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Tag: marriage

203 – It’s officially NO-orgasm-vember!

Sometimes i play mind/DOM games with myself. In times when i am feeling particularly submissive but David is not quite as “DOM” as i particularly feel is needed, i play games with myself.

When i become “needy”…. i NEED a lot more domination and i need to have my full submission required… and tested.

That’s when i start the mind games with myself.

In some ways, and maybe in some people’s minds, this isn’t exactly appropriate to “play with myself.” After all, i should rely on David to know what’s best… for both of us. i admit, that is true. But i am still needy. And when i try to ignore my (extreme) need to be dominated, it tends to cause angst and distress…. Which leads to trouble. So instead of bothering him, i decide to play games with myself. Nothing (usually) that is against the rules, just amping it up a notch is all. (i know…..justification…. But.. still!)

i decided yesterday that i need to be reminded for the rest of the month of NO-vember (or at least until my birthday on the 25th), that my sexual pleasure is not up to me. i sometimes need to be reminded that my sexual neediness is not appropriate as i am supposed to be needy for him and not for me!

So …. i decided to deny myself any (ultimate) sexual pleasure but to tease myself a LOT for the rest of the month! i decided every day i will edge myself first thing in the morning. Then i will wear something to work every day under my clothes – rotating between an Anal plug, chastity belt, and pussy dildo. This would happen every-single-day, as a physical reminder to be submissive ALL day EVERY day. When i have sexual reminders, it carries from my sexual, to the physical, to my mind, where i say (and do) things more respectful, more kind, and less aggressive too.

My ultimate intent is that this will make me more sexually needy for Sir, while denying myself simple (and easy!) pleasures.

What i didn’t count on (or even think about) was that David may want to pleasure me for his pleasure…. Especially so soon.

Wouldn’t you know … 24-hours after i started this….. i had to tell him.

i was standing naked, in our closet after edging myself, deciding what to wear for the day, when he came in. He tweaked my nipple while asking me if i wanted a reward for being a good girl.

Of course i wanted that! But i had JUST edged and told myself to be a good girl and STOP. Literally stop. So i didn’t go over the edge, but also stop being so needy. And to prepare for a plug for the day. i was officially in my own submissive mind!

So while i didn’t intent to… i hesitated in my response. i hesitated too long and he heard the pause. He also saw the conflict in my eyes. And he said, “what?”

So i told him.

i said, “i don’t think i need to orgasm for the rest of NO-vember … or at least until my birthday. i think i have been too needy lately, so i thought i would deny myself that pleasure while not bothering you. But if you want to give it, then i will take it!”

Well …. He smiled and said, “huh. Well. Sounds reasonable. Lay on the bed anyway.”

He put his head between my legs and proceeded to lick his pussy until it was very-very-VERY needy. And then he stopped. He said, “I like your thinking. So in keeping with NO-vember, that’s enough.”

i was begging him for release. i said, “Please don’t stop Sir!” He smiled and said, “well, I have to say NO. After all, it is NO-vember!”

He lifted himself up where we were face to face. He was fully clothed as i was naked, and i tried rubbing against his pants with my needy pussy in hopes i’d be suggesting he should get naked too. Instead, he said, “DO NOT cum!” And lifted himself and then me off the bed, gave my ass a good smack and said, “now go dress for work already.”

So with a plug in my ass, i was off to work. Tomorrow it will be chastity, and the next an inflatable dildo in my needy pussy. Maybe it will stop being needy … but i kinda doubt it!

i suppose my mind games just got real for both of us. And now my birthday should be explosive!

Hugs,

Marie

202 – Types of Spankings

While a spanking is just what it sounds like, there are still different types and each type is used for a different purpose.

i want to talk about each one now and how we use them in our relationship dynamic.

In general though: ALL SPANKINGS HURT.

Honestly, that’s the point. They wouldn’t be worth doing at ALL if they didn’t. i am always walking away from a spanking with a sore butt. How sore or for how long it’s sore is what changes.

And each type serves a different ultimate purpose too. So again, they all hurt, but depending on the goal, it may be a little hurt or a lotta hurt.

So with that – i will talk about the types in terms of least hurt to most hurt….

1) Sexy fun. Most of the time, when sex is involved, the spanking is the least important part, causing it to be the least painful of all spankings.

This is typically the fun, smack-you-on-the-ass and inspire one another to have a better sex scene in the process.

Mostly this spanking is not on that is a “you are here to be spanked” event, but rather “you are here to be fucked – oh, and I’m going to spank you too.”

Sometimes after these, i don’t feel any pain what do ever. It was a sting in the moment and all done with that, and on to the good part!

2) Stress relief. For me OR Him. Frequently i come home stressed out. And when i do, it results in me being cranky, sometimes rude, and short tempered overall.

David usually doesn’t stand for this long. It can go on a day or two before he acts, depending on the circumstances but rarely does it go longer. That’s when he says “the stress….and attitude… will stop now. Go assume the position.”

These are more intentional than the sex spanks, and can be one of the longest types of spanking. Sir starts out with the warm-up-the-butt to get the blood flowing and from there smack! When there are warm up spanks, the blood is flowing better to the area and your bottom responds better to the harder smacks.

As such, the ultimate result is effective! The stress tends to subside, along with my attitude. Primarily because it immediately gives me something else to focus on.

These vary in length, but generally are enough to turn my ass red. And i usually feel it for the remainder of the day.

3) Friday maintenance. These hurt. Yes, i know i said they all hurt, and they do. But of the types spoken about so far, this is the first one that i would say i usually respect, always accept, but NEVER want.

i’d probably say these are most understood by people who don’t practice it, both in and out of the DD lifestyle. The purpose is to reinforce the good. A lot of people ask, “why spank if it ain’t broke?” Well, it’s a physical, tangible reminder of what could be a lot worse (punishment) if things were indeed broken.

The words, “it could be a lot worse” are key. It’s a sample of something that could be a lot worse! And when that sample proves to be enough to instill the thoughts of, “if THIS is maintenance, i do NOT want to go to the full-on spanking!” And it causes me to rethink my behavior, and act right before it does become broken!

Maintenance spankings usually cause me to get back on track in a hurry! They have never made me cry, but i won’t lie, it has been close a few times too. They don’t usually have the warm-up-spanks as they are intended to hurt more. It can be anywhere grim 5-25’ish swats, where most are delivered with intention. They always make my ass sting and turn red, with bruising on occasion. And it always hurts the rest of the day, sometimes into the next day too.

Most of the time, our maintenance is scheduled. But sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes it is impromptu. When this happens, it’s because my behavior is not quite bad enough for a full spanking, but definitely not to be ignored and a warning isn’t enough either.

But it always hurts. Because ALL spankings do.

And it’s effective in (usually) avoiding the BIG one!

4) Discipline. Grand daddy of all! Ok, these are just down right painful. By design. They hurt. A lot. Always.

These are for the express purpose of correcting a wrong. These are the ones everyone thinks about when they think about spankings.

These are the ones that “make you remorseful for your actions” type. The kind that usually make me cry, my bottom hurt for a longgggg time, and i regret those bad decisions. Immediately.

They are extremely effective. And they temper the bad behavior, cause me to wish i had never done it, and (try) to never do it again.

i have landed myself here only a handful of times. That’s good! But when i do land here, i never want to be here again. Every time i start promising to be better, begging for it to stop, waiting and hoping Sir will deem the repentance acceptable and complete.

Tears ALWAYS fall. And they should too. If I land myself here, i should be made to regret it. (And so should any sub! If you are not ever here, then your Dom isn’t spanking hard enough. And if you are the Dom and never seen her cry, you need to rethink if those disciplines are effective!)

That said, i honestly don’t even remember the last time i had one of these. i would need to scroll back through my posts to find it, read it, and remember that way. That’s good AND bad.

It’s good that i usually am not in need of these. i usually do the right thing. i am usually on the right side of the submissiveness measurement stick!

It’s also bad though. Because when i can’t remember AND i develop a “i don’t give a shit” attitude, i tend to land myself back to this level of punishment.

i think this is the one that generates the most comments on my site. People are either turned on (and likely orgasming!) to my stories…. OR…. They become convinced i am being abused – physically AND mentally. i get more comments and emails about this type of post every-single-time.

i am ok with the generated excitement – both good and bad. i know i am NOT turned on by punishment spankings because i am too busy focusing on “how can i get this stop and NEVER happen again”. i also know i am NOT abused in any way. i accept the punishment willingly. And i am of sound mind that i know he has not brainwashed me into this either.

For the record, i usually can’t sit down without feeling the sting for somewhere between 24-48 hours. But i have never had permanent marks, or otherwise damaged skin or bones or body! (Again, NOT abused!)

So – since it’s Friday – i will leave you with a pic of an ass that looks pretty similar to mine after Sir executed a particularly intense maintenance spanking…..

201 – Who’s in Control Anyway?

Does a submissive give up control? Does a Dom take control? Is the submissive still in control? Does a Dom really have control over anything at all?

These are a few questions i find myself thinking about this morning.

Ultimately i don’t think the CONTROL belongs to anyone… except of course, to yourself. Meaning, i need to control me and he needs to control him. Controlling the other should not a prize to be won or an award to be given, nor is it the ultimate goal.

David is quite stressed out right now. And i am not. This is the scenario that gets me into the most trouble because i have more time to be thinking about how to be the best submissive i can be. You might think that’s a good thing, and frequently it can be. Until it’s not.

When i think too much about being the best submissive, i tend to (basically) become obsessed with it which means i look to David for direction in my quest for “more”. Which is a recipe for disaster really, because it’s then that when i do not receive the feedback (attention!) i am seeking that i do not respond with my best-submissive-self. So it is self destructive behaviors and leads to problems. In addition, when i am in this mood if seeking this feedback (reassurances) i become needy. Needy of a strong dominant. And i can see why he thinks i am wanting him to “control” me.

Of course, remember, i already said he’s been stressed out. Work has been hectic for him and due to circumstances beyond his control (ie other’s procrastination!) he finds himself up against deadlines that are quite possibly too tight to meet., but he has to try.

So instead of being the best-submissive …. Who leaves my Sir alone and tries to make myself less of a burden to him….. i don’t. When i become obsessed with being the best of the best, i become needy to seek out the reassurances and direction from him that i am doing good.

Reassurances that he has ZERO time for.

So yesterday i got onto his very last nerve and i heard him say, “I don’t have time to control you! If that’s what you need, go find another Dom!”

Now … don’t misunderstand…. he wasn’t telling me he wanted to get divorced, or to go away, or to be unfaithful, or anything permanent.

He was genuinely meaning, “TODAY I don’t have time, I am stressed out, and if you really want or need reassurances then (maybe) find the second Dom that we’ve been talking about. Because today it is just too much for me, and a second Dom could prove useful right now for both of us.”

So knowing his intentions behind the second sentence were not bad, and actually could be a good thing/helpful was ultimately fine for me. But the first sentence is what bothered me…….

“I don’t have time to control you!”

What went through my head were thoughts like this….

– Does he really think i want him to control me??

– Doesn’t he see that all he has to do is control himself and i will follow?

– He doesn’t control my decision to follow, nor will he ever, so don’t i ultimately have the control?

– How can i follow someone who is just busy trying to figure out how to control me? Isn’t that circular referencing?

Well…. The time to get answers to ANY of those questions was NOT yesterday in that moment. (Likely not today either!). Had i continued on, it would have lead to an argument, at best. i could also tell that while the best thing for me having stirred up the pot so much would have been to have received a discipline of some sort, it was NOT going to go down that way….

Had i received the discipline i so clearly deserved, it would have been: a) feeding into my sub-frenzy, b) distracting for David, who desperately needed to focus on the work he is doing, c) been more of ME in control (aka: Topping from the Bottom) and i don’t control him anymore than he controls me! Yet, i sure was trying to “control” him right into disciplining me!

Had i been in control, which obviously i am not, i would’ve made me go stand in the corner until further notice. It would’ve given me (as David) the opportunity to get the work done without being bugged by me (his sub). It also would’ve given me (the sub) the ability to reflect on how much i was NOT being a sub when i was busy causing unnecessary distractions.

Then when I (as David) took a break, because eventually I would, I would’ve told me (as Submissive) to assume the position. And I (as David) would’ve delivered a spanking that went something like this…..

“You will count and thank me for every single swat of this paddle. I had NO time for your shenanigans today, so I am taking a break to teach you a lesson while also relieving my stress on your ass. Do NOT EVER push me to this place again when you KNOW I am stressed to meet this work deadline.”

Smack! (oh wow. This hurt from the very second he started!)

“One Sir. Thank you Sir.”

“Trying to push me into dominating you at a time that is convenient for you isn’t how a good sub should be. Stop Topping from the Bottom!”

Smack! “Two Sir. Thank you Sir.”

“Telling me how to dominate isn’t being submissive at all. I will not tolerate you trying to act like you are ‘letting me know how needy’ you are. That is completely unnecessary.”

Smack! “Three Sir. Thank you Sir.”

And it would’ve continued from there until i (as sub) was seemingly acting sufficiently remorseful.

But that’s not how it went. And in the end, it probably went better than my version. What actually happened was i apologized for my behavior, for trying to push David into something he didn’t want to be bothered with, and we (more or less) went about our separate business for the day.

i tried very hard to be “ok” with what felt to me like i was being ignored and to not even let on to him what all was really going on in my head. i think it – mostly – worked.

i say that it worked because we didn’t get into a fight, i didn’t get my way, and David was able to get done a lot of what was needed. No, he’s not met the (likely impossible!) deadline, but he was able to get done as much as he could without distractions too.

In the end, i don’t want him to control me…. i need to control me. And i need to be reminded (by him and/or myself) not to try to control him and let him control him. When we each just control ourselves, especially within the framework of our DD relationship, it works.

i don’t know if i will be punished or not… not sure it matters… in some ways by not getting my way, i learned my lesson. i just hope it sticks.

Hugs,

Marie

199 – Variations on “Defer to his authority”

i have written wrote about “the rules” before and i am working on another such post. Our rules are set. Unchanging. And so,etc,es there there are impromptu or for-today or because-i-can rules set into motion too.

Ultimately these would fall under the general category of “deferral.” The fact he has ultimate authority and decision-making power means that he can set into motion any new rule he wants to. And my job is to defer to him and his authority. Now mind you, i trust he won’t set anything in motion that i would ultimately take disagreement to anyway… but he ever did, I know i can talk reason into him too.

Today he decided I needed to wear an anal plug to work. For no reason really.

Maybe the “reason” is to serve as a reminder that he’s in charge. Or maybe as a tangible and constant FEELING of his authority. Or maybe just to see if i’d obey, which i will. Or maybe he wants me to think of him allllll day.

Or maybe he intends to use that hole for his personal pleasure and is getting it ready today. Or maybe to get me sexually charged up with NO ability to do anything about it (i am headed to work after all!)

Or maybe to mess with my mind and make me wonder about all these things and it’s nothing at all.

Not only did he decide an anal plug would escort me to work today, but he was to be the one to put it in its place too. He said, “get a plug, get it ready (with lube), and get into position.”

This position means to bend over, spread my legs, and hold my ass cheeks apart.

He came and said, “what a pretty sight to see my little girl.” And with that, he picked up the plug and i felt the tip press against my opening.

i held my breath as he pressed it inside. I always know the EXACT moment it pushes past the sphincter muscle as the pressure immediately subsides.

Even though i knew it was in, i also knew not to move just yet. He pressed it deep and played with the plug just a moment saying, “it won’t go any further in unless I press it in. Do you like that feeling?“

Now, i wouldn’t say i liked the feeling, but i did like that he liked it! So by a roundabout, i did indeed like it. i told him this too. And he slapped my ass in a hard, but good-fun way, and said, “ok, free to go to work now.”

As i let go of my ass cheeks and stood up, i felt the plug position itself between my legs and deeply in my ass. He always has me wear a thong on plug days so it holds it in as far as possible too. In fact, the thong is really about 1-2 sizes too small, which makes the string part ride up between my ass cheeks further, so it serves its purpose even better.

As always, i said, “thank you Sir.” And i kissed him.

So now i am off to work. i have no doubt he will ask me a couple of times today how it is feeling, and of course, as the day goes on it will become increasingly less pleasurable. But the fact that he wants it there and i am his submissive and intend to do as i am told…. It will be in its place a very LONG time today.

Have an amazing day my friends!

Hugs,

Marie

197 – Zip to the conclusion

** this is a continuation of a previous post. You should probably read it first…. zipper-fun-and-games

“Game on!” is how i responded too!

We had an amazing dinner and by the time we left the restaurant, even K thought he was married to me! My acting was superb! And i won’t lie, J did a convincing job with David too.

OF course, we were both looking for any opportunity to have the other’s jeans unzipped too. My zippers were “almost” fully intact…. But they were indeed a bit down in front AND back.

As dinner went on, J implied i was over doing my story and told K to unzip a zipper. It was after i was hanging on K’s arm and my hand slid down his leg and back up again. She said my act would have been appropriate for a younger version of us if or when we were still dating, but not at our age and term of marriage.

Of course, i think K was enjoying himself as i could feel his cock swell to my touch but he didn’t resist the order to lower my zipper either.

That was the first zipper move, the second happened was over dessert. J caught me winking at David after i drank those 2 glasses of wine. i always get amorous when i get tipsy, and that’s where i was when J said, “uhm… wrong husband. K, please lower Marie’s zipper once more!” And he did.

The last zipper move happened as i was carried away telling a story about work, where i was complaining about a client. David was the one then to say the zipper needed to come down more as he said, “we are all here to escape reality, not relive it.”

When dinner was done, i won’t lie i was a bit nervous to stand up for fear of whether or not my pants would stay up! Of course, i was very much somewhere between tipsy and drunk so i trudged forward and stood confidently!

My pants didn’t fall off as i stood up, thankfully! But they were definitely loose for sure. With that, i announced i had to use the bathroom before we left. David told J to go with me, and make sure when i came out my pants’ zippers were still in the same place as they were at that moment going in. i rolled my eyes and said, “Fine.”

And David said, “J, on second thought, be sure to lower a zipper just a bit further. Marie, that’s your own doing for that eye roll.”

After J escorted me to the bathroom and back, we started down toward the waterway to walk a bit and end up at the park. K & i walked in front of David & J, when i heard J say, “Marie, those pants are pretty loose there!”

And everyone laughed. Except me. Instead, i asked David, “Sir, are her comments in line with what you’d expect of your submissive wife?”

He said, “Marie. I agree. I’m not sure that those comments were very submissive for sure! Should I lower her zipper?”

“i thought you’d never ask Sir! Yes, please do!” And he did. i heard J utter “fuck!” Under her breathe to which K said, “oh now, J, that wasn’t necessary either. David, lower her zipper again.”

She was the first to break about all this. She stopped walking and spit out the words, “what the fuck? I can’t walk around in public this way with my ass hanging half out! This is ridiculous now.”

i put my arms around her neck and said, “J, relax. This is all good. You ought to just flow with it. Your husband -nor K or i- won’t allow anything bad to happen. Trust me on that one!”

And we embraced in a hug. After we both relaxed there for just a minute, we released one another and resumed our walk. We all just walked together in a comfortable silence then until we reached the park.

By the time we sat down on the bench, both of mine and J’s pants were truly hanging and near falling off from the walking motions and gravity. We were both pretty grateful for the night sky and the shadows falling all around us. It gave us the natural dark shadows we both needed at that time. Of course, our husbands didn’t get too far from us though either, so that helped too.

The bench was big enough for all four of us to sit and talk. The men were on the outside with us girls on the inside. And the night air was cool and fresh, giving us reason to snuggle in tight too.

As we did, i felt a hand slide down my pants and touch my clit. Of course, it wasn’t hard to do when my pants were hanging so low. i gasped as i felt it. i looked at David with almost panic in my eyes. i mean we We were in public and i was being fondled David said, “Marie. Let it happen. This is good. Do you understand me?”

“Yes Sir. i will.” And he was right, it did feel good! But of course, like J a few minutes before, i was keenly aware we were in public view too!

And that’s when i heard K laugh and say, “Your clit feels so wet and slick.” And that’s when his fingers slid right inside me as he then added, “and your folds are so engulfing. They just swallowed up my fingers. I think you like this.”

i responded by saying, “i don’t like it…. i love it! Thank you Sir. (Ok, i wasn’t as concerned about being in public as J was … i was just trying to “let it happen” as my real-life husband had instructed. Plus the previous wine helped too.)

i turned my head toward J & David, where J was looking at me. At that moment, she leaned in and kissed me deeply. i was so overwhelmed with all this but in such an incredibly good way too. (Like i said, just let it happen… and wine helping a lot too!).

It was then that i saw David’s hand unzip J’s front so far down that she was exposed for all to see. Of course, no one walking by had any idea she was sitting on the bench with no panties on and on display because it was just that dark.

She stopped kissing me and said, “NO!” And grabbed at her pant zipper.

Before she could pull David’s hand away, i laid my hand over hers holding her hand frozen in place and said, “do you mean no? We don’t use no, but rather red, yellow, and green.”

After i explained further, i asked her, “As David’s wife tonight, look at him and tell him what color you are really feeling right now!”

She turned to David and said, “Yellow Sir.”

And he said, “That’s a good girl. We will let you sit right here like this for a bit to get more comfortable.”

All the while, K’s hand never stopped moving in my pants. i asked him, “what color do you think i am at Sir?”

He laughed and said, “oh you are so green, you are green to the highest power!”

i don’t remember who, but someone suggested we move from the bench. J & i both agreed we were only moving after the zippers came back to a more covering appropriate position. And so it was.

As we walked back toward our cars, we discovered we were parked side by side. K must have been the first to realize our cars were completely cast in shadows, to which K asked David if he could say good night by unzipping my zippers all the way in two halves while standing between the cars.

David responded with, “only if I get to reply in kind with J.” And that’s how i found myself standing in public completely exposed from front to back. To keep my pants from falling away, i grabbed each half in each hand and held on.

It was then that someone walked by and as K saw them looking our way, he pushed me against the car and started kissing me. i couldn’t tell if that was a rouse or intentional, but that’s when he pulled his cock out of his pants, spread my legs, and fucked me right there been the cars.

It all happened so fast that all i could do was hang on to my pants and enjoy the moment. He moved so fast and furious. It was raw sex with one goal in mind: cum as fast as possible!

In no time, he orgasmed inside me. i thanked him the same as i always do with David. Yes, i thank David after sex for the gift… of attention, love, affection, and orgasm. But also for using me in a way that is pleasing to him. i like to be his service submissive!

With that, K opened my door and i sat down with my pants still in two halves. And we said good bye to our friends.

i waited for David to come to the driver side and get in the car. When he got in he asked, “Have fun tonight, WIFE?”

“Yes Sir, i did. But i have a question… was all this planned out beforehand? Like all the way to this very end?”

He lifted my hand, kissed it, and smiled. He said, “What do you think?”

i thought for a minute and said, “it probably doesn’t really matter. i know who I belong to, who i ultimately submit to, who i go home with, and i had fun.”

With that, he dropped my hand, stuck a finger deep inside my pussy that of course was still on display, and said, “Let’s go home then.”

Hugs,

Marie