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Tag: d/s marriage

260 – Active submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 260 – Active submission

Offering to submit may be either passive, as in yielding or surrendering, OR it can be active, as in gifting or offering.

i have recently started listening to various podcasts as i get my exercise in for the day. (Usually i walk 1-3 miles a day in the morning hours, before work.)

i try to listen to self-help type podcasts, specifically with the “submissive wife” or D/s type of content. i look for instructional how-to type podcasts. Because our dynamic is 24/7, meaning it’s more than just sex-scenes, i like to hear about helpful advice and best practices for being a good submissive wife type podcasts.

Recently i listened to one that the author talked about “active submission.” What it means, what it is, how to do it, and so forth.

Active versus passive. Dominant versus submissive.

Generally speaking, many people think the words “active” and “Dominant” go together, while “passive” and “submissive” go together. In fact, when you look up the word “passive,” one of the synonyms is “submissive.”

It would seem to reason that if passive and submissive are synonyms, then active and submissive are antonyms. That’s not quite true though. In fact, the antonyms of the word “passive” is not active, but rather unyielding, resisting, and protesting.

So based on that, i would argue though that while the seemingly natural combined words of passive and submissive can go together, they don’t always have to be paired that way. i think the the words “active” and “submissive” can and should also be put together.

The word “active” is defined as “engaging or ready to engage in physically energetic pursuits.” Any spouse, Dominant or submissive, should all be engaged, or ACTIVE, in their marriage.

If you think about the development of a relationship, it starts with the dating phase. We are always at our best then. We want to actively spend time with one another, seek out ways to impress one another, and generally present ourselves in ways that are pleasing to one another.

Then we “get engaged.” i think it’s funny how we say, “engaged to be married,” in reference to those desirous and working toward the goal of standing at the altar and saying I do. Here again, we are actively pursuing one another and “engaged” in the relationship with one another.

However, once that goal is achieved (of being married), we don’t see “engaging” as necessarily part of the formula thereafter. Once we get married, we settle into things … house, work, kids, pets, and .. well, life. Yet, i think we should be engaging in our marriage too! If we were all actively engaging in marriage, we might just have more success in being happy and staying married. i am, of course, NOT a marriage counselor, but just go with me for a minute here too.

Recognizing we are not always active or always passive, we should indeed have a mindset to engage with our spouse in the moment and in the way it is needed too. Add to this too, for one to be active does not automatically imply the other must be passive. It’s not a give and take thing, but rather a give and give thing. For one (or more) to be active only implies that one (or more) others must be accepting, which should go both ways!

So what does active Dominance or active submission look like anyway?

As mentioned, active dominance seems to be a natural concept for most people, so i think that one is easy. It means the Dominant gives instruction, sets expectations, makes decisions, has control, and delivers consequences when the submissive does not (quite or fully) measure up.

Active submission may seem to be more challenging then, as it would seem two people can’t both be active at the same time. It would seem to stand that if the dominant is active, then by default the submissive must be passive. i would disagree because remember, active means engaging.

Active does not mean forceful or getting your way or being in charge. So even an active Dominant does not (or should not) imply they are automatically forceful. They just have to be engaged in the well being of the marriage and family dynamic so that they make the decisions. And then the submissive should work to be engaging (or “active”) and accepting, but NOT forceful.

This is a good place for me to say that this “active submission,” thought process hasn’t always been the way i’ve thought it was for a submissive. In fact, i would probably say i have thought a submissive is passive, while a Dominant is active. i used to think this because as a sub, i thought we had nothing more to do that to follow orders. The extent of the “active” submission was to accept orders and to accept punishments, whenever the Dominant decided either was appropriate. But even then, in some ways, a submissive has to actively decide to accept the orders and punishments. But now, i know it’s really more than that…..

A few ways a submissive can be active include:

1) A submissive should seek out ways to serve. A submissive should observe her Dominant partner and find ways to serve him without him even having to ask.

i have known for ages that David drinks his coffee black. He only drinks one cup, almost immediately after waking up. And i am (almost always) up and awake before him.

i enjoy my morning quiet time on the couch drinking my coffee, surfing the net, writing to you, etc. i rarely turn on lights or tv, as i like the quiet and to watch the sun rise to light up the room naturally. i nearly always hear David when he wakes up. He’s not loud, but without artificial sounds in the house, just the natural noise that comes from the bedroom is audible.

i recently decided i should be more active in my submission and get his cup of coffee ready for him as he arises. So now, when i hear his stirrings, i hop up and make his coffee. By the time he comes out of the bedroom, i am standing at the ready for him to take his cup, kiss and greet me, and he goes off to drink his cup in peace.

It has come as a bit of a joyful surprise to him that i am doing this as he knows how much i enjoy my morning quiet time, and he has more or less left me to it in the past. i suspect at some point he will simply come to expect this level of active submits be part of our routine and not something to necessarily thank me for.

i do it because i have sought out a way to serve him actively. And he has noticed! First he was surprised, then he was pleasantly happy, and now he’s come to expect it. It when as he expects it, he is gracious and appreciative of it too.

(And in the last 2-weeks since our son has left for college, i do all this in the nude. This is intentional on my part too. i actively want David to see his cup of coffee and my naked body, ready to serve him, first thing in the morning as he rises. What better way to wake up and start the day could there be?!)

2) A submissive should respond with enthusiasm. When her Dominant asks (or expects) her to perform a task, do it happily and cheerfully and not begrudgingly.

While admittedly there are times i just don’t want to do it, i should first ask myself why. And if no legitimate reason exists, then do it. And do it with joy outwardly AND inwardly!

A dominant and a submissive can both be active. Here’s an example of a possible dialogue between David and i:

David: “Marie, I’d like to have a second cup of coffee today. Could you bring me one?””

Me: “Yes Sir.” (And i retrieve it).

Upon delivering the second cup….

David: “thank you.”

Sometimes i just say, “you are welcome Sir.” And sometimes i also say something like, “i enjoy being used and serve you Sir, in all ways. i look forward to the next opportunity to do so.”

This lets David know how happy i am to serve but i have actively responded with enthusiasm to his request by: 1) responding quickly and without delay, 2) filled his request the way that was pleasing, justas he asked, 3) opened the door for him to feel comfortable to give me more orders/ requests, where he now knows i will respond with enthusiasm.

3) A submissive should be observant and anticipate his needs. Whether it be sexual or otherwise, a submissive can provide active service to her Dominant when she’s observant to his needs.

When i notice David is sneezing, and when i am observant, i go get him a tissue, or the allergy medicine, or nose spray. He notices. He is thankful.

When i notice he is stressed out and tense, i ask if i can make things better by giving him a massage. Usually when he says yes to this, i try to get naked first. Sometimes nothing comes of it, but occasionally it does.

When i can make it a sensual massage, i do. Of course, he’s in charge and let’s me know if it’s ok to touch him sexually or not. And when he touches my body parts as i touch him, it (typically) leads right into an amped up sexual energy and release for both of us! (Oh la la!)

4) A submissive should never forget. When David gives me a task that can’t be done immediately, i (try hard) to not forget. Like when he texts and says, “Can you pick up more milk on your way home?” i can’t forget.

When i do forget, it gives the impression that i just don’t care enough about his request or about him as my Dominant to do as i was asked. David perceives this as disrespectful (another reference to Respect!) and he becomes incredibly irritated, if not mad, when i forget.

He says things like, “Now how am I supposed to finish cooking our dinner if you didn’t get the milk I needed? You just didn’t care enough to do as I asked.”

While i wouldn’t say it’s true (that i don’t care), it certainly presents like that!

So i give myself active reminders to ensure i don’t forget, like leaving myself a Post it note in my car, on my steering wheel. As i get in the car and see the note, i grab it up and hold it in my hand while i drive home. i make a point to not let go of it so that it is constantly “touching me” and i can’t (easily) forget.

i used to forget things like this ALL the time! i would apologize, promise to do better, make excuses about why i forgot and move on. And do it again. All it did was irritate and rub David raw. Of course, that was pre-DD (domestic discipline) and before he had alternative ways to handle his annoyance!

Now though, i just try to be an active submissive wife and try to never forget. It’s easier and ultimately better this way!

5) An active submissive should dress in ways that are pleasing to him. Always.

i never used to have the confidence to dress in ways that are pleasing to him, because i frequently saw it as slutty. Now, i frequently still think it is slutty, but i don’t care. If that’s what he wants, that’s what he gets!

i used to worry about what people might think if they saw me “that way.” Now i think, “let them think what they want. My husband is the only one who’s opinion matters, and he likes it when i dress this way.”

David has always asked me to wear short, cut off jean shorts. They were in style when we were first married and are once again in style (no comments about how old i am to see styles come and go and come again!). i NEVER even owned them before, let alone wore them. Now. Now i own two pairs and wear them every chance i get!

Likewise, he loves it when i wear low cut shirts too. i have large boobs and always worried about flashing people and hanging out too far. Now. Now i know if i am “too far” out, David will tell me. And then i will change it. But until then, i let the girls hang out as far as they want to. And i do it all with pride and confidence, because i am actively submitting to David’s will!

i actively seek out ways to dress in a pleasing manner to David. And i do with it with joy in my heart!

And then there is sex. A wife should always be available to her husband. While it can be overt or under cover, or somewhere in between, a wife should be a sexually pleasing being for her husband. i would say this is ultimately true for all wives, but especially ACTIVE submissive wives.

i would say since becoming David’s submissive wife, we have more (and better) sexual encounters than we ever did before. Why? Because i present myself in an inviting way that lets David know i WANT him.

i want HIM sexually, and non-sexually too, as my husband in any way he wants to give himself to me. He may choose not to do anything sexually at all, but when he does, i want him to always know i am open and available and ready. That holds true whenever and wherever he wants too.

He’s never going to do anything that gets either of us arrested, so i am never concerned about him asking for sex or sexual activity anywhere inappropriate. But if he wanted to throw me down in the grocery store aisle…. i’d let him! (But i know he never would!)

He calls me his submissive slut wife because i have slowly converted from being his prude wife to being a submissive wife to now being a submissive slut wife. i am proud to say, he’s right.

Why am i proud to be called a slut? Well, first i would only ever allow David to call me that. And second, he says it because i am that actively engaged in sexual activity with him that, like a slut, i make myself THAT wet and THAT eager and THAT desirous of it.

i flirt with David with my words and my touch, i rub against him, i talk slutty to him, i beg for his cock, and i am naked whenever i can be.

Oh, and a funny thing happens when you turn on those aroused sexual feelings all the time too. You suddenly want more. You can’t seem to get enough. And it fuels the submissive SLUT fore inside, that most every man would be excited about!

i even thank him every time for allowing me to touch, feel, and orgasm from whatever sexual activity he provided me. Sometimes i even thank him for saying no. While he usually laughs and thinks i am being sarcastic at this one, i explain that i AM thankful because he took the time to lead us and our marriage, thought it out, and he decided the answer was “no.”

But i NEVER say no to him. Ever. Not anymore. As i am an active submissive (slut) wife who wants and accepts his sex every-single-time he offers it to me! You could say i worship his cock and i give it the praise it is due!

i will end with….. these are just some of the ways i have become David’s ACTIVE SUBMISSIVE WIFE.

There are many, many, more ways. What would you add to the list? What do you do to be an active submissive or an active dominate?

i’d love to hear what else you’d add to the list! Comment below and let me hear from you.

Hugs,

Marie

259 – 24-hours. Is a long time.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 259 – 24-hours. Is a long time.

In chastity. Alone. As my Sir is away from home, i am locked up. i don’t have self control. Not enough anyway. i have a propensity to play with myself, without permission when left to my own devices. But not this time.

David left this morning and is home tomorrow morning. As i dressed this morning, the belt went on. And he hid the key somewhere in our house. i can ask for it if i truly need it, and i suppose i might could possibly find it if i looked. But. i won’t. i won’t ask or search on my own. Because i can do this. i am strong enough to endure.

i need to do this.

i need to prove i can follow orders.

i need to prove i can be strong.

i can be a good girl.

As David left, he kissed me, said how much he loved me, and then said, “Tryyyy to be a good girl.”

i laughed. i rolled my eyes. i said, “it’s a bit difficult to be bad when i am locked up Sir.” i am saying “Sir” a wholeeee lot now!

He smiled and said, “I’m sure you could find a way of you wanted to. But I’m sure you don’t. Correct?”

“Correct Sir.”

So how how did it go anyway?! Glad you asked….

6:15 a.m.

i went to David and as i was naked, i stood in front of him and spread my legs. And then i said, “it’s nearly time to lock up. Do you want to touch her before you leave?”

He looked at my puss and said, “nope! Sure don’t! Be sure to bring me the keys.”

Well, i wanted to pout. And beg. But i didn’t. Thankfully! Instead, i was a good girl and went to shower, dress, and lock up. Tight. Even though he hasn’t touched her in 2-full days now, i was determined to be good.

7:00 am

While tucked snuggly into place under her belt, i grabbed the lock and snapped it in place. With that, i handed David the key. He smiled and thanked me for being a good girl and asked if i am ready for this. i responded truthfully, “yes…and no…Sir.” Gotta get the “Sir” in there now too!

He then said, “go wait for me in the car.” He was hiding the key from my sight.

And i drove him to the airport. We talked about mundane things. Anything BUT the steel between my legs!

Meanwhile ALL i could think about is the next 24-hours…. How will i make this happen? If i ask for the key early, will that be disappointing for me or him or both?! The belt is already a bit chafing… maybe it’s just not positioned correctly… or maybe I just haven’t settled into the feeling of it yet…. So seriously, how will i make it 24-full hours like this…. how i wanted to rip the belt off and be a normal person. i know i am NOT normal. Is that a bad thing though?!

After dropping him at the airport, i drove to my office. As i drove, all these wild thoughts were in my head about this belt. That’s when my free hand wandered down into my pants. i knew i couldn’t touch myself for real but i had a desire to touch the metal with my bare hand. i wanted to touch it and see just how “real” this 24-hours of restricted access feels like.

And i worked to reposition it to a less chafing position. It didn’t move though, at least not much anyway. It’s not supposed to really. That’s the whole point. Restricted access means it won’t move from the full coverage it provides!

Then i pressed straight onto the plate itself. i wanted to know more about how my pussy would feel inside the plate if it felt pressed from the outside. No, i hadn’t really done that when i have worn it previously.

In times before, i respected (or feared) the belt enough too much to even try to see if i could get a stimulant from the outside. But this time is different. This time feels more like an intimate and close friend. And as close as we are, i need to know your friendliness meter. This time i am wearing this for a full 24-hours and i wanted to know if i could stimulate (okay, fine …call it what it is, “masturbate”) myself at all, and of so, how would it feel.

This was a no-go. While i could feel pressure on the outer edges of the plate, where the edge of the belt meets my thighs, it was nowhere near my pussy opening or clit! They felt absolutely zero. Nothing. Nada. As far as my pussy was concerned, there wasn’t anything but darkness in her world! She saw no light, heard no sound, and felt no pressure.

i couldn’t decide if i was pleased about this or not. But i did accept chastity willingly, heck i asked for it! So i suppose in the sense this is exactly what I need and asked for… i like it. It’s effective! And the belt may be close and intimate, but she has zero desire to be my friend.

8:00 a.m.

i arrive at work after a bit. i wonder if anyone can tell i am different today. i know they can’t see anything through my clothes as the belt is fully covered and inconspicuous. But can they see the difference in my demeanor? No, i am sure they can’t see that either, to which i am really kinda disappointed actually! i feel different, so shouldn’t they see how different i am? No, they don’t notice.

But let’s face it, people are always preoccupied to notice things like a chastity belt on their coworker which is causing her to talk, walk, and act just a bit differently today. Of course, i couldn’t tell you anything about any of them either. Why? Because i was too preoccupied trying to look normal and to see if they notice i am not acting normal. There’s the word “normal” again.

In fact, i am really rather distracted at work. i am comfortable in my chair with the belt on, but will it stay that comfortable when i stand up? Maybe i should practice doing that (standing and sitting) now so if i have to do it later in front of someone else, i will know if it will make noise at the wrong time, or squeeze my labia to painful moments, or something else i haven’t even thought of too.

Never mind… i have to focus and get work done already!

10:00 a.m.

i am quite thankful i have very few scheduled meetings today. i can hide out in my office and be less conspicuous. At least i hope that’s what happens.

But i have to pee. Oh here we go!

10:30 a.m.

Oh geez. i really have to use the bathroom now. i have held it in for 30-minutes but that’s the best i can do. i have to do this. In the belt. Okay, here we go.

There are holes in the belt shield for this purpose, but it feels so humiliating. It feels like i am peeing in my clothes, like a little kid or something. All of which is weird, so i have to truly concentrate on relaxing my muscles and just let it flow.

And when it does, while it ends up where it should in the toilet, it’s not a single stream but a spread out all over stream. Causing a bit of a question if there’s still urine trapped between my labia folds and the belt.

So now i have to wipe. As good as possibly can be done anyway. And i wipe some more. And for good measure, I wipe more. i hold the belt out as far as possible with one hand, suck in my gut, and try to press paper in there to soak up the urine. i think urine is gross anyway, so i want to be as clean and dry as possible, which takes a lot of effort!

Okay, that accomplished, won’t lie.. that was worse in my head than in reality. So, back to work now.

11:30 a.m.

Time for lunch. Together with 4-coworkers, we go out to a Mexican restaurant together. While I could care less about the strangers, i worry if may coworkers can hear the metal plate clanging around as i walk. i wonder if getting in and out of their car together will be the obvious defining moment to give away the fact that i am different today. i watch their moves to see if they hear it, tune in to it, or wonder why it’s coming from my torso! Nothing.

This is all good, right?

12:30 p.m.

Back at the office and back at my desk. And seriously, time to be normal and just get some work done already!

But i feel like i want to tell someone about my belt. i want someone to see. i want to see the shock on their face and me giggle at it. But that’s not normal. i wouldn’t show my coworkers my underwear, so why would i show them this steel belt?!

Because now David’s plane has landed, i decide to tell David about this “desire” to show off. The response i got back was, “hmm.” Not what i was expecting really. i thought he would chastise me (get that pun there!? Lol) for wanting to show off my chastity belt! No matter, the “hmm” was likely all i really needed, and he didn’t have to rub it in. i knew that was ultimately what he thought!

1:30 p.m.

Now i am finally into a groove for work productivity. i have accomplished some things and need to keep going.

The belt isn’t chafing at all now. i wonder if my earlier thoughts of the chafing were just my body needing to settle into the feelings of being pressed upon by the metal.

If the rest of the afternoon continues like this, i will definitely get all the way to tomorrow morning without having to ask for the key! i won’t disappoint Sir or myself! Now i am hopeful. And determined too.

2:30 p.m.

Oh here we go back to the bathroom again. Alright, i can do this. i already did it once today, not to mention it had done it in the belt before too.

No idea why i am such a head case about this. This time, i even go to another floor in my building. i noticed the lock made some noise as i pulled my pants down last time. If a coworker is in the bathroom at the same time, they would notice it and it’s a 2-person stall bathroom. They would know it was coming from me.

Suddenly it occurs to me that I have gone from wanting them to notice, to wanting to show it off, to now not wanting anyone to know at all.

Them NOT knowing is really the right answer.

On the other floor and in the bathroom, this time it went even easier than last time. Practice makes perfect. Do i want to be perfect at this? To be perfect means i am doing this a lot, meaning i am wearing the belt a lot. Yes, i want this! This is good for me!

3:30 p.m.

Never even saw the clock in this hour. That’s a good thing.

This belt has become my new-normal. And that’s a good thing too!

4:30 p.m.

Another easy and productive hour! Yah. i got this.

i am confident now i can make it to tomorrow. i see nothing standing in my way. i AM A CHASTITY GIRL!

But i am not even officially to 12-hours yet and a lot of time still in front of me!

5:30 p.m.

Time to go to a fast dinner with my sister. i know she won’t notice or see my belt in any way. i have gotten used to standing, walking, sitting in it now. And i am accepting of it as i have figured out how to manage with it physically and mentally too, so there’s no chance of me acting weird either.

It was a pleasant meal. We talked about mundane things, which is how it should be.

6:30 p.m.

It is Wednesday. Every good (Southern Baptist) girl goes to church on Wednesday night for an hour of bible study and to commune with like-minded people.

i am in a bible study that just kicked off last week. But not only am i in it, i lead it. i am standing in the front of the “class” for ladies bible study, while walking around, with them sitting down.

Their eyes are level with my crotch. i wonder if anyone has laser beam vision to see straight through my pants to the metal i am wearing. But that would be a super hero move, and while still pretty awesome, no one in this room is a super hero, at least that i know of anyway.

Maybe i am a super hero, with my own plate shield to protect me from all kinds of evil, real or perceived. My most intimate part is under full protection. From what? From myself. And everyone else too!

7:30 p.m.

i drive home. After getting home, i text David to let him know i am home and thinking of him. And i get naked.

i exchange some banter with Sir by saying, “maybe i need to have the key now to unlock this belt and be fully naked now.”

He responds with, “not a chance! You can ask, but you won’t get it. You are as naked now as you are going to get.”

“But then what if i need the key?! How would you know how desperately i need it?”

“You won’t.”

“But how will you know that Sir?” (forgot the “Sir” with previous texts. Not sure if he noticed! Hope not for my sake.)

“Because you made it this far without asking. Besides you are just stubborn enough that you won’t ask.”

“You are probably correct Sir.”

“Probably???”

“Ok, i know you are correct, but i don’t want to admit i am that stubborn.”

“Hmm”. (That little word is really multipurpose.)

8:30 p.m.

As i was doing little things around the house like picking up/cleaning, watching tv, playing ball with the dog, i opened a drawer to put something away.

There lays the key.

To my belt.

Right there.

Do i tell David i found it? He will think i went looking for it. But i can explain. But i didn’t do anything wrong to need to report ether. Does it matter that i found it if i don’t touch it, and definitely not use it?

Just shut the drawer and pretend i never saw it.

But i can’t unsee it.

Besides, i am getting tired of this belt now too. It’s not so friendly at all anymore, not that it was any too friend,y from the start anyway! But now the excitement of it has definitely worn off. i could escape and sleep well and no one would have to know.

But i would know.

Just shut the drawer and walk away!

9:00 p.m.

Time to use the bathroom again. Damn bladder.

i can just go get the key, unlock myself, use the toilet, and relock back. That would make the bathroom experience so much easier and better. And i could ensure a good wipe. That would help me sleep better, knowing i am clean under this belt.

But it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Forget about the key already!

Damn key.

i am a good girl. i am a good girl. Keep telling myself that.

And i am. And i did. And i left the key in its place and used the bathroom in the belt.

Damn belt.

10:00 p.m.

“Go lay down and read. Or write in the blog. Or play a stupid game on your iPad. Hell, go to sleep. But forget about that damn key!”

“You are nearly to the morning. All you have to do now is sleep. And be a good girl.” is what i told myself.

And that’s what i did.

i put a pillow between my legs as i always do, to help give me a straight back as i lay on my side (per chiropractor, this is helpful and i am now used to it.)

It feels good between my legs. i want to masturbate. Maybe if i hump the pillow a little it will help.

Damn pillow.

Humping it does nothing good. In fact, it probably made it worse as the frustration is no seriously amped up to a higher notch!

Now i just need to orgasm that much more, without any ability to do anything about it. No orgasm for me.

Damn key.

i am a good girl, i am a good girl, I AM A GOOD GIRL!!!

Turn over and go to sleep already! And i did.

Seriously… i AM a good girl, despite the damn key!

5:30 a.m.

i slept really good. i don’t remember waking up one time, turning over, dreaming, nothing. i feel quite relaxed now.

And only about 2’ish more hours and my Sir will be home and the belt will come off.

i even use the restroom without even thinking twice. AND without being unlocked. Who cares about the damn key, because I AM A GOOD GIRL!

6:30 a.m.

He has landed. He’s taking an Uber home.

Woo hoo! Can’t wait to see him. Oh how i miss him when he’s gone. While i have been hyper focused on the belt, i have an even more interest in seeing him, my Sir!

7:30 a.m.

He’s home! i greet him with the biggest smile and kiss. Naked. Except of course, for the belt.

He says, “Wow. I love this greeting! This is wonderful. Is this for spending 24-hours all locked up??”

“i am just happy to see you Sir.”

“I can tell. But I have been gone for 24-hours before and never gotten this wonderful of a welcome home. I think it’s the belt that’s done this.”

“i won’t lie Sir, it has made me focus the last 24-(plus) hours. It is incredibly effective.”

“I should say so. Make no mistake, we will be using it more now that I witness it’s effects on your demeanor.” (Someone noticed the change in me. Just not my co-workers. And that’s ok, as the only person i truly care to notice is my Sir!)

“Good thing the fitted belt is coming soon Sir. It will probably be more effective than this one.”

“Perfect. I’m so proud of you for being obedient and wearing this belt for the duration. I wasn’t sure you would or could. But now it’s time to get you out of this and give you the reward you’ve earned!”

Yippie for me!

i am now off here… and out of the belt …and getting to orgasm in a big way! i wonder how soon it is until Sir has another out-of-town trip!?

Hugs,

Marie

255 – All aboard… the emotional train wreck

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If today is any indication of what the rest of the week holds, i am already SURE that this week will end up with me in trouble. And i will be shocked if i don’t end up being spanked. Hard.

What’s more is… a spanking may help ground me.

Despite knowing this will be where i end up, i don’t see any real way to head it off at the pass! i am now just accepting it for what it is.

It is what it is.

What the heck am i talking about? yea, well….

This week, on Wednesday, we are taking our only child (son) to college. And I am full of emotions…. happy, sad, stressful, weak, strong, bossy, organized, hanging on while letting go … i am being “that Mom” right now who can’t hold it together.

This morning i almost got into a fight with David… over toilet paper. Yeah, TP! i thought the toilet room had a run out, so i went to get more from the stash in the garage. On my way back David says, “there’s some in there.” i’m like, “No, just ran out.”

He jumps in front of me and goes to look. Yes, i missed it. There was a 4-pack in there. And i got irritated and said, “Were you just wanting to prove me wrong or what?”

Yea, that didn’t make him happy. He gave me a lecture about how i only want to submit when it’s convenient for me and that’s not how it’s supposed to work. The whole time he was talking i was thinking, “yea, right. Whatever.”

I was smart enough to NOT say that out loud, which saved my ass.

Later at work, i texted him saying, “i’d like to talk about this morning but i can’t find any way to say something that is respectful.”

He texted back, “I should’ve realized you are stressed this week, so much so that you are in your own world and oblivious to your surroundings.”

Well, that angered me too. i mean, it might’ve been true but i sure didn’t think so! But again, i was smart enough to not say anything.

That’s how my Monday morning and week started.

Wednesday will be tough. There are some positives to being an empty nester, namely our D/s dynamic will be easier.

Then Thursday will happen too. i have an initial meet and greet set up to meet a potential 2nd Dom. David knows and approves. He knows a lot about me already, including that i have a chastity belt. He told me to wear it to coffee. Not sure yet if i will. We will see what happens. One step at a time. This happened after David told me he wanted to learn to spank/discipline more effectively. i decided to see if i could make that happen and here we are with a potential match. Maybe that spanking that i think is inevitable will be delivered by this new Dom. Time will tell.

By Friday, i may be sad or flat out depressed without my son. i may be ecstatic with a potential new Dom. i may be exhausted from a draining week. All i know for sure is that this much chaos in one week usually adds up to be a recipe for disaster and usually leads to me running my mouth in a bad way which usually gets myself spanked.

So while i see a train wreck of emotions about to happen for me, and trouble on the other side, i don’t know how to change it. i don’t want to NOT feel emotions this week, but i don’t want to do it at my bottom’s expense either!

i hope i survive!

Hugs,

Marie

253 – Wait for it…..

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On Saturday, David arrived back home. Because it was daylight hours, a weekend day, and we have a teen in our house, i knew nothing regarding discipline for my poor choices would happen. Not to say David couldn’t find a way to get he/i alone if he needed to, but it was easier to just wait.

As we were heading toward bed, i was starting to feel anxious and asked, “Sir, are you going to punish me?”

He said, “I haven’t decided yet.” i see.

And we went to sleep.

i usually wake before him, and Sunday was no different. i fully expected that once he was awake that on morning, he would indeed spank me. i was ready to accept it.

When he woke up, i had decided i would make his coffee and have it ready for him. i had already been thinking i ought to start doing that as another way to serve (and submit to) him. He was impressed and loved it. i was glad he didn’t honk i was trying to just kiss his ass in an attempt to avoid punishment, as that really wasn’t my intent at all!

And then throughout the day, nothing any different than the day before. We went about our day, our son was in/out, and no spanking or other punishment at all. The longer the day went, the more anxious i became. i even asked a second time, to which i heard, “maybe I am making you think.”

He didn’t have to finish that sentence or thought outloud. i knew he meant it to say that NOT getting a spanking, yet anyway, is definitely part of his plan and his punishment. He was making me think about my actions, be in tune with him, be accepting of the punishment… even the patience to wait to receive it … if “it” was to be a thing at all!

Towards the end of the day, i relaxed into it and decided, “i guess punishment won’t happen after all.” And i couldn’t quite decide if i thought that was a good or a BAD thing!

David was watching a tv show in the living room that i had no interest in, so i went to our bedroom and turned on the tv there. We do that sometimes, without issue for anyone. After a bit, he came in to see me. He got up near the bed, and i thought, “oh here we go! Punishment time!”

Instead though, he came to me and took hold of the zipper to my shorts and pulled it down. His hand went into my pants, and i spread my legs to make room for his hand. Of course, he didn’t pull my shorts down, only the zipper, so there still wasn’t much room at all. So i decided to try to make it easier on him where i lifted my butt and started to pull my shorts off.

That’s when he said, “I didn’t say to take your pants off.”

“i was just trying to make it easier for you Sir.”

“If I needed help, or to make anything easy, I will let you know.”

Well, i wanted his full touch, so i smiled a sly, sexy smile, and kept pulling my shorts off. He didn’t like that answer. He said, “ok, well… you didn’t listen. So now I’m done.”

With that he pulled his hand out of my, 3/4ths of the way off my butt, shorts and he left the room. i was sorely disappointed. i debated “what to do now.”

i opted to wait. i didn’t even pull my shorts up for awhile. i just sat there and waited. At least until i had to go pee, which was about 20-minutes later. Afterward, i texted him from the bedroom to the living room (yep, one room away!) and i said, “you could come back now Sir.”

And he texted back, “And you could listen to me now too!”

Ugh, now he has TWO reasons to discipline me! NOT what i had wanted or intended at all!

So i texted back, “Very true.” What more was there to say really?

With my shorts (fully) on, about another hour later, he came back. It was such a veryyyyy long wait! And he repeated the process.

This time i didn’t help him at all. He tweaked my clit, teasing it til i begged to cum. He said, “Nope! You already did that!”

And he was done again and leftthe room again. Of course he did!

A few hours later, we went to sleep. Again. This time i was convinced, “ok, no spanking for me after all. Just a lot of anticipation and edging. Okay, i can deal with that.”

And that brought us to Monday morning. Work day. David works from home but i do not. So i was preparing to get ready for the day, and as i got out of the shower, David said, “it’s time.”

And like the dumb ass that i am, i was confused (because i thought it wasn’t now going to happen and had put it out of my mind). and said, “excuse me Sir?”

And i heard the words, “Assume The Position”

Oh geez. Here we go. Here i deceived myself to think it was NOT going to happen. i was in full cringe, dread, “don’t want it do this!” mode. But i did. i got into position in a hurry, as he was waiting on me to do so.

And he got the paddle out and started to spank. From the get go, it hurt. It stung pretty hard, and he wasn’t even smacking me any too hard. In fact, at one point he even commented to that fact. i knew he was right but i had also just gotten out of the shower, been out of practice (haven’t had many spankings at all in 2022), and wasn’t even in the right mindset. So of course, it hurt more than usual at this point too!

He swatted fast over and over. i didn’t have time to think or count. He asked, “do you know why we are here?”

i could barely talk as i was focused on staying still, accepting this with grace, and …. breathing without yelling out, all at the same time. So i didn’t respond any too quick, which wasn’t too good either.

i finally eked out the words, “because i didn’t listen to you… i orgasmed without permission and i took my shorts off… and i askedmultiple times when this would happen.”

And he smacked a few times extra hard then and said, “Correct!”

When he was done, i was grateful and was glad it was over. i sat up and he said, “don’t you want to thank me??”

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir for caring and loving me enough to keep me in line and deliver punishment when i deserve it.”

“You are welcome. Now kiss me and let’s go have a good day.”

And that’s exactly what we did!

Sometime mid-morning he texted me, “butt still sore?” So i was still on his mind!

i responded with, “Not really Sir…. While a fast and hard spanking is effective, if you want it to last more long term, you’d have to repeat it say 3-5 minutes later, or maybe after a warm up, then give a few really hard swats too. i am not completely sure, but that’s what i think.”

He said, “Good to know.”

And that’s that! Next time may be different, time will tell. And I will have to wait for it!

Hugs,

Marie

252 – Good girl, with Bad habits!

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You may have noticed that quite a lot of our dynamic lately seems to be revolving around orgasm control. It’s not all we do, but it is a great motivator for me too.

In fact, you’ve heard the phrase, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” In that same vein, i’d say “the way to my heart is through orgasm denial.” i see it as a challenge to comply, to bend, be vulnerable, and to ultimately submit! i have to have self-control, determination, and use mind-over-matter to make good choices all the time.

Despite what may seem true, i have been surprised at how much of a positive motivator the chastity belt has become for me too. When it is on, i have no ability to stimulate myself let alone orgasm. Yet, i am constantly aware of the belt and constantly in a low state of arousal too. But when it’s off is the surprising part actually. i thought i would attack my clit the second it was vulnerable and open to the fresh air, but it is quite the opposite! The belt comes off, and i think, “it is a privilege to have the belt off. This puss is not yours to touch, by your own volition. You made a voluntary consensual choice! So respect those choices and don’t touch!”

And i don’t. At least for awhile anyway.

Then there are days like today….

i’m not entirely sure what prompted me to do so, but in the middle of the day, i texted David, “i know you know i am sexually turned on… a lot. What you may/may not realize is that i am intensely motivated by sexual acts, with the hope (but not expectation) of ending with an orgasm,”

i continued, “Over the years you’ve wanted me to be more competitive. When it comes to the quest to get an authorized orgasm, i am very competitive. i’ll do nearly anything you ask, if you’ll (possibly) reward me with an orgasm. Sir, i am equally turned on by the denial as the allowance, because i know it’s intentional on your part when you deny or allow me to orgasm. Of course, make no mistake, i love to orgasm, especially at your cock, tongue, or hand… in that order too!”

And i waited for a response.

i got a “Good! And yes, I already knew much of that, which is why you don’t get to orgasm as much as you’d like, but maybe now it will be even less.”

And then he went out of town for tonight. Just one night. He’s back tomorrow.

Then tonight i got a text saying, “you’ve been very good lately. I will allow you to masturbate and orgasm tonight if you want. But just one orgasm.”

“Oh yes of course i want! Thank you Sir! Yea for me!”

And i started to play. And i orgasmed really fast. Too fast really. i was bummed at how fast it happened. i had already talked to myself about how nice and slow i wanted to go, to be able to enjoy the moment and relax into it. But, it didn’t happen that way. Okay, whatever, it was what it was. So i just was grateful for the one and tried to ignore the annoyance i was feeling, and set about watching tv.

But then the tv show wasn’t that great, and my mind began to think. i thought about how he never said i couldn’t play with myself more than once, only that i couldn’t orgasm more than once.

While i had wanted to go slow and enjoy myself upfront and because i usually struggle to get myself to orgasm more than once in such short periods (David can pull as many orgasms from me in as short of a period as he ever desires!), i could play with myself AFTER instead of BEFORE the single permitted orgasm. While playing AFTER isn’t quite as anticipatory as it would have been (and the grand finale ending will be different), i could do this instead!

i can fondle and love on myself, inside and out, maybe learn how to get myself to the edge after one orgasm, and well, have fun this way too. All while never orgasming the second time.

No problem, challenge accepted! i got this! So i grabbed my favorite dildo and set about having fun.

Unfortunately it didn’t take long before i was getting so close to the edge, that even i was surprising myself.

It wasn’t much longer and i heard my head screaming, “S-T-O-P! Don’t go over! Don’t allow yourself this indulgence!” The problem was i didn’t want to stop, but i did want to be good!

So now an internal battle began….

My left hand kept moving the dildo in and out, while my right hand kept rubbing on my clit. My head said, “Just a little bit more…. Besides, this was a challenge and you can stop before you go over that edge. Push that ‘edge’ further out!”

Then my head also told me, “this is so good. Keep going! It will be alright. You got this!”

And i kept going. And going.

And then i suddenly recognized that desire inside me building. The one that becomes determined to get what i want. i wanted to keep going….. and going…. right over that edge. i knew i simply needed to go over that edge. Or at least i told myself that. i thought, “why stop now? Just GO over the edge already! Take this!”

And i did.

It felt SO good! i was feeling those endorphins course through me. It did indeed feel so damn good.

And then the high subsided and the moment of realization hit. i suddenly became sober in the reality of the moment and the question of “what have i done?!” was in my head.

i thought a minute… and the next question came into my head.….“Do i HAVE to tell David?”

And the immediate answer of, “YES, of course you have to!” came right back too.

And just like that my good and bad side both started to fight saying, “No you don’t have to tell him. He never has to know.”

“But i will know.”

“It’s your body! You can reward yourself if you need it. Besides, we didn’t even think this could actually happen. You so rarely ever have a second orgasm at your own hand in quick succession.”

“But i will know.”

“And if you tell him, you’ll likely have a red bottom shortly after he is home.”

“Yes, true. But i will know.”

“And when the permanent/fitted chastity belt finally comes in, the one you can wear 24/7 if he wants you to, it will likely be glued on your puss! Then you won’t get to touch it at all!”

“Also true. But i will know. And we have an honest relationship. i knew not to do this, and i just didn’t care. Now i have to own my situation and tell him!”

So i texted him and told him.

The response i got back was, “hmm.”

i think i may regret this decision by this time tomorrow! Or maybe i already regret it now!

Hugs,

Marie