Skip to main content

Tag: submission

279 – “You are in charge”

On a whim, we decided to drive up to see our son at his University. It’s Saturday and we didn’t have anything else planned, and neither did our son. We left early, spent the day, and i wrote this now as we are in the car heading home. His University is a 2 1/2 hour drive each way. Not too far, but not too close either.

We are making this trip all in one day.

Our son was happy to see us and we had a good family day. Our son (like most men), wouldn’t actually have admitted that he was lonely and missing us, but as his Momma, i could tell from the way he was talking to me that he was.

We had a good day. My heart is feeling full! (Although almost as instantly, as we leave to go home, a part of me is missing again and i wish i didn’t have to leave him there too! So maybe my heart isn’t “quite” full!!)

Our son really has NO idea of our D/s dynamic at all, which is by design. i suppose he knows i defer to Dad and Dad’s decisions, but he has NO idea of our discipline factor. While in my opinion, it’s good that he knows Dad is in charge and i defer to Dad, our son does NOT need to have a full account of what happens if or when i do NOT properly defer. In other words, our son doesn’t know Dad spanks me.

It’s hard to explain domestic discipline (DD) to grown adults, let alone to an 18-year old kid! i suspect our son would never understand or believe that i truly do consent to being spanked and that this is NOT some warped version of some sort of wife-beating.

David and i tend to have covert comments between us, said in front of our son, that if our son thought about it too much he might figure things out. But i highly doubt it.

As we didn’t have a plan for exactly what we would do, David said early this morning (after we were with our son), “you are in charge today. You can decide what we do.”

Then as i said, “ok Dad, next thing we are going to do is xyz. Let’s go!” David then said, “you are bossy today!”

And i said, “you said i was in charge.”

To which David responded back, “yes, but you can say things in a kinder tone.”

“Why do i need to? If i am in charge….”

“Well, you can do what you want, and use your power the way you see fit, but you may regret that later too.”

Ok, i hear you Sir. i can make decisions but still need to tone it down.

And some time later i heard, “you may have forgotten that you ought to speak a little kinder.”

Another warning. i heeded the warnings and this time, i did tone it down.

i don’t mean to get bossy. i just hate standing around going, “what do you think?”

And then hearing, “I don’t know. What do you think?”

To be followed by, “yah, I’m flexible and I don’t care.”

“And I don’t either.”

“So what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know”

STOP. I WILL DECIDE! This is stupid to go back and forth without moving forward in any way whatsoever!

And that’s when i tend to get bossy.

In my opinion, if you want to be in charge, and make the decisions, i will let you do it every time.

BUT.

When you put me in charge and you don’t want to make decisions…. Then “being bossy” comes with the territory! It’s what you was implied when you said “You are in charge.” To me, that means “you need to decide and just tell us what we need to do.” Aka: bossy!

So. Yes. i got bossy. But not because i necessarily intended to, but instead because of the authority was given to me.

Needless to say, i did manage to simmer down and find a “nice” way to give directions. And we had a great family-together-Saturday today.

i won’t be spanked or disciplined in any way for my bossiness. Yah for me! And we now travel home to see what tomorrow and the coming week holds.

(And i am mostly full of happiness, love, and joy…. But i have to say “mostly” because i had to leave my son behind. i wonder if this leaving part ever gets easier!)

Now i have to sit and stare out of the car front windshield for another 2-hours til we are home…. And to NOT dwell on missing my son already or that my bossy day has come to an end.

Hugs,

Marie

274 – Locktober, Sir’s way.

On Sunday, after we arrived back home from visiting our son, David spared me the spanking. i assumed my fate was sealed, but i was wrong. Thank heaven!

MOST of the time, i crave consistency. i need to know that what he says, he means AND what he means, he says. But this was one time that i really had NO desire to be punished. i mean, i would’ve accepted it, but i didn’t think a punishment was exactly warranted. i was trying to make progress with a bunch of noncommittal people, and i responded with annoyance to David’s questions. (Okay, so when i summarize the whole event like this, it does feel like i needed to be punished. Hmm.).

Well, i wasn’t punished. And i was very grateful.

Instead, we had every desire to relax and enjoy the evening. That’s what we did too. We watched tv for awhile, then went to our bed where David played with me and gave me 2-orgasms. Then he said i could play with myself as much as i wanted. i was shocked. i can’t remember a time where he allowed that!

But after a long weekend AND 2-orgasms already, i was relaxed, comfortable, and getting tired. Of course, i did orgasm one more time though too! (Wink wink!)

There was a time where masturbating right beside David while he read his book would’ve been weird for me. Now, i love it. i have learned to have an open mind, body, and soul for him. What’s mine is his, including the right to see me pleasure myself. And make no mistake, even though he was reading his book, he was also watching me! And i know he enjoyed watching and i enjoyed knowing he was watching too.

It wasn’t long afterward and we fell asleep. i sleep naked. David does not. While i am available to him at all times, he’s not always available to me. That’s ok by me too. In fact, in a very tangible way, it establishes that he is entitled to do as he pleases and i am entitled to also do (only) as he pleases too. Not only do i accept that, but it turns me on. i like submitting and being his in every way.

Then came the morning. i showered and started to dress when the directive came to lock it up.

David was going to play golf and because i had opted to work from home, he didn’t want me home alone to sit and play with myself anymore. It was “time to start Locktober anyway.”

So the chastity belt went on, the lock went shut, and the key went away.

That is how my Monday started. That evening, i (jokingly) asked David if he wanted to produce the key and he said, “uh, no.” with a “that was a dumb question” kinda tone.

Then he added, “you don’t need out yet. You don’t need to orgasm and it’s not the end of October.”

i won’t lie, i like wearing the belt when it’s MY idea and i am my own key holder. As in, i can get out anytime i want. Not too big a fan when i have zero control. But i am learning to accept it with mixed emotions. i WANT to accept it as a submissive wife, but the stubborn independent woman i can be does not like this one bit.

It’s not that i needed out. It was that i had the choice taken away. And while this is exactly how it should be, i didn’t like it. Wisely though, i said nothing out loud.

He reached his hand down between my legs and felt the belt. Sir said, “I could cut myself on those sharp groves. No orgasm for you! I best move my hand away before I hurt myself.” And he started to laugh.

The belt has holes where urine can pass but it is a jagged edge there, on purpose, to avoid any attempts to do anything more. Even though if you wanted to try something, the holes aren’t big enough anyway. Still. Getting a finger caught on the jagged edge would be painful for sure.

i was let out on Tuesday morning to go walking and shower. As soon as that was done, i asked Sir, “should i assume the belt goes back on unless told otherwise?”

i fully expected to hear another response like this was a dumb question and the words, “yes, of course it goes back on,” but to my surprise he said, “No, leave it off.”

i didn’t understand and i wasn’t sure how i felt about it. It felt like a privilege to be out, but also somehow “against the rules” (of Locktober.). And yes, of course i realize how contradictory i am being. First i didn’t want in, and not i don’t want out. i guess most of my issue is about the lack of control…. Physically AND mentally. i have no ability to control the lock on the belt anymore than i can control my anticipation about it also. i can’t even plan for in belt or out of belt.

That’s when i realized David makes his own rules and those are the ones that i follow and that’s the rules that matter! i need to adjust my thinking to just accept his authority and decisions as they come and be prepared for whatever decision he makes at that time, instead of trying to control anything at all, including my mindset.

Not much else was said the rest of Tuesday about the belt, Locktober, or orgasms. Tuesday was uneventful and almost disappointing.

Until this morning when David told me he is going out of town from Thursday (tomorrow) to Sunday, and he fully intends to lock me up. Oh wow. i have not been locked for 4-consecutive days and nights without a break at all.

Now you’d think that this wouldn’t be a big deal. i only last week tried to talk David into the whole month of October, so how is 4-days a big deal?! (Not to mention the fact he is telling me 24-hours in advance, so i have plenty of time to adjust my mindset!). Well….. it shouldn’t be.

But it is.

It is because i had “negotiated” that i could be out for showers and walks and he had said he liked to see me orgasm, so i wouldn’t (probably) be locked in for extended periods. But now, i will be.

While i was processing this, i went to work. i decided to text David, “so do you think i can go the duration without begging to be out of the belt?”

“Nope!”

“Will you give me the key then?”

“Maybe. Depends on what you say is the reason for needing it.”

i continued to ask questions. “What if it’s just because i am cranky and want out, so i want the key?”

“Really?”

“Okay, so i should assume that would be a no?”

“Correct.”

And i continued further…. “What if i get so cranky that i just start to bug the crap out of you to give me the key?”

“Then you’ll regret pissing me off like that.”

Okay, so i should have stopped but i didn’t. “What if i just don’t fully lock the lock? You never check. You just believe me that i did it.”

“Sounds like you are testing me. If I have to lock the lock myself before I leave, I will. But do I have reason to believe you’ll lie to me?!”

“No Sir. i haven’t lied. But i could…. OR …. Instead of being deceitful, i could just refuse to be in the belt and locked up altogether.”

“You could. But you won’t.”

“What makes you so sure i won’t refuse??”

“Because the alternatives to NOT being locked up while I’m gone are probably worse than being locked up.”

“You wouldn’t be that mean to me, Sir. Would you??”

“Wanna try me?”

“Hmm. No Sir. Probably not a wise move on my part.”

“First smart thing you’ve said in most of this conversation. Either way, tomorrow morning, you have a choice to make now… get locked in by me where I’ll check the lock myself, or face the alternative consequences.”

Locktober may not be a constant and consecutive 31-days, but one thing is for sure, i have to learn to cope without having the key or control better! And be prepared for 4-consecutive days about to commence in chastity.

Off to enjoy my last free night for awhile.

Hugs,

Marie

273 – The 50–50–90 Rule

i wrote 99% of this last night… on Saturday. I fell as.eep and didn’t get it finished. So this morning, Sunday, i am finishing it…..

i’m sure many of you remember Andy Rooney: journalist, humorist and a mainstay for years on 60 Minutes. He developed the 50-50-90 Rule: “Anytime you have a 50–50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90 percent probability you’ll get it wrong.”

That pretty well sums up my state of affairs this weekend!

It is currently Saturday night and we have been visiting our son this weekend at his college campus. We are in the hotel tonight, will get breakfast with him in the am, and head back home tomorrow. We should be home around 1-2pm’ish.

The visit has gone well overall. We brought my sister and her son, my nephew with us too.

But.

i have still managed to earn myself a spanking. i think. To be delivered upon arriving back home.

i knew the vey second David was mad. i am pretty sure everyone else was aware too. But instead of yelling or getting into a fight, he texted me.

“Be prepared when you get home”

Not even an explanation of what i needed to be prepared for, as it was understood. Ugh. Of course. But seriously, i think it was unfair! Whatever!

Trouble. i feel like it went looking for me and tripped me when i wasn’t even looking!

So let’s back up to yesterday morning…. Friday. Usually that means maintenance.

We were intending to work a half day and then leave town. So when i asked David if he was intending to deliver a maintenance spanking (i needed to know if i was to Assume The Position or was able to get dressed for the day), he got a devious look about him.

He directed me to sit on his lap. (i was naked). As he spread my legs and started to play with a nipple in one hand and my clit in his other, he said, “when we get home, you’ll either get to enjoy the remainder of the afternoon naked, where we will both get you to orgasm as much as you can. Orrrrrrr. You will have a spanking worthy of you calling ‘red.’ The choice is yours, and you’ll earn one or the other based on your behavior this weekend.”

So i have a 50-50 chance, with a 90% probability of getting it wrong!

He finished with, “but make no mistake, we will lock you up for the rest of October as soon as orgasm or spanking is complete.”

With those words complete and his fingers never slowing their assault on my exposed clit, i was begging to orgasm as he got me so worked up so very quickly! His response was a shrug and a “ok…. I guess you can….” followed by a slight laugh.

The water works let open and the orgasm flowed through! And it was amazing too!

That was all yesterday, on Friday. i didn’t do great yesterday, but i wasn’t in trouble either. David said i was “entirely too bossy.” i heard that more than once too.

i didn’t mean to be bossy but no one was making any decisions or even making suggestions. So i did.

i have found that in a group of people, if someone steps up and leads, i am good. And when there’s a lot of people in a group with everyone being noncommittal, then it irritates me and i step up and decide. i mean, when someone asks you an opinion, why don’t you answer?!

For example, “where do you want to eat lunch?” Crickets. No response. Did you hear me? Should i repeat myself? Are you thinking of an answer? Anyone home?!? Helloooooooooooo????

That’s when the options get listed out. You can pick from x, y, or z. Crickets. STILL. Seriously? At least say, “I don’t care.” But NO answer at all is just rude, in my opinion.

Yesterday morning, no one was deciding much of anything. So i got irritated, but that only happened after David started out walking towards an entire street of restaurants. It was not terribly loud outside, but traffic and street noise, combined with being in a (bit) of a spread out line/spacing, made it difficult to talk much at all too. i assumed he had a plan and we were all following, which was fine.

Suddenly he stopped, let us close the gap and said, “where do you want to go?” Seriously?! You are going to ask us now after we are nearly somewhere?! We all assumed you had a plan. And NO ONE responded!

Our son had already previously declared his only need was that he “just wants coffee!” and no one had responded then either for any other thing.

So in my best NON-irritated voice yet rather loudly to speak above the noise of the street and cars, i said, “just make a decision. No one seems to care.”

He took that as me being TOO bossy by telling him what to do, yelling at him as my voice was raised, and the second i said it, i knew. Ughhhhhh. i was honestly trying NOT to be bossy.

But damn it… no one, including David was deciding anything. Why take off walking, in the lead position, with us all following for you to just stop and ask where we want to go!? Don’t you already have a plan?! But even if you don’t, no one else is responding… implying they either don’t care or don’t want to say, either way…. YOU need to just decide already!!!

After i spoke, he cocked his head, folded his arms, raised his eyebrows, and slowly nodded his head. He said nothing out loud. If he had spoken, i suspect his words would have been something like, “Alright. So THAT’s how you want to play this?! And how you want to speak to me?! I don’t have to yell. We have a better solution for this. And you already knew your two options for our arrival home. I guess you made your choice.”

Great. Justttttt great! Whatever. It is what it is. i didn’t think this was fair, but okay, fine.

i tried to take opportunities throughout the rest of the day to talk to David about this, but with others around us all day, it was a challenge. i did get to plead my case and tell him what happened. He never quite conceded but he did say, “I haven’t decided yet (if I agree with you or think your behavior should be excused) if I’ll spank you or not. Ut don’t give me anymore reason either!”

So i have a chance of escaping a “spanking worthy of (me) calling out RED.”

(In case you aren’t already aware, we have safe words where i call ‘yellow’ to say, “please slow down, i can’t take much more.” And red for, “stop right now, i am done.” It is fully understood that i use the safe words quite sparingly and their use will never be abused (by me). i am to accept discipline and never refuse, as this is our lifestyle and agreement, but… on rare occasions, if David doesn’t read my body language well enough to know i am at my very limits, i have safe words. To date, i have called yellow about 2-3 times and never used red.)

At this moment, I think it is 50/50 chance to orgasm or to be spanked. Either way, in about 24-mor hours, we will begin Locktober too. i pray it starts with pleasure and not pain!!

But… the weekend isn’t over and i have a 90% chance of getting it wrong still too!

Hugs,

Marie

272 – God sent me a Sign

You either laugh or you cry. i chose to laugh. Seriously, i didn’t cry.

Today started out like any ordinary Thursday day, until it wasn’t. i had a lot to accomplish at work, so i was out of the house a bit earlier than usual. i got to the office, settled in, and started digging in.

About 10:00am, i was in the midst of checking one of the three big tasks i needed to accomplish off my list. As this client is old school paper-people, i printed everything out, got it organized, and was putting it in the drawer for them to come pick up.

That’s when things went awry.

i opened the drawer to the file cabinet and the motion of the drawer must’ve been just enough to unsettle the wooden sign (in the picture above). The motion caused the sign to come crashing down from its spot atop of the file cabinet.

Now that wooden sign has sat on top of this cabinet for about 4-years without ever moving at all. Suddenly, it came down, landing on my forehead, causing a 1-inch cut on my head.

Well everyone in the office heard it and came to my rescue asking me if i was okay and tending to me. After i put my hand to my head and it came away very bloody, and then the blood started streaming down like a faucet left open, they declared that “NO, i was definitely NOT ok!”

Head wounds bleed…and bleed… and bleed. AND BLEED!

A 1-inch cut caused 3-paper towels to be soaked, along with my neck, arm, shirt, some on my pants and even on my shoes and the carpet. It looked like a small massacre had happened!

So off to the ER they whisked me away. Because the gash was on my head, they all got concerned about me having a concussion and making sure i didn’t pass out or go to sleep.

Meanwhile, i am in shock. NOT from the trauma or the pain, but actually the lack of it! When the wooden sign hit my head, it felt like it does when you (say) walk into the wall or when a tall person’s head doesn’t clear the door frame. Yes, it hurt, but nothing that sends you to the ER. i genuinely thought it was just a bump.

When my hand was all bloody i was quite surprised. i mean, it did hurt, but in a “that’s gonna leave a nasty bruise” kinda way. Not in a “OMG get to the car! We gotta get you to the ER before you bleed out!” kinda way.

Of course, my co-workers assumed i was in shock from the pain and thought i was delirious. When in reality, i was trying to make sense of it all. i was thinking, “Really? My head has a cut and this blood is flowing out? It feels like a bad bump. Why isn’t this hurting more for the amount of blood?”

i have decided the ER is a strange place.

You go screaming out of your house, down the road, driving there as fast as possible…. Only to arrive and to sit….and wait. And wait. AND WAIT!

i walked in with bloody clothes, bloody hand, and holding a bloody towel on my head for them to say, “please have a seat. We will be with you as soon as we can.” Glad i didn’t bleed out in the waiting room!

And i was then put into the hospital-ER-station-assembly-line process.

First into the triage nurse. He cleans up the wound, throws away my bloody towels, and proudly says, “I don’t see an opening. I’m not too sure there’s much of a problem.”

To which i replied, “well the blood didn’t get to the outside of my body without an opening somewhere.”

i don’t think he appreciated my comments, but he didn’t respond either.

Then to the next station, where another nurse tells me “oh this looks bad. We need to order a head CT to check for a concussion and you are going to need stitches!”

To which i replied, “oh yah? You can see an opening? My head has a hole to which my blood is spilling out of?!”

She didn’t understand the questions and started to explain herself, but i cut her off and explained my comments. i don’t think she liked my explanation.

Then the next station’s nurse started asking me questions about my pain level. “On a scale of 1-10, rate how bad the pain is.”

i must’ve paused too long thinking about how this isn’t hurting as badly as i think it should, but it’s definitely hurting more than it was before. Maybe the adrenaline is wearing off now, causing it to hurt more, but still not terrible so maybe this wound just isn’t that bad either. i mean, it felt like a bad migraine at this point and it was hurting in ways i wouldn’t have expected… like at the base of my neck on the back side. Maybe i do have a concussion after all. But i have definitely had worse pain too.

Well i guess the exaggerated pause caused the nurse to repeat her question giving clarity to her scale measurements. i finally just said “5 or 6. i guess.”

Finally several more stations later for a CT that the results showed i do not have internal bleeding and no brain swell, and another station to add 3-stitches on my forehead which is quite visible for anyone to see for a whole week, and finally an insurance and discharge stations too….

i had officially spent 3-hours of my life, that i will never get back, in the ER and finally told i am able to go home.

My sister then said, “you must’ve asked God for a sign. He sent you one!” yes, yes he did!

And my nephew said, “I think the sign came off it’s hinges.” yes, the sign does have hinges that came undone.

And when we got home, my husband said, “maintenance will be interesting tomorrow.”

Wait, what?

“Sir, i am glad you offered, but i think i will pass. It might hurt my head.” And i laughed.

He shrugged. Then he made a point to say, “I’ve never hit your head, you managed to do that today all on your own.” Or by falling signs from God.

An hour later, “can i orgasm tonight? Will you touch me please Sir?”

“Oh no, you definitely can not. That will most certainly hurt your head.”

Wait, what?

“It won’t hurt my head. It has nothing to do with that area.”

“Yeah, well, neither does maintenance.” And it was Sir’s turn to laugh.

i said, “but it’s been awhile since i last orgasmed, pleaseeeee Sir.”

To which he said, “Then just wait till you have to wait for the end of October to come. Just think how long that will be! October is going to be a very long month, isn’t it?!”

Wait, what?

“Starting this weekend, after we are home from visiting our son, even though it will technically be Oct 2nd, we will start locking you up for October. This will be fun!”

Oh my. Locktober sounded great, until it didn’t. What was i thinking?

“Will i get to orgasm before Sunday then Sir?”

I don’t know, I haven’t decided yet.”

My “sign” from God today was pretty thick, made of some solid wood. It didn’t quite get through my thick skull, but it sure tried.

Hope it doesn’t hurt much tomorrow… the site of the wound or my rear with Friday Maintenance!!

Praise God it wasn’t a deeper or more troublesome wound… in the hallway.. or in the ER!

Hugs,

Marie

271 – Locktober is not cuming!


If you’ve never heard of it, it is a single mashed-up word that means “Locked (in chastity and denied orgasms) during the entire month of October.” Or some combination thereof.

Locked in Chastity for a solid month is not for someone just starting out. You don’t just buy a belt (or a cock cage), put it on, lock it up, and forget about it for a month.

In fact, for women especially, it’s important to take a break for hygiene for at least a few minutes pretty regularly. As well for both sexes, it’s also a good time to clean the belt thoroughly and inspect for any skin irritants with treatments if needed.

But i kinda want to try it. i can tell that i want – maybe even NEED – to have lock and denial for an extended time frame.

So i mentioned it to David this past week. His first reaction was “uhhh. No!”

Ugh! Ok, scratch the “need” part as it seems that ain’t gonna happen! i won’t lie, i got a little deflated but i didn’t complain.

i did ask him to elaborate where he said, “you’d never last a month! But even if you did, I wouldn’t!”

i must have had a look on my face that expressed my thoughts which were, “why do you think i would never last…. And just because i don’t get release or orgasm, wouldn’t mean you wouldn’t get to.”

He said, “I like it when you are happy as you earn an orgasm. Besides, I like to watch you when you actually orgasm. And I like to be the one allowing you to orgasm.”

“Oh. You do? You like to watch me orgasm? That brings you pleasure?”

“Yes”

Oh wow. i never knew. Okay, interesting!

So after i let all that information sit for a series of minutes, i decided to ask David if he’d consider a modified Locktober.

When he inquired what i may have in mind, i said, “how about i am locked for the duration, unless you use this (your!) pussy for your pleasure. And if you allow me to orgasm, so be it. But if you decide to just play with it and not allow it to cum, that’s ok too. And except for you playing with my pussy or for hygiene or for walking/exercising, i am locked up.

Additionally, there would be no masturbation of any kind. No assumption of release until Nov 1, and no reason to ask or talk about it otherwise.”

He is still thinking on this.

His main response was, “when will the new belt arrive?” To which i have no exact time yet, but i have been given assurance from the Fancy Steel team that it will be shipping very soon. He listened but did not respond. He looked as if he was going to consider this, proposal. And while i don’t know his answer yet, i think he will say yes.

Why would i want to participate in this?

For several reasons actually…… here’s my thoughts:

1) Deeper submission. Any time i have a task at hand with a goal to accomplish, it gives me an incentive. Incentives to comply and to be a better submissive is always a positive “carrot instead of the stick” type of way to do things.

2) Challenging. This task would be a huge challenge. While i have had some practice now with the CB, going (mostly) locked for a full 31-days would be huge. It would be a big accomplishment if i were able to do this without (begging for!) release!

3) Unknown if/when O denial. If we do this modified version of Locktober, i may or may not get to orgasm. i would have incentive to want to do well in hopes of, but no guarantee of, gaining an O. Extended denial usually is a good thing for me, and makes me want to be better to get to that reward. i don’t know what would happen if i KNEW there was NO way to get one for an entire month (for sure).

4) i like my chastity belt. My belt fits quite nicely. It keeps me from masturbation of any kind. It gives me a “You are not allowed to touch! This is not your property!” type of mentality. Even when it first comes off, i usually still retain this mindset, at least for a little while anyway.

i feel safe in my belt. While it does keep me physically safe, i mean this is more in relation to the mental aspect. i know my belt keeps me safe from myself and keeps me from being bad.

5). My new belt should be here soon. Locktober could make for a nice introduction for me and my new belt to become up close and personal friends.

i could go on ….. but i hope i am headed for Locktober, even if it’s a modified version to meet David’s needs and desires along with mine, where i could tell you more as i experience it too! And if we don’t do Locktober, that’s all good too because then i have some level of assurances that i get to cum sooner than later!

And…. Well… it seems to be a “thing” that lotsssss of people around the world do, and now i could be apart of this once-a-year activity!

i have about 3-days left in September and we shall see what Sir decides! (and i should mention i am currently locked as i write all this! Interesting that i want more!)