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82 – The Struggle is Real

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 82 – The Struggle is Real

The times i struggle to submit the most is when i completely get stressed out or overwhelmed… and especially when people at work make me mad. i have a stressful job, but most of the time it is manageable. But some days, it just seems over my head and definitely beyond my mental capacity.

Today was one of those days!

In fact, i left work early because i just couldn’t “adult” a minute longer. Specifically, while the ultimate person i want to please is David, i am a people pleaser overall. And when people (our clients) are NOT pleased, especially a lot of them on one day, it causes me anxiety and i wave the white flag and go home.

At work we have been dealing with an upcoming deadline and we have been sending emails telling people (clients) what we are doing to ensure the deadline isn’t missed and that we are taking care of them. And many have come back with a thankful attitude, but others have had a super-negative attitude and almost attacking really… “why? I didn’t asked for this!” … and all i can think is, “and maybe you didn’t ask because you forgot to! And how would we know that? Maybe you should offer up a positive response and a ‘thanks but no thanks’ words instead of jumping on us like we did something wrong!”

In fact, this is one of those things that if you were (still) my client, you would actually expect me to do for you! And it’s only when you don’t want to be a client anymore, but of course never told me, that you’d be annoyed with it.

Needless to say, all these not-clients made me mad today. And i just couldn’t deal. So i came home.

And these are the times when i struggle the most to hold my tongue, to say kind things to David (and our son), and just not retreat into my own mind. It’s these times that i feel selfish really. i want to do what i want, and to tell the world to go away…. in not-so-nice words. And what i’d like to say to them, i sometimes say to David as if he were them. To which, as you can imagine…. he does NOT care for. He always says things like, “You can tell me without all the angry emotions. And keep in mind, I am not them!”

Today i tried to not let it show and to just act “normal,” but that turned into me “trying to act normal, and definitely not succeeding”.

Obviously from the minute i walked in the door, David could tell i was cranky. In fact, as i was typing this just now, he asked, “are you in a better mood?”

i shrugged and said, “yeah, i guess.”

Now that came after he made steaks and baked potatoes for dinner, so really, my attitude was kinda crappy.

He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said, “you need to go take a warm bath, relax, and then assume the position.”

i just asked, “in that order?”

He said, “that’s what I said. Do you have a problem with that?”

No Sir.

Now in case you forgot, “Assume The Position” means to prepare myself to be spanked. So i assumed that at this point i had sent him over the edge of “tolerable bad behavior”, but it was a little confusing to me why i was to take a bath (which i love to do to unwind and destress) to then get a spanking, but i just thought, “it is what it is and don’t question it. Just do it!“.

So i went and took a relaxing warm bath… dreading the time i’d have to get out. i mean, a spanking is exact opposite of the relaxing bath, but i suppose my crappy attitude warranted it and either the bath or the spanking would ultimately have the impact (pun intended!) that David was looking for.

i stood on the floor, bent over the bed at the waist, naked, facing the bed, placed the paddle in the small of my back, and waited. And prayed. Like i always do.

i didn’t wait long. David came in and said, “good girl. I think you need some stress relief. You had one part with the bath, are you ready for the next?”

Me: “Yes Sir”……. (meanwhile in my head a different dialogue was happening….. “no, not really, but i know i probably need this and haven’t treated you too well tonight, so… i submit and let’s do this!”)

He picked up the paddle and i expected to feel it collide with my ass when he pulled me up off the bed, turned me toward him, and kissed me.

Then he pushed me back against the bed and laid me onto my back. He opened my legs and his tongue collided with my clit. The surprise caused me to arch my back, which lifted my puss in the air. He wrapped his arms around my thighs and held me firmly in place while his tongue slipped inside me and tantalized my clit! And i felt the orgasm rise in no time at all as he sucked with fervent energy. i squeezed out the words “Sir, may i cum?” And i heard him make the sound, “uh huh” but his mouth never once relinquished it’s grip on my puss!

His tongue is so amazing that if i were asked, “if you could only have one sexual act for the rest of your life, what would it be?” My answer would be “to feel Sir’s tongue on my clit and in my pussy”.

And i exploded…. over and over again. i lost count of the multiple orgasms that flowed as he continued to plunder my pussy with his tongue. This after last week’s dry desert was SO amazing!

When he was done, he said, “I’ll ask you again, now are you in a better mood?”

Me: “Oh yes Sir, i most definitely am now! Thank You Sir.”

The struggle can be real and it was tonight… but i held it together enough to get stress-relief in the best way possible. The rewards were sooooo worth it! ❤️.

Hugs,

Marie

81 – Time will tell

Written by Marie on . Posted in Chastity Belt, My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 81 – Time will tell

Sometimes i dream up scenarios in my head about how D/s with DD could go.

i don’t know if you’d call that a “fantasy” or not, but here’s one such fictional story that i imagined in my head today…….

BACKGROUND:

i have a chastity belt on order. And i just finished a 7-day Edging challenge. In truth, i am equally happy AND fearful of this chastity belt. i think i am fearful because of the unknown… i just don’t know what exactly to expect. Hence, why i think i dreamed you a scenario of how it “might” go.

So as i wait the arrival of the belt, i’ve thought about how it will feel, how often i will have to wear it, and how things with it will go.

NOW:

i specifically envisioned this conversation in my head…..

Sir: go to the bedroom and edge. Stop only long enough to ensure you don’t cross over the edge. Do NOT cum! And I’ll be there shortly.

Me: Yes Sir.

And i do as told. About 10-minutes later, Sir comes in. And sits on the bed beside me.

Sir: are you frustrated?

Me: Yes Sir. Can i cum now that you are here?

Sir: no. But you can stop edging.

i start to get up.

Sir: I never said you could get up. Lay back down and open your legs.

i do as told. He touches me and it feels SO good!

Me: Please Sir, may i pleaseeee cum?

Sir: NO!

And he stops the touching.

Sir: Now let’s get your belt on you for the day. I want you to want me. To hear you beg to let you cum. To make sure you know you only get to cum when I allow it. I want to get you to the place where I walk by you and your juices flow down your leg because you are so well trained to be wet for me, that I don’t even have to speak. And if I said “cum now” you would, without me even touching you! That is the goal my love!

Me: Yes Sir.

And he locks me up, and afterward twirls the key in his hand.

Sir: I guess you better hope I don’t lose this key now! Right?? And if you are my good girl, you’ll maybe get to cum tonight. But you have to be good, don’t you?

Me: Yes Sir.

Sir: now kiss me, thank me, and get ready for work.

And i do as told.

TRUTH: i have no idea how this belt will go and that conversation above hasn’t happened. And in writing, it sounds hot. In practice, i may not like it too much. Time will tell.

Tick-Tock……..

Hugs,

Marie

Day 11: My Submissiveness

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Day 11: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT…ethics of kink?

i think safe, sane, and consenting are three words that should always be a part of every relationship, but especially in a kinky one. And no one should have to compromise those three things. Ever.

Beyond that though, i don’t know if the question was intended the way i am thinking here, but if i were to think deeper….

We have had sex with others. We mostly do it like a swinger situation, with everyone in the same room but not always. i love seeing David make another woman happy. And he typically positions himself where we have eye contact and he stares into my eyes. And he sees my reactions. And on the rare occasion i have had trouble with what i’ve seen, he reads my reactions well and he changes it up to make me happy!

i don’t really remember the last time though that we have been with AnYoNe else…because …well…it’s really been that long ago. We haven’t sworn off others, so much as life just gets in the way. And now given COVID, who knows if-when that might ever happen. And i’m ok with that too.

****** i want to add that after having been a cheated-on wife, and me feeling betrayed…. we NEVER do ANYTHING with anyone else that their spouse isn’t aware. And i KNOW the spouse is aware by talking to them about it too (or they are actually included at the time too). i refuse to be that person who hated when it was done to me… and now would be doing it to someone else! The only exception may be if they have a spouse and didn’t even tell us. Which to date, hasn’t happened, that i am aware of. But if we were to find ourselves in that position, i would 1) break it off with the person and/or 2) go directly to that spouse to tell them what’s happened. Cheating on someone’s spouse isn’t acceptable. (How’s that for ethics?)

Blue Bell Ice cream has a saying/slogan, “we eat all we can, and we sell the rest.” They literally hire employees and say, “eat as much as you want for free. It’s a perk of the company”. Why do they do that? Because before they allowed it, employees would steal it. After they opened it up and embraced it, employees eat ice cream for about a week and the novelty wears off and no one eats (much of) it after that.

So like Blue Bell, we have more or less adopted this approach for our marriage…. you can’t “cheat” on your spouse if you are doing it openly and together. And like everything in a kinky relationship, or really ANY relationship, we have talked about this. As long as we come home together, we enjoy this time together.

Why do we do this? Well… it’s sexy. It’s fun. And in the end, it keeps us together. We completely trust that we will be coming home together and we LOVE each other and spending time together.

i have thought before… what’s the difference between having sex with others with my husband… OR……going to a football game with my husband? Or going to a rock concert? Or playing golf? Or going on vacation together?

If you don’t get too deep into this… (seriously don’t overthink this here…. go here instead! Lol!)….. it is simply spending time together, doing something fun together, and being open/honest with one another.

i am secure enough in our relationship to know that we will always be together, that our love runs very deep, and now with DD we have a way of dealing with things that works when everything seems like it’s not.

So for what it’s worth… i am a safe, sane, and consenting (spanked, submissive) wife. And i’m all good with this!

Hugs,

Marie

80 – why do i blog?

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So i have had a lot of heavy topics as of late and i find myself wondering and contemplating, “what am i doing?” Why am i telling all this? And why did i start this blog from the start anyway?”….. 🤔

i readily admit, i have been drunk on all the likes and comments i have enjoyed seeing lately. In fact, i am giddy about it really. But it made me stop and think, “Was this my goal?…..Was getting people to follow and read my thoughts my ultimate mission?” It was not. So i have revisited this in my mind and decided to tell you too….

WHY DO I BLOG.

i blog for two main reasons: 1) a journal or an online diary and 2) to have someone to tell.

A Journal or Online Diary

My grandma had a diary for about 30-‘ish years. She literally wrote in a little book every-single-day without fail. EVERY-SINGLE-DAY.

She’d start by documenting the day’s stats… date, weather, where she was. And then she’d tell about the day, in her handwriting and personal words.

These diaries were something of a contentious point upon her death…. should the series stay together or be broken apart, should one person (of her 3-children, 9-grandchildren, and 12-great grandchildren) get them all or should each of us get (at least) one.

i would’ve liked to have had the diary with the year of my birth. Or maybe the next year when my grandma would’ve written about my first year of life. But the ultimate decision was that the oldest grandchild (a son) was to get them all. i wasn’t in control then and i have no idea how or even who made that decision really. So i will never see those diaries again. 😢

But that’s ok, because a diary is also a private thing. i mean many even have locks on them, most people hide them, and don’t share their thoughts with the world for a reason. Maybe her diaries should’ve been buried with her ….(ok, they wouldn’t have all fit in the casket, because there were that many…. but in a figurative way “buried with her”).

So like her, i wanted to write down some of my inner-most thoughts. i wanted to document my journey… to see where we started, where we are at now, and ultimately where we are headed to too. i frequently go back and reread the older posts. i resist the urge to change them (ok, i DO find misspellings and fix those, but i don’t change the content). Even if now i reread them thinking, “that’s not how i think now” … whether it be fundamental in the beliefs or way we do thinks now…. i want it to stand as-is. Because that’s what i thought and felt on that day.

And of course, we all know…..history repeats itself. Unless, of course, you take intentional actions to change that. And without a record of the history, how do you know now what history was good or bad, or to be repeated or avoided? i know i like not fighting with David, i like being submissive, and sometimes i need to be reminded of the times when that wasn’t always the case! 🥰

i have often wondered if i were to die today, would my blog even be known about? Like would anyone know it was here to turn it off, save it for the future, or…. would it just be buried with me? i know David knows about it, but whether this would be something he’d even remotely be focused on in that time of sadness is probably not likely.

Is online the best place for it? The best medium? Well, it can’t be (easily) found by people close to me. It can’t be lost either. And it’s always with me, no matter where i go and feel inspired to write. So i’m unsure if online is the best place, but it is one place. And why NOT use the technology of the day? Why not use it to my advantage?

So i write to document my history…. in my thoughts, word, and (typewritten) hand.

To Have Someone to Tell

When there’s something in your life that is newsworthy, both good AND bad, you want to have a friend to tell it to. Yet, most of what i write about is not really considered mainstream conversation…

Can you see me going to work today and someone asking, “Did you have a good weekend? What did you do?” And me answering, “Yes i did. We started it out with a maintenance spanking from Sir, which was great because it got us in the right D/s mindset too. i just love submitting to him.”

Uhhhhh no! 🥴🤐

Instead, my response would be, “yeah, we didn’t do much. Just relaxed together. You?” 😴

But when we started this journey, i was so excited that i was bubbling over and telling bits-n-pieces to various people. And i couldn’t remember who i told what to, or how much, and it was starting to cause problems for me.

Oh i didn’t have an outright conversation like noted above, but rather, stuff like, “we’ve been studying the idea of submission more.” Or “i really like having David make decisions and be in control.”…. which lead to questions … which lead to vague answers … which lead to anxiety (Can i trust this person with the truth?) 🤫

That’s when Sir said i shouldn’t probably tell anyone. But then i was SO in my head thereafter that i was struggling with this new information, how to process it, or what to do with it. 🤯

And that …..led to doubt.

Was this really the right lifestyle? Was D/s some kinky, perverse way to be? Who says their weekend was good after getting spanked? Maybe i am just crazy and need to see a doctor….. oh… wait… i’d have to TALK to this doctor to tell them why i was even there. 🤭

And then the judgement could maybe start.

Which led to more anxiety.

That’s when i asked “Sir, can i start a blog? As a place to tell someone my thoughts and our story? While it would be online, it is also anonymous really. The world is a huge place in this case and the odds of me ever meeting anyone in real life would be slim, but if that were to happen, they’d already know the real US too.”

He asked more about my “why”. And i told him the same as i am telling you now. And obviously he said yes and here we are…. Documenting the past, present, and future… together.

i am touched that my blog resonates with so many others… i started this blog as a place for me, but now it’s become a place for us. 🥳

Thanks for letting me be me. And thank you also for sharing a little about you with me too!

So tell me my trusted confidant friend, …..did you have a good weekend?? i did… it started with Friday maintenance and set the tone for the weekend. 😉

Hugs, 🤗

Marie

79 – Sexuality and Christianity

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i have been asked many times, “how do you reconcile your sexual escapades with your profession of faith?” … and every version thereof.

So this post is going to ATTEMPT to address that here… going to be very deep thoughts and theoretical and it’s taken me a long time to write this with many edits along the way .. so bear with me.

First off though…. i want to say i don’t know if i’m right. But i also don’t know if i’m wrong…. and frankly speaking, neither do you. So read this with an open mind and heart too! ❤️

AND a DISCLAIMER: while i am okay with constructive criticism, the key word is CONSTRUCTIVE! i have a delete button and i’m not afraid to use it. 😘 Remember the old adage… if you have nothing good to say… (let’s all finish it together now)… say nothing at all. So be kind!

My Christianity:

i want to start by telling you what i believe …as a Christian. i believe God loves all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight!

i believe in John 3:16, “that He gave his only son so that he who believes in Jesus will not perish, but have eternal life.” i do indeed believe that Jesus was the Great I Am who came to save us from sin and to whom that, when my earthly body fails or He returns to claim us (whichever comes first), i will go to be in heaven to live with forever.

i know we all sin every day in thought, word, and deed.. knowingly and unknowingly. And we have to ask God to forgive our sins to receive His many blessings in our life. But even if i were to not receive His blessings, because i believe Jesus is my Lord and Savior, i will still be saved.

i try to live my life according to the Golden Rule, which is biblical too, “Do unto others as you’d have done unto you.” (Matthew 7:12). And i know that ultimately God “has a plan for me to prosper, and to not harm” me (Jeremiah 29:11)

My Sexuality:

i am very sexual. i love being touched and touching, i love being seen and watching, but ultimately ………

i love being submissive (which is also biblical…. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-23).

i have been with men and women that i was not married to, while i was (am) married. Both with and without David. But i have never done so without David’s knowledge and consent. And even though he has before, i am quite sure he hasn’t since.

My husband and i tried (and basically failed) at being monogamous. Our marriage almost failed as a result too. So we started doing sexual acts together, with other people. We don’t see it as cheating, unfaithful, or inappropriate when you take it out of the shadows and do it together. Our sexual fun together is something similar to a date night. We go together, participate in a fun activity together, and we come home together.

Is there much difference really between going to dinner and a movie with another couple OR going to dinner and then having sex with another couple?

Because i would tell you that being non-monogamous (is that a word, welp, it is now!) comes in many forms… spending too much (plutonic) time with a friend, confiding in another person more than your spouse, doing an activity with friends/family while intentionally not including your spouse, speaking gossip or negatively about your spouse to a friend or family member, lying (or just not telling the whole truth) and of course…. watching porn videos, sexting in a chat room, getting “happy ending” massages, and going onto websites that are for dating purposes only….all the while intending to hide (deceive) your spouse.

The Reconciliation:

When i was soul-searching after discovering David’s infidelity i found a lot about adultery, including when Jesus says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

So when i was busy pointing fingers at David for being adulterous, there were 4 more pointing back at me too!

i did also contemplate divorce… Oh but the Bible says divorce isn’t right either (there are more than 25 verses on divorce). And to that end, it says that “what God has brought together, let no man separate.” (Mark 10:9)

So now, we are doing an activity that we love, with full trust, honesty, and consent, as we are doing it TOGETHER. What’s so bad about that?

If you say that monogamy is the only way because the Bible says it, i would offer up that the Bible is full of contradictions. Depending on how you want to look and interpret any topic, including this very same discussion (Just google, “polygamy and the Bible” or “is it possible to be Christian swingers” to name a few), the Bible can be twisted and manipulated to suit. Perhaps some would say that’s what we’ve done now too. i’m ok with that. And here’s why…

Consider the verse, “Love they neighbor as thyself” …. does this mean i am not only allowed, but in fact seemingly commanded to have sex with my neighbors? Because the Bible also says, “do not lust after your neighbor.” By who’s standard should verses be deemed literal or figurative? How did you decide here? There’s nothing in the Bible that tells us. We decide based on our Christian teachings in church or by societal norms.

So if societal norms are the standard by which we set our moral compass, when did monogamy become a “thing” because there are more than 40 leaders in the Bible who were polygamous with multiple wives, including Solomon, Moses, Abraham, and King David (a man after God’s own heart)? How did we pick the exact verses we want to mandate as the ones to follow (one wife) quite literally while ignoring other verses (those that say they had multiple wives) because they “no longer apply” or “aren’t meant to be taken figuratively? Nowhere in the Bible does it specifically condemn polygamy, but of course, it doesn’t condone it either. Unless …. you want to say that many of the key leaders/biblical characters are polygamous and if the Bible doesn’t specifically condemn them, it must therefore condone them by default. So again, by that logic, when did monogamy become the societal norm and only acceptable way?

Southern baptists believe you shouldn’t dance, drink (alcohol), or gamble. Why? Because at least the dancing and drinking parts certainly are not biblical. Jesus went to a wedding and turned water into wine! At a place where they were drinking together and he seemingly encouraged it by creating more. He served wine at the last supper, and yet, Baptist’s serve grape juice in church instead. How or when did the societal norms become that replacing what Jesus commanded (drink this wine in remembrance of me) not be the accepted practice?

And taking the opposite approach is the Methodist Church who is now allowing homosexual/lesbian people to become ministers.

Which church has it right or wrong? i don’t think either are wrong. It is an earthly interpretation of how they feel it best to live and guide us.

(Many use the Bible verse Hebrews 13:4 as the guidance to say homosexuality is wrong. In my bible, the words are exactly as “sexual immoral” – not “homosexual”. When did various translations decide that should be changed to “homosexual”?)

There’s no clear answers. There’s a lot of debate and we could literally argue this until Jesus comes again to set us all straight! So ultimately…. i say it again….. i don’t know the answers.

What i do know is that i wasn’t ready to divorce my husband, but what we were doing (attempted and failed monogamy) wasn’t working either. So now, we enjoy being honest, open, loving, and forthright with one another… and that includes spending time together doing activities like golf, travel, going to the movies, and yes sexual activity with others.

And in the end, i try to be a better Christian, wife, and Mother each day. Do i fail? Yes! But we all “fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23)

In the end, i am a Child of God, believe in Jesus, admit to being a sinner and try to do better each day…. knowing that none of us can abide by and live fully up to all 783,137 words in the Bible even if we did understand the true intent of each word!

i’ll leave you with a final thought…… lest Ye be the First to Cast Stones…..

According to the Gospel of John, the Pharisees, in an attempt to discredit Jesus, brought a woman charged with adultery before him. Jesus thought for a moment and then replied, “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.” The people crowded around him were so touched by their own consciences that they departed.”

And my true final thought…. now i am off to dress (without a bra or panties) to go to church on this Sunday morning. 😉❤️😘

Hugs,

Marie