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Tag: acceptance

222 – Sharing me with his BFF – fiction – Part II

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 222 – Sharing me with his BFF – fiction – Part II

This is a continuation of the previous post, so if you haven’t read the first part, you really should do so first.

Sir looked at his friend and asked him, “well, would you want her to stay with you tonight?”

Our friend David looked at me, then looked at my Sir and said, “if you are sure this is ok by you, then yes, I’d love to release some of the pressure that’s built up over the last few months.”

While looking from me to David, he added, “but I must warn you both, my ex-wife caused me a lot of stress and took a lot of money from me in the process. I’m still pretty angry with her at how she just used and abused me like that, so I’m not sure how nice I can be tonight.”

My Sir let out a laugh and said, “Don’t worry my friend, we both know how much pent up anxiety you’ve had. Use my wife’s holes anyway you’d like and allow yourself to have fun. My wife provides the best stress reliever there is! Which is ultimately why I wanted to share her with you too. I knew you needed to pound away at a woman tonight way more than I did. She’s tough and can handle anything you give her. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

I smiled and said, “oh Yes Sir.” Then looking at our friend, I added, “Tonight is about you Sir.”

My Sir looked at me and said, “Now you know my love, that tonight is not about you. You may or may not get to orgasm, depending if David allows it. But your needs are irrelevant tonight. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir, I do indeed understand and I wouldn’t have it any other way!,” is how I responded.

Sir looked at his friend and said, “This is one time you need to be completely selfish and let her be the whore she is for you tonight. Of course, she’s actually better than a whore, because she comes to you free of charge.”

Our friend smiled and said, “it’s rare that I get anything for free. People see my money and want to know how much they can have. You are a true friend!”

Sir then said, “it’s the least I can for my Best Friend! I knew you needed this and I have the cure for you! Be sure to use her to get every ounce of happiness you seek and all she will ask in return is that you snuggle a bit with her at the end. That’s when you’ll need to reassure her that she’s made you happy and that she’s a good girl.”

He continued. “If you want to let her orgasm, you can but you don’t have to. She will ask when she feels she needs to orgasm, but she always seems to ask before she truly needs it too. I almost never say yes the first time she asks but tonight, it’s your call. Maybe you want to feel that orgasm of hers glide over your cock welcoming it more into her folds. It’s up to you.”

Finally he said, “I only ask though that if she is not completely compliant and attentive to you and your needs, you punish her before the night is through. She knows her place and she needs to know you will keep her in line. All good?”

With that, our friend David smiled, gave my Sir the kind of man-shake hug that men do while patting each other on the back with their free hand.

Our friend drew back and said, “thanks man. Not many people would be so kind.”

Sir replied, “you’re my best friend, what’s mine is yours. I’m glad I can help.”

I was just watching this entire exchange from the bed, patiently waiting to be acknowledged. At that moment is when Sir came to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, while facing me squarely and said, “be a good submissive slut wife tonight. If you aren’t, in addition to whatever punishment David gives you, I may well do more at home tomorrow. Don’t embarrass me with my friend. Do you understand?”

I was so excited to be shared with his friend and possibly make this a future thing too, that I smiled at David and then looked to my Sir said, “oh yes Sir. I know my responsibilities tonight. I won’t let either of you down. Thank you Sir!”

My Sir kissed me then and said, “alright, have fun you two. I’ll see myself out now.”

And he left the room, with me on the bed naked and David fully clothed standing and staring. I wasn’t too sure David knew how to start. He was like a little school boy at that moment, so with my hand I beckoned him to me with a sly grin, I said, “Come to me Sir.”

And he did. I raised up on my knees and moved to kiss him. My hands found his zipper at the same time and unzipped his pants. He let them fall to the floor.

I started to reach for the buttons of his shirt when I felt his hands moving that way already. So instead, I pulled his boxers down and let those hit the floor too.

While he finished taking his shirt off, I moved my face down to his cock. I slid my mouth down upon it with my hands cupping at his balls, and proceeded to start sucking him harder than he already was. I was moving slowly and gently, kneading his balls with my hand as my mouth stroked at his cock.

I heard his shirt drop, followed by a sigh of happiness. He said, “Damn woman, David taught you to suck cock like a pro!”

Hearing those words of encouragement, I was inspired to do more. As I started to move more swiftly, that’s when he grabbed either side of my head with both of his hands and he held my face still. He started moving his cock in and out, face fucking me. He started going faster and faster, and that’s when he jammed his big cock down my throat. I was concentrating on not gagging as I knew I shouldn’t.

He did this over and over again, and then with one big jab he pushed as deep as he could go and held it there for what felt like an eternity but likely only a few seconds. As he held it deep inside my throat, it cut off my air way and I almost pulled back from fear of not being able to breath. But at that moment, he released the hold on my face with his hands and pulled his cock out of my mouth.

While climbing onto the bed, he said, “you are a good fucking whore! I’m already impressed with how well you are trained. David has done an amazing job with you!”

“Thank you Sir. I’m glad to be able to serve you.”

“Let’s see what else can you do! Now lay on your back woman with your legs spread wide.” And I did so with a smile on my face.

“I’m already impressed with one hole, but now it’s time to try out another.”

He climbed on the bed between my legs and he said, “put my cock to your opening so I can use you the way I need to.”

I said, “Yes Sir,” as I reached between my legs and took hold of his cock. I pulled it close to my pussy’s opening as he then pressed forward to penetrate me.

After pressing in just one inch, he paused. He looked me in the eye and said, “do you think I’m going to be nice to you tonight?”

“I’m not sure Sir. But does it matter?”

“You’re right. It doesn’t!”

And he pressed all the way forward, balls deep, as far into my pussy as he could go. All in one swift move. I gasped as i felt the depth of his cock inside me. Then he swiftly pulled back all the way to the tip, and pressed deep once again in one more swift move.

Both times, I felt his cock spread my lips wide. His cock felt so damn good inside this needy pussy, so I told him that too.

It got him motivated to pound me hard and fast for the next many minutes. I was loving every minute of it. I said, “Sir, your cock feels completely amazing. Thank you for giving me this time with you.”

Suddenly, he collapsed on top of my chest, and just as quickly he rolled us both. I found myself on top of him just that quickly. He pressed me up to a sitting position. He grabbed my nipples, one in each hand, and he squeezed. That’s when he said, “Now you need to ride my cock like the bitch you are. Show me how much you want my cock inside you. Don’t stop until I allow it either!”

I started grinding on his cock in earnest. I was moving forward and back, going faster on his thick cock. He held tight of my nipples, so as I moved back my nipples were held taut and hurt. I reached up to my tits and grabbed the base of them, in an attempt to give them a little comfort. I didn’t dare ask him to let go, but I sure wanted to.

He said, “You are a talented woman, but I’m going to make you better! I can tell my firm touch to your nips is causing you a bit of pain but I think it’s nothing compared to that paddling you took earlier tonight. So let them be and relish in the thought that this makes me happy. Let go of your tits and let me pull at them as I wish.”

As he spoke, I felt my pussy contract. He was right. This was all good for me, My pussy squeezed hard on his cock and I said, “Yes Sir. Thank you Sir.”

He suddenly let go of my nipples, and grabbed at each of my ass cheeks. He said, “now move woman!” And he started helping me move me up and down on his rigid member. I moved swift and we were both nearing orgasm.

I asked, “Please Sir, may I cum?”

He grunted out, “NO. Not until after I do! I’m going to cum deep in this cunt and I want to enjoy this moment on my own!”

I kept going. I felt his cock flexing hard. I was getting tired and I really wanted to orgasm. I asked again. This time when I asked, he slapped hard at my already-sore ass, and he yelled, “Fuck! I said no, I meant no! Get me off and then we’ll talk!”

“Yes Sir.”

I started working his cock in earnest. I wanted him to orgasm in my pussy so much, I started telling him that too. “Please Sir, use my hole to dump your cum deep into. You deserve to have a willing and accepting hole for your precious gift. I wish your ex-wife would’ve realized the precious gift you had to offer. But make no mistake Sir, I am grateful to be your cum dump now!”

I worked his cock as he helped by pressing my ass back and forth too. His head rolled back and he said, “oh baby, I need to cum! Keep working my cock. Don’t you fucking stop I’ll use that paddle on you so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week!”

“Oh God Sir, you have the magic words to turn me on. I really need to cum Sir!”

“Then you better fucking get me off quick so you can have yours!”

It was just another minute, when he suddenly gripped at my ass holding me firmly on top of his cock. He didn’t let me move. His cock was so deep inside me and filled me so thoroughly, but I knew it was at that moment he was filling me even more with his seed. I felt his dick flex in my pussy.

It was then that he said, “NOW you may cum!” And he brought his hand around to my clit and started flicking at it. I asked, “may I ride you another minute Sir?”

He said, “absolutely. But you best be quick because as you milk the last of my cum from my dick, I’ll be soft soon too.”

I became hungry for my orgasm. Time was of the essence and I wasn’t going to miss out. With his fingers caressing my clit and my determination, I rode his cock as hard as I could, as fast as I could. I needed to feel it deep. And it was only a minute later I screamed out, “Sir. I need to cum. Now.”

He said, “that wasn’t a question. But yes, you may orgasm.”

That was all I needed to hear! I let the the orgasm engulf me entirely. It washed over me entirely. I went rigid almost immediately and just relished in the feelings.

I felt my clit pulse as the blood flexed through my veins. And that’s when I collapsed on top of my new Sir’s chest.

I rested there for a few minutes. He allowed me to gain my composure there as he stroked my back and told me I was a good girl over and over, which I cherished thoroughly.

He rolled me to his side, where we were then laying together spooning. We rested there a good long time, and I fell asleep just that way. I’m not too sure if he slept or not but I wasn’t concerned about him. I knew he was happy, and that allowed me to just fully relax.

We laid that way for several hours. I slept so well in his arms, and I think he enjoyed me there with him too.

I don’t know what time it was when I awakened, probably 3 or 4 am, but I felt his arm hooked under my hips where he was clearly moving me into a particular position.

He must’ve figured out I was awakened, because before i could say a word he said, “hush baby girl. Don’t speak. I need to use another hole now though too. My ex never let me fuck her ass, and I’m going to fuck yours the way I wanted to fuck hers. Hard and fast! I’m going to own your ass and you’ll let me do it too.”

He added, “I want you on all fours. Now. Get into position and do not move until I allow it. Do you understand me?”

While still trying to wake up but also trying to be compliant, I responded with, “Yes Sir.”

With his arm on my hips and my help, I was immediately on all fours. And I heard him say, “I’m going to mount you like the dog I want you to be. You are my bitch and I’m going to fuck your ass hard.”

“Please Sir, use me as you want.”

“Oh believe me, I’m going to use you now for my pleasure. I don’t give a fucking rat’s ass if you orgasm, or how many times. Don’t even ask. In fact, don’t say a fucking word! What I care about is filling your ass with my cum. Just know, I’m not going to be nice or easy. I’m going to aggressively fuck you. Starting now….”

With that, I felt the tip of his cock start to enter my ass. I prepared to feel the pressure that I always dread as it starts to press against my sphincter muscle. I love anal sex, but not the first pressure that builds before the dick gets past that muscle.

I hold my breath. Despite his words, he was kind. He went slow. As I felt the pressure start to build, I gasped. He paused, and said, “get ready. I’m about to press on through. Are you ready?”

“Yes Sir. I’m ready.”

I pressed outward, opening my muscles to allow more room for his cock. And just like that, he pressed hard and fast. He was immediately as deep as he could be inside my ass. I gasped in hard. I knew how his cock felt in my puss, but he sure felt so much bigger now in my tighter ass hole too. He held that for just a minute and let me catch my breath.

Then he said, “that’s the last I’ll be nice. Now it’s all about me.”

“Yes Sir. I understand. I’m here for you to use.”

He said, “I don’t need to hear your approval. I know what you’re here for. If you don’t though, you are about to find out! Don’t speak another word!”

With that, I pushed my hand down between my legs and started playing with my clit while he started pounding my ass. I know he saw me reach down to play with myself, but I figured unless he said I couldn’t I would! And he didn’t, so I did!

He was popping my ass as he pulled in and out every time. I was loving how he was plugging my back hole. The more he pegged me, the more I played with my clit. Suddenly, I was in a full orgasm! As I did, all my muscles flexed hard. But it was short lived. David was not impressed.

He immediately slapped hard on my (still) tender ass. He said, “focus woman! I said you could orgasm, but not if you are going to get all selfish and not allow me to have your undivided attention!”

“Now stop playing with your clit. Focus on me and making my cock happy! I’m going to fucking cum in your fucking ass. And you’ll thank me for it when I’m done.”

That’s when he grabbed onto my collar and pulled back. He said, “this collar is useful. I’m going to use it to keep you in this exact position while I fuck you as hard as I can.”

And with that, he started pounding away at my ass. In and out. Over and again. I heard him muttering things like, “give it to me bitch!”

And “I’m going to fill this hole so it drips for hours!”

And “your ass feels like the best I’ve ever had.”

After all this, even without my fingers touching my clit, I felt it come up. My next orgasm. I was about to orgasm without even having any touch to my pussy. It was coming entirely from my ass being pumped over and again.

And finally, I heard him say, “Fuck! I’m cumming now!”

And he slammed into my ass, held himself tight against me, and I felt his cock flex in my ass as he dumped his seed deep inside me. Again.

And that was all I needed. I felt it some over me just like that. I orgasmed that fast. I didn’t even expect it to happen then, but it creeped up and eeked out. It over took me slowly and softly. I loved it!

He collapsed onto my back and whispered in my ear, “I love all your holes so much. I love that David my best friend and he has trained you this well. You make me happy.”

I thanked him thoroughly. I was so happy he was using me the way he was.

That’s when we fell asleep once more together again. His arms wrapped around me and we slept so well.

When we finally awoke and he took me home, he thanked David for allowing me to pleasure him. Then he asked my Sir, “can I start seeing her regularly?”

David said, “Sure man! What did you have in mind?”

And with that our friend, and my new Second Sir, said, “I’d like to hump her weekly… on hump day!”

David laughed saying, “I’m glad to hear she performed well for you. You have a deal! Every hump day you have a submissive wife at your beckon call!”

I walked up to my new Second Sir and said, “I’ll see you on Hump Day Sir!” I blew him a kiss and he left.

My husband then turned to me and asked, “have a good time, did you baby girl?”

I responded, “oh yes Sir. I love having a second Sir now and I’m glad to make you both happy.”

That’s when my Sir said, “then let’s go make me happy now too. Take your clothes off and I’ll see you in the bedroom in 5!”

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir!”

The end.

Hugs,

Marie

120 – What to do if he is wrong

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 120 – What to do if he is wrong

i had a reader email me recently and ask, “what do you do if or when David is wrong? How do you submit to him when you just know that he is wrong?”

And the email went on to ask things like “what about when a parent is wrong and the child is expected to submit? Should you let it go and just submit, or bring it out and try to talk?”

i decided i would use that email as inspiration to make a post …. and show my vulnerability here to all. In fact, i haven’t responded yet to the emailer because i dwelt on and pondered these questions all day. And when i had formulated an answer, i thought maybe i would post it here to put it out there for all to see as well.

Why post it here? Because i suspect the emailer isn’t alone in wanting these answers, but they made a point to step out of their comfort zone and ask me. So i wanted to share my thoughts here for all to read, critique, and maybe even add your thoughts along side mine too.

Ultimately….. i still submit.

Plain and simple.

But there’s always more, right? So here’s the “more” part.

First and foremost, it is biblical. The Bible says Wives are to submit to their Husbands, and Husbands are to love their wives. It does not say Men are to submit to the wife, but rather he is to just love her. And if you want to get technical, it doesn’t say she needs to love him even. While that’s always a good thing, the single directive women have is to submit to their husbands.

And ultimately the Bible also says (in other places) that men are to submit to God and to lead their family. So the ultimate goal is to have one Head of Household (HoH) who follows God, and then she follows him.k creating harmony and unity within every family.

So that’s the overriding reason why i submit.

And yet, it is hard to sometimes hard to submit to an Earthly husband (and/or father… or really any authoritarian in our Earthly world) who does make mistakes and doesn’t follow all of God’s will…. all because he’s as human as the rest of us. He makes mistakes, decisions, and takes actions that are fallible and subject to errors. But i am told by God directly, in plainly written words that i am to submit and obey my husband.

So with that in mind, I submit.

But then if i K-N-O-W David is in the wrong, how exactly do i do that? Well… like everything in life…. it depends! Lol!

It mostly depends on what David is wrong about how exactly i respond really. There are things that he’s wrong about that simple just don’t matter! In those times, i just go with it.

For example, say he is driving to some place we haven’t been to before and i am a passenger. i have it all programmed into Google maps, which is telling us how to get there. And he says something like, “I know a shortcut. We are going this way.” And he turns off the road and takes an alternative route. Well, either he’s dead wrong about it being an available route at all or maybe just wrong about the idea of it being quicker. Either way, i know he’s wrong. In this case, i would do nothing. i would not point it out to him, in fact, i would not say a single word at all! Why? Because it doesn’t matter. He will figure out that we’ve gone off the best path soon enough. And Google will reroute and tell us the new way to go, which may even be to, “Make a u turn at the next street.” So by me pointing it out to David at this point is unnecessary and only serves to make me look arrogant, rude, and obnoxious. And cause us to fight. Which is just trouble for me, for no good reason. Which ultimately leads to discipline.

Now let’s say it’s more serious and it DOES matter. Whatever he’s wrong about can cause big problems because he’s wrong. What do i do then?

Well, i am having a hard time thinking of a good example here, so i am struggling to have an answer too. But what i think i would do is first say something like, “i’m not too sure that’s quite right. Can i tell you what i’m thinking?” And wait to see what he says.

More than likely he will say something like, “ok, what do you think?” and then i would say, “i believe it may be that the answer is…..blah, blah, blah”

But let’s say he doesn’t want to hear my opinion. He says instead, “I know I’m right and your opinion is irrelevant” (or something like that anyway). i would probably try to ask again by saying something like, “i’m quite concerned this may not be the best way forward. i am not sure you have all the facts. Can i please tell you what i know that you may not?” And that would most likely alert him that i think he really should hear me out.

But let’s just say he starts to get irritated and says, “I said no. I meant no. Now stop!” That’s when i typically just submit. And i say, “yes Sir” and get quiet.

Why not try to press on? Well, unless it is life threatening to one of us, i would tell you the answer here is the same as the answer above, it just doesn’t matter in the end. Oh there may be some bad stuff happen as a result of his decision, but does it really matter? i would tell you NO, it most likely does not.

Okay, so what IF it WAS life threatening? Well, i would insist he listen to me. And if he still didn’t listen to me, well now, i would refuse to submit. But notice how many layers i went through before i said i would not submit? Mainly because: 1) the Bible says it is my responsibility to submit, and 2) it just doesn’t really matter in the end.

i would also offer another thought too. Quite often, i find that my thoughts or ways are not “right” and his are not “wrong” either. Frequently it was a matter of opinion, not fact. And everyone is entitled to their opinion in the end. So why not just let him think what he wants and why try to prove i am “right” when in fact, it is just ultimately “different”?

Like in my example above about driving. Sometimes his short cut ways do get us there faster. Just because Google didn’t tell us to go that way, David did in fact know a short cut. So i was not right in thinking he was wrong!

And let’s just say something happens where he ultimately determines he WAS wrong. He wouldn’t say, “you were right” nor would i say, “i told you so,” because rubbing it in is unnecessary at that point. He would know he was wrong, he’d know i knew he was wrong, and we would deal with the consequences of whatever bad stuff happened because of the incorrect decision he made. And we would move on. Life wouldn’t be better (or worse) as a result of that bad decision, or his realization that he was wrong, just slightly different at that point. And in the scheme of things… not much different either.

And i’m ok with all that. i don’t have to be right. And as long as its not life threatening (or causing bodily harm), then…

It just doesn’t matter. And so i submit. i follow God’s will for me as a wife, and i pray that God gives my husband wisdom and guidance to follow God’s will also!

To my fellow submissives, what would you do if your Dom (or parent) was wrong? How would you handle the situation?

Hugs,

Marie

91 – what does it feel like?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 91 – what does it feel like?

i get asked this question a lot….. with many things….. and of course, most recently with the chastity. But previously with getting nipples pierced. And frequently and quite regularly with spanking. And always with submission-in-general.

With the exception of the “submission,” i don’t think the question is aimed at asking how i feel emotionally, but rather how does it feel physically.

i suppose much of how i write is more about the emotional than the physical, but even then, sometimes it’s more from an objective standpoint than a “me” standpoint. For example, “i received a harsh spanking but i did xyz…”. That statement is rather objective and i don’t exactly say how it felt… either physical or emotional.

So i guess i can appreciate why i get asked to describe more of the feeling of things. So i’ll describe the physical AND the emotional FEELING…..

So i’ll just start with……..

CHASTITY….

Physical:

First off, i want to make it clear that it does NOT hurt. At all.

It is (somewhat) uncomfortable as it is tight and unforgiving in the restriction it imposed. But that’s the whole idea and how it’s supposed to be too!

Because it is steel, it moves as one full unit. Meaning, if you press on the back, the front moves and the same with side to side too.

i can’t get into or out of it by myself. Because it is metal, it is stiff. And all 3 of the prongs/parts have to come together and held in place, while the lock is put on. And logistically, it takes 2-hands to hold it in place and one more to apply the lock. Oh probably after some effort, i suppose i could get it on and off by myself but it wouldn’t be easy.

i suppose the difficulty comes from it being so tight. But if it weren’t so tight though, it wouldn’t do what it is supposed to: restrict access.

Now don’t misunderstand, it’s not so tight that i can’t breath, move, walk, or talk. It’s not those things, remember i already said, “it does NOT hurt.”

It does restrict access, specifically to my clit and any penetration of my puss. i suppose if i suck in air and my stomach with it, i could get my fingers between the metal and my clit. But as soon as i breath out, it would squeeze my fingers and likely cause pain. So trying to do that long enough to achieve orgasm is NOT likely!

Sir has frequently told me i touch myself way too much and i needed to control it. But …. the temptation has been too great for far too long.

In fact, touching myself without permission was the reason for a spanking gone wrong. Admittedly, i don’t touch my breasts or ass, so this is truly achieving what he wants….. controlling my ability to touch, pleasure, or orgasm without permission.

Going to the bathroom is a bit strange. i lift my dress and sit down. Because the Chastity is stainless steel and designed for 24/7 use, there is a hole in the back for poo and a grate in the front for pee. But sitting down on the toilet with the equivalent of (hard, tight, metal) panties still on and to relax enough to pee is a bit of a mental game for sure. But it does work really easily after i relax. The biggest challenge is wiping… the metal first, the sides next, and then the back. And when i don’t do it well enough, it drips down my leg. It takes a lot more time but it seems to be working.

i haven’t taken a shower with it on so i have no idea about that……

Mentally:

The chastity belt is a constant reminder that my body isn’t mine to control.

It’s kinda strange to put my hand in front of me and feel hard metal instead of soft skin, but again, a very constant and continual reminder that i should not be pleasuring myself at all. So it is both simultaneously (mentally) stimulating AND forcing me to think about other things too.

Typically when our son isn’t around and i have no panties on, i find ways to lower my puss onto Sir’s knee and seductively ask, “you want to touch it? You want to make it cum?”

But not today. Today, locked in chastity, we have talked about very non-seductive things…. tv shows, plans for dinner, what work holds this week, craft projects i have in the works, etc.

i have always loved enticing David to touch me and hoping that it was making him happy.

But in a lot of ways, i can see now (while in chastity) that those “enticements” were me putting suggestions in David’s head and it was ultimately about ME. It was me telling myself i was being submissive, because i ultimately gave him the choice to touch me or not. But that wasn’t really true, was it?

TODAY…..

Today i have been in chastity since getting out of the shower at 8:00 am and it is now approaching bed time ….more than 12-consecutive-hours.

Day 1 was only a few hours, yesterday.

Day 2 has been a very long time, today.

Even after all these hours, what i wrote above is true…. it doesn’t hurt, but a bit uncomfortable, not so unbearable i want it off. And the longer it goes, the more i am submissive in my mindset too!

Earlier in the afternoon, Sir did reach up and put his hand under my dress and tease the sides of my labia with his hand and said, “too bad you are all covered up and not possible to play with! I might’ve let you cum!”

i said, “if you want me to take it off, i can…..” (although as noted above, i probably can’t really get out of it on my own…..A-N-D……. i am NOT the one who holds the key anyway!!)

He said, “Noooooooo……If I wanted you out, I’d get you out! There’s no reason to get you out.”

And he walked away.

Later in the afternoon, Sir told me to do something and i immediately responded with, “but that’s not right…. blah blah”

And he cut me off and said, “Marie! You need to listen to me!” i immediately responded with, “i’m sorry Sir” and wished i wasn’t so quick to have responded.

He looked at me and smiled saying, “do you feel sufficiently chastised??”

i responded with, “oh yes, most definitely!”

He knew the double meaning when he used the word “chastised” and it was intentional! We both laughed.

Then as i was dressing for bed, Sir said, “you have a choice…. sleep with it in or take it off and get to cum.”

i cringed. i don’t like these types of choices. i don’t know what the “right” answer is. And i told him so.

He said, “There’s no right or wrong answer. I want to see how you’ll respond. Do what you want here.”

And i asked to be unlocked.

And to cum.

And i got it! At his hand. Not mine.

So i’m not sure how much i’ll ultimately wear it …. in any given day or how many days in general. Sir has made it clear it won’t be worn “permanently,” or “indefinitely”, but now today after having been in chastity all day, i can see the benefits of it and would willingly submit both my body and my mind to it regularly!

Maybe i’ll get to wear it overnight someday ….. and test my ultimate endurance….. but even then, i am NOT in control…. of anything. And it is VERY obvious to me while i AM in chastity!

The rest of the topics?!? Well… that will make good blog topics in the next few days. So, i’ll just end this here…..

While i’m unclear about the ultimate plan, i am happy to not know and to just submit!

Hugs,

Marie

Day 11: My Submissiveness

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Day 11: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT…ethics of kink?

i think safe, sane, and consenting are three words that should always be a part of every relationship, but especially in a kinky one. And no one should have to compromise those three things. Ever.

Beyond that though, i don’t know if the question was intended the way i am thinking here, but if i were to think deeper….

We have had sex with others. We mostly do it like a swinger situation, with everyone in the same room but not always. i love seeing David make another woman happy. And he typically positions himself where we have eye contact and he stares into my eyes. And he sees my reactions. And on the rare occasion i have had trouble with what i’ve seen, he reads my reactions well and he changes it up to make me happy!

i don’t really remember the last time though that we have been with AnYoNe else…because …well…it’s really been that long ago. We haven’t sworn off others, so much as life just gets in the way. And now given COVID, who knows if-when that might ever happen. And i’m ok with that too.

****** i want to add that after having been a cheated-on wife, and me feeling betrayed…. we NEVER do ANYTHING with anyone else that their spouse isn’t aware. And i KNOW the spouse is aware by talking to them about it too (or they are actually included at the time too). i refuse to be that person who hated when it was done to me… and now would be doing it to someone else! The only exception may be if they have a spouse and didn’t even tell us. Which to date, hasn’t happened, that i am aware of. But if we were to find ourselves in that position, i would 1) break it off with the person and/or 2) go directly to that spouse to tell them what’s happened. Cheating on someone’s spouse isn’t acceptable. (How’s that for ethics?)

Blue Bell Ice cream has a saying/slogan, “we eat all we can, and we sell the rest.” They literally hire employees and say, “eat as much as you want for free. It’s a perk of the company”. Why do they do that? Because before they allowed it, employees would steal it. After they opened it up and embraced it, employees eat ice cream for about a week and the novelty wears off and no one eats (much of) it after that.

So like Blue Bell, we have more or less adopted this approach for our marriage…. you can’t “cheat” on your spouse if you are doing it openly and together. And like everything in a kinky relationship, or really ANY relationship, we have talked about this. As long as we come home together, we enjoy this time together.

Why do we do this? Well… it’s sexy. It’s fun. And in the end, it keeps us together. We completely trust that we will be coming home together and we LOVE each other and spending time together.

i have thought before… what’s the difference between having sex with others with my husband… OR……going to a football game with my husband? Or going to a rock concert? Or playing golf? Or going on vacation together?

If you don’t get too deep into this… (seriously don’t overthink this here…. go here instead! Lol!)….. it is simply spending time together, doing something fun together, and being open/honest with one another.

i am secure enough in our relationship to know that we will always be together, that our love runs very deep, and now with DD we have a way of dealing with things that works when everything seems like it’s not.

So for what it’s worth… i am a safe, sane, and consenting (spanked, submissive) wife. And i’m all good with this!

Hugs,

Marie

74 – Memoir 3 – CHANGE… ME or YOU?

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After that (almost completely) fateful night…. the only “real” change in our marriage for ALMOST A FULL YEAR was that I was tracking his phone, watching his email, scouring the credit card and phone statements, for the express purpose of looking for trouble. I never found any, which really made me wonder if he was just better at hiding it, or if it was truly not happening. I had NO way of knowing what “truth” was anymore.

In short: I didn’t trust him!

i know you are thinking, “what? NO change? Why?” Well…. it is harder than you think and it’s a lot easier to talk about it when you aren’t in the middle of the emotional part of it too!It took a lot of time to even decide if we wanted to try, then work up the effort to make it happen, and then what does this so-called “change” even look like?!?

But after almost another year of me being hyper vigilant and watching him like a hawk, we were both miserable. He got mad at one point and said, “I can’t live with you watching my every move. I can’t prove the negative… THAT is not even possible! What will it take to move past this? I’m still HERE. With YOU. What can I do to prove that YOU are who I want???”

That was the first sign of outward fatigue for either of us. I knew I was already SO very tired of trying to figure out if I should stay, should go, how to make things better, feeling good AND bad…. and ultimately….. I was tired of ….being in control. This was NOT sustainable!

C-H-A-N-G-E was becoming the word of the day and I simply had to stop running from it and start embracing it.

Now you may wonder, “WHY did you stay?” Ultimately, it was because I didn’t know if I should leave.

My parents divorced when I was 5. I remember my Dad and Mom having this vicious pattern where Dad would live at our house for months at a time where we were a “Family” again… and then he’d leave. And then he’d be back and repeat. This went on for many years. And I vowed to NEVER do that wish-washy thing to my kid. I decided to stay, “Until I knew I was ready to leave. For good. Forever.”

So every day for more than a year, I prayed the EXACT same prayer EVERY-SINGLE-DAY, “Lord, I don’t know if I should stay or if I should go. But I do know, I need you to be in charge and be in control. If today is the day I should leave, I need you to give me a sign. But if today is the day I need to stay, I will listen and wait on you Lord. Either way, direct my path in the way you want me to go”.

So my decision to STAY was an active decision. It was NOT simply “by default”. Making no decision is ultimately a decision, but I HAD made a decision. Daily!

And that was when the movie “Fireproof” by Kirk Cameron came out. And “The Love Dare” was a thing that sprung from the movie. It wasn’t the best made movie, but when I went to see it (with my mom and sister), it spoke to my heart.

The next day, I bought The Love Dare Book. And it was a 40-day challenge to reign down love on your spouse in a Christian/biblical way …. before you decide to leave/ divorce. And I didn’t tell him at all what I was doing.

The first day said:

I admit, I did NOT do this entire Love Dare with an “all-in” heart. I did this from a “I want to say I tried. And I’m tired from all the other things I’ve done already so maybe this is the thing. So, I’ll try.” So i did it with a Fake-It-Til-You-Make-It mentality.

And holding my tongue that first day was a REAL chore! To which he didn’t even notice. I was not surprised, but I was disappointed.


Day 2 said:

On this day, I bought him a gift. One that was more about the gesture than the gift, but he was surprised. He asked me what prompted it. And thanked me. (He noticed! Progress!)

And this SERVING-HEART continued for many days. I never made it to the end of the full 40-days because we started talking, really talking (!!) somewhere around 10-days in and we started changing……. but more importantly, I started changing!

I no longer saw the problem as HIS fault, but OUR fault. I realized I had done a lot to contribute to David’s unfaithful spirit. I realized I did nothing to bring him home to me and yet he came home anyway. I decided I had to change myself if I was going to expect our marriage to change. And in the end, if I changed but our marriage didn’t, then it was in the Lord’s hands and that would be my “sign” and probably time to go then.

From that point and for Several years forward…… we went into a “sexual discovery” mode of sorts. We started this because I was still angry. He got to have fun, so I should be able to too. But I wanted to do it together, and not behind anyone’s back. (This all sounds crazy to me now, but honestly, I was hurt and mad and sad and unclear and needed to “find a new way” …. to C-H-A-N-G-E). I was unclear if I wanted to be dominant/submissive, sadist/masochist, swinger, tied up/ do the tying, polyamorous, bisexual, homosexual/ (lesbian), heterosexual, and every combination you can think of!

We joined a few dating sites and proceeded to try it all! We went to swinger clubs, we met individuals/groups, we did things alone and together.

And the whole time, I scoured the internet asking questions that started with…. “is bisexual forbidden in the Bible?” And “how do i know if I’m a lesbian?” And “how to have a successful open marriage?” and “is polyamory legal?” And “Is swinging morally wrong?”

And we tried out ALL these things! And I do mean, ALL!

Then we started to find what we liked and didn’t….. through all this discovery, I found that I didn’t like being tall, or Capitalized, or In control…. so i went to being the little i, the submissive, the one being handed orders and not giving them, the one who listened and obeyed. And we ultimately confirmed that David did NOT want to give up control nor was he submissive!

THIS was when i discovered DD. And specifically it was Jennifer’s blog that showed me some of the how-to’s. And how to get it into our marriage fully. i followed her blog and “lurked” for about a full year before i knew this was what i truly needed, with our own twist on it too.

That’s when I started googling things like “is it right to like to be spanked?” And “is spanking your wife biblical?” And “why does the Bible say to submit to your husband?” And “What is DD?” And “What’s the difference in BDSM and DD”.

It was also then that i realized that God answered my prayers. He allowed me to explore with my husband, but never leave him. He allowed me to be with my husband, while discovering who i am. (The little i).

And strangely enough, all that control i tried to hang onto in the start was freeing to give up. i was hanging on so tightly to the sand, that i was crushing it in my hand and it slipped through the cracks. Giving into it freed me. And allowed our marriage to experience the true change we both sought!

Now …. all that was left…. while David basically knew what i needed, we hadn’t actually decided or talked about “this being our way”. Not had i any clue if he’d actually willingly spank me for discipline, and not just for sexual/kink! But i knew… i had to talk to him. And the overwhelming thoughts of “what if he says no?”… loomed large!

i will end this memoir series with the final post tomorrow …. talking about how we specifically talked about THIS thing we do with D/s and DD consequences.

Hugs,

Marie