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Tag: d/s marriage

168 – Dying to know…. Dom or sub?

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 168 – Dying to know…. Dom or sub?

Yesterday was …. my one day to Dominate my Dominant Sir.

On Dec 31, he surprised me and told me i would get one day per year to dominate him, and it was to be Jan 1, yesterday.

While the day went well, it definitely did not go as i had envisioned or would’ve necessarily imagined.

i spent much of Dec 31 thinking on what i’d do as his Dominant, and what i’d have him do as my sub. And many of you gave me many suggestions too (thank you!).

A couple of you even warned me about how it may not go well, and you seemed leery of the idea altogether; thinking that the natural order of things, the balance, shouldn’t be disturbed. You basically told me that upsetting the apple cart on purpose was not a good idea.

All in all though, with my own thoughts and all of yours too (including the warnings), i prepared my mind and i thought i was ready.

Yesterday morning comes and we wake up. Almost without fail, i am out of bed before David by at least/about 15-minutes, and on a normal day he would find me on the couch drinking coffee and on my iPad surfing. Jan 1 was no different. Same start.

What was different though was that i normally greet him, “Good morning Sir,” whereas yesterday i said nothing. i waited for his greeting.

He said, “Good morning.” And i repeated just those two words, leaving out “Sir” on purpose.

He noticed i didn’t say “Sir” and he told me as much. i said, “i noticed you didn’t say ma’am either.” And the line was drawn. Both of us smiled at one another, daring the other to use the title…. neither of us budged. i wondered if he did that on purpose to remind me that i am a sub at heart, but dismissed that notion for the minute.

i had intended to tell him, “you will cook me breakfast and i will be having….” but before i could get that out he said, “I’ll cook you breakfast when you are ready. Please tell me what you’d like.”

Wow. Ok. So he’s going to submit to me without me telling him how to do it, but won’t call me Ma’am. Ok, so i can work with this. (i wasn’t really sure i wanted to be called ma’am anyway, so all good really). He cooked breakfast and we ate.

When i was done showering, he came into our room to dress himself. After drying off and while i was still naked, i laid on my back and spread my legs. i said, “you need to make me orgasm now.”

He then said, “it’s Friday and we probably need to do maintenance first.”

i said, “Dominants don’t get spanked. They do the spanking. So no maintenance today, unless it is on your ass.”

He raised his eyebrows at me and said, “uh huh.” But nothing more.

So i did not do maintenance yesterday and i wonder if it will happen today now instead. If i were to guess, i think it will! And if he doesn’t suggest it, i just may. In order to ensure that we have put the apple cart back upright and all apples are safely inside, just as they should be.

And with that, between my legs he went! i didn’t ask to orgasm, i just did. Because i was the dominant and i didn’t need to ask.

When he realized it, he asked me, “did you orgasm?” And after i said yes, he said, “ok. Good.” On any other day, he would’ve said, “without permission???” And it would likely have ended the session and/or had me turned over for a spanking,

And he kept going. While not spoken in any tone other than kind humility, he said, “you should cum more.” He didn’t use a demanding or commanding tone at all.

After two more orgasms, he then announced he was done and had other things to do. It occurred to me that i should perhaps tell him, “NO, i didn’t say you were done yet so NO, you are not done until i say you are.” But i didn’t. i just said ok. i mean, i was happy and relaxed and wanted to just enjoy those feelings anyway.

As well, i found myself debating about the line of Dominant to a sub or Dominant to a slave. He never agreed to be my slave. And i had just orgasmed 3 X’s too. And he was already being very submissive overall anyway. And the day was still quite young. In other words, i second guessed myself.

This got me to thinking about how often does a Dom second guess themselves? It’s easy to be the confident, bold, commanding Dom in the movies and/or books, but probably not so easy in real life. At least not easy all the time for sure. Maybe some times and in certain situations, but ALL the time??

With that, David went to get his shoes and socks and when i asked him where he was going, he said to the store. i had commented about 2 days prior that some of our lightbulbs around the house were burned out. And i had politely and with proper submissiveness asked if he could get those changed out soon. He was going to buy more bulbs “in order to please” me.

When he returned, he did just that. He pleased me by getting the bulbs all switched out, without me having to remind, nag, ask twice, comment or say a word at all. While it made me happy, it kinda stole my thunder. i wasn’t able to be this imposing Dom telling him what he needed to do and on and on.

Which made me think about how a good sub should do these things and it does make the Dom happy without the Dim having to be imposing or forceful or exerting their power. But how often as a sub had i accused (even in my mind) David of not giving me directives? i have often thought about how he doesn’t tell me enough about what to do or how to make him happy, so i have accused him of not being “Dom-enough.” When in reality, i am likely doing the things that make him happy without him having to tell me, which is even better because a good sub should be in tune with her Dom without having to (always) be told. Most subs do things for their Dom without being told, because they know it pleases them. They don’t need this “all powerful” Dom barking orders at them in order for them to be a good sub.

The day went on like this where many of my honey-do’s were just “done”. And for dinner, he made my favorite meal, pork chops with rice and gravy. (Plus he made cabbage and black eyed peas…. which is a Southern tradition to eat these on New Years to bring about good fortune for the coming year. The more you eat, the more good fortune becomes you. Here’s a great article i found on it: Black Eyed Peas Bring Good Fortune.)

So i had a day that felt like my birthday….. i got many honey do’s done, i got my favorite meal cooked, and orgasmed many times over.

All in all, i think David was probably a better sub than i expected him to be, and i was not as good a Dom as he was a sub. Which also got me to thinking about when a sub is good, does it cause their Dom to think they might not “be enough”? Or as good? i realized the psyche of a Dom may be more fragile than i ever imagined. Or maybe it was just my psyche as a Dom, because it became more and more obvious as the day went on that i am NOT his Dom. Either way, i should praise his Dom-efforts and thank him for taking on a leadership role more often. It’s not always as easy as it seems and praise for good work and responsibilities assumed should be commended.

i will say i didn’t get to spank him, which is one thing i really wanted to do. i only wanted to in order to be able to brag and to say i did. To be able to say, “This is what it feels like.” But he wasn’t ever “bad” to deserve it. Near the end of the day, i told him i wanted to spank him “just because.” In a calm and flat tone, he said, “just remember, tomorrow I am back in charge. So I will submit to it because I said I would, but you may well regret that tomorrow.” So no, i didn’t spank him.

And that got me to thinking one last thought about my Dom, he never just does stuff to me (like spank) just because he can. He never needs to make me feel less so he can be more, which is essentially what i wanted to do and why i wanted to spank him.

In the end, i learned a lot about him and myself. i ultimately learned that he is my Dom and i know it.

While i’m quite sure i could top someone else, i know it’s not him who i can dominate. That’s ok, i learned SO much about the dynamic that i never really thought about before. i learned about things from his (possible) perspective as my Dom and i learned more about myself as his submissive in the process too.

It was an interesting experiment, but i doubt i’ll ever do that again. Unless he told me to, which is to say he would have to Dominate me to tell his Submissive to switch to be his Dominant. And i haven’t a clue why he would ever want to do that, because we don’t need to turn over the apple cart. Ever.

i happen to like the apple cart exactly where and how it is, and let’s just enjoy the apples exactly how they are, without worms, too!

So today, when he wakes up, i will greet him with a “Good morning SIR” and all will be upright and good in my world once more.

Welcome to 2021 where some things changed but most did not!

Hugs,

Marie

166 – Giving

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 166 – Giving

i follow many other bloggers and read their posts (just about) daily. One such blogger is SubMissy. She has an amazing site and she writes so very well, which is very inspiring. She also does blog post prompts to which i am going to now participate in….

CURRENT PROMPT IS……

This month is all about giving. All good relationships are based on give and take, so how does giving work in your dynamic? Or why not focus on what you have done this season to make giving a priority? How does giving work with your headspace and where does giving and receiving fit for you?

So here’s my post about GIVING.

We have all heard ……IT IS BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE …. and i wholeheartedly disagree.

Yep, i am writing about GIVING and yet, i disagree with one of the most well-known phrases about it. The reason why i disagree is, in my opinion, really rather basic.

IF WE ALL BUSY GIVING, THEN WHO IS RECEIVING? In order to allow someone to give, someone else has to (graciously and kindly) receive it.

i would prefer the phrase to instead to be something like, “GIVING AND RECEIVING IS PERFECTLY DONE WHEN IT IS A PERFECTLY COMPLETE CIRCLE.”

All to often, when we give to people, you hear the other one saying things back to you that sound like:

1) “oh thank you, but I can’t possibly accept this.” or

2) “You shouldn’t have” or

3) “But I didn’t get you anything” or

4) “I feel like your charity case”

i could go on, but i think these are prime examples of things that i have heard and probably even said at some point in my lifetime.

The trouble with all these is that if i want to give you something…. i needyou to accept it. With grace and thankfulness, not some awkward and strange reluctance or even flat out refusal (#1 above).

i love to give. But it takes an open and accepting and gracious person to receive those gifts in return to have us both feel good about it.

i give to people out of love. i often think, “i have more than i need, and their need is greater than mine at this time, so i want to give this to them.”

And frequently i have heard, “I’m not a charity case.” (#4 above) said back to me. It becomes awkward then. i typically say something like, “i didn’t mean to insult you” or “it’s just my way of helping.” And once i even said, “it’s better to give than to receive.” She said, “oh so now you are giving to me so you can feel better about yourself?” Uhmmmmmm. No.

Now neither the giver nor the receiver is feeling good about it, and honestly, quite the opposite has occurred! The negativity has now overtaken the entire situation. What started as something good, has turned sour in a hurry. All because there was a receiving heart to accept the gift that was freely given.

In my marriage though, we have a healthy give-receive relationship. i think most people think that a D/s relationship is all about the submissive giving of herself physically, mentally, financially, and the Dominant would be receiving of it all. While that’s substantially true, it works in reverse too. Sometimes i think most people wouldn’t really think about our Dominant as the giver also, but they are. And for him to give to me, i have to receive it with grace and thanks in order to complete the circle.

So i kind of want to turn this prompt inside out and talk about how my Sir gives to me and my responses to him. At least that’s where i start, but i end up with me giving too! You’ll see. 😉

PHYSICAL GIVING

My husband cooks and i clean. i NEVER COOK. And we are both quite happy with this arrangement. Neither of us really ever expects the other to do what we aren’t good at and we are grateful for the skills and gifts we have to offer the other.

But cooking isn’t the only gift he regularly gives me. Yes, he gives me spankings. Regularly. If you read my blog, it is chopped full of stories of punishment spankings and maintenance spankings in order to maintain our dynamic. Domestic Discipline (DD) is alive and well in our relationship. By intention design.

In other posts, i have also said numerous times, “i do not like to be spanked.” And it is true. But i accept it, in part because i see it as a gift from David.

He has taken his time and physical energy, to spank me. It is (one of) his gifts of love to me, along with his amazing chef-like skills too. He does it (a spanking) with love in his heart and the ultimate goal of guiding me in the way we want our marriage to go. To keep us on track and to keep doing good.

He cares about our marriage and me enough to give me spankings.

But how can he give me spankings if i don’t accept it with grace and thankfulness? It wouldn’t work at all. Can you imagine me saying, “oh you really shouldn’t have. I can’t accept this.” Or better, “But I didn’t get you one.” ??

Giving simply doesn’t work without someone else receiving. And preferably receiving with a grateful and thankful heart. So i receive with a thankful heart.

When we are done with the spanking, every time he stands me upright and hugs and kisses on me. And he tells me how much he loves me. He gives me hugs and kisses at the end of giving me a spanking.

He has never made me thank him, but i typically do. i want him to know that while this was a physical gift that i may not have wanted, i know he does it because he does indeed love me. And i agreed long ago to accept it openly and lovingly. So i thank him in order to give him reassurance that this gift he’s given is accepted with a loving heart in return.

*** Did you see what i just did there? i said, “i thank him in order to GIVE Him reassurance” about his gift to me. So in the mere act of receiving, the giving has now been turned back inside-right by me giving him something too.

He doesn’t seek my thanks, but he receives it with grace and pride too. It creates in him a feeling of pride and appreciation when i give him reassurances of my willingness to accept the gift he’s given me.

So ultimately a grateful receiving heart ends up turning into a gracious giving heart, creating a full and complete and perfect circle of giving!

Okay, yes, he also gives me physical/tangible/ real gifts. And i do my very best to thank him for all of them, as he does in reverse. And of course, this works in the perfect circle too.

One of the gifts i gave him for Christmas was a set of canes. We have never owned any canes so this will be a new experience for us both. We have talked about it, but neither of us has gifted the other with a cane, until now.

He finds these gifts oddly strange of me to give. He asks me, “Why would you give me a gift of something that will bring about the very thing (a spanking) that you tell me you don’t want to have?”

My answer is simple, “Because you love me enough to guide me and i accept these spankings as a reminder of who we are together. We grow together in our DD relationship with reinforcement of what we know works.”

And it’s true.

That’s when he gave me a devilish looking grin and said, “I can’t wait for Friday’s Maintenance now!”

MENTAL GIVING

While he is physically giving me a spanking, i am mentally giving him my submissive heart, mind, and soul.

A spanking with a paddle stings. It is maybe best described like a bee sting or a needle prick. It hurts, but on,y for a split second and it leaves behind a heat that is felt for awhile thereafter. And that’s just one swat, which a spanking never is. As the swats continue, the sting builds as well as the heat it generates to.

From the very start, i have to tell myself to relax and accept this gift he is giving. i mentally pray before we start as i wait for him to come into the room and that prayer typically shows something like, “Lord help me to accept this spanking with grace and understanding that it ultimately comes from his guidance of me, through your guidance of him. Please Lord give him the confidence and strength to lead our family and me especially in the ways you want us to go.”

At some point during a spanking endorphins release and i actually do start to accept with a thankful heart each swat he delivers. It starts to feel good. My mind relaxes and it brings me into the best receiving heart and mind possible. My thoughts move from, “But i didn’t get you anything” to “Please never stopgivingme your all!”

GIVING AND RECEIVING IS PERFECT ONLY WHEN IT IS A PERFECTLY COMPLETE CIRCLE

So maybe you can see that while maybe the giving part is the start of the circle, it also requires a receiving part. And by receding the gift, you are simultaneously giving your thanks. And that original giving person is also receiving your praise and graciousness. The circle is complete.

No one is ever JUST giving or receiving. It has to be a complete and perfect circle for it all to work. You have to give AND receive… always.

If you are guilty of saying these things that I mentioned above…. STOP. Instead, say something like:

1) “oh wow, I’m so grateful for your kindness.” or

2) “This is so amazing.” or just a simple…

3) “THANK YOU!” Is always perfect too.

And genuinely mean it, from a truly receiving heart!

(Oh and final thoughts on this day…… as we say goodbye to 2020, this year was a gift….. yes, this year has been incredibly hard but it is a gift to be alive, to have friends to miss, to be thankful for the times we can and eventually will be back together, and an opportunity to have a receiving heart for better times ahead with enormous thankfulness!)

Hugs,

Marie

164 – Merry RED-ASS Christmas

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i pray you all had an amazing day being surrounded by love one family and our Lord Jesus Christ. Did you receive many great gifts?

i got a new Keurig coffee pot and couldn’t be happier! Tomorrow’s coffee will be super amazing!

What i didn’t do right today though was my attitude. (In my defense, i think it was justified to be upset…. just not to have handled it the way i did!). i got quite upset with Sir earlier this evening and let him know how “rude and inconsiderate” he was.

My family had been over to our house for the day and as she was packing up to leave when David put on his shoes and left for a walk. We NEVER leave our house without telling one another (for any reason), and when he left i had no idea. Add to that, the fact that He/i have been walking together as of late, so W-H-Y he would just go and leave without telling me… or inviting me to go along upset me greatly!

He was either being rude … or inconsiderate… or flat out didn’t even think about me. No matter the case, i had my feelings hurt.

And while he was gone, i texted him and said as much. To which i received a text back that said, “you and I can go walking together when I return from this one.” i felt that was a consolation prize so I texted ONE word…

WHATEVER!

That’s when he texted back. “ASSUME THE POSITION!”

i wrote, “FINE!”

And i went to the bedroom, got naked, and bent over the bed. i typically pray for the Lord to give me strength, to give me the submissive heart He wants me to have, and for the Lord to speak to David’s heart to lead our family too.

But not today. Today i was seething mad. i had half a mind to not even go Assume the Position. i started to just ignore that directive and when he got home, i was going to say, “i was doing the dishes” …. and while it was true, i had been emptying the dishwasher at the time, we both knew it wasn’t what i should have made a priority when i was quite clearly told to Assume The Position.

So i had debated whether or not to even do as told! i was that…. upset….. (hurt really). And i didn’t think i should have to be spanked just because i called him out on what i thought he didn’t do right. (i don’t know if i should literally say he was “wrong,” but i want to.). However, i suppose i didn’t handle my hurt feelings well what so ever either and two wrongs just do not make a right!

But… i am not stupid either. i wasn’t going to give David even more reason to spank me… for disobedience then … so… i did. i assumed the position.

So instead of praying, today i was so mad i just got even more mad and decided i would take whatever he wanted to dish out. Gladly! And never once would i call for yellow (for him to slow down) or red (for him to stop)! i was determined (to be the winner)!

And that’s when he walked in. He picked up the paddle and spanked HARD! Straight out of the gate, from the first swat to the last!

David proceeded to spank my ass H-A-R-D. It was not only hard, but also with intentional intensity. He knew and so did i that while this may be a Friday, this was NOT maintenance. This was a punishment. Unfortunately when i am mad from the start that just spawned me on to dig my heels in deep and become quite stubborn.

He spanked me until i heard myself saying, “i am nearing yellow Sir.”

To which he said, “Are you still mad?”

And i didn’t answer.

He said, “Apparently you are. And until you say ‘Yellow’, i won’t slow down. So, again, I ask, Are you still mad?”

And i squeaked out, “i don’t want to be.”

He said, “Then we need to continue!” And he smacked my ass extra hard three times in the exactly same spot! It hurt SO much!

i offered up, “YES! i am not mad. Will you please stop Sir?”

i was suddenly no longer mad, hurt, or upset. My previous negative emotions had been replaced with just a desire to have this stop. i had suddenly backed down from my stubborn, won’t-give-in thoughts. i no longer wanted to be mad and instead welcomed Sir’s authority and to just have this all end.

But he didn’t stop just then. Instead while continuing to spank me, he asked me again, “Are you mad?”

i said, “No Sir”

While still continuing to spank (quite) hard, he asked, “Are you going to apologize for being rude to me with your tone?”

i said, “Yes Sir. i am sorry Sir.”

And start was when he stopped.

He stood me up, kissed me and said, “I’m sorry, I was not aware your family was leaving and thought I’d give you time to enjoy being with them while I got a quick walk in. We could’ve avoided this disagreement and punishment had you not responded the way you did though too.”

I said, “Thank you Sir for apologizing and explaining. i am sorry too.”

That’s when he said, “Assume the Position again.”

i was confused and asked, “Why??”

He said, “Because is Friday, and we haven’t done maintenance yet.” So i did. i assumed the position for the second time in only a few short minutes!

And he spanked me about 30 or so more times, with less than half the intensity as before, but twice as fast. i more or less screamed right into the pillow nearest me so as to not yell out loud. These particular spanks were not hard really, but on top of an already spanked ass was particularly painful in a hurry!

When completed, he stood me up and kissed me again and said. “How do you feel?”

And i said, “submissive and thankful. Thankful for the leadership that you exert. And most definitely loved too!”

He touched my pussy at that point and said, “what else could make you feel loved?”

i decided to be a bit close to the edge of “acceptable” and i got a devious smile on me face… and without breaking eye contact, i laid down on the bed. Backside to the bed already, i moved backward and laid down and spread my legs wide open.

He laughed and said, “Now don’t be pushy again. While I shouldn’t reward you with this, because it’s Christmas, I’ll give you this gift…..”

And he proceeded to lick me until I orgasmed. At one point, i asked him to stick his fingers inside me and he didn’t. Instead he said, “you never said the magic word.”

i said, “Sir.”

And i felt his finger go straight inside his pussy! i moved my hips so that i was fucking his finger, while feeling his tongue against my clit. i asked if i could cum, and he (thankfully) said yes.

Now i know….. speak better to him, with respect. And use the magic word often…. and i get to cum!

So the day started well, and is ending well. i am SO happy we didn’t get into a fight on Christmas… and i got the gift of love instead.

What could be better?! How was your holiday? Did you get rewarded with a punishment that ended with an orgasm? ❤️

Hugs and Merry Christmas! 🎄🎁

Marie

163 – It’s a dildo day

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In my last post i mentioned wearing a dildo to work.

i will tell you all about what happened….. and in the end, ask you again, “Am i a sex slave and submissive wife? Or just slave? Or just a submissive!” Where the line from sub ends and slave begins is my unanswered question at the moment.

But maybe it’s not really important what title i (or you) put on it. It just might be more important that i was following a directive from my Sir. And i was submitting…….

He said, “Bring me the inflatable dildo.”

Yes Sir. And i did.

He said, “Spread your legs.”

And i did.

And he pushed it up inside me. (i wear no panties, per his instruction from long ago. In fact, he took them away and i haven’t seen them since. i can’t wear them if i wanted to.)

He said, “Set an alarm for 60-minutes. Every hour, you will pump the bulb twice. And then report that to me in person or text.”

“Don’t miss or forget to do it, every hour. Both the pumping and the reporting.”

And he grabbed the pump bulb and squeezed it 5-times to give a start.

And off to work i went. The entire dildo fits right up inside me, but after it is squeezed many times and it inflates it becomes difficult to keep it inside. When i mentioned that to Sir, he said, “squeeze your legs tight to keep it inside.”

And that’s basically what i did. i had to or else it would have fallen out … into my pants and would’ve slid down my leg until it came out. NOT happening to me while at work!

Every hour. All day. The alarm went off, i gave two good pumps, and texted, “Another hour. 2-more pumps.”

By the day’s end, i had received 25-total pumps. The dildo was quite large. It felt fine while inside. But when i had to take it out for a restroom break, pushing it back inside was a major effort for sure! It i wasn’t going to disappoint my Sir, and i followed his instructions to the T.

And mid-way through the morning, in addition to the dildo, i received a text. It said, “Time to edge.”

i stared at it for a minute and texted back, “at work? Now?”

And he texted back, “Yes. That’s what i said.”

Thankfully i have my own office and have a birds eye view of anyone approaching, so i pushed my hand down in my pants and found my clit. i rubbed it until i almost exploded. i was at “the edge” of orgasm. And i wanted it. i wanted that orgasm.

It took everything in me to stop. But i did.

Why did i stop? Because i am a submissive (or a slave?) and i was told to edge. i was not told to orgasm. Orgasms from my body do not belong to me. i agreed long ago to never orgasm without permission. And i haven’t been given permission on this day to do anything other than go to the edge of orgasm.

i texted and said, “i have done it. But i really want to cum.”

He texted back, “Good girl. No. Do it again. Now.”

Holy crap. i did it again. It took about ONE minute and i nearly went over the edge. In fact, for a split second i actually thought i had gone over the edge (and orgasmed).

i felt panic rise in me. You see, because i am submissive, i want to please him. And had i gone over the edge, i would’ve felt badly. You’d think i would enjoy an orgasm and relish in the moment. But no, i would have no pleasure in an orgasm that is not allowed. And i wouldn’t want to see Sir’s face when i had to tell him i orgasmed without permission.

i was relieved when i knew that i had … quite literally…. gone to THE EDGE but had NOT gone over.

i told Sir all these things and he was quite pleased with me.

He said, “You will receive your reward when you are home. Now two more pumps and don’t forget to continue.”

By the end of the day, my puss was sore and stretched. But i was happy!

Upon getting home, Sir said to lay on the bed and wait for him. When he came in, he played a bit with the dildo pushing it further in and back out again. When he pulled it out fully, he commented on just how inflated it was and was impressed.

Then he put all five fingers inside me and pushed all the way to his knuckles. And pushed in and out. Then while in, he moved his fingers rapidly.

i begged him to allow me to cum. When he said no, i responded with, “Please Sir… either stop or allow me to cum… otherwise i will go over the edge without permission and i do not want to.”

He smiled and said, “Orgasm all you want.” And his fingers moved easily inside me and he felt me squeeze and release all over them! He kept going and i felt the ripple of more orgasms flow from me freely.

When he pulled out, i was exhausted.

We were both disappointed that he couldn’t get his hand all the way inside me, but we have determined his hand is simply too large. He said he will find a female suitable to do it for us, and when he does, he will take pictures. i will be ready!

i followed orders and was rewarded with multiple orgasms at my Sir’s hand… quite literally. i pleased him and he pleased me!

That all happened yesterday. Today, my puss is sore and thankfully allowed to rest. Will wait to see what tomorrow holds.

So what do you think…. submissive? Slave? Some combination of both? Or does it even matter….. i do as i am told, and i am rewarded. And when i don’t, i am punished. i happily accept both!

Hugs,

Marie

162 – submissive or slave?

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i have always thought of myself as a submissive, but at times i’d say i exhibit signs of being more like a slave.

What’s the difference?

Well, everyone probably has their own definitions really of what a submissive is versus what a slave is. But i would say it has everything to do with the amount of control the sub/slave has. A sub has some, whereas a slave has none (or very few!).

No matter what titles we associate ourselves with, we all have the right and control to say NO. And we all should respect that when we hear NO from our partner(s) it is final! So i am not talking about consent at all. Because a slave has willingly consented to giving up the control to make all decisions on her own and yielded everything (or mostly everything) to the Master. But while a submissive has given up most control, definitely not all.

Now, i want to also clarify, i am not talking about real-life-slaves. i am not talking about like it was in the US 1800’s and Civil War times. i am talking about the kinky submissive (or slave) lifestyle. Where the slave has willingly given up control. Not that it has been taken from them, like it was for the real-life slaves that was done then.

In that same sense, some might say a submissive is indeed owned, but a (sex) slave is instead not just owned but possessed.

A submissive has safe words, while quite frequently a slave has consented to no-consent, giving up those safe words.

A submissive has the right to sit where he/she wishes, whereas a slave is typically on the floor by her Master’s side.

A slave must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave.

THAT is how i define the difference between a submissive and a slave.

With those clarities in mind……. i have always thought of myself as submissive. But lately, i wonder if i have “slave-like-tendencies” too, especially when it comes to sex.

i have come to the thought that maybe i am a “submissive wife and a sex slave.” Or at least, i want to be. i want to be a submissive wife AND a slave lover to my Sir. So in general life, i am a submissive. But when it comes to sex (or anything intimate at all), i would love to call myself his slave. i say this is how i’d like it to really be, but it’s a hard balance.

When it comes to daily life, i don’t believe it is possible or even practical to be a slave. To be frank, i don’t know how that actually works for most people. Maybe the slave is a stay at home wife and can be naked, chained up, stuffed with a cock, crawling on the floor, and eating out of dog/cat bowls. But none of that is practical with a job or kids. And maybe not all of that would apply to every slave either too, but the point is made too.

So for me and my life, with a job and a kid, it seems being submissive is the best way to LIVE. i defer to David on decisions effecting me and/or our family, i ask him permission to do and/or go places, and i (try!) not to argue. And should those things fail to happen properly, i am punished, which typically comes in the form of a spanking but not necessarily just spankings.

But now the second part….. when it comes to sexual activities or alone-time, i would like to give up all control. i would love to serve him in the ways he deserves and possibly prefers. i think he tends to feel valued and appreciated more when i am pleasing him, in life AND in sex, which leads to positive synergies for both of us…. in bed AND out!

And maybe that’s where we kinda operate (best) already anyway. We already do some of these things as it is.

Like when he says get naked, i do. When he says to edge, i do. When he says do not orgasm until he says i can, i don’t.

When he says i am to be spanked, i have only once called yellow and it was intentional on Sir’s part. He wanted to test me. But even then, i wasn’t aware of his intentions and i was trying very hard not to say it.

So i guess i don’t know where the lineeeeeeee is between sub or slave. At what point do you say, “i am a sex slave to my spouse!!” ?? Or are all these just other examples of being a good submissive and not a slave at all??

Today is another example of a sexual slave-like thing that i did to please my Sir. Today…. i am at work. And i have an inflatable dildo sex toy inside me.

Sir said, “you need to bring it to me before going to work.”

So i did.

He said, “spread your legs.”

So i did.

He pushed it up inside me. Gently. Not painfully.

He said, “you’ll wear this all day today. Every hour you need to give it two strong, good pumps. I want it very pumped up by the time you get home. You should feel the stretch. The point of this will be to stretch your pussy, but i expect you’ll likely have some pain as it trains your muscles to relax.

You should NOT take it out or release the air at ALL today, without permission, with the exception of bathroom breaks. Even then though, do NOT release the air. It needs to go back in the exact same way it came out.

This will make me happy. Will you willingly comply?”

i said, “yes of course Sir. Thank you Sir.”

And i was dripping wet! Knowing he is happy makes me soooo happy and soooo wet too!

Why is he stretching my pussy? Well, he has always said my puss is way too tight. When i orgasm, and he is inside me, i tend to squeeze tight and ultimately push him out. It isn’t at all intentional!

So he says we need to stretch it out to not have that happen and to allow his “cock to have a warm, inviting place to stay….” and i agree wholeheartedly! Even if it will hurt and be sore by the end of the day, it is well with my soul!

My puss belongs to him all the time, but especially today!

Does my willingness to stretch it out and feel some pain, with a smile on my face and knowing how happy we both are with this, move my sex-temperature from being just a submissive to being a sex slave? i just don’t know……

But i think i have no/few limits as to our sex-life, and rarely use my safe words. In fact, i try very hard to NOT use them and instead, to accept his will as my own. i trust he will know my limits and/or ask if he is unsure, to which i will always answer truthfully.

While he has never ordered me naked and on the floor by his side, if he did, i would do it. Willingly. Happily. And without a single complaint. Most days anyway, and of course, not when our son is around or when i need to go to work. So there are limits within the no-limits-for-sex zone, which probably puts me back to my first thought that i am just a submissive because sex-slave isn’t really practical.

So again, do these sexual tendencies make me a slave for sex? or maybe a part-time slave and a full-time submissive or maybe just a submissive who likes a strong Dominant in the bedroom or ……

Yes, i am indeed getting caught up in terms and labels. But i am just speculating and thinking out loud about these things too.

i will likely explore this topic further in future posts too. What do you think? Where is “the” line? Is it possible to be a submissive for wife duties and a slave for sex activities?

Or maybe i’ll tell you more about my day with the dildo. Which would you prefer to hear more about? 😉

Hugs,

Marie