Webster defines “Transgression” as such……
noun: transgression; plural noun: transgressions
– an act that goes against a law, rule, or code of conduct; an offense.
“I’ll be keeping an eye out for further transgressions”
|synonyms:||offense, crime, sin, wrong, wrongdoing, misdemeanor, impropriety, infraction, misdeed, lawbreaking;|
How do “i” (as in: me, submissive, in a DD relationship, loving discipline life, loving Sir) define “Transgre
ssion”? Well … the same actually.
Don’t tell anyone, but i rather like the part about “I’ll be keeping an eye out for further transgressions”. Was Webster in a D/s or M/s or DD relationship too? Was that intentional or just coincidental that it seems to say there is a DOM and a SUB relationship to this “word” .
When i don’t do as i’m supposed to.. in other words, when i commit an act that goes against a rule AND code of conduct expected of me… it is a TRANSGRESSION.
Now here’s where the GREY (50 shades?!) comes in….. what if the “RULE” wasn’t clearly defined? What if I didn’t even know it WAS a rule? Does that still make it a “Transgression”?
Ignorance is Bliss (?) valid or an excuse?
Does that apply to situations when you “just didn’t know” or does this even apply at all … ever… to ANY part of our lives? By show of hands, who actually believes this phrase is TRUE?
Or do you think that this is an excuse to NOT do as you KNOW you should? Or maybe a loophole that you are looking for…..
“But Sir, i shouldn’t be punished… i didn’t know”.
What should your Sir say after that … “Okay, you are right” ??? OR “I don’t care, bend over”??
And if he agrees with
h you, is that making HIM SUBMIT TO YOU? Or is the fact that you asked him and questioned his authority make YOU at fault – and yet – another Transgression?
See where i’m going with this? The GRAY area…. and this could lead to the 50-shades on your ass kind of gray…..
i’m supposed to log my transgressions. And maybe i’m justifying my actions here (hence the above section) BUT … sometimes i just don’t know if it was a Transgression or not.
So i’m going to call these “semi-Transgression” because maybe it is and maybe it’s not. But i’m not sure this is my call to make, so i’ll let Sir read this and determine what he thinks is best. Maybe this is the section that leads to further communications between us… to clarify what is or is not a Transgression… or more specifically what is a rule/ code of conduct expectation or not.
In any event… this week David is out of town. So i’m having to log EVERYTHING since i last saw him until he’s home. Here’s the listing so far…..
Clearly a Transgression
– Per my previous blog entry, Spoonful of Medicine…, i forgot to get the medicine from the pharmacy when specifically told. i had to be reminded.
– Cursing. i know this is not acceptable to David. He’s NEVER liked my foul language. And yet, i do it anyway. Some of it is training myself and being aware of what comes out of my mouth before i say it. Today, while taking our son to school, i said, “get your ass out of my
way” to the car in front of me. Clearly unacceptable.
Gray Transgressions or Semi-Transgressions
Again, these are in the “would they be or would they not be” transgressions area,.. but i’m listing them anyway… just in case.
– Last evening, i asked Sir for permission to take a relaxing bath. He said i could, but i had to finger myself and get myself “close to orgasm, but DO NOT do so”. That is hard. i’ve always been unable to stop myself, once i get that close. i begin to desire the orgasm, begging it to come, and wanting to keep going. And i always do. Now i did NOT do that this time (yeah for me!). So what makes this hit the list at all then?
———– well, because i REALLY wanted to cum. i decided to text Sir, “Please may i PLEASEEEEE cum??” and he wrote back, “NO”. i then pushed it further and said a couple minutes later, “i reallyyyyyy want to cum”. And he wrote back, “don’t test me”. 🙁
———- BECAUSE i DID test him – i think this needs to go on the list. But maybe its not a transgression because i didn’t cum?! But it probably is because i didn’t take his order and strictly obey, i asked…. TWICE… for him to reconsider. Questioning authority.
——-again, i’ll let Sir decide.
– Topping from the Bottom. What do i mean? Well, when i try to tell Sir how to Dominate me. How i should submit to him. i’m not sure ‘how much is too much’ and how much Sir might actually appreciate my commentary or creative ideas. (i’m not too sure WHY i suggest creative ideas… for mostly they are more ways that i can F*** up and gain more punishment! — Does that F*** count as a Curse word?! and yet ANOTHER official Transgression?!? it might! Yikes!). Anyway, i’ve been doing this though because we are still new to all this and as i read more about it, read blogs of others, and find more ways to enhance our lifestyle, i want him to know too. (But again, maybe i need to actually SUBMIT and let him DOMINATE as i know i want!)
i have NO doubt that my transgressions will result in some kind of punishment upon Sir’s return…. i will welcome that punishment as i know it is JUSTICE served.
So that’s it for “today’s listing”… i’ll stop before i commit further transgressions (like cursing… yet again!!) …. but it is only 7:46 a.m….. so there’s lots of day left! i may be back here to report more in an “update” by tonight/ tomorrow.
Hugs and Kisses Today!
UPDATE: It has been a whopping 2-hours since i posted this. And i have another transgression to report! (And a Whopping i will receive i’m sure!)
– i was told to do a PDF for a submission of artwork for an advertising event. PLUS send the CHECK to pay for it! i did the artwork pdf. i did NOT put the check in the mail. 🙁 i had to be reminded by the advertising agency, who put David in copy on the email. He responded with a simple, “I will make sure she does it today”. But that wording told me ALL i needed to know. SOOOOO —- another transgression.
(i don’t like it when Sir goes out of town…. the build up of unsettled Transgressions is beginning to cause me some anxiety…. i can’t hardly imagine how BAD my butt is going to hurt when he’s done settling these up!).
UPDATE 2: ONLY A FEW MORE HOURS LATER… wow. This whole submission thing is wayyyyy harder than i thought it would. i guess i have this ‘vision’ in my head of how it should go. And as a result, the “Topping from the Bottom” is most definitely out of control and has now gone from “gray” to “definite” transgression. i bought some “nipple (suction) cups” (think about Michael Phelps – Olympic Swimmer – his cupping only for nipples). i got them in the mail yesterday … when Sir is out of town.. and i put them on. They created nice, perky, alert nipples. i told Sir about it and sent him a picture, which he very much loved. i “told him” that he ought to require i cup the nipples ‘regularly… maybe even be required to wear them every meal’ so that when i’m naked next, they would be ready for his viewing pleasure. He responded with “I like that idea”. SOOOO THENNNNN i decided to take it upon myself and tell him “so are you going to make this a rule? If so, i need to know when it starts and how often”. He didn’t respond, although i know he read the text for read receipt. After a few more hours, i asked if overstepped my bounds, and he did respond with “You are a little bossy on these ideas” YIKES. THAT’s what i figured he might say. When i explained i only get excited with new ideas and want to share with him, but i need to be observant of the tone, he suggested i say, “You could say look at this cool idea…..”. He’s right. i’m wrong.
Wondering now if i’ll get to tomorrow before having to report yet another transgression. 🙁 (I think the tack bra may be put to a lottttttt of use soon!)
UPDATE 3: FINAL one. Because Sir is almost home! i will be seeing him in less than an hour. (Thank God! i can’t handle the weight of these transgressions piling up so!)
So for this update – i have TWO thing i must report – 🙁
– i masturbated without permission. i knew it was wrong, and i didn’t cum… but that’s because the weight of the transgression was weighing on me and became a buzz kill. David was on an airplane and i was getting excited (and wet) for being able to see him, so i just though i’d relieve the pressure. But i didn’t even get off. And now i have to report it. This was NOT worth it.
– David asked me to look into a recurring credit card charge to determine if it is something we want/ need to keep/ or should cancel. i told him i would talk to our son, because i was sure it was one of his game charges. And i forgot. For 24-full-hours. i only remembered when i did because i looked at email and saw it there.
FINAL WORDS: i will gladly accept my punishment, because i know it is:
b) a consequence of my own actions,
c) born from love
d) will clear the slate and my conscience.
There’s always tomorrow ….. if i can sit…..