We got into a H-U-G-E fight yesterday afternoon. On Easter. Completely ruined the afternoon of an otherwise great Sunday. And the topic or reason for the fight…. was stupid. V-E-R-Y stupid!
i will tell you just how stupid……
Background first. We have a running phrase in my house that goes like this….. “when King Midas touches things, it turns to gold. When Marie touches things (with technology involved), it breaks.”
My computer has given me the “black screen of death” (that’s what i call it anyway) more times than i know. i have horned more computers (that break for NO reason) than anyone i know! My phone just randomly decides to do strange things too, like one day (recently) we upgraded our service provider plan. “All we have to do” is reboot the phone and it will take effect. Except when i rebooted my phone, the voice mail suddenly wouldn’t work… at all. Then i called the 800-help desk number and got it working. Until i hung up the phone and then my phone wouldn’t dial out even for a basic call! And the microwave broke when i was using it. The buttons just stopped working 2-months ago as i was pushing them. This is the same microwave that i blogged about last summer! It wasn’t even one-year-old! And….. and…. and i could go on, but you get the idea.
Well…. this past week my car had to go to the shop where they (apparently) had to disconnect the dashboard and after getting it back, all the (technology-related) settings were not set anymore, including my phone connecting to Bluetooth.
So David decided to reset all this for me yesterday afternoon. And when he told me this, he had my keys in hand and said, “let’s do this now.” And the fact he was going to do it “now” should’ve put my mind at ease (given my background about tech!), but instead… it sent my anxiety through the roof and to the next level.
He wanted me to go to the car and do it with him… THAT moment. Well, i wasn’t doing anything particular then, but i wasn’t mentally prepared to take on that tech battle either. (When i set the tech settings the first time, i had to read the manual! —— who reads a car manual with all 500-pages of it anyway?? 🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️. i had to… cuz i couldn’t figure out how to make the car not beep when… [fill in the blank]….. without reading it.)
i tried not to say anything. But then he said, “what? Are you afraid I’ll mess it up?”
i responded in truth…. “Yes.”
(When in reality, while that was how i was feeling overall… but it was more that “i was afraid WE would mess it up! And it gives me anxiety to do this…and i’m not mentally prepared for this… and and….”
And in that single word….. he and i proceeded to get into the biggest fight we’ve had in a long time. It escalated with us yelling things at each other that neither of us really meant and got to the point where he yelled, “I’m done! You are certifiably crazy!” And he got out a suitcase and started packing it to leave the house and go who-knows-where.
And in that moment, all i could really think was, “HOW did we get HERE? And why doesn’t he just say, ‘Assume the Position’ and spank me?”
And why didn’t he?
i think he was just THAT mad that he couldn’t. He would’ve ended up truly beating me of he had picked up the paddle. And our DD relationship….. to many people’s disbelief and have tried to argue with me on this blog and/or in emails to me… is NOT about beatings or abuse.
i probably should’ve let him leave…. and calm down… which he would’ve done. And he would’ve come back. But i wasn’t certain in that moment. i was doubting. And MORE anxiety gripped me.
Instead, i first told him how stupid it was that he was leaving. And i told him i suspected if he left, he wouldn’t come back or that we would never be the same. And when that didn’t exactly work, i eventually just (literally) clung to him …. and started crying and basically not allowing him to leave without dragging me with him.
(Yeah, i told you at the start… it was a DUMB fight. That escalated wayyyyyy beyond anything rational!)
But we did calm down. (He kinda didn’t have a choice when i was standing there arms around him, head dug into his chest, and crying….)
We are (still) living in the same house, slept in the same bed under the same roof, and all is “right” in my world again……
i haven’t gotten a spanking.
But it’s probably needed.
We shall see.
So….. Doms…… next time something seems “off” with your sub….. don’t go getting so angry that you threaten to leave your own home with suitcases in hand. Instead, tell her to Assume the Position, and spank her ass. Spank her soundly and hard enough to get the anxiety to subside…. and make her still go do the thing that needs to be done. Calmly. (Now to just say that to David… 😉)
Oh… and i’ll stop with the “keep calm” pics now… but seriously… it’s pretty appropriate for today’s blog post.. right??