally caused the negative situation by making a decision to chose someone else’s happiness and not theirs. It’s upsetting for me every time!

Now before you go saying, “yeah but…” i get how ludicrous what i just said really is. But it’s how i feel in that moment. i can’t necessarily apply logic and understanding to know it was not my fault, they will get over it, someone had to lose, made the best decision possible, etc. until later. But even then, while acknowledging it couldn’t be helped, i still feel bad about it too.

Now think of the flip side here in that at least one or more of the people are happy when i make a decision to serve or please them. That brings joy and happiness to them, AND in the process to me too! When there is more than one to serve/make happy, it’s then that i experience a quandary of what to do or say or how to act or who to please (or disappoint)!

i have been trying to serve others in my daily world my whole life. In a lot of ways, it could be said that i have always been submissive in the sense that my joy comes when other people have joy. i am a service submissive in that sense. Although i never recognized it as being a submissive at all at the time either, i know it now!

Without a doubt, this has defined a lot of my younger years. As i have grown older, i have learned to exercise more discernment about who i serve or try to please. That’s where i am able to rationalize the “it’s ok” part of “not everyone is happy all the time,” by recognizing that ALL the people’s happiness is not my responsibility and i have not failed them in the process.

i am now able to be much more intentional about who i want to (try to) serve snd make happy. Specifically, i now try to really only please my Sir, but to some degree you could also say my entire family, my co-workers/clients, and friends are still apart of that too.

As David is now my Sir and the only one i really ultimately serve, when i become overwhelmed from the others still in my life too, David reels me back in.

It may not make sense what i am saying because i am still (even as an adult) talking about serving multiple people simultaneously. So let me give you an example…..

It’s Friday afternoon and a few people from work want to go to a happy hour with heavy appetizers, drinks, and hours of fun. Most likely this will cause me to not be hungry for dinner that David is already in the process of cooking. i want to please the co-workers, but also David. While i could just say no to co-workers and head home, i also know if i always say no they will stop asking at some point and then i don’t exactly have friends at work anymore then too. Of course, i ultimately only need to please David!

What i do now is tell my co-workers, “Let me check with David and see if it’s ok.” Now i literally mean what it sounds like where i ask permission to go, but they don’t interpret it that way at all. They just think i am checking in or confirming a clear schedule, but what they think or interpret isn’t my concern (anymore).

Frequently David will say yes that i can go, but sometimes it’s a no too. And when it’s a no, i have to face the co-workers and share that news. i have learned that “No is a complete sentence.” And i just have to say, “David say no, so i have to pass on tonight. Thanks anyway. Invite me next time though too.”

Because David knows how i take all of everyone’s happiness (or unhappiness) on myself and how i have a propensity to want to please everyone, he brings me back. He makes me focus on what’s important. He makes sure i focus on him. Sometimes he delivers a maintenance spanking to ground me too (and it works every time)!

RESERVED AND QUIET (or “Tendency toward shyness”)

This too has been part of “me” since i was little. People who really know me think i am anything but reserved and quiet, but that’s because they forgot how i was when they didn’t know me so well.

i absolutely hate meeting new people, making small talk, and having to talk about ME! i would (almost) rather be invisible than to have to be the focus or center of a conversation.

On the same note, i love to people watch. i find enjoyment in watching and listening to others. i would say i “catalog” a lot about a person in just observing them… the obvious about how they dress and carry themselves, but also more about their personality when you listen to them talk.

So even when David says yes to happy hour, i don’t tend to actually talk much. And when i do, i tend to be focused on group dynamics, ensuring everyone is happy, and no one is left out. i will always try to situate myself in the middle of the group table so i can make sure everyone to both the left and right sides are included and part of the discussions. But when all is well and all are talking, i just listen. I just catalog all that i you hear and let the happy hour play out.

RULES FOLLOWER

i have always been a rules follower. At times, it used to drive my mother insane. i have always felt that “the rule is there for a reason.” And even if i don’t understand the rule or know the reason, if it’s there for a reason, i should follow it.

i made straight A’s in school. The A’s were easy because the rules were set and to follow. i knew when the homework or project or test would happen and i planned my schedule and was ready. i never once had to go to detention or the principal’s office. i drank alcohol exactly one time before i was of age to do so legally. i have never stolen anything. i have never tried illegal drugs. i have rarely ran a red light, and when i did, i almost always have had a good reason for it.

As an adult, i don’t cook well because there aren’t enough rules. (What is a “pinch” or “an amount to taste” even mean?). My career choice is chopped FULL of rules, and i find it easy to do while many do not. (i won’t tell you what i do, but so many have said to me, “I don’t know how you do what you do!” But the fact is, once you learn “the rules” it’s easy.)

So when David sets rules, like “leave Happy hour and be home by 6,” i know exactly what i must do. And i do it. [Of course, i don’t always do what I am told, which is what leads to discipline. But even then, i know what to do and i mostly do what i am supposed to. And when I don’t do it, i know the consequences too!]

AGREEABLE (or “Aren’t assertive”)

i am not always agreeable, but i suppose iam not always any of these characteristics. i am only just mostly all of these things most of the time, which is true here too.

When my co-workers say, “let’s go to the Tex-Mex place” for the happy hour, despite the fact that’s the exact same place i went to lunch that very day, i agree. In the scheme of things, i figure this decision or choice just doesn’t matter. And it’s not like i don’t like Mexican food and drinks (frozen margaritas are the best!), so it’s just easy to have someone else to decide and for me to just agree.

When things just don’t matter, why disagree? It’s not like i am NOT able to assert myself, it’s just that i do it selectively. i try to ask myself, “Does this decision matter?” And most of the time, the answer is, “no, it really doesn’t.” So why disagree if the decision doesn’t even matter? It’s just easy to agree then!

Most of the time, i am actually happy to agree as i am grateful that someone made a decision. It irks me to no end when people say, “I don’t know, what do you think?” And the answer is, “I don’t know either.” And then we stand and stare at one another. Someone make a damn decision already! Sooooooo when someone does, i am (almost always) happy and agreeable!

YIELDING (TO THE WILL OF ANOTHER)

i think “Y-I-E-L-D-I-N-G” is an interesting word. It means not rigid, pliable, and giving way. That is the very definition of a submissive person and who i am!

i am unsure there’s anything more to say here. I love this word and character trait. i would say i told the story will all the previous words and traits above.

CONCLUSION

All that was build up to say, i have always been a submissive person. i can lead, but i prefer to follow. In fact, i have to lead frequently, it i don’t especially like it. If i see that someone else steps up and takes charge, i let them. Because i am agreeable, yielding, and submissive!

Whether nature or nurture, i don’t know. What i do know is: submission chose me long ago. (i also know Happy Hour at a Tex-Mex place, drinking frozen margaritas and eating chips and queso is easy to agree to, make people happy, and yield to the will of others. If you are in Texas and want to prove me right … let me know and i’ll be there!)

Hugs,

Marie

251 – Permission granted. But only to drink.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 251 – Permission granted. But only to drink.

i have to ask permission to drink.

Why? Because i get incredibly horny when i drink.

i lose all inhibitions and go after what i want. i become determined to get it too. It’s the only time i truly become aggressive. Not really in a bad way, but rather a determined way. i know what i want, i know how to get it, and i go get it!

And that doesn’t always sit so well with David. Sometimes it does please him, as he gets his cock ridden like the slut i am! But sometimes… he’s just not feeling it! So… i have to ask to drink..because why start something he may not want to finish (or deal with me being pushy about it).

Tonight, i asked to drink some red wine. It’s our favorite. David has collected bottles for a few years now, and we have a LOT of wine in our house.

After getting permission, i opened a bottle. i drank almost half of it, which was MORE than enough! i needed his cock inside me!

i sat on one couch, with my Sir on the next. He was almost laying on the couch. i saw myself stripping my clothes off. Seductively but quickly.

i walked over to him, pulled his cock out of his shorts, and sucked him hard. He continued to watch tv and allowed me to sexually turn him on. That’s when i turned myself perpendicular to him, stood on the floor and leaned backwards, like sitting in a chair. i lowered myself down to sit down on his cock. His focus on the tv never waivers. The entire time, while i impaled myself on his cock, he just kept watching tv. He felt SO damn good inside my wet cunt!

And that’s when i felt his hand move up and grab and squeeze my boob tight and hard. It was enough to encourage me to keep going!

i used my thigh muscles to pull myself up and then just drop straight down again right onto his cock. It went deep inside me. As deep as he could possibly be, so that i felt every centimeter filling me up whole! i started to move up slowly, and the down was fast and hard! i wanted to feel his cock deep . i wanted to have him fill me up. And i wanted it to hurt! There was no way it could hurt enough to offset the exquisites pleasure i was simultaneously feeling!

The only thing i now needed….. and what i really wanted was to cum …. all over that cock of my Sir. i wanted it slick with my juice. Although i really didn’t care if he orgasmed, as this was about me getting myself off with his cock instead of a stupid dildo. He was going to feel it too obviously, which made it even better yet, but this was about me. And i knew it too!

i was really just fucking myself using his cock to get there. i went faster up and harder down, with every thrust of my hips. i went as fast as i could! It made my boobs flip up and down in the process. They were flipping so much, it hurt my tits too. i didn’t care! A little bit more pain is good for me! i need to feel the pain to get the pleasure to be just that much bigger too.

i didn’t dare look at him as his eyes alone may tell me he isn’t happy i just took it upon myself to fuck him. Or am i fucking myself? i don’t even know anymore. But does it even matter? As long as he is enjoying it enough that he doesn’t stop me. i have to go faster. It may end soon, but I have to get to that O!

i am grinding hard on him now. Nothing can stop me. i am so fucking close to a huge orgasm. i know what i want and i know how to get it! A few… more… thrusts and i am there! i am exactly where i want to be….. a slut fucking her Sir’s cock and enjoying it to the fullest.

Screech…… stop.

And that’s when i have to tell you …. This is ALL a figment of my imagination, all except for the wine that it. i was drinking and i was horny as hell, and i wanted his cock in my pussy.

But i KNOW better than to assume i can go over and take what i want. That’s quite literally NEVER going to happen! If i tried to fuck my Sir like that, even “if” he would like it and even”if” i got his cock hard and even “if” i did all the work, he wouldn’t allow it to happen! If for no other reason, he would have to prove that he is in charge and he’d have to put me back in my place so he would slap my ass and make me stop right then and there. i doubt I would even get his cock hard, let alone impaling my needy cunt!

i am submissive and he is Dominant. i don’t get to take what i want. Ever. Especially when it has to do with his cock and my orgasm! That’s fucking absurd!

Fuck. i want to be fucked! i want to do all the work and he just has to sit back and allow it to happen! But… i know he won’t allow it, so i won’t feel it. And i won’t attempt it. i have zero desire to be punished, only rewarded!

After i wrote all this, David & i started to head to bed. As we were standing in the bathroom, fully clothed and i started to brush my teeth he said, “the answer is no!”

i found it amusing as i hadn’t said a word but with that, i said, “i didn’t know you knew there was a question Sir.”

He said, “of course I knew.” Neither of us actually verbalized the question but both of us knew…. The question was, “can i cum please Sir?” i mean, i wassss drinking after all!

After brushing my teeth, i decided to sleep naked. Sometimes i do that, but most of the time i don’t. He laughed and said, “you think you can do that with control? I did just say NO.”

And with that, i decided to tell him about what i thought about and wrote to you above. i didn’t tell him my assumption of how it would have really gone… with him stopping me and possibly whipping my ass even. i just told him about the sexy parts! And about me jumping on top of him. And he scoffed and said, “yeah, right. I wouldn’t have allowed that.” i guess i was right! Do i know my Sir or what?

i halfway wondered what it would take for him to order me in the belt. He didn’t order it though. Not sure if that’s good or bad. Like i said before, it’s a life vest… but it’s also a security blanket.

With that, he turned off the light and said goodnight. He left me hanging. Wet and horny and nowhere to go! Maybe tomorrow.

Hugs,

Marie

244 – Long distance … sexting … chastity … and complete submission. (Oh my!)

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David had to go to Denver for 3-days and today is Day 1 of his absence. He texted me this morning and said, “Going to send me any naughty pics today?”

i wrote back, “i can send pics if you’d like.” And we went about our day, and while we sent periodic other texts, it was vanilla/innocuous too.

On my way home from work, he sent another text, “Do I get pics tonight?” To which again, i replied. “If you’d like.”

He immediately responded with, “Thought I’d said that earlier already.”

While i did (politely and properly) point out that he had not “said” but rather “asked” for pictures, i did recognize that was my que too. That while it was worded as a question, it was really a command with a question mark at the end. So upon getting home, i took my clothes off, jumped in the pool naked, and opened my phone.

After sending him the pics he wanted, he said, “Very nice. You slut.”

While admittedly most would NOT see the word “slut” as a term of endearment, when i hear it from David, i do. i know he means it in the most sexy and turned on way, and it tells me i have achieved my goal: making him happy with what he sees!

Because i am happy (and turned on!) when i know David’s needs are met, i am indeed a slut .. craving and wanting more (and more) sex! i love having sec with him in all forms and fashions, but then when it’s pleasing to him for me to have sex with others, i love that too! So the term “slut” is both truth and loving for me when he calls me that.

i responded with, “Thank you Sir! Should i make myself slick with cum and take a picture of that for you too??”

His response, “No.”

While sometimes he gives me a directive in the form of a question, like what was noted above, in times where there should be no room for doubt, his words are perfectly straightforward and abundantly clear!

i was hoping to get to orgasm, under (a guise) of doing it to please him (with a picture). But he saw through me ever-so-quickly and called me out even-more-quickly.

i said, “You just don’t want me to have an orgasm.”

And i got another one-word response, “Correct.”

To which i just didn’t respond in words, but i didn’t have to either, as then we texted about vanilla things (dinner, day’s activities, etc) but the whole time i really wanted to orgasm.

But there was no denying, i had gotten myself turned on with the naked swimming, picture taking, and sexting with David.

So i wrote, “i’m struggling to NOT touch myself.”

He said, “It shouldn’t be a struggle since you have been commanded not to.”

“i understand Sir.”

And the vanilla convo resumed for an additional 30-minutes.

During that time, i did NOT touch myself but i was mentally losing the battle too. So….. i went and put on the chastity belt. The pink one.

And instead of telling David about what i did, instead i texted him a pic of me… wearing one of his fav t shirts … and the chastity belt.

He wrote, “Very nice. And wise too!”

i was surprised he said that and I told him as much, as i was a bit concerned he might be disappointed at my inability to control myself with the aid of the chastity belt. But to my pleasant surprise, he was pleased at my choice.

After i told him all that he texted, “I know you can’t control yourself.”

“Maybe i ought to leave the belt on until you come home again.”

And he said, “Maybe I should make you give the key to someone else.”

My eyes got big and i wrote, “Wow.”

“Wow? what my slut?”

“wow to the idea of giving the key to someone.”

“Scary for you??”

“Yes Sir, but i suppose it’s also something of a turn on too! How does it make you feel?”

“Strong. And confident. And in control.”

i smiled big. And i told him, “Good. That’s how you should feel!”

i don’t know if i will keep the key or give it to someone of his choosing, because he didn’t say for sure. But i suspect it will be mine to keep. At least this time anyway.

That’s when he said, “Sleep well.”

And i said, “you too Sir.”

i am certain that whether the belt stays on or not (continuously) for the remainder of his trip, or if i keep the key or give it away, that i will NOT be orgasming in his absence.

[i am aware that i can take this off if i want to. It seems silly to make myself wear a belt when i haven’t been made to otherwise, when I have the key sitting right here too! As well, if i can restrain from touching/orgasming with the belt on, shouldn’t i also have self restraint to be able to also not O with it off?!? Yes, in theory, that is absolutely true. But in my mind, by putting on the belt, i have been intentional about making the touching/orgasm that much more elusive. i have made myself unavailable even to myself. And “if” i get SO determined to get the O, i would have to be very intentional about taking the belt off again too. In other words, I made it that much harder for myself, which is what I needed!]

Now me and my metal are off to sleep…. Without touching, excitement, or orgasming. i can hardly wait for the fitted Fancy Steel version to arrive!

UPDATE: All of the above happened yesterday. Today is Day 2 of his absence. i just didn’t get this fully finished or posted. So now i will tell you more about what has happened since last night…..

i slept great. You might not think it easy to sleep in chastity, but it is surprisingly quite comfortable and easy to do. In fact, when i have the mental angst of trying to NOT touch myself when i am commanded not to causes such a battle for me it is hard to relax and sleep. But with the belt in place, it was as of i allowed myself to relax and know that the battle was won and i could just rest easy.

While i didn’t have explicit approval to remove the belt this morning, i didn’t think it was required to stay on either since it was my idea to put it on in the first place yesterday. Plus he didn’t tell me i had to ask to take it off either. So i took it off, did a 2-mile walk, showered, dressed, and went to work. All without the belt.

After coming back home tonight, i found myself revved up and wanting to masturbate. So i texted David about all this and i asked, “what do you think about me putting on the chastity belt and leaving it on until you are home and you take it off?”

He wrote, “That’s a good idea!”

So i went and put it on. And i texted, “All locked up and nowhere to go now.”

He responded, “Good!”

(He hasn’t mentioned anymore about the key being given to anyone, which i am grateful for!)

This is now me embarking on the longest consecutive time while belted. To date, i have only been belted a total of (about) 14’ish consecutive hours. This is going to be nearly double that time!

That’s when i told him how i think he is starting to come around to the idea of how the belt can prove a useful tool for both of us. i also said that even though at one point he thought it should be unnecessary, (because i should have better self control than i do), he is now seeing that this is the best tool for the job.

He agreed.

i foresee a lot more hours (days!) in the belt in my future, especially after the custom fit Fancy Steel belt arrives in a month. Because while this one is made to wear long term, for showers or pee or poop, it doesn’t fit quite as snugly as a custom one does and it chafes no matter how hard i try to get it to fit properly. The fitted one will allow for a regular long term wear of it, and i am getting use to the idea of that being in my future.

Giving the key to David as my lady parts are locked up feels like the ultimate power exchange for me. While i have agreed to submit to him, and agreed to not have unauthorized orgasms, without the belt i have always had a “safety net.” Safety net being the ultimate ability to do as i want to, if i want to. Not saying i want to, but i could. i could touch myself, or do whatever i wanted to really, if i so chose to do so. Obviously not without consequence, but it was possible. Even right now, i have the key and could use it if i want to.

But as we go further into the realm of permanent chastity, where i will not have the key, the ability to touch myself is becoming less available. i suspect, and i may even ask (!) that David’s next out of town trip will likely include me being locked up from the get go, without knowledge of where the key is hidden (or if it’s even in the house) either. The power exchange is becoming more complete for me, both mentally AND physically! All of which is causing my submission to feel so deep and so genuinely heartfelt! ❤️

Hugs,

Marie