i did it. i made David mad today. i didn’t mean to. It just happened.
He was out of town for 24-hours .. yesterday left, home today. This morning he texted me good morning and i reciprocated. Then he asked me if i was excited about my “new toy” arriving today.
i got an email yesterday that FINALLY the new chastity belt was to be delivered today. i ordered it on July 10, and finally on December 15 it was to arrive. FIVE months in the making, Their website says “due to COVID supply chain issues, please allow 1-3 months for delivery.” And today was the day it FiNaLlY was scheduled to arrive.
Well. i was excited…..But not to have a “new toy” arrive. i felt like he was insulting me, or making fun of me, or something like that.
i suddenly thought, “this is all just a big game to him. And when he’s tired of playing it, he gets lax. And when he wants to play again, he goes 100% all in.”
And, in my own mind at least, it suddenly made sense to me that he doesn’t LIKE this dynamic and (probably) only does it to make me happy and satisfy my needs. While i should be happy he wants to please me and make me happy, at least some of the time, it makes me UNhappy to think he ONLY does it (“it” being Dominant) to make ME happy.
Suddenly i couldn’t decide if i was sad, hurt, mad, confused, or what! Maybe hurt is best. i couldn’t believe i have been so stupid for so long now and not known or realized he thinks this is all just one big game.
So.
i asked him. About how serious he is about our dynamic.
But.
Not quite that simple either. If it had been, i probably wouldn’t have made him mad.
What i wrote was…..
I guess it may be a “toy” but I think of it as more than that. I think of it as a better way of life and marriage. I think the same about the paddle, cane, and crop.And even my collars.
And i then also wrote…..
I think if you thought of them as your tool(s), instead of my toys(s), things would be that much better.
THAT was when he responded back.
“Fuck you.”
Ahh crap. This isn’t how i should have done this at all.
And i immediately apologized. But. The damage was done.
i genuinely didn’t mean to cause a fight. i thought by leading with “I think” it would be how I THINK. But he took it as, “you should think” which was me telling him what to think or what to do.
That’s when i said…
I genuinely did NOT Intend to make you mad. I was very shocked to see your response. I’m sorry.
If you don’t like being Dominant, or using my toys, then just tell me so. That’s understandable. I just get confused when sometimes you are and sometimes you aren’t, and I just don’t know.
I’m sorry.
To which he didn’t respond for several hours. And when he did, there was nothing about any of this. That moment, along with the anger and any other emotion, had passed. It was as if it never happened at all.
When i got home, i found the package on my bed. i had actually forgotten about the delivery until I saw it.
i opened it up and was excited to see if it fit. And i found the lock on it is really not the right size. It’s hard to explain, but it’s a bit too tight and NOT easy to get on/off.
i decided to try to figure it out while the CB is NOT on my body and therefore not quite as hard to sort out. But then it was time for dinner and our son just got home from college today too, so i let it be. T
hat was when David asked me, “do you have it on?” And i said no, of course.
When he asked me why, i said, “because i can’t figure out the lock,” which confused him. After i showed him how it was not fitting on the belt very well, he tried it himself and agreed it wasn’t working well.
We let it go and we all went out to eat. In addition, David/i drank a bottle of wine. We enjoyed seeing our son and eating/drinking good together as a family again.
When we got home, David became determined that he would figure out the lock. He did research and found that it is a slight bit incorrectly sized and David ordered a new one on Amazon that (hopefully) will be better.
Then after he finished that, he comes in to me and says, “Don’t tell me I’m not serious about this (dynamic and being dominant) when I come home after relaxing and enjoying good wine to then spend nearly an hour researching how to get the right lock!”
So it wasn’t 100% forgotten from this morning like i had assumed.
Now i also think i exaggerated the whole situation from the morning in my head. i got myself in a tizzy for no reason, and provoked my Sir for another no good reason. over my assumption that “my toy” was a game.
i think maintaining 100% consistency about anything in life is difficult and hard to sustain. Maybe a “break” is good (for anything ) sometimes. It’s what you do after the break that matters.
Like if you work out 7-days a week, you’ll eventually burn out. You need a break, as long as you get back out there and go to it again. Same thing with a diet. You can’t live on a diet, but you can give yourself a pass sometimes to eat the dessert (or the glass of wine) and enjoy it.
So maybe David needs a break sometimes. i may well need a break sometimes too actually.
And maybe he didn’t think of the new CB as “my toy” at all. Maybe he was just messing with me and texting that way to be fun and cut up. Who knows! What i do know is that he’s right… if he didn’t care or want to use “my toys” as “his tools” he wouldn’t have spent an hour figuring out the lock!
Maybe in his toolbox is a lot of physical “tools” but maybe some ones that are mental too. Maybe i need to get out of my own head already.
Won’t lie though,., i’m hoping (praying really!) that tomorrow…. a Friday… that we have maintenance. It could do a lot of good if David were to use the Tool (aka: paddle) on my bottom.
A family wedding in Nashville (that was outdoors in 30 degree weather. Oh my!),
Thanksgiving (which was lovely and low key),
My 51st birthday (i’m not ashamed or embarrassed about admittedly my age),
Trip to see our son in college (nice weekend with him),
My firm’s Christmas party (at our house with 22-people here, David cooked amazing food for it too. i didn’t make him, he wanted to. It was his gift to us and vice versa.)
All that in the course of 4 1/2 weeks.
All that on top of getting ready for Christmas with decorating, buying and wrapping presents, and of course…. Work.
It’s been unseasonably warm in our area. It’s normally 40’s lows to maybe 60’s highs. We’ve been having 60’s for lows and 80’s for highs.
While i love the hot weather, not everyone does. It’s sooooo much easier to be sexy in warm weather clothes than cold weather clothes.
Think about it… in the cold north, a conversation probably goes like this….
Him: I want to fuck you.
Her: oh yeah Sir?! I want that too.
Her again: just give me 10-minutes.
Him (annoyed): uhm. No. Don’t tell me I have to wait! NOW!
Her: well Sir, since it’s so cold out, I have 16-layers of clothes on and have to take them all off. That’s going to take awhile.
Lol. Yeah. So. NOT sexy.
So warm weather allows me to wear tank tops or a low-cut shirt, no bra, no panties… and be undressed in no time flat.
i can also sleep naked, or be in the house naked, much easier in warm weather.
Generally speaking, i feel way more more sexy in warm weather than in cold weather.
But i would say that David has been absent in spirit lately. With so many “life things” happening, he hasn’t had the least bit of focus on me, regardless of what i have on or do not… or whether the temp is cold or warm! (Yes, i am fully aware of how selfish that sounds!)
Now that’s not to say he’s not talked to me, done (vanilla) things with me, nor has he been entirely or literally gone.
He’s just not held me accountable or maintained our Domestic Discipline dynamic. At all.
i have been trying to NOT get anxious, upset, or angry about the (perceived) neglect. i know i am loved. i know i am not ignored, forgotten, or neglected. But it feels like it to me. And sometimes what we perceive becomes our truth.
i just wish he’d hold me accountable. i just wish he’d stay the course of our dynamic. i just wish he would bent me over his knee already.
i know i need to tell him. But HOW to tell him has been problematic.
If i……
Brat…
….. Which is where i become cranky, disobedient, disrespectful, and …. Challenging, that is unbecoming. It also, usually, just makes David annoyed and/or angry.
i don’t chose to be a brat quite as literally as it may seem. It’s somewhat like having a bad day. You don’t start out saying, “hey, I want to have a bad day today.” And yet, sometimes it just happens anyway.
And to take that even further, when a bad day does happen, sometimes you think, “I am NOT going to let this continue.” And yet it just does.
So being “bad” and throwing a temper tantrum isn’t the right answer, but admittedly, i have done a bit of this. Yet David has let it go and not held me accountable.
What exactly have i done? Well…. i decided he hasn’t paid ANY attention to my puss. He doesn’t seem to care if i touch it or not. i decided to NOT shave it until he pays attention to it.
On Saturday, he decided to lay me on the bed, spread my legs, and lick me to orgasm. (Yah, i know this is paying attention to me, which is exactly what i am complaining about. But. This is the one and only sexual type interaction we’ve had in nearly 6-weeks.).
He didn’t even comment about the hair. i dared him to. He didn’t. He should have. It was annoying that he didn’t.
Top from the Bottom…
…. i’d just tell him what to do, or maybe tell him “what you should do in this situation is….”
Turn me over and spank me, like the spoiled brat that i am acting like.
Or stand me in the corner until further notice.
Or (fill in the blank)…..
But i don’t want to tell him what to do. i want him to enforce the rules, do maintenance spankings, tell me to wear the Chastity Belt, or WHATEVER…. because he wants to do it and NOT just because i am telling him to do those things.
Try talking to him…
Yes, i know. THIS is the most logical. But i am already thinking he’s just going to hear my words as Topping because i think i hear it that way already too.
i can hear the conversation now….
Me: “you aren’t holding me accountable.”
Him: “ok. We’ve been busy.”
Me: “yes, but you should….”
Okay… right there…. i am Topping from the Bottom. Telling him what he’s NOT doing and how to DO something (anything) better
Send him a link of this post…
But that’s likely just another version of Topping from The Bottom.
SUMMARY…..
i am getting increasingly annoyed and unhappy…. Which is making me cranky. Which is probably going to lead to me being a Brat… even more. Just to get his attention.
See a pattern here? See the circular reference?
Ugh.
Suggestions?
Until then… no matter hot weather or not, i will wear what i want, when i want!
We are in KY for a get away vacation together. We will be here from today through Sunday. Just the two of us.
As i knew we’d see loads of people on this trip, but absolutely no one i would ever see again, i packed some clothes that i felt would create a “moderately sexy” look. Outfits that would be a bit on the risqué side for everyday wear, but nothing that would be cause for anything other than something “super nice to look at” too.
This pic is me today. Can you see my nips? They are showing, but covertly too. i don’t wear a bra or panties any too often, and today is no exception. Today i am wearing a one piece, snap up, onesie top with David’s favorite grey fitted jeans. And one of my favorite dainty collars too.
After i was dressed this morning, David eyed me too to bottom and his words were, “THAT is sexy!” Which is all the confirmation i needed to have the confidence to wear it.
The onesie has snaps on the front from my neck to my belly button. It can be as open, or closed, as desired. It also has snaps at the crotch to hold it in place there, as well as provide for easy access, if desired. Boy do i wish i had my CB on today. After going to the bathroom, i have both of my hands in my crotch to get the snaps reattached, causing me to touch myself. And causing arousal. And making me wish i could just lock her up and not be touched! But not an option.
i wasn’t entirely sure how many snaps on the front to close… or to leave open…. so i asked Sir. His response was “Two open. For now.”
i don’t know if confidence is a quality someone is just born with, but i am certainly one who has had to grow into it. i am growing in my confidence to wear “sexy” clothes. In the past, and especially prior to D/s, i would say i have ALWAYS erred on the side of way-too-conservative. i am SO trying to change that now. i would think that if you could see the crack between my boobs, my shirt was wayyyyy tooooooo low! And if my skirt was above my knees (by more than 1-2 inches), it was way too short. In my opinion of course.
David would have much preferred to see that boob crack and more even, and he doesn’t mind having me (somewhat) on display for others to see too. Not that he has ever wanted me to be too much on display, but if others were to see me and take notice, he would take pride and so should i. He would tell me that if i have something to show (and i do!) then “let people see, stare, and wish they were me (or either of us!)”
If a man looks, he’s probably a little jealous and maybe thinking, “damn. My wife doesn’t wear those clothes.” Or maybe he’s thinking, “wonder what I’d have to do to get her to open up more of those snaps!!?!”
And if a woman were to see me, she’d probably think one of two things: 1) “You go girl! Flaunt it!” OR 2) “she’s a slut with it hanging out like that.”
Any of those responses are a-ok by David and he takes pride in the fact that i wore it, someone noticed, and (most likely) they are jealous they can’t, won’t, or don’t wear it too.
That was before i had confidence to buy sexy, low-cut clothes, let alone wear them. i don’t wear them all the time, but i wear them now more than i ever used to which was never!
This summer i bought a 2-piece bikini. Something i have not worn since i was about 6 hrs old! But David loves it and has asked me to wear it in the past several times and until this year, i never had the courage to do so.
i am definitely growing in confidence. i don’t know why i ever worried about it though. i mean truly, who cares what someone may or may not think of you? What is the worst that can happen? They think lowly of you and don’t want to be your friend. Ok…. So… what?! The only “friend” i really need is David! i’m not saying i have no other friends, but David is really the one that matters the most. And the others can come or go in the end!
Today. i am completely and fully aware of how much “more” i am showing. i am busy looking around to see if people are seeing me, and if so, trying to read their face to know what they are thinking. All the while, telling myself, “what they think does not matter! Puff out your chest and show your cleavage off with pride! The same pride David has in knowing you belong to him!” (Keeping in mind i only have two snaps undone in the first place, so not a LOT showing anyway!)
i don’t know if other people have confidence to wear anything anytime, or if this is a learned trait, or maybe some of both. What i know is that as David’s submissive, i have learned to take pride in dressing in a way that is sexy and appealing to him…. Even if it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. And that discomfort is ok.
It takes courage to do something that you might not do otherwise. But when you do it (over and over again), it becomes more and more easy to do, as it becomes more and more of a normal activity… which causes it to be less and less uncomfortable too.
As of today… for me…. i can now wear a two piece bikini without thinking twice, but a low-cut onesie top today is still uncomfortable. But i did it anyway, and have held my head high and my shoulders back! Learning to do things with confidence that pleases David is learning to be a good submissive!
I COULD END THIS HERE.
BUT…. I HAVE SOME MORE THOUGHTS……
While i suspect this will NOT happen, causing this next part to be purely fictional, this is some of the things that have swirled around in my head this morning.
As FYI….Usually my fictional stories start with something that’s happened in real life, and my mind then extrapolates to a possible/ alternative ending. And that’s my inspiration for when i write up a “fiction story.” But in all honestly, the first part of most of my fiction started with some nonfiction too!
So this next part is mostly pure fiction but based on my outfit today and started when David said to have two snaps undone, “for now.” i say “mostly” fiction because the activities we DID do today, but the conversation was not.
But his words got me thinking about the question, “when will the directive come to undo three snaps… or four…. And how will i respond or what will i think….”
So here’s what i thought about…. And again, is (mostly) pure fiction from here on…….
An hour into our day David asked me, “how many snaps are on that top anyway?”
He asked that because the very bottom snap that was visible was just above the waistband of my jeans. It gave a look that implied the snaps may continue all the way down and into my pants. They did not. And I told him that what he could see was all there were.
I could tell his mind was swirling this information around, to which I wondered what he was thinking so I asked, “Could you think out loud Sir?”
That’s when he said, “We have several activities planned today, lasting about 8 or 9 hours in total. By the end of the day, I think it would be lovely to have all 6-snaps coming open and undone.”
He continued on, “Set your alarm for 90-minutes. Every time it goes off, you’ll unsnap another one and reset the alarm.”
“By the end of the day, I should be able to see them all open and undone. I suspect I’ll enjoy the day a lot more now than I would’ve otherwise,” was his final words, which he said with a huge grin on his face too.
I asked, “But Sir, if I do that, I am sure anyone will be able to see my big boobs hanging out.”
He was still smiling and said, “okay. Yea. So what’s the problem?”
I know my Sir well enough to know that he would never do anything to get me arrested or cause harm to either of us, but that a directive is a directive. And frequently he’s told me these types of things just to see if I will trust him or not. So I just said, “Yes Sir,” and set the alarm on my phone for 90-minutes.
With that, we got in the car to head to breakfast. I wondered if the waitress, looking down at me as I sat in the booth seeing the top-down angle and into my shirt, was thinking it was too early in the morning to be seeing all that! I tried not to think about that and instead focus on my Sir’s happiness. That made me sit tall and smile big.
Soon enough, we were done with breakfast and back in the car. Usually Sir droves, but he had told me to drive so he could consult the agenda and program the locations into Google. We were in the car, getting onto the interstate, when my phone alarm sounded. The first 90-minutes had expired. I jumped at the sound and my heart started to race as I realized what it meant.
I looked over at my Sir and he smiled. He grabbed up my phone and said, “I’ll reset the timer while you reach down and open a snap. That’s the 3rd of 6, since the first 2 were already open, correct?”
I shyly responded, “Yes Sir.”
To which Sir said, “Say it with confidence my love! This is good! And this is going to make this day amazing too.”
And I unsnapped the 3rd snap, returned my hand to the wheel and said with confidence, “Yes Sir.”
We were on our way to the well known Bourbon Distillery in KY, for a tour and tasting event. We had about a 30-minute drove there and as I drove, I stole glances down at my chest. From my angle, it looked like I was nearly hanging out of my top. I’ll made sure to be keenly aware of the sides of my top to ensure I didn’t inadvertently hang out and get myself in trouble at the distillery.
We arrived just in time to get into the tour that we had previously booked. As we started out, our tour guide said we would all enjoy the next hour together learning all about how bourbon is made and ending with a tasting.
David leaned into my ear and said, “we will be ending just in time to open up another snap!”
I learned a lot about bourbon along the tour, and now we were tasting the different ones that are made on site. I don’t much care for bourbon, but David does, so I’m enjoying the experience and time with him.
And the alarm went off.
He leaned in and said, “snap #4.” Yes, I know Sir. I’m getting increasingly stressed about how much cleavage I’m showing off, but…. okay, I’ll obeyas the good submissive wife I am!
Since my phone was in my purse on the floor, I leaned down and grabbed it, reset the timer, and as I moved back to the upright position, I unsnapped #4. As I was back fully upright, David leaned in once again and said, “That’s my good girl! I’m loving the view and your obedience!”
I glanced down and was incredibly nervous about how much anyone can see now. Of course, my nipples aren’t showing but I’ll have to be careful to ensure they don’t just pop right out of my top too. I SO wish I wasn’t in this position, but maybe more so, I SO wish I just hadn’t put on this onesie in the first place. I wouldn’t be wrestling now with showing off my nips if I hadn’t wanted to show off for my Sir. But I suppose there’s something to be said that I’m making him so happy too!
Soon enough the tasting was over. Thank God we can get in the car and just be the two of us again too!
In the car, Sir said, “Time for lunch now.” And we went to a local pizza place. Great. Family atmosphere with a slutty wife on display! Can’t wait! Sarcasm at its finest. I am fighting everything in me to just re-snap all these snaps back closed, it I keep telling myself, “no one knows me or will ever see me again! Keep your Sir happy!”
And as we were back in the car, the alarm went off again. I heard Sir say, “and just like that…. #5!” He is SO proud of himself and SO testing my courage.
I spoke up, “Sir, I am really not comfortable anymore. I feel half dressed at this point. Please Sir, don’t make me undo anymore snaps. It’s still daylight even!”
I heard my Sir say, “oh now… my love… don’t disappoint me now. This is fun! Do as I ask and all will be good. I don’t want to have to spank you for disobeying now!”
And I opened snap #5. As I did, I looked over at Sir. He smiled and grabbed my hand. He squeezed with a seal of approval and he said, “that’s my girl. I knew you could do it!”
Thank GOD we were in the car and I could relax without the worry of showing my nips to someone. I wasn’t sure where he had me driving us to now, but I prayed it wasn’t anywhere too public too. I just followed the google map directions and didn’t ask anymore questions.
Sir must’ve realized my apprehension was at at all time high, but rather than give in to me, he decided to amp it up yet another notch. He released my hand and slid his hand under my top. He squeezed my nipple hard and tweaked it hard. I flinched. He felt it and asked, as a rhetorical question, “hurt?!”
“Yes Sir.”
Sir continued to massage my breasts in full and didn’t stop for quite awhile. As I tried to stay focused on driving, it was extra hard to drive as he played with my tits. It wasn’t much longer and I realized where we were headed. Back to the hotel. I felt relief flood over me. We pulled in and parked.
After getting to our room, Sir said, “take it all off now. I’ve managed to get myself rock hard watching you today and need to get relief now. I’m going to fuck you hard until we both orgasm.”
He continued, “Get on the bed on your stomach and spread your legs wide for me. I’m going to fuck you doggy style so I can ram you hard and fast. I want to orgasm quick as my dick is super achy sore after watching you show off your tits all morning. You’ve been such a good girl and now I’m going to reward us both!”
And he did as he said. He fucked me fast and furious until we both orgasmed long and hard. It was amazing and I loved being rode so hard too.
When he was done, he said, “Now get redressed. Time to go again. We have another tour and tasting. Then tonight we will be at the best steakhouse in town.”
“Thank you Sir for using your pussy and allowing me to orgasm.” I made sure to tell him. Sudden,y all my stress for showing off seemed so worth it. I’ll never see those people again, but my Sir is in love with me!
“You’re welcome. You know what? I want to repeat the 90-minutes routine, but let’s start over at just 2-unsnapped. I bet by dinner, you’ll be showing off everything again! Can’t wait to see what the dinner crowd thinks! And maybe I’ll fuck you again tonight too if you are a good girl once again!”
This chastity belt below is the belt that i currently wear. It’s cute. It works. But I’m really more excited about the fancy one I’m waiting for – the fancy stainless steel chastity belt I have on order.
And this picture below is of the Fancy steel Chastity Belt… the more durable/permanent one i have on order. This one’s made to order, fits to several specific measurements, and is generally a much higher-quality chastity belt. However – it’s an investment. Luckily, i found this less expensive and still perfectly good chastity belt that gave the belt and i the chance to get to know one another before deciding to make the bigger investment on a high-quality fitted belt.
It is substantially the same in style, but made and personalized to fit my specific measurements.
At Matthew’s request (thanks again for inquiring), i am going to write about ….. all the logistics of wearing my chastity belt, including how it fits, how much comfort it is, and especially hygiene.
i never really have written about this as i didn’t think anyone would care to read it. And for myself, even when i don’t think you may care, i write about stuff that i may want to look back and reflect upon, which usually entails my feelings or opinions about something at that time, rather than logistical things such as this. But since Matthew asked… i must be wrong and well…. here goes.
Overall
When i wear the Chastity Belt, it starts to feel a part of me. i have thought about whether it is more of something that i put on, like underwear or is it more of something that is attached to me, like say hair. Wearing a g-string or thong pair of panties is what it looks and feels like, albeit my chastity belt is bigger and made of hard metal not soft cotton (or whatever). But when it is locked on and especially when i do not have the key, it starts to resemble something more of like the hair on my head that is attached but (somewhat) still separate too.
i haven’t been able to definitively say whether i think the chastity belt is more like panties or like hair, as it resembles both in different ways and at different times.
i will also say that i have a love/hate relationship with it. When i don’t wear it for awhile, i miss it. But when i have to wear it nonstop (like this recent week), i want to be rid of it. It’s probably like the saying that Shakespeare is credited with of “too much of a good thing can get harmful.” While the chastity belt isn’t exactly “harmful,” i only really want to wear it in small doses too. But that’s all about to change.. more on that later.
So without further ado ….
Purpose – why do I wear a chastity belt?
i want to explain WHY i asked my husband permission to wear a chastity belt in the first place. (YES, i asked!)
David never really wanted me to have or wear a belt. It was my idea. While he’s now come around and sees the benefits of it, he was initially disgusted and annoyed that i had little to no self-control. He didn’t think a “crutch” should be needed to help me be compliant and to follow the rule of: NO TOUCHING AND/OR NO ORGASM WITHOUT PERMISSION.
He wanted me to have better self control. And while it did improve, it wasn’t great. i still snuck into our bedroom or closet or even in the bathroom and rubbed one out. Then i felt guilty. Then i told him. Then i got punished. Then the real pain set in…. of seeing his disappointment… this caused sadness. And i went down an emotional negative roller coaster of not being enough, self degradation of “why can’t i just do as I am expected to?”, and “why can’t i be good”…… Then i would promise to do better.
And i would repeat the bad behavior. Albeit usually “less.” While the bad behavior lessened, it still happened, especially when he was out of town for any period of time.
That was when i asked for a chastity belt. If you can’t prevent bad behavior from using after-the-fact discipline, maybe you can prevent the bad behavior from happening before-the-fact. If it’s literally prevented from happening at all, the disappointment, frustration, guilt, sadness, inadequacies and discipline can ALL be avoided! Which leaves only joy and happiness when the belt comes off and when Sir’s touch (hands tongue, or cock) comes together with my pussy.
At least that was my thought anyway. While David disagreed and said i should have better mental staying power, i didn’t. And he eventually conceded to allow it. Now after getting the belt, he actually agrees (more) and sees the benefits too. (But he stills wants me to have better self control too.)
We had previously (jointly) decided that i would only orgasm with his permission or at his doing. i would not touch myself or have orgasms otherwise. Ever.
We had decided this and put the rule in place because over all the years of our marriage, like anyone who masturbates, i had perfected it. To the point, i didn’t care much to have him get me off in any form or fashion. That was bad as then i didn’t care to have sexual relations of any kind with him. Or when i did, i was of the mindset, “can you just hurry up and finish yourself so i can finish myself the way i like?” And regularly, i didn’t want to have sex with him at all because he wasn’t my “preferred lover.” In a sense, you could say i was cheating on him with myself.
That had to change. i knew it. He knew it. So with D/s, this was one of the first things we set out to improve. Our sex life. Now… He gives me a LOT of orgasms. While i am not allowed to do it of my own accord, i don’t lack for satisfaction either. In addition, i now look forward to seeing him, loving on him, dressing sexy for him, and … having orgasms by his hand or cock or tongue. (Okay, i am getting wet as i write that! THAT would never have happened before!)
How my chastity belt fits
It’s probably worthwhile to speak on this as it goes a long way to explaining the rest of things below also.
The belt fits snuggly on my hips and even more so between my legs to cover my crotch. Overall though it’s neither tight nor is it lose, but snug. Very snug!
Similar to say a fitted pair of jeans, that’s about how the chastity belt fits too. Snug and firmly touching my body, but not restrictive nor causing pain and difficulty walking/talking/ or breathing either.
Fitted jeans are snug on almost every part of your body where it touches from your waist all the way down to your ankles. If you put your shoes on first, you likely couldn’t get your jeans on second and would end up needing to take your shoes off and starting over. Similarly fitted jeans —- and a CB — are fitted.
Starting with the waistband, it fits snugly enough to not move (much), but not so tight that anything feels smashed in. i have no issues with breathing or any internal problems (like my intestines working to create waste and feces). In other words: i have no pain from the chastity belt.
The waist band part of my chastity belt is similar to wearing any other belt on your waistline where i can stick my finger between the belt and my waist. i can’t get two fingers in there without sucking in my breath and my waistline, and of course, even if i do that it would be a short lived event when i breath again!
In the crotch area, it fits even more snuggly than the waist. It needs to be a bit tighter there for two reasons: 1) to restrict access, and 2) to not rub or chafe.
When i first got it, i had it a bit too lose there. (Yes, the chastity belt is adjustable with a screw driver and Allen wrench). And it chafed the upper inside part of my thighs. The part RIGHT where your thigh and outer sides of your labia/pussy can touch. When i tightened the belt, the chafing stopped as it was held in place and was not able to move or slip around as i walk. It felt a lot better being tighter than loser, believe it or not.
So all in all, my chastity belt is fitted tightly, but not too tightly, to do its job but not restrict me from walking-talking-breathing or any other similar activity. i have found it’s easy to exercise in it too. While i don’t do real strenuous or difficult exercises, i can walk and run in it without issue. And i have and do these things without problems while in the belt.
Unlike a pair of fitted jeans, if my chastity belt was not fitted it would not do its job. That job being to restrict access to my pussy by me or anyone else for penetration and/or masturbation. Because i have never achieved orgasm without being touched with something on or in my pussy, it forces abstinence also.
Access
Now that said, can i still touch myself?? Yes. But only a little bit. Not enough to break the rules either. Let me explain.
When i stretch my legs wideeeeee open while squatting down, like say a sumo wrestler, i can put one finger inside the waist band and press it outward, where i can then manage to get a finger from my other hand under the chastityt belt crotch band and touch my pussy.
My finger can only touch the left side only, and then i can repeat it for the right side. This is NOT a comfortable position (and not enough touch/sensation to even want to try to get myself to orgasm) but it IS useful to be able to clean myself. (More on the cleaning part below.)
But. My finger is wedged in there, my legs are as wide as i can possibly make them and i am standing in a squatting position. Not to mention, my finger still gets caught up in my labia lips (as there just isn’t a lot of room) and not truly all the way to my pussy hole.
i have tried pressing my finger further inward, and it (very painfully) pinched my labia lips as it folded over on itself and the outer edge of my finger scrapped against the inside of the metal CB, taking a slight layer of skin off my finger. It was like a carpet burn for several days and less than comfortable! i stopped that motion and never tried it again!
The chastity belt is comfortable
Just like thong underwear or hair on my head don’t hurt, neither does the CB.
Of course, sometimes our clothing needs adjustments as we wear it through the day. As i walk and/or sit, the belt slips around just a tiny bit.
While i am clearly not a man, i have been told that men’s balls sometimes get caught in the folds of their pants as they sit down. So they learn to pull up their pants at the crotch area to give a bit of slack as they sit and more room for their balls to fit nicely into that spot. So sitting in the chastity belt has done the same for me. As i sit, i have learned to pull up on the pants, press on the front of the CB and to move slowly. This gives room for the CB to ensure it slides into a comfortable position as I end at the waist, so that my labia lips don’t get pinched inside the CB. This took awhile to learn, but now i can do it seamlessly.
Just like panties, at some point the feeling and awareness of having them on dissipates, so is the same for my belt. Like right now, as i type this, there is just one spot (probably only a single inch of it) on the waistband that must be a bit tight in the way i am sitting that i can feel. Otherwise, i can’t “feel” it despite it being in constant contact with my body. It is truly comfortable in that way.
i honestly like feeling a bit uncomfortable in it though too. Like the single inch i am aware of on the waistband at the moment that i can feel, keeps my mind in the here and now. It reminds me i DO have it on and i have it on for a reason.
So sometimes it is slightly uncomfortable too, but i actually think that’s a good thing. It’s not so uncomfortable that it hurts, but only so much that i am aware of its existence. And it makes me mentally reminded who i submit to and why! (And yearn to be allowed release from the CB and be allowed an orgasmic release too!)
Bathroom
i suspect this is the part you really care about and i wouldn’t be surprised if you skipped ahead to read just this alone! That’s cool.
When i have access to the key, i just take the belt off for bathroom breaks as that’s much easier and simpler. Realistically though, having the key sort of defeats the purpose of having the CB which is to restrict access. While wearing the CB at anytime does make access more challenging and even front of mind, when i have the key i could take it off and play with myself … or let someone else play with me …. anytime i truly wanted. So i ultimately prefer to NOT have the key!
And when i have to use the bathroom with the belt on, i manage just fine but it is more of a process too.
TO URINATE i sit down, spread my legs wide where one leg is literally on each side of the toilet bowl. Then i put my one finger inside the very top of the belt to press it slightly forward giving a bit of extra “space” down there, and release the urine.A close up of the shield and the urine holes on the belt i currently wear.
Because there are holes in the front shield that covers my pussy, most of the urine comes out the holes, but some urine does also come out the sides too. That’s why i sit with legs very wide open, to allow that urine the space to drip out too.This is what the shield looks like on the Fancy Steel belt too. As you can see, the holes allow for easy urination to flow right through.
But some urine does get trapped inside the belt. This is where, if i am home, i have a water bottle beside the toilet that i use to squirt water down inside the belt and onto my puss. (Man is that some cold water too!). The added water forces the remaining urine to be washed out.
This is also where wiping becomes extra important and a bit of challenge too. First i wipe all along the left/right edges. Then i take another bit of toilet paper and press it inside and under the belt on either side. (Remember above when i said i can press a single finger on either side but it’s not enough to get past my labia lips and pleasure myself…..) This is where that small bit of space isn’t big enough to get my fingers really inside the belt, but paper is thinner and can effectively be pressed deeper between my pussy and the CB. i repeat this on both sides.
Lastly, i swipe the outer edges of the belt itself, in case any urine is lingering on the outside. This is the same as i would swipe my pussy if i was not wearing the belt.
Finally. When i am at home, i go and stand in front of our floor length fan in the bedroom, with my legs spread wide to allow the fan to air dry myself even further. This helps to ensure i truly get dry, which will prevent any yeast infections from happening but also to just get things all dry to not drip too.
All of this is a process for sure which is why i would prefer to NOT urinate in the chastity belt, but it happens. i have learned better bladder control now and i can hold it longer. (Not so long i could end up with a bladder infection, but i have strengthened my bladder muscles too. That’s a good thing!)
TO HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT is actually easier than urination, believe it or not! The belt has a metal circle ring in the back that is about 2’ish inches wide and long. i haven’t measured it exactly but that’s my guesstimation.
When i sit down on the toilet, similar to urinating, i open my legs wide where one leg is on either side of the bowl. i pull each butt cheek “apart.” This lets the belt’s metal hole get really wedged into my butt cheeks. This serves to line up the chastity belt hole RIGHT up against my anal hole. Plus, the belt effectively holds my butt cheeks open too.
i then stick a finger down to my anal hole to ensure it truly is aligned with the CB hole. It always is though but i like to be sure too.
And i poop. The same as always. To date, i have never NOT hit the hole. i have never had a mess or problem with the belt getting filthy at all. i honestly think missing the hole would be quite difficult actually as the hole is rather big.
And because the hole is big enough for the poop to pass through, as you can imagine, it’s big enough to wipe pretty well also. As well, with the CB hole wedged between my butt cheeks, the leftover poop is JUST on my anus hole and not on my butt cheeks or the CB. It just works well.
Showering
Showering is super easy. It’s substantially the same as always but … with my belt on. i know that sounds like i am being cheeky, but it isn’t intended to be.
Because the chastity belt is metal, it is water proof so water is of no consequence.
The lock used on the belt that i currently wear is not water proof, so i cover it up to take a shower. If it were to get wet and not be dried off, it would eventually rust. The snack-size ziplock bags work really well for this but of course, any covering works. And if i were to forget to cover it, as long as i dry it off, it should be fine.
When i get to washing my puss and anal hole, i lather soap into my hand and assume the sumo-wrestler position mentioned above. And i press one finger inward under the belt, while the other hand holds it outward from the waist hand as much as possible. And repeat on the other side. And then repeat to wipe all around the belt edges around my waist too.
Then to rinse, i take down the shower head, as it is a removable head, and i put the water right up onto my pussy. Just as the urine comes out of the holes on the front of the shield, the water (and soap) goes in and out as i move the shower head all around too.
i won’t lie, this tends to significantly arouse me, as the water is warm, super soft, touching my pussy. It’s the only stimulation my pussy gets, but it loves it too! In addition to being sit,usages, i generally become frustrated too, as i can’t ever get to orgasm with just edging from the water!
Sleeping with a chastity belt
Sleeping the first few nights was a challenge, but now is easy. the only reason it was a challenge was that my mind wouldn’t settle down. It was something new and at first i worried about the safety of doing it, but then i was just turned on and had to ignore it.
It isn’t really hard to get comfortable at all, since the CB is generally comfortable anyway. Now, it is what it is and it’s just no-big-deal.
The ability to hide my chastity belt under my clothes
I have literally worn every-single-thing in my wardrobe exact,y the same as i always do without a single issue!
No one can see anything, including myself.
That’s likely because the CB is fitted so closely to my body, and it is super thin, that you just can’t see it.
Ability to orgasm
In a nutshell: i can’t!
i can’t touch myself “enough” with the CB on to be successful to masturbate or orgasm. i can’t get anything (other than water) inside the holes, and that’s not enough either.
Mental
And WHY exactly do we want all this? Because it forces me to rely solely upon my husband for my sexual happiness and joy. It forces me to be keenly aware of who is in charge and who has control. It gives him mental and physical power over me.
The chastity belt creates a position of being MORE than just speaking the words, “i am your submissive wife and you are my Dominant in control.”
We talk more, we spend more time together, and we are more connected.
And…. i am able to eliminate all the negativity around “trying to be good and follow he rules,” while failing to have self control.
It literally gives him the key to (my heart and) my sex…. Which is entirely his to use or not… Which he does…. Which makes us both very happy.
This is working well for us.
So now you know. Now maybe you see that wearing the chastity belt is not terribly difficult to navigate but does require some changes to hygiene patterns. But clearly not impossible at all either. My hygiene is not compromised at all. And “if” it ever becomes an issue, i will “call red” and get out of the belt to get healthy again too.
My Sir loves and respects me, as i him.
While wearing the chastity belt is nowhere near a “normal activity,” for most women, this is a good thing for us. And i am happy about this.
^^^^^ THAT was my conversation earlier tonight with my Sir. About my Chastity belt. And me wanting to have the key to take it off.
i won’t lie, i basically threw a temper tantrum today. i wanted the belt off. i lost. The belt is still on.
Sir won.
Officially he should always win. Unofficially it doesn’t always happen. Today it did happen.
Yes, today…. SIR WON! i know i already said that, but it was worth repeating.
i even looked for the key in all the areas i thought it would be. i really wasn’t sure as i looked if:
1) i was going to be able to find it,
2) if i did find it, would i actually use it,
3) if i wouldn’t use it, why was i looking.
i stopped looking. i don’t think i do want to find it. And it was not in any of those usual or expected places anyway.
Sir hid it well. He won there too.
He’s right in that the belt isn’t uncomfortable really, just getting (more and more) annoying. The way keeping my shoes on when i get home is annoying. But he is right, my shoes are not a symbol. The chastity belt is.
The chastity belt represents a literal and real power exchange. A total power exchange that i have willing done without regret. i would do it again too.
i completely trust my Sir and i give him my all. Until i want the belt off. Until i want to take back the control but to which he does not allow.
i am glad he has not succumbed to my wishes.
In the end, i do NOT want to be in charge and i am glad Sir is. Just sometimes, i want to win. Like today when i have wanted the belt off.
He’s home tomorrow at about this time (7p) but now (based on his comments above), i am unsure if the belt will even come off then.
This is good for me in the end. This total power exchange reminds me of how small i am and how small i should remain.
i write all this while sitting on the couch, in my chastity belt. i have given up asking for it to come off and will submit the way i should. Hopefully anyway! And if i don’t, i suspect i will still be in my belt but then ALSO have a red ass to go with it!
(And did you see the part about my fiction story? i am working on another one. Maybe tonight yet … or tomorrow. Will see.)
