298 – Struggling
i am struggling.
i am thinking about how crazy, silly, absurd, and strange my chastity belt fascination is.
David is out of town. For a total of 5-days, from Saturday (yesterday) to Wednesday. Today is just Sunday, 1-day into his trip. And maybe i am just missing him or maybe i am crazy or maybe i am just being a brat…. but…. i am struggling a lot.
When David left, he told me to put on the old belt, like how i wrote about, where i said within a few short hours it was sooooo uncomfortable that i was able to take it off.
David then said to put on the new belt and only take it off to poop. i did. i put on the new belt.
And it has now been on for 24-hours, minus the few minutes to poop this morning. Things are all good physically, without chafing or stretches or itching, or anything.
But i am struggling mentally.
i told David this whole thing is stupid. Me wearing it, feeling like it’s needed, acting like it is a better way… is all stupid. And that makes ME stupid too.
There’s a reason why most people, in their sane mind, don’t wear chastity belts. Sane people are ….well…. sane.
And i wonder if i am insane. i must be!
Whyyyyy else would i think this was a good idea?!
i told David all this and he said i was just freaking out unnecessarily and this is good for me.
He then proceeded to give me some reasons why i wear this belt….
1) i am more submissive when i wear it. (Which is true actually!). Every time i wear it, my “brat attitude,” evaporates and is replaced with the proper respectful ways.
In fact, last week i smarted off to David and he responded with, “do you have the belt on?” Of course, i did NOT.
2) wearing a CB may be different from other people, but it fits me. Literally and figuratively. He said i need to “just be me.” And i guess that’s true too.
The belt calms me in ways i can’t explain. i know having the control taken away from me is a good thing and helps me to relax.
3) Then he said i ought to blog about this stress i am having, that i would feel better. He was right about that too.
This blog brings me peace. i can’t talk about these INSANE and STUPID things i do with anyone in my real life. But i can talk about and be ME here to you.
And lastly, he said i would be in trouble if i take it off as i do not have permission to do so. i want to take it off, to be “sane.” But, i like what it does for me AND David. And i don’t want my butt to be torn up either.
i’m really not sure i am sane. But that’s ok. Because i am with my Sir, who loves me dearly … just as i am. Insane or not.
So now i am off to bed….. in my belt.
Hugs,
Marie
am i insane?, chstity belt, conflicted, marriage, orgasm control, submission
joan
Must make me insane as well. I need to feel more submissive, need the feeling of being dependent. If a good belt saves a good belting and changes my mind setting it seems like a great investment.
Marie
Joan,
You make me smile and thank you for making me feel better. I agree – if wearing a belt saves me from a good belting, it’s probably a very good investment indeed.
Thank you!!
willie rubble
Here’s the thing, you and I are the exact same age- and I know from experience with other women our age, they’d kill to have the mojo, and the ability ( to orgasm) like you talk of. So consider yourself fortunate in that regard. If you need a belt to slow that down, you’re one lucky lady!
The other thing, we all have things we are ashamed of in our make up – especially in this community. Hell needing to be submissive would definitely be frowned upon in most circles. So maybe you feel like the odd one out because of your CB…maybe someone else feels like the odd one out because they have to stand in a corner, or they wear a diaper or a butt plug, or dress as a furry. I figure it’s a buffet of sorts and our tastes, allergies and/or experiences dictate what lands on our plate, this go around. Who cares as long as there is no judgment between the key players!
Of course this is tough talk coming from someone who still struggles with many aspects of herself – but it ebbs and flows. Lol
Happy New Year!
willie
Marie
Willie,
Your comments are always so inspiring and uplifting. Thank you for the encouragement and kind words. Your words ring true and resonate loudly with me. I appreciate you! Thank you. Marie
Marie
Willie,
I really thought I replied already, but now I don’t see it. So.. if I did, consider this a bonus reply but if I didn’t, we’ll, now it’s all new.
I always love and respect every comment you give, as you make a point to build me (and others) up. You are encouraging, reassuring, and inspiring. You make me feel so good and proud. And that’s what I needed. Thank you.
And you are right about a lot of people being envious. As well about a lot of people needing to figure out what gives them motivation and joy in life. Maybe we are some of the lucky ones. ❤️
Hugs, Marie
Housecarl
You needn’t question your sanity simply because you are different, in an insane world, being different is a sign of sanity. Do your desired and practices harm you or any one else? I think they do not. From what I can tell your desire to wear a CB is helping you find the submissive frame of mind that brings you peace and forces you to rely on your man for your desires to be fulfilled, which brings you closer. I have learned over the years that for a couple to be happy they must be truly one, and thus one partner has to be as completely submissive to the other as possible (without violating basic morality, if this is a problem the relationship needs some work). Two “equals” can be united only so far as there is no disagreement, and there will always be disagreement. I have also observed that it never works out well when the man is the submissive. The woman almost always becomes dissatisfied and leaves and everyone becomes unhappy. (I sometimes get jealous of my wife BC her submissiveness brings her so much peace and constant leadership is very demanding, but there is simply no other way). So not going along with societies self-destructive behaviors is the essence of sanity. Just be yourself which seems a wonderful thing to be.
Marie
HouseCarl,
Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. Very insightful and I so very much appreciate you already! Society does seem to be self-destructive, my CB isn’t hurting anyone (myself included), and being different isn’t always bad. I can’t thank you enough! Marie