The times i struggle to submit the most is when i completely get stressed out or overwhelmed… and especially when people at work make me mad. i have a stressful job, but most of the time it is manageable. But some days, it just seems over my head and definitely beyond my mental capacity.

Today was one of those days!

In fact, i left work early because i just couldn’t “adult” a minute longer. Specifically, while the ultimate person i want to please is David, i am a people pleaser overall. And when people (our clients) are NOT pleased, especially a lot of them on one day, it causes me anxiety and i wave the white flag and go home.

At work we have been dealing with an upcoming deadline and we have been sending emails telling people (clients) what we are doing to ensure the deadline isn’t missed and that we are taking care of them. And many have come back with a thankful attitude, but others have had a super-negative attitude and almost attacking really… “why? I didn’t asked for this!” … and all i can think is, “and maybe you didn’t ask because you forgot to! And how would we know that? Maybe you should offer up a positive response and a ‘thanks but no thanks’ words instead of jumping on us like we did something wrong!”

In fact, this is one of those things that if you were (still) my client, you would actually expect me to do for you! And it’s only when you don’t want to be a client anymore, but of course never told me, that you’d be annoyed with it.

Needless to say, all these not-clients made me mad today. And i just couldn’t deal. So i came home.

And these are the times when i struggle the most to hold my tongue, to say kind things to David (and our son), and just not retreat into my own mind. It’s these times that i feel selfish really. i want to do what i want, and to tell the world to go away…. in not-so-nice words. And what i’d like to say to them, i sometimes say to David as if he were them. To which, as you can imagine…. he does NOT care for. He always says things like, “You can tell me without all the angry emotions. And keep in mind, I am not them!”

Today i tried to not let it show and to just act “normal,” but that turned into me “trying to act normal, and definitely not succeeding”.

Obviously from the minute i walked in the door, David could tell i was cranky. In fact, as i was typing this just now, he asked, “are you in a better mood?”

i shrugged and said, “yeah, i guess.”

Now that came after he made steaks and baked potatoes for dinner, so really, my attitude was kinda crappy.

He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said, “you need to go take a warm bath, relax, and then assume the position.”

i just asked, “in that order?”

He said, “that’s what I said. Do you have a problem with that?”

No Sir.

Now in case you forgot, “Assume The Position” means to prepare myself to be spanked. So i assumed that at this point i had sent him over the edge of “tolerable bad behavior”, but it was a little confusing to me why i was to take a bath (which i love to do to unwind and destress) to then get a spanking, but i just thought, “it is what it is and don’t question it. Just do it!“.

So i went and took a relaxing warm bath… dreading the time i’d have to get out. i mean, a spanking is exact opposite of the relaxing bath, but i suppose my crappy attitude warranted it and either the bath or the spanking would ultimately have the impact (pun intended!) that David was looking for.

i stood on the floor, bent over the bed at the waist, naked, facing the bed, placed the paddle in the small of my back, and waited. And prayed. Like i always do.

i didn’t wait long. David came in and said, “good girl. I think you need some stress relief. You had one part with the bath, are you ready for the next?”

Me: “Yes Sir”……. (meanwhile in my head a different dialogue was happening….. “no, not really, but i know i probably need this and haven’t treated you too well tonight, so… i submit and let’s do this!”)

He picked up the paddle and i expected to feel it collide with my ass when he pulled me up off the bed, turned me toward him, and kissed me.

Then he pushed me back against the bed and laid me onto my back. He opened my legs and his tongue collided with my clit. The surprise caused me to arch my back, which lifted my puss in the air. He wrapped his arms around my thighs and held me firmly in place while his tongue slipped inside me and tantalized my clit! And i felt the orgasm rise in no time at all as he sucked with fervent energy. i squeezed out the words “Sir, may i cum?” And i heard him make the sound, “uh huh” but his mouth never once relinquished it’s grip on my puss!

His tongue is so amazing that if i were asked, “if you could only have one sexual act for the rest of your life, what would it be?” My answer would be “to feel Sir’s tongue on my clit and in my pussy”.

And i exploded…. over and over again. i lost count of the multiple orgasms that flowed as he continued to plunder my pussy with his tongue. This after last week’s dry desert was SO amazing!

When he was done, he said, “I’ll ask you again, now are you in a better mood?”

Me: “Oh yes Sir, i most definitely am now! Thank You Sir.”

The struggle can be real and it was tonight… but i held it together enough to get stress-relief in the best way possible. The rewards were sooooo worth it! ❤️.

Hugs,

Marie

While i’ve mentioned this, i haven’t talked too much about this week’s challenge or you could call it an assigned task. That was intentional because i was busy distracting myself from it with my Memoir story(s). But it’s never too far away either. 21-times, 7 days = edging. TO-THE-VERY-EDGE!

i am sooooo tempted to go over the edge. And i’m equally soooooo trying to obey. But Sir is making it hard. Intentionally. This is a fun game this week he is playing with me.

He said, “this will strengthen your self-discipline to listen and obey. It will also make you want me even more.”

Let’s just say it’s working!

The first night, he made me edge while watching a 30-minute porn video. He read his book while watching me. The girl in the video got to cum at the end. i did not. Sir kept saying, “don’t you dare cum!” all throughout. And when the porn star did, he asked me if i was jealous. (Uh, yeah!)

The second night, he played with my clit until i was so close to orgasm i arched my back and closed my eyes, which is when he slapped his hand down several times on my clit and said, “NO CUMMING for you.” It hurt! It definitely took me OFF the edge…. Until he resumed the process. Again and again.

The third night i had to get the remote control egg, turn it on, put it inside, and give him the remote. He turned it on and off most of the evening. All during dinner, watching tv, and of course getting ready for bed. Every time he could see me getting close, it went off. For about 10-minutes. And then it went back on. Over and over.

The fourth night has been the cruelest yet. He turned on porn again, got out the inflatable dildo and pushed it inside me. Then he pumped it up a few times, and told me to “move it in and out, make it fuck you… but remember… NO CUMMING!” That’s when he took off his clothes, laid on the bed, and masturbated beside me. He said, “look we are doing it together.” And laughed.

i asked if he’d put it in my puss and use me, and he said, “no, you might cum that way.” So i asked about my ass, and he said, “no, you’d cum that way too,”. And he proceeded to masturbate until he came. He kissed me and told me i was a good girl to use the dildo without cumming, and to stop and clean up and ready for bed.

Then on the 5th morning i was surprised to find my natural body-lubricating fluid dripping down my leg when he turned on the electric razor and it sounded like a vibrator. Pavlov’s dogs at its finest!

His last words to me every night are, “NO CUMMING”. And his last words in the morning before leaving are, “Be a Good Girl today!” And we both know what that’s intended to mean too.

To which i typically just say, “Yes Sir.”

Although this morning after he said it, i said, “Yes Sir… i know….”

He then said, “you said that with an attitude. Watch the tone! You can get as frustrated as you want, but pouting it inappropriate. Don’t think for a minute I won’t extend this for another week if I have to.”

i am beyond (sexually) frustrated. i was pretty cranky about this on Day 2 and i guess again today really with that smart-ass comment. i have to remind myself that this is good discipline and training. Everything good in life is worth waiting for. And to change my attitude. To be happy that i have a Sir wiling to care and love me so much he spends time with me, gives me instructions, and guidance to be a better submissive wife.

Tonight i was seriously trying to intentionally be positive about this and in doing so, i passed a test that i didn’t even know i had! Sir decided to masturbate… and cum… again. i didn’t know it, but he made sure to tell me.

When i said, “you didn’t use me. Why didn’t you have me help?” He said, “I was being selfish… because I can. What are you going to do about it??? I did get off to the thought of my ability to orgasm and your lack of it.”

i wasn’t sure what to say, so i just said, “i am happy to hear you were thinking of me. Thank you Sir.”

That’s when he added, “are you jealous?”

i responded with, “yes Sir. i really want to cum, but i know you know that. i’m just grateful you are my Dominant and you were thinking of me.”

That’s when he told me it was a test to see if i was going to pout, complain, whine, or otherwise be ungrateful. And if i had been, the time was going to be extended! But because i passed, i am scheduled to be done in 4-more-edging events… one more tonight, and 3-tomorrow. i feel sure Sir will allow me to cum this time tomorrow…. 24-hours and counting!!

So while i haven’t wanted these tests, i know it’s working! i am more submissive than i’ve been in awhile (overall, save the frustration part of course!) and i am doing it with love and kindness in my actions, thoughts, and words!

i even sent him this picture:

And told him “while we haven’t really been into positions much before, you know if you want to, you just need to let me know. And then after that, you can get me into whatever position you want in order to, say, service your cock.”

(We haven’t been into positions because it’s a challenge to do when you have a kid at home!)

i said, “if you want to, you could say for example, ‘get ready to please’, take my cock from my pants, and suck it until I tell you to stop”.

And i added, “you can just start telling me to kneel because it shows respect. Period. No other reason!”

And he said, “I think we’ll have to start that!”

So – yes – as much as i don’t want to admit it, edging is working as intended! i am more submissive than ever, wanting to please him more than ever, and hoping he will use me to make him happy – which will all make me extremely happy in the end!

i just want to cum already! 😩

Hugs,

Marie