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Tag: i am a submissive wife

239 – My collar(s)

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 239 – My collar(s)

i have a collar. In fact, i have three. Besides the Hidden in Plain Sight post, i’m not even sure i have ever even talked about it. In the past though, it has been the featured picture on my entire blog, so it is possible you’ve seen it.

My primary collar is one that i’d say is a mix of function and fashion. It is the one in the featured pic here. i can – and do – wear it daily or sometimes not at all. But it can also be functional too. It is strong and thick enough that David can pull on it to lead/direct me where he wants me to be or go. Of course, he rarely uses it for that, but he can and he has.

Sir has never said (or required) that i wear it at any particular times or days. i typically wear it when i need something tangible/physical, to remind me of my (consensual, by choice) submissiveness.

David loves it when i wear it, and he doesn’t usually miss it when i do. He usually makes some sort of nod to it. i think when he sees it, it becomes a tangible reminder for him as well as me, of the commitment to this D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship with DD (Domestic Discipline) that we both love.

i have had this functional, yet stylish, collar for 2-3 years now. After we were living the lifestyle for awhile, i asked David to get me a collar to recognize the commitment. And then he surprised me with it.

i happen to think he didn’t really think much of it at the time actually though. He didn’t make a big deal about the delivery of it either. So we didn’t have some big ceremony, like what i have read others do. Some of what i have read seems like it’s almost a wedding ceremony of sorts, and while that’s cool, it’s not what we did. David gave it to me over dinner and that was that.

Over time though, he’s come to love it because he’s realized how much i love it. He sees the response it generates in me and by extension, then to him as well.

It means a lot to me. It is a tangible reminder for each of us. For me, it reminds me of the transfer of power that i willingly handed over to David, causing me to be pliable and willing to submit. And for David, while he doesn’t think of me (literally) as a dog, a dog does indeed wear a collar so that you can keep it. You put a collar on an animal that you don’t want lost. One that you want to claim. David has ultimately claimed me in that same way!

i want to be submissive all the time, but sometimes i am not as submissive as i want to be for so many various reasons. And when i feel my collar on my neck, it is a tangible reminder of what i want to be and how i want to act.

It means a lot to me. It brings me comfort when i need it. And i really need it (the collar and the comfort) especially when i want to be reminded of my submissiveness.

i have done a lot of research on collars as of late, somwhat out of curiosity really. …………

What do other subs collars look like? (Lots of variety!)

Are they all with a lock, or a “O” ring? (No, not all, but most seem to.)

Is there any official standard required? (Doesn’t seem to be any standard. Some collar pics i found just looked like regular jewelry and it made me wonder “what’s the point,” but it was their version and that’s understandable.)

How “nice” are they….. are they all just jewelry or function? (Both. Some are pure jewelry and look almost dainty/breakable, some look like chains and function and fashion, and some are just quite literally a Dog collar for function only).

Do people actually wear a DOG collar sometimes too? (YES. Dog collars are really used by Doms and worn by subs. It doesn’t seem that the sub wears these outside of sex and/or their house, but maybe they do that too.)

Do people wear them 24-7? (Some do, yes. Some are (fairly) permanently attached with a strong metal and lock/key, that the Dom has the only key. i don’t know how prevalent this is, compared to”occasional wear.”)

Do people have just ONE collar or many? (While i couldn’t tell for sure, it seems many people have more than one, especially if they actually have a dog collar for sex/home play. One would be purely for function then, whereas another may be for wear outside the house.)

SO WHAT DOES MINE LOOK LIKE, WHAT ARE MY RULES, WHAT DO WE DO?

Well, as previously mentioned, i don’t wear it all the time nor am I required to. i happen to think that being “made” to wear it (or being made to do anything really) is more about a slave dynamic than a submissive dynamic. i think that’s a lot of what the difference between sub and slave is…. Being able to have choices. Not just about a collar wearing, but anything at all. And i have choices, and do not consider myself a slave. But i digress…..

i do not wear a dog collar.

The collar in the picture is the primary collar i have and wear, which serves for both fashion and function as previously mentioned. i also have two choker collars. They are pure fashion. One has silver and one has gold on it, so that i can alternate between outfits as needed.

While i do not have a picture of me wearing mine, this picture is pretty similar to what i have …..

While i do not have any rules about when or where to wear it, when i do wear it, it helps me to feel more submissive as it is a visible and tangible reminder of who i most want to be, who i most want to please, and how i most should act.

While i don’t have a dog collar, what i said above is true… you put a collar (or leash) on something you want to keep and not allow to get lost.

I pray i am never lost. And if i do become lost, i am found and claimed once again by David.

^^^^ UPDATE: i wrote everything above this line months ago. But i never finished this post so of course, i also never published it. i haven’t a clue why… probably ran out of time, ideas of where or how to finish it, didn’t have focus that day…. Not sure. Either way, it sat in my “drafts” section until now.

The last sentence i wrote about never being lost…. That is essentially what’s happened in our D/s relationship in 2022 until relatively recently… we have been lost.

David wasn’t dominant, wasn’t enforcing rules, and didn’t care to be in the role-play acting mode that i now think i was basically trying thrust him into. That was the difference for us, in that i wasn’t role playing at being submissive but i kinda think he was at being Dominant. And after awhile, he grew tired of the constant pretending to be the “character i portray on stage in my daily life.”

But now…. As i have recently been starting to tell you…. He’s changing and so am i! He’s coming alive and into his own (best!) version of the dominant man i always knew was there and to whom i submit to.

And as he changes, so am i. i am learning to truly submit, not just when I want to. i am learning to NOT top-from-the-bottom or tell him how to do his job best. In the process, i am truly learning how to be the submissive wife he wants/needs and not the submissive wife i think he should have!

We are becoming the best versions of ourselves and i am embracing this evolving process. (The changes aren’t that many or different, and I will likely tell you more about this in a future post… but instead the changes are rather slight and yet, exactly what we need!)

Hugs,

Marie

168 – Dying to know…. Dom or sub?

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 168 – Dying to know…. Dom or sub?

Yesterday was …. my one day to Dominate my Dominant Sir.

On Dec 31, he surprised me and told me i would get one day per year to dominate him, and it was to be Jan 1, yesterday.

While the day went well, it definitely did not go as i had envisioned or would’ve necessarily imagined.

i spent much of Dec 31 thinking on what i’d do as his Dominant, and what i’d have him do as my sub. And many of you gave me many suggestions too (thank you!).

A couple of you even warned me about how it may not go well, and you seemed leery of the idea altogether; thinking that the natural order of things, the balance, shouldn’t be disturbed. You basically told me that upsetting the apple cart on purpose was not a good idea.

All in all though, with my own thoughts and all of yours too (including the warnings), i prepared my mind and i thought i was ready.

Yesterday morning comes and we wake up. Almost without fail, i am out of bed before David by at least/about 15-minutes, and on a normal day he would find me on the couch drinking coffee and on my iPad surfing. Jan 1 was no different. Same start.

What was different though was that i normally greet him, “Good morning Sir,” whereas yesterday i said nothing. i waited for his greeting.

He said, “Good morning.” And i repeated just those two words, leaving out “Sir” on purpose.

He noticed i didn’t say “Sir” and he told me as much. i said, “i noticed you didn’t say ma’am either.” And the line was drawn. Both of us smiled at one another, daring the other to use the title…. neither of us budged. i wondered if he did that on purpose to remind me that i am a sub at heart, but dismissed that notion for the minute.

i had intended to tell him, “you will cook me breakfast and i will be having….” but before i could get that out he said, “I’ll cook you breakfast when you are ready. Please tell me what you’d like.”

Wow. Ok. So he’s going to submit to me without me telling him how to do it, but won’t call me Ma’am. Ok, so i can work with this. (i wasn’t really sure i wanted to be called ma’am anyway, so all good really). He cooked breakfast and we ate.

When i was done showering, he came into our room to dress himself. After drying off and while i was still naked, i laid on my back and spread my legs. i said, “you need to make me orgasm now.”

He then said, “it’s Friday and we probably need to do maintenance first.”

i said, “Dominants don’t get spanked. They do the spanking. So no maintenance today, unless it is on your ass.”

He raised his eyebrows at me and said, “uh huh.” But nothing more.

So i did not do maintenance yesterday and i wonder if it will happen today now instead. If i were to guess, i think it will! And if he doesn’t suggest it, i just may. In order to ensure that we have put the apple cart back upright and all apples are safely inside, just as they should be.

And with that, between my legs he went! i didn’t ask to orgasm, i just did. Because i was the dominant and i didn’t need to ask.

When he realized it, he asked me, “did you orgasm?” And after i said yes, he said, “ok. Good.” On any other day, he would’ve said, “without permission???” And it would likely have ended the session and/or had me turned over for a spanking,

And he kept going. While not spoken in any tone other than kind humility, he said, “you should cum more.” He didn’t use a demanding or commanding tone at all.

After two more orgasms, he then announced he was done and had other things to do. It occurred to me that i should perhaps tell him, “NO, i didn’t say you were done yet so NO, you are not done until i say you are.” But i didn’t. i just said ok. i mean, i was happy and relaxed and wanted to just enjoy those feelings anyway.

As well, i found myself debating about the line of Dominant to a sub or Dominant to a slave. He never agreed to be my slave. And i had just orgasmed 3 X’s too. And he was already being very submissive overall anyway. And the day was still quite young. In other words, i second guessed myself.

This got me to thinking about how often does a Dom second guess themselves? It’s easy to be the confident, bold, commanding Dom in the movies and/or books, but probably not so easy in real life. At least not easy all the time for sure. Maybe some times and in certain situations, but ALL the time??

With that, David went to get his shoes and socks and when i asked him where he was going, he said to the store. i had commented about 2 days prior that some of our lightbulbs around the house were burned out. And i had politely and with proper submissiveness asked if he could get those changed out soon. He was going to buy more bulbs “in order to please” me.

When he returned, he did just that. He pleased me by getting the bulbs all switched out, without me having to remind, nag, ask twice, comment or say a word at all. While it made me happy, it kinda stole my thunder. i wasn’t able to be this imposing Dom telling him what he needed to do and on and on.

Which made me think about how a good sub should do these things and it does make the Dom happy without the Dim having to be imposing or forceful or exerting their power. But how often as a sub had i accused (even in my mind) David of not giving me directives? i have often thought about how he doesn’t tell me enough about what to do or how to make him happy, so i have accused him of not being “Dom-enough.” When in reality, i am likely doing the things that make him happy without him having to tell me, which is even better because a good sub should be in tune with her Dom without having to (always) be told. Most subs do things for their Dom without being told, because they know it pleases them. They don’t need this “all powerful” Dom barking orders at them in order for them to be a good sub.

The day went on like this where many of my honey-do’s were just “done”. And for dinner, he made my favorite meal, pork chops with rice and gravy. (Plus he made cabbage and black eyed peas…. which is a Southern tradition to eat these on New Years to bring about good fortune for the coming year. The more you eat, the more good fortune becomes you. Here’s a great article i found on it: Black Eyed Peas Bring Good Fortune.)

So i had a day that felt like my birthday….. i got many honey do’s done, i got my favorite meal cooked, and orgasmed many times over.

All in all, i think David was probably a better sub than i expected him to be, and i was not as good a Dom as he was a sub. Which also got me to thinking about when a sub is good, does it cause their Dom to think they might not “be enough”? Or as good? i realized the psyche of a Dom may be more fragile than i ever imagined. Or maybe it was just my psyche as a Dom, because it became more and more obvious as the day went on that i am NOT his Dom. Either way, i should praise his Dom-efforts and thank him for taking on a leadership role more often. It’s not always as easy as it seems and praise for good work and responsibilities assumed should be commended.

i will say i didn’t get to spank him, which is one thing i really wanted to do. i only wanted to in order to be able to brag and to say i did. To be able to say, “This is what it feels like.” But he wasn’t ever “bad” to deserve it. Near the end of the day, i told him i wanted to spank him “just because.” In a calm and flat tone, he said, “just remember, tomorrow I am back in charge. So I will submit to it because I said I would, but you may well regret that tomorrow.” So no, i didn’t spank him.

And that got me to thinking one last thought about my Dom, he never just does stuff to me (like spank) just because he can. He never needs to make me feel less so he can be more, which is essentially what i wanted to do and why i wanted to spank him.

In the end, i learned a lot about him and myself. i ultimately learned that he is my Dom and i know it.

While i’m quite sure i could top someone else, i know it’s not him who i can dominate. That’s ok, i learned SO much about the dynamic that i never really thought about before. i learned about things from his (possible) perspective as my Dom and i learned more about myself as his submissive in the process too.

It was an interesting experiment, but i doubt i’ll ever do that again. Unless he told me to, which is to say he would have to Dominate me to tell his Submissive to switch to be his Dominant. And i haven’t a clue why he would ever want to do that, because we don’t need to turn over the apple cart. Ever.

i happen to like the apple cart exactly where and how it is, and let’s just enjoy the apples exactly how they are, without worms, too!

So today, when he wakes up, i will greet him with a “Good morning SIR” and all will be upright and good in my world once more.

Welcome to 2021 where some things changed but most did not!

Hugs,

Marie