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44 – Fixing what broke

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. No Comments on 44 – Fixing what broke

TODAY – Jan 6, 2020 – is mine and Sir’s 19th anniversary. And i couldn’t be happier that we ‘made up’ and are ‘back to normal’. Of course, the normal that includes domestic discipline (DD), him being the Head of Household (HoH), me being submissive and accepting of punishment.

See the thing was, before we ever did DD we weren’t “happily married”. Oh i thought we were. Mostly. But then i knew somewhere inside that we really weren’t. i never felt like i respected him the way i should. In fact, one time (long ago!) he actually called me out on it! And i was like, “What do you mean I don’t respect you?! What exactly do you expect me to do to show you ‘respect’????” … with the word “respect” being spit at him with distain and in such a mocking voice that any self-respecting man would have recognized that i was a shrew in need of a good spanking! But because we had no such DD in our life then, we got into a HUGE fight and at the end nothing got resolved so we just agreed to disagree and ‘forget’ it.

But then, after we started doing DD a bit more than a year ago….we talked more than ever, i showed respect the way he deserved, we had ways to resolve disagreements and we were happy. And disagreement… well… they rarely happened because we both knew who was in charge and who’s word mattered. And i liked it!

And when we stopped… it all went away. The calm, the resolution, the respect, and the best marriage ever. Obviously, my marriage didn’t technically ‘go away’, but it may as well have. So i knew it could be “back to normal” if i’d just stop being stubborn, let my heart be exposed and ask for forgiveness and to start again. So that’s what caused me to step out in faith and risk being rejected and send the text.

What …..a text? Why not show true courage and speak in person? Well in person would’ve been the best option, but i was feeling insecure… and it took the whole ride to work to give me the courage to talk at all! So text was better than nothing.

So i texted Sir and said, “i miss spanking” and he immediately responded with “me too”, and just like that….we started talking. My husband is NOT a talker so to talk as much as we have, i can tell he really did want a do-over and to start fresh as much as i did.

And despite a possible rejection, he did the opposite – he made my heart SOAR!

The BEST (early) anniversary gift ever!

At the time that i caused the problems though and refused to be spanked, i really didn’t think he LIKED the DD stuff. i felt that he did it for a couple of reasons but mainly because i asked him to do it. So after he wasn’t doing what i thought he should, as Dom and HoH, i decided this charade was stupid and didn’t want to do it anymore. YES, i DID want to do the DD and D/s. But i wanted him to want to do it. Not me wanting him to do it with him simply obliging.

And it wasn’t until he got SO mad that day that i realized that maybe he started doing it for me and because i asked, but by the time we ‘called it quits’ he was really doing it because he wanted to. But then it felt like it was just too late.

i had screwed up and it was what it was. You made your bed, so lie in it. And accept it. And be happy too! Except i wasn’t happy.

So when i initiated the text, that was when truly we started talking again too.

The first thing he really said to me about everything was, “Short of abusing you by forcing you to accept punishments that I deem necessary, this doesn’t work. And in the process, I feel as if you are just playing at this and not being submissive at all. So when you choose to stop playing, I’m left feeling betrayed for having believed this was real.”

Wow. That really opened my eyes! i know that the sub has a lot of power to accept or deny a Dom’s authority. But i never really thought about how it would (figuratively) castrate him if i “just stop”, and especially in grand form the way i did!

So – i apologized. Profusely.

And we talked about ‘if this ever happens again’ what would i tell and suggest that Sir do in the future if this ever happen again. Well, since i’ve had a LOT (4-months now) of time to think about this, i actually had an answer.

i told him, “Ignore me. Completely. Do not speak to me at all, except to say, ‘Are you ready to accept the punishment that you know you deserve now?’

And i went on to say, “if you ignore me and do NOT speak to me, even if it takes days, i know i will come around. i may be stubborn as all get out and take that long, but i will change and accept my punishment properly. And while sitting here now i’d like to say this won’t ever be a problem again, i can’t be certain. But what i am certain of is i love who we are when you are my HoH and i submit! So i DO want this!”

His response, “I can do that.” (And i know he will!)

He then asked, “But truly …What IF you decide you really don’t want to do DD or HoH anymore?” My response was easy, “i know i won’t ever NOT want this….as i’ve missed you and our ways so much in these months. But ‘if’ i ever decide that, we will talk about it when we aren’t dealing with a punishment situation and with level-heads. And we won’t talk about it until after i accept the punishment that i refused. Either way, it won’t happen until we are past that situation and able to talk properly. i am willing to write that down now on paper if need be.” (He said to blog about it…. so i am! lol).

So today – January 6, 2020 – is our anniversary and we have now been married for 19-years. i know the next (however many) years ahead will be WAY better than the last ones because we have a new (permanent!) way of doing things.

A way that works. A way that i’ve learned i need in my life and i need Sir to be the one i do it with. And i’m happy…. again.

And that’s when i got spanked for the original punishment….. for masturbating without permission or approval. I’ll talk more about how that went in the next post!

Hugs,

Marie

42 – Corset on. Bra Off. Check

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Thanks to @Implacable, i was asked if corset/ waist training was still a thing for me, especially given the braless recent rules in place too. So since i haven’t spoke about corset training lately, it made me realize i should.

We have gotten to a place with both corset and bras, that it is working. i’ve accepted both in my mind and body. And this level of submission with these two things has taken a very long time.

When i first started wearing corsets, it has always been understood it would be the under-the-breast kind. (Not sure what that is called). But NOT covering the breasts. So i wore a bra with it too. The point of it hasn’t necessarily been to create a sexy look, but to train the waist to be smaller, to cause the breasts to lift up (stick out) and the same with the ass. If you push the stuff to another place, it will eventually stay there. With training. Consistent and regular training. But it is good to take a break from it because otherwise, those muscles atrophy and you lose the purpose of it. Just like runners train a day (or two) and rest a day (or two), same concept here.

So i wear the corset on Mon-Tues-Wed. And the rest of the week off.

Likewise, i’ve finally convinced Sir to let me wear bras to work (mon-fri 8-5). But since he didn’t really want to compromise at all, we have compromised and said, “if the outfit of the day doesn’t matter, then no bra.” In other words, if i’m wearing something that it would be obvious (colors, shape/ fit), then bra is okay. Otherwise, no bra is expected.

Well, when you wear a corset, you can’t exactly wear a lot that is truly form fitting. Because the laces and fit of the corset will show through. So – Sir said “no bra”. Well, this was the first i’d done that but i reluctantly complied.

i actually found i liked the corset MORE without a bra than with!

That’s because it comes right up under my boobs and stops, right at the place where a bra starts. So the two fabrics coming together right at the same spot sometimes pinched. Or overlapped and stuck out. But when i only had one, it felt better.

Not to mention, my boobs just stuck right out there tall and proud.

But still, you can’t quite tell that THAT’s what’s happening because the outfit isn’t that tight fitting.

i will say i get a LOT of compliments – from women mostly – on days i wear the corset. They can’t figure out ‘why’ i look different, but they know ‘something’ is. They say stuff like, “Have you lost weight? You look great!” And i just say “Not really, but thank you.”. That’s NOT a lie….

i think my waist looks better when i have the corset on and even into Thurs-Fri it holds it’s forced form, but by Sunday it seems to have relaxed.

So more-than-not, i don’t wear a bra and 3 of those days i have a corset on.

i’m learning to like it. It has become a routine that i can rely on. i like being restrained by the corset and left free from the bra. My life is good and it makes Sir happy, which makes me happy!

Hugs,

Marie

41 – DD is like finding the right pair of jeans

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Domestic Discipline is as easy as finding the right pair of jeans that fit.  (that was humor).

It used to be that jeans were basic – Wrangler or Levi, they were blue, and fit was a just a matter of length and waist .  But NOW… they come in every style, shape, color, and fit.

That’s Domestic Discipline.  DD.

If you are considering it, or new to it, i’m here to tell you that every DD relationship is different.  And it takes time to get the right fit.  Our relationship is no different. It also takes constant revisions. It is fluid. Changing.

i expected to have a set of rules —  follow them = good, don’t follow = spanking. And while that’s the basic premise, it isn’t really the way it works in real life. Just like jeans aren’t “just blue”, life isn’t just “black and white”…. DD isn’t “Just good and bad and spankings resulting from the bad” either.

When it comes to jeans, you know when you have a good pair and you stick with it until they are completely worn out. And then you hope you find another pair exactly like it, but alas, they are not for sale anymore. So you have to try to find something similar but hopefully better. And the hunt is on.

i think marriage is a lot like that from the start. You hunt and search for the right person, and then you hunt and search for the right way to make it work.

But just like jeans, it ‘wears out’ or ‘wears off’. What i didn’t realize was that living DD 24/7 is hard. It’s easy to start. And maybe even on a date night or a weekend it is easy too. But when it comes to a full-marriage implementation, it gets hard. It takes complete dedication and discipline -from BOTH of you – to not ‘just relax’ and ‘take a break’ from it.

For example, i’ve been gone from here the last 2 weeks due to having SUPER hard days at work. i won’t go into the details, but i wanted to crawl in bed and NOT go back. At all. Ever. But that’s not realistic (or financially practical). There was a lot of change going on at work, nothing i was in control of, and every day was different in a way i wasn’t prepared for. That left me completely drained when i’d get home.

And cranky.

And Sir didn’t like that. Rightfully so.

But instead of spanking me to get me back on track, he chose to give me space. To let me work it out. i think he did this because he knew the problem wasn’t anything to do with him/ us/ our family, he knew i was trying to be good at home (but was failing). But frankly, being allowed to do what i wanted …… wasn’t what i wanted….. or what i needed. i’m just saying.

But telling him “Spank me” was making me cranky too. i wasn’t sure i having my ass blistered was going to help. So i let it go. But then last weekend, i said, “Something has to give. i have to be reassured you don’t just let me do my own thing anytime i want”. So he spanked me. And it H-U-R-T. My ass hasn’t felt a really bad one for awhile and it bruised. The bruising caused a ‘stinging’ feeling when i sat for the entire rest of the day.

He said we would resume maintenance spankings, which had also faded away (like the blue in your jeans). When i asked what the schedule would be, he said no. He wouldn’t tell me. When i asked why i couldn’t know, he said, “Just like the grass has a maintenance schedule, it doesn’t have to be on the exact same day every week. You just need to know this will happen ‘as needed’ the same the grass gets cut ‘as needed’.”

And just like that …..my jeans are fitting better….. thanks to DD ……

40 – Golf… Topless

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Okay, not R-E-A-L-L-Y topless… but it definitely WAS braless. While Sir didn’t say i HAD to be braless…. i decided to try it. Of my own accord.

David and i play golf together. He taught me how to play when we were dating, almost 20 years ago now. And while i love it, i don’t have much time for it. In fact, for the last several years, i have a multitude of reasons (excuses) not to play. But today, Sir said, “You WILL go play with me and some of my friends.”

He told his friends that he “told” me i was playing.. and frankly, he did. And they laughed and said, “yeah, and she probably likes getting spanked too!”.

How ironic … and little do they know!!! Ha! Maybe Sir told them. i dunno. It’s quite alright if he did. They probably think it’s just a kink. And of course, it is that… but it’s MORE than that. It’s our lifestyle! i somehow think every man dreams of a submissive wife that they can spank, make suck their cock, and get to walk around naked whenever they want….. okay, maybe that’s another post. Back to this one now…..

So the rule in fact for me is officially “no bra unless mon-fri, 8-5” (Work). But a week ago, i wasn’t good and didn’t adhere to that rule and got my bras taken away from me. i couldv’e gotten them back as of yesterday, but i didn’t ask and Sir didn’t offer. So i let it go.

And today, i wanted to ‘see’ what it would look and feel like. So i went braless. (my previous post tells you that if i were in charge, i would have MADE me go braless… check it out!)

Now maybe my boobs are just extra firm or extra in shape or not sensitive – but – it didn’t really seem that much different! Truthfully, i was a bit disappointed! If i’d had on pasties – you’d NEVER have known! (Of course, Sir’s friends probably loved seeing the nipples show through and having NO pasties in place- and i kinda think David did too, which made me love it too!!).

And you may be thinking, “Oh her boobs must be small.” NOPE. 38D is my size. So i’m NOT small. Not ginormous, but definitely NOT small.

So as of yesterday i’ve been without a bra for 7-consecutive days and today makes Day 8.

i’m beginning to think this is going to be my ‘new normal’. And i think that makes Sir happy. i haven’t asked for them back. Not even sure i want them back. Going out of the house braless isn’t even something i really think about now. i ….. “just do it”. (am i supposed to get Nike’s approval to say that? Well… you aren’t paying me, so i’m rolling with it! LOL).

Maybe i DO like braless-ness in the end. i did, then i didn’t, and now i do again. i think the bra is a security blanket of sorts for me. It allowed my breasts (specifically NIPPLES) to hide!

i’m officially braless 24/7 now and frankly, it feels liberating, freeing, and good! i may just adopt this permanently. Maybe there IS something to the “braless movement” afterall. And i wouldn’t have EVER given it a second thought if Sir hadn’t made me.

See – submission really IS a good thing!

(and on another note…. Sir and his friends are rather sassy on the golf course to one another. And since i was with them… i was too . i mean really, ‘when in Rome….’. But Sir noticed and wasn’t entirely impressed. Kept telling me to “Stop with the sass!” So now i’m waiting to see how serious – or remembering/ forgetful – he was! We shall see!).

Hugs ~

Marie

37 – Moment of Truth – how it ended

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So i decided you’ve been in suspense long enough… third post is the lucky charm and i’ll reveal what happened.

But first, let me summarize…..

  • i was suppose to wear a butt plug to sleep. After an hour, i took it out. i told the truth about it, but still, the damage was done.
  • AND – David was out of town – and we have a ‘no bra, outside of 8-5, Mon-Fri’, which i adhere to. Except i didn’t.

THEN – Sir went out of town for 4-days….

(If you want to know more specifics, read the previous two blog posts and you’ll get the full scoop!)

So that’s the current state of affairs. That’s the situation i was coming home to last night. Knowing that while i told the truth, and that did count for ‘something’ at least, it wasn’t with full submission and obedience from the start. (hence, having to admit the truth!).

i got home from work and David was already home. i greeted him and was glad to have him home from out of town. And i went to change out of work clothes. (i already had the bra off because it now comes off AT 5:00, in the car, on the way home!)

But i took off my work pants and grabbed for the shorts when i heard Sir say, “Come in here.” And i knew it was time.

So i left my pants off. i figured the rest of my clothes were coming off too. And i was right.

i cringed hard, but knew it was time to pay the price.

i sat on the bed and he said, “Do you think you deserve punishment?”

To which i readily admitted and said, “yes Sir”.

And he said, “Good, we are in agreement. While I’m happy you admitted the problems readily, there shouldn’t have been problems at all.”

To which I said, “i understand.”

And he said, “turn over”.

And i got into position. i took off the remaining clothes and positioned myself with my feet on the floor, bent over the bed, with my bed and arms tucked underneath my upper body.

And i felt him smack my ass hard with his hand. And he did it again, and again. My butt was feeling quite warm and stinging, but it wasn’t a ‘true hurt’ yet either. He kept going for several minutes. And then he stopped and said, “This is a nice rosy pink color now!”

At that point, he went to get the belt. i felt it smack against my ass and it stung. As he continued to reign down the belt on my ass and i was starting to anticipate the sting, he said, “I understand why you took the plug out but you still should have tried longer than you did. And as for the braless rule – while I know you don’t especially like it, I do! A LOT! And you need to learn to like it and embrace it too!”

i didn’t speak. While i can speak during spankings, it is not expected and i was starting to feel the burn in my ass, so i chose to focus on it instead. As the belt came down many times over, i was starting to get very warm in the butt.

And then he stopped. And he said, “Go get all your bras for me now.”

So i did.

And he said, “I’m going to be keeping these now. You’ll have to ask me for one if you want to wear one and if I feel like giving you one, I will. Otherwise, you will be braless.”

That’s when he said, “Back in position now.” And i laid back down with my ass in the air and arms and body on the bed.

And he took out the paddle. i got 10 very hard spanks with the paddle. After each one, i started to yelp in pain, squirm a lot, and pinch my butt tight in anticipation of the next one.

He said very calmly, “Legs apart and quit clinching.”

And so i did. And it went on.

After 10, he said, “Have you learned your lesson that you should follow orders more readily?”

And i merely said, “yes Sir”.

Then it was complete. He hugged and kissed on me and told me i was a good girl and all is forgiven. And that he loved me. And i know he does, as i love him also!

But now, this week – at home AND at work – i’ve been braless. He said no to bras for work this week. And i’m having to adjust and figure out how to wear clothes to (a conservative office!) for work and not be obvious about my behavior or my looks.

Someone reading this might say, “why does she agree to this?” And the ultimate answer is, “because i love my husband, i love how he is in control of our house, our marriage, and my life. And the fact that there are consequences to my actions is reasonable. It’s really how life works. Consequences for bad decisions, and rewards for good ones. And i accept that. Not to mention, when the punishment is over, so is the transgression. Everything is done and better. The slate wiped clean. So if you really wonder why i do this, i’d actually turn it around and ask you… why don’t YOU?

Hugs,

Marie