Author: Marie

48 – Just Keep it To Yourself

Written by Marie on February 9, 2020. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 48 – Just Keep it To Yourself

Sometimes Submission is just a matter of keeping it to yourself. And sometimes that’s easy… but not always.

Here’s a few examples of what’s been in my head lately when i submit… or try to anyway.

David decided there were a few shirts in his closet that had seen better days and said “I think it’s time to get rid of these.” And he took them off the hanger and made a pile on the floor. It’s just three shirts. So not a big deal. But now it’s just sitting there. And i really want to say “are you going to throw those away? Can I do it for you?”

But i haven’t. On purpose. Because i know that it will come out with a tone that will NOT be appropriate. So i let it sit.

In the end, i ask myself “Does it matter if that pile sits there? Indefinitely?” Probably not. While it does create unnecessary clutter, it isn’t hurting anything or anyone.

So … keep your mouth shut. Simple Submission.

Another example… we were headed out to dinner and he told me to drive. Now in 23-years of being together, he has NEVER told me to drive and i can count on one hand the number of times i have driven when he’s in the car, which is typically been a result of him being ill. i started to ask why. But decided to keep my mouth shut instead.

Again, was it hurting anyone? Anything? Well… you might say that by keeping my mouth shut, it actually benefited me because David drives VERY aggressively and i do not care for it at all. It is the single biggest reason we have gotten into fights over our entire relationship. So now… while it seems strange behavior on his part, does it really matter “why”?! NOPE!

So sometimes… all it takes it staying quiet to be submissive!

But sometimes… staying quiet isn’t an option. This morning was one of those times.

i was cleaning. And i threw away 3 things that “technically” belonged to him, but none of which i thought he cared about. One was a magazine that came in the mail and has sat on the kitchen counter for almost 3-weeks. (Who has time to read magazines anyway? In the bathroom maybe… but then move it there and read it already. )

Well, he saw these things and got mad. He yelled at me, “DO NOT THROW AWAY ANYTHING OF MINE EVER AGAIN WITHOUT ASKING! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?”

i responded with “Yes Sir”…. but i admit, it had a bittttttt of attitude. To which i thought i’d get my butt blistered, but did not.

Instead, he said, “what are you thinking?”

Ahh crap!

Ok, so i was super sassy in my head at that moment and had been thinking “ok, careful what you ask for! i literally won’t throw away a thing of yours… like when i clean dishes and you have left over uneaten food on your plate… nope! Ain’t throwing it away!” But i KNEW that these thoughts shouldn’t come out of my mouth!!

So at this moment i am in a quandary.

He asked a direct question to which i have to answer. But if i lie, he’d probably know (because i don’t lie well and we’ve been together so long he would just “know”) and if i tell the truth, it is clearly NOT submissive!

So… i punted. i said, “i would prefer not to answer because it isn’t submissive thoughts and if i tell you, it will get me in trouble. But i was trying to overcome my non-submissiveness by not speaking my thoughts aloud.”

It didn’t work. He demanded to know. So…. i told him.

He wasn’t happy.

And what do you think came next????

(In my defense… i think it is unfair to put your submissive into a no-win situation when she acknowledges it ahead of time and warns you about it too. But i suppose the thoughts themselves were not submissive as i should’ve been thinking about how “he is right” and i should probably work on being submissive in all ways…. even in my head!)

Let me know your thoughts…..

Hugs!

Marie

47 – Submission is easy… until it’s not

Written by Marie on February 1, 2020. Posted in Chastity Belt, Domestic Discipline, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Denial, Punishment, Spanking, Submission, Submissive Wife, Wife Spanking. No Comments on 47 – Submission is easy… until it’s not

Most days, submission is easy. Some days…. not so.

SUBMISSION – it isn’t a difficult concept really.

RULES = FOLLOWED = REWARDS

RULES = NOT FOLLOWED = PUNISHMENTS

And the rules i have, just really aren’t a big deal. i mean, David is fair and reasonable. And he doesn’t demand much. In fact, if i were in charge, i’d have more rules and require more compliance… but that would lead to bigger rewards and especially more punishment too!

But i think, in some sense anyway, because David is sooooo very reasonable, i probably use that to my advantage. i don’t exactly think this through mind you. It’s not like, i’m over here going, “Hey, let me take advantage of Sir to my benefit and get what i want under the guise of submission.” i’m NOT thinking that what-so-ever! But maybe, on some level, that may be kinda-sorta-what’s happening – i dunno?!?!?!

So what am i specifically rambling about?!? Okay – here’s the message of the day….

David had to go out of the country for work for almost a week. And where we was at, is/ was 7 hours ahead of me. i tend to get sexually wound-up in the evenings, which was in the middle of the night where he was. i have a “RULE OF SUBMISSION” to ask permission to masturbate and orgasm. But HOW can i do that when he’s sleeping?!

Okay, you probably know what happened…..

Y-E-S – okay, i did it! Without permission. Twice. Okay, so maybe once was a ‘oops, i should have asked’ but the second time…. no excuse, right? well…… i happen to agree. But i felt like i ‘needed‘ it. There are times when i feel like i just HAVE to cum….RIGHT….NOW. And i don’t know how to control that. And when i couldn’t ask… well… i just let things happen. uncontrollable.

And the day before David came home, i confessed. He said very little. When i asked about what he was thinking or why he hadn’t said anything, his response was, “There’s nothing I can do from here. And when I get home, I will deal with this. Until then, we will not discuss it.”

Yikes.

Okay, i deserve it.

When he got home… my ass was turned VERY RED. i got a spanking that hurt-like-hell. We do have yellow (slow down) and red (STOP) emergency words, but i have NEVER used either one and i have ZERO plans to EVER do so. i figure if i ever get close to that trouble, i will use it, but honestly, i deserve the punishment at the time i get it. Because, again, i don’t really get into trouble much and when i do get in trouble, David is very reasonable. And again, i’d be much more harsh than he is if i were in control.

He made me stand in the corner. Naked. And wait.

And wait.

And when he came to the bedroom, he said, “Assume the position”. Which means i stand with feet on the floor, hands on the bed, and ready to be spanked. i did.

He got the paddle out. i could hear it. i cringed. But he couldn’t see my face because he’s behind me. And yet, i’m accepting. i know this is going to hurt.

And he hits my ass about 10 x’s all over. Warm up. Already it hurts and this is JUST a warm up.

And then he pulls back and paused. i cringed more as i knew it was about to start.

S-M-A-C-K. WOW. It came hard.

Again, and again and again. And it happened so many times i lost count. He doesn’t make me count. But i do. Somewhere around 25 i lost complete count and had to focus on not saying yellow. i didn’t want to say that at all. i knew it was earned fair-and-square.

And finally, when tears were in my eyes, he stopped.

When he asked me if i was regretting my actions, i had to stop and think. i knew the right answer was ‘yes’ and in THIs moment i was…..but frankly, when i get horny and feel like i’m not in control of my emotions, i would do it again. And again. Without asking. So i told him that i want to be regretful, but i don’t know that i am.

David decided that if i can’t help myself, maybe i need to be helped.

There’s preventative and detective type of punishment. Detective is after the fact getting punished. And then there’s preventative, as in, can’t get in trouble if you aren’t in that position in the first place.

So …. David told me i need preventative help…..

And now we are investigating and looking into locking female chastity belts. i am equally excited and fearful of this.

But so far – the ones we’ve found are SO DAMN EXPENSIVE! (HOLY CRAP!!!).

Anyone use or wear or buy these? Any you’d recommend? That are effective AND price-conscious?!

46 – First spanking in 2020

Written by Marie on January 9, 2020. Posted in Punishment, Spanking. No Comments on 46 – First spanking in 2020

So it didn’t take me long! In our re-start of D/s, i wasted NO time in getting my backside set in pain.. in grand form.

Hindsight is 20/20. Get it?! HIND and the year is 2020? Okay, maybe a bad joke. But i liked it. lol.

So this happened yesterday. i got soooo mad at a client at work. And that was right before i came home, so the entire commute home i stewed about it. So when i got home, i was still mad.

When David asked me how my day was, i told him (calmly.. …mostly…… okay, maybe not at all calmly…. i tried!) about how mad i was at this client and why. That’s when he started giving me advice and suggestions for how to deal with the client and the situation. The only thing was, i didn’t want or need his advice. i only told him … (okay, i’ll admit it ….NOT so calmly) … because he asked.

i do recognize that David was only trying to help. But i didn’t want his help. And i let him know…. in a not-so-calm kind of way.

i raised my voice … in frustration really.. and said, “i know all that already. This client is unreasonable and there’s no solution. So stop trying to help. And of course i was standing in front of him when i said this, so i ended with “can i go now?” i wasn’t even sure if i needed to ask if i could go, but given how i got to that moment, it felt natural to say outloud to him.

That’s when he said, “Excuse me? T-H-A-T is inappropriate. I think you might need to have an attitude adjustment.”

i very calmly (yes, it was calm this time because i knew i’d gone over the edge at this point)….said, “might or definite?”

He said, “Definite. N-O-W. Go get undressed and prepare yourself. i have things to do and i’ll be there when i’m there” i knew he was mad. Rightfully so.

So i did as instructed. i didn’t argue. i knew i shouldn’t have used the tone i did. But i was just so mad and he sent me over the edge.. and i lost control of myself. You know how you ‘take it out on the ones you love most”?? Well, that’s what happened. i clearly couldn’t yell at my client, so i yelled at David. Inappropriately.

i went to our bedroom and prepared for the spanking. i got undressed. Completely. As required. i assumed the spank position, which is where i stand on the floor, feet shoulder-width apart, hands on the bed, face looking at the bed (and my hands), feet squarely on the floor.

He likes for me to keep my heels on the floor when getting spanked and NOT MOVE. Impossible. No-can-do. As much as i try, i’ve NEVER succeeded in this. And that gets me into even more trouble. i happen to think physics won’t allow it. i mean when you spank, you send the butt forward, which causes the heels to leave the floor. Am i right or wrong? If wrong, any suggestions for being successful with this?!? i’ll gladly listen!!

i waited.

i’m not sure how long, but it felt about 15 minutes. Maybe longer. It was definitely long enough to really think about my situation and how i treated Sir. How it should have gone. How it will now be properly corrected. And to make my legs and arms a bit stiff from being in position. But i know better than to move too.

He came in. He said, “Do you know why we are here?”

“Yes Sir. i disrespected you by yelling at you and taking my anger out on you when you were only trying to help.”

“So are you prepared to accept your punishment now?”
“Yes Sir, i am”.

And he pulled the paddle out of the drawer. i couldn’t see it, but i know where it’s kept and i definitely recognized the sound of the drawer opening and closing. The paddle is Sir’s favorite tool. It hurts. It is big enough that with just one swing it covers my entire ass, so every single swing is a complete and total sting to my complete butt. No escape even when he moves his aim. It’s all the same. Pain all over from the first to the last swing of the paddle.

And the first one came. (H-O-L-Y CRAPPPPP….. it’s been a LONG time since we’ve done this. And i forgot just how painful that paddle is. And i knew he was reserving his swing to warm me up, but probably also to do the same for himself since we both were out of practice. And my heels came off the floor. Of course.)

And the second one. (how many can i take today? and my heels came off the floor and i’m already doing a little dance. Unacceptable and i know it!)

That’s when he says, “We are trying something different. Follow me. Now”.

So he walks to the kitchen. David does all the cooking in our house. i found this really cool, custom made Lazy Susan for the table to give him for Christmas. He pulled it to the edge of the table. He said, “Rest your hands, palm down, on this Lazy Susan. If it moves, or if your hands come off of it, you’ll regret it and receive even more punishment.”

THAT was a sexy turn on for me. i absolutely LOVE it when he takes charge and tells me what to do.. even when i’m in trouble. i felt my pussy let out it’s juices.

i did as i was told.

And immediately, i felt the next swing of the paddle hit. And my hands moved the Lazy Susan. Sir said, “Oh that was bad.”

And then he peppered my ass with a bunch of swats over and over and over. And i was surprised at how fast they came and they were causing my ass to sting something fierce. It was on fire!

i wasn’t good about the Lazy Susan not moving OR the heels coming off the floor at all. So Sir said, “you are not doing well with my instructions. I’m going to make your ass pay for this.”

And he did. Over and over again.

i tried to keep count, but i failed. Sir doesn’t make me count out loud, but i do try to do it in my head as it gives me something to focus on. But he was going so fast and hard that i lost count in a hurry.

And not only that, my ass was burning so badly with every-single-swing of the big ass-covering sized paddle that it was all i could do to try to take it with grace.

i felt the tears well up. i’ve never cried. i don’t know if i felt tears because of how long it had been since i was in this position and out of shape, or if Sir was going extra hard for having gotten mad and making a point here, or maybe it was my own mind working to break my spirited self. No matter ‘why’ i suppose really.

But as soon as i felt the tears forming, Sir said, “we are done with this spanking.” And i stood up, and he hugged me and kissed me. Told me he was proud of me and i did as i always do, i said, “Thank you Sir for the discipline. Thank you for being my head of house and thank you for your love.”

To which i thought then all would be forgiven, but instead, Sir said, “We aren’t quite done with the discipline though.” THIS is new…

He took me to the food pantry – still very naked and with a VERY sore butt that was throbbing in high gear – and said, “Stick out your tongue.”

And he grabbed the hot sauce. i HATE HOT STUFF. And Sir knows it. He LOVES hot stuff. So he has multiple bottles of it with varying heat. Thankfully, he chose a low-level heat sauce. (i’m not so sure the next time will be with the low-heat hot sauce).

He opened the bottle, poured some into his hand, and said, “Lick my hand clean.”

i cringed. But i did it. And immediately felt my tongue go hot. And then i swallowed. HOLY CRAP the back of my throat is on FIRE now.

He said, “You received the spanking for the disrespect and anger you showed, but this is for the volume you used. Next time you should consider chosing your words and volume more carefully.”

i said very simply, “Yes Sir.”

And then i swallowed. And it burned even more. That fire was in my throat for about 30-minutes and the tears came back to my eyes.

That’s when he said, “All is forgiven now.”
To which i responded with a simple, “Thank you Sir”

And waited for the burn in my ass and on my throat to subside.

That’s when i went to get dressed. i was surprised to find that my nipples were erect and my pussy was very wet. i didn’t expect to find that much arousal from this, but i know i love David so much for the discipline he administers and for being the Head of my life that it does get me excited. So i suppose i wasn’t really surprised for being wet.. but rather at how wet i was. He didn’t touch me sexually. He doesn’t when it is true discipline and i’m glad for that because that just gets confusing then.

So even though my renewed D/s first week hasn’t gone toooooo swell for my tongue or my ass, i’m grateful for Sir’s leadership and reinstalled corrections. The rest of the night was without issue and all really was forgiven and forgotten, to which i’m grateful for as well. Pre D/s the first time or even in recent months, we would have been in a huge fight and it would have lasted hours. Not now. We have effective resolution management.

In case you are wondering, my ass is still a bit sore today and slightly bruised. And tomorrow is when we resume our weekly maintenance day. Oh-My.

Hugs,

Marie

45 – New and Old Rules.

Written by Marie on January 6, 2020. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 45 – New and Old Rules.

After David and i talked a LOT, we started talking about what rules (or not) that we would have (or not). We aren’t officially formal like with a contract like some DD relationships are, but i know what’s expected. (i knew before too, but chose not to do it!). So we reestablished some old rules and created some new ones too.

Some of the old rules that we reestablished are:

No bra. (i’d started wearing it again. i mean, why not?!?)
No taking a (warm/ relaxing) bath without permission. (Ugh…. ok)
Refer to Sir as Sir. (not a problem. i rather missed this one)
Wear a corset to shape my body (i’d completely stopped this one because sometimes corsets aren’t comfortable at all)
Show respect at all times (of course, i’d unintentionally reverted to pre-DD style – see last post for more info really)
And … you guessed it …. NO MASTURBATION WITHOUT PERMISSION. (okay, i mean, THIS is the one that got me in trouble and caused all the trouble, so i KNEW this one was coming back!)

i decided to ask Sir, “Can i ask Why? i mean, i could see if you said no sometimes. But you don’t. And before when i didn’t ask, it was because i didn’t really think you cared enough to ever say no anyway.”

His answer, “sometimes i want you to know that you are MINE. And when you have to ask to touch yourself, it is forcing you to give up YOU and recognize – and respect – ME, our marriage, and my authority.”

Okay – i should have just asked the first time and not assumed so much or acted the way i did. i admit it. Now. Wish i hadn’t wasted 4-months figuring this out. But i guess this time off hasn’t been terrible either. NO not the best months of our marriage, but it was good for me. Because while i thought i wanted a DD relationship before… NOW I KNOW I DO!

And NOW i know there is not EVER any going back. I LOVE THIS MAN and the way we do this life, marriage, and DD relationship!

SO – a few NEW rules too….

NO PANTIES. EVER. (well this one will be a new experience!)
NO Pajamas either. (He’s never liked my soft, cotton, Mom-style PJ’s… and this too will be a new experience).
Dresses should be worn when possible. (Not ‘required’, but preferred. Because now there will be easy access with no bra and no panties on!)
Maintenance Spankings. Every Friday. (We technically had a rule about these before, but now they going to have a protocol that includes corner time and will ALWAYS be made up if missed for any reason… like our son/ holidays/ sickness/ etc… so my rear will hurt every weekend now)
And the biggest new thing…. a locking Chastity Belt. (for enforcing the last old rule above – NO MASTURBATION WITHOUT PERMISSION.

THIS is currently on order, been shipped, and expected to arrive at our house sometime soon…….

Now i wonder what you are thinking. i certainly know what i was thinking….. “WHOA, what’s this about? WHY?” And then we talked about it. i’m not going to be locked in it 24/7, but rather to be worn at times when i need to be reminded that masturbation and orgasms are NOT my decision. That’s when i’ll be made to wear it. And should i decide i need to do so, it is better to lock myself into it and/or ask for it prior to making an error in judgement (aka: masturbating without permission!) than to be found out afterward. This is much more desirable than to choosing disobedience for the rules Sir has laid out, and made very clear.

So when it arrives, i’ll wear it for awhile. Not sure how long that is, but he will put it on and lock me in it and he will have the key. The only key.

Thankfully it has holes in it so i can use the bathroom without too much trouble really, but that may be even better to keep me locked up even longer without anyone ever knowing. (i’ll keep you posted what i think after wearing it for a bit).

In the end after thinking about it for a couple of days now, i’m actually good with this. Honestly, i think this is a good compromise. It gives me the ability to be disciplined without Sir having to do much, but it could be used for orgasm control too. i think it could be a good solution to forcing me to ask permission to touch myself. And it will cause me to recognize the authority he has in my life and what i’ve voluntarily given up.

And just looking at it, i’m kinda turned on and ready to have a new adventure with this new ‘rule’… and bringing back the old rules already just feel like i’m sliding into an old glove that fits oh-so-well!

So now – back to our normal. The way we do things fits us well. And i’ll tell you about the two spankings i’ve already gotten — maintenance really – in my next posts. But not tonight… you’ll have to wait. i know the spanking types will come back for that! 🙂

Hugs,

Marie

44 – Fixing what broke

Written by Marie on January 6, 2020. Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. No Comments on 44 – Fixing what broke

TODAY – Jan 6, 2020 – is mine and Sir’s 19th anniversary. And i couldn’t be happier that we ‘made up’ and are ‘back to normal’. Of course, the normal that includes domestic discipline (DD), him being the Head of Household (HoH), me being submissive and accepting of punishment.

See the thing was, before we ever did DD we weren’t “happily married”. Oh i thought we were. Mostly. But then i knew somewhere inside that we really weren’t. i never felt like i respected him the way i should. In fact, one time (long ago!) he actually called me out on it! And i was like, “What do you mean I don’t respect you?! What exactly do you expect me to do to show you ‘respect’????” … with the word “respect” being spit at him with distain and in such a mocking voice that any self-respecting man would have recognized that i was a shrew in need of a good spanking! But because we had no such DD in our life then, we got into a HUGE fight and at the end nothing got resolved so we just agreed to disagree and ‘forget’ it.

But then, after we started doing DD a bit more than a year ago….we talked more than ever, i showed respect the way he deserved, we had ways to resolve disagreements and we were happy. And disagreement… well… they rarely happened because we both knew who was in charge and who’s word mattered. And i liked it!

And when we stopped… it all went away. The calm, the resolution, the respect, and the best marriage ever. Obviously, my marriage didn’t technically ‘go away’, but it may as well have. So i knew it could be “back to normal” if i’d just stop being stubborn, let my heart be exposed and ask for forgiveness and to start again. So that’s what caused me to step out in faith and risk being rejected and send the text.

What …..a text? Why not show true courage and speak in person? Well in person would’ve been the best option, but i was feeling insecure… and it took the whole ride to work to give me the courage to talk at all! So text was better than nothing.

So i texted Sir and said, “i miss spanking” and he immediately responded with “me too”, and just like that….we started talking. My husband is NOT a talker so to talk as much as we have, i can tell he really did want a do-over and to start fresh as much as i did.

And despite a possible rejection, he did the opposite – he made my heart SOAR!

The BEST (early) anniversary gift ever!

At the time that i caused the problems though and refused to be spanked, i really didn’t think he LIKED the DD stuff. i felt that he did it for a couple of reasons but mainly because i asked him to do it. So after he wasn’t doing what i thought he should, as Dom and HoH, i decided this charade was stupid and didn’t want to do it anymore. YES, i DID want to do the DD and D/s. But i wanted him to want to do it. Not me wanting him to do it with him simply obliging.

And it wasn’t until he got SO mad that day that i realized that maybe he started doing it for me and because i asked, but by the time we ‘called it quits’ he was really doing it because he wanted to. But then it felt like it was just too late.

i had screwed up and it was what it was. You made your bed, so lie in it. And accept it. And be happy too! Except i wasn’t happy.

So when i initiated the text, that was when truly we started talking again too.

The first thing he really said to me about everything was, “Short of abusing you by forcing you to accept punishments that I deem necessary, this doesn’t work. And in the process, I feel as if you are just playing at this and not being submissive at all. So when you choose to stop playing, I’m left feeling betrayed for having believed this was real.”

Wow. That really opened my eyes! i know that the sub has a lot of power to accept or deny a Dom’s authority. But i never really thought about how it would (figuratively) castrate him if i “just stop”, and especially in grand form the way i did!

So – i apologized. Profusely.

And we talked about ‘if this ever happens again’ what would i tell and suggest that Sir do in the future if this ever happen again. Well, since i’ve had a LOT (4-months now) of time to think about this, i actually had an answer.

i told him, “Ignore me. Completely. Do not speak to me at all, except to say, ‘Are you ready to accept the punishment that you know you deserve now?’

And i went on to say, “if you ignore me and do NOT speak to me, even if it takes days, i know i will come around. i may be stubborn as all get out and take that long, but i will change and accept my punishment properly. And while sitting here now i’d like to say this won’t ever be a problem again, i can’t be certain. But what i am certain of is i love who we are when you are my HoH and i submit! So i DO want this!”

His response, “I can do that.” (And i know he will!)

He then asked, “But truly …What IF you decide you really don’t want to do DD or HoH anymore?” My response was easy, “i know i won’t ever NOT want this….as i’ve missed you and our ways so much in these months. But ‘if’ i ever decide that, we will talk about it when we aren’t dealing with a punishment situation and with level-heads. And we won’t talk about it until after i accept the punishment that i refused. Either way, it won’t happen until we are past that situation and able to talk properly. i am willing to write that down now on paper if need be.” (He said to blog about it…. so i am! lol).

So today – January 6, 2020 – is our anniversary and we have now been married for 19-years. i know the next (however many) years ahead will be WAY better than the last ones because we have a new (permanent!) way of doing things.

A way that works. A way that i’ve learned i need in my life and i need Sir to be the one i do it with. And i’m happy…. again.

And that’s when i got spanked for the original punishment….. for masturbating without permission or approval. I’ll talk more about how that went in the next post!

Hugs,

Marie