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Tag: domestic discipline

101 – consequences just don’t matter

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When our son was little (and long before D/s or DD…..and before “submission” was a word in my everyday vocabulary!) there was a family of 4-daughters who lived directly across the street. They made for amazing babysitters and it was just so absolutely wonderful, not to mention convenient!

Once when the oldest was over babysitting, she and i were chatting for a minute and i happened to ask her what her plans were for the rest of the weekend.

She said, “Unpack, wash/dry, and put away all the clothes and toiletries, plus my suitcase from our trip.” (They had just been back the day before from a 2-week long vacation.)

i remember commenting that was a lot considering they had JUST gotten back. And she said, “that’s what Dad said was the deadline. So I’ll get it done.”

That’s when i was curious, so i asked her, “what if you don’t?”

And she had a confused look about her and said, “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

i clarified and said, “well, what if you get busy or something comes up and you just don’t get it all cleaned and put away. What will happen?”

She said, “oh I’ll get it done. Nothing will get in the way of that.”

And i pressed her on it and said, “but what if you don’t?”

She just looked at me and squarely said, “I have no idea. Because it won’t happen. I WILL get it done because when my Dad tells me to do something, I do it. So the consequences are irrelevant.”

i remember being surprised that a teenager wouldn’t know what happened when she disobeyed. But the fact that she didn’t know, told me she submitted to her father’s authority and consequences were indeed irrelevant because she would never dream of committing the unthinkable.

Now as a submissive wife, i can look back on this and completely see where her head was at. This is basically true for me now too.

i wore a chastity belt to sleep, despite having the key. Despite knowing i could unlock myself if i really wanted to. But i didn’t. Why? Because i wanted to submit and to obey my husband’s wishes. i really don’t know what the ultimate consequences had been if i had unlocked myself (without good reason constituting an “emergency”).

There’s NO reason to know the consequences if they just don’t matter. Because knowing (or needing to know) the consequences is (IMO) akin to weighing your options… “how bad would it be if i DON’T do what i’m supposed to do?” With the ultimate thought basically being, “if the consequences aren’t too bad, then it won’t matter if i break the rule(s). And i just might do it!”

But that’s not how i want to think or to be. Being a true submissive wife calls for me to WANT to do what’s right and what he wants me to do. As opposed to me doing only what i want to do …. based on how bad the consequences are or what punishment i’m willing to endure (that day).

All this does is leads to strife. And too much strife in anyone’s life is just ….. “too much”. And that can and often does lead to bitterness, resentment, and turning away…. which can lead to a miserable life together OR divorce to find a better life apart.

So a submissive wife is one who wants to do right by him and doesn’t care what the consequences are. Because ultimately, the consequences just don’t matter as she won’t do it anyway……because in her mind…. it’s not an option.

And if i still fail to do what i’m supposed to…. DD will happen. Spanking. Domestic discipline enacted.

Why? Because we’ve made it where the consequences DO matter … we won’t “just” get in a fight…. there will be more!

And i accept it.

Hugs,

Marie

96 – Reverse Psychology

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i am struggling. i went from being afraid of chastity, to wanting it full time.

Why would i want it full time? Because it is preventative. i know i am not to touch myself without permission. But that’s easier said than done!

Prior to this rule in place, i touched myself in a seductive, sultry way every single day! And i made myself orgasm 2-4 times a week. Which being honest was ultimately not good. Because frequently i did it without Sir present and often him not even knowing…. where i hid it in the bedroom or bathroom to have “me” time. And it led to not wanting or having husband/wife time. Because when he was ready to do something, i was already “done” and not truly interested.

But as a result of how easy it was to satisfy my own needs, ever since this rule has been in place, i have struggled.

The official rule is “no masturbation and orgasm without permission.” So technically i can TOUCH myself…. in a seductive and sultry way. But the temptation is so great that one just simply leads to the next! And it’s easier to NOT do ouch at all then.

So the chastity belt was my idea. It would lock up what’s not mine. And Sir agreed.

Until it came. And it took me overcoming the mindset of how it looked. It looked mean and intimidating. But when i did, i saw it would be my new best friend! It was helpful and useful, and while tight fitting not hard to wear at all.

And that’s when he said, “it doesn’t need to be used that often.”

So now for a week, i have actually only worn it 3 x’s – Day 1: a couple hours, Day 2: 12-hours, and now today…. and not long yet, but we shall see.

i have all but BEGGED Sir to leave it on indefinitely or at least for a reallyyyyyyy long time.

He said, “NO. It’s not necessary.”

Well….. i am frustrated. If i can’t control myself and he won’t let me be proactive about it, that sets me up for failure. So why? Why not? Like what’s the reason WHY he had the NO answer????

And i asked him.

It was risky for me to be so bold. And i had tried (for a week now) to just accept it for what it is

[No means NO]. Right?? Shouldn’t have to be explained. Should be accepted as is.

But it has gotten the best of me today. And you are thinking, “why today if you are locked up?” Because being locked up feels good! i feel relief. i have removed the temptation and it is now not even a thing. i truly feel less stress with it on! And i thought, “W-H-Y can’t we just make this the norm? Why can’t i just wear it (mostly) all the time, except for Plan B times when he wants access and we are together… in which case i won’t touch anyway!”

So i said, “i don’t understand why you are hesitate to lock me in chastity more frequently. It would help me if you did.”

And i prayed, “Lord, let him hear my questioning in the GOOD way i am intending it to be!”

And he did.

His response was, “Because it will lose the effectiveness and make you think that when you don’t have it on that you can do what you want!”

So that’s opposite of what i was thinking really.

And i guess he might be right. i guess it may just allow me to be mentally lazy when i rely on it to prevent myself from touching if the belt is there….. and serve to set my mind (and fingers) into overdrive when it’s available.”

And let’s face it…. living in chastity 24/7 is NOT an option. Oh maybe for awhile…. sure…. but not as a viable, completely always that way option. In fact, in 6-days we are getting on a plane to go for a week vacation in the mountains of Colorado. It can’t be worn through security!

Although what i’d love to see the looks of TSA agents when they did a pat down and discovered it! I’m sure they’ve seen it all before… but i haven’t seen them seeing it all before! 😉. Of course…. perhaps that could lead to me being arrested and not getting on the plane at all too! And clearly, THAT is not an option…. which means chastity full time is also not an option!

So i guess i have to work on my mental submission being stronger…. i obviously struggle here and it will be something to overcome….. sometimes in chastity and well…. sometimes not.

i won’t deny…. i just wish he’d lock me up more often and allow me to have stress-free days. (Ok so not totally stress free…. but MORE stress free.)

Until next time…. locked in Chastity for now and am now off to have a relaxing STRESS FREE day!

Hugs,

Marie

95 – Am i crazy? i just might be!

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So the question of the day is: how does it “FEEL” to be submissive? (And … “am i crazy?”)

Let’s start by defining submissive…. “ready to conform to the will of another; obedient; passive, compliant, agreeable.”

MENTAL: being submissive starts with a state of mind. It is an action. To be obedient and passive is a choice. It is an intentional choice to be compliant and agreeable. It’s not something done to me, but something i choose to do.

Why do i chose to be submissive? Mostly… because i can. And it feels good. It feels good to agree with Sir, to let him be responsible – take charge – and for me to let go. And … to know that all i really have to do is……. just agree. i don’t have to be in charge of everything. i don’t have to be “right” either. i am even ok with being right and not getting recognition for it too.

i feel “free” when i don’t have responsibility to do anything… except for whatever makes him happy. Or whatever he tells you to. Or whatever keeps happiness between us.

PHYSICAL: Like most things in life for all of us, when i do good… i get rewarded. And when i don’t, well… i don’t. So in a D/s marriage, that typically means things along a sexual nature but not always. So i get to orgasm, get him to orgasm, have sex, and spend time with Sir… when i am a good girl. But when i am not…. that typically means spanked ass, denial, or loss of privileges.

And i dare say most (non D/s) marriages don’t have as much sexual energy and interactions as ours.

And even for the non-sexual activities, i still submit. Why? Again, because it’s agreeable. And so it works. Is there really any tv shows that i really want to see and therefore must be in control of the remote? And do i really need to have Mexican food for dinner instead of Chinese? No. i don’t.

So when i submit …. i feel good. And i get to look and feel sexy to my husband, which leads to orgasm. And when i don’t, i stand in the corner, get my ass turned red, or go to bed early.

MENTAL: But if i were to look in from the outside most people would think my marriage, viewpoints, and lifestyle is over the top outrageous… which would make me certifiably C-R-A-Z-Y! They’d probably question how much is (truly) consensual too…. because (they would say) that no one volunteers for the things that i – not only encourage – but actually ask for!

Right?!?!

C-R-AZ-Y. It feels like i am crazy sometimes. Insane. Officially over the edge. Commit me now. i truly do legitimately wonder this…. am i crazy to want this in my life and marriage? i probably am, depending on who you ask. Let me explain further.

So it is absolutely true that my lifestyle is nowhere near what mainstream would deem acceptable or appropriate or normal.

Okay, let’s go with that. Great. Ok. i am willing to own it….. we are not “normal”. At least not “normal” according to a mainstream definition of it anyway. Maybe i would argue that maybe mainstream isn’t right. At least as it relates to marriage. At the rate of divorce, i don’t know that i think that the “normal” definition and way of doing things for a marriage is the “right” way. i mean, seriously, if the “normal” way of marriage was SO great and the “right way,” then why do so many of them fail?

And you know what? i am O-K with that… bring abnormal. Why?

Well…. we have a GOOD marriage. i might dare say GREAT. Because we are completely together. We are completely committed. And i have NO doubt we will stay this way. In a D/s relationship with DD as a way to deal with disagreements. And doing it in a crazy way!

i guess what i’m driving at is … maybe i AM crazy. And maybe our marriage is abnormal. But for me, i’ll just embrace this crazy abnormal marriage and be happy in it.

Because while i do crazy things like pierce my nipples, wear chastity belts or an anal plug out in public, and get my ass spanked every Friday morning to reinforce the ways we like to do things ….it is all ultimately under my clothes …. the ones that are completely “normal” and accepted by society’s mainstream.

So how does it feel to be submissive? Crazy. Abnormal. Obedient. And that can sometimes lead to blissful orgasms… or blistered asses.

And i am OK with it all!

Hugs,

Marie

93 – We have a Plan B.

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Plan A: i don’t have many rules. But the ones i do have are supposed to be solid and respected. The rule i can’t get through my head and to adhere (totally) to is self-imposed chastity. i am not allowed to touch myself or orgasm without permission.

The problem: i am wayyyy too tempted.

The solution: Chastity belt.

But that created a secondary problem. For me to have my access limited, also limits Sir’s access!

i have quickly figured out that David likes his “easy access” …. hence no panties rule. And while he’s never required dresses/ skirts, he most definitely prefers them too! While i’ve always known this about him, i wasn’t too sure which was more important….. my lack of access or his ability to have it. And it seemed impossible to serve both.

We weren’t sure exactly how chastity would ultimately fit into our lives. David was clear he didn’t want it to be indefinitely but otherwise, nothing was set.

It was a bit unclear, i think to both of us, how it could be effectively used but NOT be indefinite too.

So how does chastity keep me from access while allowing him access? THAT was the ultimate, underlying question.

Insert: Plan B!

And as of today…. we have a solution! The a plan B solution will work!

i have realized for awhile now that i get most turned on in the mornings. i wake up thinking about sex. And then i shower – touching and fondling my breasts, my pussy, and my ass to clean it, then get out and dry them off, and then see them in the mirror – and it all causes the arousal to grow even more intense!

While i never say no to sex or his access when he wants it, i really don’t feel naturally horny most any other time of the day. And while i know i have to ask permission to masturbate and cum, by the time i am ready to ask, David is typically on his way out the door. So frequently i end up asking via text after he’s already gone too!

Well, about a month ago, he said, “if you don’t ask in person, in words, out loud, to my face…. the answer is no. You don’t get to be a wimp and hide behind your phone.”

And i more or less shrugged that off and ignored it. And have kept asking. Yesterday though, he put his foot down and said, “I told you no more texting. I meant it!”

So we were talking about this. And have come up with an acceptable solution……..

Instead of me waking up to a cup of coffee on the couch, i will now wake up and go straight to the shower. And by doing this straight away, Sir will still be home of course.

When i am done, if i ask (in person and out loud), and the answer is yes – then great. i get to cum!

But if i ask and the answer is NO – i go into chastity right then and there. And it lasts until evening when i return from work …or whenever David ultimately decides …. which could be even longer if he wants to.

But knowing that i am aroused and want to touch myself – and he is needing to leave the house – leaves too much temptation to touch without permission.

And i won’t deny, i have been known to do it without permission. Because the temptation is simply overwhelming and i feel like i just NEED it, i do sometimes TAKE it.

But if i am locked right away, i would would then get dressed and ready for work without being tempted to make bad decisions that i have already been told no to.

And if he wants to unlock me when i get home, he will then gain the easy access he desires.

While technically i could touch and play with myself in the shower, when he unlocks me, and overnight …. i never do. That’s not when i experience the most temptations.

The shower is the trigger to the arousal, but i never finish standing up in the shower by myself. And i am never tempted when first home because i am tired and unwinding from work, preparing for dinner, etc. then we watch tv, do family things, and by the time i lay my head down, i fall asleep pretty quickly!

So the biggest risk is for me in the morning, after Sir leaves, and i am left alone. With myself. To play.

And this solution limits that temptation while allowing him the access he desires.

Now i am fully aware that i should be able to refrain and to control myself. And most days, i can. So Plan A works! But not all days so THIS is the perfect solution…. to take away the temptation altogether! So Plan B will work when Plan A fails!

So honestly….. i love the solution!

We will start this tomorrow. i wonder if tomorrow i’ll get to play or be locked up! But i feel like i will be asking…. because i haven’t been able to ask for several days now … in person.

What’s your bet? Will tomorrow morning hold orgasm or chastity? My bet? i think it’s 50/50 odds here and i don’t like those odds enough to bet on it! But i’ll be ready for both!

Hugs,

Marie