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284 – The Chastity Belt Logistics

Written by Marie on . Posted in Chastity Belt. 23 Comments on 284 – The Chastity Belt Logistics

This chastity belt below is the belt that i currently wear. It’s cute. It works. But I’m really more excited about the fancy one I’m waiting for – the fancy stainless steel chastity belt I have on order.

chastity belt i wear

And this picture below is of the Fancy steel Chastity Belt… the more durable/permanent one i have on order. This one’s made to order, fits to several specific measurements, and is generally a much higher-quality chastity belt. However – it’s an investment. Luckily, i found this less expensive and still perfectly good chastity belt that gave the belt and i the chance to get to know one another before deciding to make the bigger investment on a high-quality fitted belt.


It is substantially the same in style, but made and personalized to fit my specific measurements.

At Matthew’s request (thanks again for inquiring), i am going to write about ….. all the logistics of wearing my chastity belt, including how it fits, how much comfort it is, and especially hygiene.

i never really have written about this as i didn’t think anyone would care to read it. And for myself, even when i don’t think you may care, i write about stuff that i may want to look back and reflect upon, which usually entails my feelings or opinions about something at that time, rather than logistical things such as this. But since Matthew asked… i must be wrong and well…. here goes.

Overall

When i wear the Chastity Belt, it starts to feel a part of me. i have thought about whether it is more of something that i put on, like underwear or is it more of something that is attached to me, like say hair. Wearing a g-string or thong pair of panties is what it looks and feels like, albeit my chastity belt is bigger and made of hard metal not soft cotton (or whatever). But when it is locked on and especially when i do not have the key, it starts to resemble something more of like the hair on my head that is attached but (somewhat) still separate too.

i haven’t been able to definitively say whether i think the chastity belt is more like panties or like hair, as it resembles both in different ways and at different times.

i will also say that i have a love/hate relationship with it. When i don’t wear it for awhile, i miss it. But when i have to wear it nonstop (like this recent week), i want to be rid of it. It’s probably like the saying that Shakespeare is credited with of “too much of a good thing can get harmful.” While the chastity belt isn’t exactly “harmful,” i only really want to wear it in small doses too. But that’s all about to change.. more on that later.

So without further ado ….

Purpose – why do I wear a chastity belt?

i want to explain WHY i asked my husband permission to wear a chastity belt in the first place. (YES, i asked!)

David never really wanted me to have or wear a belt. It was my idea. While he’s now come around and sees the benefits of it, he was initially disgusted and annoyed that i had little to no self-control. He didn’t think a “crutch” should be needed to help me be compliant and to follow the rule of: NO TOUCHING AND/OR NO ORGASM WITHOUT PERMISSION.

He wanted me to have better self control. And while it did improve, it wasn’t great. i still snuck into our bedroom or closet or even in the bathroom and rubbed one out. Then i felt guilty. Then i told him. Then i got punished. Then the real pain set in…. of seeing his disappointment… this caused sadness. And i went down an emotional negative roller coaster of not being enough, self degradation of “why can’t i just do as I am expected to?”, and “why can’t i be good”…… Then i would promise to do better.

And i would repeat the bad behavior. Albeit usually “less.” While the bad behavior lessened, it still happened, especially when he was out of town for any period of time.

That was when i asked for a chastity belt. If you can’t prevent bad behavior from using after-the-fact discipline, maybe you can prevent the bad behavior from happening before-the-fact. If it’s literally prevented from happening at all, the disappointment, frustration, guilt, sadness, inadequacies and discipline can ALL be avoided! Which leaves only joy and happiness when the belt comes off and when Sir’s touch (hands tongue, or cock) comes together with my pussy.

At least that was my thought anyway. While David disagreed and said i should have better mental staying power, i didn’t. And he eventually conceded to allow it. Now after getting the belt, he actually agrees (more) and sees the benefits too. (But he stills wants me to have better self control too.)

We had previously (jointly) decided that i would only orgasm with his permission or at his doing. i would not touch myself or have orgasms otherwise. Ever.

We had decided this and put the rule in place because over all the years of our marriage, like anyone who masturbates, i had perfected it. To the point, i didn’t care much to have him get me off in any form or fashion. That was bad as then i didn’t care to have sexual relations of any kind with him. Or when i did, i was of the mindset, “can you just hurry up and finish yourself so i can finish myself the way i like?” And regularly, i didn’t want to have sex with him at all because he wasn’t my “preferred lover.” In a sense, you could say i was cheating on him with myself.

That had to change. i knew it. He knew it. So with D/s, this was one of the first things we set out to improve. Our sex life. Now… He gives me a LOT of orgasms. While i am not allowed to do it of my own accord, i don’t lack for satisfaction either. In addition, i now look forward to seeing him, loving on him, dressing sexy for him, and … having orgasms by his hand or cock or tongue. (Okay, i am getting wet as i write that! THAT would never have happened before!)

How my chastity belt fits

It’s probably worthwhile to speak on this as it goes a long way to explaining the rest of things below also.

The belt fits snuggly on my hips and even more so between my legs to cover my crotch. Overall though it’s neither tight nor is it lose, but snug. Very snug!

Similar to say a fitted pair of jeans, that’s about how the chastity belt fits too. Snug and firmly touching my body, but not restrictive nor causing pain and difficulty walking/talking/ or breathing either.

Fitted jeans are snug on almost every part of your body where it touches from your waist all the way down to your ankles. If you put your shoes on first, you likely couldn’t get your jeans on second and would end up needing to take your shoes off and starting over. Similarly fitted jeans —- and a CB — are fitted.

Starting with the waistband, it fits snugly enough to not move (much), but not so tight that anything feels smashed in. i have no issues with breathing or any internal problems (like my intestines working to create waste and feces). In other words: i have no pain from the chastity belt.

The waist band part of my chastity belt is similar to wearing any other belt on your waistline where i can stick my finger between the belt and my waist. i can’t get two fingers in there without sucking in my breath and my waistline, and of course, even if i do that it would be a short lived event when i breath again!

In the crotch area, it fits even more snuggly than the waist. It needs to be a bit tighter there for two reasons: 1) to restrict access, and 2) to not rub or chafe.

When i first got it, i had it a bit too lose there. (Yes, the chastity belt is adjustable with a screw driver and Allen wrench). And it chafed the upper inside part of my thighs. The part RIGHT where your thigh and outer sides of your labia/pussy can touch. When i tightened the belt, the chafing stopped as it was held in place and was not able to move or slip around as i walk. It felt a lot better being tighter than loser, believe it or not.

So all in all, my chastity belt is fitted tightly, but not too tightly, to do its job but not restrict me from walking-talking-breathing or any other similar activity. i have found it’s easy to exercise in it too. While i don’t do real strenuous or difficult exercises, i can walk and run in it without issue. And i have and do these things without problems while in the belt.

Unlike a pair of fitted jeans, if my chastity belt was not fitted it would not do its job. That job being to restrict access to my pussy by me or anyone else for penetration and/or masturbation. Because i have never achieved orgasm without being touched with something on or in my pussy, it forces abstinence also.

Access

Now that said, can i still touch myself?? Yes. But only a little bit. Not enough to break the rules either. Let me explain.

When i stretch my legs wideeeeee open while squatting down, like say a sumo wrestler, i can put one finger inside the waist band and press it outward, where i can then manage to get a finger from my other hand under the chastityt belt crotch band and touch my pussy.

My finger can only touch the left side only, and then i can repeat it for the right side. This is NOT a comfortable position (and not enough touch/sensation to even want to try to get myself to orgasm) but it IS useful to be able to clean myself. (More on the cleaning part below.)

But. My finger is wedged in there, my legs are as wide as i can possibly make them and i am standing in a squatting position. Not to mention, my finger still gets caught up in my labia lips (as there just isn’t a lot of room) and not truly all the way to my pussy hole.

i have tried pressing my finger further inward, and it (very painfully) pinched my labia lips as it folded over on itself and the outer edge of my finger scrapped against the inside of the metal CB, taking a slight layer of skin off my finger. It was like a carpet burn for several days and less than comfortable! i stopped that motion and never tried it again!

The chastity belt is comfortable

Just like thong underwear or hair on my head don’t hurt, neither does the CB.

Of course, sometimes our clothing needs adjustments as we wear it through the day. As i walk and/or sit, the belt slips around just a tiny bit.

While i am clearly not a man, i have been told that men’s balls sometimes get caught in the folds of their pants as they sit down. So they learn to pull up their pants at the crotch area to give a bit of slack as they sit and more room for their balls to fit nicely into that spot. So sitting in the chastity belt has done the same for me. As i sit, i have learned to pull up on the pants, press on the front of the CB and to move slowly. This gives room for the CB to ensure it slides into a comfortable position as I end at the waist, so that my labia lips don’t get pinched inside the CB. This took awhile to learn, but now i can do it seamlessly.

Just like panties, at some point the feeling and awareness of having them on dissipates, so is the same for my belt. Like right now, as i type this, there is just one spot (probably only a single inch of it) on the waistband that must be a bit tight in the way i am sitting that i can feel. Otherwise, i can’t “feel” it despite it being in constant contact with my body. It is truly comfortable in that way.

i honestly like feeling a bit uncomfortable in it though too. Like the single inch i am aware of on the waistband at the moment that i can feel, keeps my mind in the here and now. It reminds me i DO have it on and i have it on for a reason.

So sometimes it is slightly uncomfortable too, but i actually think that’s a good thing. It’s not so uncomfortable that it hurts, but only so much that i am aware of its existence. And it makes me mentally reminded who i submit to and why! (And yearn to be allowed release from the CB and be allowed an orgasmic release too!)

Bathroom

i suspect this is the part you really care about and i wouldn’t be surprised if you skipped ahead to read just this alone! That’s cool.

When i have access to the key, i just take the belt off for bathroom breaks as that’s much easier and simpler. Realistically though, having the key sort of defeats the purpose of having the CB which is to restrict access. While wearing the CB at anytime does make access more challenging and even front of mind, when i have the key i could take it off and play with myself … or let someone else play with me …. anytime i truly wanted. So i ultimately prefer to NOT have the key!

And when i have to use the bathroom with the belt on, i manage just fine but it is more of a process too.

TO URINATE i sit down, spread my legs wide where one leg is literally on each side of the toilet bowl. Then i put my one finger inside the very top of the belt to press it slightly forward giving a bit of extra “space” down there, and release the urine.A close up of the shield and the urine holes on the belt i currently wear.

Because there are holes in the front shield that covers my pussy, most of the urine comes out the holes, but some urine does also come out the sides too. That’s why i sit with legs very wide open, to allow that urine the space to drip out too.This is what the shield looks like on the Fancy Steel belt too. As you can see, the holes allow for easy urination to flow right through.

But some urine does get trapped inside the belt. This is where, if i am home, i have a water bottle beside the toilet that i use to squirt water down inside the belt and onto my puss. (Man is that some cold water too!). The added water forces the remaining urine to be washed out.

This is also where wiping becomes extra important and a bit of challenge too. First i wipe all along the left/right edges. Then i take another bit of toilet paper and press it inside and under the belt on either side. (Remember above when i said i can press a single finger on either side but it’s not enough to get past my labia lips and pleasure myself…..) This is where that small bit of space isn’t big enough to get my fingers really inside the belt, but paper is thinner and can effectively be pressed deeper between my pussy and the CB. i repeat this on both sides.

Lastly, i swipe the outer edges of the belt itself, in case any urine is lingering on the outside. This is the same as i would swipe my pussy if i was not wearing the belt.

Finally. When i am at home, i go and stand in front of our floor length fan in the bedroom, with my legs spread wide to allow the fan to air dry myself even further. This helps to ensure i truly get dry, which will prevent any yeast infections from happening but also to just get things all dry to not drip too.

All of this is a process for sure which is why i would prefer to NOT urinate in the chastity belt, but it happens. i have learned better bladder control now and i can hold it longer. (Not so long i could end up with a bladder infection, but i have strengthened my bladder muscles too. That’s a good thing!)

TO HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT is actually easier than urination, believe it or not! The belt has a metal circle ring in the back that is about 2’ish inches wide and long. i haven’t measured it exactly but that’s my guesstimation.

When i sit down on the toilet, similar to urinating, i open my legs wide where one leg is on either side of the bowl. i pull each butt cheek “apart.” This lets the belt’s metal hole get really wedged into my butt cheeks. This serves to line up the chastity belt hole RIGHT up against my anal hole. Plus, the belt effectively holds my butt cheeks open too.

i then stick a finger down to my anal hole to ensure it truly is aligned with the CB hole. It always is though but i like to be sure too.

And i poop. The same as always. To date, i have never NOT hit the hole. i have never had a mess or problem with the belt getting filthy at all. i honestly think missing the hole would be quite difficult actually as the hole is rather big.

And because the hole is big enough for the poop to pass through, as you can imagine, it’s big enough to wipe pretty well also. As well, with the CB hole wedged between my butt cheeks, the leftover poop is JUST on my anus hole and not on my butt cheeks or the CB. It just works well.

Showering

Showering is super easy. It’s substantially the same as always but … with my belt on. i know that sounds like i am being cheeky, but it isn’t intended to be.

Because the chastity belt is metal, it is water proof so water is of no consequence.

The lock used on the belt that i currently wear is not water proof, so i cover it up to take a shower. If it were to get wet and not be dried off, it would eventually rust. The snack-size ziplock bags work really well for this but of course, any covering works. And if i were to forget to cover it, as long as i dry it off, it should be fine.

When i get to washing my puss and anal hole, i lather soap into my hand and assume the sumo-wrestler position mentioned above. And i press one finger inward under the belt, while the other hand holds it outward from the waist hand as much as possible. And repeat on the other side. And then repeat to wipe all around the belt edges around my waist too.

Then to rinse, i take down the shower head, as it is a removable head, and i put the water right up onto my pussy. Just as the urine comes out of the holes on the front of the shield, the water (and soap) goes in and out as i move the shower head all around too.

i won’t lie, this tends to significantly arouse me, as the water is warm, super soft, touching my pussy. It’s the only stimulation my pussy gets, but it loves it too! In addition to being sit,usages, i generally become frustrated too, as i can’t ever get to orgasm with just edging from the water!

Sleeping with a chastity belt

Sleeping the first few nights was a challenge, but now is easy. the only reason it was a challenge was that my mind wouldn’t settle down. It was something new and at first i worried about the safety of doing it, but then i was just turned on and had to ignore it.

It isn’t really hard to get comfortable at all, since the CB is generally comfortable anyway. Now, it is what it is and it’s just no-big-deal.

The ability to hide my chastity belt under my clothes

I have literally worn every-single-thing in my wardrobe exact,y the same as i always do without a single issue!

No one can see anything, including myself.

That’s likely because the CB is fitted so closely to my body, and it is super thin, that you just can’t see it.

Ability to orgasm

In a nutshell: i can’t!

i can’t touch myself “enough” with the CB on to be successful to masturbate or orgasm. i can’t get anything (other than water) inside the holes, and that’s not enough either.

Mental

And WHY exactly do we want all this? Because it forces me to rely solely upon my husband for my sexual happiness and joy. It forces me to be keenly aware of who is in charge and who has control. It gives him mental and physical power over me.

The chastity belt creates a position of being MORE than just speaking the words, “i am your submissive wife and you are my Dominant in control.”

We talk more, we spend more time together, and we are more connected.

And…. i am able to eliminate all the negativity around “trying to be good and follow he rules,” while failing to have self control.

It literally gives him the key to (my heart and) my sex…. Which is entirely his to use or not… Which he does…. Which makes us both very happy.

This is working well for us.

So now you know. Now maybe you see that wearing the chastity belt is not terribly difficult to navigate but does require some changes to hygiene patterns. But clearly not impossible at all either. My hygiene is not compromised at all. And “if” it ever becomes an issue, i will “call red” and get out of the belt to get healthy again too.

My Sir loves and respects me, as i him.

While wearing the chastity belt is nowhere near a “normal activity,” for most women, this is a good thing for us. And i am happy about this.

Hugs,

Marie

283 – “Your shoes aren’t a symbol”

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 283 – “Your shoes aren’t a symbol”

^^^^^ THAT was my conversation earlier tonight with my Sir. About my Chastity belt. And me wanting to have the key to take it off.

i won’t lie, i basically threw a temper tantrum today. i wanted the belt off. i lost. The belt is still on.

Sir won.

Officially he should always win. Unofficially it doesn’t always happen. Today it did happen.

Yes, today…. SIR WON! i know i already said that, but it was worth repeating.

i even looked for the key in all the areas i thought it would be. i really wasn’t sure as i looked if:

1) i was going to be able to find it,

2) if i did find it, would i actually use it,

3) if i wouldn’t use it, why was i looking.

i stopped looking. i don’t think i do want to find it. And it was not in any of those usual or expected places anyway.

Sir hid it well. He won there too.

He’s right in that the belt isn’t uncomfortable really, just getting (more and more) annoying. The way keeping my shoes on when i get home is annoying. But he is right, my shoes are not a symbol. The chastity belt is.

The chastity belt represents a literal and real power exchange. A total power exchange that i have willing done without regret. i would do it again too.

i completely trust my Sir and i give him my all. Until i want the belt off. Until i want to take back the control but to which he does not allow.

i am glad he has not succumbed to my wishes.

In the end, i do NOT want to be in charge and i am glad Sir is. Just sometimes, i want to win. Like today when i have wanted the belt off.

He’s home tomorrow at about this time (7p) but now (based on his comments above), i am unsure if the belt will even come off then.

This is good for me in the end. This total power exchange reminds me of how small i am and how small i should remain.

i write all this while sitting on the couch, in my chastity belt. i have given up asking for it to come off and will submit the way i should. Hopefully anyway! And if i don’t, i suspect i will still be in my belt but then ALSO have a red ass to go with it!

(And did you see the part about my fiction story? i am working on another one. Maybe tonight yet … or tomorrow. Will see.)

Hugs,

Marie

282 – Back in Belt; Control is not mine

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 282 – Back in Belt; Control is not mine

David went to Florida for work today through Wednesday night for work. Again, he’s traveling. He has had to travel a lot lately.

His travel goes in streaks and this is one of them. i hate it, but of course, i can’t change it. i think he’s okay with it though. He rather likes traveling overall, which works well for someone who has to do it a lot like he has had to lately.

He left at 5am this morning, on Monday and he returns at 8pm on Wednesday night. A total of nearly 60-hours.

And this time, like many of the previous times David is out of town, i am back in my chastity belt.

This time, unlike some of the other previous times, i do NOT have the key.

i have no idea where it is, other than, “in our house,” which isn’t enough to be able to find it.

i don’t have the key because i needed to have some control taken away. In short, i had a privilege taken away.

As of late, we haven’t totally been on-point. We haven’t been totally off-point either. But, like anything not totally cared for properly, it starts to deteriorate. David hasn’t done maintenance spankings in awhile now, and i think he should have but i haven’t told him that. Instead, i have slowly and unintentionally become a bossy-little-brat-wife.

That led up to David getting so mad on Saturday he yelled at me. i probably deserved (some) of it, but some of it, i did not. When he yelled at me, i got incredibly angry. But. i didn’t say a word. Not-A-Single-Word!

In the past, when he’d get mad and yell, i would yell back. But now, i do not. While i could speak my concerns, “speak” is the key word. And because i was ANGRY i knew there was no way i would speak!

At the end of his yelling, he told me if i had a lot more to say (my mouth was what got me in trouble in the first place!) about the topic, i could walk home. You have NO idea just how close i was to doing it! Talking AND walking.

In the past, i would have challenged his words and called his bluff. i would have demanded to get out of the car and started walking. The dumb thing is that would only hurt myself and does nothing for or to him. And in the D/s world i live in now, Sir would actually let me out and i would be walking. Maybe not the entire way, but enough to wish i hadn’t been so stupid too. Because now, David (almost always) says what he means and means what he says.

So i sat in the vehicle in silence. Complete silence.

After about 10’ish minutes he asked me, “are you good?”

i wasn’t entirely sure i was, but i said i was. After i said that and thought about it more, i started to tell him i was NOT ok. But what was i going to say after that, that would make any difference whatsoever. i asked myself, “What can be said that would make a positive difference? What can i say that would end well?”

i couldn’t think of a single thing.

i also couldn’t think of a logical answer to the questions, “if you weren’t ok, then WHY did you say you were? Did you lie to me??”

So i continued to be silent.

After a bit of more silence, i really did become “ok.” And we began the trek to both being back to normal. Not long thereafter, we were indeed ok.

Yesterday (Sunday) when i was talking with David, i asked him why he got so mad and why he yelled at me. i also asked him why he allowed it to get that bad. His answer was simple, “laziness.”

Now today he went out of town and said he was hiding the key because control was something i had a little too much of lately and we needed to get him (not me) back into the proper position of control he so rightfully deserves.

i was a-ok with that. The belt went on, the lock snapped shut, and the key laid in his hand and then it went away.

Shortly thereafter Sir leaned in, kissed me goodbye, and he left.

It took all of an hour and i was ready to be out. Not because i needed it, but because i wanted it.

i wanted the control back. But i shouldn’t have it and it’s good that i don’t. This is good for both of us.

60-total-hours and counting.

Hugs,

Marie

279 – “You are in charge”

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On a whim, we decided to drive up to see our son at his University. It’s Saturday and we didn’t have anything else planned, and neither did our son. We left early, spent the day, and i wrote this now as we are in the car heading home. His University is a 2 1/2 hour drive each way. Not too far, but not too close either.

We are making this trip all in one day.

Our son was happy to see us and we had a good family day. Our son (like most men), wouldn’t actually have admitted that he was lonely and missing us, but as his Momma, i could tell from the way he was talking to me that he was.

We had a good day. My heart is feeling full! (Although almost as instantly, as we leave to go home, a part of me is missing again and i wish i didn’t have to leave him there too! So maybe my heart isn’t “quite” full!!)

Our son really has NO idea of our D/s dynamic at all, which is by design. i suppose he knows i defer to Dad and Dad’s decisions, but he has NO idea of our discipline factor. While in my opinion, it’s good that he knows Dad is in charge and i defer to Dad, our son does NOT need to have a full account of what happens if or when i do NOT properly defer. In other words, our son doesn’t know Dad spanks me.

It’s hard to explain domestic discipline (DD) to grown adults, let alone to an 18-year old kid! i suspect our son would never understand or believe that i truly do consent to being spanked and that this is NOT some warped version of some sort of wife-beating.

David and i tend to have covert comments between us, said in front of our son, that if our son thought about it too much he might figure things out. But i highly doubt it.

As we didn’t have a plan for exactly what we would do, David said early this morning (after we were with our son), “you are in charge today. You can decide what we do.”

Then as i said, “ok Dad, next thing we are going to do is xyz. Let’s go!” David then said, “you are bossy today!”

And i said, “you said i was in charge.”

To which David responded back, “yes, but you can say things in a kinder tone.”

“Why do i need to? If i am in charge….”

“Well, you can do what you want, and use your power the way you see fit, but you may regret that later too.”

Ok, i hear you Sir. i can make decisions but still need to tone it down.

And some time later i heard, “you may have forgotten that you ought to speak a little kinder.”

Another warning. i heeded the warnings and this time, i did tone it down.

i don’t mean to get bossy. i just hate standing around going, “what do you think?”

And then hearing, “I don’t know. What do you think?”

To be followed by, “yah, I’m flexible and I don’t care.”

“And I don’t either.”

“So what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know”

STOP. I WILL DECIDE! This is stupid to go back and forth without moving forward in any way whatsoever!

And that’s when i tend to get bossy.

In my opinion, if you want to be in charge, and make the decisions, i will let you do it every time.

BUT.

When you put me in charge and you don’t want to make decisions…. Then “being bossy” comes with the territory! It’s what you was implied when you said “You are in charge.” To me, that means “you need to decide and just tell us what we need to do.” Aka: bossy!

So. Yes. i got bossy. But not because i necessarily intended to, but instead because of the authority was given to me.

Needless to say, i did manage to simmer down and find a “nice” way to give directions. And we had a great family-together-Saturday today.

i won’t be spanked or disciplined in any way for my bossiness. Yah for me! And we now travel home to see what tomorrow and the coming week holds.

(And i am mostly full of happiness, love, and joy…. But i have to say “mostly” because i had to leave my son behind. i wonder if this leaving part ever gets easier!)

Now i have to sit and stare out of the car front windshield for another 2-hours til we are home…. And to NOT dwell on missing my son already or that my bossy day has come to an end.

Hugs,

Marie

274 – Locktober, Sir’s way.

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 274 – Locktober, Sir’s way.

On Sunday, after we arrived back home from visiting our son, David spared me the spanking. i assumed my fate was sealed, but i was wrong. Thank heaven!

MOST of the time, i crave consistency. i need to know that what he says, he means AND what he means, he says. But this was one time that i really had NO desire to be punished. i mean, i would’ve accepted it, but i didn’t think a punishment was exactly warranted. i was trying to make progress with a bunch of noncommittal people, and i responded with annoyance to David’s questions. (Okay, so when i summarize the whole event like this, it does feel like i needed to be punished. Hmm.).

Well, i wasn’t punished. And i was very grateful.

Instead, we had every desire to relax and enjoy the evening. That’s what we did too. We watched tv for awhile, then went to our bed where David played with me and gave me 2-orgasms. Then he said i could play with myself as much as i wanted. i was shocked. i can’t remember a time where he allowed that!

But after a long weekend AND 2-orgasms already, i was relaxed, comfortable, and getting tired. Of course, i did orgasm one more time though too! (Wink wink!)

There was a time where masturbating right beside David while he read his book would’ve been weird for me. Now, i love it. i have learned to have an open mind, body, and soul for him. What’s mine is his, including the right to see me pleasure myself. And make no mistake, even though he was reading his book, he was also watching me! And i know he enjoyed watching and i enjoyed knowing he was watching too.

It wasn’t long afterward and we fell asleep. i sleep naked. David does not. While i am available to him at all times, he’s not always available to me. That’s ok by me too. In fact, in a very tangible way, it establishes that he is entitled to do as he pleases and i am entitled to also do (only) as he pleases too. Not only do i accept that, but it turns me on. i like submitting and being his in every way.

Then came the morning. i showered and started to dress when the directive came to lock it up.

David was going to play golf and because i had opted to work from home, he didn’t want me home alone to sit and play with myself anymore. It was “time to start Locktober anyway.”

So the chastity belt went on, the lock went shut, and the key went away.

That is how my Monday started. That evening, i (jokingly) asked David if he wanted to produce the key and he said, “uh, no.” with a “that was a dumb question” kinda tone.

Then he added, “you don’t need out yet. You don’t need to orgasm and it’s not the end of October.”

i won’t lie, i like wearing the belt when it’s MY idea and i am my own key holder. As in, i can get out anytime i want. Not too big a fan when i have zero control. But i am learning to accept it with mixed emotions. i WANT to accept it as a submissive wife, but the stubborn independent woman i can be does not like this one bit.

It’s not that i needed out. It was that i had the choice taken away. And while this is exactly how it should be, i didn’t like it. Wisely though, i said nothing out loud.

He reached his hand down between my legs and felt the belt. Sir said, “I could cut myself on those sharp groves. No orgasm for you! I best move my hand away before I hurt myself.” And he started to laugh.

The belt has holes where urine can pass but it is a jagged edge there, on purpose, to avoid any attempts to do anything more. Even though if you wanted to try something, the holes aren’t big enough anyway. Still. Getting a finger caught on the jagged edge would be painful for sure.

i was let out on Tuesday morning to go walking and shower. As soon as that was done, i asked Sir, “should i assume the belt goes back on unless told otherwise?”

i fully expected to hear another response like this was a dumb question and the words, “yes, of course it goes back on,” but to my surprise he said, “No, leave it off.”

i didn’t understand and i wasn’t sure how i felt about it. It felt like a privilege to be out, but also somehow “against the rules” (of Locktober.). And yes, of course i realize how contradictory i am being. First i didn’t want in, and not i don’t want out. i guess most of my issue is about the lack of control…. Physically AND mentally. i have no ability to control the lock on the belt anymore than i can control my anticipation about it also. i can’t even plan for in belt or out of belt.

That’s when i realized David makes his own rules and those are the ones that i follow and that’s the rules that matter! i need to adjust my thinking to just accept his authority and decisions as they come and be prepared for whatever decision he makes at that time, instead of trying to control anything at all, including my mindset.

Not much else was said the rest of Tuesday about the belt, Locktober, or orgasms. Tuesday was uneventful and almost disappointing.

Until this morning when David told me he is going out of town from Thursday (tomorrow) to Sunday, and he fully intends to lock me up. Oh wow. i have not been locked for 4-consecutive days and nights without a break at all.

Now you’d think that this wouldn’t be a big deal. i only last week tried to talk David into the whole month of October, so how is 4-days a big deal?! (Not to mention the fact he is telling me 24-hours in advance, so i have plenty of time to adjust my mindset!). Well….. it shouldn’t be.

But it is.

It is because i had “negotiated” that i could be out for showers and walks and he had said he liked to see me orgasm, so i wouldn’t (probably) be locked in for extended periods. But now, i will be.

While i was processing this, i went to work. i decided to text David, “so do you think i can go the duration without begging to be out of the belt?”

“Nope!”

“Will you give me the key then?”

“Maybe. Depends on what you say is the reason for needing it.”

i continued to ask questions. “What if it’s just because i am cranky and want out, so i want the key?”

“Really?”

“Okay, so i should assume that would be a no?”

“Correct.”

And i continued further…. “What if i get so cranky that i just start to bug the crap out of you to give me the key?”

“Then you’ll regret pissing me off like that.”

Okay, so i should have stopped but i didn’t. “What if i just don’t fully lock the lock? You never check. You just believe me that i did it.”

“Sounds like you are testing me. If I have to lock the lock myself before I leave, I will. But do I have reason to believe you’ll lie to me?!”

“No Sir. i haven’t lied. But i could…. OR …. Instead of being deceitful, i could just refuse to be in the belt and locked up altogether.”

“You could. But you won’t.”

“What makes you so sure i won’t refuse??”

“Because the alternatives to NOT being locked up while I’m gone are probably worse than being locked up.”

“You wouldn’t be that mean to me, Sir. Would you??”

“Wanna try me?”

“Hmm. No Sir. Probably not a wise move on my part.”

“First smart thing you’ve said in most of this conversation. Either way, tomorrow morning, you have a choice to make now… get locked in by me where I’ll check the lock myself, or face the alternative consequences.”

Locktober may not be a constant and consecutive 31-days, but one thing is for sure, i have to learn to cope without having the key or control better! And be prepared for 4-consecutive days about to commence in chastity.

Off to enjoy my last free night for awhile.

Hugs,

Marie