So much of D/s, specifically TPE, is about an emotional response to an activity. A dominant wants control over a situation and a submissive’s actions, as well as their feelings about what is happening to them. Location plays a big part of this. Doing a scene in a child’s bedroom can bring about different emotional responses from different subs. Some may take on a child-like persona; some may just be distracted by how uncomfortable they are around a bunch of toys (Can you guess which one I’d be?). Clean freak subs could be completely thrown from the dirty floor they are kneeling on. If that’s the response that the Dom wants, then great. If not, then it could ruin the scene.
We do not have a set dungeon space in our house. As much as Sir wants to have one eventually in a new place, I’m not holding my breath. So, when we play, we are not always in the same area, or even the same floor. And, I have found, that the various locations around our home bring out a strata of emotions, no matter what we are doing. Whatever the emotion, however, Sir has control over the space and what he wants me to feel throughout our play.
Bedroom
Because, obvious. I couldn’t really talk about BDSM scene locations without mentioning the bedroom. It is my favorite place to play. Most often the only place we have sex (unless the kids are not home or passed out). I just feel the most comfortable there. I find myself more willing to do anything and try anything because of how comfortable and safe I feel. Our room brings out my submissive pet nature and often my most sexual side. I have my little bed on the floor that I can see during our scenes.
I am always pulled into my submissive headspace when I am in the bedroom. Even if he is at work and I am just going in there to get laundry. I feel a wave of comfort and safety. It’s a gooey slavey place for me.
Sitting Room (First floor)
I generalized this as the first floor as we usually start in the sitting room, but I often end up crawling the entire space. Most of our scenes are played by the couch and coffee table.
This is a very high protocol space for me. I am often leashed when we play and there is more of a focus on service. I serve Sir drinks, often on trays. Sir wants me to be on my toes so that I can respond to his whims. And I feel that. I am comfortable, but always aware. I am rarely blindfolded, but often gagged, so that I can see his reactions and signals and react wordlessly.
This is a surprisingly comfortable space for me. I feel safe the strictness of it all. It’s not completely routine, but I am used to not being allowed to cum when we play in the sitting room. I don’t expect it anymore. I can focus on cock worship and general service. If I do get to cum, Sir usually takes me upstairs to the bedroom first (see why I like the bedroom).
Bathroom
This is a much more confusing area for me. I find I am able to transition my feelings when I am in the bathroom when he is not there with me (which is good). But I am very apprehensive in the bathroom with him.
Last night I had to squat next to him while he peed. Then he had me ‘clean off’ his penis with my tongue. It was hot. But there is always a sense of wondering what he is going to do. Was that it? Was there more?
This space holds a lot of dichotomy. Showering together (though we rarely get the chance), is a very sensual and calming experience. But when he uses me as a urinal I feel humiliated. Both can be positive, given the right context, but it is a little unnerving to not know which I will leave the bathroom feeling when he follows me in.
Basement
I hate our basement. I’m not sure I can clarify that enough for you. I hate it. It’s dirty, full of boxes, and we have to take a baby monitor down with us as it’s so far away from the sleeping kids.
I also hate it because Sir’s sadistic side comes out in the basement. He can string me up down there. He makes me walk along ropes with knots hitting my clit while hitting me with a crop. It sounds hot. In fact, I’m not sure I would have such a negative response if he did the same thing in our bedroom. But in this case, it is very much the location that brings about a specific feeling. Unease and dread.
The basement is cold. I’m naked, often gagged, and with way too much time to look at all the dirt on the floor and places where I need to organize. There is something about the space that puts me in a submissive, but almost kidnapped headspace. And I’m sure that is where Sir wants me to be. I am my most vulnerable down there. I’m uncomfortable and I will do anything to get out of there. Including take as much pain as humanly possible. Thankfully, he doesn’t take me down there often as he knows what an emotional drain it is.
~
As much as I would love to have a dungeon play space in our next home, I enjoy moving around our house when we play. The variety of emotions is helpful to me, and I think also to Sir, to enjoy our TPE in new ways. So check out all the rooms in your home to find the fun (and frightening) you can have.
*This is a look at how I feel in different spaces during specific play. Your results WILL vary. Play safe.*
We are in KY for a get away vacation together. We will be here from today through Sunday. Just the two of us.
As i knew we’d see loads of people on this trip, but absolutely no one i would ever see again, i packed some clothes that i felt would create a “moderately sexy” look. Outfits that would be a bit on the risqué side for everyday wear, but nothing that would be cause for anything other than something “super nice to look at” too.
This pic is me today. Can you see my nips? They are showing, but covertly too. i don’t wear a bra or panties any too often, and today is no exception. Today i am wearing a one piece, snap up, onesie top with David’s favorite grey fitted jeans. And one of my favorite dainty collars too.
After i was dressed this morning, David eyed me too to bottom and his words were, “THAT is sexy!” Which is all the confirmation i needed to have the confidence to wear it.
The onesie has snaps on the front from my neck to my belly button. It can be as open, or closed, as desired. It also has snaps at the crotch to hold it in place there, as well as provide for easy access, if desired. Boy do i wish i had my CB on today. After going to the bathroom, i have both of my hands in my crotch to get the snaps reattached, causing me to touch myself. And causing arousal. And making me wish i could just lock her up and not be touched! But not an option.
i wasn’t entirely sure how many snaps on the front to close… or to leave open…. so i asked Sir. His response was “Two open. For now.”
i don’t know if confidence is a quality someone is just born with, but i am certainly one who has had to grow into it. i am growing in my confidence to wear “sexy” clothes. In the past, and especially prior to D/s, i would say i have ALWAYS erred on the side of way-too-conservative. i am SO trying to change that now. i would think that if you could see the crack between my boobs, my shirt was wayyyyy tooooooo low! And if my skirt was above my knees (by more than 1-2 inches), it was way too short. In my opinion of course.
David would have much preferred to see that boob crack and more even, and he doesn’t mind having me (somewhat) on display for others to see too. Not that he has ever wanted me to be too much on display, but if others were to see me and take notice, he would take pride and so should i. He would tell me that if i have something to show (and i do!) then “let people see, stare, and wish they were me (or either of us!)”
If a man looks, he’s probably a little jealous and maybe thinking, “damn. My wife doesn’t wear those clothes.” Or maybe he’s thinking, “wonder what I’d have to do to get her to open up more of those snaps!!?!”
And if a woman were to see me, she’d probably think one of two things: 1) “You go girl! Flaunt it!” OR 2) “she’s a slut with it hanging out like that.”
Any of those responses are a-ok by David and he takes pride in the fact that i wore it, someone noticed, and (most likely) they are jealous they can’t, won’t, or don’t wear it too.
That was before i had confidence to buy sexy, low-cut clothes, let alone wear them. i don’t wear them all the time, but i wear them now more than i ever used to which was never!
This summer i bought a 2-piece bikini. Something i have not worn since i was about 6 hrs old! But David loves it and has asked me to wear it in the past several times and until this year, i never had the courage to do so.
i am definitely growing in confidence. i don’t know why i ever worried about it though. i mean truly, who cares what someone may or may not think of you? What is the worst that can happen? They think lowly of you and don’t want to be your friend. Ok…. So… what?! The only “friend” i really need is David! i’m not saying i have no other friends, but David is really the one that matters the most. And the others can come or go in the end!
Today. i am completely and fully aware of how much “more” i am showing. i am busy looking around to see if people are seeing me, and if so, trying to read their face to know what they are thinking. All the while, telling myself, “what they think does not matter! Puff out your chest and show your cleavage off with pride! The same pride David has in knowing you belong to him!” (Keeping in mind i only have two snaps undone in the first place, so not a LOT showing anyway!)
i don’t know if other people have confidence to wear anything anytime, or if this is a learned trait, or maybe some of both. What i know is that as David’s submissive, i have learned to take pride in dressing in a way that is sexy and appealing to him…. Even if it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. And that discomfort is ok.
It takes courage to do something that you might not do otherwise. But when you do it (over and over again), it becomes more and more easy to do, as it becomes more and more of a normal activity… which causes it to be less and less uncomfortable too.
As of today… for me…. i can now wear a two piece bikini without thinking twice, but a low-cut onesie top today is still uncomfortable. But i did it anyway, and have held my head high and my shoulders back! Learning to do things with confidence that pleases David is learning to be a good submissive!
I COULD END THIS HERE.
BUT…. I HAVE SOME MORE THOUGHTS……
While i suspect this will NOT happen, causing this next part to be purely fictional, this is some of the things that have swirled around in my head this morning.
As FYI….Usually my fictional stories start with something that’s happened in real life, and my mind then extrapolates to a possible/ alternative ending. And that’s my inspiration for when i write up a “fiction story.” But in all honestly, the first part of most of my fiction started with some nonfiction too!
So this next part is mostly pure fiction but based on my outfit today and started when David said to have two snaps undone, “for now.” i say “mostly” fiction because the activities we DID do today, but the conversation was not.
But his words got me thinking about the question, “when will the directive come to undo three snaps… or four…. And how will i respond or what will i think….”
So here’s what i thought about…. And again, is (mostly) pure fiction from here on…….
An hour into our day David asked me, “how many snaps are on that top anyway?”
He asked that because the very bottom snap that was visible was just above the waistband of my jeans. It gave a look that implied the snaps may continue all the way down and into my pants. They did not. And I told him that what he could see was all there were.
I could tell his mind was swirling this information around, to which I wondered what he was thinking so I asked, “Could you think out loud Sir?”
That’s when he said, “We have several activities planned today, lasting about 8 or 9 hours in total. By the end of the day, I think it would be lovely to have all 6-snaps coming open and undone.”
He continued on, “Set your alarm for 90-minutes. Every time it goes off, you’ll unsnap another one and reset the alarm.”
“By the end of the day, I should be able to see them all open and undone. I suspect I’ll enjoy the day a lot more now than I would’ve otherwise,” was his final words, which he said with a huge grin on his face too.
I asked, “But Sir, if I do that, I am sure anyone will be able to see my big boobs hanging out.”
He was still smiling and said, “okay. Yea. So what’s the problem?”
I know my Sir well enough to know that he would never do anything to get me arrested or cause harm to either of us, but that a directive is a directive. And frequently he’s told me these types of things just to see if I will trust him or not. So I just said, “Yes Sir,” and set the alarm on my phone for 90-minutes.
With that, we got in the car to head to breakfast. I wondered if the waitress, looking down at me as I sat in the booth seeing the top-down angle and into my shirt, was thinking it was too early in the morning to be seeing all that! I tried not to think about that and instead focus on my Sir’s happiness. That made me sit tall and smile big.
Soon enough, we were done with breakfast and back in the car. Usually Sir droves, but he had told me to drive so he could consult the agenda and program the locations into Google. We were in the car, getting onto the interstate, when my phone alarm sounded. The first 90-minutes had expired. I jumped at the sound and my heart started to race as I realized what it meant.
I looked over at my Sir and he smiled. He grabbed up my phone and said, “I’ll reset the timer while you reach down and open a snap. That’s the 3rd of 6, since the first 2 were already open, correct?”
I shyly responded, “Yes Sir.”
To which Sir said, “Say it with confidence my love! This is good! And this is going to make this day amazing too.”
And I unsnapped the 3rd snap, returned my hand to the wheel and said with confidence, “Yes Sir.”
We were on our way to the well known Bourbon Distillery in KY, for a tour and tasting event. We had about a 30-minute drove there and as I drove, I stole glances down at my chest. From my angle, it looked like I was nearly hanging out of my top. I’ll made sure to be keenly aware of the sides of my top to ensure I didn’t inadvertently hang out and get myself in trouble at the distillery.
We arrived just in time to get into the tour that we had previously booked. As we started out, our tour guide said we would all enjoy the next hour together learning all about how bourbon is made and ending with a tasting.
David leaned into my ear and said, “we will be ending just in time to open up another snap!”
I learned a lot about bourbon along the tour, and now we were tasting the different ones that are made on site. I don’t much care for bourbon, but David does, so I’m enjoying the experience and time with him.
And the alarm went off.
He leaned in and said, “snap #4.” Yes, I know Sir. I’m getting increasingly stressed about how much cleavage I’m showing off, but…. okay, I’ll obeyas the good submissive wife I am!
Since my phone was in my purse on the floor, I leaned down and grabbed it, reset the timer, and as I moved back to the upright position, I unsnapped #4. As I was back fully upright, David leaned in once again and said, “That’s my good girl! I’m loving the view and your obedience!”
I glanced down and was incredibly nervous about how much anyone can see now. Of course, my nipples aren’t showing but I’ll have to be careful to ensure they don’t just pop right out of my top too. I SO wish I wasn’t in this position, but maybe more so, I SO wish I just hadn’t put on this onesie in the first place. I wouldn’t be wrestling now with showing off my nips if I hadn’t wanted to show off for my Sir. But I suppose there’s something to be said that I’m making him so happy too!
Soon enough the tasting was over. Thank God we can get in the car and just be the two of us again too!
In the car, Sir said, “Time for lunch now.” And we went to a local pizza place. Great. Family atmosphere with a slutty wife on display! Can’t wait! Sarcasm at its finest. I am fighting everything in me to just re-snap all these snaps back closed, it I keep telling myself, “no one knows me or will ever see me again! Keep your Sir happy!”
And as we were back in the car, the alarm went off again. I heard Sir say, “and just like that…. #5!” He is SO proud of himself and SO testing my courage.
I spoke up, “Sir, I am really not comfortable anymore. I feel half dressed at this point. Please Sir, don’t make me undo anymore snaps. It’s still daylight even!”
I heard my Sir say, “oh now… my love… don’t disappoint me now. This is fun! Do as I ask and all will be good. I don’t want to have to spank you for disobeying now!”
And I opened snap #5. As I did, I looked over at Sir. He smiled and grabbed my hand. He squeezed with a seal of approval and he said, “that’s my girl. I knew you could do it!”
Thank GOD we were in the car and I could relax without the worry of showing my nips to someone. I wasn’t sure where he had me driving us to now, but I prayed it wasn’t anywhere too public too. I just followed the google map directions and didn’t ask anymore questions.
Sir must’ve realized my apprehension was at at all time high, but rather than give in to me, he decided to amp it up yet another notch. He released my hand and slid his hand under my top. He squeezed my nipple hard and tweaked it hard. I flinched. He felt it and asked, as a rhetorical question, “hurt?!”
“Yes Sir.”
Sir continued to massage my breasts in full and didn’t stop for quite awhile. As I tried to stay focused on driving, it was extra hard to drive as he played with my tits. It wasn’t much longer and I realized where we were headed. Back to the hotel. I felt relief flood over me. We pulled in and parked.
After getting to our room, Sir said, “take it all off now. I’ve managed to get myself rock hard watching you today and need to get relief now. I’m going to fuck you hard until we both orgasm.”
He continued, “Get on the bed on your stomach and spread your legs wide for me. I’m going to fuck you doggy style so I can ram you hard and fast. I want to orgasm quick as my dick is super achy sore after watching you show off your tits all morning. You’ve been such a good girl and now I’m going to reward us both!”
And he did as he said. He fucked me fast and furious until we both orgasmed long and hard. It was amazing and I loved being rode so hard too.
When he was done, he said, “Now get redressed. Time to go again. We have another tour and tasting. Then tonight we will be at the best steakhouse in town.”
“Thank you Sir for using your pussy and allowing me to orgasm.” I made sure to tell him. Sudden,y all my stress for showing off seemed so worth it. I’ll never see those people again, but my Sir is in love with me!
“You’re welcome. You know what? I want to repeat the 90-minutes routine, but let’s start over at just 2-unsnapped. I bet by dinner, you’ll be showing off everything again! Can’t wait to see what the dinner crowd thinks! And maybe I’ll fuck you again tonight too if you are a good girl once again!”
Sometimes Submission is obvious. When you know what it looks like. Frequently though, people are not looking or aware.
i walk through the grocery store with David and to anyone knowing what a submissive wife looks like, you’d see it plainly when looking at me as we walk together.
Then there’s the non-submissive wives (or husbands) that anyone can see too. NO criticism, just saying they are obvious to me too.
Those are usually the couples who are bickering or even fighting about this or that as they go through the store. They are the ones who can’t seem to agree whether $2.99 for a lb of grapes is reasonable or not. i would tell you one of the biggest reasons to submit is because of the harmony it creates. Life is so much more enjoyable when it is done with joy and harmony. (i wouldn’t argue with David if he said that was too much for grapes. i would simply say “ok” and that’s that!)
And the opposite is true too. i walk through the store watching others as we go, and i see submissiveness in others. When i see another submissive wife, we usually make eye contact, smile, and it signifies the other know how much we approve of one another.
It’s clear if you know what to look for AND you are paying attention. And if you do not or are not paying attention, a D/s relationship becomes hidden in plain sight.
So what does a submissive wife look like in the grocery store anyway? That’s an easy question to answer, because it’s me! i will just tell you how i look and act in the store!
i smiled and said, “Today i was thinking i should either wear the crotchless pants or the chastity belt as the submissive item of the day. So my puss would either be very open or very closed, which would you prefer?”
He smiled at me and said, “while I think you need to have it locked up, I want to have it open today.” So open it should be!
i am physically dressed today with my stretch, yoga-style pants, that have no crotch. There is an opening from the very front to the very back. On my top, i wear a shirt that is extra long, which is more than enough to cover myself. It has a (relatively) deep V-cut neckline, but not too deep. It shows just the top edge of the crevice between each breast, giving a bit of a tease to any onlooker yet leaving much to the imagination too. And lastly, i wear two pieces of jewelry: my wedding ring and a stylish silver choker collar.
There is no bra, and of course, no panties either. There would be absolutely no point in wearing panties with crotchless pants, right?!
When you lay your eyes on me, if you were observant you would likely notice my nipples poking through my shirt, or maybe not. You may also notice my necklace, or maybe not as well. Both are in plain sight. Of course, most people either don’t see or if they do, don’t realize the significance of seeing either of them so my submission is therefore hidden.
Most people assume seeing my nipples is a sign of me being either risqué, a slut, or both. This is at least one reason why i almost always wear my wedding ring and am always standing near my husband. Then again, if they want to assume i am one of those, that’s their decision and i am ok with that. i am proud of being submissive and not ashamed.
And my collar. A submissive collar usually has a circle on it, as does mine. i have more than one collar. i still owe you a post about my collar but that’s not this post either and you’ll have to wait for that one still. i will tell you now though that i frequently wear one of my collars in public. To someone in the know, and observantly watching, they would know it’s a sign of my submission but if you weren’t aware, you’d just think it was a pretty silver choker necklace. Next time you see a choker necklace on a girl while in public, and there’s a circle on it, you’ll now know that she’s a sub! Again, i will tell you more about the collar(s) i own and wear in another post.
Lastly, you wouldn’t see this at all about me but rather David. He sneaks small touches of my puss as we move about the produce aisle, turn the corner to the next aisle, or when reaching to pick up an item. You probably won’t see this though as he does it subtly and you’d have to be paying a LOT for attention to find this. But IF you do see it, you’ll see me allowing it too.
Next i will tell you how i act.
As i have somewhat already said above, i stand tall. i am not afraid to have people see my submission, nor am i embarrassed or worried or turned off or otherwise stressed. In fact, i am proud.
When i walked through the store today, i held my head high and my shoulders back. That’s when you’d have possibly seen my nipples poking through!
If you were to see me, you’d have likely found me following behind David. While i sometimes walk next to him and there’s no official rule about where i must stand in relation to him, the store can be crowded allowing only just enough room to walk in a single file line. When that’s the case, i walk behind. Never in front. Never EVER in front. i follow. i never lead, physically or mentally! This is by choice that i follow and of course mentally too.
If and when you did actually lay eyes on me, i make eye contact and smile. Sometimes i talk to you and say hello, but not always. If you speak to me, i will always speak back though too. If you knew i was submissive, you might be surprised to see that i am not an introvert really and will not appear to shrink when seen or spoken to. i am proud of who i am. i am submissive for sure, but i am not ashamed or afraid of people seeing the real me which is NOT an introvert!
Because i am proud, if you were to ask me about anything, including about my submission, i would answer honestly. People frequently aren’t confident enough to speak to someone else at all, but especially about something so private as a submission collar around her neck even when you know me well! (i wear my collar to work quite frequently and most people think it is a “very lovely necklace!” And no one, absolutely no ONE has ever asked… but i am sure that at least 3-suspect!)
i always walk close to David. He is always within my eye sight, if not within arm’s length. The only exception to that (ever) is if he tells me to go pick up something further away, in which case i oblige.
i generally push the cart and he fills it up. He cooks and i clean. That’s always been our deal, so in the store, he decides what to buy and i just wait for the cart to be filled and we leave.
We make jokes and references about submission when we are in public fairly frequently too. Like today, there was a woman on a mission with her shopping cart. She was rather oblivious about her surroundings and seemingly uncaring too. She took up the entire aisle, criss-crossed, and was set on going where she wanted to. Had the rest of us not moved out of her way, she likely would have plowed into someone. David made a comment about her, to which i said, “Some people think they own the place and that they are in charge.”
David laughed and said, “You never think that. Do you?”
“Absolutely not! But she did.”
“Yes, she did indeed. Maybe someone needs to teach her a lesson.”
And we laugh.
The entire conversation is quiet enough that most wouldn’t hear, but if you did, you’d know it was about submission too.
Today when we left the store, as we drove home David reached over and drew up my shirt exposing my pussy to him. He commented about how pretty it looked just hanging out there.
And then his hand started exploring and playing with it. It swelled at his touch. i became very turned on and was enjoying the attention. He played as he drove. i should have been concerned about his distraction, but i suppose i was distracted beyond the point of concern. Of course, i NEVER say no to his touch. His hand, tongue, or cock is ALWAYS welcome on (or in) my body any day or night or location!
He talked to me and said, “you were a good girl at the store. i love how you wore this outfit today making it easy for me, yet never said a word on the way here.”
i commented, “i knew you knew it was available to you Sir. i knew i didn’t have to say anything, but i was hoping you’d touch me too!”
The more he played, the more aroused i became. i found myself asking to orgasm and he said yes. So i did. i orgasmed right there, in the car, on the freeway, with my puss on display for anyone to see.
Yet, no one did. No one saw me orgasm because they weren’t looking. Just like it’s probable that no one noticed or saw me in the store either.
There’s so much around us that we just don’t notice because we really are just not looking.
So many things are hidden in plain sight. i might can prove to you now that even you weren’t paying attention….. did you look at the photo? What does it look like? Did you see the animals?
Did you see the THREE animals in the photo above? Yes, there are three…. Here ya go!
i have a tendency to touch stuff, including stuff i should not.
Once when we were in an art museum in England, where there were tons of very old art pieces dating back many centuries…. i touched one. Despite ALL the signs, the guards in each room and the fact the oils from my finger could ruin a piece forever… i did it. i touched one. We were nearly thrown out of the museum and David was quite annoyed (ok, angry!) with me, but i did it. i touched it. i just felt like i had to! So i did!
i never buy clothing online because i can’t feel what it feels like before spending money on it. When i shop, i touch more stuff than i even realize just to know the texture. i have found myself doing it all the time, even when i am not buying something like clothing. For example, i walked through Walmart the other day and had to pass the men’s clothing department. i ran my hands along the displays of men’s shorts as i passed them, despite the fact i was not going to be buying them at all.
And you all should know by now that i touch my body including parts i should not. And it gets me in trouble fairly frequently, as you know as well!
But touching myself is not exactly what i am wanting to talk about now.
Whatever i wear for the day, i touch it regularly too. Like for example with my earrings or necklace that i wear on any given day, i tend to fiddle with them all throughout the day. i don’t do it always conscientiously, in fact, frequently it is not.
As i touch, i sometimes then think about how or when it came to be. So whatever i have on for the day, tends to be a very tangible reminder to me of anything and everything all day long.
i was talking to David about how much having something tangible on (or IN) my body serves as a constant reminder to me ….of places, events, or activities from where or how i received it.
He then said to me, “you need to A-L-W-A-Y-S wear something that reminds you of my submission.“
i said, “A-L-W-A-Y-S?”
And he said, “A-L-W-A-Y-S!”
We then talked about what that “something” is or what it should be. He said, “the something should be your collar, your bracelet, an anal plug, a vibratory, a dildo, or your chastity belt. You can take your pick. But you should A-L-W-A-Y-S wear something.”
A-L-W-A-Y-S.
So today.. i wore my collar. i will tell you more about it in another post and what it means and how it came to be.
But today… every time i touched it, whether consciously or subconsciously, i was reminded of it and exactly what it means…. Which it ultimately means that i belong to David…. As his good, submissive wife.
**Fair warning… full of deep thoughts and i got extra wordy today. Hope you stick to the end, but if you don’t, i get it! 😉
As of late, i have written a lot more about sex than discipline. While allowing sex to happen in any moment that pleases my husband is being submissive too, my “disciplined life” isn’t just about that either.
(** but in times of my intentional orgasm denial, i tend to think, walk, and talk S-E-X… so it’s easy to talk about A LOT!). Plus, domination and submission is sexy too. So there’s that!…. ANYWAY…..)
Our relationship does have rules, just not a formal contract, that include more than “just sex stuff” and all rules apply all the time. No matter where we are, what we do, who is with us…. The rules apply.
That may sound harsh, but i like it. It is consistent. We both know what to expect. i won’t say the rules are always applied correctly, or that we don’t change them, or that sometimes the rules need to be bent for certain situations because, well….they do. i should add that not just the rules are bent, but the consequences are sometimes also as well. While having “always applied” and “consistent practiced” being the ideal, it’s not practical. Unfortunately we have “life” that occurs causing rules and consequences to be bent.
The most obvious of reasons why the rules change (or get bent or transgressions more quickly forgiven without any real consequences) is illness. When either one of us do not feel well, it’s hard to do anything at all, let alone be dominant or submissive.
And sometimes we just “don’t feel like it” too. The most obvious time we don’t “feel” up to following the rules or enforcing the consequences is STRESS (and-or deadlines), especially stemming from work.
When we don’t feel like it, we have problems though. “Houston….. we have a problem” or multiple problems even!
Usually the problems start with ignoring the rules. When we say “it doesn’t apply” in this situation or for this reason or let’s take a break tonight or or or….. it amounts to excuses.
And like all things in life, we need to adhere to certain rules whether we “feel” like it or not. For example… can you imagine ignoring trash day because you don’t feel like it? Or how about ignoring the electric bill because you were “too busy” to get it paid?
We live by rules in our everyday life for a reason: to keep order.
And when they are not followed: chaos ensues.
So what are my rules? Really the answer to this question is also, in part, why we don’t have a contract. My rules are fairly general and generic. Things like, “Always show respect” and “Never talk back” and “say Sir when speaking to David”. And of course, i recently spoke about them in-depth recently and you can read all about it if you’d like.
Most of the times, my rules are easy but sometimes being so generic, it gets misunderstood or misinterpreted and that lands me in hot water. Most of the time though, the trouble i land is is me trying to use the vagueness to my advantage when i don’t “feel” like following the rules. That’s when i say, “oh. i didn’t realize you wanted ME to do that.” Or “i didn’t hear you Sir.” When i did. i knew. And i heard just fine. But I ignored him. On purpose.
And he knew it too.
Now he knows i lied too.
But he can’t prove it either.
And we both know.
THIS is where a good Dominant will enforce the rules anyway. Maybe a warning or a small punishment would be good. The first time. But not over and over.
So does David have rules too you ask? Well…. To lead our family, including me. He is to be fair and reasonable. Not change the rules on a whim. And enforce the rules for me when needed, whether he “feels” like it or not. Of course like me, sometimes he doesn’t “feel” like it.
When rules are enforced, we both know it has nothing to do with feelings or emotions. There’s a black and white situation at hand. There was a rule. It was broken. Consequences ensue. Consequences are enforced.
Period.
The end.
Feelings are not even relevant. He shouldn’t ever feel guilty about giving a spanking, making me stand in a Corner, or do whatever it is that is appropriate for the situation. Nor should i become emotional, try to twist the situation, or try to get out of the punishment. i earned it, i deserve it, and when it is administered we will both forgive, reset, and move on. (**Notice i did NOT say “forget”? Because neither of us should forget. If the transgressions are forgotten, then the rule is likely to be broken again and again causing unnecessary strife for all!)
i suppose really, how we both act or respond during punishment time is somewhat of a rule also. While i may not want it, or he may not want to give it, it is what it is at that moment. Like trash day… take it out and be done. Don’t overthink it, don’t try to change it, or make someone feel guilty, ashamed, or otherwise emotional about it. Similarly, David should just do it, and i should just accept it.
While it would stand to reason that most of the time, a punishment should be immediate, sometimes it’s not.
The three most obvious reasons that come to mind for not administering punishment immediately are:
1) being in a public place at the time, and
2) around our son and
3) when David is mad.
Taking those one at a time….
PUBLIC PLACES: i would say i tend to act up most while in public. i think the little devious side of me creeps in and says, “there’s nothing he can do about it right now.” So i say/do whatever i want, knowing nothing is going to happen. At least, not then or there. (**Read: brat submissive!)
Not then or there….But there’s no reason why it shouldn’t happen later or in a private place. And to that point, sometimes David doesn’t “feel” like it later or we are tired or we forget….. which gets me out of it. i think in some ways, i am counting on him to not feel like it later. Or maybe i am testing him too. Maybe not in an intentional, well-thought-out or appropriate way, and definitely not an appropriate one either.
A Dominant should always be true to his word. If he says, “you’ll be punished for doing xyz”, then you should be. Even if it happens later. But again, we (as humans, including my Dominant Sir) don’t always feel like it.
Let’s face it, we are not young kids or animals. We don’t have to have the punishment be swift or immediate. Because it’s not like i will forget that quickly why i am being punished later! And if i were to actually forget, it’s not hard to be reminded and think back to it when the punishment is administered too.
2) AROUND KIDS: Kids of any age are likely to think Mom is being beaten and abused if they were to hear Mom being spanked by Dad!
Spanking is NOT a quiet activity. Not only my yelps or tears, but David asking why are we here and talking to me too….. but ESPECIALLY noisy is the paddle itself when it collides with my ass cheeks. It makes a “smack” sound that is not quiet at all. (**there’s a reason why i write “S-M-A-C-K” when i describe my spankings in other posts!).
And while Domestic Discipline is in our marriage and a part of who we are, it’s not easily understood by ADULTS even. i know many of you don’t understand this is consensual, band while i can assure you: it IS!!; HOW would i ever be able to explain that to a child?
When i say child, i don’t just mean small ones. Our 17-year old, Senior in HS is still a child. He does not know about our DD household. (**no, he truly doesn’t!). Many people think and have even told me in emails, “he’s not stupid. He knows!” but i most definitely know he does not. i know this because we do not do any activities, including spanking, ANY time he is in the house. David has always spanked me when our son is away. The only thing our son has ever heard is me saying, “Sir” to David but here in the south, that’s reasonably the norm and our son doesn’t think much of it. (i even received a recent group email with several colleagues and clients were on the email, where one of the people replied all to a previous man’s statement with, “Yes Sir.”. My point is, even in the workplace, hearing someone say those words is not very uncommon.)
3) David is Mad. David has NEVER hit me, intentionally or otherwise, when he was mad. This is how i know he loves me unconditionally. No matter what caused his anger towards me, he has NEVER laid a hand on me until after his anger subsides.
And yet, when the anger subsides, those are the times when i KNOW i WILL be punished for it. The consequences or punishments are ALWAYS dolled out for these times. Without fail. But ALWAYS when he has calmed down.
David says he doesn’t trust himself when he gets angry to not beat me, to not go too far, to not just lash out with all he has. So because he’s still in control, of himself and our household, even when he is his most angry self, he refrains from dishing out all that i deserve.
And that’s how it should be!
That’s the difference between wife-beating and wife-discipline. That’s the difference between consent and non-consent. That’s why i know i can and do trust him to spank me when i most need it, but to never go too far either. And that’s why it’s consensual.
So… MY DISCIPLINED LIFE is about more than sex. It’s about rules. Every day, all the time…. But sometimes not always followed or enforced, even if it should be because… well… that’s life. But we try to do our best and move on from there.
