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Tag: deep thoughts

175 – Craving normalcy.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 175 – Craving normalcy.

As most of you know, i live in Texas. We have 254-counties, 2nd largest in the US in land mass (Alaska #1), and 2nd largest in population (California #1),

If Texas was a country today, we would have the 10th largest economy in the world.

Our motto is “The Friendship State”. And most people say that they’ve never met anyone friendlier than a Texan.

But i am not feeling very friendly at the moment.

Instead, i am feeling quite cranky. We are in the midst of the worst cold storm in over 30-years – since 1989. The lowest temp recorded in history was 5 (Fahrenheit) recorded in 1930. And while i don’t know for certain, i think we tied that last night. So in other words, this is the coldest week of my entire lifetime and many (many!) years before that also.

We have now had 36-consecutive hours below freezing, which (as far as i can find online) has never happened before. It is the first time all 254-counties have been in a State of Emergency at the same time.

We went for 36-hours without power inside our house, and now for the most recent 24-hours we have gone 4-hours off for 2-on. While it is currently on, my house is warm. But when it is off, the temp plummets quickly. At one point it was 45-degrees INSIDE my house.

Just for fun i looked up “what is the average temp inside my refrigerator.” And the answer was 37. So it was feeling similar in my house to being inside a refrigerator! Think about that for a second.

The primary reason for all this trouble is due to the Texas public utility entity called ERCOT. They are responsible for the making and/or buying of electricity, who then sends it to the suppliers, who then sends it to the customers. ERCOT failed to test the turbines (with fossil fuels) before this storm that we had a week’s notice of, AND didn’t use common sense to appreciate that the windmills (naturally made electricity) would freeze up and be useless. And (apparently) 13-other states offered to sell us electricity before the storm hit, and ERCOT declined. So 30% of Texas’ electricity went off the grid and there was nothing that could be done about it after that… except pray and wait. (i don’t typically advocate for people’s heads to roll…. but… this is one time i think someone should be held accountable!)

You have no idea how much you use electricity until you don’t have it. While i do not like the cold, snow, or ice… i can deal with it when it doesn’t invade my home like an unwanted guest.

Many people have lost water due to frozen pipes as well. So on top of no electricity, they also have no water. And they may well have house-pipe-Sheetrock and construction issues soon too. Some of our friends and family have already found busted pipes, despite the fact they are still quite frozen. We are thankful to not being made to deal with that situation, and i am literally praying we don’t either! One of our friends has been told they are number 25 on the list for the plumber to get to their house and to not expect them to be able to get there for several days.

This is on top of boil alerts now too because the water cleaning power plants are failing due to cold…. and no electricity. One store had milk in stock, but couldn’t sell it due to electricity gaps where they “couldn’t guarantee the milk was still ok to drink”. And a hospital had 8,000 vials of the covid vaccine that, after also losing power for too long, had to dump them.

This looks to be our current situation continuing through to Friday. By Saturday-Sunday it will all be gone and be a balmy 65 degrees. By the weekend, we will just have to clean up the remnants of this debacle on which i pray will be little for us personally!

David feels helpless and i understand, but i keep reassuring him he is doing everything possible and keeping our family as normal as he can. Admittedly the last 24-hours have been better than the 36-hours prior to that! So i do see improvement.

Say a prayer for us and all of the Great State of Texas, and specifically my mental capacity to deal with this “unprecedented historic time”. (Have heard those words so many times over the last year between weather and COVID, i am just completely sick of them).

i just want to go back to being normal. i won’t be complaining about anything for a long long time. i am grateful for so many things… in spite of the difficulties i am currently in.

Just to remind myself … here’s a few of them:

My husband… taking care of us the best way possible,

My son… for not complaining about the situation that we can’t control

My sister and her family… who are in the midst of this right beside us too… nor are they complaining about any of this either.

My friends … for checking on us and vice versa, providing so much needed mental strength and compassion to one another

My resilient house… for not having broken pipes… hopefully at all… but definitely not at the moment. And providing immediate warmth and comfort through good insulation when the electricity has been on.

My dogs… for being easy going and snuggling with me to help me feel better.

My job… and co-workers… for being understanding, patient, and trying to help one another wherever we can.

My (and my family’s) health … for not having life threatening situations or conditions among us that would have otherwise also caused more complications in this storm.

And finally… for the reprieve from the constant no-electricity that has allowed us to shower and have a warm cup of coffee. A shower and coffee resets your attitude and gives you the refresher to be able to say, “i can do this!” mentality.

i will be better by this weekend…. but right now… time can’t move fast enough! Thanks for listening to me rant, for the prayers to move time forward to Sunday, and for your love too!

Hugs,

Marie

172 – The Masks We Wear. The figurative ones.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 172 – The Masks We Wear. The figurative ones.

i like to read books… occasionally. i’m not an avid reader, but when i find an author that holds my attention and isn’t predictable, i devour everything they have to say. At least until they become predictable and then i am done with that one too.

i wouldn’t say i necessarily have a favorite genre because the authors i like most, are vastly different in their writings. In case you are wondering, here’s a few of my favs (in no particular order): John Grisham (lawyer-mystery), Kristin Hannah, Sara Bruen and Kathryn Stockett (general fiction), Veronica Roth and Suzanne Collins (Teen Fiction), (also general fiction)…. and i’d be amiss if i didn’t mention Erotica too (Annabel Joseph and Cara Bristol).

Even still, i don’t typically read everything from those authors because within themselves they tend to become…. predictable.

Recently i read a new author and I haven’t decided yet if i like her work or not, but she talked a lot about “the masks we wear.”

The author wrote the book long before covid was a thing. So she wasn’t talking anything about germ-protection, but rather fully about how very different we are to one person compared to another. Say for example how we act or say at work with co-workers, compared to what we say or do when we are at home with family would not necessarily be the same.

What we reveal to one person about ourself wouldn’t be the same as what someone else knew (or thought they knew) about us.

It made me think about how (sometimes) if someone knew that “one part of me,” they may think differently about me and would they think good/bad about it?! And for me, that one thing would be about my DD marriage. i tell you here about my DD life because i think you understand but many people probably wouldn’t. And if they did understand, they possibly/probably wouldn’t approve.

i think disciplining a wife was so commonplace at one time and in a prior, different generation that people didn’t talk about it. Meaning, in the 1950’s and prior, husbands spanked their wives and it was so common then, that people didn’t talk about it anymore than they’d talk about cleaning the toilets. Something like, “We all do it and it’s part of life, so there’s nothing noteworthy to even talk about.” Or another analogy might be like if you asked someone then, “anything exciting happen today?” That because spankings were just part of the norm, it wouldn’t even have registered as an “event” worthy enough to even be discussed.

Now, in this generation, post the 60’s women’s movement, it’s turned into something of a faux pas that no one talks about it still now either. It’s hard to know who spanked their wives in that 50’s and before generation(s) because people didn’t talk about it. And it would be the same now not knowing who is spanked for people still not talking about it. But now people don’t talk about it because it is a hidden, under-a-mask (or a veil) kind of topic.

i suspect if you met me in real life, you’d not even know we do this. Because i don’t talk about it in real life either. Part of why i don’t talk about it is because (like the 50’s housewife), it is just the norm of what we do, but also (like the 2021 wife that i am), it isn’t socially acceptable.

i quite literally put on a mask outside my house to protect myself from covid, but also i put on a figurative mask to hide my “secret” about being a spanked wife and that’s ok. As in the quote from Batman, i wear a mask “not to hide who i am, but to create what i am.”

And i am a submissive wife, who is spanked regularly.

Why do we wear masks? Why can’t we be ourselves? Why can’t we reveal ourselves, fully, to those around us?

i think it’s for fear of being rejected or judged. We all want to be liked and rejection is hard. It cuts to the core. We don’t want that other person to dislike us for any reason.

But in the process of trying to be liked, do we end up masking ourselves so much that we morph into someone we aren’t? i would say, i don’t (morph into someone i am not).

While yes, it is more or less a secret to most of my world that i am a spanked wife, other than that one thing about me and my marriage, i am (mostly) the same person to everyone i interact with.

In fact, it’s kind of a secret that David and i do this that we have “hidden in plain sight.” We make comments sometimes that only we would get the double-meaning and no one around would even know. Like for example, tonight i was going to take the dog for a walk and i told her to sit (to get her leash on) and she just wouldn’t. i said, “she is so stubborn. If she’d be a bit more cooperative it would be helpful.”

To which my husband said, “smack her on her bottom if she needs it. It works well when she feels the burn in her butt to get to do as she’s told. Right?”

And i laughed and said, “yes Sir, that is true.”

Our son heard it all and thought nothing of it, other than she’s a disobedient dog.

Looking back, i am pretty convinced my grandfather spanked my grandma too. She would get all wound up about something and he would raise his eyebrows and call her by her first and middle name with a tone that said, “calm yourself down now or else….”. And she did.

i always wondered why saying nothing other than her name would get my fiesta grandma to her change her tone and behavior so quickly. Even though i never saw or heard anything definitive to know this for certain, i am now convinced she was spanked and a submissive wife. i wish she were still alive for me to ask her about it.

But i doubt i would have the courage to ask because… we hide behind masks. Literally and figuratively. And we only show the parts of ourselves to those around us that we allow them to see. Because rejection stinks.

i guess i will never know for sure.

What do you think… was your mom or grandma a spanked wife too? Would you have the courage to ask?

(Oh, and i am hoping the literally mask-era comes to an end soon.. but i am not too optimistic either.)

Hugs,

Marie

166 – Giving

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 166 – Giving

i follow many other bloggers and read their posts (just about) daily. One such blogger is SubMissy. She has an amazing site and she writes so very well, which is very inspiring. She also does blog post prompts to which i am going to now participate in….

CURRENT PROMPT IS……

This month is all about giving. All good relationships are based on give and take, so how does giving work in your dynamic? Or why not focus on what you have done this season to make giving a priority? How does giving work with your headspace and where does giving and receiving fit for you?

So here’s my post about GIVING.

We have all heard ……IT IS BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE …. and i wholeheartedly disagree.

Yep, i am writing about GIVING and yet, i disagree with one of the most well-known phrases about it. The reason why i disagree is, in my opinion, really rather basic.

IF WE ALL BUSY GIVING, THEN WHO IS RECEIVING? In order to allow someone to give, someone else has to (graciously and kindly) receive it.

i would prefer the phrase to instead to be something like, “GIVING AND RECEIVING IS PERFECTLY DONE WHEN IT IS A PERFECTLY COMPLETE CIRCLE.”

All to often, when we give to people, you hear the other one saying things back to you that sound like:

1) “oh thank you, but I can’t possibly accept this.” or

2) “You shouldn’t have” or

3) “But I didn’t get you anything” or

4) “I feel like your charity case”

i could go on, but i think these are prime examples of things that i have heard and probably even said at some point in my lifetime.

The trouble with all these is that if i want to give you something…. i needyou to accept it. With grace and thankfulness, not some awkward and strange reluctance or even flat out refusal (#1 above).

i love to give. But it takes an open and accepting and gracious person to receive those gifts in return to have us both feel good about it.

i give to people out of love. i often think, “i have more than i need, and their need is greater than mine at this time, so i want to give this to them.”

And frequently i have heard, “I’m not a charity case.” (#4 above) said back to me. It becomes awkward then. i typically say something like, “i didn’t mean to insult you” or “it’s just my way of helping.” And once i even said, “it’s better to give than to receive.” She said, “oh so now you are giving to me so you can feel better about yourself?” Uhmmmmmm. No.

Now neither the giver nor the receiver is feeling good about it, and honestly, quite the opposite has occurred! The negativity has now overtaken the entire situation. What started as something good, has turned sour in a hurry. All because there was a receiving heart to accept the gift that was freely given.

In my marriage though, we have a healthy give-receive relationship. i think most people think that a D/s relationship is all about the submissive giving of herself physically, mentally, financially, and the Dominant would be receiving of it all. While that’s substantially true, it works in reverse too. Sometimes i think most people wouldn’t really think about our Dominant as the giver also, but they are. And for him to give to me, i have to receive it with grace and thanks in order to complete the circle.

So i kind of want to turn this prompt inside out and talk about how my Sir gives to me and my responses to him. At least that’s where i start, but i end up with me giving too! You’ll see. 😉

PHYSICAL GIVING

My husband cooks and i clean. i NEVER COOK. And we are both quite happy with this arrangement. Neither of us really ever expects the other to do what we aren’t good at and we are grateful for the skills and gifts we have to offer the other.

But cooking isn’t the only gift he regularly gives me. Yes, he gives me spankings. Regularly. If you read my blog, it is chopped full of stories of punishment spankings and maintenance spankings in order to maintain our dynamic. Domestic Discipline (DD) is alive and well in our relationship. By intention design.

In other posts, i have also said numerous times, “i do not like to be spanked.” And it is true. But i accept it, in part because i see it as a gift from David.

He has taken his time and physical energy, to spank me. It is (one of) his gifts of love to me, along with his amazing chef-like skills too. He does it (a spanking) with love in his heart and the ultimate goal of guiding me in the way we want our marriage to go. To keep us on track and to keep doing good.

He cares about our marriage and me enough to give me spankings.

But how can he give me spankings if i don’t accept it with grace and thankfulness? It wouldn’t work at all. Can you imagine me saying, “oh you really shouldn’t have. I can’t accept this.” Or better, “But I didn’t get you one.” ??

Giving simply doesn’t work without someone else receiving. And preferably receiving with a grateful and thankful heart. So i receive with a thankful heart.

When we are done with the spanking, every time he stands me upright and hugs and kisses on me. And he tells me how much he loves me. He gives me hugs and kisses at the end of giving me a spanking.

He has never made me thank him, but i typically do. i want him to know that while this was a physical gift that i may not have wanted, i know he does it because he does indeed love me. And i agreed long ago to accept it openly and lovingly. So i thank him in order to give him reassurance that this gift he’s given is accepted with a loving heart in return.

*** Did you see what i just did there? i said, “i thank him in order to GIVE Him reassurance” about his gift to me. So in the mere act of receiving, the giving has now been turned back inside-right by me giving him something too.

He doesn’t seek my thanks, but he receives it with grace and pride too. It creates in him a feeling of pride and appreciation when i give him reassurances of my willingness to accept the gift he’s given me.

So ultimately a grateful receiving heart ends up turning into a gracious giving heart, creating a full and complete and perfect circle of giving!

Okay, yes, he also gives me physical/tangible/ real gifts. And i do my very best to thank him for all of them, as he does in reverse. And of course, this works in the perfect circle too.

One of the gifts i gave him for Christmas was a set of canes. We have never owned any canes so this will be a new experience for us both. We have talked about it, but neither of us has gifted the other with a cane, until now.

He finds these gifts oddly strange of me to give. He asks me, “Why would you give me a gift of something that will bring about the very thing (a spanking) that you tell me you don’t want to have?”

My answer is simple, “Because you love me enough to guide me and i accept these spankings as a reminder of who we are together. We grow together in our DD relationship with reinforcement of what we know works.”

And it’s true.

That’s when he gave me a devilish looking grin and said, “I can’t wait for Friday’s Maintenance now!”

MENTAL GIVING

While he is physically giving me a spanking, i am mentally giving him my submissive heart, mind, and soul.

A spanking with a paddle stings. It is maybe best described like a bee sting or a needle prick. It hurts, but on,y for a split second and it leaves behind a heat that is felt for awhile thereafter. And that’s just one swat, which a spanking never is. As the swats continue, the sting builds as well as the heat it generates to.

From the very start, i have to tell myself to relax and accept this gift he is giving. i mentally pray before we start as i wait for him to come into the room and that prayer typically shows something like, “Lord help me to accept this spanking with grace and understanding that it ultimately comes from his guidance of me, through your guidance of him. Please Lord give him the confidence and strength to lead our family and me especially in the ways you want us to go.”

At some point during a spanking endorphins release and i actually do start to accept with a thankful heart each swat he delivers. It starts to feel good. My mind relaxes and it brings me into the best receiving heart and mind possible. My thoughts move from, “But i didn’t get you anything” to “Please never stopgivingme your all!”

GIVING AND RECEIVING IS PERFECT ONLY WHEN IT IS A PERFECTLY COMPLETE CIRCLE

So maybe you can see that while maybe the giving part is the start of the circle, it also requires a receiving part. And by receding the gift, you are simultaneously giving your thanks. And that original giving person is also receiving your praise and graciousness. The circle is complete.

No one is ever JUST giving or receiving. It has to be a complete and perfect circle for it all to work. You have to give AND receive… always.

If you are guilty of saying these things that I mentioned above…. STOP. Instead, say something like:

1) “oh wow, I’m so grateful for your kindness.” or

2) “This is so amazing.” or just a simple…

3) “THANK YOU!” Is always perfect too.

And genuinely mean it, from a truly receiving heart!

(Oh and final thoughts on this day…… as we say goodbye to 2020, this year was a gift….. yes, this year has been incredibly hard but it is a gift to be alive, to have friends to miss, to be thankful for the times we can and eventually will be back together, and an opportunity to have a receiving heart for better times ahead with enormous thankfulness!)

Hugs,

Marie

143 – Intentional Dependence

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This post was made awhile ago. i woke up today to find it in my “drafts” instead of the “posts”. So…. one more technical problem. Sorry! But now that it has happened twice, i know what the problem is… i just have to determine how to fix it.

SO IF YOU READ THIS BEFORE, YOU CAN STOP NOW. OR… RE-READ FOR A REFRESHER. YOUR CHOICE…..

The last post (#142 Toughest Part) ended with me posing this question, also from a reader who emailed me…….

Why would i want to be dependent on my husband and how does he take on this responsibility without effectively having to become my parent?

This is a great question. It happens to be two questions wrapped into one. i think the first part (why would i want to be [that] dependent on my husband) is about me, but the second part (Responsibility….Without him having to become my parent) is about him.

The first part…. about ME.

(i like talking about ME! But don’t think i am that arrogant. It’s mostly because i know who i am. Whereas when i talk about others, i have to speculate about their intentions or thoughts. So it’s just easier to talk about me!)

Dependent upon my husband….. i happen to think every good marriage should be this way! Dependent upon one another. D/s or not!

If you don’t depend on one another, you don’t meld and bond. Like how a welder makes two things become one. The bond is stronger after he/she welds them together.

My nephew took a welding class in high school as an elective. When they had a project, the pass/fail test was to drop the “thing” on the floor. If it broke apart, it didn’t result in a good grade. If it stayed together, it was a passing grade. And how well it stayed together, fully or partially, determined how good the grade ultimately was.

Isn’t a marriage that way? If it falls and breaks, it is bound to fail. But if it falls, but holds together, that’s a sign of success! The key though isn’t to focus on the falling part, but the bond that holds it together in the first place. The stronger the bond, the stronger the two pieces welded together…. and a marriage too.

Which ultimately means…… when the two things depend upon one another they form a bond that is actually stronger together than apart. So from a submissive standpoint, i’d actually say being dependent upon my husband is critical and vice versa too.

Now that’s the result of being dependent… a stronger bond. But what dependence means is giving up control. Giving up the ability to say what i want, when i want, to whom i want. And not just speaking, but doing also.

It does NOT mean though that i am some robot and my remote control is in his hands. i still very much think on my own and make decisions! It just means i gain approval and authority for “big stuff” (or anything we previously agreed would be in his purview) before moving forward with my plan.

For example, i know that David loves to cook and he loves me to be home by 6 for dinner. If i want to go out to happy hour/dinner with friends, i have to ask first. But it’s not like he will (probably) say no. i mostly ask out of courtesy and respect. What if he already planned dinner, went to the store for the necessities, and had it half cooked when i just “announced” i wasn’t going to be home for dinner at all? That’s just rude. And inconsiderate. So…. i ask permission first rather than telling him. And when i ask, i am fully aware the answer may be “no.” And if it is no, i tell my co-workers that i’m not able to attend. i don’t have to give an explanation as to “why”, but if i do say why, it’s never derogatory about or towards David. i never say things like, “He won’t allow me to go.”

So ultimately why i want to be dependent upon him, is because i want to meld together with my husband that ultimately builds a stronger bond.

Which makes ME think the opposite… why wouldn’t you want to be dependent upon your spouse?

And that brings me to the second part…. how does he take on this responsibility without effectively having to become my parent?

We are each our own person. He is not “responsible” for me, i am! i am still responsible to dress, eat, work, abide by laws, and … well…. be responsible for me.

He is, however, the guiding light. He is the one to make final decisions. He is the one who should be in charge.

So he is not my parent, but rather the “head of household”. Just like there is one chief of the Indians, one Queen of the Royal Family, one President of the United States, and so on… there is but one Head of Household. And that’s not me. And i readily accepted my “second” in command as Vice President or Second in command.

We work best when only one of us are making decisions, and the other is following.

So ultimately he is not a parent to me anymore than the President is my parent. And yet, the President makes decisions and signs into law things that i abide by.

The difference between David and the President is David makes decisions that have a direct, literal, and VERY close-to-my-heart impact.

Now all that said, David does sometimes slip, not lead, or not be responsible. Because he’s sick, tired, worn out, or… stressed and depressed. No one acts the exact same way every day. And…. it’s ok.

But admittedly those are the times when our house doesn’t run as smoothly. We tend to have more troubles in our marriage and life when he is “off” than when he is “on.”

But…. that’s when we have to communicate even more, i have to try even more to be the best submissive i can be, and to be patient to get through those times as smoothly as possible.

And trust in our melded …. and welded…. marriage and lifestyle.

Hugs,

Marie

153 – Happy Birthday to me

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Today is my birthday.

Here is how i define myself:

– mother – of 1 boy, 16-years old. He’s an amazing son and almost always follows the rules. Just like me!

– Texan – my whole life, through and through.

– overall Conservative beliefs, but truly believe “vote the candidate, not the party”.

– believe everyone should be able to live their life with freedoms to do as they think and believe are best….. but that also means you don’t push those beliefs onto someone else, because they too have the ability to live as they believe best, which possibly (probably!) differs from your beliefs in part of full.

– kindness is the best attribute to have.

– love others as Jesus taught us to love: unconditionally. No matter their color, race, sex, or other trait.

– we should always be learning. Things that others are different from me, physical or mental, are simply opportunities for me to learn.

– handouts shouldn’t be given as freely as they are, i’d prefer to teach you to fish for a lifetime than to give you a fish for today’s meal. Again, opportunity to learn.

– but if someone is in truly need, the handout should be available and given freely.

– but assess whether you truly need it, or just want it, being honest with yourself and others.

– i am 49-years old. About to live the last 365-days in the 40’s decade of my life. And i am ok with that!

– i feel “old” some days and “quite young” others.

– age isn’t just a state of mind, because my body has regular aches and pains telling me it is starting to feel the decades roll past. (But key word is “starting”, so i’m not “old” yet either).

– friend to many, but especially to my husband and my sister. My sister has been with me from the start of life and my husband has been with me for half of my life.

– married. In January Sir and i will have been married for 20-years, dated for 5-before that.

– submissive wife. i try my best to be as submissive as possible, but recognizing i am not a slave either. i am his wife, who follows his lead and directive.

– get spanked for discipline and punishment when submissiveness fails, or it’s just a Friday for maintenance.

– recognize that i am not in control of much of anything. God is is in control of everything though.

– and that God gave men the directive to lead and love his wife.

– and God also said the wife is to follow, submit and obey, her husband. So i do.

– Christian. As you can tell from above. i believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior, and will one day come back to save us all from this failing world.

– a failing world in 2020 is where we are. But i know this is not my (ultimate) home.

– and i have come full circle in that while i want you to believe in Christ also, i won’t force it on you. But should you want to know or learn more, consider emailing me. i try to answer all emails, but sometimes i do miss some.

have a great and amazing day! This is the best Hump day in a long time!

Now go have my cake and eat it too!

Hugs,

Marie