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47 – Submission is easy… until it’s not

Most days, submission is easy. Some days…. not so.

SUBMISSION – it isn’t a difficult concept really.

RULES = FOLLOWED = REWARDS

RULES = NOT FOLLOWED = PUNISHMENTS

And the rules i have, just really aren’t a big deal. i mean, David is fair and reasonable. And he doesn’t demand much. In fact, if i were in charge, i’d have more rules and require more compliance… but that would lead to bigger rewards and especially more punishment too!

But i think, in some sense anyway, because David is sooooo very reasonable, i probably use that to my advantage. i don’t exactly think this through mind you. It’s not like, i’m over here going, “Hey, let me take advantage of Sir to my benefit and get what i want under the guise of submission.” i’m NOT thinking that what-so-ever! But maybe, on some level, that may be kinda-sorta-what’s happening – i dunno?!?!?!

So what am i specifically rambling about?!? Okay – here’s the message of the day….

David had to go out of the country for work for almost a week. And where we was at, is/ was 7 hours ahead of me. i tend to get sexually wound-up in the evenings, which was in the middle of the night where he was. i have a “RULE OF SUBMISSION” to ask permission to masturbate and orgasm. But HOW can i do that when he’s sleeping?!

Okay, you probably know what happened…..

Y-E-S – okay, i did it! Without permission. Twice. Okay, so maybe once was a ‘oops, i should have asked’ but the second time…. no excuse, right? well…… i happen to agree. But i felt like i ‘needed‘ it. There are times when i feel like i just HAVE to cum….RIGHT….NOW. And i don’t know how to control that. And when i couldn’t ask… well… i just let things happen. uncontrollable.

And the day before David came home, i confessed. He said very little. When i asked about what he was thinking or why he hadn’t said anything, his response was, “There’s nothing I can do from here. And when I get home, I will deal with this. Until then, we will not discuss it.”

Yikes.

Okay, i deserve it.

When he got home… my ass was turned VERY RED. i got a spanking that hurt-like-hell. We do have yellow (slow down) and red (STOP) emergency words, but i have NEVER used either one and i have ZERO plans to EVER do so. i figure if i ever get close to that trouble, i will use it, but honestly, i deserve the punishment at the time i get it. Because, again, i don’t really get into trouble much and when i do get in trouble, David is very reasonable. And again, i’d be much more harsh than he is if i were in control.

He made me stand in the corner. Naked. And wait.

And wait.

And when he came to the bedroom, he said, “Assume the position”. Which means i stand with feet on the floor, hands on the bed, and ready to be spanked. i did.

He got the paddle out. i could hear it. i cringed. But he couldn’t see my face because he’s behind me. And yet, i’m accepting. i know this is going to hurt.

And he hits my ass about 10 x’s all over. Warm up. Already it hurts and this is JUST a warm up.

And then he pulls back and paused. i cringed more as i knew it was about to start.

S-M-A-C-K. WOW. It came hard.

Again, and again and again. And it happened so many times i lost count. He doesn’t make me count. But i do. Somewhere around 25 i lost complete count and had to focus on not saying yellow. i didn’t want to say that at all. i knew it was earned fair-and-square.

And finally, when tears were in my eyes, he stopped.

When he asked me if i was regretting my actions, i had to stop and think. i knew the right answer was ‘yes’ and in THIs moment i was…..but frankly, when i get horny and feel like i’m not in control of my emotions, i would do it again. And again. Without asking. So i told him that i want to be regretful, but i don’t know that i am.

David decided that if i can’t help myself, maybe i need to be helped.

There’s preventative and detective type of punishment. Detective is after the fact getting punished. And then there’s preventative, as in, can’t get in trouble if you aren’t in that position in the first place.

So …. David told me i need preventative help…..

And now we are investigating and looking into locking female chastity belts. i am equally excited and fearful of this.

But so far – the ones we’ve found are SO DAMN EXPENSIVE! (HOLY CRAP!!!).

Anyone use or wear or buy these? Any you’d recommend? That are effective AND price-conscious?!

46 – First spanking in 2020

So it didn’t take me long! In our re-start of D/s, i wasted NO time in getting my backside set in pain.. in grand form.

Hindsight is 20/20. Get it?! HIND and the year is 2020? Okay, maybe a bad joke. But i liked it. lol.

So this happened yesterday. i got soooo mad at a client at work. And that was right before i came home, so the entire commute home i stewed about it. So when i got home, i was still mad.

When David asked me how my day was, i told him (calmly.. …mostly…… okay, maybe not at all calmly…. i tried!) about how mad i was at this client and why. That’s when he started giving me advice and suggestions for how to deal with the client and the situation. The only thing was, i didn’t want or need his advice. i only told him … (okay, i’ll admit it ….NOT so calmly) … because he asked.

i do recognize that David was only trying to help. But i didn’t want his help. And i let him know…. in a not-so-calm kind of way.

i raised my voice … in frustration really.. and said, “i know all that already. This client is unreasonable and there’s no solution. So stop trying to help. And of course i was standing in front of him when i said this, so i ended with “can i go now?” i wasn’t even sure if i needed to ask if i could go, but given how i got to that moment, it felt natural to say outloud to him.

That’s when he said, “Excuse me? T-H-A-T is inappropriate. I think you might need to have an attitude adjustment.”

i very calmly (yes, it was calm this time because i knew i’d gone over the edge at this point)….said, “might or definite?”

He said, “Definite. N-O-W. Go get undressed and prepare yourself. i have things to do and i’ll be there when i’m there” i knew he was mad. Rightfully so.

So i did as instructed. i didn’t argue. i knew i shouldn’t have used the tone i did. But i was just so mad and he sent me over the edge.. and i lost control of myself. You know how you ‘take it out on the ones you love most”?? Well, that’s what happened. i clearly couldn’t yell at my client, so i yelled at David. Inappropriately.

i went to our bedroom and prepared for the spanking. i got undressed. Completely. As required. i assumed the spank position, which is where i stand on the floor, feet shoulder-width apart, hands on the bed, face looking at the bed (and my hands), feet squarely on the floor.

He likes for me to keep my heels on the floor when getting spanked and NOT MOVE. Impossible. No-can-do. As much as i try, i’ve NEVER succeeded in this. And that gets me into even more trouble. i happen to think physics won’t allow it. i mean when you spank, you send the butt forward, which causes the heels to leave the floor. Am i right or wrong? If wrong, any suggestions for being successful with this?!? i’ll gladly listen!!

i waited.

i’m not sure how long, but it felt about 15 minutes. Maybe longer. It was definitely long enough to really think about my situation and how i treated Sir. How it should have gone. How it will now be properly corrected. And to make my legs and arms a bit stiff from being in position. But i know better than to move too.

He came in. He said, “Do you know why we are here?”

“Yes Sir. i disrespected you by yelling at you and taking my anger out on you when you were only trying to help.”

“So are you prepared to accept your punishment now?”
“Yes Sir, i am”.

And he pulled the paddle out of the drawer. i couldn’t see it, but i know where it’s kept and i definitely recognized the sound of the drawer opening and closing. The paddle is Sir’s favorite tool. It hurts. It is big enough that with just one swing it covers my entire ass, so every single swing is a complete and total sting to my complete butt. No escape even when he moves his aim. It’s all the same. Pain all over from the first to the last swing of the paddle.

And the first one came. (H-O-L-Y CRAPPPPP….. it’s been a LONG time since we’ve done this. And i forgot just how painful that paddle is. And i knew he was reserving his swing to warm me up, but probably also to do the same for himself since we both were out of practice. And my heels came off the floor. Of course.)

And the second one. (how many can i take today? and my heels came off the floor and i’m already doing a little dance. Unacceptable and i know it!)

That’s when he says, “We are trying something different. Follow me. Now”.

So he walks to the kitchen. David does all the cooking in our house. i found this really cool, custom made Lazy Susan for the table to give him for Christmas. He pulled it to the edge of the table. He said, “Rest your hands, palm down, on this Lazy Susan. If it moves, or if your hands come off of it, you’ll regret it and receive even more punishment.”

THAT was a sexy turn on for me. i absolutely LOVE it when he takes charge and tells me what to do.. even when i’m in trouble. i felt my pussy let out it’s juices.

i did as i was told.

And immediately, i felt the next swing of the paddle hit. And my hands moved the Lazy Susan. Sir said, “Oh that was bad.”

And then he peppered my ass with a bunch of swats over and over and over. And i was surprised at how fast they came and they were causing my ass to sting something fierce. It was on fire!

i wasn’t good about the Lazy Susan not moving OR the heels coming off the floor at all. So Sir said, “you are not doing well with my instructions. I’m going to make your ass pay for this.”

And he did. Over and over again.

i tried to keep count, but i failed. Sir doesn’t make me count out loud, but i do try to do it in my head as it gives me something to focus on. But he was going so fast and hard that i lost count in a hurry.

And not only that, my ass was burning so badly with every-single-swing of the big ass-covering sized paddle that it was all i could do to try to take it with grace.

i felt the tears well up. i’ve never cried. i don’t know if i felt tears because of how long it had been since i was in this position and out of shape, or if Sir was going extra hard for having gotten mad and making a point here, or maybe it was my own mind working to break my spirited self. No matter ‘why’ i suppose really.

But as soon as i felt the tears forming, Sir said, “we are done with this spanking.” And i stood up, and he hugged me and kissed me. Told me he was proud of me and i did as i always do, i said, “Thank you Sir for the discipline. Thank you for being my head of house and thank you for your love.”

To which i thought then all would be forgiven, but instead, Sir said, “We aren’t quite done with the discipline though.” THIS is new…

He took me to the food pantry – still very naked and with a VERY sore butt that was throbbing in high gear – and said, “Stick out your tongue.”

And he grabbed the hot sauce. i HATE HOT STUFF. And Sir knows it. He LOVES hot stuff. So he has multiple bottles of it with varying heat. Thankfully, he chose a low-level heat sauce. (i’m not so sure the next time will be with the low-heat hot sauce).

He opened the bottle, poured some into his hand, and said, “Lick my hand clean.”

i cringed. But i did it. And immediately felt my tongue go hot. And then i swallowed. HOLY CRAP the back of my throat is on FIRE now.

He said, “You received the spanking for the disrespect and anger you showed, but this is for the volume you used. Next time you should consider chosing your words and volume more carefully.”

i said very simply, “Yes Sir.”

And then i swallowed. And it burned even more. That fire was in my throat for about 30-minutes and the tears came back to my eyes.

That’s when he said, “All is forgiven now.”
To which i responded with a simple, “Thank you Sir”

And waited for the burn in my ass and on my throat to subside.

That’s when i went to get dressed. i was surprised to find that my nipples were erect and my pussy was very wet. i didn’t expect to find that much arousal from this, but i know i love David so much for the discipline he administers and for being the Head of my life that it does get me excited. So i suppose i wasn’t really surprised for being wet.. but rather at how wet i was. He didn’t touch me sexually. He doesn’t when it is true discipline and i’m glad for that because that just gets confusing then.

So even though my renewed D/s first week hasn’t gone toooooo swell for my tongue or my ass, i’m grateful for Sir’s leadership and reinstalled corrections. The rest of the night was without issue and all really was forgiven and forgotten, to which i’m grateful for as well. Pre D/s the first time or even in recent months, we would have been in a huge fight and it would have lasted hours. Not now. We have effective resolution management.

In case you are wondering, my ass is still a bit sore today and slightly bruised. And tomorrow is when we resume our weekly maintenance day. Oh-My.

Hugs,

Marie

43 – Spanking gone wrong. :(

So i haven’t been here since September 2019 and it is now JANUARY 2020! Mainly because Sir and i got into a HUGE fight … my fault…. and we stopped doing D/s and DD altogether…….

Life was good. Mostly. But not entirely.

In my humble opinion, Sir was being lazy. He kept threatening to discipline, for true or believed transgressions, and then never did. He’d say, “Tonight after our (15-year old) son is not within ear shot, you will be spanked.” And then, “Oh, I’m too tired. Maybe tomorrow.” And tomorrow he’d forget, not care, say something like, “I’m sure you’ll do better today and let’s forget about it.” Of course, his laziness led to my rebelliousness. i’m blaming him now for being the start of it, but like everything in life, there’s no real start or finish so maybe it was me that started it so maybe i’m to blame?!?!

So i was irritated and felt rebellious…. i decided what i did (or didn’t do) didn’t matter. As there are no ‘real’ consequences.

And i got out my vibrator and decided to make myself happy. And i did. i left it out in plain sight, on purpose, daring him to say something. And he did. i was actually happy he did, because he wasn’t ignoring me or the behavior.

He asked me, “Why is this out?”

i said, “Because i used it.”

He said, “Did you cum? Without permission?”

And i said, “Yes”

And he said, “Why? You know all you had to do was ask and I’d have said yes.”

i said, “Because i knew you’d say yes, so i decided it didn’t matter if i asked or not, so i just did it.”

That’s when he said, “you’ll have to be spanked tonight.” (here we go again….)

i rolled my eyes and said, “Ok”. and went about my business.

i was mad for multiply reasons:

1) i think my point is valid – if he’s ALWAYS going to say yes, WHY ask?! What’s the point? and

2) And furthermore, what are the odds of him ACTUALLY following through on a spanking …. none!

So …. i was irritated.

To my complete shock, about 3 hours later, while watching football (His FAVORITE!!!!), he said, “it’s time to get a spanking,” and he laughed and smiled. i honestly thought he was joking because it was football season, a weekend, and he was watching the game.

So i didn’t move but just said, “oh, okay.” (knowing this basically was daring him to do something, but honestly believing he wouldn’t!)

That’s when he got mad and said, “NOW!” and he stood up, grabbed me up off the couch, and basically pulled me into the bedroom when he then (in an angry voice) said, “I shouldn’t have to miss MY game to discipline you! Nor should I have to tell you twice to move! And I shouldn’t have to force you in here! Don’t make me do this again!”

i knew he was serious so i dropped my pants and laid across the bed. But i was SO mad. i was thinking, “WHY NOW? Over an orgasm?! Seriously?! What about the time i did (fill in the blank) and that didn’t matter?!?” But all this was just in my head. i didn’t say this out loud of course.

With no preamble, he grabbed the wooden paddle and swung. HARD. It HURT. and then again. There was NO warm up… it was a “get the job done so I can get back to my game” type of event. And with every swing, i got madder yet!

On the third swing i was VERY mad. i felt he was being unreasonable. And i decided this whole lifestyle was stupid. i was getting spanked for cumming. (SERIOUSLY!?!?)

So i stood up, looked at him and said, “I’M DONE!” and walked to the closet to put on clothes.

He followed me in there and said, “NO you are NOT done! Get out here and into position!”

And i basically yelled, “NO!” and walked out.

He threw the paddle down and said, “FINE! NO MORE ANYTHING! GET RID OF ALL THE SEX TOYS AND EVERY DISCIPLINE INSTRUMENTS TODAY! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE! BECAUSE SHORT OF ABUSE, I CAN’T MAKE YOU DO THIS!”

And i yelled, “FINE!”

and with that…. we haven’t spoken about any of it since……Until….. 2 days ago, when i texted him a simple message that said, “i miss spanking.” and he responded with, “Me too.”

i’ll tell you more about what’s happened in between then and now … in the next post.

Hugs,

Marie

38 – Orgasm control sucks

So ever since i asked for a spanking, David has become ever the leader in our house. We had gotten away from DD … not from an intentional discussion or decision, but really just from “life” getting in the way.

And i realized how much i needed it, and i missed it, and i wanted it back. So i asked to be spanked. And i asked to go back to DD and him being the leader of our house. And ever since that day a month’ish ago…..

Now ….. he’s R-E-AL-L-Y in control.

And i didn’t appreciate how much control i had.

Specifically over my ability to pleasure myself and to orgasm.

But he wants control over my mind AND body. And in my head, i’m like, “YES! i want you in control.” But in my nether parts, i’m thinking more like, “he’s a man. He likes to be pleasured and i can get what i want by giving him what he wants”.

i tried hard to seduce Sir tonight. i was horny and wanted to have him. So i started by flirting. i did ask if i could kiss him. (He said yes). So i started out correctly. Then i sat beside him, took my top down, and started rubbing on him. Starting at his chest and working down.

And he grabbed my hand and said, “stop being so aggressive.”

i smiled and said, “i’d like to make you happy.”

He responded with, “NO, you want to make YOU happy.”

He knows me too well.

So he told me to stop or else i’d regret it. i didn’t. i kept on.

And he stood up and went and got the paddle.

He laid back down on the couch and looked me square in the eye with the paddle in hand and said, “are you sure you want to continue? You will regret it!”

So i stopped. And pouted. He told me to stop being a brat or else i’d regret that too.

Great. i’m turned on and can’t get him turned on. In all fairness, he WAS watching a tv show when i “got aggressive.”

So i sat on the floor next to him and waited. Topless of course.

When the second commercial came on, he said, “stand up.” So i did. And he said “because you made better choices in the end, i’m going to reward you. Show me that pussy.” So i lifted the nightgown i had on (a sexy one, not your grandma’s!) and because that was the only thing i had on, his tongue connected with my parts.

And oh-my…. i was in heaven and my eyes rolled back in my head. And when i asked if i could cum, he pulled away and said, “no.” And he was DONE.

What?? You are done?? You can’ttttttt be! NO… don’t stop…..

He said, “discipline. We need to work on it. With orgasms AND you’re ability to follow instructions the first time. Now go sit down and let me watch my show.”

So while i respect him, i don’t always listen to him. At least not the first time anyway. Ugh.

And he’s probably right about me needing to learn to listen the FIRST time, to follow directions, and understand great things come to those who wait. (Ok, fine…not “probably right”…. he IS right. Happy? i admitted it even to you!)

Additionally, there’s more than one way to get a point across. He didn’t have to use the paddle, just the sight of it and the orgasm control was all it took to have it’s full effect.

But now i reallyyyyyyyyyy want to cum.

When i told him that, he said, “maybe tomorrow.”

i’m going to struggle to wait til tomorrow. And i can only hope that tomorrow will be the day.

So that’s that. i officially don’t like orgasm control. But i do like David being in control…. i really do. i love him and our marriage…. leadership, denial, and punishments too. Really…. i mean it….punishments too – because while it hurts, it makes me show respect and submission and that is the biggest turn on of all!

Hugs,

Marie

22 – WHY did i do it?

David and i don’t have many official “rules” to our DD.  But, like any good marriage, we do have some.

WHY do we have rules? 

Well, EVERY marriage has rules… who’s responsible for laundry, dishes, cooking, kids, paying bills, etc.  Maybe they are literally spelled out but they are inherent. It keeps things flowing in the right direction.  Right?

So our DD relationship also has rules.  Some anyway.  Again, we don’t have many, but the ones we have are there for a reason.

What rule am i talking about?

i like to take warm, soaking baths.  When we started this DD relationship, David made it clear to me he wanted me to ASK PERMISSION to take a bath.  Every time.  And i have done that.  Until today.

i just ‘decided’ to take a bath.  Without asking.  Without permission.   And i didn’t really care.  i knew the rule.  i knew i was supposed to ask.  And i just didn’t care.

After math…

So after i got out of the tub, i decided to rat myself out.  i texted Sir (he wasn’t home when i did the deed.)… and the text simply read, “i took a bath.”

And a few minutes later i get a text back that read, “did you enjoy it?”

“Yep”

“But you didn’t ask.”

“I know.  That’s why I’m telling you now.”

“But you knew I’d say yes.”

“True”

What made me do it?

i’m not entirely sure, but after i’ve thought about it NOW,  i can tell you what i think….

  • i was feeling self-indulgent.  i wanted to do something ‘for me’.
  • i was completely certain he’d say yes to it (even he said so – see text above), so why even have this rule?  What does it matter?  Just do it and maybe this dumb rule can be eliminated altogether.  Maybe even he will see that it is dumb.
  • what if today is “the” day he says no?  i didn’t want to chance Sir saying NO, so i decided to do it.  (Better to ask forgiveness than permission?!?!)

Let’s break this down…..

  • i was feeling self-indulgent.  i wanted to do something ‘for me’. 

Well of course i was.  i was “entitled” to something for me.  Right?  WRONG!  i acted like a spoiled little brat.  And while i didn’t think of it this way when i did it, i certainly now think it probably was a bratty thing to do.  (i never thought i was a ‘brat’ until maybe today.)

  • i was completely certain he’d say yes to it (even he said so – see text above), so why even have this rule?  What does it matter?  Just do it and maybe this dumb rule can be eliminated altogether.  Maybe even he will see that it is dumb.

So frankly there’s a lot in this thought.

First:  “He’s going to say yes”.  Okay, so what?  That tells me merely that Sir is trustworthy and consistent.  That shouldn’t be taken for granted.  AND the decision to say yes/ no wasn’t mine to make, it was his.  i’ve previously given him that decision-making-power, and today, i chose to take it back.  It wasn’t mine to take back.

Second:  “Dumb rule”.  Okay, so what.. again?  Even if i think it’s dumb, there’s some reason Sir put it out there from the start, made me think i needed to rat myself out, and David called me out on it today.  Not every rule in life makes sense to me, but like some of those others, maybe they are there for “my own good”.  And maybe i just need to follow the rules and not question them so much.  And i’m certainly not in a position of authority to be able to change them.

So accept them, follow them, and no one gets hurt!

And speaking of “HURT”……

Well, David is still not home yet.  In fact, i don’t expect him home for several more hours.  But my butt is already raw.. not literally , yet anyway.  But i’m WELL aware that it will be.  Just sitting here typing i can already appreciate how sore my butt will be the next time i sit down to do anything.

WHY DID I DO THIS?

i’m not entirely sure, because if i’d thought through everything i just did here BEFORE i’d broken the rule, i’d not be contemplating the soon-to-be-inflicted pain.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie