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232 – W-H-Y Top from the Bottom??

Written by Marie on . Posted in my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 232 – W-H-Y Top from the Bottom??

i mentioned in the last post about Topping-from-the-Bottom. i want to talk more about that now…

First, what is it?

Next, why would anyone do it?

Last, why did i do it?

So let’s start with “what is it?”

Pure and simple, it is a submissive (a bottom) telling a a dominant (a top) how to do their job. Think of it like “a backseat driver”, where the sub isn’t driving but tells the Dom, who is driving, how to do it.

And why would anyone do it?

Well, i never set out to do it. i seriously doubt any submissive does. It just did. It just happened. To a large degree, it happened subconsciously actually. And even when i did realize it, i justified it.

i said stuff like, “how else would he know how i feel if i don’t tell him?” And “he doesn’t know my limits or what i like or don’t, if i don’t speak up.”

While those things are absolutely true, the problem comes when i stop telling him how i feel or about what i like (or don’t like), and begin telling him what he should do or not do with that information.

While not trying to justify it at all, i’d tell you that the latter part (telling him what to do or not), just came as a side effect of the first part. First i would say “i would like xyz.” Then it expanded into, “you know, you could do that right now.” And further moved into, “if you want to see how i will respond, let’s do it now and we can test how far it can go.” And ultimately ended with, “that was nice… let’s do it again tomorrow.” So in effect, i ended up telling him how to do his job, instead of letting him decide what to do (if anything) with that information.

So while it was a suggestion of what he should do, it ended up being more of a command or an order too!

Exactly why did i do it?

Well, as i said before, it was unintentional. i thought since this whole D/s relationship with DD was my idea, that i should tell him about some of the things he could or should do, how to keep me in line, and how to be Dominant. What i didn’t really stop to think about was that maybe he has ideas of his own, and my ideas are … well… irrelevant.

B-U-T …. Now…… things have to change….

This morning, i played out an entire scenario in my head. In the past, i would have acted on it and told David. Today though, i am opting to tell you instead of him. Because while i want to break myself of the nasty habit of being a topper, i need to tell someone what i’d love to tell him! Tag, you are IT!

So yesterday i told you that i told him about how i will always be his submissive wife, regardless if he is my Dominant husband or just my Vanilla husband. His response was a bit of surprise, and then it seemed he forgot about it. i somehow doubt he did actually forget, but he didn’t outwardly tell me he was still thinking about it either.

So as i was dressing this morning, i “imagined” a scenario that i really wanted to happen.

i really wanted him to hold me accountable. i wanted to tell him to hold me accountable. But i did not. i know i can’t. i know if or when the time is right, he will act on his own free will.

But if i could telepathically send subliminal messages to him… i just may try!

It all started as i was drying my hair. In the nude. Like i do daily already. i get my hair all done and set. Then i dress.

i went to the closet and picked a dress. i did not put on a bra, as i (mostly) never do. But i did put on a thong pair of panties, which i know he does not care for.

That’s when i started to dream up what could happen next…..

i imagined him coming into the bathroom and pulling my dress up, to feel what belongs to him, and finding it covered with panties. And him saying, “So being my submissive wife doesn’t include panties. Right?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Then why am I finding these here?”

“i didn’t think you’d notice…. [or care enough to go looking…. And if you did look, you wouldn’t call me out on it.]”

“While you may think I don’t care, you would be wrong. Go lie on the bed and get into position. It’s been a very long time and way overdue, but you do indeed need to be reminded about what a good submissive for me looks like,” he said [in my thoughts].

He continued, “Don’t take anything off, including the shoes. Just get into position and I’ll do the rest.”

i heard the drawer opening. i knew the paddle was being pulled out. It hasn’t left it’s space in so many months, i was equal parts fearful of the pain i was about to feel and excited about being reacquainted with it.

He pulled my dress up over my ass and flopped it onto my back, partially covering my head. He laid the paddle on my ass, even with the thong still on and lying between me and the paddle.

In continuous and smooth succession motions, he proceeded to deliver 10-tight, hard, and intentional swats to my ass. While my ass was so quickly feeling the sting, i think it was the shock to my mind that was more intense than the physical spanking was. When he was done, he laid the paddle back on my ass and told me not to move. i was grateful to be able to lay there another minute and just breathe. Just take it all in.

He went to the bathroom, i heard drawers opening and closing, and he returned. He said, “up on all 4’s now. Spread your legs and let me see your ass.”

i did as i was told. That’s when i felt his finger loop underneath my thong panties and pull them to the side, and the tip of the anal plug press at that opening.

He asked me, “are you really ready to renter the world of submission?”

i told him, “i have never left Sir.”

And in one swift motion, he pressed the plug all the way in deep. And i heard him speak a single word, “Good!” as he did pressed it in place.

i haven’t worn a plug in as many months either, so it was a tight fit. He let go of my panties, threw my dress back down into place, and sat me upright. His hand came to my chin and said, “that’s my good girl. Remember who you belong to. And this time, don’t tell me how to do my job. Off you go to work now!”

When i smiled at him, he smiled back and leaned in and kissed me.

All was right in my world…..

Screechhhhhhh………

Until i realized or came to terms with the fact that all that was in my head and none of that was reality.

Instead, i finished getting dressed and packed up to leave for work. As i was heading out the door, i greeted him and said i was off to work, and he said, “have a great day. I love you!”

i know he does. And because i also love him, i told him so, but i didn’t tell him anything about my fantasy imagination of what may-have-been this morning. (In the past i would have!).

So at this moment, he has no idea of what is (or not) on my body under this dress. He has no idea that i am braless, as he desires. But that i do have a thong on, as the way he does NOT desire. While i did not wear a plug to work, he doesn’t know i even thought about it. He doesn’t know what went on in my head today. And i won’t tell him either, unless of course, he asks…… Which, unless my telepathic connection improves dramatically, is not too likely either.

One day at a time. Letting him be him and me be me is where i need to rest and allow it to unfold as it should…. Not as i want it to be.

And maybe one day, i won’t be a top-from-the -bottom submissive but just a submissive. And he will be a top-as-he-wants-to Dom – vanilla or otherwise! Until then, my fantasies will continue in my head and on this blog….

(No, i am not upset about any of this being my current reality…. Life is too short to feel sad/guilt/sorrow. i enjoy it as it comes, and you should too! And while i can’t deny that i would much prefer to be on the same page with David – in a D/s relationship – forcing it only goes so far and only works for so long. Time will tell where this goes, but what i do know is we have been together for 25+ years at this point and that will continue!)

Hugs,

Marie

223 – December Blinders

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, My Dominant Sir, my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 223 – December Blinders

December is supposed to be the “most wonderful season of all,” at least according to all the Christmas season songs. i find it can be the most hectic and busiest time of all.

And when i get busy… i get stressed…. And the way i deal with stress is to get laser focused on the task at hand, get it done, and checked off the list. Kinda like a race horse with blinders on, i put on my blinders and get focused.

Blinders, as shown in the photo, on a race horse is done to allow it to just focus on what’s straight ahead: the finish line.

As i was searching for the perfect race horse blinder photo, i saw these words on a website that described why a race horse wears the blinders:

Horses wear blinders in order to keep them focused on the job in front of them, not on any external disturbances such as cars, sirens, fireworks, or horse-drawn carriages that would otherwise cause the horse to spook and possibly cause damages or harm to itself.

That first sentence…. “Focused on the job in front of them,” resonates with me. While i do NOT wear actual blinders (come on peeps, i am not that crazy…. Or am i? Lol), that’s how my mind gets when i get stressed with a to-do list a mile long… focused.

Well….. THAT is when i am not at my most-best-submissive self either.

And THAT leads to trouble.

i mean, i have things to do. Who has time to slow down, chose my words properly, deliver the words with correct tone, and say “Sir.” That is all superfluous. Right?? W-R-O-N-G!

So yes, my friends, i went from being the most-submissive wife last month (while being denied O’s) to being on-a-mission to get stuff done and forgetting to be my husband’s submissive wife this month.

NOT a recipe for success.

Yesterday was one such day. We had several of my husband’s coworkers to our house for a Christmas party. Beforehand, as we were setting up, we were working together to get stuff set out and doing well. Until we weren’t.

David asked me, “should we move these chairs?” as he was referring to the dining room chairs set around the table that was now repurposed for the food in a buffet line and wouldn’t be used as a seating/earring table.

So i said, “where?” As in, “ok, let’s move them… but i’m not sure where would be best… just back away or to a useful place? What did you have in mind?”

What David heard was, “And where would you think we should put them? There’s no logical place, and it’s not necessary, people can move the, if they get in the way… we have other things to do, so ……”

Again… laser focused, no time for excess words…. And … yah, in trouble i was!

He was immediately angry. He looked at me and said, “When I make a suggestion, it’s important. You do not need to question me. Either you’ll be submissive and do as I say or we won’t do this at all. Do I make myself clear?”

i was in shock honestly. i didn’t understand what the problem was actually. Here’s what went through my head……

i said, “where?” What was there that i was questioning? Why is he mad? i thought i was being helpful, submissive, and getting things done. What does he mean by “you’ll be submissive..or we won’t do this at all.”….. being submissive is who i am, not an air i put on. i can’t NOT do it. Does he mean he won’t be my Sir? He wasn’t saying we wouldn’t be married and we won’t do MARRIAGE at all, was he?”

I WAS CONFUSED.

So when he said, “Do I make myself clear?” My ultimate thought was “ NO, not really!”

Thankfully, what came out of my mouth next was, “YES.”

But…. Of course…. i didn’t say, “Sir.” Nor did i respond any too quickly. There was a distinct pause in my response (see above for all the things i was thinking about!! That took a hot minute!)

That’s when he said, “your response makes your position clear.”

And he stood there staring at me, expecting a better response and more words to come from my mouth. Of which, i strongly debated if i should stay silent OR spew out all the paragraph of thoughts that went through my mind! (See above again.)

i knew if i said anything at all, we would be in a fight. I also knew he was expecting more from me.

Oh-good-grief. What a disastrous start to this party! Now i was just annoyed.

And at that very moment, i was saved by the bell. Literally, our door bell rang. Our first guest arrived. And he went to answer it. Thankful for the reprieve, the party was officially started. (It had to get better from here, right?? YES it did!)

i honestly figured all would be done and forgotten then as we entertained, ate, drank, and hours of conversation passed. But at the end, after all the guests left and we were cleaning up, David looked at me and said, “so…. Tell me what you were thinking when the door bell rang.”

OH CRAP. Really?? Ok, fine, i will tell you. But you just TOLD me to tell you. i can’t together in trouble for speaking my mind when i was told to, right??

So i told him. Just like i told you above.

And no, i didn’t get in trouble. Nor did we get in a fight. It’s probable it would’ve done one of those (trouble or fight), had I said it earlier, because there was emotion involved. However, by the time the words flowed, the emotion had subsided on both sides, which was a good thing!

Instead of trouble, he put his arms around my neck, leaned down and kissed me, and said, “I guess my suggestion should have been worded differently, but so should your response. Would you agree?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Good girl. Now let’s go to sleep and do better tomorrow, shall we?”

“Yes Sir.”

And it ended well. But….. i need to take the blinders OFF some too. i don’t need to be so laser focused on perfection, getting to the finish line, or getting everything done even!

That same horse website mentioned previously said this about “why doesn’t the horse wear blinders all the time?”…

If worn all the time, however, blinders would get in a horse’s way. He may not spot the cool stream to his left or the tasty mound of hay to his right. He could run through a wide meadow unable to quench his thirst or satisfy his hunger.

i need to remember to slow down, look around, and remember who i am….

David’s submissive wife.

(Or else next time i likely WILL run into real trouble!)

Hugs,

Marie

190 – Naked Housewife Headspace

Written by Marie on . Posted in Chastity Belt, my submissiveness, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Denial, Spanking, Submission, Submissive Wife, Wife Spanking. No Comments on 190 – Naked Housewife Headspace

While yesterday i told you that my submission isn’t just about sex or sexual activity, and that is indeed true, when i am in my most submissive headspace i do tend to think about sex and my sexual submission all the time .

i have an ongoing dialogue in my head about things that if i were in charge, what i would tell myself. Sometimes i share these thoughts with David. And on occasion he indulges me, but most of the time, he does his own thing in the end.

i do think he likes hearing my thoughts because he can see/hear what i think. He can see how submissive i want to be for him.

Today i had one of those convos in my head and i texted it to David. i was in the bathtub soaking and relaxing, while he was out walking.

Here is what i told him……..

I think you need to do some or all of this soon/maybe today……

You: “when you get so focused on sex, you start to be too horny for your own good. It’s a recipe for disaster. When you get too focused on getting your orgasm, you show unsubmissive tendencies, because it seems to be the sole focus of your thoughts to the point where you only want it and show disregard for all else. This is exactly the behavior that I don’t care for. So while I want to flame those sexual fires, I want it done my way. For the next month, these are the rules for you:

1) no orgasms. Unless it it by my hand, cock, or directive. Don’t even ask me if you can orgasm or masturbate. The answer is no if you ask. If I want you to orgasm, I will tell you.

2) if you feel the urge to ask me, instead you need to go put something on or in your holes. This can be a dildo, anal plug, a spoon, a hairbrush, or other similar thing. Of course, if you think all those will just cause you to touch yourself more then you should put on your chastity belt and promptly hand me the keys.

3) since I am forbidding you from asking me, I want to be able to see more. Whenever possible, you are to be naked in our house. And if not naked, you need to have on as little as possible at all times. When I see a belt on you or a plug in your ass, I will know that you are being compliant and yet acting like the horny slut wife you are.

4) if or when I suspect you have orgasmed at your own will or hand, I will spank you immediately and it will be to punish you, so expect the full blunt of the paddle to hurt. While I discipline you, you will tell me why you chose to disappoint me with a direct and intentional violation of your rules. You’ll tell me how you’ll do better, and thank me for the correction and guidance you so obviously need.

And if I should have to actually discipline you like this, then your month will start over.

Do I make myself clear?”

That was all that i texted to David. And he read it in no time at all. And i waited for his response.

What do you think he said?

i’ll tell you…… maybe.

But not today.

Hugs!!

Marie

187 – what is “submissive service”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 187 – what is “submissive service”

(This is a long post, but after reading through it several times trying to find things that i thought could/should be cut… i didn’t want to…. so… it is what it is.)

i have talked a bit about this before. But i feel like talking again. So i will. Ha. And in reading this nonfiction book that i mentioned before, “Real Service” by Tenpenny and Kaldera, i have new thoughts to add, at least i hope anyway.

But before i dive in, i want to give a couple of (only my opinion) thoughts of “what’s the difference between a submissive and a slave. Because while i’d love to be a “sexual slave,” to my husband, i am not. i am quite thoroughly and completely “just a submissive wife” in every aspect.

And why do i make a point to make this distinction? Well… keep reading and it will hopefully become more obvious.

Similarities: Both a submissive and a slave conform to a Dominant’s will, both defer to another’s authority and both ultimately find their own pleasure in making someone else happy. At its core, a submissive and a slave provide a service(s) to a Dominant.

Differences: And while both submissive and slave have a lot in common, they are still quite different too. At its core, a submissive is more free and has more control than a slave. Not to say a submissive is “less” than a slave, because i am NOT diminishing the significance or importance of a submissive whatsoever! It’s just that a submissive has more free-thinking-authority than a slave.

A slave has less control of one self than a submissive. A slave makes less decisions than a submissive. A slave has their decisions taken away from them (freely) whereas a submissive makes decisions (within the given authority of the Dominant). A slave requires more effort of the Dominant (to control and make the decisions for the slave), than what is required of a Dominant with a submissive.

So i guess my ideal combination would be to submit to my husband in everything… except sex. For sex, i would much prefer to have all my control and decisions be taken from me and to be his slave. But it’s not up to me. i suppose in an odd way of thinking of it, having no control over this decision… makes me a slave to the situation!?! (Hmm, not sure if i think that sentence is true really, but having “no control” is at the essence of a slave’s situation/persona… so maybe ??)

What is in my control is learning to be the best submissive wife i can be… which i would ultimately have to admit… includes sex too.

Submissive wife:

i am my husband’s best friend… and submissive wife. (And he is my best friend…. and Dominant husband).

When people say you can’t live a D/s or kinky lifestyle 24/7, i disagree. This is exactly what and how we do it. i am his submissive wife 24/7. That is at least until we slip out of our ways of doing things because of stupid things like “work stress” monopolizing our “home life”…. which is another topic of “how exactly do you maintain the ways of doing things 365-days a year without slipping away from it.” (Good question… i haven’t mastered it!)

i recently saw someone else post a blog that was basically where we have been lately, and she called the “out of the D/s routine” as being in a “rut.” And i suppose that’s a great way to think and a great word for it too. (Again, how to NOT go into a “rut” isn’t in my wheelhouse just yet… and back to today’s blog….)

While i agree there are some things that you simply can’t do 24/7 due to its extreme level/intensity, there are a lot of dominance and submission that absolutely can be done 24/7.

As i mentioned, i am reading the non-fiction book, “Real Service,” where the authors make a point to say and explain how a submissive provides service to a Dominant. And that “service” comes in many forms, including sexual but not just sexual. Service tasks range in its complexity from mundane of housework, errands/shopping, and paying bills, up to other specific things that would fit this particular D/s dynamic like secretarial, being a chauffeur, butler, or chef… and always companionship.

The key is ensuring that whatever services are provided from the sub to the Dom is what the DOM WANTS! The service is meaningless if the Dom doesn’t want (or need) it.

In one section of the book, the author (a Dom) talks about how his sub was performing tasks that the sub thought the Dom wanted, but in fact the Dom did not. The Dom realized he was upsetting his sub when in fact what the sub was doing wasn’t at all important, needed, or valued by the Dom.

The author writes, “Faced with his [the sub’s] disappointment, I had two choices: I could beat myself up for not being able to do this [“this” meaning the Master trying to become satisfied with what the sub was doing for the Master], or we could work together on making the activities that were meaningful for me likewise meaningful for him. And we chose the second option.”

The first key point or takeaway i have here is:

Even if i want to do it, if it means nothing to David…. it isn’t what i should be doing. i need to be doing what David wants, not what i want or what i think he wants.

Sometimes if i were being fully honest, i think i do things trying to impress him and ultimately find favor in order to receive his praise. Only for him to find that he didn’t want or need it, but he now has to decide to: 1) hurt my feelings by telling me it wasn’t wanted, 2) learn to like what i did, 3) give praise for something he neither wanted, asked for, or needed. And let’s face it, options #2 &3 are lying/deceitful to me (and forcing him to bend to me) and may make me think he liked my efforts, leading me to repeat them to get #2 &3 to occur again… vicious circle. All the while, i was just trying to provide a (good) service go/for him but going about it in all the wrong ways.

That seems obvious at its core, i get that. But sometimes i (and maybe other subs too) am certain i know what will make him happy and set out to do these things, only to be disappointed upon figuring out that wasn’t at all what i should be focused on and it didn’t make David happy one iota. And likewise, it puts David in a position to either accept (and learn to like) the service i am giving him… or for him to teach/train me to give the service he is actually wanting (and for me to be happy doing that task instead).

So being reminded to do what he wants, not what I think he wants, is pretty key!

Going back to the submissive versus slave part, i would love nothing more than to be David’s sex-slave not “just” his submissive. But it’s just not what he wants. He wants me to be a submissive wife…. in ALL aspects, including sex.

When it comes to sex specifically, being a submissive doesn’t feel like it is “enough”. At least not for me. But i’d say David thinks being a submissive, even for sex, is plenty enough. So at the end of the day, i am fully aware that what i’d like to do or be… a sex slave… is irrelevant.

i would like to be told (“made”) to…….

Be naked as much as possible, strut in front of him, sit on the floor beside him, not be allowed to be out of his sight, have my mouth stuffed with his cock regularly, sit on his cock and do all the work to get him to orgasm, stuffed with a dildo to stretch enough to accommodate him without any difficulty, be spanked if not wet at the moment he wants/needs me to be, to be punished if unwanted pubic hair is ever found, to wear a butt plug to stretch the back whenever he wants, to be taken when i am sleeping for no other reason than because he wants me, to be tied up or gagged in positions that he has full access, to wear a chastity belt most of the time, to be shared if he wants to, and and and ……i could go on…….

Don’t misinterpret what i am saying to mean i am not my husband’s submissive for sex… because i am. But i want to be MORE than just submissive for sex. i want to be owned, and to have no other options available to me, as it comes to sex. (i love being his submissive wife for all the mundane things of life, but i would really love to be his sexual slave to in the bedroom too.)

But….. that’s not really what i think David wants. If he did want these things, he’d be doing it. Or maybe he does want it, but it’s just not a practical way to live 24-7, 365-a year. So maybe “just” being a submissive is the better way to do things…. most of the time and a sex-slave “only on occasion.”

The author continued by saying, “The servant is obligated to do things the master’s way, and if they’re a good servant, they should work on not acting too resentful while they’re doing it. A good thought process…..might be “No one is going to die if I do things Master’s way.””

This is true for all service rendered by a sub to her Dom. And for me, in the daily-submissive-wife-things i typically do think this way. i often find myself thinking, “while this isn’t how i would do it, my way isn’t necessarily better or his worse even… so just do it his way and be ok with it.”

But when it comes to wanting to be “more” for sexual activities (read “sex-slave”), i ultimately want to have my entire sexual being become his play toy at any time or any place he wants. But David wants it a different way. And i need to be be ok with that. i need to learn to do it his way, which for me feels “less” than what i want to give and what i think he deserves. But at the end of the day, …..I never want to be the source of his disappointment or him having to figure out how to like what i want to give and let’s face it: “no one is going to die if i do things Master’s [David’s] way.”

i suppose most of this is common sense really, but it was also a lightbulb moment for me in that thinking of…. “of course that makes sense. It’s the best way for the D/s relationship to truly work in harmony”. That said, if it was ALL common sense for everyone, there wouldn’t be a need for the Book i am reading to have been written at all! Right??

Anyway…. i have realized my submissive wife homework is to become more in tune with:

1) is this service (any service, including sexual) something David wants or is it something i want him to want?

2) if it’s the latter, what would he want?

3) and if it’s the former, am i doing it in a way that’s fully pleasing to him?

i am really enjoying this book… maybe you should consider reading it too. It’s not just for subs either!

Hugs,

Marie

Day 19: My submissiveness

Written by Marie on . Posted in my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on Day 19: My submissiveness

DAY 19: LIFE CHANGING…Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

This is going to sound crazy, but our sex life is 1,000% better than it was before we implemented our D/s, DD relationship.

We simply had grown boring and basically stopped having sex. i’d tell David we were roommates with the same last name.

Now… we have some sort of sexual-activity pretty much daily. It may be as little as a text (or “sext”!) or as much as the full blown intercourse. But no matter, the sexual energy is alive and well again. And it was dead and gone before.

i think this may be in part because my submission to David has built up his ego and confidence, and the respect he deserved. So by me giving him that mental boost, it has become a huge turn on … for us both!

And while my goal at the onset and what i hoped for with this dynamic was for us to fight less, it has actually become more than that even! Besides less fighting and more sex, it also improved our communications too.

David no longer says things like, “I think maybe you should consider blah, blah, blah.” I always found all those qualifiers to just be confusing. Does that mean i definitely should or that you definitely think i might should or that you might think i definitely should?? Even that sentence is confusing! Right?

While those sentences do sometimes still happen, more often than not now, he says, “you need to xyz” or just “go do xyz” works too. Much more direct and straightforward. And when those confusing sentences come, now i just say, “i’m unclear about your intention Sir. Can you speak more directly please?”

So our conversations are more direct. And ultimately more clear.

So yes, there’s been several improvements in our marriage that while on this side it seems obvious (a “duh” moment), i didn’t necessarily expect many of these things at the outset either.

What changed in your world by implementing the dynamic you have?

Hugs,

Marie

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