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283 – “Your shoes aren’t a symbol”

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 283 – “Your shoes aren’t a symbol”

^^^^^ THAT was my conversation earlier tonight with my Sir. About my Chastity belt. And me wanting to have the key to take it off.

i won’t lie, i basically threw a temper tantrum today. i wanted the belt off. i lost. The belt is still on.

Sir won.

Officially he should always win. Unofficially it doesn’t always happen. Today it did happen.

Yes, today…. SIR WON! i know i already said that, but it was worth repeating.

i even looked for the key in all the areas i thought it would be. i really wasn’t sure as i looked if:

1) i was going to be able to find it,

2) if i did find it, would i actually use it,

3) if i wouldn’t use it, why was i looking.

i stopped looking. i don’t think i do want to find it. And it was not in any of those usual or expected places anyway.

Sir hid it well. He won there too.

He’s right in that the belt isn’t uncomfortable really, just getting (more and more) annoying. The way keeping my shoes on when i get home is annoying. But he is right, my shoes are not a symbol. The chastity belt is.

The chastity belt represents a literal and real power exchange. A total power exchange that i have willing done without regret. i would do it again too.

i completely trust my Sir and i give him my all. Until i want the belt off. Until i want to take back the control but to which he does not allow.

i am glad he has not succumbed to my wishes.

In the end, i do NOT want to be in charge and i am glad Sir is. Just sometimes, i want to win. Like today when i have wanted the belt off.

He’s home tomorrow at about this time (7p) but now (based on his comments above), i am unsure if the belt will even come off then.

This is good for me in the end. This total power exchange reminds me of how small i am and how small i should remain.

i write all this while sitting on the couch, in my chastity belt. i have given up asking for it to come off and will submit the way i should. Hopefully anyway! And if i don’t, i suspect i will still be in my belt but then ALSO have a red ass to go with it!

(And did you see the part about my fiction story? i am working on another one. Maybe tonight yet … or tomorrow. Will see.)

Hugs,

Marie

282 – Back in Belt; Control is not mine

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David went to Florida for work today through Wednesday night for work. Again, he’s traveling. He has had to travel a lot lately.

His travel goes in streaks and this is one of them. i hate it, but of course, i can’t change it. i think he’s okay with it though. He rather likes traveling overall, which works well for someone who has to do it a lot like he has had to lately.

He left at 5am this morning, on Monday and he returns at 8pm on Wednesday night. A total of nearly 60-hours.

And this time, like many of the previous times David is out of town, i am back in my chastity belt.

This time, unlike some of the other previous times, i do NOT have the key.

i have no idea where it is, other than, “in our house,” which isn’t enough to be able to find it.

i don’t have the key because i needed to have some control taken away. In short, i had a privilege taken away.

As of late, we haven’t totally been on-point. We haven’t been totally off-point either. But, like anything not totally cared for properly, it starts to deteriorate. David hasn’t done maintenance spankings in awhile now, and i think he should have but i haven’t told him that. Instead, i have slowly and unintentionally become a bossy-little-brat-wife.

That led up to David getting so mad on Saturday he yelled at me. i probably deserved (some) of it, but some of it, i did not. When he yelled at me, i got incredibly angry. But. i didn’t say a word. Not-A-Single-Word!

In the past, when he’d get mad and yell, i would yell back. But now, i do not. While i could speak my concerns, “speak” is the key word. And because i was ANGRY i knew there was no way i would speak!

At the end of his yelling, he told me if i had a lot more to say (my mouth was what got me in trouble in the first place!) about the topic, i could walk home. You have NO idea just how close i was to doing it! Talking AND walking.

In the past, i would have challenged his words and called his bluff. i would have demanded to get out of the car and started walking. The dumb thing is that would only hurt myself and does nothing for or to him. And in the D/s world i live in now, Sir would actually let me out and i would be walking. Maybe not the entire way, but enough to wish i hadn’t been so stupid too. Because now, David (almost always) says what he means and means what he says.

So i sat in the vehicle in silence. Complete silence.

After about 10’ish minutes he asked me, “are you good?”

i wasn’t entirely sure i was, but i said i was. After i said that and thought about it more, i started to tell him i was NOT ok. But what was i going to say after that, that would make any difference whatsoever. i asked myself, “What can be said that would make a positive difference? What can i say that would end well?”

i couldn’t think of a single thing.

i also couldn’t think of a logical answer to the questions, “if you weren’t ok, then WHY did you say you were? Did you lie to me??”

So i continued to be silent.

After a bit of more silence, i really did become “ok.” And we began the trek to both being back to normal. Not long thereafter, we were indeed ok.

Yesterday (Sunday) when i was talking with David, i asked him why he got so mad and why he yelled at me. i also asked him why he allowed it to get that bad. His answer was simple, “laziness.”

Now today he went out of town and said he was hiding the key because control was something i had a little too much of lately and we needed to get him (not me) back into the proper position of control he so rightfully deserves.

i was a-ok with that. The belt went on, the lock snapped shut, and the key laid in his hand and then it went away.

Shortly thereafter Sir leaned in, kissed me goodbye, and he left.

It took all of an hour and i was ready to be out. Not because i needed it, but because i wanted it.

i wanted the control back. But i shouldn’t have it and it’s good that i don’t. This is good for both of us.

60-total-hours and counting.

Hugs,

Marie

279 – “You are in charge”

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On a whim, we decided to drive up to see our son at his University. It’s Saturday and we didn’t have anything else planned, and neither did our son. We left early, spent the day, and i wrote this now as we are in the car heading home. His University is a 2 1/2 hour drive each way. Not too far, but not too close either.

We are making this trip all in one day.

Our son was happy to see us and we had a good family day. Our son (like most men), wouldn’t actually have admitted that he was lonely and missing us, but as his Momma, i could tell from the way he was talking to me that he was.

We had a good day. My heart is feeling full! (Although almost as instantly, as we leave to go home, a part of me is missing again and i wish i didn’t have to leave him there too! So maybe my heart isn’t “quite” full!!)

Our son really has NO idea of our D/s dynamic at all, which is by design. i suppose he knows i defer to Dad and Dad’s decisions, but he has NO idea of our discipline factor. While in my opinion, it’s good that he knows Dad is in charge and i defer to Dad, our son does NOT need to have a full account of what happens if or when i do NOT properly defer. In other words, our son doesn’t know Dad spanks me.

It’s hard to explain domestic discipline (DD) to grown adults, let alone to an 18-year old kid! i suspect our son would never understand or believe that i truly do consent to being spanked and that this is NOT some warped version of some sort of wife-beating.

David and i tend to have covert comments between us, said in front of our son, that if our son thought about it too much he might figure things out. But i highly doubt it.

As we didn’t have a plan for exactly what we would do, David said early this morning (after we were with our son), “you are in charge today. You can decide what we do.”

Then as i said, “ok Dad, next thing we are going to do is xyz. Let’s go!” David then said, “you are bossy today!”

And i said, “you said i was in charge.”

To which David responded back, “yes, but you can say things in a kinder tone.”

“Why do i need to? If i am in charge….”

“Well, you can do what you want, and use your power the way you see fit, but you may regret that later too.”

Ok, i hear you Sir. i can make decisions but still need to tone it down.

And some time later i heard, “you may have forgotten that you ought to speak a little kinder.”

Another warning. i heeded the warnings and this time, i did tone it down.

i don’t mean to get bossy. i just hate standing around going, “what do you think?”

And then hearing, “I don’t know. What do you think?”

To be followed by, “yah, I’m flexible and I don’t care.”

“And I don’t either.”

“So what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know”

STOP. I WILL DECIDE! This is stupid to go back and forth without moving forward in any way whatsoever!

And that’s when i tend to get bossy.

In my opinion, if you want to be in charge, and make the decisions, i will let you do it every time.

BUT.

When you put me in charge and you don’t want to make decisions…. Then “being bossy” comes with the territory! It’s what you was implied when you said “You are in charge.” To me, that means “you need to decide and just tell us what we need to do.” Aka: bossy!

So. Yes. i got bossy. But not because i necessarily intended to, but instead because of the authority was given to me.

Needless to say, i did manage to simmer down and find a “nice” way to give directions. And we had a great family-together-Saturday today.

i won’t be spanked or disciplined in any way for my bossiness. Yah for me! And we now travel home to see what tomorrow and the coming week holds.

(And i am mostly full of happiness, love, and joy…. But i have to say “mostly” because i had to leave my son behind. i wonder if this leaving part ever gets easier!)

Now i have to sit and stare out of the car front windshield for another 2-hours til we are home…. And to NOT dwell on missing my son already or that my bossy day has come to an end.

Hugs,

Marie

274 – Locktober, Sir’s way.

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On Sunday, after we arrived back home from visiting our son, David spared me the spanking. i assumed my fate was sealed, but i was wrong. Thank heaven!

MOST of the time, i crave consistency. i need to know that what he says, he means AND what he means, he says. But this was one time that i really had NO desire to be punished. i mean, i would’ve accepted it, but i didn’t think a punishment was exactly warranted. i was trying to make progress with a bunch of noncommittal people, and i responded with annoyance to David’s questions. (Okay, so when i summarize the whole event like this, it does feel like i needed to be punished. Hmm.).

Well, i wasn’t punished. And i was very grateful.

Instead, we had every desire to relax and enjoy the evening. That’s what we did too. We watched tv for awhile, then went to our bed where David played with me and gave me 2-orgasms. Then he said i could play with myself as much as i wanted. i was shocked. i can’t remember a time where he allowed that!

But after a long weekend AND 2-orgasms already, i was relaxed, comfortable, and getting tired. Of course, i did orgasm one more time though too! (Wink wink!)

There was a time where masturbating right beside David while he read his book would’ve been weird for me. Now, i love it. i have learned to have an open mind, body, and soul for him. What’s mine is his, including the right to see me pleasure myself. And make no mistake, even though he was reading his book, he was also watching me! And i know he enjoyed watching and i enjoyed knowing he was watching too.

It wasn’t long afterward and we fell asleep. i sleep naked. David does not. While i am available to him at all times, he’s not always available to me. That’s ok by me too. In fact, in a very tangible way, it establishes that he is entitled to do as he pleases and i am entitled to also do (only) as he pleases too. Not only do i accept that, but it turns me on. i like submitting and being his in every way.

Then came the morning. i showered and started to dress when the directive came to lock it up.

David was going to play golf and because i had opted to work from home, he didn’t want me home alone to sit and play with myself anymore. It was “time to start Locktober anyway.”

So the chastity belt went on, the lock went shut, and the key went away.

That is how my Monday started. That evening, i (jokingly) asked David if he wanted to produce the key and he said, “uh, no.” with a “that was a dumb question” kinda tone.

Then he added, “you don’t need out yet. You don’t need to orgasm and it’s not the end of October.”

i won’t lie, i like wearing the belt when it’s MY idea and i am my own key holder. As in, i can get out anytime i want. Not too big a fan when i have zero control. But i am learning to accept it with mixed emotions. i WANT to accept it as a submissive wife, but the stubborn independent woman i can be does not like this one bit.

It’s not that i needed out. It was that i had the choice taken away. And while this is exactly how it should be, i didn’t like it. Wisely though, i said nothing out loud.

He reached his hand down between my legs and felt the belt. Sir said, “I could cut myself on those sharp groves. No orgasm for you! I best move my hand away before I hurt myself.” And he started to laugh.

The belt has holes where urine can pass but it is a jagged edge there, on purpose, to avoid any attempts to do anything more. Even though if you wanted to try something, the holes aren’t big enough anyway. Still. Getting a finger caught on the jagged edge would be painful for sure.

i was let out on Tuesday morning to go walking and shower. As soon as that was done, i asked Sir, “should i assume the belt goes back on unless told otherwise?”

i fully expected to hear another response like this was a dumb question and the words, “yes, of course it goes back on,” but to my surprise he said, “No, leave it off.”

i didn’t understand and i wasn’t sure how i felt about it. It felt like a privilege to be out, but also somehow “against the rules” (of Locktober.). And yes, of course i realize how contradictory i am being. First i didn’t want in, and not i don’t want out. i guess most of my issue is about the lack of control…. Physically AND mentally. i have no ability to control the lock on the belt anymore than i can control my anticipation about it also. i can’t even plan for in belt or out of belt.

That’s when i realized David makes his own rules and those are the ones that i follow and that’s the rules that matter! i need to adjust my thinking to just accept his authority and decisions as they come and be prepared for whatever decision he makes at that time, instead of trying to control anything at all, including my mindset.

Not much else was said the rest of Tuesday about the belt, Locktober, or orgasms. Tuesday was uneventful and almost disappointing.

Until this morning when David told me he is going out of town from Thursday (tomorrow) to Sunday, and he fully intends to lock me up. Oh wow. i have not been locked for 4-consecutive days and nights without a break at all.

Now you’d think that this wouldn’t be a big deal. i only last week tried to talk David into the whole month of October, so how is 4-days a big deal?! (Not to mention the fact he is telling me 24-hours in advance, so i have plenty of time to adjust my mindset!). Well….. it shouldn’t be.

But it is.

It is because i had “negotiated” that i could be out for showers and walks and he had said he liked to see me orgasm, so i wouldn’t (probably) be locked in for extended periods. But now, i will be.

While i was processing this, i went to work. i decided to text David, “so do you think i can go the duration without begging to be out of the belt?”

“Nope!”

“Will you give me the key then?”

“Maybe. Depends on what you say is the reason for needing it.”

i continued to ask questions. “What if it’s just because i am cranky and want out, so i want the key?”

“Really?”

“Okay, so i should assume that would be a no?”

“Correct.”

And i continued further…. “What if i get so cranky that i just start to bug the crap out of you to give me the key?”

“Then you’ll regret pissing me off like that.”

Okay, so i should have stopped but i didn’t. “What if i just don’t fully lock the lock? You never check. You just believe me that i did it.”

“Sounds like you are testing me. If I have to lock the lock myself before I leave, I will. But do I have reason to believe you’ll lie to me?!”

“No Sir. i haven’t lied. But i could…. OR …. Instead of being deceitful, i could just refuse to be in the belt and locked up altogether.”

“You could. But you won’t.”

“What makes you so sure i won’t refuse??”

“Because the alternatives to NOT being locked up while I’m gone are probably worse than being locked up.”

“You wouldn’t be that mean to me, Sir. Would you??”

“Wanna try me?”

“Hmm. No Sir. Probably not a wise move on my part.”

“First smart thing you’ve said in most of this conversation. Either way, tomorrow morning, you have a choice to make now… get locked in by me where I’ll check the lock myself, or face the alternative consequences.”

Locktober may not be a constant and consecutive 31-days, but one thing is for sure, i have to learn to cope without having the key or control better! And be prepared for 4-consecutive days about to commence in chastity.

Off to enjoy my last free night for awhile.

Hugs,

Marie

269 – WANT versus NEED

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“Do you NEED to be let out (of the belt)?” was the question my Sir just asked me.

This is after wearing it all day yesterday and all night last night and all day today. Unless you count the 20-minutes i was allowed to be out for the shower this morning, i have been continuously locked now for 38-hours… and counting.

Yesterday morning Sir said, “you’ve been out long enough, now put it on.” For no particular at all, he just said as much. i complied. It went on without complaint.

i was actually happy to put it on really. When i don’t have it on, i start to miss it. And it had been off for about 24-hours already.

As mentioned in my previous post, by the end of the day i kinda wondered if he even remembered i had it on as absolutely nothing was said about it the remainder of the day.

Usually he plays with me as we relax on the couch in the evenings. Last night, however, he said he wasn’t feeling terribly well. He was tired and feeling washed out. i was disappointed the belt didn’t come off, not because i WANTED it off, but rather because i was looking forward to being played with.

i kinda expected this would mean the belt would now stay on overnight, but i wasn’t too sure. So as we were then in bed, i casually asked if he wanted to “see his pussy.” He laughed and said, “yah right, nice try.” And that was that.

Remember your (unofficial) mantra…. I WILL NOT BEG FOR RELEASE. IT IS A PRIVILEGE TO BE OUT OF THE BELT. One that is not afforded to me right now.

So i smiled and said, “ok, just offering.” Because i will be a good girl and NOT BEG for release.

And we went to sleep. i have slept in the belt before, so this wasn’t new or unusual or problematic.

About 2am i woke up and was touching myself. NO, not my puss, it was covered up! Instead i was rubbing seductively on my leg and the edge of the belt and ….. WANTING to masturbate. WANTING to orgasm. WANTING the belt off.

I WILL NOT BEG FOR RELEASE. IT IS A PRIVILEGE TO BE OUT OF THE BELT….. and that privilege does NOT include masturbating (without permission) anyway.

Now i wasn’t happy at all that the belt was on. i felt those previous thoughts of resentment towards the belt creeping in. i recognized it for what it is this time and squashed it down though. i did not NEED the belt off. i was just a sexually frustrated submissive wife, being properly held in check!

“Go back to sleep and get over yourself!” i did go back to sleep, but not a restful or solid sleep either.

This morning i did ask Sir, “can i use the key to be released for a shower?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you Sir.”

The entire time i was in the shower i wrestled with my mind….

“i could leave it off today, and it probably would be ok.”

“Maybe i NEED to ask if it’s okay to leave it off.”

“If he WANTED it off, he would’ve said. I WILL NOT BEG.”

“But he did allow it off for the shower.”

“Yah, and JUST the shower.”

“Maybe i should ask.”

“WHY do i need to ask anything? You know if he WANTED it to stay off, he would’ve said.”

And i do not NEED to have it off. i only WANT to have it off.

While i was in the shower, per usual, i took the shower head down off its (magnetic) slot holder and waved the water over my clit in a very seductive way. i do this daily. It is a form of edging that is quite effective. i don’t touch myself with my hand, usually, but rather the water does all the work. Its not enough to get me to orgasm, but it sure is arousing.

While i was in the shower today, i let my left hand hold the shower head, while my right hand touched my clit. i decided a little closer to the edge wouldn’t be a bad thing at all.

And i rubbed on myself. Damn this feels good. A little more. You can go closer to the edge. Go faster. Yah, that’s it, that’s it…. That’s…. STOP RIGHT NOW!

And as hard as it was to pull my hand away and stop, because i WANTED that O so badly, i did.

And I got out of the shower, dried quickly, and …..

So i put it back on.

As i covered his pussy up, i apologized to her. i told her i was sorry i teased her that way but now she’s to be a good girl and be put away until Sir WANTS to see her again. She pouted. i didn’t blame her.

After i was at work, i texted him and told him how i wrestled with the decision about what to do about the belt …. ask/not or leave it off/ put it on. But how i ultimately decided to put it on, and when he’s ready for it to be off, he will tell me. i ended the text with, “did i assume correctly Sir?”

“YES! You did good.” was his response.

As the day wore on, i realized (at times) i had forgotten it was even there. It is becoming like a second skin. It fits snuggly and doesn’t move. That’s a good thing. When i had it a bit larger, it moved and sometimes chaffed. The tighter and more restrictive, the better. It feels better, but then it also works better. It’s way more difficult to get a finger under the plate when it’s snug and fitted than if it were looser.

i like the way it hugs me tightly. i love having a secret at work that no one knows except for me (and my Sir). It turns me on to be his submissive wife, wearing his CB to protect what is his!

i thought about how i do not NEED to take it off, but i still WANT to though too. i know though that to say the ONLY reason i WANT it off is to orgasm! It’s really here for a reason and it’s a good thing. Really, it is!

i really WANT to ask David, “when will you allow me to be released?”

But i won’t. Why? Because i can’t figure out a way to ask that i won’t be BEGGING FOR RELEASE! How do you say, “when will you allow me to be out of this belt?” without sounding as if i am begging? And if i were to get a release, i would then beg to be touched and beg to orgasm. And begging is unbecoming of a good submissive wife.

I WILL NOT BEG FOR RELEASE.

And … i need to submit to his authority on this. He will tell me when the release will happen and until then, i NEED to accept it.

i really do love the way this CB feels and the way it does it’s job. It keeps me in check. i wish i didn’t NEED it and that i was strong enough to not touch myself or orgasm without permission, but i just don’t think i am.

As i was on the way home from work tonight, i was thinking about how i just KNOW he’s going to produce the key and release me once i get home. i have never gone two consecutive nights with it on, so i am sure he won’t have me do it now. Besides, i am sure he knows how needy i am to orgasm, so he will probably indulge my NEED.

When i got home, he was on the couch watching tv. i went and took off my clothes and remained naked. i walked into the living room and i heard a groan of approval. i laid on the couch and snuggled up to him.

i tried to touch his cock but he stopped me, saying, “No. Not tonight.” Apparently his allergies are kicking his ass and that’s the cause of his lack of energy and not feeling well. Ugh. i really WANTED to touch his cock and slide it down my throat too. i am so in NEED of him sexually, that even if i don’t get a belt release or O of my own, i WANTED him!

So instead then i turned where i was on my back, leaning against his chest, and i opened my legs. He said, “that ain’t happening either. Unless you NEED to be let out. Do you?”

“Do i NEED to be let out? i would have to say no, Sir.” was my response.

“You don’t NEED to orgasm?”

“Oh yes, i would love to. But i think that’s more of a WANT than a NEED.”

He laughed and said, “you really ought to learn to lie about your NEEDS more. I was going to let you out to masturbate and come. I’m afraid you are going to bug me too much and I’m not feeling up to it.”

I WILL NOT BEG FOR RELEASE. IT IS A PRIVILEGE TO BE OUT OF THE BELT….. and that doesn’t include bugging Sir about orgasms too. Or include lying. Or include making a WANT to have an orgasm somehow turn into a NEED.

But i soooo WANT to orgasm! This belt is seductive as it touches my clit all day long, loving on it, yet denying it anything more at all.

Now he’s taken some decongestants and allergies meds and gone to sleep. And i am in belt still.

i couldn’t lie about NEED VERSUS WANT. i really WANTED to lie.. to get a release from the belt AND to orgasm. But i couldn’t.

This is now going to be the longest continuous time in belt ever.

This is good for me. It’s a challenge. More of a mental one than a physical one. To NOT BEG. And to tell myself i do not NEED to orgasm, it is only a WANT.

Besides we get what we NEED, not what we WANT. And i’d say what i really NEED is to be in belt and not out. Discipline is good, even if it has to be forced upon me with this belt still in its place. i love this belt and what it does for me.

i will be off to sleep now. And thankful for what i have, and not upset about what i do not have (but surely do WANT).

(And to think, the permanent, really nice chastity belt isn’t even here yet. i may NEED to orgasm more after it arrives!)

Release will happen soon. Release from CB and the O i so desperately NEED… ok, not a NEED just a WANT. Maybe tomorrow. Probably tomorrow.

Hugs,

Marie