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Tag: loving discipline life

238 – 1st spanking in 2022.

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 238 – 1st spanking in 2022.

It was bound to happen.

Me doing something that deserved discipline.

i screwed up.

And i really must say, i was relieved that this ended in discipline. NO, i didn’t WANT to be spanked, but i did deserve it. And thankfully, my Sir responded to the situation with the best solution possible.

He used the paddle. My ass was turned a very bright red tonight.

For the first time in more than 6-months, the paddle collided with my ass repeatedly. It was well overdue and frankly, more than once i had already deserved this but it wasn’t until today that i was disciplined for my actions.

And let me tell you…. It HURT!

W-H-A-T happened?

Yeah, so our son’s car needed new tires. We’ve talked about it for a few weeks already. It was decided that since the best place to get the tires was just 2-miles from my office, that today i would drive his car to work, get the new tires, and all would be good.

As i was packing up this morning to head out, i said goodbye and David said, “you are driving his car right?”

We had not spoken at all about this plan for about 2-days now and in that time, i had forgotten. It must have shown on my face as before i even responded verbally, David said, “you DO remember, right?”

i did not. He had to remind me by saying, “Son. Car. New tires. Today….”

Oh yeah. Ok. That.

“Yes, of course i am still driving his car and going to get new tires.”

An hour later, the new tires were on, i paid, and left.

i wasn’t but about 2-blocks away from the tire shop, headed to my office for the day, when my phone rang. It was David.

i answered and he said, “WHY did you use your credit card to pay for the tires?”

[He gets texts for any charge in excess of $200 on any of my cards…. He says it’s for security purposes, but i won’t lie, i think it’s also about keeping me on budget too. He while I don’t think i need him checking on me like this, it’s nothing i will ever get to be changed either. Ok, maybe another blog post topic here… back to this one though….]

At that very moment, i was confused. My exact thought was, “i wasn’t going to steal the tires. How else was i suppose to pay?”

Before i could respond aloud he said, “I told you to put it on their store credit card that we have so we would get 6-months no interest, no payments. There’s no reason to pay the money now if we don’t need to.”

Oh yeah. Ok. That. [Second time in 2-hours i have thought those words!]

This time though, i actually said the words aloud too. In addition, i also said, “i will call and see if it can be moved from my card to the store card.”

And what i heard back was, “Yes, you will! You need to see if you can fix this.”

i just said, “Yes Sir.”

With that, i heard a click. He hung up. i wasn’t surprised. i’d probably have done the same if things were reversed.

Not even 10-minutes later i get a text, “is it fixed?” i had barely had enough time to get back to my office and get the call made so i had not had enough time to get him [i think he assumed I would forget to call. Reasonable assumption given the way the morning was going!]

That’s when I had to say, “well… not exactly Sir.”

This is when i had to also tell him that the store had told me that David had to go to the store with the card or his ID directly because the card was officially in his name and even though we have a joint account, they can’t “just move a charge to another person’s card when the person isn’t here to accept the charge.” This is a pet peeve of mine. When it is a joint account in their system AND on the card, why exactly is it that i am not authorized to use it?! Whatever… back to this blog again….

And the response i got back from David was, “hmm”

Then some time later, David texted again, “are you saying I have to go fix this for you?”

“Unfortunately, Yes.”

“I see. Do I need the receipt/paperwork?”

“No.”

Another few minutes later, “I’m going now. This better not be a waste of my time!”

This is where i started to second-guess… what if the clerk i spoke to didn’t get the facts right, do i need to meet David over there now to explain my side, since i have the paperwork/ receipt, maybe i ought to go give it to David now…… Please Dear God let this all work out. Amen!

About 30-more minutes, “you are lucky. I got it fixed. But we will talk about this when you get home tonight.”

Thank you God!

“Thank you Sir. Understood.”

Not another thing was said until i was home, but not even immediately then either.

i was anxious about it as soon as i walked in the door and he could tell. i wasn’t sure if i should say something or not. i wasn’t sure if i were to say something, what exactly that would be either.

Nothing was said. At all. i began to wonder if he just forgot. Or maybe it was forgiven.

We ate dinner, started watching tv, and nothing. i began to be disappointed. I didn’t exactly want to be disciplined, but i knew if he did it, i fully deserved it. AND it would be of his own accord, as opposed to him role-playing the script i had set forth (as in how it was before.). This was a test for our entire D/s relationship actually! This was a pivotal form in the road, and I needed to be patient to see which path David would take.

As well, the opposite was true. If he did not mention the situation, act upon the discipline needed, and it was never mentioned again, i was going to have to accept that too.

Either way… i was sure i’d shed tears tonight …. i just wasn’t sure what the catalyst would be.

Then all of a sudden the one tv show he had turned on was over and he said, “ready to talk?”

“Yes Sir.”

“You agree a spanking is necessary, correct?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Then I will let the paddle speak for itself.”

“Yes Sir.”

So i Assumed The Position, for the first time in more than 6-months. And i waited. And i prayed. “Lord, please provide me with the ability to listen to David as he speaks. Please help me to accept this discipline with grace. Please help David to deliver the exact right number of spanks that will cause me remorse and regret, so i learn from this. Please help him to have confidence in his delivery, to know this is needed and good, and will bond us closer once again.”

And the door opened. Here we go…..

He picked up the paddle, that was resting in its place… on my butt. i immediately cringed and instinctively tensed all my muscles, expecting to immediately feel that first blow. Instead of feeling the paddle though, instead he spoke aloud.

“Are you ready for this?”

“i accept this, but i do not think i am ready for it.”

He asked why was i not ready and i said, “because it has been more than 6-months.”

He said, “Do you think it’s going to hurt?”

“i have NO doubt it will hurt.”

“Then let’s get to it.”

He knew i was consenting. He knew i knew it was deserved. He knew i knew he was my dominant Sir.

That was when i felt it. The paddle collided with my ass for the first time in 2022!

i flinched hard. i bit my bottom lip.

And the words, “oh Fuck that hurt!” formed on my lips. Thankfully i said it quiet enough he did not hear. He hates cuss words. And he especially would have hated me saying it with regard to this spanking. And even more especially with the first swat too! i was clearly NOT accepting this with grace and immediately knew i had to change my thoughts.

By the time i thought all that, another and another, and ANOTHER spank hit my uncovered bottom.

i heard him say, “So the next time I tell you to do something are you going to forget?”

Was i really this forgetful? Or am i selfish to where i just didn’t care enough to slow down enough to pay attention. Neither is a good answer.

Smack

SMACK!

S-M-A-C-K!!

“I asked you a question. Are you ignoring me? That is NOT a wise decision!”

i was NOT ignoring him, but rather trying to form words between the spanks. i find it hard to focus on the words as i am being spanked where my mind is racing with all sorts of things (as noted above), not to mention things like, “Do NOT move. Stay in position!”

i finally muttered, “i am not ignoring you Sir. i will remember next time.”

“Do you realize you would have cost us a lot of money if I couldn’t have fixed this?”

Smack

SMACK

“Yes Sir.”

That’s when he held the paddle against my ass for a second. Whenever he does that, i know he’s pausing the swats for a second and i was grateful for the slow down. This time though, it wasn’t a pause or a break, it was to give a punctuation mark to the next set of spanks. Without preamble, he pulled the paddle back and smacked me about 5-times in rather rapid succession.

To be clear, while the paddle had rained down on my pour naked ass quite frequently at this point, i was abundantly aware he was NOT using any real force. He was indeed “letting the paddle speak for itself.”

“And do you realize I asked you to do this because it was easy and convenient for both of us really? Me going up there to fix your problem was not ideal or convenient whatsoever!”

He pulled the paddle away and i flinched. i flinched without even getting hit yet. i just anticipated it and moved instinctively, as if on command.

He asked, “why are you flinching when the paddle isn’t even touching you?”

“Anticipation Sir.”

The tears were forming, but not yet flowing.

i was trying to cry. i wanted the tears to flow freely. Yes, it hurt me physically AND mentally to be spanked tonight but this was a GOOD hurt and a GOOD cry that was needed. i needed to feel the release of emotion.

As he then held the paddle against my ass, he asked me, “do you think you’ve learned? Will this happen again?”

i paused as I thought, “The tears haven’t flowed yet. i need him to keep going to get these tears and this release to come.” But then, is that me topping from the bottom again? Do i deserve to feel this cathartic emotional release? Do i trust him to know when enough is enough?

“Yes Sir, i have learned. No Sir, this will not happen again. i will pay more attention to you.”

“G-O-O-D!” he said, with the layering on of one more good, hard, and final SMACK of the paddle.

That’s when he sat me up and said, “we are done. You are forgiven. Now go swim in our pool! Get the sting out!”

“Thank you Sir. i love you!”

After confirming his love too, he grabbed my hand and we went outside to our backyard. He was fully dressed and i had nothing on at all. He motioned me toward the pool and said, “now go on in!” And so i did.

He sat on the chair and watched me swim naked. He took my picture at some point too. i have yet to see that picture. That’s ok.

We were both pleased.

i expected the tears were going to flow tonight. They never did, but nearly did. i am just grateful it was a good tearing-up and not a bad one! i am glad i got the very red, expected-to-be-sore-tomorrow ass that i deserved.

i am now (incredibly) hopeful that our D/s relationship is seemingly back on track… or maybe not on the same track, but a better one… time will tell. For the first time in 6-months, i am hopeful again too!

Cheers!

(i pray the first 2023 spanking post isn’t 6-months into the year! While we have been doing this now since late 2018, i didn’t blog a ton at first and didn’t actually start posting a “first of the year spank” post until 2020….. but if you want to read about my other firsts for that yesr, for at least for the few most recent years, here ya go: …..2021 – 1st spanking – Jan 10 and 1st spanking – 2020 – Jan 9 )

Hugs,

Marie

227 – Party (and Maintenance) Friday

Written by Marie on . Posted in Maintenance, Spanking, Submission. No Comments on 227 – Party (and Maintenance) Friday

S-U-C-C-E-S-S! Our Christmas party was a grand success indeed.

Ultimately it was! Of course, not without some trouble during the day… naturally no day is ever really perfectly organized.

And today was no exception.

We started the day with a Maintenance Friday (MFer!) of grand proportions. David had promised it would be a more difficult maintenance spanking, and it was.

At first, David said he was too busy and maybe we wouldn’t have time for it. It didn’t take but a minute though for me to stress out about rather small things and for David to become completely aware that indeed a rather intense maintenance session was needed.

i was setting out all the alcohol for the event, and it was much. i felt compelled to organize it by type and was stressed about the exact place,ent of it. Thinking of it now seems rather silly actually, but in the moment, it was important to me.

As i was preparing for the party, i was doing so nude in an attempt to be completely exposed … and calm. When i am naked, i have no physical place to hide. Literally. And usually, it keeps my minds calm too. But…. Not on Friday morn.

As i was in a tizzy about the alcohol’s organization, David saw me and asked what i was doing. When I told him, he became rather perturbed. He said, “Maintenance is sorely needed! Go get on the bed now. I will be there when I’m good and ready!”

i kept organizing the alcohol though, and David grabbed up my hand, and looked at me square in the eye and said quite sternly, “Go get on the damn bed NOW!”

So i did.

He left me there for many long minutes. i said prayers as i waited. i asked God to make me calm, to bring David’s hand to help that too, and to let me relax and accept the spanking as i needed to.

And i did. i accepted it. In truth, i needed it. Spankings ground me. They bring me to THAT moment. i can’t mentally or physically be anywhere else. It causes all other stress, thoughts, angst to evaporate. i was actually rather happy to have it.

As he spanked my bottom quite red, in no time at all, he talked to me. He was saying things that required me to focus on his words rather than the intensity of the swats he was delivering.

He said things like, “is there any reason to stress about alcohol?”

And, “You will be calm today, won’t you?”

And, “Does it matter if the alcohol, or anything else, is not organized precisely?”

And, “you have co-workers who can read to find their own alcohol preferences, correct?”

And, “you’ll stop acting like a crazed woman now, won’t you?”

And, “if you do NOT calm yourself, I will bring you right back here tonight and spank your ass for all to hear, even during the party. Do you want that?”

And, “Do you believe that I’ll spank you for all your co-workers to hear?”

And finally, “will you be a more calm, better woman now?”

And with that response, my ass was stinging and bright red. Tears were forming, but not flowing.

He sat me upright, kissed my lips and said, “Now. Will you my good girl today?”

While many of the questions required a yes or a no, and i had to focus on the question at hand to answer properly while in the midst of each swat hitting my ass with extreme intentional intensity, the last question was clear and i answered just as clearly…..

“Yes Sir.”

With that, we continued to prepare for the party. After lunch, the tenuous started building again. David said, “it’s time. I can tell your stress is rising. And with that, you need to be reminded to be submissive. Go put the plug in now!”

So i did. It went in quick, but not without any pain. Sometimes it feels bigger than it is. And of course, of all days, this one it was feeling particularly large! So on top of my ass being turned red on the outside earlier, now it was about to be turned red on the inside too.

i was able to get comfortable with it in, but i knew the night would be long too. Thankfully, it was no time at all and we were off to the restaurant to pick up the food that we had ordered. As we drove, David intentionally went quickly over the speed bumps. When i mentioned how intense the plug felt he said, “that’s good. It will remind you to be submissive even more!”

When we got to the restaurant, the food was NOT ready. In fact, the restaurant seemed confused about the order at all. When David produced the emailed receipt and details of the order, they immediately set about getting the food started. But the timing of the party start time was looming large and the amount of food we needed, made me think we simply didn’t have time. People would be arriving and we wouldn’t even be home!

i said absolutely nothing. But David knows me well enough to know i was am absolute mess inside! With a plug inside and knowing i was to be submissive, i was trying desperately to keep myself in check.

At that moment, i was grateful for the plug! i decided to squeeze my anal muscles on the plug, and release immediately once again. I decided to do it over and again as a reminder to be calm, and to remain Submissive!

David looked at the restaurant staff and said, “she needs a drink.” And he proceeded to take charge of the order and me. He ordered a large, frozen strawberry margarita. When they sat it in front of me, he looked at me and said, “the food will be ready in about 20 minutes. We have plenty of time. We are here early for this express purpose. You need to trust me on this. And you also need to drink this drink in its entirety before we leave here.”

i said just two mere word. “Yes Sir.”

And i sat and drank. And let him be in charge.

Things ended up working out exactly like David said. We were back home in plenty of time. We enjoyed the party thoroughly.

My ass was filled for the duration of the party. i can’t lie, the alcohol did as much for my insides as the plug did. The alcohol allowed the plug to feel so much nicer too! Both the alcohol and the plug allowed me to be the best submissive wife all night long. i stood by David’s side, spoke with kindness, refused to be argumentative, and was calm.

As i climbed into our bed at the end of the night, he praised my ability to be calm. And submissive. Then David touched me sexually. He brought me to orgasm almost immediately. i relished in the feeling as it washed over me thoroughly.

As we turned out the lights he said, “I am sure this was a successful day. We need to do this exact thing every time in the future. Would you agree?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Good. Next party will be so much better now. Sleep well. I love you.”

“I love you too Sir.”

And the lights were turned off and we slept quite well.

See…. It turned out better than the last party! All in all…. an amazing day!

Hugs,

Marie

215 – My 50th Birthday Gifts

Written by Marie on . Posted in Chastity Belt, Forced Orgasm, Orgasm Control, Submission. No Comments on 215 – My 50th Birthday Gifts

My 50th birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. November 25. Next week. Fast approaching. In the month of NO-orgasm-VEMBER.

It’s unclear and Sir is still undecided if i will be allowed to orgasm on my birthday or not.

Last week we were talking about what gifts i would like to receive for my birthday. My immediate response was, “An explosive orgasm.”

To which he responded, “what else?”

i said, “a new purse please Sir.”

And he said, “A new purse it shall be.”

When i asked, “what about the orgasm?” his response was, “I’m undecided about that. I asked what gifts you’d like to receive, and your orgasm is definitely a gift I could give, but then again… what month still remains on the calendar?”

At first i wasn’t sure if that was a rhetorical question or not but something told me i was supposed to respond, so i said, “November Sir.”

And his only word in response was, “E-X-A-C-T-L-Y.”

And that was the end of that discussion.

That will be the last we will discuss that. i am certain. And that’s ok. The gift of orgasm is indeed his to give, and i will wait until it is allowed. While it has now been TWO WEEKS since my last O, i accept it isn’t up to me when the next one happens.

i won’t lie, because it’s officially still NO-orgasm-vember, i kinda do NOT want David to allow it. But on the flip side, it IS my birthday and i only turn 50 ONCE, so i really DO want it! (And did i already mention….it’s already been TWO-WHOLE-WEEKS since my last O. And i don’t remember the last time i went this long……. Like ever! And still almost another week…. Geez!)

If you think about it, your sexual pleasure and happiness truly IS a gift from your partner, and isn’t something you should feel entitled to. Always. In all sexual relationships, including vanilla ones.

But of course in most relationships, if you don’t get it from your partner, you seek it elsewhere…. By your own masturbating hand OR another partner OR both., because you feel entitled to it.

Admittedly, sometimes i can be the same way. But most of the time, i do indeed see it as a GIFT. (And after more than two weeks, it will be a BIG gift when i get to feel that pleasure again!)

What would YOU do if you were my Sir? Would you allow me to orgasm on my 50th or no??!!?

i thought of what i think is the perfect compromise…. (And i already told Sir about this, to which he laughed.. cuz he knows me THAT well!)

i suggested he make me wear Glory. And he makes me suck him hard. After which, he uses my ass hole to his pleasure. (There’s a big hole through the belt that allows him/me/anyone all access to that hole).

i suggested he fuck me hard and fast with that back hole, while i am on all 4’s. Neither of us touch my clit or pussy as it would be all locked up nice and tight!

But….

If i can orgasm without being touched AND while being locked in chastity then i can do so. Otherwise, no!

As i said before… he laughed. He knows i’d orgasm. Easily. Especially now when i am SO much in heat and need it!

He then said, “nice try!”

He then said, “by the time I allow you to orgasm, you could likely cum on my command without touching you anywhere at all!”

He THEN added, “you do realize we didn’t start this No-orgasm-vember on the first? You do realize I could chose to extend this into December in order to get the full 30-days I feel I am entitled to receive?” (There’s that word “entitled” again! But in this case, i think he IS entitled to use the word and to feel the emotion. i willingly submit to him, making things like my O fall under his purview!)

All this makes me think NO, i will NOT be orgasming on Thanksgiving…… aka, my 50th birthday!

And maybe not for awhile into December too!

So i’ll ask it again… if YOU held the gift of my orgasm in the palm of your hand, would you give it to me on:

A) Nov 25, my 50th birthday

B) Nov30, end of No-vember

C) Dec 6th, officially 30-days from the last O, OR

D) some other date at your discretion, to keep me guessing

???

Hugs,

Marie

202 – Types of Spankings

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 202 – Types of Spankings

While a spanking is just what it sounds like, there are still different types and each type is used for a different purpose.

i want to talk about each one now and how we use them in our relationship dynamic.

In general though: ALL SPANKINGS HURT.

Honestly, that’s the point. They wouldn’t be worth doing at ALL if they didn’t. i am always walking away from a spanking with a sore butt. How sore or for how long it’s sore is what changes.

And each type serves a different ultimate purpose too. So again, they all hurt, but depending on the goal, it may be a little hurt or a lotta hurt.

So with that – i will talk about the types in terms of least hurt to most hurt….

1) Sexy fun. Most of the time, when sex is involved, the spanking is the least important part, causing it to be the least painful of all spankings.

This is typically the fun, smack-you-on-the-ass and inspire one another to have a better sex scene in the process.

Mostly this spanking is not on that is a “you are here to be spanked” event, but rather “you are here to be fucked – oh, and I’m going to spank you too.”

Sometimes after these, i don’t feel any pain what do ever. It was a sting in the moment and all done with that, and on to the good part!

2) Stress relief. For me OR Him. Frequently i come home stressed out. And when i do, it results in me being cranky, sometimes rude, and short tempered overall.

David usually doesn’t stand for this long. It can go on a day or two before he acts, depending on the circumstances but rarely does it go longer. That’s when he says “the stress….and attitude… will stop now. Go assume the position.”

These are more intentional than the sex spanks, and can be one of the longest types of spanking. Sir starts out with the warm-up-the-butt to get the blood flowing and from there smack! When there are warm up spanks, the blood is flowing better to the area and your bottom responds better to the harder smacks.

As such, the ultimate result is effective! The stress tends to subside, along with my attitude. Primarily because it immediately gives me something else to focus on.

These vary in length, but generally are enough to turn my ass red. And i usually feel it for the remainder of the day.

3) Friday maintenance. These hurt. Yes, i know i said they all hurt, and they do. But of the types spoken about so far, this is the first one that i would say i usually respect, always accept, but NEVER want.

i’d probably say these are most understood by people who don’t practice it, both in and out of the DD lifestyle. The purpose is to reinforce the good. A lot of people ask, “why spank if it ain’t broke?” Well, it’s a physical, tangible reminder of what could be a lot worse (punishment) if things were indeed broken.

The words, “it could be a lot worse” are key. It’s a sample of something that could be a lot worse! And when that sample proves to be enough to instill the thoughts of, “if THIS is maintenance, i do NOT want to go to the full-on spanking!” And it causes me to rethink my behavior, and act right before it does become broken!

Maintenance spankings usually cause me to get back on track in a hurry! They have never made me cry, but i won’t lie, it has been close a few times too. They don’t usually have the warm-up-spanks as they are intended to hurt more. It can be anywhere grim 5-25’ish swats, where most are delivered with intention. They always make my ass sting and turn red, with bruising on occasion. And it always hurts the rest of the day, sometimes into the next day too.

Most of the time, our maintenance is scheduled. But sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes it is impromptu. When this happens, it’s because my behavior is not quite bad enough for a full spanking, but definitely not to be ignored and a warning isn’t enough either.

But it always hurts. Because ALL spankings do.

And it’s effective in (usually) avoiding the BIG one!

4) Discipline. Grand daddy of all! Ok, these are just down right painful. By design. They hurt. A lot. Always.

These are for the express purpose of correcting a wrong. These are the ones everyone thinks about when they think about spankings.

These are the ones that “make you remorseful for your actions” type. The kind that usually make me cry, my bottom hurt for a longgggg time, and i regret those bad decisions. Immediately.

They are extremely effective. And they temper the bad behavior, cause me to wish i had never done it, and (try) to never do it again.

i have landed myself here only a handful of times. That’s good! But when i do land here, i never want to be here again. Every time i start promising to be better, begging for it to stop, waiting and hoping Sir will deem the repentance acceptable and complete.

Tears ALWAYS fall. And they should too. If I land myself here, i should be made to regret it. (And so should any sub! If you are not ever here, then your Dom isn’t spanking hard enough. And if you are the Dom and never seen her cry, you need to rethink if those disciplines are effective!)

That said, i honestly don’t even remember the last time i had one of these. i would need to scroll back through my posts to find it, read it, and remember that way. That’s good AND bad.

It’s good that i usually am not in need of these. i usually do the right thing. i am usually on the right side of the submissiveness measurement stick!

It’s also bad though. Because when i can’t remember AND i develop a “i don’t give a shit” attitude, i tend to land myself back to this level of punishment.

i think this is the one that generates the most comments on my site. People are either turned on (and likely orgasming!) to my stories…. OR…. They become convinced i am being abused – physically AND mentally. i get more comments and emails about this type of post every-single-time.

i am ok with the generated excitement – both good and bad. i know i am NOT turned on by punishment spankings because i am too busy focusing on “how can i get this stop and NEVER happen again”. i also know i am NOT abused in any way. i accept the punishment willingly. And i am of sound mind that i know he has not brainwashed me into this either.

For the record, i usually can’t sit down without feeling the sting for somewhere between 24-48 hours. But i have never had permanent marks, or otherwise damaged skin or bones or body! (Again, NOT abused!)

So – since it’s Friday – i will leave you with a pic of an ass that looks pretty similar to mine after Sir executed a particularly intense maintenance spanking…..

187 – what is “submissive service”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 187 – what is “submissive service”

(This is a long post, but after reading through it several times trying to find things that i thought could/should be cut… i didn’t want to…. so… it is what it is.)

i have talked a bit about this before. But i feel like talking again. So i will. Ha. And in reading this nonfiction book that i mentioned before, “Real Service” by Tenpenny and Kaldera, i have new thoughts to add, at least i hope anyway.

But before i dive in, i want to give a couple of (only my opinion) thoughts of “what’s the difference between a submissive and a slave. Because while i’d love to be a “sexual slave,” to my husband, i am not. i am quite thoroughly and completely “just a submissive wife” in every aspect.

And why do i make a point to make this distinction? Well… keep reading and it will hopefully become more obvious.

Similarities: Both a submissive and a slave conform to a Dominant’s will, both defer to another’s authority and both ultimately find their own pleasure in making someone else happy. At its core, a submissive and a slave provide a service(s) to a Dominant.

Differences: And while both submissive and slave have a lot in common, they are still quite different too. At its core, a submissive is more free and has more control than a slave. Not to say a submissive is “less” than a slave, because i am NOT diminishing the significance or importance of a submissive whatsoever! It’s just that a submissive has more free-thinking-authority than a slave.

A slave has less control of one self than a submissive. A slave makes less decisions than a submissive. A slave has their decisions taken away from them (freely) whereas a submissive makes decisions (within the given authority of the Dominant). A slave requires more effort of the Dominant (to control and make the decisions for the slave), than what is required of a Dominant with a submissive.

So i guess my ideal combination would be to submit to my husband in everything… except sex. For sex, i would much prefer to have all my control and decisions be taken from me and to be his slave. But it’s not up to me. i suppose in an odd way of thinking of it, having no control over this decision… makes me a slave to the situation!?! (Hmm, not sure if i think that sentence is true really, but having “no control” is at the essence of a slave’s situation/persona… so maybe ??)

What is in my control is learning to be the best submissive wife i can be… which i would ultimately have to admit… includes sex too.

Submissive wife:

i am my husband’s best friend… and submissive wife. (And he is my best friend…. and Dominant husband).

When people say you can’t live a D/s or kinky lifestyle 24/7, i disagree. This is exactly what and how we do it. i am his submissive wife 24/7. That is at least until we slip out of our ways of doing things because of stupid things like “work stress” monopolizing our “home life”…. which is another topic of “how exactly do you maintain the ways of doing things 365-days a year without slipping away from it.” (Good question… i haven’t mastered it!)

i recently saw someone else post a blog that was basically where we have been lately, and she called the “out of the D/s routine” as being in a “rut.” And i suppose that’s a great way to think and a great word for it too. (Again, how to NOT go into a “rut” isn’t in my wheelhouse just yet… and back to today’s blog….)

While i agree there are some things that you simply can’t do 24/7 due to its extreme level/intensity, there are a lot of dominance and submission that absolutely can be done 24/7.

As i mentioned, i am reading the non-fiction book, “Real Service,” where the authors make a point to say and explain how a submissive provides service to a Dominant. And that “service” comes in many forms, including sexual but not just sexual. Service tasks range in its complexity from mundane of housework, errands/shopping, and paying bills, up to other specific things that would fit this particular D/s dynamic like secretarial, being a chauffeur, butler, or chef… and always companionship.

The key is ensuring that whatever services are provided from the sub to the Dom is what the DOM WANTS! The service is meaningless if the Dom doesn’t want (or need) it.

In one section of the book, the author (a Dom) talks about how his sub was performing tasks that the sub thought the Dom wanted, but in fact the Dom did not. The Dom realized he was upsetting his sub when in fact what the sub was doing wasn’t at all important, needed, or valued by the Dom.

The author writes, “Faced with his [the sub’s] disappointment, I had two choices: I could beat myself up for not being able to do this [“this” meaning the Master trying to become satisfied with what the sub was doing for the Master], or we could work together on making the activities that were meaningful for me likewise meaningful for him. And we chose the second option.”

The first key point or takeaway i have here is:

Even if i want to do it, if it means nothing to David…. it isn’t what i should be doing. i need to be doing what David wants, not what i want or what i think he wants.

Sometimes if i were being fully honest, i think i do things trying to impress him and ultimately find favor in order to receive his praise. Only for him to find that he didn’t want or need it, but he now has to decide to: 1) hurt my feelings by telling me it wasn’t wanted, 2) learn to like what i did, 3) give praise for something he neither wanted, asked for, or needed. And let’s face it, options #2 &3 are lying/deceitful to me (and forcing him to bend to me) and may make me think he liked my efforts, leading me to repeat them to get #2 &3 to occur again… vicious circle. All the while, i was just trying to provide a (good) service go/for him but going about it in all the wrong ways.

That seems obvious at its core, i get that. But sometimes i (and maybe other subs too) am certain i know what will make him happy and set out to do these things, only to be disappointed upon figuring out that wasn’t at all what i should be focused on and it didn’t make David happy one iota. And likewise, it puts David in a position to either accept (and learn to like) the service i am giving him… or for him to teach/train me to give the service he is actually wanting (and for me to be happy doing that task instead).

So being reminded to do what he wants, not what I think he wants, is pretty key!

Going back to the submissive versus slave part, i would love nothing more than to be David’s sex-slave not “just” his submissive. But it’s just not what he wants. He wants me to be a submissive wife…. in ALL aspects, including sex.

When it comes to sex specifically, being a submissive doesn’t feel like it is “enough”. At least not for me. But i’d say David thinks being a submissive, even for sex, is plenty enough. So at the end of the day, i am fully aware that what i’d like to do or be… a sex slave… is irrelevant.

i would like to be told (“made”) to…….

Be naked as much as possible, strut in front of him, sit on the floor beside him, not be allowed to be out of his sight, have my mouth stuffed with his cock regularly, sit on his cock and do all the work to get him to orgasm, stuffed with a dildo to stretch enough to accommodate him without any difficulty, be spanked if not wet at the moment he wants/needs me to be, to be punished if unwanted pubic hair is ever found, to wear a butt plug to stretch the back whenever he wants, to be taken when i am sleeping for no other reason than because he wants me, to be tied up or gagged in positions that he has full access, to wear a chastity belt most of the time, to be shared if he wants to, and and and ……i could go on…….

Don’t misinterpret what i am saying to mean i am not my husband’s submissive for sex… because i am. But i want to be MORE than just submissive for sex. i want to be owned, and to have no other options available to me, as it comes to sex. (i love being his submissive wife for all the mundane things of life, but i would really love to be his sexual slave to in the bedroom too.)

But….. that’s not really what i think David wants. If he did want these things, he’d be doing it. Or maybe he does want it, but it’s just not a practical way to live 24-7, 365-a year. So maybe “just” being a submissive is the better way to do things…. most of the time and a sex-slave “only on occasion.”

The author continued by saying, “The servant is obligated to do things the master’s way, and if they’re a good servant, they should work on not acting too resentful while they’re doing it. A good thought process…..might be “No one is going to die if I do things Master’s way.””

This is true for all service rendered by a sub to her Dom. And for me, in the daily-submissive-wife-things i typically do think this way. i often find myself thinking, “while this isn’t how i would do it, my way isn’t necessarily better or his worse even… so just do it his way and be ok with it.”

But when it comes to wanting to be “more” for sexual activities (read “sex-slave”), i ultimately want to have my entire sexual being become his play toy at any time or any place he wants. But David wants it a different way. And i need to be be ok with that. i need to learn to do it his way, which for me feels “less” than what i want to give and what i think he deserves. But at the end of the day, …..I never want to be the source of his disappointment or him having to figure out how to like what i want to give and let’s face it: “no one is going to die if i do things Master’s [David’s] way.”

i suppose most of this is common sense really, but it was also a lightbulb moment for me in that thinking of…. “of course that makes sense. It’s the best way for the D/s relationship to truly work in harmony”. That said, if it was ALL common sense for everyone, there wouldn’t be a need for the Book i am reading to have been written at all! Right??

Anyway…. i have realized my submissive wife homework is to become more in tune with:

1) is this service (any service, including sexual) something David wants or is it something i want him to want?

2) if it’s the latter, what would he want?

3) and if it’s the former, am i doing it in a way that’s fully pleasing to him?

i am really enjoying this book… maybe you should consider reading it too. It’s not just for subs either!

Hugs,

Marie