48 – Just Keep it To Yourself

Sometimes Submission is just a matter of keeping it to yourself. And sometimes that’s easy… but not always.

Here’s a few examples of what’s been in my head lately when i submit… or try to anyway.

David decided there were a few shirts in his closet that had seen better days and said “I think it’s time to get rid of these.” And he took them off the hanger and made a pile on the floor. It’s just three shirts. So not a big deal. But now it’s just sitting there. And i really want to say “are you going to throw those away? Can I do it for you?”

But i haven’t. On purpose. Because i know that it will come out with a tone that will NOT be appropriate. So i let it sit.

In the end, i ask myself “Does it matter if that pile sits there? Indefinitely?” Probably not. While it does create unnecessary clutter, it isn’t hurting anything or anyone.

So … keep your mouth shut. Simple Submission.

Another example… we were headed out to dinner and he told me to drive. Now in 23-years of being together, he has NEVER told me to drive and i can count on one hand the number of times i have driven when he’s in the car, which is typically been a result of him being ill. i started to ask why. But decided to keep my mouth shut instead.

Again, was it hurting anyone? Anything? Well… you might say that by keeping my mouth shut, it actually benefited me because David drives VERY aggressively and i do not care for it at all. It is the single biggest reason we have gotten into fights over our entire relationship. So now… while it seems strange behavior on his part, does it really matter “why”?! NOPE!

So sometimes… all it takes it staying quiet to be submissive!

But sometimes… staying quiet isn’t an option. This morning was one of those times.

i was cleaning. And i threw away 3 things that “technically” belonged to him, but none of which i thought he cared about. One was a magazine that came in the mail and has sat on the kitchen counter for almost 3-weeks. (Who has time to read magazines anyway? In the bathroom maybe… but then move it there and read it already. )

Well, he saw these things and got mad. He yelled at me, “DO NOT THROW AWAY ANYTHING OF MINE EVER AGAIN WITHOUT ASKING! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?”

i responded with “Yes Sir”…. but i admit, it had a bittttttt of attitude. To which i thought i’d get my butt blistered, but did not.

Instead, he said, “what are you thinking?”

Ahh crap!

Ok, so i was super sassy in my head at that moment and had been thinking “ok, careful what you ask for! i literally won’t throw away a thing of yours… like when i clean dishes and you have left over uneaten food on your plate… nope! Ain’t throwing it away!” But i KNEW that these thoughts shouldn’t come out of my mouth!!

So at this moment i am in a quandary.

He asked a direct question to which i have to answer. But if i lie, he’d probably know (because i don’t lie well and we’ve been together so long he would just “know”) and if i tell the truth, it is clearly NOT submissive!

So… i punted. i said, “i would prefer not to answer because it isn’t submissive thoughts and if i tell you, it will get me in trouble. But i was trying to overcome my non-submissiveness by not speaking my thoughts aloud.”

It didn’t work. He demanded to know. So…. i told him.

He wasn’t happy.

And what do you think came next????

(In my defense… i think it is unfair to put your submissive into a no-win situation when she acknowledges it ahead of time and warns you about it too. But i suppose the thoughts themselves were not submissive as i should’ve been thinking about how “he is right” and i should probably work on being submissive in all ways…. even in my head!)

Let me know your thoughts…..




  1. This post spoke to me today. I struggle with the fact that I believe there is my way of doing things, and the wrong way. The result? I can come off as an ungrateful nag (first step is admitting you have a problem – right?)

    I definitely think it is harder trying to change the way my brain wants to automatically react than biting my tongue so it does not come out. Wish there was a way to remove certain phrases from my brains vocabulary!

    Hope your brain starts behaving for you. 🙂

  2. *giggling* i relate to this so much! i don’t think my thoughts will ever be totally submissive. There are some distinct differences i’m finding between being in a DD/lg relationship and a purely D/s one. i have the blessing of having a husband/Daddy who enjoys my playful bratting and a little bit of push back. It’s how i’m able to survive living 24/7 in a D/s relationship. He can’t be angry at me, even when He wants to be, based on how i present things to Him. The doting Daddy side almost always prevails over the strict Master side. Keep putting the work in. 😀

    On another note…. when He has been unfair, i can usually go back and tell Him in a respectful way. He’ll think about it and will almost always agree with me. In the moment isn’t the time to tell Him. Perhaps your husband overreacted to the magazines…. 😀

    • I love when you comment. I always learn a lot. I’m glad to have your perspective! I’m not sure I could be a brat with success in my relationship with David. 🤔☺️

      Thanks for commenting!

      • lol i don’t think it’d be successful either. 🙂 Something tells me that you have a bit of natural brat in you. Bratting isn’t a bad thing…. just not for all and all relationships. Daddy happens to love how i brat. lol Not all bratting behavior, but i’m pretty sweet about it. He calls me His sourpatch kid!! ;P

        Happy to share my perspective. ♥ So glad it helps and you find at least a bit of humor at times. LIfe’s too short not to. 🙂

  3. Since you asked, and only since you asked…. I don’t believe ‘submission’ is stop thinking and I don’t believe it means only say what he wants to hear.

    There may be a time and a place and a way etc … but there should be room for truth and honesty in all of it, other wise what the heck is it we are doing anyway?

    If he asked for an honest answer and you gave it in a manner that was not rude than I think he needs to accept it, period. Secondly, the first two things you described , why could he not explain or you not ask for clarification without it becoming a problem?

    Communication to me is the answer to most issues but it needs to be done honestly and it needs to be done without repercussion. Anything else is just vanilla with sprinkles …

    Perhaps not what you wanted to hear, but since you asked.

    • Hi Nijntje,
      Thank you for your comments. I like it. I agree with your perspective.

      I think the reason why I didn’t say anything, and chose to keep my mouth shut for the first two examples, (and maybe I should have spoke more clearly), I wouldn’t have asked in a respectful way. I would’ve been like “W-H-Y?!?!” And had an attitude! And frankly, regardless of the answer, I’m not sure it would have mattered really as my attitude would’ve likely trumped all!

      But … to your point, communication is absolutely the key to any relationship, Vanilla or otherwise. And I completely agree with your comments.

      So maybe I just need to learn how to show more respect, but still speak my mind. That’s hard for me, and yet, it really shouldn’t be.

      Thanks for your thoughts and I welcome more!

      • Hello Marie,
        It’s nice to meet you! 🙂

        I have a nice method I like to use when I want to make sure my thoughts are coming across in a manner, any manner I might want to express that I might not be used to. Now bear with me …. LoL

        Having your say right away sounds like a difficult task for you but not saying anything at all seems to brew and bubble until it boils over. My suggestion is to go and write it down! 😉 Not for him to see right away and I would both suggest and from him, request, the right to do it privately. Get it out of your system and then move along, for the time being.

        After a while, when you are ready – go back and look at what you wrote. Was it fair? Was it valid? Did you look at both sides … ? Can it be worded in a way that better suits the person you want to be?

        If so, fix it. Work on the words and most importantly the feel/attitude that you really want to bring to the table. If it’s still something you need answered, than take it to him then. You can give him the note or use your words, maybe both!

        You know the old saying, practice makes perfect? Eventually most situations will just be handled in the way you want more naturally and for the times it’s not – rinse and repeat!

        Just my two cents! Good Luck, Marie!

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