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20 – COMPLETELY ANGRY!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Punishment, Spanking. 1 Comment on 20 – COMPLETELY ANGRY!

i’ll get right to the point.  i got ANGRY at Sir tonight.

He did something to “help” me, that had i KNOWN he had done it already, i wouldn’t ahve ALSO done it.  ALL he had to do was TELL ME.  But he didn’t.  And that caused me to do about 3 hours of extra work that was duplicating efforts for NO Reason.

He didn’t mean to not tell me.  But he didn’t.

Like everyone, we are all so busy in life, that spending THREE HOURS doing something that didn’t need to be done at all, seems like a complete waste.  And i couldn’t help but think, “all he had to do was TELL ME!”  But he did NOT.

He knew i was mad too.

But here’s where PRE-DD and POST-DD resulted in a VERY different outcome.

Let me tell you what would’ve happened – PRE-DD.

i would have said, “WHY didn’t you tell me?  You KNEW that was important.  If you’d told me it would have saved me a LOT of time!  Seriously, I’m ANGRY at you!”

And he would’ve said, “I did the work.  So I didn’t tell you I did it.  I did it to help you!  It got done!  If you wanted to know, you should’ve asked!”

And me, “It didn’t help me for you to do it if I didn’t KNOW you did it!  And as to me Asking you…. How would I even KNOW to ask – ‘hey, did you do this thing we never even talked about, and I planned to do because I’m responsible for but that you may have decided to do it anyway’ – REALLY???”

And from there – we would have gotten in a fight where he would’ve said things about how i’m not grateful, i just want to complain, that i am always grumpy and nagging, that i always see the negatives.

And i would’ve come back with things like he never takes responsibility for his actions, that he could’ve communicated with me, and now he refuses to see that his failure to communicate is the real problem here, and he should apologize.

And he wouldn’t.

And we would have the silent treatment and sulk and be angry for the rest of the evening!

NOW let me tell you what did happen – POST-DD.

He knew i was mad.  But i just held my tongue.  i said NOTHING.

Until…..

He said, “What?  What do you want to say?”

i said, “i’m not going to tell you what i’m thinking because it will come out ALL wrong and i’ll just end up in the bedroom with a red ass!”

He said, “You are really pretty much there already with that tone! So you may as well speak your mind!” (And his anger was starting to rise, but not ‘quite’ there yet).

i said, “i’m so angry right now, but i don’t want to tell you anything.  And if i’m already headed to the bedroom….. (and i paused and said)…. let’s just go now and get it over with!” (in a fairly angry, about to explode tone, but not ‘quite’ there yet).

Since our son was out of the house at the time, i stripped naked while stomping to the bedroom and just dropped a trail of clothes along the way.

i didn’t look him in the eye, say a word, or acknowledge a thing.

He laughed.  That made me madder!

i put my hands on the bed, spread my legs shoulder-width apart, looked down, and was determined to NOT MOVE!

And he had the paddle already in his hand.  He swung it hard.  It instantly hurt.  But i refused to move!  i didn’t even flinch!

And he swung it again.  Hard again.  Wow.  It hurt.  But i still did NOT move.

A third time and a fourth and a fifth.  i counted.  Not outloud because Sir doesn’t require it, but in my head.

My butt was on fire already!

Is it my imagination or is he swinging harder than ever before?  Does he WANT to make me use the safe word?  — i’ve not used it yet — so maybe this is his time to get it to come out?!

Six.  And i flinched.  But it hurt.

Seven.  And i flinched even more.  Okay, so my butt is on fire.

And THEN – EIGHT –  HURTTTTTTTTTT!  A LOTTTTTTT.  WOW.  That was THE worst yet!  i just know David put more force into that one!   And i almost hit the ceiling – hands came off the bed, legs went perfectly straight – i was standing upright.

He said nothing.

i took about 3-4 seconds to collect myself and i resumed the position.

NINE – OMG – is it even possible to be even MORE painful?  okay, i’m thinking how many more can i take without safe-wording and how much more power is he going to put into the next swing?

Tears came to my eyes.  First time EVER for that!

TEN – Just as bad.

ELEVEN – same as Ten.  My butt is burning and on fire for sure.  how many more?!

TWELVE – Okay, more intense again.  i stood up with tears in my eyes and with a pleading voice squeaked out, “Please Sir, can we be done?”

With that he said, “Are you still mad?”

okay, so i kinda wasssss still mad, but not nearly like before.

And i told him that.  He said, “Do you think you can calm down (the rest of the way) or should we keep going?”

And i responded with, “Yes Sir, i believe i can.  And i’m sorry i got so mad”.

BONUS:

That’s when he put the paddle away, hugged and kissed me, said he loved me and he was happy that THIS was how this ended.  And after that, we talked.  About the original task.  He apologized for not realizing that i didn’t know and not telling me.  He thanked me for not yelling or starting a fight.  He recognized that i held my tongue (mostly) and that the way i controlled myself was significantly better than it would’ve been without DD.

And i thanked him also for working the anger out in a positive way.  i thanked him for the spanking.  For being in control.  For knowing how to use force when needed.  (David admitted that he used more forceful swats tonight than he has ever before). 

So instead of fighting, we talked.  Reasonably and positively.

We both agreed that Post-DD is significantly better than Pre-DD.
We are NEVER going back!

NO fighting.  NO residual anger. It happened, it was dealt with, and the rest of the evening has been pleasant!

And NOW he made me popcorn and brought it to me for me to watch the fall season opener of my favorite tv show!  🙂

(Oh and in case you are wondering – more than an hour later, i’m struggling to sit … my ass is SOOOOO RED!).

Final Score:  

Pre-DD: 0, Post-DD: 1.  Its a WIN for DD!

18 – Red Beans and Rice.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Punishment, Submission. 8 Comments on 18 – Red Beans and Rice.

LONG post – sorry, but hopefully you will understand…. and read through anyway.  🙂

So today was NOT my best day.  And Sir is requiring a blog posting about it “now”.  So here i am, being vulnerable, and telling you how my day has gone.

USEFUL STORY FACTS.

Let me tell you about how my day started…

#1 – our son had a failed attempt to spend the night with a friend last night.  A friend was having a sleep over and at 3:00 am this morning son texted me asking to go get him and bring him home.  The (teen) boys had had a fight and he just wanted to leave.  So i was up earlyyyyy.  And i (basically) didn’t go back to sleep after getting him home and listening to him tell me the “whole story”.

#2 – a friend who lives out of State, who i haven’t seen in 10- years was in town for just the weekend and (after getting Sir’s approval) we agreed to get together this morning.   And i was super excited to get to see her today.

#3 – David was going to church early due to being on technical team and the original plan was that i would drop our son at church, and then go see said friend from there. (i was allowed to miss to go see my friend).

So with that.  i texted David at 8:00am to report the events with our son and to confirm it was okay for our son to skip church also.  Well, like all texting convos, while i was telling him about our son, he was asking me to do some tasks before i left.

He asked that i would rinse the RED BEANS and put them in water to soak.  And if i did that, the beans would then be ready to go when he was home from church, so he would set them to cooking to be ready for tonight’s dinner.

He proceeded to give me explicit directions on EXACTLY what to do to get the beans soaking in the way he wanted them.  This was all via text and between me saying, “yes Sir” i would also write more about our son’s mishaps that occurred overnight and got permission to allow our son to sleep in and also miss church.

So with that,  i went to the shower, dressed, and left the house.  Went to meet my friend.  Off and on texting with Sir about having fun, etc.

And a bit later,  i received a text from Sir that said, “Forget something??” after he had gotten home from church.

Oh crap.  i forgot the beans.  How to respond?  NO WAY i can deny that i didn’t know how to do it.  He texted EVERY step.  

i responded, “Yes Sir.  i did.  i forgot the beans.  i’m so very sorry”.

To which i received a text saying “What ELSE?“

What else?!  Uhmm.  NO idea…. Yikes.

i responded, “i’m not sure i know of anything else Sir.”

To which i received a text saying, “Your Collar?!”

(i have a collar that while it’s not been exactly or explicitly made clear when it is expected to be on or off, i basically “just know”.  And it is basically, “All the time, but especially when leaving the house”.  So i knew this was a time i should have worn it!)

Oh double crap.  i clearly wasn’t thinking about anything Sir wanted or expected when i was dressing and leaving to meet with my friend!

i responded, “yes Sir.  i have failed to wear it today.  i’m sorry.”

To which i received a “Hmm” text back.  Oh triple crap.  NOT good!

Well, he didn’t text again.  And the entire thing weighed heavy on my mind the rest of my friend meeting.  And i texted, “i’m heading home now” at the conclusion of our meeting.

And i got a text back that said, “You need to stop and buy a bag of Red beans.”

“Yes Sir”.

i did.

And with that, Sir greets me and says, “I’m going to take a nap.  We will deal with you after that!”

The waiting continues.  The weight on my mind is NOT alleviated at ALL yet.

After Sir gets up, he says, “Go to the bedroom, take off all your clothes, put ON YOUR COLLAR and wait for me on the bed.  I’m going to order pizza so we have SOMETHING to eat for dinner!”

Five very long minutes later…..

He comes in, with the bag of red beans that i had bought, and says, “You’ve had trouble listening and follow through with tasks today. When I tell you to do something, I expect it to be done.  Now you have to learn a lesson.”

And he proceeded to pour the beans onto the floor, near the wall.   He points to it.  He says “Kneel.  Now.  Put your nose to the wall.  You will be here until the pizza is delivered.”

And he left.

WELL – the first thoughts i had was, “This isn’t as bad as i feared.  In fact, i’m not sure this will be any consequence or punishment at all!”  But that feeling did NOT last long!

The minutes ticked away.  My knees started to feel it.  i shifted my weight from left to right.  i thought, “Wow, that hurt!” but i also felt the beans “move”.  Well, i wasn’t too sure how Sir would respond if he came back and found that the beans were basically NOT under my knees.  So i leaned back, pushed them together in a cohesive pile, and went back to position.

OH MY GOSH.  MISTAKE.  THAT HURT!

And i waited.  My back was starting to hurt from leaning into the wall for my nose to touch.  So now my knees AND my back hurt.

And he came back.  He asked, “How are we doing??”  i had NO real idea how to respond.  i worried that saying i was in pain would seem like a complaint, but to NOT say that would be a lie.  So i opted for the truth to which he responded with, “GOOD!”

That’s when he slipped his fingers between my legs and i squirmed.  OUCH.  That squirm made the beans shift and sent pain through my knees.  He saw the movement and said, “DO NOT MOVE! And don’t even think of Coming!”.  He rubbed my clit and it was wet in an instant.  i always get wet when he touches me.  And then he pushed a finger in my ass.  In. Out.  In. Out.  Deeper in.  All the way out.  Faster in.  Faster out.

My head leaned back.  i could feel the orgasm building.  And he said, “Nose on the wall!  I said do NOT move!” and he pulled fingers out and slapped my ass.  Over and over.  And while it didn’t hurt, it did a nice warm-up too!  And i did not and was not allowed to cum.

And he left.

And i waited.  And the beans shifted.  So i shuffled them back together.  Again.  And IT HURT!  You’d think i’d have learned the first time!  But no, i didn’t.  This time, tears came to my eyes when i made myself get back in place.

45-long-minutes-later, i heard the door bell ring.  i was never so happy to hear that bell!

And just a couple of minutes after that, Sir came in and asked, “Have you learned that you need to remember to do as i ask?”

“Oh yes, Sir, i have!”

“Do your knees hurt?”

“Oh yes, Sir, they do!”

“Good!” (then he told me to stand, gave me forgiveness kisses and hugs) and he also said, “Now get dressed, get a Ziploc and clean up the beans.  Do not throw them away.  Keep them.  i may need to repeat this at some point!  Then take a picture of your knees.  Keep it as a reminder.  And let’s go eat dinner… albeit PIZZA and NOT red beans and rice!”

“Yes Sir”

And we ate Pizza.   Afterward he said, “Now go blog about this.  I want you to remember this! and post the Picture with it”

In case you are wondering, YES, those are my knees in this picture above.  (Sexy, right?! LOL).  And 2-hours later, they are still indented, although not as bad.  And they still sting too!

Red beans will be tomorrow’s meal.  And i hope to NEVER have this repeated.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

15 – “Pain is weakness leaving the body”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 15 – “Pain is weakness leaving the body”

Sir played in a golf tournament sponsored by the Marines this week.  He came home with a black shirt, in my size, (man’s style, but still…) and he handed it to me and said, “I figured you’d like this.  I got it for you.”

When i looked at the shirt, it had the quote that is the title of this post.  And it made me think about how true it is!  And how it “fits” the answer to “WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE IN A DD RELATIONSHIP?:

Seriously, that’s probably the #1 question i even asked of others when i learned about this.  “WHY” would you want someone else  – another adult – to have the ability to inflict intentional pain on you?

In fact, recently Sir asked me the same thing.  “How is it that you tell me it hurts and want the spanking to end… but when we aren’t ‘in the act’ you tell me how much you like it and want it and need it?  How is it that you want the pain but you don’t like the pain?”

Well, if even David is wondering….. why…. or how …. that i could want and need this… i thought maybe you might be thinking these same things too.  So now it an excellent time to address this.  i hope i do the subject and this blog justice in an attempt to explain it from a sub’s perspective.

When i saw the T-Shirt with this quote on it, i felt it truly defined my thoughts.  i don’t pretend to say i’m a Marine or feel the “Same” pain as them.  i admire and respect ALL military people!  i thank them for the service they have done.  i am myself a product of TWO (Army) parents.  (That’s another blog altogether).

But this quote has seriously spoke to my heart and i think it is the best way to start to explain my submissive nature and just WHY i think domestic discipline and spankings are the way for me/ us.

So let’s start breaking it down — > one-word-at-a-time.

PAIN.   Pain comes in many forms.  And i personally believe that we all feel “alive” with pain. 

Even when you cut yourself, say even a paper cut, and you start bleeding.  That feeling is “pain” but it causes you to be hyper-attentive to that very spot on your body.  And the thought that “how could this slight and small cut hurt THIS much?”  But it makes us feel ALIVE.  

When Sir spanks me, i feel ALIVE.  Yes, it hurts.  But i feel ALIVE.

IS.  Okay, so what can i say about one word?  Well, “IS” is a verb.  It is action.  It is in present tense even.  You have to be IN THE MOMENT.  

Anytime the word “IS” is used, someone is DOING something.  In this case, Sir IS inflicting pain.  

i love being in the moment, doing things together, and being connected…. To David….. To my husband…………………….  To my Sir.

WEAKNESS.  Weakness.  Defined as a “state of condition of lacking strength.”  The weakness, or lack of strength, in this case is with respect to the action that i look that lead to my position of needing discipline.  Maybe i broke the rules, maybe i did it on purpose, maybe i didn’t care about the consequences and did it anyway, but maybe it was just accidental or ‘in the moment’.  No matter WHY the weakness came out, it did.  It showed itself and it exists.  

And the only way to eliminate weakness is to get stronger.  “HOW” do we get stronger?  Well, i suppose it depends on what the weakness is.

LEAVING THE BODY.  Okay, so that’s three words.  i get it.  But these three words can easily go together.  When the pain gets out of the body, the body is left with strength.  Strength to do better, both physically and mentally.  

And in the case of domestic discipline, after a spanking, the pain is literally radiating from my ass with redness and tingling and sensitivity to the touch.

If a discipline is strong enough, the weakness will be eradicated and be replaced with strength.  Strength to do better in the future.  Strength to remember the consequences.  To CARE about the consequences.  To WANT to do better.  And to ultimately, succeed.

And…… i enjoy the process.

The process of being a better person, wife, mom, business woman, and …..submissive…. is worth the pain.  The pain forces the weakness to be gone.  To leave my body.

And what is left is strength and passion and focus on being a better person, wife, mom, business woman and submissive.

i don’t think i’ll ever ‘graduate’ to being able to NOT have earned spankings.  i think there will always be weaknesses that need to be forced out.  i think there will always be a need to reinforce the process of doing good and being the best submissive wife possible.

But i do enjoy the process!

But why spankings and doesn’t it hurt?  and so why submit?

The theory behind all of the above is SO addictive.  But the ACTUALITY of the pain being inflicted by Sir is NOT.  i do NOT look forward to spankings.  i do not cherish the pain.  i do not WANT the pain.

But – when i commit wrong, inappropriate, disrespectful or unacceptable actions, they deserve to be rectified and i deserve to receive the consequences thereof.

Before DD – Sir and i would just get in a fight and ultimately agree to disagree or even have a silent treatment toward one another.

But post DD – Sir has a way to eliminate this undesirable behavior.  And frankly, i don’t LIKE being disrespectful.  It is just rude.  And so now, we have a productive way to deal with that.

So yes, i submit my body and specifically my ass as a submissive way of showing that i deserve discipline and i want to have “PAIN AND THE WEAKNESS LEAVE MY BODY”

Final words:    Yes, it hurts.  Yes, it is pain.  NO, i do NOT look forward to it.

But i do enjoy the weakness leaving my body and i welcome Sir teaching me how best to treat him and his place in our house through productive means.

So THAT is why i think this quote is SO appropriate …….and why i welcome being a submissive to my David ……. and am welcoming of domestic discipline……offering up (literally, up in the air) of my naked ass and being subjected to PAIN through Spankings.

i welcome it all and i welcome the opportunity to feel PAIN LEAVING MY BODY.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

2 – WHY Domestic Discipline?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. No Comments on 2 – WHY Domestic Discipline?

So there are a lot of questions that could be asked – what, when, why, how, where – but the one that I think most people would want answered is WHY.

WHY did I CHOSE Domestic Discipline (DD)?  

First off, i want you know, that I DID CHOSE DD.  I was not forced into it.  In fact, if anyone was forced (but of course I like to think ‘encouraged’  was my husband).  I have been talking about being spanked, enjoying being spanked, “why don’t you spank me?”, and “how about i hand you the paddle and bend over and you spank me” for a long time now.  I don’t remember when i first started talking about it, but its probably been over a year ago at this point.

Second, i RESPECT my husband.  But i don’t always show it (at all… let alone properly).  And i decided i wanted to change that.  I tried on my own, but i kept falling short and into old patterns.  It didn’t seem to matter, he didn’t notice, what was the big deal, i am ‘right’ anyway, and enabling myself to justify my actions and behaviors.

I thought about how if our child (who knows nothing of our DD life) were to talk back to me, what would I do? That is disrespect and needs to be corrected.  How would i correct?  Punishment.  Now i was never good at spanking our son, and now he’s too old for that, but punishment of some kind  is in order.  Or else how would he ever learn to control his tongue, temper, or actions?

The question is though, what does “Respect” mean.  And how does one go about showing it to another person.

Well, the bible says women are to SUBMIT and OBEY their husbands.  I kind of realized that it is the ‘submission’ part of the BDSM porn that always always attracted me.    And recently i was searching the internet for words like “submission” and “submissive wife” that i came across DD.  I’d never heard of it before, but the more i read, the more i realized THAT is what i want!

Third – by showing respect, I am humbled.  I am brought back to what God wanted women to do and who He wanted us to be!  I wanted to show respect and honor to my husband, as Head of House and Family, in the way that God had intended.  And the best way to do that, was to SUBMIT to him.

And when I found that DD is literally, just that, submitting to your spouse and recognizing his authority, and enabling him to be the person that God wanted him to be too – i knew i was “IN”.

Yes, that does include discipline.  And quite often that could be in the form of a red, bruised, and blistered ass.  But so be it.  Rules have been established, Respect is required, and disobedience is not tolerated.  It’s simple.

So – Domestic Discipline – works!

And that’s WHY I chose it!

Would you chose it?

Hugs,

Marie