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Author: Marie

177 – Craving submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 177 – Craving submission

i have mentioned how i am a strong person outside our home. And i am. i wouldn’t say or call myself “Dominant” to the people outside our home on purpose because i wouldn’t necessarily say that is true. But maybe “normal” or “just like everyone else” is definitely true. And definitely more “dominant” outside my home than my “submission” inside the home.

In other words, dial up the dominant a notch …. or three, and dial down the submissive that same amount when i am outside our home (without David). That last part is important, because whenever I am with David i am the same submissive wife, regardless if i am inside or out. But sometimes that’s hard to do (be submissive outside the home) when i am with others AND David at the same time. But that may be inspiration for another post as well.

When i am outside our home, without David, maybe a little Dominant too. But i would define dominant as in …. the ordinary and normal ways of the world. At work, i have a job where lots of decisions are made, i direct a lot of people’s activities, and am asked for a lot of information….. and i do it all with complete confidence.

And then i go on “overload”. Too many questions, too many required decisions cause me to yearn for easy days, doubt seeps in, indecision starts to happen… and i start to overthink and then i do think, “no more! Time out!”

And i just want to go home…. and be a submissive wife!

i crave submission.

That happened yesterday. And when that happens, i go to my submissive mindset. i mentally withdraw from the world and go to my Submissive-self.

i will say it again….

i crave submission.

i start to find ways to get it. It feels a bit like an addiction …. or maybe a life-line is really a better way to describe it. It has a “i am going crazy here and need to escape to a good, safe place” feeling about it.

My safe place is my submissive wife mindset. It’s not a physical place, but a mental place. It is definitely the physical place of my home… but as mentioned above, it is also outside my home when i am with David.

i don’t do drugs of any kind, unless prescribed. And yet, in a mental-way, being submissive is my drug of choice. My addiction is being a submissive wife to my husband.

That’s usually when i come home and say stuff to David like, “i need maintenance.” Or something like that anyway.

Most of the time, he says “ok, let’s do it.” And i go assume the position to be spanked and then it releases the endorphins, in both of us really, to be calm and let the outside world be … well, ….outside.

This time i didn’t do that though. i didn’t ask for maintenance. i didn’t really get the release i was craving or needing.

W-H-Y?

Well, David has been really stressed out from work for a month or so now. He has a lot of work to be done, and his team isn’t getting it done, which means he has to pick up their slack. That means he is working more than usual and with more intensity and stress.

The stress at my job and me craving to submit, doesn’t mean i can come home and “demand” he manage me too. If i did demand for him to be my dominant, my Sir, pay attention to me, or even just spank the endorphins out…. i would probably call that “topping from the bottom.”

Topping from the Bottom isn’t really submissive at all, but rather telling him how to dominate and ultimately causing him to be submissive to me.

Yet…. it’s a tricky place too. i need to be able to have open communication about how i am feeling ….. and craving submission….. while not telling him what to do too.

This might be a time where i could “brat” too. And sometimes i have in the past. Meaning that I would do something bad to test or dare him to stand up and take action. To see how dominant he really is. To see if he will tolerate bad behaviors. But testing our loved ones isn’t a good way to act or a good place to be. While he might respond well, it could also set you both up for failure really.

So instead of doing those things….. and getting a much-over-due spanking (or discipline) …. i just acted like an adult and said, “i know it’s because we have both been stressed, but i am craving submission. And i hope you are craving dominance, because i’d like to amp it up again. To put it back where it belongs.” (With “it” being our relationship dynamic.)

He said, “I agree. We both need it.”

We have been a bit “removed” from our usual selves and withdrawn from one another lately because of our work demands. And i don’t even mean just our dynamic, but quite literally physically and mostly mentally, removed from one another. When we get overwhelmed with “anything” we have no more capacity for anything else to be added, so we block out that other thing. So lately the part that has been blocked out has been “us” and our dynamic.

It’s not all bad, as we haven’t been fighting or anything like that. But we haven’t been in our D/s typical home dynamic either…… which is why i haven’t written lately.

Besides stress of work, there hasn’t been much to write about! Not much inspiration to tell you about!

But i do have some fiction stories I my head that will probably make their way to this site soon too…. 😉

Anyway… after me nudging David back into being my dominant, and me telling him i am craving his dominant hand…. i suspect i may have more inspiration here quite soon again.

(And this coming week we are taking a 3-day road trip to do two official university tours with our son. It’s quite probable that the D/s dynamic outside our home may well be tested in full! So i may have even MORE inspiration to write about than i even know! Stay tuned!!).

Hugs,

Marie

187 – what is “submissive service”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 187 – what is “submissive service”

(This is a long post, but after reading through it several times trying to find things that i thought could/should be cut… i didn’t want to…. so… it is what it is.)

i have talked a bit about this before. But i feel like talking again. So i will. Ha. And in reading this nonfiction book that i mentioned before, “Real Service” by Tenpenny and Kaldera, i have new thoughts to add, at least i hope anyway.

But before i dive in, i want to give a couple of (only my opinion) thoughts of “what’s the difference between a submissive and a slave. Because while i’d love to be a “sexual slave,” to my husband, i am not. i am quite thoroughly and completely “just a submissive wife” in every aspect.

And why do i make a point to make this distinction? Well… keep reading and it will hopefully become more obvious.

Similarities: Both a submissive and a slave conform to a Dominant’s will, both defer to another’s authority and both ultimately find their own pleasure in making someone else happy. At its core, a submissive and a slave provide a service(s) to a Dominant.

Differences: And while both submissive and slave have a lot in common, they are still quite different too. At its core, a submissive is more free and has more control than a slave. Not to say a submissive is “less” than a slave, because i am NOT diminishing the significance or importance of a submissive whatsoever! It’s just that a submissive has more free-thinking-authority than a slave.

A slave has less control of one self than a submissive. A slave makes less decisions than a submissive. A slave has their decisions taken away from them (freely) whereas a submissive makes decisions (within the given authority of the Dominant). A slave requires more effort of the Dominant (to control and make the decisions for the slave), than what is required of a Dominant with a submissive.

So i guess my ideal combination would be to submit to my husband in everything… except sex. For sex, i would much prefer to have all my control and decisions be taken from me and to be his slave. But it’s not up to me. i suppose in an odd way of thinking of it, having no control over this decision… makes me a slave to the situation!?! (Hmm, not sure if i think that sentence is true really, but having “no control” is at the essence of a slave’s situation/persona… so maybe ??)

What is in my control is learning to be the best submissive wife i can be… which i would ultimately have to admit… includes sex too.

Submissive wife:

i am my husband’s best friend… and submissive wife. (And he is my best friend…. and Dominant husband).

When people say you can’t live a D/s or kinky lifestyle 24/7, i disagree. This is exactly what and how we do it. i am his submissive wife 24/7. That is at least until we slip out of our ways of doing things because of stupid things like “work stress” monopolizing our “home life”…. which is another topic of “how exactly do you maintain the ways of doing things 365-days a year without slipping away from it.” (Good question… i haven’t mastered it!)

i recently saw someone else post a blog that was basically where we have been lately, and she called the “out of the D/s routine” as being in a “rut.” And i suppose that’s a great way to think and a great word for it too. (Again, how to NOT go into a “rut” isn’t in my wheelhouse just yet… and back to today’s blog….)

While i agree there are some things that you simply can’t do 24/7 due to its extreme level/intensity, there are a lot of dominance and submission that absolutely can be done 24/7.

As i mentioned, i am reading the non-fiction book, “Real Service,” where the authors make a point to say and explain how a submissive provides service to a Dominant. And that “service” comes in many forms, including sexual but not just sexual. Service tasks range in its complexity from mundane of housework, errands/shopping, and paying bills, up to other specific things that would fit this particular D/s dynamic like secretarial, being a chauffeur, butler, or chef… and always companionship.

The key is ensuring that whatever services are provided from the sub to the Dom is what the DOM WANTS! The service is meaningless if the Dom doesn’t want (or need) it.

In one section of the book, the author (a Dom) talks about how his sub was performing tasks that the sub thought the Dom wanted, but in fact the Dom did not. The Dom realized he was upsetting his sub when in fact what the sub was doing wasn’t at all important, needed, or valued by the Dom.

The author writes, “Faced with his [the sub’s] disappointment, I had two choices: I could beat myself up for not being able to do this [“this” meaning the Master trying to become satisfied with what the sub was doing for the Master], or we could work together on making the activities that were meaningful for me likewise meaningful for him. And we chose the second option.”

The first key point or takeaway i have here is:

Even if i want to do it, if it means nothing to David…. it isn’t what i should be doing. i need to be doing what David wants, not what i want or what i think he wants.

Sometimes if i were being fully honest, i think i do things trying to impress him and ultimately find favor in order to receive his praise. Only for him to find that he didn’t want or need it, but he now has to decide to: 1) hurt my feelings by telling me it wasn’t wanted, 2) learn to like what i did, 3) give praise for something he neither wanted, asked for, or needed. And let’s face it, options #2 &3 are lying/deceitful to me (and forcing him to bend to me) and may make me think he liked my efforts, leading me to repeat them to get #2 &3 to occur again… vicious circle. All the while, i was just trying to provide a (good) service go/for him but going about it in all the wrong ways.

That seems obvious at its core, i get that. But sometimes i (and maybe other subs too) am certain i know what will make him happy and set out to do these things, only to be disappointed upon figuring out that wasn’t at all what i should be focused on and it didn’t make David happy one iota. And likewise, it puts David in a position to either accept (and learn to like) the service i am giving him… or for him to teach/train me to give the service he is actually wanting (and for me to be happy doing that task instead).

So being reminded to do what he wants, not what I think he wants, is pretty key!

Going back to the submissive versus slave part, i would love nothing more than to be David’s sex-slave not “just” his submissive. But it’s just not what he wants. He wants me to be a submissive wife…. in ALL aspects, including sex.

When it comes to sex specifically, being a submissive doesn’t feel like it is “enough”. At least not for me. But i’d say David thinks being a submissive, even for sex, is plenty enough. So at the end of the day, i am fully aware that what i’d like to do or be… a sex slave… is irrelevant.

i would like to be told (“made”) to…….

Be naked as much as possible, strut in front of him, sit on the floor beside him, not be allowed to be out of his sight, have my mouth stuffed with his cock regularly, sit on his cock and do all the work to get him to orgasm, stuffed with a dildo to stretch enough to accommodate him without any difficulty, be spanked if not wet at the moment he wants/needs me to be, to be punished if unwanted pubic hair is ever found, to wear a butt plug to stretch the back whenever he wants, to be taken when i am sleeping for no other reason than because he wants me, to be tied up or gagged in positions that he has full access, to wear a chastity belt most of the time, to be shared if he wants to, and and and ……i could go on…….

Don’t misinterpret what i am saying to mean i am not my husband’s submissive for sex… because i am. But i want to be MORE than just submissive for sex. i want to be owned, and to have no other options available to me, as it comes to sex. (i love being his submissive wife for all the mundane things of life, but i would really love to be his sexual slave to in the bedroom too.)

But….. that’s not really what i think David wants. If he did want these things, he’d be doing it. Or maybe he does want it, but it’s just not a practical way to live 24-7, 365-a year. So maybe “just” being a submissive is the better way to do things…. most of the time and a sex-slave “only on occasion.”

The author continued by saying, “The servant is obligated to do things the master’s way, and if they’re a good servant, they should work on not acting too resentful while they’re doing it. A good thought process…..might be “No one is going to die if I do things Master’s way.””

This is true for all service rendered by a sub to her Dom. And for me, in the daily-submissive-wife-things i typically do think this way. i often find myself thinking, “while this isn’t how i would do it, my way isn’t necessarily better or his worse even… so just do it his way and be ok with it.”

But when it comes to wanting to be “more” for sexual activities (read “sex-slave”), i ultimately want to have my entire sexual being become his play toy at any time or any place he wants. But David wants it a different way. And i need to be be ok with that. i need to learn to do it his way, which for me feels “less” than what i want to give and what i think he deserves. But at the end of the day, …..I never want to be the source of his disappointment or him having to figure out how to like what i want to give and let’s face it: “no one is going to die if i do things Master’s [David’s] way.”

i suppose most of this is common sense really, but it was also a lightbulb moment for me in that thinking of…. “of course that makes sense. It’s the best way for the D/s relationship to truly work in harmony”. That said, if it was ALL common sense for everyone, there wouldn’t be a need for the Book i am reading to have been written at all! Right??

Anyway…. i have realized my submissive wife homework is to become more in tune with:

1) is this service (any service, including sexual) something David wants or is it something i want him to want?

2) if it’s the latter, what would he want?

3) and if it’s the former, am i doing it in a way that’s fully pleasing to him?

i am really enjoying this book… maybe you should consider reading it too. It’s not just for subs either!

Hugs,

Marie

176 – 2021 Texas Snowmaggedon is over!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 176 – 2021 Texas Snowmaggedon is over!

Today is Saturday. The temp is currently 28 here, with a projected high of 57 today. i am thankful for this week to be O-V-E-R and may it never return to my part of the world ever again!

There were a lot of little things that went wrong this week that added up to a lot of anxiety and stress for me. But in all honesty, overall my family faired well in the end.

Of course in the midst of any situation, good or bad, you don’t know how the story ends and you can get a lot more anxious than you need to be. And like everything, the more times you do something the more routine it becomes and the less stress you have from it.

Texans just don’t have experience with this much…… cold, snow, ice, busted pipes, cars that won’t start, clothes that aren’t thick enough, ability to drive in this weather, snow plows, plane de-icing machines, antifreeze, fireplaces, firewood………. the list could go on. So we reacted awful in the moment.

i have heard so many people, myself included, who have said, “i would rather have a hurricane than this,” just shows that practice does make perfect. In my lifetime, i can remember living through 3 very significant hurricane experiences, plus 3 more tropical storm-bad rain experiences. That amounts to one event about every 10-years. And this is the first time i have ever had this much cold-snow-ice events to live through.

But i realized somewhere in the middle of it all, that being grateful for what you have….. not yearning for what isn’t yours, can’t be right now, or is simply unattainable [all the way down to a cup of hot coffee] …… is a better way to live.

People talk about “when i have time” or “when i can afford it” all the time. And while there is an element of truth in that, for many of us that’s not really anything more than an excuse.

Soooo…… why am i rambling??? And what is the point of all this???

All to say, “normal” is good. My normal is a (Christian based) Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Yes, it includes a lot of discipline, including being spanked. i welcome authority and the consequences thereafter if the rules (that we both freely agreed to) are not followed.

Thankfully, i was not disciplined this week.

i did as i was instructed when it came to wrapping the pipes at the start, turning the water off, opening the spigots, waiting for the electricity to return, calling the natural gas company when we smelled it, getting the dog back inside when she escaped the front door and ran down the street like an escaped convict, getting the frozen poor dead bird out of the driveway, changing the battery in the fire alarm, getting the new battery in the car after it froze up and having to go to 4-places before finding one that was open and had batteries in stock, ensuring the phones were powered up, being understanding when food options were limited to what was not frozen and could be cooked solely on the stove, and (doing my very best) to keep a positive attitude about it all as much as possible.

So we even skipped maintenance yesterday too.

i am grateful. And thankful. And survived the Great Texas Snowmaggedon 2021! And may it never return!

Electricity… and my life…. are going back to normal…. starting now! And i couldn’t be more grateful!

Won’t deny… one of the best things about this week was i heard NO discussion about COVID, masks, or anything of this stupid pandemic! i got a break from that conversation for a few days at least.

(i told you… i’d be MUCH happier when the power came back on…. and the Texas heat is restored to its natural state! 😉)

Hugs,

Marie

175 – Craving normalcy.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 175 – Craving normalcy.

As most of you know, i live in Texas. We have 254-counties, 2nd largest in the US in land mass (Alaska #1), and 2nd largest in population (California #1),

If Texas was a country today, we would have the 10th largest economy in the world.

Our motto is “The Friendship State”. And most people say that they’ve never met anyone friendlier than a Texan.

But i am not feeling very friendly at the moment.

Instead, i am feeling quite cranky. We are in the midst of the worst cold storm in over 30-years – since 1989. The lowest temp recorded in history was 5 (Fahrenheit) recorded in 1930. And while i don’t know for certain, i think we tied that last night. So in other words, this is the coldest week of my entire lifetime and many (many!) years before that also.

We have now had 36-consecutive hours below freezing, which (as far as i can find online) has never happened before. It is the first time all 254-counties have been in a State of Emergency at the same time.

We went for 36-hours without power inside our house, and now for the most recent 24-hours we have gone 4-hours off for 2-on. While it is currently on, my house is warm. But when it is off, the temp plummets quickly. At one point it was 45-degrees INSIDE my house.

Just for fun i looked up “what is the average temp inside my refrigerator.” And the answer was 37. So it was feeling similar in my house to being inside a refrigerator! Think about that for a second.

The primary reason for all this trouble is due to the Texas public utility entity called ERCOT. They are responsible for the making and/or buying of electricity, who then sends it to the suppliers, who then sends it to the customers. ERCOT failed to test the turbines (with fossil fuels) before this storm that we had a week’s notice of, AND didn’t use common sense to appreciate that the windmills (naturally made electricity) would freeze up and be useless. And (apparently) 13-other states offered to sell us electricity before the storm hit, and ERCOT declined. So 30% of Texas’ electricity went off the grid and there was nothing that could be done about it after that… except pray and wait. (i don’t typically advocate for people’s heads to roll…. but… this is one time i think someone should be held accountable!)

You have no idea how much you use electricity until you don’t have it. While i do not like the cold, snow, or ice… i can deal with it when it doesn’t invade my home like an unwanted guest.

Many people have lost water due to frozen pipes as well. So on top of no electricity, they also have no water. And they may well have house-pipe-Sheetrock and construction issues soon too. Some of our friends and family have already found busted pipes, despite the fact they are still quite frozen. We are thankful to not being made to deal with that situation, and i am literally praying we don’t either! One of our friends has been told they are number 25 on the list for the plumber to get to their house and to not expect them to be able to get there for several days.

This is on top of boil alerts now too because the water cleaning power plants are failing due to cold…. and no electricity. One store had milk in stock, but couldn’t sell it due to electricity gaps where they “couldn’t guarantee the milk was still ok to drink”. And a hospital had 8,000 vials of the covid vaccine that, after also losing power for too long, had to dump them.

This looks to be our current situation continuing through to Friday. By Saturday-Sunday it will all be gone and be a balmy 65 degrees. By the weekend, we will just have to clean up the remnants of this debacle on which i pray will be little for us personally!

David feels helpless and i understand, but i keep reassuring him he is doing everything possible and keeping our family as normal as he can. Admittedly the last 24-hours have been better than the 36-hours prior to that! So i do see improvement.

Say a prayer for us and all of the Great State of Texas, and specifically my mental capacity to deal with this “unprecedented historic time”. (Have heard those words so many times over the last year between weather and COVID, i am just completely sick of them).

i just want to go back to being normal. i won’t be complaining about anything for a long long time. i am grateful for so many things… in spite of the difficulties i am currently in.

Just to remind myself … here’s a few of them:

My husband… taking care of us the best way possible,

My son… for not complaining about the situation that we can’t control

My sister and her family… who are in the midst of this right beside us too… nor are they complaining about any of this either.

My friends … for checking on us and vice versa, providing so much needed mental strength and compassion to one another

My resilient house… for not having broken pipes… hopefully at all… but definitely not at the moment. And providing immediate warmth and comfort through good insulation when the electricity has been on.

My dogs… for being easy going and snuggling with me to help me feel better.

My job… and co-workers… for being understanding, patient, and trying to help one another wherever we can.

My (and my family’s) health … for not having life threatening situations or conditions among us that would have otherwise also caused more complications in this storm.

And finally… for the reprieve from the constant no-electricity that has allowed us to shower and have a warm cup of coffee. A shower and coffee resets your attitude and gives you the refresher to be able to say, “i can do this!” mentality.

i will be better by this weekend…. but right now… time can’t move fast enough! Thanks for listening to me rant, for the prayers to move time forward to Sunday, and for your love too!

Hugs,

Marie

174 – The Right generation is?

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In my last post, i made talk of the 1950’s housewife. How she would have (probably) been a submissive wife and received, “corporal punishment,” also known as spankings.

i have sometimes thought i was born in the wrong generation. i mean if spanking was common place then for them, maybe if i were apart of their generation that i would have fit in better than i do now. That generation as opposed to the actual generation that we live in now.

i wouldn’t have to wear a (figurative) mask or keep my home life a secret to anyone, because in that generation it wouldn’t have been a secret at all. i think. i really have no idea for sure if in the 1950’s it was all families who practiced disciplining of wives or not, or how much it was talked about or not, or how much it was actually common place really, but i feel sure it wasn’t frowned upon then (or seen as such a faux pas) as much as it is now.

i have visions of wives getting together for lunch and the conversation being maybe something like….

“So how has your week gone?”

And the response maybe being, “yeah, I really wasn’t very good this week because I (fill in the blank) , for which my husband was sure to correct that behavior in a hurry. My bottom is still sore from it and I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.”

And her friend saying, “yeah, I know what you mean as I had a similar week too. My bottom is still sore to sit on too. I earned a punishment because….”

i think in the 1950’s these types of conversations wouldn’t be a major big thing, or considered a kink, or a faux pas but rather just the way of life for (most) everyone. It was probably just common talk about any normal week gone by.

But could you imagine going to work now in this generation and your co-workers asking, “do anything exciting or interesting over the weekend?”

And you responding with, “yeah so I disrespected my husband and got turned over his knee. He was so mad he turned it beat red. How was your weekend?”

N-O-P-E! Not a fat chance of that ever happening!

So i don’t think i would have to wear a mask if i were living in the 1950’s-wife era, at least not about this topic anyway. And that last part, “about this topic” is where i give pause to this “longing to be a 1950’s generation wife”.

For that also gives way to stop and think about how that generation would NOT fit me in many other ways. i wouldn’t have the job that i do now if i were in the 50’s since i would’ve just been a housewife (NOT anything wrong with housewives, just noting differences in my current life and what my life would, be then). Far more women didn’t work then due to THAT being a faux pas. “No wife of mine will be working outside our home!” would have been a common phrase uttered by many a husbands in that generation.

i would be wearing dresses, heels, pantyhose, and make up every-single-day in the 1950’s, with touch-ups to make myself beautiful for him to arrive home too. (Oh my! That’s just too much for me every-single-day!)

And then the cooking, cleaning, and “put on a smile and don’t complain”, and “treat your husband like the king he is” type mentally make me wonder… were marriages in the 1950’s even real? It seems NOT!

And let’s not forget that i consider myself bisexual and we have been swingers too. THAT would’ve been a serious faux pas then! (Ok, so it’s still kinda one now too… but seriously, can you imagine how that would’ve been received then?!? It is at least “more” accepted now than it would have been then for sire.)

Ok, so maybe i am in the right generation after all. When you consider alllllll this together, i think God did indeed put me in the exact right generation after all.

i will be happy to wear my jeans—- to work —- and NOT cook ——- and just not talk about (with my one figurative mask on about) my sore bottom from Maintenance Friday!

What secrets do you hide beneath your figurative (or even literal!) masks? Inquiring minds want to know. 🤓

Hugs,

Marie