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8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Hello ~

Fair warning – this is a longggg post.  But it is a 2-fer really.

First, i want to give you some of my backstory.  How did i get to this place?

Second, its a struggle.  This submission thing is both what i want, and not.  And, well, its a struggle. Yes, a struggle, after just a couple of days ago how i told you my Thoughts on Submission. Wanting to submit and actually doing it aren’t always one in the same.

SO – STORY #1 – MY BACKSTORY.

To date, i haven’t given you ‘that much’ information about ME and my husband.  But i want to now.

We’ve been married for 17 years.  We met at work.  We are both in the same profession.  He was my boss when i started working there.  (i suppose he was ‘in charge’ of me from the beginning!)  i worked there for 9-months when we started dating.  Our firm sent us out of town on a project for 3-weeks where we ate, drank, and …got merry!  (MERRY not MARRY…. not yet anyway.)

We dated for 5-years.  A longgg 5-years and i doubted whether he was going to marry me and i ended up giving him an ultimatum.  Obviously, he conceded and we were married shortly thereafter.

And from there, life got boring.  We changed jobs and no longer worked together.  We had a kid.  Only one.  And life was even more mundane.  We both thought, “This is ALL there is?” and we became your average American family with a 2-story house, picket fence, and a dog.

The “American Dream” … right?  What more could a girl want?!?

Well… looks can be deceiving.

At about our 10-year anniversary, neither of us was “all that happy” (and a bag of chips).  We were just going through the motions.  And something had to change or else we would either die young (boredom) or end up divorced.

That’s when we started talking about having a 3-some (with a woman).  And from there, we talked about becoming swingers.  And we did it ….all.  Yes, i consider myself bi-sexual now also.  But we don’t have any ‘regulars’ we see… not yet anyway.   (In another post, i’ll give you some salacious details!)

The more we explored, the more i wanted to do.  He was happy with a 3-some (of course he was, what man wouldn’t want 2-women?!).  But i found myself wanting to be controlled.   i wanted him to tell me what to do.

It basically started as a fantasy… and mostly just a sexual one.  i really thought i was a masochist for the longest time.  And when i “casually mentioned” this to my husband, he was like, “NO, I can NOT beat you!!  I was raised to respect women”  And i was like, “But i WANT you to.”  And while i think he just basically thought i was crazy… i REALLY think he thought that this was a “phase” that i was going through.  That the fantasy sounded good, but the reality wouldn’t be.

Fast forward a bit.  About 2-years ago, i found the website for really kinky people and i decided to register.  My profile says “I’m a married female, on here with consent from my husband.  I want a Dom and while he doesn’t feel that’s something he can do, he supports my endeavor to find one.”  And all that was true.  i talked to him first.  And he agreed to the site, the posting wording, and as long as he knew where i was and who i was with at all times when i met someone… then i had his blessings.  (Safety first.  That was his concern).

This is the point he started to take me seriously though too.  If i was willing to do all this, maybe i did want this from someone. And if he wasn’t willing or able to give it to me, i was willing to go get it. i never did find anyone that i was brave enough to actually meet …. stories of rape, abuse, and kidnapping scared me so much that i just couldn’t ACTUALLY bring myself to GO MEET “HIM” (or HER).

WELL – so how did we bridge this gap?

Our dog LOVES to bark.  We’ve tried everything to get her to stop.  And we finally bought her a shock collar that we shock her and she FINALLY stops.  It is run from a plug-in Rechargeable battery and you are now wondering, “HOW did we get to talking about the DOG and HOW does that get us to a DD relationship”  (Bear with me 1-more minute!)

The collar went ‘dead’ and needed to be recharged a little more than a week ago.  So i plugged it in and waited (bark, bark, bark going on the entire time i waited!). It was FINALLY time to put it back on her.

And when David got home from work, he said, “I see you put her collar back on.”   To which I replied, “YES, a collar is a good thing!”  and he said, “Is it now?” and i said, “YES! Absolutely!”  And at this point, i think he knew i wasn’t talking about the dog collar.

He went to the (home) office computer and started typing.  And i figured out he was doing something “secretive” so i didn’t bother him.  (Maybe he was finding us a hot babe for another hot 3-some!)

A couple of days later, we have a delivery.  He tells me to “Come here now!” and i do.  He has a collar for ME!  He put it on and i LOVED it!  i was surprised at it.  And he said, “WOW, I think I could’ve bought you a car and you wouldn’t be THIS happy!”  He also said, “You are MINE!  And I really see NO reason for you to take this collar off.  Do you?”  and I responded with, “No Sir!”.

i didn’t know for sure if this was the start of him REALLY being my Dom, but i prayed about it.  i was hoping!  i literally prayed, “Lord, let him be the head of our house.  Let him have his way and not mine.  Help him to lead us according to your will and to hear you clearly. Help me to submit to my husband”.

Finding Domestic Discipline (DD).    Up until this point, i didn’t even actually KNOW about DD.  i got SO turned on by the collar, i went to my ipad and typed into a Google search, “Submitting to my husband” and the first thing that came up was “Domestic Discipline.” I read a lot about it that night.

THAT was when i realized, i’m not reallyyyyy a masochist.  i’m a submissive wanting to submit to my husband, have consequences for NOT doing so, and well, have domestic discipline. Domestic discipline is about spanking. But not just that. Discipline can come in many forms. But that’s all really for another post!

i showed my husband what i found and asked him to research it too.

And the VERY NEXT DAY… he told me to buy a paddle and be ready to have it used.  i thought, “WOAH, we are REALLY doing this!!”

… and THAT my friends is “How I got here in the first place!”

Which brings me to Story #2 –

IT’S A STRUGGLE

Submission.  i want to do it.  i really do.  But i’m struggling.  Let me (try to) explain.

With ALL that backstory (that is absolutely true) up until this point, everything i reallyyyyy knew about Submission or Domination or Domestic Discipline or Masochism or BDSM (any other ‘or’s i’ve missed?!?) – was ALL IN MY HEAD. Meaning, i have read a lot, talked a lot, but not DONE a lot.

None of it was actually played out in real life.  If you count ‘talking to someone online or text’ as playing it out in real life, then yes, i suppose i’ve had at least a real life experience.  But other than THAT, nothing. So i don’t really know what it means to submit or be spanked or to say things like, “Yes Sir.”

And well, the internet is completely true…. and all those erotic stories i’ve read… those are all true too.  And that’s exactly how all this will play out in real-life too. RIGHT?!?!

So i’ve crafted this whole “IDEA” of how all this dominance/submission and spanking was supposed to go.  Frankly, it is so well crafted that it could be my own real-life-movie where i’m the star of the show and my husband says his lines and plays his part.  All i had to do was give him the script!

And that’s basically what i tried to do.  That’s why i’m “Topping from the Bottom”.  You know, where i tell you how to dominate me and you do what i say?!?!  THAT was what i envisioned. Oh it wasn’t intentional, but is the reality of the situation too.

WHAT I GOT was a TRUE SIR.   My husband, David, is coming into his own.  He took my ‘Advice and ideas’ for about a week.  And NOW, he’s told me to SUBMIT and let HIM dominate.  That i’m too bossy.  That i need to understand that submission doesn’t mean tell him what to do.  It is the other way around.  And whether it is according to my ‘script’ or not, he doesn’t care.

SO – NOW – I’m struggling.   You’d think i’d be happy.  RIGHT?  Well, i am actually.  BUT i’m not sure how to “DO” this submission thing.  It sure looked easy watching the porn, in my books, on the internet, but now … this is ‘real life’ … and it’s not really following the scripts that i laid out.

Sir is doing an amazing job.  i’m SO thrilled and impressed at his desire to lead.  (Today he told me he wouldn’t hesitate to turn me over his knee in public or in front of my sister, if the time comes where that it is needed).

i don’t suppose i’ll ever really know what made him buy me the collar.  i won’t know what ever convinced him that i truly do want this.  i won’t know how we got from ‘there’ to ‘here’.  BUT – i do know – i have to throw away the script and let him do what he was born to do – LEAD and DOMINATE.

Life shouldn’t be so scripted anyway – maybe that’s why we were just an “average American family” and yet – bored.  i don’t want to go back to that life.  i need to just relax and let him do what he’s meant to do – LEAD. But i have to learn how too.

And to remember all i REALLY have to do is – SUBMIT…. respect, obey, and did i say submit (??) … all in a way that is pleasing to HIM!

i’ll do better tomorrow, i promise….  Sir!

Hugs ~

Marie

7 – Transgression.. what’s in a word?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission, Uncategorized. No Comments on 7 – Transgression.. what’s in a word?

Webster defines “Transgression” as such……

rans·gres·sion

transˈɡreSHən,tranzˈɡreSHən/

noun

noun: transgression; plural noun: transgressions

– an act that goes against a law, rule, or code of conduct; an offense.

“I’ll be keeping an eye out for further transgressions”

synonyms:offense, crime, sin, wrong, wrongdoing, misdemeanor, impropriety, infraction, misdeed, lawbreaking;

How do “i” (as in: me, submissive, in a DD relationship, loving discipline life, loving Sir) define “Transgre

ssion”?  Well … the same actually.

Don’t tell anyone, but i rather like the part about “I’ll be keeping an eye out for further transgressions”.  Was Webster in a D/s or M/s or DD relationship too? Was that intentional or just coincidental that it seems to say there is a DOM and a SUB relationship to this “word” .

When i don’t do as i’m supposed to.. in other words, when i commit an act that goes against a rule AND code of conduct expected of me… it is a TRANSGRESSION.

Now here’s where the GREY (50 shades?!) comes in….. what if the “RULE” wasn’t clearly defined?  What if I didn’t even know it WAS a rule?  Does that still make it a “Transgression”?

Ignorance is Bliss (?) valid or an excuse?

Does that apply to situations when you “just didn’t know” or does this even apply at all … ever… to ANY part of our lives?  By show of hands, who actually believes this phrase is TRUE?

Or do you think that this is an excuse to NOT do as you KNOW you should?  Or maybe a loophole that you are looking for…..

“But Sir, i shouldn’t be punished… i didn’t know”.

What should your Sir say after that … “Okay, you are right” ??? OR “I don’t care, bend over”??

And if he agrees with

h you, is that making HIM SUBMIT TO YOU?  Or is the fact that you asked him and questioned his authority make YOU at fault – and yet – another Transgression?

See where i’m going with this?  The GRAY area…. and this could lead to the 50-shades on your ass kind of gray…..

MY TRANSGRESSIONS

i’m supposed to log my transgressions.  And maybe i’m justifying my actions here (hence the above section) BUT … sometimes i just don’t know if it was a Transgression or not.

So i’m going to call these “semi-Transgression” because maybe it is and maybe it’s not.  But i’m not sure this is my call to make, so i’ll let Sir read this and determine what he thinks is best.  Maybe this is the section that leads to further communications between us… to clarify what is or is not a Transgression… or more specifically what is a rule/ code of conduct expectation or not.

In any event… this week David is out of town.  So i’m having to log EVERYTHING since i last saw him until he’s home.  Here’s the listing so far…..

Clearly a Transgression

– Per my previous blog entry, Spoonful of Medicine…, i forgot to get the medicine from the pharmacy when specifically told.  i had to be reminded.

– Cursing.  i know this is not acceptable to David.  He’s NEVER liked my foul language.  And yet, i do it anyway.  Some of it is training myself and being aware of what comes out of my mouth before i say it.  Today, while taking our son to school, i said, “get your ass out of my

way” to the car in front of me.  Clearly unacceptable.

Gray Transgressions or Semi-Transgressions

Again, these are in the “would they be or would they not be” transgressions area,.. but i’m listing them anyway… just in case.

– Last evening, i asked Sir for permission to take a relaxing bath.  He said i could, but i had to finger myself and get myself “close to orgasm, but DO NOT do so”.  That is hard.  i’ve always been unable to stop myself, once i get that close.  i begin to desire the orgasm, begging it to come, and wanting to keep going.  And i always do.  Now i did NOT do that this time (yeah for me!).  So what makes this hit the list at all then?

———- well, because i REALLY wanted to cum.  i decided to text Sir, “Please may i PLEASEEEEE cum??” and he wrote back, “NO”.  i then pushed it further and said a couple minutes later, “i reallyyyyyy want to cum”.  And he wrote back, “don’t test me”.  🙁

———- BECAUSE i DID test him – i think this needs to go on the list.  But maybe its not a transgression because i didn’t cum?!  But it probably is because i didn’t take his order and strictly obey, i asked…. TWICE… for him to reconsider.  Questioning authority.

——-again, i’ll let Sir decide.

– Topping from the Bottom.  What do i mean?  Well, when i try to tell Sir how to Dominate me.  How i should submit to him.  i’m not sure ‘how much is too much’ and how much Sir might actually appreciate my commentary or creative ideas.  (i’m not too sure WHY i suggest creative ideas… for mostly they are more ways that i can F*** up and gain more punishment!  — Does that F*** count as a Curse word?! and yet ANOTHER official Transgression?!?  it might!  Yikes!).  Anyway, i’ve been doing this though because we are still new to all this and as i read more about it, read blogs of others, and find more ways to enhance our lifestyle, i want him to know too.  (But again, maybe i need to actually SUBMIT and let him DOMINATE as i know i want!)

i have NO doubt that my transgressions will result in some kind of punishment upon Sir’s return….  i will welcome that punishment as i know it is JUSTICE served.

–

So that’s it for “today’s listing”… i’ll stop before i commit further transgressions (like cursing… yet again!!) …. but it is only 7:46 a.m….. so there’s lots of day left!  i may be back here to report more in an “update” by tonight/ tomorrow.

Hugs and Kisses Today!

UPDATE: It has been a whopping 2-hours since i posted this.  And i have another transgression to report!  (And a Whopping i will receive i’m sure!)

– i was told to do a PDF for a submission of artwork for an advertising event.  PLUS send the CHECK to pay for it!  i did the artwork pdf.  i did NOT put the check in the mail.  🙁  i had to be reminded by the advertising agency, who put David in copy on the email.  He responded with a simple, “I will make sure she does it today”.  But that wording told me ALL i needed to know.  SOOOOO —- another transgression.

(i don’t like it when Sir goes out of town…. the build up of unsettled Transgressions is beginning to cause me some anxiety….  i can’t hardly imagine how BAD my butt is going to hurt when he’s done settling these up!).

UPDATE 2:   ONLY A FEW MORE HOURS LATER… wow.  This whole submission thing is wayyyyy harder than i thought it would.  i guess i have this ‘vision’ in my head of how it should go.  And as a result, the “Topping from the Bottom” is most definitely out of control and has now gone from “gray” to “definite” transgression.   i bought some “nipple (suction) cups” (think about Michael Phelps – Olympic Swimmer – his cupping only for nipples).  i got them in the mail yesterday … when Sir is out of town.. and i put them on.  They created nice, perky, alert nipples.  i told Sir about it and sent him a picture, which he very much loved.  i “told him” that he ought to require i cup the nipples ‘regularly… maybe even be required to wear them every meal’ so that when i’m naked next, they would be ready for his viewing pleasure.  He responded with “I like that idea”.  SOOOO THENNNNN i decided to take it upon myself and tell him “so are you going to make this a rule?  If so, i need to know when it starts and how often”.  He didn’t respond, although i know he read the text for read receipt.  After a few more hours, i asked if overstepped my bounds, and he did respond with “You are a little bossy on these ideas”  YIKES.  THAT’s what i figured he might say.  When i explained i only get excited with new ideas and want to share with him, but i need to be observant of the tone, he suggested i say, “You could say look at this cool idea…..”.  He’s right.  i’m wrong.

Wondering now if i’ll get to tomorrow before having to report yet another transgression.  🙁  (I think the tack bra may be put to a lottttttt of use soon!)

UPDATE 3:  FINAL one. Because Sir is almost home!  i will be seeing him in less than an hour.  (Thank God! i can’t handle the weight of these transgressions piling up so!)

So for this update – i have TWO thing i must report – 🙁

– i masturbated without permission.  i knew it was wrong, and i didn’t cum… but that’s because the weight of the transgression was weighing on me and became a buzz kill.  David was on an airplane and i was getting excited (and wet) for being able to see him, so i just though i’d relieve the pressure.  But i didn’t even get off.  And now i have to report it.  This was NOT worth it.

– David asked me to look into a recurring credit card charge to determine if it is something we want/ need to keep/ or should cancel.  i told him i would talk to our son, because i was sure it was one of his game charges.  And i forgot.  For 24-full-hours.  i only remembered when i did because i looked at email and saw it there.

FINAL WORDS:  i will gladly accept my punishment, because i know it is: 

a) deserved,

b) a consequence of my own actions,

c) born from love

d) will clear the slate and my conscience.

There’s always tomorrow ….. if i can sit…..

5 – Thoughts on Submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Corset Waist Training, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 5 – Thoughts on Submission

i sit here with nothing but a latex-black-tight-fitted corset on.  And nipple clamps.  And my collar.  But all that’s for another post altogether.  Today, I want to talk about WHAT DOES SUBMISSION MEAN TO ME.

SO – What is Submission?                                        

What EXACTLY is Submission?  And what does it mean to YOU?  You’ll have to tell me in the comments.  But i’ll tell you what it means to me now….

Well, i suppose i’d be amiss if i didn’t acknowledge that sitting around with a corset, nipple clamps, and a collar would definitely be submission.  But really, that’s what i DO, not what it is ABOUT.  i’m tantalizing and teasing you, aren’t i?

i talked before ‘why’ i submit, but now i’ll talk about WHAT it looks looks like for me to submit.

W*H*A*T submission means to me…. is that i give up.

i give up a lot. i give up a lot of control, of decision-making, of waffling back/forth, of trying to determine the **best** way to do something, weighing pros/ cons. i give David the ability to just decide and the only true decision i have to make is whether to follow his decision (and let him lead) or not. And i (generally) decide to follow, to give up, and to submit. i say generally because well, sometimes i don’t allow him to lead. i don’t agree and i don’t want to do it his way. Which often leads to trouble and to a sore butt, but that too, is my choice… i don’t have to allow him to spank me, but i chose to allow that too.

What else?

That sounds a bit anti-climatic… right? Well it kind of is! Because frankly, submission isn’t really that difficult! But as people, we make it into “difficult.” We complicate it. Why do we do that? I’m not really sure actually. Ha. You anticipated some more profound or in-depth statements, didn’t you?

i am going to offer this thought…. We are ALL submissive. Disagree? You say, “I’d NEVER submit or be a submissive.” Okay, well, maybe you are not as submissive as i am, but YES, we are ALL submissive. Let me demonstrate why i say this……..

Yes, i believe everyone is submissive. 

If you get in the car and drive to work, and get to a red light that is red.  What do you do?  Hopefully you stop.  Right?  You just submitted to authority.

If you have a big project due at work on Tuesday, and on Monday, you realize you need to work late to get it done.  What do you do?  Hopefully you stay late and get it done.  Right?  You just submitted to responsibility.

Tuesday you turn in the project and your boss says, “it is all wrong! Did you understand the project at all? Redo it now!”. What do you do? Well even “IF” you disagree with the boss’s words, hopefully you do NOT talk back, don’t argue, and decide to just redo it and get the work done to your bosses preferences. You just submitted to your boss.

i could go on, but my point is:  WE ARE ALL SUBMISSIVE!

And WHY do we do these things? WHY do we submit? Because every action has a reaction… or a consequence. Because compliant submission is better than the alternative of the negative consequences.

So admit it, i’m right!! (And maybe i just exerted my Dominant side by getting you to agree with me that YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE too.

See what i mean?  Everyone is submissive on some level.

But as we get older in life, the more decisions and the more control we assume. Frankly, we are expected to assume it. (Did anyone ever hear the word, “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP?”). When we are younger, our parents decided (pretty much) everything. But as we got older, so did our assumption of control and, well…..domination.

But if you ask me, “domination” is confusing. Why is that? Put simply, on the road home, we submit to authority (red lights) but when we get home we become the authority (running a household). Playing different roles in different scenarios is difficult and i find it confusing at best! Some of us are better at it than others for sure.

But i am one who is NOT better at it. i get stressed, anxiety ridden, and find ways to F*** things up!  And what does that lead to??

So let’s look at a scenario –  What DOES it lead to: 

(Honestly, in my marriage pre-DD and post DD – would be a very different answer…. so let’s review BOTH….)

Scenario: Husband does something that i don’t like, i disagree, we fight, and it just happens again and again…. Both the disagreement AND the fight.

Specific example. Our dog likes people food. She follows you into the kitchen in hopes that you’ll set the plate down for her to lick what’s left off the plate after dinner. David typically does this. And it irritates me greatly. WHY? Because it leads to more dog begging and her getting fat.

PRE-DD:

Me: WHY did you give that to her? Again?

Him:  Because.. it irritates you.  And I can.  (Insert maniacal laugh and sly smile).

Me:  (Roll eyes and gritted teeth and annoyed voice…) This is so unnecessary.  There’s no reason to do this!

Him:  Why do you nag so much?  Why can’t you just be happy?

Me:  I’d be happy if you wouldn’t feed the dog leftovers all the time and actually listen to me for a change!

Him:  Why should I listen to YOU?

(And we typically walk away from each other irritated until we both calm down, when we pretend nothing happened and move on … until it repeats tomorrow after dinner!)

WHAT HAS THIS ACCOMPLISHED?  …. NOTHING.  We fought about something and got NOWHERE.  WHY REPEAT THIS PROCESS NIGHT AFTER NIGHT?

What’s the alternative?…….POST-DD:

Now, after DD, this exact same scenario started to play out … again… at the end of dinner just last night (for real!).

But this time, my response was entirely different.  I decided to SUBMIT.  INTENTIONAL SUBMISSION.   I looked at my husband, opened my mouth, and then closed it.  He looked at me.  He smiled.  He laughed (a happy laugh).  And this was the convo:

Him:  You really wanted to say something, didn’t you?

Me:  Yes Sir

Him:  Why didn’t you?

Me: Because i chose submission.  And if you think the food is okay for the dog, then why should i argue?  There’s nothing good that can come from arguing with you.

Him:  Good girl! (And a genuine smile)

(And that’s it. Nothing more. No negativity, anger, or nagging! And instead, we replaced it all with smiles and happiness.

This is why i chose to be submissive on a higher-more-conscious level with my home life AND my outside-the-home life too. i intentionally decided to listen to and obey my husband. i decided that i wanted to submit on a higher level than just societal expectations. i wanted to be congruent. i wanted to honor David. i wanted to have less control over stupid things (like whether the dog gets leftovers) and i wanted to be a better wife!

THIS IS WHAT SUBMISSION IS TO ME.  What is it to you?

(more next time on things like my collar, why i use the lower case i, and maybe a spanking story too…. i suspect a strong spanking is going to be happening soon…. more next time!).

Hugs ~

Marie

4- Second Day (in a row) Second Spanking

Written by Marie on . Posted in Spanking, Uncategorized. No Comments on 4- Second Day (in a row) Second Spanking

Hello ~

So i haven’t been here in a few days as “life” has gotten busy, as is typically the case for the weekends in anyone’s life!  So there’s a bit of catching up to do…..

Second Spanking Second day in a Row.

Yes, i got two spankings two days in a row.  But this one was sexually charged and wasn’t really a “true” spanking, in my opinion.

Back-story on how i landed here…

i have a full-time job.  And sometimes i have to go to training for continuing education as a result.  This time i had to go to a half-day training.  And my husband works from home quite often, which was the case today (obviously since ‘virtual spanking’ isn’t a thing!)

So i was home by 2:00 pm.  Our son had after-school activities and wasn’t to be home until 6:00 pm, which left me with several hours of ‘free-time’.  Free-time can be good and bad…. too much and i get lazy  but too little i get stressed.  Either way, i have issues!  Which is, in part, why DD is a better lifestyle for me than pre-DD.  Because now, lazy and stress aren’t really tolerated and i have an outlet to get those behaviors to be dealt with.

Upon arriving home.

I greeted Sir with the familiar kiss on the cheek, and smile, and announced i was home.  i asked him if he preferred clothes on or off… as we don’t have an official policy just yet.  We are still new to DD, as i started blogging – literally – the day we officially started this… and while we will ultimately end up with a contract, we don’t have it in place yet and are still exploring what we like/ don’t and how this will be long-term .. and we are both okay and prefer it this way … for now anyway.

He said it was “entirely up to you” (me).  i was a bit disappointed in this as i want him to make decisions, be in control, tell me what to do, take away my ability to ‘think too much’ and well, dominate.  But i also recognize we aren’t in a M/s relationship, nor do i think (there i go thinking too much again!) i want that.  So maybe having ‘some’ decision making authority is good *(?!)*

i ultimately decided on nothing.  i wanted to be naked in our home and prance around to see David’s reaction.

David’s reaction was good.

And i got what i was looking for.  He reacted all right.  He saw i was naked and told me to go outside and throw the dog’s ball (our dog is obsessed with ball throwing!) and i think David half-way expected me to object, but since it is in our fence-enclosed-backyard, i didn’t.  i just did it.

And i think that turned him on.

Ordered to the bedroom.

When i came back in, he said (in a quite firm and calm tone, but with no hint of sexual prowess either), “You are to go to the bedroom, insert a medium sized butt plug and assume the position.  I’ll be there soon.”

i had no idea what i’d done wrong.  i equally didn’t know how long ‘soon’ would be.

Our “position” for discipline is with hands on the bed, elbows straight, head down to stare at the bed sheets or my feet, feet on the floor, spread shoulder-width apart.  So i did as told.  (Come to think about it now, maybe i might need to add an element of getting the paddle out and maybe laying it on my back to rest until he comes in to retrieve it.  But is that “topping from the bottom”.  I dunno!)

As you have guessed, Sir says he prefers the paddle.  His hand gets tired and sore when spanking with his hand, which is of course, NOT at all desirable for him!  The paddle hurts.  i’m not sure in comparison to ‘what’ exactly (yet) but i’ve no doubt that at some point (soon) i’ll find that out as well.

i waited.

I heard him come into the bedroom.

It seemed like a long time until he arrived, but it gave me time to relax, to think, to pray.  i prayed for his leadership, his guidance, that God would make him the man that God desired,and that our marriage continue to grow in a way that is pleasing to God.

You might think i was praying for me – that it wouldn’t hurt too much (or that it would), or trying to figure out what i did wrong to be here – but i didn’t pray those things.  i decided that i would exercise truth.  If Sir asked why we were there, i would simply state, “i’m not sure”.

And that’s what happened.

He asked.  i stated.  He said, “you were naked on purpose to taunt me. So i want to now use you to my pleasure.”  i knew he was right, but i’m not sure that was exactly “bad” either.  (Frankly, i think this was just a way to get me to the bedroom and have a reason to spank me, but i was ok with that!  He was leading our marriage and doing what he wanted with and to me and i welcome that!)

The Butt Plug.

He stated, “The plug is here for me to know how much you clinch and how much you release.  The plug is NOT to fall out.  If it does, that will add to this punishment.  Do you understand me?”

“Yes Sir”.  (And with that, i was dripping!  i was so turned on i wondered if i’d cum before he was done with the spanking!).

The Wooden Paddle                                                     .

i felt it steady against my ass.  i felt him smoothly rub it around on my ass.

Then it pulled away and swatted me.  It was an easy-warm-up swat.  (i politely asked after Spanking 1 if he could consider some warm-ups before the ‘real deal’ next time.  When i had asked, he merely responded with “I’ll consider it”).  i had a handful of those, which served to mentally prepare myself for what was next.

The paddle then moved away from my ass and i was cringing – both my butt cheeks and my facial cheeks – expecting it to be “the-one” but instead, i felt the (small/side) edge of it touch my clit.  He rubbed it between my legs and up through my butt crack.  THAT got me sexually charged.

And when it moved away from my body, he said, “I see you are very wet.  You got my paddle wet!”.

And then i felt the hard SMACK to my ass.  It came hard and swift.  I flinched.  I felt the butt plug go deeper with the smack, but almost slip out with my flinch.

He laughed as apparently he saw the plug movement also.  He asked, “Is it going to come out?!?”  And i simply wasn’t sure.  i supposed it would depend on how long this paddling lasted.  But i didn’t state that outloud.  i wasn’t sure if:  1) i was allowed to speak, 2) if i really wanted him to know that information.

SMACK.  Harder yet.  And i fell to my elbows on the bed.  And i heard, “I didn’t give you permission to move or rest on your elbows” and

SMACK.  Harder even yet.  i raised up and heard, “Good girl” with a lighter SMACK.

i’m not entirely sure how many smacks i got.  But i do know that my ass was on fire in a short period, especially since it was still a bit tender from the day before’s spanking.  And the intensity of his SMACKS and with the butt plug in added to these sensations i was experiencing.

Sexual part.

i was sexually charged from the start.  Afterall, i was naked from the start!  And now i was filled with a plug, showing my ass to my husband, and he has already commented on my being wet.

But now he was sexually aroused also!  He put the paddle down and i heard the easily discerned sound of his zipper.  And i heard his shorts hit the floor.  Then his hands grabbed each (firely-stinging) ass check and pushed me onto the bed onto all 4’s.

He immediately pushed his cock into my pussy, while fingering and pushing on the plug to make it go deeper yet.  i was beyond arroused!  i was filled and happy!

He pushed back and forth, in and out.  i was

i typically ‘help’ at this point.  i move my hips, i reach between my legs and feel his balls, i touch my clit, etc.  But as i started to move my hand, he stearnly said, “NO!  DO NOT MOVE!”.

i found this erotic, but a difficult challenge to follow.  i’d always helped.  it was to ‘help’ us both.  But this time, NOT happening.  But i kept trying.  He then smacked my arm with his hand, and grabbed my arm and pinned it on my back.  And said, “I SAID NO!”

And that’s when i cummed.  i wasn’t sure if i was even allowed to cum or needed to ask permission.  (Again we haven’t exactly finalized “the Rules” yet).  But he loved it and was pleased, (Phew!).  With that, he pulled out and told me to keep the plug in until “Further notice”.

And i asked “Permission to suck your cock Sir”.  And i did.  More heartily than i’ve ever done before.  And he loved it.   And it pleased us both.

With that, back to work.

So was THAT a punishment or a reward?    i think both.  What would you say?!?  (and for the nay-sayers about DD, is THIS really BAD?!?!  i think not!  again, what would you say?!)

And that’s when he went back to the office (at home) and started working while i got on my laptop and did the same….

still naked.  still plugged.  until further notice.  😉

Hugs,

Marie

3 – First Spanking Ever

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 6 Comments on 3 – First Spanking Ever

So we are only just truly beginning this journey, but i feel inspired and excited and hopeful and turned on … all-the-time now.

And i wondered what that “first time” would be like… first time ….for spanking.

i wondered all sorts of things about it  – would it hurt (i hoped so, but would i regret that ‘hope’ should it come to fruition), if it hurt how long, would i ask for more, would i cry, would i regret wanting this lifestyle afterward, would i have to find a way ‘out’ of it if i did regret it, what have i gotten myself into..  among the few anyway.

And that’s when it occurred to me that i was NOT being submissive with this thinking.  God says “don’t worry” about anything … for any reason … anytime.  And well, let’s be honest, i wasn’t ‘wondering’ about the spanking, but i was rather “WORRYING” about it and what it represented.  And i asked for this life.  And i needed to trust my husband AND God.

But thankfully i didn’t have to ‘wonder’ for long.    

ACTING OUT:  i did it on purpose.  i was bad.  My actions were intentional.  i egged my husband (Sir David) on!  i wanted him to react!  If he didn’t react, i would’ve thought lesser of him.  i would’ve thought he thought this whole thing was some sexual fantasy or maybe just a joke.  i wanted a spanking!

SPANKING I GOT!  David wasn’t mad.  But he was stern.  He ordered me to the bedroom.  To strip naked.  Feet on the floor.  Hands on the bed.  Hands only.  No arms or head on the bed.  Only hands.  Feet/ legs spread apart.

i waited.

He came.  (not orgasm, literally walked into the room.)

my heart raced.  my pussy got wet.  i felt it drip.  i wondered if he would notice.  i figured he would.

He got the paddle out.  i felt it pressed against my butt.  my face cringed.  i knew this was the moment.  i said a prayer, “God, please let me endure whatever is about to happen.  Please be with David as he administers this wanted and desired discipline.  Be with us as we go into this new adventure.  Please give me strength now and in the future to continue in the way you want.  Help me be submissive”.

WOW!  CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!

1-SWAT. 2-SWAT. 3-SWAT. 

It was amazing.  Amazingly painful.  And yet, amazingly wonderful.  David told me to use my safe word (Tiger) if i needed it.  i was determined, on the first spanking ever (!) to NOT use it.  But then i started wondering if that was the right way to think.  Was being that obstinate smart or stupid?, dominant or submissive?  i really didn’t know.

But the fire quickly flaring on my ass made me focus.  i quickly had to put everything out of my mind but to focus on the paddle.

4-SWAT.

“Do you know why you are here? “

5-SWAT.

“Yes Sir”

6-SWAT.

“WHY?”

“Because I deliberately made you mad.  I tested you.”

7-SWAT.

“Exactly.  Was that smart?”

8-SWAT.

“No Sir”.

“So do you regret your actions?’”

9-SWAT.

“No SIR!  i’m actually very happy that i did it.  i needed to know you believe in me as your submissive.  That you desire this relationship change that i’ve requested.  That you are willing and able to administer the discipline i desire.  i respect you more now that i know you can and will do this.  i willingly submit!”

10-SWAT.

And then ….KISSES and HUGS. And reassurance of what a good submissive wife i am.  That he was proud of me.  And to expect discipline.  It is now apart of our life and He likes it and the response it is eliciting.  And i smiled.  And said, “me too!”

NO doubt about it…. It was not easy.  Every-single-one was delivered with force.  Without warm-up.  So for a first spanking, while i have nothing to compare it to, i felt this was amazing.  My bottom was flaring red.  And it stung.

And my fears were alleviated.  My worry was for not.  God knows his promises and he keeps them true… by having my husband be the Head of House & the head of me.

i’m excited about the future and the new marriage we are forging.  We’ve been married for 17 years, and i wish i’d found this way of life long before now.

Hugs,

Marie