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23 – Cum on command AND only with permission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Forced Orgasm, Uncategorized. No Comments on 23 – Cum on command AND only with permission

Can you cum on command? i’m not allowed to touch myself without permission, and neither am I allowed to cum without permission.  In fact, i’m officially in ‘orgasm training’.  For anyone not familiar with that, it means i ask permission to cum and i can only do so when Sir says “yes, you may cum now.”

The idea is something like Pavlov’s dogs and i’ve even read stories about women who can ‘cum on command’.  They hear the words “yes, you may cum now” and even if they are in the grocery store, not being aroused or touched, cum on command.

i’m not entirely sure how i feel about that.  i want to be submissive, but cumming in the grocery store on command?  hmmm. 

On the one hand, that’s hot.  That’s erotic.  And that is submission at its finest!  i mean, even your BODY submits.  Not JUST your mind.

On the other hand, i’m not a dog.  Literally speaking here.  i’m NOT a “Pavlovian dog”. 

For what’s its worth, i’d say i cum MORE now than i did before.  Maybe it’s because David knows i’m not doing it on my own and maybe giving him that control is even more of a turn on?!  i dunno, but this is one happy sub.. until i cum in the grocery store without being touched! 

You?  Anyone want to cum on command?  Hot and sexy or dog-like?

Hugs,

Marie

21 – Maintenance is working as intended

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So i wondered from the beginning WHY do people do Maintenance.  i even previously blogged about it, where i came to terms with the idea.

Last week, Sir decided we would do DAILY maintenance.  D*A*I*L*Y.

Keep in mind that while i had come to the realization that it did have a proper place in domestic discipline, i still wasn’t keen on it.

But i still submitted.  “Yes Sir”.  And what i was thinking in my head was “BUT WHY?”

Well, i admit – it works.

We have now done it for a week.  My bottom is not nearly as sore as i’d have thought, but i have realized quite a few things about myself, spankings, maintenance, and submission.

Namely:  IT WORKS.  Maintenance.  It works.

Here’s how the week has gone:  

Day 1: – i didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ so remind me WHY do we to do this!? (grumpy)

Spanking hurt.  It was intended to be so.  i was standing on the floor, legs apart, hands on the side of the bed.

At the end, i felt his fingers reach between my legs.  And i heard him say, “Good girl for taking that spanking.  Do you want to cum?”

Me:  “Thank you Sir.  Yes, i’d like to cum”.
And he fingered me until i begged permission to do so.  And he said Yes!

Day 2: – Okay, now it hurts.  (seriously, is this really necessary?)

Sir seems to want to get it over with.  Going fast, firm, and intense.

But at the end, he pushed me up onto the bed in a doggie style and asked me if i wanted to cum.  Of course, i said “YES SIR!”.

And he fingered me again until i came.

i guess while maintenance spankings are necessary, if i take them as i should without complaining, there is a reward at the end!

Day 3: – i don’t want this to be the norm.  (fine, maybe it IS necessary)

The spanking of course.  The cum – YES, please, can i do it again?!!

Day 4: – okay, i’ll just get into position before he even tells me to.  He was impressed and surprised.  (okay, this hurts enough i need to submit without getting a “real” spanking).

But i took the liberty to change up “the position”.  i propped pillows on the bed, angled myself over them so that my ass was in the air, and put my arms under my stomach (so i couldn’t be tempted to reach back and stop the spanking mid-way).

What i didn’t appreciate was that when he hits now, the ‘give’ between the paddle and the bed is not much.  And there’s no place for me to straighten up, flex or move away, and i feel the full brunt of it.

Add to that, David has increased the intensity of the maintenance spanking and each swat is delivered more intentionally also.  He even started to tell me, “That was a 30% arm strength”.  i can’t imagine what 100% would feel like.  And i hope i never have to find out!  As i said, “working as intended!”

But then came the reward.  He said, “Flip over on your back.”  i did.  WOW – my ass stung as it came together with the bed!

He got between my legs and licked me until i begged him to allow me to cum.  He said YES!  And i released my orgasm on his face.

Day 5: – Get a text “Assume the position”.  His arm and swats are firmer.  He is testing my limits.  (now i’m compliant and expecting it, although not exactly wanting it).

i had hoped to have a reprieve because David had to take our son to school  as he missed the bus.  And i had gotten dressed intending to go to work and was excited at the possibility of skipping today’s maintenance.

Darn it.  NO such luck.  But maybe the cum reward afterward will be sufficient and i’ll have to relax and wait for the reward.

i didn’t know what “the position” he meant – standing by the bed or laying on pillows with ass in the air.  I opted for the latter because i just wasn’t sure how much time would lapse until he was home.  And David seemed pleased to see my ass in the air when he did arrive home.

i cringed with each swat.  And i prayed it would end soon.  And i prayed that he’d allow me to cum.  And i thanked God for this man and his discipline and leadership of me and our family.  And i prayed that God would help me submit always and to never have to incur the wrath of Sir’s disciplinary spanking.  Ever.  (Although i know it will be needed at some point, i pray it is no time soon!).

Working as intended.

And i got to cum too.

Day 6 – i don’t even get dressed.  i just know there’s no point.  i am accepting.  The intensity has increased with each day.  I cringe.   (i do NOT want the real spanking because maintenance is enough!)

i wish there were a way to avoid this.  But i don’t see there is.  And arguing the point that i’ve gotten the message wouldn’t help, in fact, it would likely elicit a true disciplinary spanking as i felt the need to argue.

He peppers my ass with small, intense swats all over.  And then a BIG SWAT.  OUCH!  And repeat with small swats all over and SMACK!  OUCH AGAIN!  By the time he was done, my voice was almost hoarse from letting out the yelps of pain.

And he climbed between my legs once again.  This part is SO AMAZING!  He let me cum. i pray he never says NO to the cumming part.

For the first time ever he tells me, “Wow, you had a little bit of a squirt that time”.

REALLY?

Day 7: – i wake up and tell Sir, “These maintenance spankings are having the desired effect.  i won’t intentionally misbehave.  Knowing the intensity and heat from a red hot ass after maintenance, i have ZERO desire to have a discipline spanking.  David says, “GOOD!  Then we can skip today’s maintenance.”

Phew!  A reprieve.

But no cum.  i guess there is a bitter sweet to this.  i bet Sir will be desirous to allow me to cum without a spanking though too! 🙂

8th day –

Sir asks, “Is your ass still sore?”

Me: “No Sir”

Sir says, “Hmm.  Maybe we need to work on the intensity to ensure it is a lasting effect!”

Me:  “Two days later?”

Sir:  “YES! But now you can insert a butt plug and wear a g string to hold it in tight today!”
Oh my!

Day 9 – will be tomorrow – i wonder what it may hold.  And when can i graduate to NOT being daily maintenance?!!!

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

19 – Sir wants to be called Sir.

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i know, Sir wants to be called Sir ….That probably seems obvious.

Yes, i know.

But……when we first began DD, there were a lot of things that had to be discussed, figured out, and decided upon.   There continue to be things that, as we go further into this, we are continually changing.

When we first began this DD, Sir said that i didn’t have to say SIR on a regular basis, because he “knew i meant it, even when it wasn’t spoken.”  But, like every good relationship, it is evolving.  It continues to evolve.  As we go deeper into DD, every single day, we are changing and evolving.  And for THAT, i’m happy.

If our relationship did NOT evolve, we wouldn’t be making progress.

After 17 years in marriage, our relationship had stagnated.  i was beginning to wonder if there just wasn’t “more to life”.  i wasn’t exactly considering divorce, don’t read into this.  But i was most certainly BORED.

And today, Sir said something that i couldn’t hear.  So i said, “What?” and he looked at me and said, “THAT is not respectful.  You should have said, ‘Sir?’”.

When i asked him why, he thought i’d lost ALL respect for him.  (i really thought my butt was about to be turned a bright color of red!).  But when i reminded him that was not a required word, his response was, “I can change my mind anytime I want.  It is YOU who gave up that right!”.

He was absolutely right.  And i was A-OK with that.  i just smiled and said, “i agree SIR”.  And smiled even bigger.

i’m thrilled that Sir is evolving in his Dom status.  i’m proud of his ability to take the control that i’ve given up and use it to the best of his ability to lead our marriage and our family.

i’m equally proud of how i’m also evolving as his submissive.  i am doing things i wasn’t sure i could.  i knew in my HEAD that i wanted this.  But sometimes what we think and what we really want are NOT the same.  In this case, i’m SO happy to know they ARE the same!

i will gladly call him SIR as often as possible, which is pretty much all the time!

17 – To Maintenance or Not to Maintenance?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 17 – To Maintenance or Not to Maintenance?

A few Deep Thoughts on Spanking… the “just because” kind… or Maintenance… whatever you want to call it.

Whatever you call it, the gist is common and goes like this, “Because I like what you are doing, and I want it to continue, so I’m going to spank you to reinforce that behavior.”

i have to admit this entire concept has been a struggle for me.  If i haven’t done anything WRONG, then WHY do i DESERVE a punishment?  Shouldn’t you just punish the bad and reward the good?

And WHY have i struggled with this?  Okay, so i see a cause/effect relationship between that goes like this:  doing something wrong equals spankings.  Doing what is expected equals NOT getting spankings.

But when there is NOTHING to spank for, but a spanking results, well, isn’t it then …….abuse?  (That is a little word with a HUGE implication!  Trust me, keep reading…)

i probably ought to tell you how idefine “abuse”.  Quite simply, i think it is “unwilling”.  Unwilling to submit, unwilling to agree to be spanked (or any type of discipline), or un-desirable of what is happening…. but if it were to happen anyway…. that would equal abuse.

So how to reconcile all of this?!?  Well today, i changed my attitude about this.

Let me back up just a tad and lay the ground work to tell you HOW i got to the place that resulted in this changed attitude…..

As of late, i’ve had a lottttt to do at work and its caused a lottttt of stress.  Well, when i get stressed, i struggle to submit.  In fact, i struggle to be anything but selfish.  Generally, i don’t treat many people with respect, and certainly not David, to whom i have been married to for 18 years now.

Not that i intend to be “mean” to anyone really, especially David, but just like that phrase, “We take it out on the ones we love the most”, that’s basically what happens for me.   Let me say that this behavior isn’t an out-an-out “bad girl and deserve a spanking right NOW” kind of struggle.  Rather it’s more of a short, snappy, rude, and well, disrespectful responses.  And as an aside, since beginning DD, i’ve actually been LESS rude and LESS inappropriate than it would’ve been before DD.  But still.

So today, i knew i’d gone too far really.  i knew that Sir was being kind to me and letting things slide because of this stress i’ve had.  But, in a way, i’ve abused him (emotionally) by being so mean and so rude and so disrepectful!

Realistically, i knew the answer was to encourage Sir to administer a spanking.  i told Sir  how i think regular maintenance would be good.  It would reinforce the good, discourage the bad….

And let’s face it… Maintenance keeps things running properly.

Even my A/C needs maintenance.  It’s cheaper when the AC company comes and checks on it BEFORE it breaks.  It also creates far fewer of the less-than-desirable hot house days (when it breaks, it would be miserable in Texas!).

So using that same analogy… but applying it to maintenance spankings….. it is far better to reinforce the positive, keep things on track before it has a chance to break, and far less miserable if the ‘bad behavior’ were to NOT happen and cause things would break.

Hence – maintenance is GOOD for my AC and for ME.  🙂

Sir didn’t disappoint.  He prefers the paddle.  So much so, we’ve never used the belt.  i requested that he use the belt today.  And it stung in **the** spot it hit.  The end of it ‘snapped’ at my bottom and stung exactly where it hit.  Unfortunately for me, Sir kept hitting in the exact-same-spot.  So wow, did it really stink!

i debated if it would be out of line to ask Sir to move to a different spot.  But since i already asked for maintenance AND the belt, i decided to keep my mouth shut at this third request in the midst of the spanking moment.

And sure enough, after he was done, he asked me how i felt.  (Glad i didn’t open my mouth in the middle!).  i said, “the maintenance was needed.  i hope to have that happen regularly.  And to the belt, when it hit over and over again in the exact same spot, it stung pretty good and was more painful than the paddle – but only in THAT spot.  Whereas the paddle stings ALL over due to the all over coverage.  If possible, in the future, if you could move around a bit more it would be better.”

To which he said, “First off, you are TELLING me how to administer spankings… and I don’t care for that!  But second, you say ‘better’ if I move around.  Better for WHO?  YOU?”  and he shook his finger at me and continued with “THAT is not your call either”.

But i bet the next time he uses the belt, he will move it around.  🙂

So to maintenance or not to maintenance is the question at hand?    Well, assuming there is a “next time”….for maintenance… or with the belt…..but frankly, i hope there IS a next time.  Because i don’t see this as “ABUSE” in any way because NOW i see the positive and i am willingly submitting to Sir.  And i don’t want to ABUSE him either.  His kindness is overwhelming and i shouldn’t have the ability to use it (to my advantage) to the point that it becomes a way to tip the power/ control in my favor… or inflict mental abuse on Sir.

So i’m pretty sure there will be a next time.

And TO MAINTENANCE is my verdict and final answer.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

15 – “Pain is weakness leaving the body”

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Sir played in a golf tournament sponsored by the Marines this week.  He came home with a black shirt, in my size, (man’s style, but still…) and he handed it to me and said, “I figured you’d like this.  I got it for you.”

When i looked at the shirt, it had the quote that is the title of this post.  And it made me think about how true it is!  And how it “fits” the answer to “WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE IN A DD RELATIONSHIP?:

Seriously, that’s probably the #1 question i even asked of others when i learned about this.  “WHY” would you want someone else  – another adult – to have the ability to inflict intentional pain on you?

In fact, recently Sir asked me the same thing.  “How is it that you tell me it hurts and want the spanking to end… but when we aren’t ‘in the act’ you tell me how much you like it and want it and need it?  How is it that you want the pain but you don’t like the pain?”

Well, if even David is wondering….. why…. or how …. that i could want and need this… i thought maybe you might be thinking these same things too.  So now it an excellent time to address this.  i hope i do the subject and this blog justice in an attempt to explain it from a sub’s perspective.

When i saw the T-Shirt with this quote on it, i felt it truly defined my thoughts.  i don’t pretend to say i’m a Marine or feel the “Same” pain as them.  i admire and respect ALL military people!  i thank them for the service they have done.  i am myself a product of TWO (Army) parents.  (That’s another blog altogether).

But this quote has seriously spoke to my heart and i think it is the best way to start to explain my submissive nature and just WHY i think domestic discipline and spankings are the way for me/ us.

So let’s start breaking it down — > one-word-at-a-time.

PAIN.   Pain comes in many forms.  And i personally believe that we all feel “alive” with pain. 

Even when you cut yourself, say even a paper cut, and you start bleeding.  That feeling is “pain” but it causes you to be hyper-attentive to that very spot on your body.  And the thought that “how could this slight and small cut hurt THIS much?”  But it makes us feel ALIVE.  

When Sir spanks me, i feel ALIVE.  Yes, it hurts.  But i feel ALIVE.

IS.  Okay, so what can i say about one word?  Well, “IS” is a verb.  It is action.  It is in present tense even.  You have to be IN THE MOMENT.  

Anytime the word “IS” is used, someone is DOING something.  In this case, Sir IS inflicting pain.  

i love being in the moment, doing things together, and being connected…. To David….. To my husband…………………….  To my Sir.

WEAKNESS.  Weakness.  Defined as a “state of condition of lacking strength.”  The weakness, or lack of strength, in this case is with respect to the action that i look that lead to my position of needing discipline.  Maybe i broke the rules, maybe i did it on purpose, maybe i didn’t care about the consequences and did it anyway, but maybe it was just accidental or ‘in the moment’.  No matter WHY the weakness came out, it did.  It showed itself and it exists.  

And the only way to eliminate weakness is to get stronger.  “HOW” do we get stronger?  Well, i suppose it depends on what the weakness is.

LEAVING THE BODY.  Okay, so that’s three words.  i get it.  But these three words can easily go together.  When the pain gets out of the body, the body is left with strength.  Strength to do better, both physically and mentally.  

And in the case of domestic discipline, after a spanking, the pain is literally radiating from my ass with redness and tingling and sensitivity to the touch.

If a discipline is strong enough, the weakness will be eradicated and be replaced with strength.  Strength to do better in the future.  Strength to remember the consequences.  To CARE about the consequences.  To WANT to do better.  And to ultimately, succeed.

And…… i enjoy the process.

The process of being a better person, wife, mom, business woman, and …..submissive…. is worth the pain.  The pain forces the weakness to be gone.  To leave my body.

And what is left is strength and passion and focus on being a better person, wife, mom, business woman and submissive.

i don’t think i’ll ever ‘graduate’ to being able to NOT have earned spankings.  i think there will always be weaknesses that need to be forced out.  i think there will always be a need to reinforce the process of doing good and being the best submissive wife possible.

But i do enjoy the process!

But why spankings and doesn’t it hurt?  and so why submit?

The theory behind all of the above is SO addictive.  But the ACTUALITY of the pain being inflicted by Sir is NOT.  i do NOT look forward to spankings.  i do not cherish the pain.  i do not WANT the pain.

But – when i commit wrong, inappropriate, disrespectful or unacceptable actions, they deserve to be rectified and i deserve to receive the consequences thereof.

Before DD – Sir and i would just get in a fight and ultimately agree to disagree or even have a silent treatment toward one another.

But post DD – Sir has a way to eliminate this undesirable behavior.  And frankly, i don’t LIKE being disrespectful.  It is just rude.  And so now, we have a productive way to deal with that.

So yes, i submit my body and specifically my ass as a submissive way of showing that i deserve discipline and i want to have “PAIN AND THE WEAKNESS LEAVE MY BODY”

Final words:    Yes, it hurts.  Yes, it is pain.  NO, i do NOT look forward to it.

But i do enjoy the weakness leaving my body and i welcome Sir teaching me how best to treat him and his place in our house through productive means.

So THAT is why i think this quote is SO appropriate …….and why i welcome being a submissive to my David ……. and am welcoming of domestic discipline……offering up (literally, up in the air) of my naked ass and being subjected to PAIN through Spankings.

i welcome it all and i welcome the opportunity to feel PAIN LEAVING MY BODY.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie