i was lucky: the domestic discipline contract David and I established in the beginning was relatively easy for both of us. i consider myself fortunate enough to marry a man who was willing to explore his dominant role hand-in-hand with me, i never had to go through the dilemma that most women find themselves in.
In most households, it’s the women who start this conversation. i know that there are men seeking DD relationships also, but for now let’s look at the woman’s perspective. i think because it’s the interest in spanking that all of us share which starts the ball rolling, it’s some time before women realize that it isn’t just spanking but something deeper they want – a real disciplinary framework backed up by consequences. For most women, they want those consequences to be spanking; there’s just something cathartic about it that is unlike having privileges taken away.
Because of that, many people seeking advice in the past on domestic discipline have been told to provoke or ask for spanking, which is really bad advice. Unfortunately, because so there’s so much out there for people wondering “am I kinky?”, or who get turned on by the thought of being a spanked wife, but not so much for people focused more on how to start domestic discipline. For me, approaching David and asking him for what i felt i needed – specifically my need for structure through discipline in addition to the arousal, pleasure, and release i get from his spankings – was crucial to our setting off on the right path.
i’ve gotten comments from people who for one reason or another have gone halfway on this first step finding themselves unsure how to correct the feeling that they’ve somehow gotten off course. “I got up the courage to tell my husband that I want to be spanked and now he thinks I’m kinky. He just doesn’t understand. It’s not just about that!”
For men, who often take things at face value if his woman tells him that she wants to be spanked then that is just what that means to him and he’ll either think it a nice new “spice” in the bedroom or will simply tell her he’s not interested in playing those kind of sexual games.
While domestic discipline often incorporates spanking, spanking isn’t all what it’s all about. Domestic discipline is about a loving disciplinary framework worked out and agreed upon by both partners. In this relationship, rules are laid out that both can live with from a compliance and an enforcement standpoint. She has to feel comfortable obeying them; he has to feel they are important enough to enforce. He has to agree to follow through. She has to agree not to abuse her need to feel boundaries by breaking them intentionally just to get punished. This relationship shouldn’t feel like a parent/child setting but a system between two equals.
Domestic discipline is a contract between you and your husband, with rules that must be followed in order for it to work. For a contract to work, it has to be understood by both parties, who have to agree to it. If a contract is going to be sustainable, it has to benefit both parties.
It helps to have already established a relationship with your husband where you can tell him your feelings and insecurities without the fear of reproach or ridicule. It really helps if you’re in a relationship with a husand with whom you can communicate and whom you respect. If the relationship is already rocky, the last thing you want to do is implement a system where there is a power imbalance. If your marriage isn’t strong, shelve DD awhile and work on the relationship. You can always try to implement it later.
If you can talk to him, tell him that you have a deep, unmet need for limits and guidelines. Tell him that you feel secure living under the rules of loving authority. Reassure him that you aren’t looking for a daddy but more of a mentor figure who will shepherd you within a loving framework.
Give him time to absorb this. Remember that in our politically correct culture, a male-dominated home may seem almost like an alien concept. In the initial conversation you may not even want to bring up the subject of rules or consequences. Just let him know about your needs. Answer any questions he has as honestly as you can.
If he does understand and – best case scenario – this appeals to him then you will want to start brainstorming together about a possible rules and consequences. At this point you could bring up spanking. He may embrace the idea or he may really shy away from it because men are told they shouldn’t hit women. It’s a good idea at this point to let him in on what you already know, which is that quite a few principled men and women are living in arrangements where spanking and other consequences are used quite effectively. Again, give him time to absorb what you have said. If he’s so inclined he can solicit advice from some men who are already established as dominant partners in their relationship.
If he is open to the idea of a domestic discipline contract, shower him with love and appreciation. If he is reluctant, be understanding and patient. If he flat out refuses – worst case scenario – respect his feelings and try to imagine how you would feel if he were trying to convince you to discipline him. Some men are not interested in having a submissive wife, or in being a dominant husband and as much as it hurts, if you are in a relationship to stay then you must not push something on him that will bring him unhappiness.
Building a domestic discipline relationship is like building a house. It requires a good foundation of respect, understanding and patience. That foundation is your domestic discipline contract. If approached in a prudent manner dividends will pay off in the long run and you will both have a household that is the richer for it.
i received a pretty large discipline spanking yesterday. As with ALL my discipline, it is consensual. And i accept it with as much grace as i can muster in the moment.
That said…. It takes some kind of rare talent for what i managed to do.
While being spanked, i managed to get myself into trouble again. And if you want to be technical about it, the spanking in progress at the time was for a double error, making this one be the third! Three issues in one day!
So David kept right on spanking to fix all these errors at the same time. He used his new favorite tool… the riding crop. And from the first swat to the last, they were delivered with intention and strength that resulted in my attitude radically changing rather rapidly and swiftly too!
Who does that?! How does that even happen?!
HOW exactly does a submissive wife get herself in trouble a second time while in the midst of being spanked for the first bit of trouble she already brought on herself?!
Yah, well, like i said… i managed to do all this with some sort of special ability that i didn’t even realize i had! Just call me a regular super hero!
i didn’t do ANY of this on purpose. In fact, it was quite the opposite actually. After receiving the maintenance on Friday, i was none-to-eager to have a repeat or better performance from David with my butt as the target!
But. As i sit here writing, my rear end is still red and quite sore. i expect it to bruise by tomorrow and hurt for several days. i won’t lie though, i love David even more for having administered this discipline spanking with the swift action and exactness it called for. i need his leadership and with it sometimes the discipline too. Today, i got both!
What exactly even happened?
Earlier today, our son and i set out of the house doing errands and other related activities. At one point, David texted me and asked if i was near Sam’s wholesale club. “Yes Sir.
Then he texted, “Then can you stop and get paper towels, dog treats, and 409 cleaning liquid?” And despite the wording as a question, it really wasn’t a question at all. So my response was the same…. “Yes Sir.”
And we did. Only, as i walked around the store, i thought about the 409 and said to our son, “We don’t need to get that. When Dad & i were cleaning out the garage a few weeks ago, i saw we have about 2-3 large bottles of it.” So i didn’t get the 409.
THAT WAS MISTAKE #1. Do you know exactly what it was? i didn’t. But i was absolutely informed about it while being spanked!
Upon arriving home, i told David straight away that i did not purchase the 409. He said, “we do NOT have any. What we have 2-3 bottles of is Windex window cleaner.”
To which my heart sank.
i realized he was right.
It wasn’t 409 cleaning solution, but rather Windex window solution that we discovered how much we truly had when cleaning up the garage.
And THAT WAS MISTAKE #2. To which i was also told more about as i was being spanked too.
David was angry. He said, “I needed the 409 to clean my grill thoroughly. I told you I needed it and you said you’d buy it.”
“i am sorry Sir.”
“I think you know what you need to do now, don’t you?”
“Yes Sir. i’ll go Assume The Position now.”
As i (fully) undressed in our bedroom, it occurred to me that i was not *truly* naked as i was still in my chastity belt. i debated whether to take it off to be compliant with my directive to be naked when i am spanked. But then, i didn’t have permission to take it off either. Then i debated going back out to the living room to ask, so i would have a clear directive. i ultimately decided to leave it on, in its place, and climb on the bed to be in position before David came in. THAT CHOICE WAS NOT A MISTAKE….. THANK GOD I MADE ONE GOOD DECISION TODAY!
When Sir came in, i was laying in position…. Face down, pillow under my hips to offer up my ass to Sir and to make the spanking easier for him, with the choice of implements (crop, cane, paddle) all at the base of the bed at the ready.
He picked one up, and laid it gently on my rear. i could tell from the way he placed it there, he was being intentional about it. He wanted me to know and think about what exactly was about to happen.
And i could also tell from the way it felt that it was the riding crop. Then he started to speak to me. He said, “I have no idea why you didn’t buy the 409, as I told you to. Care to tell me why?”
“Because i was certain we had it already.”
And the riding crop was pulled back from my bottom, giving me another 2-seconds notice of what i was about to feel. i heard the crop whip through the air and the crack it made as it collided with my ass.
i was immediately brought into the here-and-now, where i was abundantly aware of how much the crop bites into my rear end. From that very first swat, all the way to the last, it HURT… a LOT!
That’s when Sir laid it back on my bottom and spoke again, “wouldn’t it have been better to ask me before taking it upon yourself to just not do as I asked of you?”
“Well…. yes Sir, i probably should have.”
And the crop came away and SMACKED right down again. This second swat landing in the exact same spot as the first, causing it to hurt that much more!
“But you didn’t.”
Smack a third time in the exact same spot again.
“Would it have been so difficult for you to have just bought it anyway? What ‘if’ we did have some at home already, what would be the big deal to have had more? What would have been the trouble to have more?”
“No trouble at all Sir.”
“And yet. You didn’t do as you were told. Instead, you decided to not do as you were told. Since when are YOU in charge and allowed to disobey me so blatantly and obviously like that? It was a rather simple request, to which you said yes to. Correct”
MISTAKE #1 was simply failing to submit. All i had to do was follow the directive. Regardless of what i thought of it or what we had at home already, it wasn’t my place to “just decide” to NOT follow his orders.
MISTAKE #2 was the fact we actually didn’t have any. And i was dead wrong about not needing to buy the 409.
He was right to ask for me to buy it, i was already at the store, even “if” we had some at home it’s not expensive and wouldn’t have mattered to have more. i should’ve just done as told, or asked for more clarity, but Just deciding to do as i pleased was NOT the right answer at all.
Sir said, “because you chose to deny my orders intentionally, you earned yourself a spanking regardless if we had it or not. You were not acting in a submissive way at all. You thought you knew better. But the fact that we didn’t have any at home has caused this spanking to be worse than it had to be because you were wrong in your decision to not buy it.”
His riding crop continued to rain down swats to my ass as i contemplated all that he said. Every time i felt it pull away from my bottom i cringed and held my breath waiting for it to find its next resting place. Some of the time it was in the exact same location and sometimes it moved, to a new one. Some of the time the swats landed swiftly and succinctly and sometimes he paused and drew it out. But every-single-one was delivered with intention to make its point…. And that it did indeed!
Smack. After Smack. After Smack.
i felt the anxiousness and anticipation of each swat about to land cause my body to start to sweat. That happens nearly every time. i think that’s part of why i don’t cry really. Because my mind and body is in a different place, trying to get through each moment of the here-and-now, rather than allowing myself to relax and just let out the emotions.
THIS IS WHERE I PILED IT ON…
THIS is where i managed to get into even more trouble in the midst of being corrected for the previous trouble!
“What will you do next time?” Sir asked me.
i spewed out words as fast as i could and said, “i will listen.”
MISTAKE #3… causing me to have an even longer and more prolonged spanking. Do you know what i did? Or rather what i did NOT do? (i did not know or realize in that moment.)
SMACK!
“What will you do?”
“i will do as you ask.”
SMACK – this one felt a bit harder, if that was even possible.
“What did you say?”
“i promise i will listen.”
S-M-A-C-K.
“Want to try again?”
And i practically yelled out, “i will do as i am told. … …. … … SIR”
There it was. The lightbulb went off. i failed to show him the respect he deserves and has reminded me over and over again. i failed to say SIR.
SMACK SMACK SMACK (yet even MORE intensity).
He then held the crop still against my bottom again and he spoke quite calmly saying, “I don’t know why using the word Sir is so difficult for you! I expect to hear it, and you know it. So NOW this spanking has to be even longer than it already was.”
And he continued to reign down swats with the riding crop onto my sore rear end for a bit longer.
Now i started to feel the same heat rising from my bottom, all the way to my face. (Sir has NEVER spanked me anywhere except my ass, so the heat was not from his hand or the riding crop. It was all within me.). i know this is the first thing that happens when tears are nearing the surface.
i was finally starting to relax into the spanking and to accept it. The anxiousness of feeling each swat was starting to fade. i heard my mind telling myself, “Just allow it to happen. Just relax into the knowledge… and pain from the crop… that Sir is in charge. He loves you enough to teach you a lesson. Allow the tears to form!”
He asked me several times to repeat the word “Sir,” as he continued to smack my ass. i did so. He told me i would do well to comment the word to memory.
It was just a bit more and David stopped. He told me we were done and he waited for me to rise up onto my knees and face him, he always does that. i think i he wants to ensure i am ok, but also for me to see his face and trust that this is now forgiven too.
It’s also where i look into his eyes and with a humble heart, i express my thanks to him. He has never required that i do so, but i do. i want to be sure to let him know i did indeed accept his discipline. i never want him to think he has forced this on me or that this may be somehow misconstrued into an abusive situation. It is not. i am always accepting and thankful for his leadership and guidance… and the discipline too.
That’s when he kissed my lips and expressed his love. Then he left the room and i took a few more minutes to collect myself and re-dress.
As i did so, i decided i needed to go to the store and buy the 409 as he had previously asked. Not only did indeed to have a sore bottom and a regretful disposition, but i needed to make it right by doing the actions requested of me too.
And i did just that. After coming out with my shoes on, i said to David “i will go to the store and buy the 409 you requested now.”
He smiled and then said, “Good idea…. Of course… it would’ve been a lot easier to have gotten it the first time you were there… would it?!”
“Yes SIR.” << i am going to be using that word a lot more now!
i never did cry during the spanking. Frequently i cry AFTERWARD when i stop and think about it all, as that’s when everything relaxes and the tears start to flow freely. i’m not entirely sure if David even knows that happens or not. It’s ok either way.
But as i drove to the store… listening to nothing but my own thoughts…. the tears slowly dripped down my cheeks. i wasn’t crying from the pain of the spanking, although the heat between my butt and the car seat was real (!), but rather the fact i wasn’t the submissive wife i wanted to be. i know all is forgiven now, but i was thinking about all that transpired and the remorse was real.
David was right. If I had just done as instructed, all of this could’ve been avoided.
i will learn from this and do better.
PS.. The chastity belt…
Oh… and in case you are wondering…. The Chastity Belt stayed on throughout. It wasn’t even a second thought for David or me in the midst of the spanking.
Afterward, i told him about my quandary of whether to take it off, or ask, or to just leave it on. His words were, “you made at least one good choice today. If I want it off, you will hear me tell you so.”
After i was home from the store and after dinner, i asked if I could take the belt off and take a soaking/warm bath. Sir said yes. And when it was done, i inquired if it needed to go back on. He said, “while you have been disciplined today and all is forgiven, you have NOT earned the right to play or be played with.”
He continued, “If you think you don’t have the willpower to abstain, then yes, put the belt back on. But I think you’ve learned your lesson today and don’t wish another immediate spanking on top of the first, ….. because if you disobey me and play with yourself anyway, I will spank you again. So the choice is yours….”
i chose to leave it off. But in the middle of the night, as i turned over in my groggy sleep, i felt the covers cross slightly over my clit bringing hyper awareness to my mind and turning me on. i wanted to rub my clit SO badly. i debated whether i should have put on the belt already or even getting up to do it at that moment, but decided to try to ignore it. It took awhile to go back to sleep, but i did abstain. (Phew!)
Now i am off to find some cotton pants to wear to work today…….
A family wedding in Nashville (that was outdoors in 30 degree weather. Oh my!),
Thanksgiving (which was lovely and low key),
My 51st birthday (i’m not ashamed or embarrassed about admittedly my age),
Trip to see our son in college (nice weekend with him),
My firm’s Christmas party (at our house with 22-people here, David cooked amazing food for it too. i didn’t make him, he wanted to. It was his gift to us and vice versa.)
All that in the course of 4 1/2 weeks.
All that on top of getting ready for Christmas with decorating, buying and wrapping presents, and of course…. Work.
It’s been unseasonably warm in our area. It’s normally 40’s lows to maybe 60’s highs. We’ve been having 60’s for lows and 80’s for highs.
While i love the hot weather, not everyone does. It’s sooooo much easier to be sexy in warm weather clothes than cold weather clothes.
Think about it… in the cold north, a conversation probably goes like this….
Him: I want to fuck you.
Her: oh yeah Sir?! I want that too.
Her again: just give me 10-minutes.
Him (annoyed): uhm. No. Don’t tell me I have to wait! NOW!
Her: well Sir, since it’s so cold out, I have 16-layers of clothes on and have to take them all off. That’s going to take awhile.
Lol. Yeah. So. NOT sexy.
So warm weather allows me to wear tank tops or a low-cut shirt, no bra, no panties… and be undressed in no time flat.
i can also sleep naked, or be in the house naked, much easier in warm weather.
Generally speaking, i feel way more more sexy in warm weather than in cold weather.
But i would say that David has been absent in spirit lately. With so many “life things” happening, he hasn’t had the least bit of focus on me, regardless of what i have on or do not… or whether the temp is cold or warm! (Yes, i am fully aware of how selfish that sounds!)
Now that’s not to say he’s not talked to me, done (vanilla) things with me, nor has he been entirely or literally gone.
He’s just not held me accountable or maintained our Domestic Discipline dynamic. At all.
i have been trying to NOT get anxious, upset, or angry about the (perceived) neglect. i know i am loved. i know i am not ignored, forgotten, or neglected. But it feels like it to me. And sometimes what we perceive becomes our truth.
i just wish he’d hold me accountable. i just wish he’d stay the course of our dynamic. i just wish he would bent me over his knee already.
i know i need to tell him. But HOW to tell him has been problematic.
If i……
Brat…
….. Which is where i become cranky, disobedient, disrespectful, and …. Challenging, that is unbecoming. It also, usually, just makes David annoyed and/or angry.
i don’t chose to be a brat quite as literally as it may seem. It’s somewhat like having a bad day. You don’t start out saying, “hey, I want to have a bad day today.” And yet, sometimes it just happens anyway.
And to take that even further, when a bad day does happen, sometimes you think, “I am NOT going to let this continue.” And yet it just does.
So being “bad” and throwing a temper tantrum isn’t the right answer, but admittedly, i have done a bit of this. Yet David has let it go and not held me accountable.
What exactly have i done? Well…. i decided he hasn’t paid ANY attention to my puss. He doesn’t seem to care if i touch it or not. i decided to NOT shave it until he pays attention to it.
On Saturday, he decided to lay me on the bed, spread my legs, and lick me to orgasm. (Yah, i know this is paying attention to me, which is exactly what i am complaining about. But. This is the one and only sexual type interaction we’ve had in nearly 6-weeks.).
He didn’t even comment about the hair. i dared him to. He didn’t. He should have. It was annoying that he didn’t.
Top from the Bottom…
…. i’d just tell him what to do, or maybe tell him “what you should do in this situation is….”
Turn me over and spank me, like the spoiled brat that i am acting like.
Or stand me in the corner until further notice.
Or (fill in the blank)…..
But i don’t want to tell him what to do. i want him to enforce the rules, do maintenance spankings, tell me to wear the Chastity Belt, or WHATEVER…. because he wants to do it and NOT just because i am telling him to do those things.
Try talking to him…
Yes, i know. THIS is the most logical. But i am already thinking he’s just going to hear my words as Topping because i think i hear it that way already too.
i can hear the conversation now….
Me: “you aren’t holding me accountable.”
Him: “ok. We’ve been busy.”
Me: “yes, but you should….”
Okay… right there…. i am Topping from the Bottom. Telling him what he’s NOT doing and how to DO something (anything) better
Send him a link of this post…
But that’s likely just another version of Topping from The Bottom.
SUMMARY…..
i am getting increasingly annoyed and unhappy…. Which is making me cranky. Which is probably going to lead to me being a Brat… even more. Just to get his attention.
See a pattern here? See the circular reference?
Ugh.
Suggestions?
Until then… no matter hot weather or not, i will wear what i want, when i want!
This chastity belt below is the belt that i currently wear. It’s cute. It works. But I’m really more excited about the fancy one I’m waiting for – the fancy stainless steel chastity belt I have on order.
And this picture below is of the Fancy steel Chastity Belt… the more durable/permanent one i have on order. This one’s made to order, fits to several specific measurements, and is generally a much higher-quality chastity belt. However – it’s an investment. Luckily, i found this less expensive and still perfectly good chastity belt that gave the belt and i the chance to get to know one another before deciding to make the bigger investment on a high-quality fitted belt.
It is substantially the same in style, but made and personalized to fit my specific measurements.
At Matthew’s request (thanks again for inquiring), i am going to write about ….. all the logistics of wearing my chastity belt, including how it fits, how much comfort it is, and especially hygiene.
i never really have written about this as i didn’t think anyone would care to read it. And for myself, even when i don’t think you may care, i write about stuff that i may want to look back and reflect upon, which usually entails my feelings or opinions about something at that time, rather than logistical things such as this. But since Matthew asked… i must be wrong and well…. here goes.
Overall
When i wear the Chastity Belt, it starts to feel a part of me. i have thought about whether it is more of something that i put on, like underwear or is it more of something that is attached to me, like say hair. Wearing a g-string or thong pair of panties is what it looks and feels like, albeit my chastity belt is bigger and made of hard metal not soft cotton (or whatever). But when it is locked on and especially when i do not have the key, it starts to resemble something more of like the hair on my head that is attached but (somewhat) still separate too.
i haven’t been able to definitively say whether i think the chastity belt is more like panties or like hair, as it resembles both in different ways and at different times.
i will also say that i have a love/hate relationship with it. When i don’t wear it for awhile, i miss it. But when i have to wear it nonstop (like this recent week), i want to be rid of it. It’s probably like the saying that Shakespeare is credited with of “too much of a good thing can get harmful.” While the chastity belt isn’t exactly “harmful,” i only really want to wear it in small doses too. But that’s all about to change.. more on that later.
So without further ado ….
Purpose – why do I wear a chastity belt?
i want to explain WHY i asked my husband permission to wear a chastity belt in the first place. (YES, i asked!)
David never really wanted me to have or wear a belt. It was my idea. While he’s now come around and sees the benefits of it, he was initially disgusted and annoyed that i had little to no self-control. He didn’t think a “crutch” should be needed to help me be compliant and to follow the rule of: NO TOUCHING AND/OR NO ORGASM WITHOUT PERMISSION.
He wanted me to have better self control. And while it did improve, it wasn’t great. i still snuck into our bedroom or closet or even in the bathroom and rubbed one out. Then i felt guilty. Then i told him. Then i got punished. Then the real pain set in…. of seeing his disappointment… this caused sadness. And i went down an emotional negative roller coaster of not being enough, self degradation of “why can’t i just do as I am expected to?”, and “why can’t i be good”…… Then i would promise to do better.
And i would repeat the bad behavior. Albeit usually “less.” While the bad behavior lessened, it still happened, especially when he was out of town for any period of time.
That was when i asked for a chastity belt. If you can’t prevent bad behavior from using after-the-fact discipline, maybe you can prevent the bad behavior from happening before-the-fact. If it’s literally prevented from happening at all, the disappointment, frustration, guilt, sadness, inadequacies and discipline can ALL be avoided! Which leaves only joy and happiness when the belt comes off and when Sir’s touch (hands tongue, or cock) comes together with my pussy.
At least that was my thought anyway. While David disagreed and said i should have better mental staying power, i didn’t. And he eventually conceded to allow it. Now after getting the belt, he actually agrees (more) and sees the benefits too. (But he stills wants me to have better self control too.)
We had previously (jointly) decided that i would only orgasm with his permission or at his doing. i would not touch myself or have orgasms otherwise. Ever.
We had decided this and put the rule in place because over all the years of our marriage, like anyone who masturbates, i had perfected it. To the point, i didn’t care much to have him get me off in any form or fashion. That was bad as then i didn’t care to have sexual relations of any kind with him. Or when i did, i was of the mindset, “can you just hurry up and finish yourself so i can finish myself the way i like?” And regularly, i didn’t want to have sex with him at all because he wasn’t my “preferred lover.” In a sense, you could say i was cheating on him with myself.
That had to change. i knew it. He knew it. So with D/s, this was one of the first things we set out to improve. Our sex life. Now… He gives me a LOT of orgasms. While i am not allowed to do it of my own accord, i don’t lack for satisfaction either. In addition, i now look forward to seeing him, loving on him, dressing sexy for him, and … having orgasms by his hand or cock or tongue. (Okay, i am getting wet as i write that! THAT would never have happened before!)
How my chastity belt fits
It’s probably worthwhile to speak on this as it goes a long way to explaining the rest of things below also.
The belt fits snuggly on my hips and even more so between my legs to cover my crotch. Overall though it’s neither tight nor is it lose, but snug. Very snug!
Similar to say a fitted pair of jeans, that’s about how the chastity belt fits too. Snug and firmly touching my body, but not restrictive nor causing pain and difficulty walking/talking/ or breathing either.
Fitted jeans are snug on almost every part of your body where it touches from your waist all the way down to your ankles. If you put your shoes on first, you likely couldn’t get your jeans on second and would end up needing to take your shoes off and starting over. Similarly fitted jeans —- and a CB — are fitted.
Starting with the waistband, it fits snugly enough to not move (much), but not so tight that anything feels smashed in. i have no issues with breathing or any internal problems (like my intestines working to create waste and feces). In other words: i have no pain from the chastity belt.
The waist band part of my chastity belt is similar to wearing any other belt on your waistline where i can stick my finger between the belt and my waist. i can’t get two fingers in there without sucking in my breath and my waistline, and of course, even if i do that it would be a short lived event when i breath again!
In the crotch area, it fits even more snuggly than the waist. It needs to be a bit tighter there for two reasons: 1) to restrict access, and 2) to not rub or chafe.
When i first got it, i had it a bit too lose there. (Yes, the chastity belt is adjustable with a screw driver and Allen wrench). And it chafed the upper inside part of my thighs. The part RIGHT where your thigh and outer sides of your labia/pussy can touch. When i tightened the belt, the chafing stopped as it was held in place and was not able to move or slip around as i walk. It felt a lot better being tighter than loser, believe it or not.
So all in all, my chastity belt is fitted tightly, but not too tightly, to do its job but not restrict me from walking-talking-breathing or any other similar activity. i have found it’s easy to exercise in it too. While i don’t do real strenuous or difficult exercises, i can walk and run in it without issue. And i have and do these things without problems while in the belt.
Unlike a pair of fitted jeans, if my chastity belt was not fitted it would not do its job. That job being to restrict access to my pussy by me or anyone else for penetration and/or masturbation. Because i have never achieved orgasm without being touched with something on or in my pussy, it forces abstinence also.
Access
Now that said, can i still touch myself?? Yes. But only a little bit. Not enough to break the rules either. Let me explain.
When i stretch my legs wideeeeee open while squatting down, like say a sumo wrestler, i can put one finger inside the waist band and press it outward, where i can then manage to get a finger from my other hand under the chastityt belt crotch band and touch my pussy.
My finger can only touch the left side only, and then i can repeat it for the right side. This is NOT a comfortable position (and not enough touch/sensation to even want to try to get myself to orgasm) but it IS useful to be able to clean myself. (More on the cleaning part below.)
But. My finger is wedged in there, my legs are as wide as i can possibly make them and i am standing in a squatting position. Not to mention, my finger still gets caught up in my labia lips (as there just isn’t a lot of room) and not truly all the way to my pussy hole.
i have tried pressing my finger further inward, and it (very painfully) pinched my labia lips as it folded over on itself and the outer edge of my finger scrapped against the inside of the metal CB, taking a slight layer of skin off my finger. It was like a carpet burn for several days and less than comfortable! i stopped that motion and never tried it again!
The chastity belt is comfortable
Just like thong underwear or hair on my head don’t hurt, neither does the CB.
Of course, sometimes our clothing needs adjustments as we wear it through the day. As i walk and/or sit, the belt slips around just a tiny bit.
While i am clearly not a man, i have been told that men’s balls sometimes get caught in the folds of their pants as they sit down. So they learn to pull up their pants at the crotch area to give a bit of slack as they sit and more room for their balls to fit nicely into that spot. So sitting in the chastity belt has done the same for me. As i sit, i have learned to pull up on the pants, press on the front of the CB and to move slowly. This gives room for the CB to ensure it slides into a comfortable position as I end at the waist, so that my labia lips don’t get pinched inside the CB. This took awhile to learn, but now i can do it seamlessly.
Just like panties, at some point the feeling and awareness of having them on dissipates, so is the same for my belt. Like right now, as i type this, there is just one spot (probably only a single inch of it) on the waistband that must be a bit tight in the way i am sitting that i can feel. Otherwise, i can’t “feel” it despite it being in constant contact with my body. It is truly comfortable in that way.
i honestly like feeling a bit uncomfortable in it though too. Like the single inch i am aware of on the waistband at the moment that i can feel, keeps my mind in the here and now. It reminds me i DO have it on and i have it on for a reason.
So sometimes it is slightly uncomfortable too, but i actually think that’s a good thing. It’s not so uncomfortable that it hurts, but only so much that i am aware of its existence. And it makes me mentally reminded who i submit to and why! (And yearn to be allowed release from the CB and be allowed an orgasmic release too!)
Bathroom
i suspect this is the part you really care about and i wouldn’t be surprised if you skipped ahead to read just this alone! That’s cool.
When i have access to the key, i just take the belt off for bathroom breaks as that’s much easier and simpler. Realistically though, having the key sort of defeats the purpose of having the CB which is to restrict access. While wearing the CB at anytime does make access more challenging and even front of mind, when i have the key i could take it off and play with myself … or let someone else play with me …. anytime i truly wanted. So i ultimately prefer to NOT have the key!
And when i have to use the bathroom with the belt on, i manage just fine but it is more of a process too.
TO URINATE i sit down, spread my legs wide where one leg is literally on each side of the toilet bowl. Then i put my one finger inside the very top of the belt to press it slightly forward giving a bit of extra “space” down there, and release the urine.A close up of the shield and the urine holes on the belt i currently wear.
Because there are holes in the front shield that covers my pussy, most of the urine comes out the holes, but some urine does also come out the sides too. That’s why i sit with legs very wide open, to allow that urine the space to drip out too.This is what the shield looks like on the Fancy Steel belt too. As you can see, the holes allow for easy urination to flow right through.
But some urine does get trapped inside the belt. This is where, if i am home, i have a water bottle beside the toilet that i use to squirt water down inside the belt and onto my puss. (Man is that some cold water too!). The added water forces the remaining urine to be washed out.
This is also where wiping becomes extra important and a bit of challenge too. First i wipe all along the left/right edges. Then i take another bit of toilet paper and press it inside and under the belt on either side. (Remember above when i said i can press a single finger on either side but it’s not enough to get past my labia lips and pleasure myself…..) This is where that small bit of space isn’t big enough to get my fingers really inside the belt, but paper is thinner and can effectively be pressed deeper between my pussy and the CB. i repeat this on both sides.
Lastly, i swipe the outer edges of the belt itself, in case any urine is lingering on the outside. This is the same as i would swipe my pussy if i was not wearing the belt.
Finally. When i am at home, i go and stand in front of our floor length fan in the bedroom, with my legs spread wide to allow the fan to air dry myself even further. This helps to ensure i truly get dry, which will prevent any yeast infections from happening but also to just get things all dry to not drip too.
All of this is a process for sure which is why i would prefer to NOT urinate in the chastity belt, but it happens. i have learned better bladder control now and i can hold it longer. (Not so long i could end up with a bladder infection, but i have strengthened my bladder muscles too. That’s a good thing!)
TO HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT is actually easier than urination, believe it or not! The belt has a metal circle ring in the back that is about 2’ish inches wide and long. i haven’t measured it exactly but that’s my guesstimation.
When i sit down on the toilet, similar to urinating, i open my legs wide where one leg is on either side of the bowl. i pull each butt cheek “apart.” This lets the belt’s metal hole get really wedged into my butt cheeks. This serves to line up the chastity belt hole RIGHT up against my anal hole. Plus, the belt effectively holds my butt cheeks open too.
i then stick a finger down to my anal hole to ensure it truly is aligned with the CB hole. It always is though but i like to be sure too.
And i poop. The same as always. To date, i have never NOT hit the hole. i have never had a mess or problem with the belt getting filthy at all. i honestly think missing the hole would be quite difficult actually as the hole is rather big.
And because the hole is big enough for the poop to pass through, as you can imagine, it’s big enough to wipe pretty well also. As well, with the CB hole wedged between my butt cheeks, the leftover poop is JUST on my anus hole and not on my butt cheeks or the CB. It just works well.
Showering
Showering is super easy. It’s substantially the same as always but … with my belt on. i know that sounds like i am being cheeky, but it isn’t intended to be.
Because the chastity belt is metal, it is water proof so water is of no consequence.
The lock used on the belt that i currently wear is not water proof, so i cover it up to take a shower. If it were to get wet and not be dried off, it would eventually rust. The snack-size ziplock bags work really well for this but of course, any covering works. And if i were to forget to cover it, as long as i dry it off, it should be fine.
When i get to washing my puss and anal hole, i lather soap into my hand and assume the sumo-wrestler position mentioned above. And i press one finger inward under the belt, while the other hand holds it outward from the waist hand as much as possible. And repeat on the other side. And then repeat to wipe all around the belt edges around my waist too.
Then to rinse, i take down the shower head, as it is a removable head, and i put the water right up onto my pussy. Just as the urine comes out of the holes on the front of the shield, the water (and soap) goes in and out as i move the shower head all around too.
i won’t lie, this tends to significantly arouse me, as the water is warm, super soft, touching my pussy. It’s the only stimulation my pussy gets, but it loves it too! In addition to being sit,usages, i generally become frustrated too, as i can’t ever get to orgasm with just edging from the water!
Sleeping with a chastity belt
Sleeping the first few nights was a challenge, but now is easy. the only reason it was a challenge was that my mind wouldn’t settle down. It was something new and at first i worried about the safety of doing it, but then i was just turned on and had to ignore it.
It isn’t really hard to get comfortable at all, since the CB is generally comfortable anyway. Now, it is what it is and it’s just no-big-deal.
The ability to hide my chastity belt under my clothes
I have literally worn every-single-thing in my wardrobe exact,y the same as i always do without a single issue!
No one can see anything, including myself.
That’s likely because the CB is fitted so closely to my body, and it is super thin, that you just can’t see it.
Ability to orgasm
In a nutshell: i can’t!
i can’t touch myself “enough” with the CB on to be successful to masturbate or orgasm. i can’t get anything (other than water) inside the holes, and that’s not enough either.
Mental
And WHY exactly do we want all this? Because it forces me to rely solely upon my husband for my sexual happiness and joy. It forces me to be keenly aware of who is in charge and who has control. It gives him mental and physical power over me.
The chastity belt creates a position of being MORE than just speaking the words, “i am your submissive wife and you are my Dominant in control.”
We talk more, we spend more time together, and we are more connected.
And…. i am able to eliminate all the negativity around “trying to be good and follow he rules,” while failing to have self control.
It literally gives him the key to (my heart and) my sex…. Which is entirely his to use or not… Which he does…. Which makes us both very happy.
This is working well for us.
So now you know. Now maybe you see that wearing the chastity belt is not terribly difficult to navigate but does require some changes to hygiene patterns. But clearly not impossible at all either. My hygiene is not compromised at all. And “if” it ever becomes an issue, i will “call red” and get out of the belt to get healthy again too.
My Sir loves and respects me, as i him.
While wearing the chastity belt is nowhere near a “normal activity,” for most women, this is a good thing for us. And i am happy about this.
David went to Florida for work today through Wednesday night for work. Again, he’s traveling. He has had to travel a lot lately.
His travel goes in streaks and this is one of them. i hate it, but of course, i can’t change it. i think he’s okay with it though. He rather likes traveling overall, which works well for someone who has to do it a lot like he has had to lately.
He left at 5am this morning, on Monday and he returns at 8pm on Wednesday night. A total of nearly 60-hours.
And this time, like many of the previous times David is out of town, i am back in my chastity belt.
This time, unlike some of the other previous times, i do NOT have the key.
i have no idea where it is, other than, “in our house,” which isn’t enough to be able to find it.
i don’t have the key because i needed to have some control taken away. In short, i had a privilege taken away.
As of late, we haven’t totally been on-point. We haven’t been totally off-point either. But, like anything not totally cared for properly, it starts to deteriorate. David hasn’t done maintenance spankings in awhile now, and i think he should have but i haven’t told him that. Instead, i have slowly and unintentionally become a bossy-little-brat-wife.
That led up to David getting so mad on Saturday he yelled at me. i probably deserved (some) of it, but some of it, i did not. When he yelled at me, i got incredibly angry. But. i didn’t say a word. Not-A-Single-Word!
In the past, when he’d get mad and yell, i would yell back. But now, i do not. While i could speak my concerns, “speak” is the key word. And because i was ANGRY i knew there was no way i would speak!
At the end of his yelling, he told me if i had a lot more to say (my mouth was what got me in trouble in the first place!) about the topic, i could walk home. You have NO idea just how close i was to doing it! Talking AND walking.
In the past, i would have challenged his words and called his bluff. i would have demanded to get out of the car and started walking. The dumb thing is that would only hurt myself and does nothing for or to him. And in the D/s world i live in now, Sir would actually let me out and i would be walking. Maybe not the entire way, but enough to wish i hadn’t been so stupid too. Because now, David (almost always) says what he means and means what he says.
So i sat in the vehicle in silence. Complete silence.
After about 10’ish minutes he asked me, “are you good?”
i wasn’t entirely sure i was, but i said i was. After i said that and thought about it more, i started to tell him i was NOT ok. But what was i going to say after that, that would make any difference whatsoever. i asked myself, “What can be said that would make a positive difference? What can i say that would end well?”
i couldn’t think of a single thing.
i also couldn’t think of a logical answer to the questions, “if you weren’t ok, then WHY did you say you were? Did you lie to me??”
So i continued to be silent.
After a bit of more silence, i really did become “ok.” And we began the trek to both being back to normal. Not long thereafter, we were indeed ok.
Yesterday (Sunday) when i was talking with David, i asked him why he got so mad and why he yelled at me. i also asked him why he allowed it to get that bad. His answer was simple, “laziness.”
Now today he went out of town and said he was hiding the key because control was something i had a little too much of lately and we needed to get him (not me) back into the proper position of control he so rightfully deserves.
i was a-ok with that. The belt went on, the lock snapped shut, and the key laid in his hand and then it went away.
Shortly thereafter Sir leaned in, kissed me goodbye, and he left.
It took all of an hour and i was ready to be out. Not because i needed it, but because i wanted it.
i wanted the control back. But i shouldn’t have it and it’s good that i don’t. This is good for both of us.
