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Tag: husband in control

210 – The BIG O. Under lock and key.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 210 – The BIG O. Under lock and key.

i am feeling a little depressed tonight. David is near going to sleep. And i found myself thinking he needed to turn out the lights already so i could put my hand down under the covers and masturbate….

All the way to orgasm!

i was fully intending to do so. And i didn’t give a flying rat’s ass about NO-vember. It’s dumb. It was self imposed. He only started it because of me saying it, and it is … well….. VERY dumb.

i found myself thinking, “i am a good person, i deserve to be able to touch myself. This is MY body. i was so stupid to want to be a submissive wife. If i were instead a “normal” wife, i’d be able to do whatever the FUCK i wanted to!”

i continued, “i could FUCK myself anytime i wanted with anything i wanted… a dildo, a vibrator, another live-man- cock, hell even a wooden spoon from the kitchen if i wanted to!”

And i continued …… with how stupid i am to even come up with the idea of NO-vember in the first place. i mean, who in their right mind says, “hey, i don’t want to orgasm or have sexual highs for an entire 30-fucking days?!?”

W-H-Y can’t i be “normal”? W-H-Y can’t vanilla sex and being my husband’s equal be enough for me?! WTF was i thinking becoming a submissive wife who can’t even orgasm on her own time??

And as i lay beside him thinking all these things, OF MY OWN DOING, i got up, went to the closet, and locked myself up in my chastity belt. i decided i needed chastity. And i will sleep in it once more.

This is the second night in a row now. All these thoughts came just the SECOND night of wearing the chastity belt to sleep. But it wasn’t the belt that was causing my temper tantrum… it’s the elusive O that i am chasing and unable to have.

CHASTITY…. THIS is what i ultimately need. Whether i belong to David or not, of which i DO (!!) self control seems to be beyond me. i am at one week of self-imposed (and being enforced by David) “NO ORGASM,” and i am having withdrawals. i am an addict wanting my drug of choice: the big natural high of a big O!

i am addicted to sex and to orgasms specifically. i do indeed get “High” with the sexual release of the O. The very minute i come, that natural release of hormones brings me peace and happiness. i feel tension subside. i feel a spreading of warmth throughout my body as my blood rushes around inside me. Or said another way….. a “drug addict high”. And this drug is so much better than any other because it is: 1) natural, 2) legal, 3) FREE! and 4) the biggest of all: available ANY TIME.

And yet…. It’s NOT. Not available any time. Not to me anyway. Because i gave up my rights to the big O and the owner of them says NO. i am not allowed to play with HIS toys… or chase the Big O.

i am at the place where when someone goes to rehab, (at least in the movies), they are desperate to do whatever it takes to get that drug they think they must have! They start begging for it. They plead. They are strung out and look terrible, and they don’t care. As the movie watcher, we know that drug they crave is killing them and they need to get over it already. Yet… they don’t see it that way, at least not yet.

Well here i am ….…. “Hello, my name is Marie and i am an O addict!”

But having orgasms, as much as i want anyway, isn’t good for me. It’s not mine. i gave it up a long time ago. Willingly. To my Sir. And when i DO get to climax, it should be appreciated and loved, and cherished… both the O itself AND my Sir for wanting me to feel it with him too.

i shouldn’t be able to take it back any time i want, just because i want it. i am not a little kid that gets to throw a temper tantrum and get my way.

And being a submissive wife is what i also know is good for me. And him. And our entire family! As i have said before numerous times, our relationship is so much stronger when we are doing our D/s thing. We fight way less (and btw… usually November is our worst month of the year for our relationship where we tend to fight more than ever. Not this year though!)

And vanilla sex is … well… vanilla. Boring. And …. Allowing my husband to lead my family, including me (AND for him to OWN my SEX) is a choice that matters. THIS is good for me.

So. i put on the belt of my own volition. And i handed him the key.

As i did so, i asked Sir, “do you like this look?”

The “look” being that i am wearing exactly two things: 1) my collar, and 2) my chastity belt. Nothing else.

He said, “no, I do not. I wish you had more self control. But now at least we both know you can enjoy your porn without orgasm tonight again.”

i wanted to cry. Not sure if it’s because he’s right or because i didn’t want him to be right.

So even as i sit and type to you, i am saddened that i am NOT able to have a natural self control, but that i am smart enough to know…. Chastity is what i ultimately need. And while i am not exactly pleasing to my Sir at this exact moment, he knows that i need the chastity belt too.

Knowing that i do NOT need to succumb to my sexual appetite and expelling the desire to orgasm. Is what i need. And abstaining from Orgasm for 30-days is a good thing! i shouldn’t be so addicted to anything, including my drug of choice…. My own sexual body parts.. or more accurately, that feeling if the HIGH that i get from my body parts!

But i won’t lie…. my tits are beautiful as i look past them to type to you. And my clit is feeling every movement of my iPad as it rests on my belly (and the belt) for me to type out this message. No joke, my clit is SO sensitive right now, it is feeling every single tap on the screen as it moves the pad just enough that it is causing my clit to swell. i can feel my clit pressing against the metal and i am becoming incredibly aroused! And ultimately my clit still thinks i am stupid as it presses harder and harder against the metal bars it is held underneath. And my pussy is also begging for release.. from chastity AND from this NO-orgasm prison sentence it is under.

But ultimately, maybe i do have “just enough” self control too as my mind says “NO! Be strong!” Of course, now as i sit in chastity, i really have no choice in the matter. But did i even really have a choice before???

Tell me i am not stupid, or crazy, or … well… i don’t know. Maybe i am those things and you can’t. i get it.

Just to be clear…. i am not upset i am wearing a belt to sleep in. In fact, i am grateful it’s here and on. It has given me a bit of mental reprieve to have this O taken further away from my literal grasp! Because it’s just an arm’s length away, but now, underneath lock and key it’s in its place. And that gives me mental relief to be able to stay the course and still not capture the O that i so desperately feel i need!

As i go to sleep… again in chastity…. Just know i give you all my many hugs… but not my O, because even i do not own that. i do not even have the key……

And yes, NORA, this is me and my chastity belt.

Hugs,

Marie

207 – 24-hours. Is a long time.

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Today’s sexual escapade is….. an anal plug.

Yeah, i know, that doesn’t sound like a big deal anymore, right? Kinda not as it is part of my routine in a regular basis really. But today David (and i both) amped it up a notch.

It turned into a game today.

For whatever reason, that even i admit, i do not know WHY…. But …. i have had a “goal” of wearing an anal plug for a consecutive 24-hours. To date, i have never achieved this goal. The longest i’ve worn one was 12-hours, so a good long way still from the full 24-hours.

*** note to anyone wearing a plug long term — if your body says it hurts and it needs to come out: it should. It’s your body’s natural way of telling you something is not right. And if you ignore that body signal, and do NOT take it out, you could end up caused by bodily harm to yourself.

^^ this is why i have not ever made it 24-hours. My body says “nope. Done” and i listen to it!

So back to today…. Sir said he was going to insert the plug this morning. (Sometimes he tells me to do it.)

That means i get the plug ready with lube. And then i assume A position (not THE position to be spanked, but substantially similar too!) …. On the bed, on all 4’s, shoulder and head on bed, and both of my hands spreading apart my ass cheeks.

And in goes the plug! i feel it press to my hole and it just keeps going!

Sometimes Sir goes slowly, and sometimes not. Today, he did not. i (sort of) flinched as he pressed it in fully seating itself in my ass. i flinched at the very moment it pressed past my sphincter muscle. He said, “what? Why flinch? You should be used to this by now.”

“Yes, i should indeed. But today, it just felt like a bit ‘extra’ too”

He said, “hmm. Well. Maybe we need to do more of this.”

(As if to say i don’t already do it a lot!)

With that, i started off for the day.

After getting to work, i texted to remind him that i have a date night with a (plutonic) girlfriend where i’ll be home late.

** As an aside: i had previously obtained authority to go out with my friend-who-is-a-girl. While this isn’t officially a rule for me, i almost always do ask like this, “would it be ok if i went …..blah blah blah”. He typically asks details including where, when, cost, etc. And almost always Sir says yes. So despite the fact it isn’t a rule AND he almost always says yes, i do this as an extension of the rule “show respect at all times.” While it’s obviously not a requirement, it seems to me to be respectful to ask to be absent during what is typically “family time.”

In response to my reminder text, he asked me if i was going to wear the plug the entire time i was away, which would amount to having the plug in for about 15-16 hours.

(** it should be noted that it is expected that i always wear the plug, or any other device inserted/attached as long as possible or until Sir decides its time to come out, whichever comes first. But even if i need to take it out, i must ALWAYS ask. That permission is always granted, but it goes back to the “show respect” rule that generates the question. And it keeps David ultimately aware and more or less in control!)

i thought about his question for just a minute and said, “i’m not certain. i hope so. But if i get that far, i would think i could likely just go on to sleep and get the full 24-hours.”

To which Sir texted back, “there may be a reward if you do.”

And i wrote, “ Oohhh yeahhhhh??? What kind of reward???”

He said, “if the plug is there in the morning, when I tell you to Assume the Position for Maintenance, instead of being spanked, I will replace the plug with my cock and fuck your ass. If it’s not there, then maintenance may be particularly intense. Your choice.”

Oh wow!

So my ass will be fucked …. or spanked ….tomorrow morning. Pleasure or pain?!

** many of you might be thinking “PLEASURE? What pleasure?”. i’m sure you see this as a choice of pain INSIDE or pain OUTSIDE, but in no way is there PLEASURE. To each his own. i love anal sex and i find it a huge turn on! Even to the point that, without any touch to my pussy, i can achieve orgasm, which not everyone can do. It’s harder and definitely not as good, but it happens! Of course, i didn’t ask but i have to assume either way – fucked or spanked- i won’t be allowed to orgasm. Because it IS still NO-vember of course. And at this point already, i suspect that if i am anal fucked, i would orgasm easier than us usual!

*** i should also mention, NO-vember is about ME not orgasming. Nothing to say David is abstaining. i mean, why should he? Anytime he’s ever put me on EDGE and not allowed orgasm, he still does his thing… masturbate sometimes, but also uses my holes sometimes too. So even “if” he fucks me tomorrow, it will be for him to play with my mind… and possibly get himself off in the process too.

**** i should also say, i don’t see any of this as punishment, but a rather fun mind-game. It’s incredibly hard mind you, but absolutely still a fun game. i (strangely) enjoy this very much.

So…… What’s your bet — fucked or spanked?

Pain or Pleasure?

Orgasm or denial?

i have a feeling i know which of all those will be the likely outcome……. As the odds are NOT in y favor!

Hugs,

Marie

203 – It’s officially NO-orgasm-vember!

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Sometimes i play mind/DOM games with myself. In times when i am feeling particularly submissive but David is not quite as “DOM” as i particularly feel is needed, i play games with myself.

When i become “needy”…. i NEED a lot more domination and i need to have my full submission required… and tested.

That’s when i start the mind games with myself.

In some ways, and maybe in some people’s minds, this isn’t exactly appropriate to “play with myself.” After all, i should rely on David to know what’s best… for both of us. i admit, that is true. But i am still needy. And when i try to ignore my (extreme) need to be dominated, it tends to cause angst and distress…. Which leads to trouble. So instead of bothering him, i decide to play games with myself. Nothing (usually) that is against the rules, just amping it up a notch is all. (i know…..justification…. But.. still!)

i decided yesterday that i need to be reminded for the rest of the month of NO-vember (or at least until my birthday on the 25th), that my sexual pleasure is not up to me. i sometimes need to be reminded that my sexual neediness is not appropriate as i am supposed to be needy for him and not for me!

So …. i decided to deny myself any (ultimate) sexual pleasure but to tease myself a LOT for the rest of the month! i decided every day i will edge myself first thing in the morning. Then i will wear something to work every day under my clothes – rotating between an Anal plug, chastity belt, and pussy dildo. This would happen every-single-day, as a physical reminder to be submissive ALL day EVERY day. When i have sexual reminders, it carries from my sexual, to the physical, to my mind, where i say (and do) things more respectful, more kind, and less aggressive too.

My ultimate intent is that this will make me more sexually needy for Sir, while denying myself simple (and easy!) pleasures.

What i didn’t count on (or even think about) was that David may want to pleasure me for his pleasure…. Especially so soon.

Wouldn’t you know … 24-hours after i started this….. i had to tell him.

i was standing naked, in our closet after edging myself, deciding what to wear for the day, when he came in. He tweaked my nipple while asking me if i wanted a reward for being a good girl.

Of course i wanted that! But i had JUST edged and told myself to be a good girl and STOP. Literally stop. So i didn’t go over the edge, but also stop being so needy. And to prepare for a plug for the day. i was officially in my own submissive mind!

So while i didn’t intent to… i hesitated in my response. i hesitated too long and he heard the pause. He also saw the conflict in my eyes. And he said, “what?”

So i told him.

i said, “i don’t think i need to orgasm for the rest of NO-vember … or at least until my birthday. i think i have been too needy lately, so i thought i would deny myself that pleasure while not bothering you. But if you want to give it, then i will take it!”

Well …. He smiled and said, “huh. Well. Sounds reasonable. Lay on the bed anyway.”

He put his head between my legs and proceeded to lick his pussy until it was very-very-VERY needy. And then he stopped. He said, “I like your thinking. So in keeping with NO-vember, that’s enough.”

i was begging him for release. i said, “Please don’t stop Sir!” He smiled and said, “well, I have to say NO. After all, it is NO-vember!”

He lifted himself up where we were face to face. He was fully clothed as i was naked, and i tried rubbing against his pants with my needy pussy in hopes i’d be suggesting he should get naked too. Instead, he said, “DO NOT cum!” And lifted himself and then me off the bed, gave my ass a good smack and said, “now go dress for work already.”

So with a plug in my ass, i was off to work. Tomorrow it will be chastity, and the next an inflatable dildo in my needy pussy. Maybe it will stop being needy … but i kinda doubt it!

i suppose my mind games just got real for both of us. And now my birthday should be explosive!

Hugs,

Marie

199 – Variations on “Defer to his authority”

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i have written wrote about “the rules” before and i am working on another such post. Our rules are set. Unchanging. And so,etc,es there there are impromptu or for-today or because-i-can rules set into motion too.

Ultimately these would fall under the general category of “deferral.” The fact he has ultimate authority and decision-making power means that he can set into motion any new rule he wants to. And my job is to defer to him and his authority. Now mind you, i trust he won’t set anything in motion that i would ultimately take disagreement to anyway… but he ever did, I know i can talk reason into him too.

Today he decided I needed to wear an anal plug to work. For no reason really.

Maybe the “reason” is to serve as a reminder that he’s in charge. Or maybe as a tangible and constant FEELING of his authority. Or maybe just to see if i’d obey, which i will. Or maybe he wants me to think of him allllll day.

Or maybe he intends to use that hole for his personal pleasure and is getting it ready today. Or maybe to get me sexually charged up with NO ability to do anything about it (i am headed to work after all!)

Or maybe to mess with my mind and make me wonder about all these things and it’s nothing at all.

Not only did he decide an anal plug would escort me to work today, but he was to be the one to put it in its place too. He said, “get a plug, get it ready (with lube), and get into position.”

This position means to bend over, spread my legs, and hold my ass cheeks apart.

He came and said, “what a pretty sight to see my little girl.” And with that, he picked up the plug and i felt the tip press against my opening.

i held my breath as he pressed it inside. I always know the EXACT moment it pushes past the sphincter muscle as the pressure immediately subsides.

Even though i knew it was in, i also knew not to move just yet. He pressed it deep and played with the plug just a moment saying, “it won’t go any further in unless I press it in. Do you like that feeling?“

Now, i wouldn’t say i liked the feeling, but i did like that he liked it! So by a roundabout, i did indeed like it. i told him this too. And he slapped my ass in a hard, but good-fun way, and said, “ok, free to go to work now.”

As i let go of my ass cheeks and stood up, i felt the plug position itself between my legs and deeply in my ass. He always has me wear a thong on plug days so it holds it in as far as possible too. In fact, the thong is really about 1-2 sizes too small, which makes the string part ride up between my ass cheeks further, so it serves its purpose even better.

As always, i said, “thank you Sir.” And i kissed him.

So now i am off to work. i have no doubt he will ask me a couple of times today how it is feeling, and of course, as the day goes on it will become increasingly less pleasurable. But the fact that he wants it there and i am his submissive and intend to do as i am told…. It will be in its place a very LONG time today.

Have an amazing day my friends!

Hugs,

Marie

196 – Zipper fun and games.

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We went out with some of our besties, another couple, that we haven’t seen in awhile, on Saturday night. We had so much fun. It was intended to be just some fun getting together for dinner and talk. Unbeknownst to each of us girls, before we even left our respective houses our men had amped it up a (sexy) notch….

i was standing in the closet naked staring at my wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear, and becoming more and more anxious about this decision when David came in asked, “What are you going to wear tonight?”

i responded with, “Not entirely sure yet.”

He then handed me a bag and said, “I’d like you to wear these.”

i had NO idea what was in the bag, but i shrugged and thought, “Oh yeah… a surprise… AND decision made!”

i smiled, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, “Thank You Sir!” He smiled back, turned and left as i opened the store bag to see what it held.

There were a new pair of jeans inside. Oh yah! i love being comfortable in jeans. Perfect!

i pulled them out to discover they had a zipper all the way around from the top of the front to the top of the back. i could quite literally unzip them into two halves if i wanted to. Oh what FUN these could be! My mind went to a sexy dark place, but i knew to “keep it clean now!” because tonight’s dinner was just about catching up with old friends without kids!

i quickly slid them on and they fit perfectly! Now just to find a shirt that showed off these sexy jeans. i decided on a (probably tooooo) low cut shirt and some heels to complete the outfit. i looked and felt sexy! Perfect!

After David dressed too, we were off. In the car he reached over and grabbed my hand, looked at me and smiled. He complimented me several times saying things like, “you are looking stunning tonight my love. I love you so much baby girl!”

While i’d like to say that was normal (being complimented on a whim without asking/fishing for it), it’s not. Especially when i heard the terms of endearment, i couldn’t help but think there was more to tonight’s dinner than i realized. So in an effort to sleuth for more information, i asked, “what was that for?”

David smiled and said, “all in due time. Just remember that you are always my submissive wife.”

i knew what he meant by that. You probably do too by now!

He may as well have said, “I will never cause you to be in harms way, nor will I allow things to go too far and you will never be in danger of any kind – including being arrested, going to a hospital, or any other similar extreme situation. Just trust me and do as I say.”

So, i smiled and thanked him. i instantly felt half anxious and half excited, but definitely on alert now, about the evening’s events!

We arrived to the restaurant first and David asked for a booth for the four of us. When we went to sit down, he sat across from me which was strange but i didn’t question it either.

Then our friends arrived and her husband sat down next to me and had her sit next to David. i could tell she wasn’t sure what to make of this either, so clearly K had not told her anymore than David had told me but she sat down next to David nonetheless.

When K sat next to me, he smiled and said, “hey sexy!” and he leaned in to kiss me as if he was my spouse instead of David. While all four of us have flirted back and forth with one another, we had never done anything beyond that. So this was totally unexpected. i even pulled back as i wasn’t sure what to make of this, and that was enough to cause him to laugh out loud.

That’s when i saw David’s hand move onto J’s leg thigh and he said to her, “Hey sexy! How are you?” i could tell my friend J was as completely in the dark about this as i was. She looked at me and i gave her a “i don’t know either!” Kind of look.

While his hand never moved from J’s leg, David spoke up and said, “K & I talked beforehand. We decided it’s time the four of us stop teasing and start doing. How much we do tonight, or even who does what exactly, will depend on you two.”

Continuing on David said, “In case you didn’t notice, you both have on matching jeans tonight. They have a full zipper from front to back. If we wanted to, we could take them all the way in two and have full access to anything and everything just that easily.”

“Tonight we will swap husbands. You should act and convince everyone around us in this restaurant or otherwise that the spouse you are sitting next to is your own. The more convincing you are, the more your zipper stays zipped. The less convincing… well… it comes down. But of course, you shouldn’t overdo your act either as ..well… that’s not convincing either.”

“Oh and the person deciding whether you are convincing enough.. or maybe even TOO much will be you. J will decide about Marie and Marie will decide about J. You will need to speak up and say something like, ‘not good enough,’ at which time I will decide how far to unzip J’s jeans and K will do the same for Marie,” David said as he smiled big.

He finished with, “After dinner, K & I decided we will all go walking along the water way area and we will end up at the park where we can sit on the benches while people watching and chatting. Let’s all hope it’s not the other way around where other people are watching us because you two haven’t been convincing enough about your spouse-for-tonight. You wouldn’t want to have your pants half way down to your knees because you failed to act properly, would you?!”

And he ended his little speech with, “Any questions about our little game tonight?”

i could tell by the look on J’s face she was as surprised at this as i was. She was one of my best friends and i couldn’t imagine telling her she wasn’t doing good enough at acting like David was her spouse, to the point i told David to unzip her pants in public. And judging by the look on her face i was pretty sure she was thinking the same too.

K must have read my mind as he turned and saw the same look on J’s face as i saw. He looked at her and said, “J, I can tell you aren’t too sure you can do this. I should tell you that David & I are prepared to also unzip either of your pants if we think you are holding back. In fact, David, my wife is overthinking this right now. So unzip an inch on her front zipper please.”

We all looked at David where he said, “Thought you’d never ask. Happy to do so!”

And with that, since his hand was already still on her thigh from before, i saw his arm move to wear his elbow was up in the air near her chest, where he pressed into her just a slight bit to cause her back to touch against the booth backing, and i assumed her pants were slightly undone.

She then looked at me and said, “ok. Fine. Game on!”

And we all laughed…. Game on indeed!

TO BE CONTINUED……