282 – Back in Belt; Control is not mine

David went to Florida for work today through Wednesday night for work. Again, he’s traveling. He has had to travel a lot lately.

His travel goes in streaks and this is one of them. i hate it, but of course, i can’t change it. i think he’s okay with it though. He rather likes traveling overall, which works well for someone who has to do it a lot like he has had to lately.

He left at 5am this morning, on Monday and he returns at 8pm on Wednesday night. A total of nearly 60-hours.

And this time, like many of the previous times David is out of town, i am back in my chastity belt.

This time, unlike some of the other previous times, i do NOT have the key.

i have no idea where it is, other than, “in our house,” which isn’t enough to be able to find it.

i don’t have the key because i needed to have some control taken away. In short, i had a privilege taken away.

As of late, we haven’t totally been on-point. We haven’t been totally off-point either. But, like anything not totally cared for properly, it starts to deteriorate. David hasn’t done maintenance spankings in awhile now, and i think he should have but i haven’t told him that. Instead, i have slowly and unintentionally become a bossy-little-brat-wife.

That led up to David getting so mad on Saturday he yelled at me. i probably deserved (some) of it, but some of it, i did not. When he yelled at me, i got incredibly angry. But. i didn’t say a word. Not-A-Single-Word!

In the past, when he’d get mad and yell, i would yell back. But now, i do not. While i could speak my concerns, “speak” is the key word. And because i was ANGRY i knew there was no way i would speak!

At the end of his yelling, he told me if i had a lot more to say (my mouth was what got me in trouble in the first place!) about the topic, i could walk home. You have NO idea just how close i was to doing it! Talking AND walking.

In the past, i would have challenged his words and called his bluff. i would have demanded to get out of the car and started walking. The dumb thing is that would only hurt myself and does nothing for or to him. And in the D/s world i live in now, Sir would actually let me out and i would be walking. Maybe not the entire way, but enough to wish i hadn’t been so stupid too. Because now, David (almost always) says what he means and means what he says.

So i sat in the vehicle in silence. Complete silence.

After about 10’ish minutes he asked me, “are you good?”

i wasn’t entirely sure i was, but i said i was. After i said that and thought about it more, i started to tell him i was NOT ok. But what was i going to say after that, that would make any difference whatsoever. i asked myself, “What can be said that would make a positive difference? What can i say that would end well?”

i couldn’t think of a single thing.

i also couldn’t think of a logical answer to the questions, “if you weren’t ok, then WHY did you say you were? Did you lie to me??”

So i continued to be silent.

After a bit of more silence, i really did become “ok.” And we began the trek to both being back to normal. Not long thereafter, we were indeed ok.

Yesterday (Sunday) when i was talking with David, i asked him why he got so mad and why he yelled at me. i also asked him why he allowed it to get that bad. His answer was simple, “laziness.”

Now today he went out of town and said he was hiding the key because control was something i had a little too much of lately and we needed to get him (not me) back into the proper position of control he so rightfully deserves.

i was a-ok with that. The belt went on, the lock snapped shut, and the key laid in his hand and then it went away.

Shortly thereafter Sir leaned in, kissed me goodbye, and he left.

It took all of an hour and i was ready to be out. Not because i needed it, but because i wanted it.

i wanted the control back. But i shouldn’t have it and it’s good that i don’t. This is good for both of us.

60-total-hours and counting.

Hugs,

Marie