Tag: married life

Location, Location, Location

Written by Marie on October 2, 2025. Posted in DD, Deep Thoughts, Domestic Discipline, Dominance, Marriage, My Dominant Sir, my submissiveness, Submission, Submissive Wife. 2 Comments on Location, Location, Location

So much of D/s, specifically TPE, is about an emotional response to an activity. A dominant wants control over a situation and a submissive’s actions, as well as their feelings about what is happening to them. Location plays a big part of this. Doing a scene in a child’s bedroom can bring about different emotional responses from different subs. Some may take on a child-like persona; some may just be distracted by how uncomfortable they are around a bunch of toys (Can you guess which one I’d be?). Clean freak subs could be completely thrown from the dirty floor they are kneeling on. If that’s the response that the Dom wants, then great. If not, then it could ruin the scene.

We do not have a set dungeon space in our house. As much as Sir wants to have one eventually in a new place, I’m not holding my breath. So, when we play, we are not always in the same area, or even the same floor. And, I have found, that the various locations around our home bring out a strata of emotions, no matter what we are doing. Whatever the emotion, however, Sir has control over the space and what he wants me to feel throughout our play.

Bedroom

Because, obvious. I couldn’t really talk about BDSM scene locations without mentioning the bedroom. It is my favorite place to play. Most often the only place we have sex (unless the kids are not home or passed out). I just feel the most comfortable there. I find myself more willing to do anything and try anything because of how comfortable and safe I feel. Our room brings out my submissive pet nature and often my most sexual side. I have my little bed on the floor that I can see during our scenes.

I am always pulled into my submissive headspace when I am in the bedroom. Even if he is at work and I am just going in there to get laundry. I feel a wave of comfort and safety. It’s a gooey slavey place for me.

Sitting Room (First floor)

I generalized this as the first floor as we usually start in the sitting room, but I often end up crawling the entire space. Most of our scenes are played by the couch and coffee table.

This is a very high protocol space for me. I am often leashed when we play and there is more of a focus on service. I serve Sir drinks, often on trays. Sir wants me to be on my toes so that I can respond to his whims. And I feel that. I am comfortable, but always aware. I am rarely blindfolded, but often gagged, so that I can see his reactions and signals and react wordlessly.

This is a surprisingly comfortable space for me. I feel safe the strictness of it all. It’s not completely routine, but I am used to not being allowed to cum when we play in the sitting room. I don’t expect it anymore. I can focus on cock worship and general service. If I do get to cum, Sir usually takes me upstairs to the bedroom first (see why I like the bedroom).

Bathroom

This is a much more confusing area for me. I find I am able to transition my feelings when I am in the bathroom when he is not there with me (which is good). But I am very apprehensive in the bathroom with him.

Last night I had to squat next to him while he peed. Then he had me ‘clean off’ his penis with my tongue. It was hot. But there is always a sense of wondering what he is going to do. Was that it? Was there more?

This space holds a lot of dichotomy. Showering together (though we rarely get the chance), is a very sensual and calming experience. But when he uses me as a urinal I feel humiliated. Both can be positive, given the right context, but it is a little unnerving to not know which I will leave the bathroom feeling when he follows me in.

Basement

I hate our basement. I’m not sure I can clarify that enough for you. I hate it. It’s dirty, full of boxes, and we have to take a baby monitor down with us as it’s so far away from the sleeping kids.

I also hate it because Sir’s sadistic side comes out in the basement. He can string me up down there. He makes me walk along ropes with knots hitting my clit while hitting me with a crop. It sounds hot. In fact, I’m not sure I would have such a negative response if he did the same thing in our bedroom. But in this case, it is very much the location that brings about a specific feeling. Unease and dread.

The basement is cold. I’m naked, often gagged, and with way too much time to look at all the dirt on the floor and places where I need to organize. There is something about the space that puts me in a submissive, but almost kidnapped headspace. And I’m sure that is where Sir wants me to be. I am my most vulnerable down there. I’m uncomfortable and I will do anything to get out of there. Including take as much pain as humanly possible. Thankfully, he doesn’t take me down there often as he knows what an emotional drain it is.

As much as I would love to have a dungeon play space in our next home, I enjoy moving around our house when we play. The variety of emotions is helpful to me, and I think also to Sir, to enjoy our TPE in new ways. So check out all the rooms in your home to find the fun (and frightening) you can have.

*This is a look at how I feel in different spaces during specific play. Your results WILL vary. Play safe.*

302 – Sometimes.. i just gotta ask to be spanked

Written by Marie on February 10, 2023. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 302 – Sometimes.. i just gotta ask to be spanked

And yet.

i won’t ask for it.

Because ….

i don’t know how… without causing more trouble.

So i don’t.

And then i get cranky.

And unsubmissive.

And bratty. And defiant. And difficult. And (often) results in fights breaking out.

This week i have been very stressed out at work….. But so has my Sir. Fortunately, or not, our careers are both similar in that the times of the year we have a lot of deadlines (and stress) are the same.

So me being cranky, stressed, or difficult just causes more work for him. And in a lot of ways, i think that’s unfair of me to put on him. That instead of asking him to be a Dominant Dom for me, i need to get a grip, have more self control, and to straighten up and fly right.

i mean, really….. how hard is it to be submissive, follow the rules, and do as-is-expected?!? If i want him to be a Dominant Dom, why can’t i be a submissive submissive?! It seems what i need is to simple exercise more self control.

So. i need to be spanked. i need to be reminded of how to be submissive and how to straighten up and fly right. But. i won’t ask for it.

i need the endorphins to kick in, the way it always does, when the spanking(s) is administered just right. But. i won’t ask for it.

But. It isn’t fair or right for me to expect David to have more to-do’s on his already-full-list too.

Okay, so just ask already! Let him be the decision maker. Let him know my needs and be the one to decide yes, no, maybe. Just asking for my needs to be met does not put me in charge or a lot on him. And if it does seem too much for him, let him still be the one to have the ultimate decision making power. But. i won’t ask for it.

i was in the shower first this morning and i had all these thoughts that i just wrote down all running through my head. i even played out a scenario…. In my head …..As follows…..

Upon getting out of the shower and drying off, David materialized saying, “it’s Friday. That means maintenance. I’ve been lax lately and you sorely need to feel a sore butt today. As well, I sorely need to feel the power of being in control. Assume the Position.”

I didn’t argue as I knew he was right. I simply said, “Yes Sir,” and started to get on the bed and into position. That position is naked, head down, and my butt propped in the air with a pillow wedged under my hips.

My arms always lay flat and fully extended down to the bottom of the bed. This causes my forearms to press my boobs together and under the pillow that holds my butt in the air. When I am also propped up a bit onto my knees, my hands reach to my ankles and frequently I use my hands to hold onto my ankles. This all serves to get my arms out of the way, not allow me to use them to shield my bottom or to move out of position (any too easily).

David picks up his new favorite tool… the whip. He says, “this is going to be a good and hard maintenance. While usually I take it a little slower at first, that’s not going to happen today. As well, you know a lot of times with maintenance, I touch my pussy at the end and allow it to orgasm. That’s not going to happen today either.”

He continued, “we both know that we both need this maintenance today. And I want it to be about power exchange, not about your sexual pleasure. In fact, when this maintenance is complete, I’m going to hug and kiss you and tell you how much I love you. And then you’ll put on the chastity belt, bring me the key, and you’ll stay that way for the duration of the weekend or until I decide otherwise. Understood?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Do you accept all this freely?”

“Yes Sir.” (And I meant it too.)

And so it was.

The spanking was hard and fast, just as promised. I felt the whip collide with my butt over and over again. I was squirming and praying for the sting to subside, but of course, it didn’t. My butt started to feel hot, along with my whole body starting to sweat. I knew this was good for me, and it was needed, but at the same time not desirable either.

When David finally stopped, I was feeling way more humble and submissive. Of course, we both knew that was the goal.

As promised, he sat me up onto my knees while I was still on the bed where he wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. His lips touched and kissed on my neck, until he pulled me back to kiss my lips too.

When he was done, he looked into my eyes and said, “I am so proud of you, my love. You are an amazing wife and your willingness to submit to me, as our head of household, is so sexy. You turn me on and make me love you that much more every single time your submission is this obvious and blatant.”

He finished with, “while I am indeed turned on and I’d like to touch my pussy to make it orgasm, I know that’s not what you need right now. You need to continue to be reminded how to submit and to not expect your pleasures to be met just because you want it. Go put the belt on and bring me the key.”

And I did. And he said, “good girl. Now go get ready for the day.”

And I did.

^^^^^^^^^ ALL that happened solely in my head!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ALL that is what i wanted to go tell David and have him do to me.

But i didn’t.

Why not?!?

Because. i am NOT in charge. i need to exercise more self discipline. i need to NOT put more to-do’s on him. i need it to be his ideas and his desires to Dominant me in ways that make him happy. NOT in ways that i want or make me happy.

So.

Instead, i am getting dressed and ready for work and saying nothing to him about this. i will try to just be a good submissive wife all on my own… by straightening up and flying right. Hopefully.

Have a good weekend my friends!

Hugs,

Marie

300 The Five A’s of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Written by Marie on January 14, 2023. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 300 The Five A’s of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

So the word “RESPECT” (and DISrespect!) has been on my mind nonstop since i read the blog post about it and mentioned it to you before too.

There is so much in that one word i can’t even quite organize my thoughts or know what i want to say, but i am going to try to do it justice! (Which is why i have worked on this post for ages now and haven’t actually produced anything for you to read. Hopefully that ends here.)

The definition …. “Respect”

The word respect comes from the Latin respectus which means ‘attention’ or ‘consideration’.

RESPECT can be a noun or a verb.

As a noun, it is a deep feeling of admiration for someone, elicited by their abilities, characteristics, or achievements.

As a verb, it is to actively admire someone deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

i would argue that anyone in a relationship should actively RESPECT and find ways to show it toward your spouse so that your spouse KNOWS you respect them!

In thinking about respect for my husband, i would say it should be used as a verb. i want to ACTIVELY respect David. He deserves it for his abilities, AND qualities, AND achievements. But also because he is the head of our household… and that includes Me!

Recently i heard David say to me, “That was very disrespectful. Wasn’t it?”

And i had to agree.

He had previously asked me to carry the car keys in my purse, and just before being told i was acting disrespectful, he had asked me if i still had the keys. And i answered, “yes… you put them in my purse before…..”. And when i spoke, i had a “don’t you remember??” Or maybe even a “duh!” kind of tone about my response, not to mention i probably had a matching look on my face.

He was not thrilled, and i didn’t blame him.

Of course, i did not do any of this on purpose, or maybe i subconsciously did.

That’s where the ACTIVE part of RESPECT starts too. If i did this intentionally, it was not consciously. i was not aware of my actions until it was too late. And sometimes that’s the problem. i need to be more conscious about my words and tone

The words and tone matter

i googled, “how to show respect” and a bajillion sites came up. i clicked on a handful just to see what someone else thought this might entail. Most of the sites were fairly consistent and the #1 thing that seemed to be constantly repeated all revolved around the use of our words.

Some examples include….

Say please and thank you,
Praise him in front of others,
Apologize when you are wrong,
Compliment him,
Let him know he matters.

i could keep going, but you see the pattern. Use your words wisely. And with intentionality.

The age old childhood words, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is so NOT true. Okay, the first part is true, but the second part is worse than the first part!

Words are permanent. Once they are out there, they can’t be taken back. While the sticks and stones do indeed cause broken bones, they heal. Sometimes the hurt from harmful words never heal.

Use your words wisely!

For David, most of my respect definitely comes in the use of my words, especially the word “Sir.”

This is even more true when he’s asked me a direct question where the answer is a simple yes or no, my answer should be followed by “Sir.” For example, “Did you sleep well?” My response should be, “Yes [or no] Sir.” My answer should absolutely NOT just be a “yes.”

To even take it a bit further, he would never want to hear, “yeah” or “uh huh,” or some other similar version of the word “yes.” The same goes for the word “no,” where alternative words are not acceptable. It should be a “yes (or no) Sir.” He doesn’t like alternative words as they seem lazy, which is also another form of disrespect.

So without the right words and intentional use of them, i am lazy and disrespectful in David’s eyes. And while i do agree, even if i did not, my opinion is really irrelevant because how he feels about it is what ultimately matters. And to accept that he doesn’t like it, and to avoid using words that he doesn’t like (and use one’s he does like), is actively showing respect.

There are other ways to show RESPECT that include …..

Spend time with him,
Spontaneously touch him,
Smile at him with love,
Let him be a leader,
Ask him for advice.

Did you notice that NONE of these things require spending of money? Oh, a gift is also another way to show respect too, but it isn’t required.

Money is not necessary or required in order to show RESPECT towards someone. Respect is an action, much like walking or running or breathing.

If showing respect isn’t a nature part of your day, then maybe add it to an your to-do list today to build it into your daily routine and to be intentional about it.

Maybe your (or my) To-do List should look something like …..

Go to the store,
Clean the bedroom,
wash clothes,
SHOW RESPECT TO MY HUSBAND.

But then it shouldn’t be LAST on the list either because let’s face it, the most important to-do items are always the first ones listed or the ones we tackle first.

If “show respect” is last, it may not get done. We don’t always get the entire list checked off. You may not intentionally let him know he matters, you care, you love, and you RESPECT him if you don’t get to the bottom of the list if that’s where this to-do resides.

Make your spouse a priority and make “show RESPECT” be the first to-do that you do today!

Because when you fail to RESPECT him, now you’ve DISRESPECTED him.

(i have another part-done post on another idea relating to respect. Hopefully i will get it finished soon… stay tuned!)

Hugs,

Marie

292 – i was bad, and now we are good

Written by Marie on December 16, 2022. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 292 – i was bad, and now we are good

Today is Friday. i haven’t had a maintenance spanking in a longgggg time. It was middle of September the last time i was spanked for maintenance purposes.

While it’s been awhile since i wrote about the Types of Spankings, when i re-read it tonight, i would say it’s all still true.

Maintenance Spankings work. They hurt. They are intended to. They are preemptive in curbing bad attitudes/activities before they get so bad it has to be punishment. They are also reminders of what could be worse if i keep on doing bad things. (i also think maintenance does David good too. He wields his hand and exerts his authority. He’s reminded how to be Dominate every time too.)

Today’s maintenance was needed. Much needed. Probably a good two weeks or more overdue!

i was reluctant to tell David (or even suggest) that he needed to spank me. Because i try hard to NOT tell him how or when to do his job. i know i have tendencies to Top From The Bottom. i have tried VERY hard to stop.

But it puts me in a quandary of not being able to get what i need without asking too. Of course, the key word in that last sentence is ASKING, as compared to TELLING. If i ASK, i shall receive. But it’s wrong to TELL or demand or command. Admittedly, i have not mastered the skill of “just” asking…. Yet. But i am working on it too!

When i don’t get spanked, i get antsy, cranky, and generally stressed out. i know that sounds dumb. But it’s so true. My anxiety goes way up as i am left to my own devices. When i am spanked, i am brought down a notch, reminded to be submissive, and the endorphins are released bringing about stress-relief.

My biggest wish is that David would see how good it is for me and be CONSISTENT to do it when it’s needed. Or on a routine schedule. Or both.

Well… usually… when he is consistent…. It’s done on Friday’s. We decided that ages ago. It sets the right tone for the weekend and gets things started “right.” But as mentioned, we haven’t done it in a long time. But today, we did.

As i was in the shower, i was debating, “do i ask to be spanked or not?!” And i thought, “i am just going to tell him how much i need it.” And then i thought, “that’s the wrong way to do this. Go ask him to do it.” And then i continued my mental battle by saying, “but if he says NO, it’s going to be a full-on meltdown for me.”

So, i had no clear path forward but got out of the shower anyway. Right about that moment, David came into the bathroom and greeted me. He leaned in and gave me a kiss too. Then he straightened up and said, “I need to do maintenance. Go Assume The Position.”

Ok. That settled that!

So i didn’t say a word and just did as told.

He used the riding crop. It started out smooth and tame and even easy. Then it became more intense with swift strikes to my ass.

As i started to feel the heat rise in my butt, i was squirming around a lot. David is always standing as i am on the bed, so he was in a prime position to use a single hand to press down on my lower back causing me to be pinned between the bed and him. i was no longer able to move.

He struck my bottom over and over.

i could tell it was doing it’s job and calming my thoughts. i was focused on nothing but holding still, enduring what i knew i craved and ultimately needed, and taking it with grace and submissive acceptance.

Eventually i was to my breaking point and was begging him to stop. Begging never works. i do have safe words. When i call “yellow” it is to signal to David that i need him to give me a break, or to slow down, or otherwise consider stopping. Ironically, i can’t seem to find the right words to ask to be spanked, but a single word is all i have to utter to give David a proper and kind request to slow down. But he still has all authority to continue or to stop, until i say the word “red.” So he retains control the whole time. Wish i had a single word to start in the same way i have a word to stop!

When i couldn’t take anymore, i uttered “yellow Sir!” And he decided to stop entirely. i suspect if this was a full-on punishment, he’d not have stopped at all. But i was grateful that today he did stop.

i was still in position when he spoke a question that we both knew was rhetorical. He asked, “are you wet?!” And his fingers found their mark. My body always betrays me by releasing my juices every time i am spanked. i don’t feel turned on or sexually aroused by the spanking, yet, my puss always tells another story. He knew he’d find a dripping wet pussy as he touched it.

He left his one hand on the small of my back as his other hand’s fingers primed my holes. i felt a finger enter my front and another invade my back hole simultaneously. And then he began to hold me in place as his fingers started to stroke my sex. It took just a minute or so before i begged my Sir if i could orgasm, and after he said yes, i let all my juices flow freely.

After i recovered and came to my senses fully, i thanked my Sir properly.

He could tell my mind was then “thinking” and he asked me to share my thoughts.

i asked if we were good now. He said, “I think we are.”

When i asked him why he has not spanked me for the previous weeks, where i was “all but daring” him to do so, he said, “because I wanted to see what you’d do.”

i said, “act poorly.”

He said, “I know. That’s why we had a maintenance where you called yellow. I was determined to go a long time today. And if this doesn’t work, we will repeat until you call red.”

i think we are good.

i knew we would be. i just wanted it to be awhile ago already.

(i’ll write about the new belt and what i think of it very soon.. as i am sitting locked in place now.)

Hope your Friday was as good as mine! 😉

Hugs,

Marie

290 – Absent in spirit

Written by Marie on December 12, 2022. Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 290 – Absent in spirit

We have been busy.

With Life.

After the Kentucky trip, we have had….

A family wedding in Nashville (that was outdoors in 30 degree weather. Oh my!),
Thanksgiving (which was lovely and low key),
My 51st birthday (i’m not ashamed or embarrassed about admittedly my age),
Trip to see our son in college (nice weekend with him),
My firm’s Christmas party (at our house with 22-people here, David cooked amazing food for it too. i didn’t make him, he wanted to. It was his gift to us and vice versa.)

All that in the course of 4 1/2 weeks.

All that on top of getting ready for Christmas with decorating, buying and wrapping presents, and of course…. Work.

It’s been unseasonably warm in our area. It’s normally 40’s lows to maybe 60’s highs. We’ve been having 60’s for lows and 80’s for highs.

While i love the hot weather, not everyone does. It’s sooooo much easier to be sexy in warm weather clothes than cold weather clothes.

Think about it… in the cold north, a conversation probably goes like this….

Him: I want to fuck you.

Her: oh yeah Sir?! I want that too.

Her again: just give me 10-minutes.

Him (annoyed): uhm. No. Don’t tell me I have to wait! NOW!

Her: well Sir, since it’s so cold out, I have 16-layers of clothes on and have to take them all off. That’s going to take awhile.

Lol. Yeah. So. NOT sexy.

So warm weather allows me to wear tank tops or a low-cut shirt, no bra, no panties… and be undressed in no time flat.

i can also sleep naked, or be in the house naked, much easier in warm weather.

Generally speaking, i feel way more more sexy in warm weather than in cold weather.

But i would say that David has been absent in spirit lately. With so many “life things” happening, he hasn’t had the least bit of focus on me, regardless of what i have on or do not… or whether the temp is cold or warm! (Yes, i am fully aware of how selfish that sounds!)

Now that’s not to say he’s not talked to me, done (vanilla) things with me, nor has he been entirely or literally gone.

He’s just not held me accountable or maintained our Domestic Discipline dynamic. At all.

i have been trying to NOT get anxious, upset, or angry about the (perceived) neglect. i know i am loved. i know i am not ignored, forgotten, or neglected. But it feels like it to me. And sometimes what we perceive becomes our truth.

i just wish he’d hold me accountable. i just wish he’d stay the course of our dynamic. i just wish he would bent me over his knee already.

i know i need to tell him. But HOW to tell him has been problematic.

If i……

Brat…

….. Which is where i become cranky, disobedient, disrespectful, and …. Challenging, that is unbecoming. It also, usually, just makes David annoyed and/or angry.

i don’t chose to be a brat quite as literally as it may seem. It’s somewhat like having a bad day. You don’t start out saying, “hey, I want to have a bad day today.” And yet, sometimes it just happens anyway.

And to take that even further, when a bad day does happen, sometimes you think, “I am NOT going to let this continue.” And yet it just does.

So being “bad” and throwing a temper tantrum isn’t the right answer, but admittedly, i have done a bit of this. Yet David has let it go and not held me accountable.

What exactly have i done? Well…. i decided he hasn’t paid ANY attention to my puss. He doesn’t seem to care if i touch it or not. i decided to NOT shave it until he pays attention to it.

On Saturday, he decided to lay me on the bed, spread my legs, and lick me to orgasm. (Yah, i know this is paying attention to me, which is exactly what i am complaining about. But. This is the one and only sexual type interaction we’ve had in nearly 6-weeks.).

He didn’t even comment about the hair. i dared him to. He didn’t. He should have. It was annoying that he didn’t.

Top from the Bottom…

…. i’d just tell him what to do, or maybe tell him “what you should do in this situation is….”

Turn me over and spank me, like the spoiled brat that i am acting like.

Or stand me in the corner until further notice.

Or (fill in the blank)…..

But i don’t want to tell him what to do. i want him to enforce the rules, do maintenance spankings, tell me to wear the Chastity Belt, or WHATEVER…. because he wants to do it and NOT just because i am telling him to do those things.

Try talking to him…

Yes, i know. THIS is the most logical. But i am already thinking he’s just going to hear my words as Topping because i think i hear it that way already too.

i can hear the conversation now….

Me: “you aren’t holding me accountable.”

Him: “ok. We’ve been busy.”

Me: “yes, but you should….”

Okay… right there…. i am Topping from the Bottom. Telling him what he’s NOT doing and how to DO something (anything) better

Send him a link of this post…

But that’s likely just another version of Topping from The Bottom.

SUMMARY…..

i am getting increasingly annoyed and unhappy…. Which is making me cranky. Which is probably going to lead to me being a Brat… even more. Just to get his attention.

See a pattern here? See the circular reference?

Ugh.

Suggestions?

Until then… no matter hot weather or not, i will wear what i want, when i want!

Hugs,

Marie