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Tag: submission

93 – We have a Plan B.

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Plan A: i don’t have many rules. But the ones i do have are supposed to be solid and respected. The rule i can’t get through my head and to adhere (totally) to is self-imposed chastity. i am not allowed to touch myself or orgasm without permission.

The problem: i am wayyyy too tempted.

The solution: Chastity belt.

But that created a secondary problem. For me to have my access limited, also limits Sir’s access!

i have quickly figured out that David likes his “easy access” …. hence no panties rule. And while he’s never required dresses/ skirts, he most definitely prefers them too! While i’ve always known this about him, i wasn’t too sure which was more important….. my lack of access or his ability to have it. And it seemed impossible to serve both.

We weren’t sure exactly how chastity would ultimately fit into our lives. David was clear he didn’t want it to be indefinitely but otherwise, nothing was set.

It was a bit unclear, i think to both of us, how it could be effectively used but NOT be indefinite too.

So how does chastity keep me from access while allowing him access? THAT was the ultimate, underlying question.

Insert: Plan B!

And as of today…. we have a solution! The a plan B solution will work!

i have realized for awhile now that i get most turned on in the mornings. i wake up thinking about sex. And then i shower – touching and fondling my breasts, my pussy, and my ass to clean it, then get out and dry them off, and then see them in the mirror – and it all causes the arousal to grow even more intense!

While i never say no to sex or his access when he wants it, i really don’t feel naturally horny most any other time of the day. And while i know i have to ask permission to masturbate and cum, by the time i am ready to ask, David is typically on his way out the door. So frequently i end up asking via text after he’s already gone too!

Well, about a month ago, he said, “if you don’t ask in person, in words, out loud, to my face…. the answer is no. You don’t get to be a wimp and hide behind your phone.”

And i more or less shrugged that off and ignored it. And have kept asking. Yesterday though, he put his foot down and said, “I told you no more texting. I meant it!”

So we were talking about this. And have come up with an acceptable solution……..

Instead of me waking up to a cup of coffee on the couch, i will now wake up and go straight to the shower. And by doing this straight away, Sir will still be home of course.

When i am done, if i ask (in person and out loud), and the answer is yes – then great. i get to cum!

But if i ask and the answer is NO – i go into chastity right then and there. And it lasts until evening when i return from work …or whenever David ultimately decides …. which could be even longer if he wants to.

But knowing that i am aroused and want to touch myself – and he is needing to leave the house – leaves too much temptation to touch without permission.

And i won’t deny, i have been known to do it without permission. Because the temptation is simply overwhelming and i feel like i just NEED it, i do sometimes TAKE it.

But if i am locked right away, i would would then get dressed and ready for work without being tempted to make bad decisions that i have already been told no to.

And if he wants to unlock me when i get home, he will then gain the easy access he desires.

While technically i could touch and play with myself in the shower, when he unlocks me, and overnight …. i never do. That’s not when i experience the most temptations.

The shower is the trigger to the arousal, but i never finish standing up in the shower by myself. And i am never tempted when first home because i am tired and unwinding from work, preparing for dinner, etc. then we watch tv, do family things, and by the time i lay my head down, i fall asleep pretty quickly!

So the biggest risk is for me in the morning, after Sir leaves, and i am left alone. With myself. To play.

And this solution limits that temptation while allowing him the access he desires.

Now i am fully aware that i should be able to refrain and to control myself. And most days, i can. So Plan A works! But not all days so THIS is the perfect solution…. to take away the temptation altogether! So Plan B will work when Plan A fails!

So honestly….. i love the solution!

We will start this tomorrow. i wonder if tomorrow i’ll get to play or be locked up! But i feel like i will be asking…. because i haven’t been able to ask for several days now … in person.

What’s your bet? Will tomorrow morning hold orgasm or chastity? My bet? i think it’s 50/50 odds here and i don’t like those odds enough to bet on it! But i’ll be ready for both!

Hugs,

Marie

91 – what does it feel like?

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i get asked this question a lot….. with many things….. and of course, most recently with the chastity. But previously with getting nipples pierced. And frequently and quite regularly with spanking. And always with submission-in-general.

With the exception of the “submission,” i don’t think the question is aimed at asking how i feel emotionally, but rather how does it feel physically.

i suppose much of how i write is more about the emotional than the physical, but even then, sometimes it’s more from an objective standpoint than a “me” standpoint. For example, “i received a harsh spanking but i did xyz…”. That statement is rather objective and i don’t exactly say how it felt… either physical or emotional.

So i guess i can appreciate why i get asked to describe more of the feeling of things. So i’ll describe the physical AND the emotional FEELING…..

So i’ll just start with……..

CHASTITY….

Physical:

First off, i want to make it clear that it does NOT hurt. At all.

It is (somewhat) uncomfortable as it is tight and unforgiving in the restriction it imposed. But that’s the whole idea and how it’s supposed to be too!

Because it is steel, it moves as one full unit. Meaning, if you press on the back, the front moves and the same with side to side too.

i can’t get into or out of it by myself. Because it is metal, it is stiff. And all 3 of the prongs/parts have to come together and held in place, while the lock is put on. And logistically, it takes 2-hands to hold it in place and one more to apply the lock. Oh probably after some effort, i suppose i could get it on and off by myself but it wouldn’t be easy.

i suppose the difficulty comes from it being so tight. But if it weren’t so tight though, it wouldn’t do what it is supposed to: restrict access.

Now don’t misunderstand, it’s not so tight that i can’t breath, move, walk, or talk. It’s not those things, remember i already said, “it does NOT hurt.”

It does restrict access, specifically to my clit and any penetration of my puss. i suppose if i suck in air and my stomach with it, i could get my fingers between the metal and my clit. But as soon as i breath out, it would squeeze my fingers and likely cause pain. So trying to do that long enough to achieve orgasm is NOT likely!

Sir has frequently told me i touch myself way too much and i needed to control it. But …. the temptation has been too great for far too long.

In fact, touching myself without permission was the reason for a spanking gone wrong. Admittedly, i don’t touch my breasts or ass, so this is truly achieving what he wants….. controlling my ability to touch, pleasure, or orgasm without permission.

Going to the bathroom is a bit strange. i lift my dress and sit down. Because the Chastity is stainless steel and designed for 24/7 use, there is a hole in the back for poo and a grate in the front for pee. But sitting down on the toilet with the equivalent of (hard, tight, metal) panties still on and to relax enough to pee is a bit of a mental game for sure. But it does work really easily after i relax. The biggest challenge is wiping… the metal first, the sides next, and then the back. And when i don’t do it well enough, it drips down my leg. It takes a lot more time but it seems to be working.

i haven’t taken a shower with it on so i have no idea about that……

Mentally:

The chastity belt is a constant reminder that my body isn’t mine to control.

It’s kinda strange to put my hand in front of me and feel hard metal instead of soft skin, but again, a very constant and continual reminder that i should not be pleasuring myself at all. So it is both simultaneously (mentally) stimulating AND forcing me to think about other things too.

Typically when our son isn’t around and i have no panties on, i find ways to lower my puss onto Sir’s knee and seductively ask, “you want to touch it? You want to make it cum?”

But not today. Today, locked in chastity, we have talked about very non-seductive things…. tv shows, plans for dinner, what work holds this week, craft projects i have in the works, etc.

i have always loved enticing David to touch me and hoping that it was making him happy.

But in a lot of ways, i can see now (while in chastity) that those “enticements” were me putting suggestions in David’s head and it was ultimately about ME. It was me telling myself i was being submissive, because i ultimately gave him the choice to touch me or not. But that wasn’t really true, was it?

TODAY…..

Today i have been in chastity since getting out of the shower at 8:00 am and it is now approaching bed time ….more than 12-consecutive-hours.

Day 1 was only a few hours, yesterday.

Day 2 has been a very long time, today.

Even after all these hours, what i wrote above is true…. it doesn’t hurt, but a bit uncomfortable, not so unbearable i want it off. And the longer it goes, the more i am submissive in my mindset too!

Earlier in the afternoon, Sir did reach up and put his hand under my dress and tease the sides of my labia with his hand and said, “too bad you are all covered up and not possible to play with! I might’ve let you cum!”

i said, “if you want me to take it off, i can…..” (although as noted above, i probably can’t really get out of it on my own…..A-N-D……. i am NOT the one who holds the key anyway!!)

He said, “Noooooooo……If I wanted you out, I’d get you out! There’s no reason to get you out.”

And he walked away.

Later in the afternoon, Sir told me to do something and i immediately responded with, “but that’s not right…. blah blah”

And he cut me off and said, “Marie! You need to listen to me!” i immediately responded with, “i’m sorry Sir” and wished i wasn’t so quick to have responded.

He looked at me and smiled saying, “do you feel sufficiently chastised??”

i responded with, “oh yes, most definitely!”

He knew the double meaning when he used the word “chastised” and it was intentional! We both laughed.

Then as i was dressing for bed, Sir said, “you have a choice…. sleep with it in or take it off and get to cum.”

i cringed. i don’t like these types of choices. i don’t know what the “right” answer is. And i told him so.

He said, “There’s no right or wrong answer. I want to see how you’ll respond. Do what you want here.”

And i asked to be unlocked.

And to cum.

And i got it! At his hand. Not mine.

So i’m not sure how much i’ll ultimately wear it …. in any given day or how many days in general. Sir has made it clear it won’t be worn “permanently,” or “indefinitely”, but now today after having been in chastity all day, i can see the benefits of it and would willingly submit both my body and my mind to it regularly!

Maybe i’ll get to wear it overnight someday ….. and test my ultimate endurance….. but even then, i am NOT in control…. of anything. And it is VERY obvious to me while i AM in chastity!

The rest of the topics?!? Well… that will make good blog topics in the next few days. So, i’ll just end this here…..

While i’m unclear about the ultimate plan, i am happy to not know and to just submit!

Hugs,

Marie

90 – My Shiny New Toy

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The chastity belt is seemingly something that David thinks is good…. and seems to be Christmas in July for me!

While David wasn’t happy that i can’t keep my hands off my clit (causing the need for the belt), the chastity was really my idea as a solution. So i did the research, found one and ordered it. Of course, he didn’t argue or disagree, and ultimately i got his approval prior to ordering it…. so he clearly approves the idea of it.

But then…. my mind is my own worst enemy…. i wasn’t too sure when he saw it what he’d actually think. And whether this was one of MY ideas, and NOT being very submissive at all was a question in my own mind.

i guess i am one who needs reassurance. A lot of it. And when he didn’t say much about it, i just wasn’t too sure either. And i started to doubt.

But now as the day has gone on, i can tell he does like it. He told me he “liked snapping the lock in place and knowing (he) has complete control, especially when we are apart.”

Then i sent him some pictures. And he responded with “love that!”

Just now i asked him “do you have a plan for when you will release me?”

And he said, “the 31st”….. which is 2-weeks from now. i truly think he was kidding, but maybe that’s just me kidding myself.

i did say that if “you have me in it that long, you may as just make it a permanent thing.” To which he responded with, “hmmmm”.

So maybe i’ll be in it for awhile, or maybe no time at all….. i just don’t know.

But my doubt has subsided too!

And a few hours later…..

He released me. To which i was glad because the chafing did indeed start. i could tell some adjustments were needed.

In doing research, i found a lot of belts priced from $150’ish to (quite literally) $1,000+. The $150 are made in China, and like everything there, it’s made on the cheap. The $1,000+ are custom made with lotssssss of tailoring specific measurements.

The China ones are considered to be “starter” ones, and that’s what i got. So while there’s a lot of places to adjust the fit, ultimately, it is made on the cheap and (likely) to cause chafing somewhere/sometime.

So while i made adjustments and will just take time to adjust to, David definitely decided i will wear it again but not 24/7 either.

My thoughts on chastity….

To be honest, though….. i’d kinda like to try wearing it full time. i’d like to have it put back on, the key taken away, and when i want out it has to be asked for and (clearly) approved.

Why? Well, when i had it on, it was a solid (pun intended – get it – metal is solid?!? 😂🤣) reminder that i AM submissive.

And as a submissive – i am NOT in control. And i do NOT hold the key! In fact, i (literally and figuratively!) gave that key to my Sir. And not being able to touch the most private parts of myself without permission and being allowed, feels like the ultimate submission for me.

But David disagrees. And he does not want me to wear it full time. i am a bit disappointed that’s how he feels, but he DID decide this. So as such, i need to respect and appreciate and be happy in that decision! He is my Sir and i am his submissive. And no matter what he decides about anything, even though i have the ability to share my opinions (and trust me, i do!) when his opinion is one i don’t agree with, i have to respect and abide by it in the end.

Maybe this chastity thing is just my newest shiniest toy and i need to recognize thats “all” it is or might be!

So i did not sleep in chastity.

Now today….. Sunday….

Even with David saying no to full-time, with these adjustments in place, i am back in chastity now as i type this.

Going to church on this Sunday morn.

And let’s do a check –

Bra – nope.

Steel panties – yep!

i’ll just have to see how long this goes today. i kinda hope a longgggg time. Maybe overnight and into tomorrow! 😉

Hugs,

Marie

Day 13: My Submissiveness

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Day 13: KINK APPEAL…Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

i am drawn to submission. And my husband is drawn to control. So it’s a good fit!

And why am i drawn to it? It a very simple……Because it makes my husband happy, which makes me happy.

i mean seriously… does there have to be more?

Seriously. Why wouldn’t every woman set out to have a happy husband?! If you love your husband, you WANT him to be happy! Right?!

Ok, so there might be more to it too…. like the ability to let go, let someone else, to not worry, to not have to make decisions, to go with the flow, to not be in control ALL the time… or none of the time!

And… i am also into Domestic Discipline. Or said more plainly, “spanking”.

Why?

Because when the first kinky thing (my submission, his Domination) fails, there has to be consequences!

So if you are wondering “why does there HAVE to be consequences?”

Well that’s simple. EVERYTHING has consequences. At least every decision does. Maybe it’s not a significant consequence, but there definitely is one.

What do i mean? Well, ok, let’s talk specific examples……

You decide to run the red light… you could get a ticket from the cop who saw it, you could get into a car accident, or maybe you got away with it… but your conscience knows, you didn’t make a good choice.

OR….

You decide to stop at the red light…. and the car behind you doesn’t stop so you are still in an accident, or maybe not that bad but simply that sitting at the light just causes you to get to work late and now you have to explain to the boss why you are late.

Life is full of alternative choices .. or… consequences.

So WHY wouldn’t a relationship also have consequences?

If i upset David, or i don’t do as i should or as he’d expect, i get in trouble. And before DD, it would just mean a huge-ass fight (!!!!) but now….. it results in his arm muscles getting stronger as he perfects the swing of the paddle as it collides with my bare ass.

And i accept it. Willingly.

That’s what i’m into and why it appeals to me. ❤️

Hugs,

Marie

87 – Got my wish

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Sir used me in a way that pleased us both!

And i didn’t say a word to him. i just decided to trust him and be happy in it. No matter what came of it…. or didn’t. And he allowed me to orgasm over and over.

(Thank you D for your comments… it made me think about trust, about letting him be in control, and about the sub mindset…. and i appreciated it so very much!)

i’m very pleasantly happy as i go to sleep!

Hugs,

Marie