Day 19: My submissiveness

DAY 19: LIFE CHANGING…Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

This is going to sound crazy, but our sex life is 1,000% better than it was before we implemented our D/s, DD relationship.

We simply had grown boring and basically stopped having sex. i’d tell David we were roommates with the same last name.

Now… we have some sort of sexual-activity pretty much daily. It may be as little as a text (or “sext”!) or as much as the full blown intercourse. But no matter, the sexual energy is alive and well again. And it was dead and gone before.

i think this may be in part because my submission to David has built up his ego and confidence, and the respect he deserved. So by me giving him that mental boost, it has become a huge turn on … for us both!

And while my goal at the onset and what i hoped for with this dynamic was for us to fight less, it has actually become more than that even! Besides less fighting and more sex, it also improved our communications too.

David no longer says things like, “I think maybe you should consider blah, blah, blah.” I always found all those qualifiers to just be confusing. Does that mean i definitely should or that you definitely think i might should or that you might think i definitely should?? Even that sentence is confusing! Right?

While those sentences do sometimes still happen, more often than not now, he says, “you need to xyz” or just “go do xyz” works too. Much more direct and straightforward. And when those confusing sentences come, now i just say, “i’m unclear about your intention Sir. Can you speak more directly please?”

So our conversations are more direct. And ultimately more clear.

So yes, there’s been several improvements in our marriage that while on this side it seems obvious (a “duh” moment), i didn’t necessarily expect many of these things at the outset either.

What changed in your world by implementing the dynamic you have?




  1. All of the above! I echo what you stated: better (1000x) sex, clear communications (leading to better understanding of each other’s needs and desires), zero fights (and I mean zero in five years now). It also has provided a more pleasant home atmosphere. Things are always clean and organized. Simple things. It feels good to walk into a clean closet or get in a clean car.
    There is always some level of sexual energy. In a scale of 1-10, there is always at least a 1-2 in the air. That feels good too!
    While I accept this lifestyle is not for everyone, I believe it can help a lot of women and a lot of marriages. It’s not a cure-all as it can magnify everything, not just the good, but it has done more for my life than I could have ever imagined.

    • Jennifer – I have to say your marriage dynamic is even better than ours. I can’t say we have had zero fights, it has been a fraction of what it was before. And I need to still work on the cleaning part. But things are better than it ever used to be! Like one thing David has always hated is dishes in the sink. I now make a point to just put them straight into the dishwasher to both have a cleaner house, but more importantly to show respect for his preferences…. which leads to less fighting! Marie

      • Thanks. Please don’t think of it as “better.” Arguments are only one facet of a relationship. There are so many facets that “excelling” in one is not evidence of “better.” But, I accept the compliment! Lol. Yes, household chores was a biggie and is how I now spend much of my day. It is still an area where I slip here and there, but there’s no arguing…only consequences, then forgiveness, and then moving on with the day. I had 25 years of marriage without DD to un-learn, so there were a lot of “consequences” handed out at first. I learned that his preferences and pet peeves are MY preferences and pet peeves.

  2. Great post, Marie! We have seen many of the improvements that you discussed in your post as well. Like, ddjennifer mentioned, we have experienced a renewal in sexual energy/tension in our marriage too. Whether we are at home, or out and about in the world (not so much lately…thanks Covid!), sometimes he will give me a look or touch me in some way that is absolutely THRILLING. I also feel like we no longer take each other for granted. A lot of thought and effort goes into these dynamics and that effort goes a long way towards making a person feel special, desired, and revered by one’s partner. Again, to piggy back on what ddjennifer wrote above, I think that a lot of couples could benefit in shifting their mindsets in this way. The power struggle in many marriages is palpable…. you can feel it when socializing with couples who have not chosen one clear leader for their relationship. This leads to a lot of butting heads, fighting, and even resentment. I know that this is the path that my husband and I were on prior to D/s. We were both always fighting for control.
    Again, great post! Meaningful and insightful!
    XOXO, nora

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