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202 – Types of Spankings

While a spanking is just what it sounds like, there are still different types and each type is used for a different purpose.

i want to talk about each one now and how we use them in our relationship dynamic.

In general though: ALL SPANKINGS HURT.

Honestly, that’s the point. They wouldn’t be worth doing at ALL if they didn’t. i am always walking away from a spanking with a sore butt. How sore or for how long it’s sore is what changes.

And each type serves a different ultimate purpose too. So again, they all hurt, but depending on the goal, it may be a little hurt or a lotta hurt.

So with that – i will talk about the types in terms of least hurt to most hurt….

1) Sexy fun. Most of the time, when sex is involved, the spanking is the least important part, causing it to be the least painful of all spankings.

This is typically the fun, smack-you-on-the-ass and inspire one another to have a better sex scene in the process.

Mostly this spanking is not on that is a “you are here to be spanked” event, but rather “you are here to be fucked – oh, and I’m going to spank you too.”

Sometimes after these, i don’t feel any pain what do ever. It was a sting in the moment and all done with that, and on to the good part!

2) Stress relief. For me OR Him. Frequently i come home stressed out. And when i do, it results in me being cranky, sometimes rude, and short tempered overall.

David usually doesn’t stand for this long. It can go on a day or two before he acts, depending on the circumstances but rarely does it go longer. That’s when he says “the stress….and attitude… will stop now. Go assume the position.”

These are more intentional than the sex spanks, and can be one of the longest types of spanking. Sir starts out with the warm-up-the-butt to get the blood flowing and from there smack! When there are warm up spanks, the blood is flowing better to the area and your bottom responds better to the harder smacks.

As such, the ultimate result is effective! The stress tends to subside, along with my attitude. Primarily because it immediately gives me something else to focus on.

These vary in length, but generally are enough to turn my ass red. And i usually feel it for the remainder of the day.

3) Friday maintenance. These hurt. Yes, i know i said they all hurt, and they do. But of the types spoken about so far, this is the first one that i would say i usually respect, always accept, but NEVER want.

i’d probably say these are most understood by people who don’t practice it, both in and out of the DD lifestyle. The purpose is to reinforce the good. A lot of people ask, “why spank if it ain’t broke?” Well, it’s a physical, tangible reminder of what could be a lot worse (punishment) if things were indeed broken.

The words, “it could be a lot worse” are key. It’s a sample of something that could be a lot worse! And when that sample proves to be enough to instill the thoughts of, “if THIS is maintenance, i do NOT want to go to the full-on spanking!” And it causes me to rethink my behavior, and act right before it does become broken!

Maintenance spankings usually cause me to get back on track in a hurry! They have never made me cry, but i won’t lie, it has been close a few times too. They don’t usually have the warm-up-spanks as they are intended to hurt more. It can be anywhere grim 5-25’ish swats, where most are delivered with intention. They always make my ass sting and turn red, with bruising on occasion. And it always hurts the rest of the day, sometimes into the next day too.

Most of the time, our maintenance is scheduled. But sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes it is impromptu. When this happens, it’s because my behavior is not quite bad enough for a full spanking, but definitely not to be ignored and a warning isn’t enough either.

But it always hurts. Because ALL spankings do.

And it’s effective in (usually) avoiding the BIG one!

4) Discipline. Grand daddy of all! Ok, these are just down right painful. By design. They hurt. A lot. Always.

These are for the express purpose of correcting a wrong. These are the ones everyone thinks about when they think about spankings.

These are the ones that “make you remorseful for your actions” type. The kind that usually make me cry, my bottom hurt for a longgggg time, and i regret those bad decisions. Immediately.

They are extremely effective. And they temper the bad behavior, cause me to wish i had never done it, and (try) to never do it again.

i have landed myself here only a handful of times. That’s good! But when i do land here, i never want to be here again. Every time i start promising to be better, begging for it to stop, waiting and hoping Sir will deem the repentance acceptable and complete.

Tears ALWAYS fall. And they should too. If I land myself here, i should be made to regret it. (And so should any sub! If you are not ever here, then your Dom isn’t spanking hard enough. And if you are the Dom and never seen her cry, you need to rethink if those disciplines are effective!)

That said, i honestly don’t even remember the last time i had one of these. i would need to scroll back through my posts to find it, read it, and remember that way. That’s good AND bad.

It’s good that i usually am not in need of these. i usually do the right thing. i am usually on the right side of the submissiveness measurement stick!

It’s also bad though. Because when i can’t remember AND i develop a “i don’t give a shit” attitude, i tend to land myself back to this level of punishment.

i think this is the one that generates the most comments on my site. People are either turned on (and likely orgasming!) to my stories…. OR…. They become convinced i am being abused – physically AND mentally. i get more comments and emails about this type of post every-single-time.

i am ok with the generated excitement – both good and bad. i know i am NOT turned on by punishment spankings because i am too busy focusing on “how can i get this stop and NEVER happen again”. i also know i am NOT abused in any way. i accept the punishment willingly. And i am of sound mind that i know he has not brainwashed me into this either.

For the record, i usually can’t sit down without feeling the sting for somewhere between 24-48 hours. But i have never had permanent marks, or otherwise damaged skin or bones or body! (Again, NOT abused!)

So – since it’s Friday – i will leave you with a pic of an ass that looks pretty similar to mine after Sir executed a particularly intense maintenance spanking…..

201 – Who’s in Control Anyway?

Does a submissive give up control? Does a Dom take control? Is the submissive still in control? Does a Dom really have control over anything at all?

These are a few questions i find myself thinking about this morning.

Ultimately i don’t think the CONTROL belongs to anyone… except of course, to yourself. Meaning, i need to control me and he needs to control him. Controlling the other should not a prize to be won or an award to be given, nor is it the ultimate goal.

David is quite stressed out right now. And i am not. This is the scenario that gets me into the most trouble because i have more time to be thinking about how to be the best submissive i can be. You might think that’s a good thing, and frequently it can be. Until it’s not.

When i think too much about being the best submissive, i tend to (basically) become obsessed with it which means i look to David for direction in my quest for “more”. Which is a recipe for disaster really, because it’s then that when i do not receive the feedback (attention!) i am seeking that i do not respond with my best-submissive-self. So it is self destructive behaviors and leads to problems. In addition, when i am in this mood if seeking this feedback (reassurances) i become needy. Needy of a strong dominant. And i can see why he thinks i am wanting him to “control” me.

Of course, remember, i already said he’s been stressed out. Work has been hectic for him and due to circumstances beyond his control (ie other’s procrastination!) he finds himself up against deadlines that are quite possibly too tight to meet., but he has to try.

So instead of being the best-submissive …. Who leaves my Sir alone and tries to make myself less of a burden to him….. i don’t. When i become obsessed with being the best of the best, i become needy to seek out the reassurances and direction from him that i am doing good.

Reassurances that he has ZERO time for.

So yesterday i got onto his very last nerve and i heard him say, “I don’t have time to control you! If that’s what you need, go find another Dom!”

Now … don’t misunderstand…. he wasn’t telling me he wanted to get divorced, or to go away, or to be unfaithful, or anything permanent.

He was genuinely meaning, “TODAY I don’t have time, I am stressed out, and if you really want or need reassurances then (maybe) find the second Dom that we’ve been talking about. Because today it is just too much for me, and a second Dom could prove useful right now for both of us.”

So knowing his intentions behind the second sentence were not bad, and actually could be a good thing/helpful was ultimately fine for me. But the first sentence is what bothered me…….

“I don’t have time to control you!”

What went through my head were thoughts like this….

– Does he really think i want him to control me??

– Doesn’t he see that all he has to do is control himself and i will follow?

– He doesn’t control my decision to follow, nor will he ever, so don’t i ultimately have the control?

– How can i follow someone who is just busy trying to figure out how to control me? Isn’t that circular referencing?

Well…. The time to get answers to ANY of those questions was NOT yesterday in that moment. (Likely not today either!). Had i continued on, it would have lead to an argument, at best. i could also tell that while the best thing for me having stirred up the pot so much would have been to have received a discipline of some sort, it was NOT going to go down that way….

Had i received the discipline i so clearly deserved, it would have been: a) feeding into my sub-frenzy, b) distracting for David, who desperately needed to focus on the work he is doing, c) been more of ME in control (aka: Topping from the Bottom) and i don’t control him anymore than he controls me! Yet, i sure was trying to “control” him right into disciplining me!

Had i been in control, which obviously i am not, i would’ve made me go stand in the corner until further notice. It would’ve given me (as David) the opportunity to get the work done without being bugged by me (his sub). It also would’ve given me (the sub) the ability to reflect on how much i was NOT being a sub when i was busy causing unnecessary distractions.

Then when I (as David) took a break, because eventually I would, I would’ve told me (as Submissive) to assume the position. And I (as David) would’ve delivered a spanking that went something like this…..

“You will count and thank me for every single swat of this paddle. I had NO time for your shenanigans today, so I am taking a break to teach you a lesson while also relieving my stress on your ass. Do NOT EVER push me to this place again when you KNOW I am stressed to meet this work deadline.”

Smack! (oh wow. This hurt from the very second he started!)

“One Sir. Thank you Sir.”

“Trying to push me into dominating you at a time that is convenient for you isn’t how a good sub should be. Stop Topping from the Bottom!”

Smack! “Two Sir. Thank you Sir.”

“Telling me how to dominate isn’t being submissive at all. I will not tolerate you trying to act like you are ‘letting me know how needy’ you are. That is completely unnecessary.”

Smack! “Three Sir. Thank you Sir.”

And it would’ve continued from there until i (as sub) was seemingly acting sufficiently remorseful.

But that’s not how it went. And in the end, it probably went better than my version. What actually happened was i apologized for my behavior, for trying to push David into something he didn’t want to be bothered with, and we (more or less) went about our separate business for the day.

i tried very hard to be “ok” with what felt to me like i was being ignored and to not even let on to him what all was really going on in my head. i think it – mostly – worked.

i say that it worked because we didn’t get into a fight, i didn’t get my way, and David was able to get done a lot of what was needed. No, he’s not met the (likely impossible!) deadline, but he was able to get done as much as he could without distractions too.

In the end, i don’t want him to control me…. i need to control me. And i need to be reminded (by him and/or myself) not to try to control him and let him control him. When we each just control ourselves, especially within the framework of our DD relationship, it works.

i don’t know if i will be punished or not… not sure it matters… in some ways by not getting my way, i learned my lesson. i just hope it sticks.

Hugs,

Marie

200 – TWO HUNDRED posts later

i have tried to think of some “wow” kind of post for the #200. i would be lying if i didn’t say that i am wow’d that i am to this place and that i have gotten this far. i recognize there have been some spots of “intermission” between my blog posts, but now more than 2-years later, i am still blogging and still loving my disciplined life!

This feels like some kind of milestone to be celebrated, and yet, i can’t think of a better post to craft than what i already had in mind before i realized it was the BIG 2-0-0.

So. ——— Boring it is ———- That’s the topic.

Yep. BORING.

This is the best word to describe how DD goes sometimes. Depending on the particular rules in place for a submissive, it could be nothing more than “waiting to screw up”. Meaning, there’s not always a lot to DO to be submissive. i mean, how much work is it to “be respectful”? Seriously, not a lot of WORK. i’m certainly not saying i get it right all the time, but it’s sometimes not “work” to be submissive either.

Think about it. When you go to work, you have tasks to DO. When you come home and have chores, you have things to DO.

And when i have nothing TO DO, it causes me to sometimes be bored. And to crave something TO -DO as it’s relates to me being submissive.

i think the times i feel most inclined to want to DO is generally the times when i am most desirous of doing things like wearing anal plugs or chastity belts, and getting naked when he tells me to and sitting beside him even when he doesn’t ask me to. If for no other reason, i feel like i am DOING something. And that “something” is pleasing to my Sir, which makes me feel even more happy to DO it too.

But to be submissive there’s just not a lot to DO really. Unless i am given what i call, “submissive tasks”

Some tasks that give me something to DO, can lead to positive, action forward results. Whereas other tasks are waiting for me to screw it up, which leads to negative and punishments to ensue. When i have nothing to DO (positively), that is typically the times where i start to do bad things (brat!) that lead to testing David about how far he will go before he enforces the punishment.

i read a few articles about this and about what types of tasks are good or useful. i put together the list below of what i liked most…. oh, and i put them into some broad categories just to be able to group them together.

SEXUAL: of COURSE this needs to be a thing! i mean, why would it NOT be? AND let’s start with the best first!

  • Told i can not ever orgasm unless i am within his eyesight. After all, it’s HIS pussy!
  • ALWAYS ask to orgasm, even if it is at your hand or cock. [this one we do now, but thought i’d add it to the list just to show it]. And deny me the release frequently … so i respect and appreciate the ones i am allowed that much more but i also so i don’t assume the answer will always be yes.
  • Be told to suck his cock at any random time for as long as he likes or until he says stop.
  • ALWAYS have my pussy devoid of ALL hair, with regular and random inspections to confirm compliance [we do this one too]
  • ALWAYS be ready for sex, in any hole at any time. And have random times where it actually happens, just to prove it can .. and i should truly be ready at any time.
  • only be allowed to wear panties or bra with permission [this is also one we do already too. i am granted permission fairly often, especially with the bra, for going to work where it is really needed under clothing.]

HOUSEHOLD SERVICE: these are what i would say many people might think of as a traditional “chore”…

  • NEVER be on the phone when i come in the house, at least not without permission.
  • Ask permission to purchase any nonessential item. Always. To keep us within the budget he set and have no surprises.
  • Sit at your feet, on the floor, while watching tv together
  • Have his coffee made every morning at a designated specific time.
  • NEVER have anything left in the kitchen sink – either wash it and put it away, or into the dishwasher immediately

SUBMISSIVE MINDSET/ REFOCUS: This could be useful as a reminder to be submissive and/or to get into the right head space

  • Walk in the house from work, go straight to our room, and stand in the corner. Stand there, possibly naked, until told otherwise, while focusing on resetting my mind from the “Dominant business woman” to the “submissive wife”.
  • Wear a chastity belt, a plug, or dildo for (maybe up to) a full 24-hours without allowing for the release until after the duration has expired that i would be begging for by then. [While i am made to wear these things, it’s never been for this long. Nor has my requests for release been denied.]
  • Sit at his feet, just because.
  • be told, “do not finish a single sentence spoken (to him) without ending it with the word Sir.” For example, “how was your day SIR.” Or “Dinner is ready SIR.”
  • Be told i have to to ask permission to get into bed. naked.

WHEN WE ARE OUT IN PUBLIC – like family dinners, date nights, or to an event or even just the grocery store!

  • He orders my food and drink(s) for me. Says there’s no reason for me not to trust what he orders.
  • Tells me i am not to eat until after he has started. Making me aware of his actions and to pay attention to the details.
  • Has me drive/ chauffer him so he doesn’t have to.
  • Picks out my clothing for the event. Tells me “no more and no less”
  • Tells me to ensure some part of me is touching some part of him. For example, i hold his hand, or have my arm around his waist, or have my leg touch his.
  • Have a sexy double date, that i know nothing about until we arrive there and he just says, “Act the way you know I’d expect!”

WHEN WE ARE APART – Whether it be for work or one of us is out of town

  • write a love letter to him. A minimum of XX pages.
  • Be told to send a text/call at a designated time, not to be early or late and never forgotten.
  • to be made to wear a piece of my submissive jewelry – necklace, bracelet or jewelry thong – every single day. And to text him a picture to show it is on. OR even have it locked in place and he has the key with him.

STRESS REFLIEF and/or We Are Home Together, But Alone – for either one of us, because we both have it and because the release is good

  • be asked to (NOT MADE TO!) accept a spanking. The reason being only that he needs to relieve his stress.
  • to be within his eyesight at all times from sun up to sun down. And if/when i need to leave his eyesight, like the bathroom use, i must ask permission. In order to focus on nothing but him (and i).
  • At a designated hour or particular day of the week, to be on my knees with no shirt on, while holding my tits at attention for him to kiss, cum all over, give a good smack to, … or… just look at.
  • not allowed to speak. For 24-hours. In order to focus on being calm, cool, and collected. And to understand that sometimes being quiet is best.
  • Randomly told to strip off some/all of my clothing, just because being naked is good to be stripped of coverings can be a tangible reminder not to hide feelings inside too (and He likes what he sees too!)

These are just the things i have thought about today. Who knows what i may think of tomorrow! What i do know is if i were given more tasks if things to DO (positive/ action-forward type) i am sure i will feel more useful. And less likely to act out negatively or in the brat way that i so often tend to DO. (What’s that phrase, “ideal hands are the devils’ play ground….” Just saying.)

Now i may need to go tell David to give me something to DO.

Okay, i thought about it for a split second… and i know i really do need to go tell David all this … now.

Hugs,

Marie

199 – Variations on “Defer to his authority”

i have written wrote about “the rules” before and i am working on another such post. Our rules are set. Unchanging. And so,etc,es there there are impromptu or for-today or because-i-can rules set into motion too.

Ultimately these would fall under the general category of “deferral.” The fact he has ultimate authority and decision-making power means that he can set into motion any new rule he wants to. And my job is to defer to him and his authority. Now mind you, i trust he won’t set anything in motion that i would ultimately take disagreement to anyway… but he ever did, I know i can talk reason into him too.

Today he decided I needed to wear an anal plug to work. For no reason really.

Maybe the “reason” is to serve as a reminder that he’s in charge. Or maybe as a tangible and constant FEELING of his authority. Or maybe just to see if i’d obey, which i will. Or maybe he wants me to think of him allllll day.

Or maybe he intends to use that hole for his personal pleasure and is getting it ready today. Or maybe to get me sexually charged up with NO ability to do anything about it (i am headed to work after all!)

Or maybe to mess with my mind and make me wonder about all these things and it’s nothing at all.

Not only did he decide an anal plug would escort me to work today, but he was to be the one to put it in its place too. He said, “get a plug, get it ready (with lube), and get into position.”

This position means to bend over, spread my legs, and hold my ass cheeks apart.

He came and said, “what a pretty sight to see my little girl.” And with that, he picked up the plug and i felt the tip press against my opening.

i held my breath as he pressed it inside. I always know the EXACT moment it pushes past the sphincter muscle as the pressure immediately subsides.

Even though i knew it was in, i also knew not to move just yet. He pressed it deep and played with the plug just a moment saying, “it won’t go any further in unless I press it in. Do you like that feeling?“

Now, i wouldn’t say i liked the feeling, but i did like that he liked it! So by a roundabout, i did indeed like it. i told him this too. And he slapped my ass in a hard, but good-fun way, and said, “ok, free to go to work now.”

As i let go of my ass cheeks and stood up, i felt the plug position itself between my legs and deeply in my ass. He always has me wear a thong on plug days so it holds it in as far as possible too. In fact, the thong is really about 1-2 sizes too small, which makes the string part ride up between my ass cheeks further, so it serves its purpose even better.

As always, i said, “thank you Sir.” And i kissed him.

So now i am off to work. i have no doubt he will ask me a couple of times today how it is feeling, and of course, as the day goes on it will become increasingly less pleasurable. But the fact that he wants it there and i am his submissive and intend to do as i am told…. It will be in its place a very LONG time today.

Have an amazing day my friends!

Hugs,

Marie

198 – IT problems galore

So completely not my blog topic, but definitely been applicable as of late…..

IT problems and me go hand in hand. David and our son quite literally say, “It’s a technology/ IT thing… “ to me on a regular basis.

Last week David went out of town for work for 2-days. While he was gone, i went to the garage to go to work and the garage door opener just wasn’t working. We had electricity to the house, so i wasn’t sure of the motor had gone out or what exactly. I decided to go flip the breaker and see if it made a difference. It did not. Had to raise/lower the door by hand [NOT EASY] for 2-days. David got home, did the exact same thing as me.,. It worked.

A month ago, the tv wouldn’t come on. i changed the remote batteries out, still didn’t work. Our son picks up the remote, pushes the power button… it worked.

Here’s my latest drama….

Over the weekend, (2-days ago, i became aware that my site was not working. It worked on the inside, but not on the outside. In other words, it looked like it was working from my side and i posted a blog message. But when David went to read it from a browser, it wouldn’t load at all.

The first message received was a 404 error. When i looked up how to fix it, it talked about permalink and resetting them. So i did that.

Then the original error message changed, and now went to one saying, “warning: potential security risk ahead”. Googled some more, messed with it some more.

Now the error message went to, “your connection is not private”

So googled and found some more to-do’s. Did that too.

And FINALLY… i think the website is operating again. Or so i have been told.

That’s the good news….but of course…. there still remains some new and still unresolved IT issues.

I can’t access my own site still, at least not on my laptop. i am typing from my tablet access because NOW my computer won’t open Google at all.

When I click on the Google Chrome icon, i get a spinning blue circle for a second and then it just stops. Nothing happens.

From my phone, i searched what could cause this and it says the anti virus can. So i turned it off. Still nothing.

Googled some more, and says “try deleting chrome and reinstalling it.” So i did that.

Then when i go to reinstall, had to use Microsoft Edge.

And when i got to the Google chrome download…. My machine says, “can’t access the internet.” W-H-A-T??

i thought i ought to reboot. Made no difference.

Then thought to hardwire (not WiFi) my machine… it doesn’t have The right kind of plug outlet (has HDMI, but whatever that big one is called is what i don’t have).

So NOW i have to have a converter to hard wire to the internet, to reinstall Google chrome, to hopefully find out first hand my website blog is back operational.

😖😣😖😣😖

Do you ever just think, “W-H-Y???” Yah, that’s me right now.

Can you access my actual website?? Or do you read this through the WordPress app???

Here’s the site: http://www.LovingDisciplineLife.com

Let me know if you can get to it…. Cuz right now i can’t even get on the internet. 😕

Hugs,

Marie