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Author: Marie

252 – Good girl, with Bad habits!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 252 – Good girl, with Bad habits!

You may have noticed that quite a lot of our dynamic lately seems to be revolving around orgasm control. It’s not all we do, but it is a great motivator for me too.

In fact, you’ve heard the phrase, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” In that same vein, i’d say “the way to my heart is through orgasm denial.” i see it as a challenge to comply, to bend, be vulnerable, and to ultimately submit! i have to have self-control, determination, and use mind-over-matter to make good choices all the time.

Despite what may seem true, i have been surprised at how much of a positive motivator the chastity belt has become for me too. When it is on, i have no ability to stimulate myself let alone orgasm. Yet, i am constantly aware of the belt and constantly in a low state of arousal too. But when it’s off is the surprising part actually. i thought i would attack my clit the second it was vulnerable and open to the fresh air, but it is quite the opposite! The belt comes off, and i think, “it is a privilege to have the belt off. This puss is not yours to touch, by your own volition. You made a voluntary consensual choice! So respect those choices and don’t touch!”

And i don’t. At least for awhile anyway.

Then there are days like today….

i’m not entirely sure what prompted me to do so, but in the middle of the day, i texted David, “i know you know i am sexually turned on… a lot. What you may/may not realize is that i am intensely motivated by sexual acts, with the hope (but not expectation) of ending with an orgasm,”

i continued, “Over the years you’ve wanted me to be more competitive. When it comes to the quest to get an authorized orgasm, i am very competitive. i’ll do nearly anything you ask, if you’ll (possibly) reward me with an orgasm. Sir, i am equally turned on by the denial as the allowance, because i know it’s intentional on your part when you deny or allow me to orgasm. Of course, make no mistake, i love to orgasm, especially at your cock, tongue, or hand… in that order too!”

And i waited for a response.

i got a “Good! And yes, I already knew much of that, which is why you don’t get to orgasm as much as you’d like, but maybe now it will be even less.”

And then he went out of town for tonight. Just one night. He’s back tomorrow.

Then tonight i got a text saying, “you’ve been very good lately. I will allow you to masturbate and orgasm tonight if you want. But just one orgasm.”

“Oh yes of course i want! Thank you Sir! Yea for me!”

And i started to play. And i orgasmed really fast. Too fast really. i was bummed at how fast it happened. i had already talked to myself about how nice and slow i wanted to go, to be able to enjoy the moment and relax into it. But, it didn’t happen that way. Okay, whatever, it was what it was. So i just was grateful for the one and tried to ignore the annoyance i was feeling, and set about watching tv.

But then the tv show wasn’t that great, and my mind began to think. i thought about how he never said i couldn’t play with myself more than once, only that i couldn’t orgasm more than once.

While i had wanted to go slow and enjoy myself upfront and because i usually struggle to get myself to orgasm more than once in such short periods (David can pull as many orgasms from me in as short of a period as he ever desires!), i could play with myself AFTER instead of BEFORE the single permitted orgasm. While playing AFTER isn’t quite as anticipatory as it would have been (and the grand finale ending will be different), i could do this instead!

i can fondle and love on myself, inside and out, maybe learn how to get myself to the edge after one orgasm, and well, have fun this way too. All while never orgasming the second time.

No problem, challenge accepted! i got this! So i grabbed my favorite dildo and set about having fun.

Unfortunately it didn’t take long before i was getting so close to the edge, that even i was surprising myself.

It wasn’t much longer and i heard my head screaming, “S-T-O-P! Don’t go over! Don’t allow yourself this indulgence!” The problem was i didn’t want to stop, but i did want to be good!

So now an internal battle began….

My left hand kept moving the dildo in and out, while my right hand kept rubbing on my clit. My head said, “Just a little bit more…. Besides, this was a challenge and you can stop before you go over that edge. Push that ‘edge’ further out!”

Then my head also told me, “this is so good. Keep going! It will be alright. You got this!”

And i kept going. And going.

And then i suddenly recognized that desire inside me building. The one that becomes determined to get what i want. i wanted to keep going….. and going…. right over that edge. i knew i simply needed to go over that edge. Or at least i told myself that. i thought, “why stop now? Just GO over the edge already! Take this!”

And i did.

It felt SO good! i was feeling those endorphins course through me. It did indeed feel so damn good.

And then the high subsided and the moment of realization hit. i suddenly became sober in the reality of the moment and the question of “what have i done?!” was in my head.

i thought a minute… and the next question came into my head.….“Do i HAVE to tell David?”

And the immediate answer of, “YES, of course you have to!” came right back too.

And just like that my good and bad side both started to fight saying, “No you don’t have to tell him. He never has to know.”

“But i will know.”

“It’s your body! You can reward yourself if you need it. Besides, we didn’t even think this could actually happen. You so rarely ever have a second orgasm at your own hand in quick succession.”

“But i will know.”

“And if you tell him, you’ll likely have a red bottom shortly after he is home.”

“Yes, true. But i will know.”

“And when the permanent/fitted chastity belt finally comes in, the one you can wear 24/7 if he wants you to, it will likely be glued on your puss! Then you won’t get to touch it at all!”

“Also true. But i will know. And we have an honest relationship. i knew not to do this, and i just didn’t care. Now i have to own my situation and tell him!”

So i texted him and told him.

The response i got back was, “hmm.”

i think i may regret this decision by this time tomorrow! Or maybe i already regret it now!

Hugs,

Marie

251 – Permission granted. But only to drink.

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i have to ask permission to drink.

Why? Because i get incredibly horny when i drink.

i lose all inhibitions and go after what i want. i become determined to get it too. It’s the only time i truly become aggressive. Not really in a bad way, but rather a determined way. i know what i want, i know how to get it, and i go get it!

And that doesn’t always sit so well with David. Sometimes it does please him, as he gets his cock ridden like the slut i am! But sometimes… he’s just not feeling it! So… i have to ask to drink..because why start something he may not want to finish (or deal with me being pushy about it).

Tonight, i asked to drink some red wine. It’s our favorite. David has collected bottles for a few years now, and we have a LOT of wine in our house.

After getting permission, i opened a bottle. i drank almost half of it, which was MORE than enough! i needed his cock inside me!

i sat on one couch, with my Sir on the next. He was almost laying on the couch. i saw myself stripping my clothes off. Seductively but quickly.

i walked over to him, pulled his cock out of his shorts, and sucked him hard. He continued to watch tv and allowed me to sexually turn him on. That’s when i turned myself perpendicular to him, stood on the floor and leaned backwards, like sitting in a chair. i lowered myself down to sit down on his cock. His focus on the tv never waivers. The entire time, while i impaled myself on his cock, he just kept watching tv. He felt SO damn good inside my wet cunt!

And that’s when i felt his hand move up and grab and squeeze my boob tight and hard. It was enough to encourage me to keep going!

i used my thigh muscles to pull myself up and then just drop straight down again right onto his cock. It went deep inside me. As deep as he could possibly be, so that i felt every centimeter filling me up whole! i started to move up slowly, and the down was fast and hard! i wanted to feel his cock deep . i wanted to have him fill me up. And i wanted it to hurt! There was no way it could hurt enough to offset the exquisites pleasure i was simultaneously feeling!

The only thing i now needed….. and what i really wanted was to cum …. all over that cock of my Sir. i wanted it slick with my juice. Although i really didn’t care if he orgasmed, as this was about me getting myself off with his cock instead of a stupid dildo. He was going to feel it too obviously, which made it even better yet, but this was about me. And i knew it too!

i was really just fucking myself using his cock to get there. i went faster up and harder down, with every thrust of my hips. i went as fast as i could! It made my boobs flip up and down in the process. They were flipping so much, it hurt my tits too. i didn’t care! A little bit more pain is good for me! i need to feel the pain to get the pleasure to be just that much bigger too.

i didn’t dare look at him as his eyes alone may tell me he isn’t happy i just took it upon myself to fuck him. Or am i fucking myself? i don’t even know anymore. But does it even matter? As long as he is enjoying it enough that he doesn’t stop me. i have to go faster. It may end soon, but I have to get to that O!

i am grinding hard on him now. Nothing can stop me. i am so fucking close to a huge orgasm. i know what i want and i know how to get it! A few… more… thrusts and i am there! i am exactly where i want to be….. a slut fucking her Sir’s cock and enjoying it to the fullest.

Screech…… stop.

And that’s when i have to tell you …. This is ALL a figment of my imagination, all except for the wine that it. i was drinking and i was horny as hell, and i wanted his cock in my pussy.

But i KNOW better than to assume i can go over and take what i want. That’s quite literally NEVER going to happen! If i tried to fuck my Sir like that, even “if” he would like it and even”if” i got his cock hard and even “if” i did all the work, he wouldn’t allow it to happen! If for no other reason, he would have to prove that he is in charge and he’d have to put me back in my place so he would slap my ass and make me stop right then and there. i doubt I would even get his cock hard, let alone impaling my needy cunt!

i am submissive and he is Dominant. i don’t get to take what i want. Ever. Especially when it has to do with his cock and my orgasm! That’s fucking absurd!

Fuck. i want to be fucked! i want to do all the work and he just has to sit back and allow it to happen! But… i know he won’t allow it, so i won’t feel it. And i won’t attempt it. i have zero desire to be punished, only rewarded!

After i wrote all this, David & i started to head to bed. As we were standing in the bathroom, fully clothed and i started to brush my teeth he said, “the answer is no!”

i found it amusing as i hadn’t said a word but with that, i said, “i didn’t know you knew there was a question Sir.”

He said, “of course I knew.” Neither of us actually verbalized the question but both of us knew…. The question was, “can i cum please Sir?” i mean, i wassss drinking after all!

After brushing my teeth, i decided to sleep naked. Sometimes i do that, but most of the time i don’t. He laughed and said, “you think you can do that with control? I did just say NO.”

And with that, i decided to tell him about what i thought about and wrote to you above. i didn’t tell him my assumption of how it would have really gone… with him stopping me and possibly whipping my ass even. i just told him about the sexy parts! And about me jumping on top of him. And he scoffed and said, “yeah, right. I wouldn’t have allowed that.” i guess i was right! Do i know my Sir or what?

i halfway wondered what it would take for him to order me in the belt. He didn’t order it though. Not sure if that’s good or bad. Like i said before, it’s a life vest… but it’s also a security blanket.

With that, he turned off the light and said goodnight. He left me hanging. Wet and horny and nowhere to go! Maybe tomorrow.

Hugs,

Marie

250 – Please Sir, may i have another?

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“NO! You may NOT. In fact, your only choices are chastity belt or self control. Which do you think it should be?” My Sir asked me tonight after he touched his beautiful pussy with his hands and let me cum.

This was after he arrived home last night and did NOT touch me or allow me to orgasm. i did not make it the entire time he was gone in chastity, but he was ok with that. i was allowed to take a 12-hours break, from 9p to 9a. And then from that time, until he arrived home at 8p, i was locked in tight.

And when we got home from the airport, he said, “while I’m tired and not going to touch you, you may take off the belt too.” And last night i did have self control. i was relieved to be out of the belt when i was allowed the release as it was starting to chafe a bit in a few places, and while i was disappointed no sex or sexual activity, i was still grateful he was home. And i saw the release from the belt as a privilege and a reward to be cherished. No way was i going to mess things up or disappoint him!

So tonight, i knew his day at work today was rough, so i was just trying to stay out of his way and went to our bed to watch tv where he then came in and joined me. He didn’t care one iota about the show, but he did give a lot of attention to my clit!

He pulled the covers back, exposing my pretty, clean-shaven, pussy. (He FINALLY let me shave it again yesterday. He said he had been testing me to see: 1) how long it would be before i asked to shave, 2) if i would bug him about it, 3) if i would just shave it anyway, with or without permission. When i was a good girl and didn’t do any of those things, he was pleased. So the first time i asked if he would consider letting me shave it, he said yes that i could. And i did!)

His fingers felt magical. It has been far too long since he’s touch HIs pussy! He found my clit so quickly too, where he caressed, and lightly played and even flicked at it. It wasn’t but a few short minutes (like TWO!) that i was begging to cum. He said no, and kept at it. It was another 30-seconds and i begged to cum again and he still said no. My legs started to shake out of control. i was starting to panic as i was just so close to orgasming without permission. i finally just said, “Sir, please allow me to cum or else please stop before i go over the edge.” And he said, “okay, you may cum.” And i did! Nearly on command at that point!

And just like that, he stopped. No more touching. He was done. And he said i was too.

It was then that i begged for just ONE more. He said no again. i said, “But Sir, you didn’t even penetrate me. i would really love it if even one finger would go inside.”

He said, “I’m aware that I didn’t stick my fingers, or any other part of me, inside your yang-yang.” He had never called it that, so it stuck with me.

He then continued, “I’m thinking maybe I don’t let you cum again until you can learn to squirt.” I have squirted exactly twice ever, both my accident, and it surprised even me!

i said, “i am fairly certain you’d have to penetrate me. We could practice it now if you want….”

“Nah, that’s ok. You’ve already orgasmed once now. That’s enough.”

Of course, i was hoping he’d still touch me again despite his words. So i left my legs spread and my bare pussy exposed there.

With my legs wide open and my pussy on display, i let my fingers just start to roam. i stroked his arm, down onto my thigh, up to my crotch and across the top part of my mound. When i was about to test my luck and move a slight bit further south was exactly when i heard him say, “what are you doing?”

My response was straight forward, “hoping to entice you to touch it again Sir. To have you open me up wide, stick as many of your fingers deep inside me as possible, and let my pussy cum all over you.”

He then said, “lift your hands up.” And i did. He grabbed the bed covers and pulled them up. He covered up his pussy and he said, “now put your hands down on top.” And i did.

That’s when he said, “I said I was done. That means you are too. THIS is better. Now you can’t see it and can simply distract yourself from it. Start reading, watch tv, or go to sleep, whatever you want, but don’t touch! And if you insist on pressing things any further, we will have to do some punishment.”

i really was about to start pouting or maybe even crying! i really wanted to orgasm from penetration too! In an attempt to NOT be bratty AND to show my thanks for the one orgasm i was allowed, i decided to lean over to kiss him and said, “Thank you Sir.” While i meant it fully, i think he doubted my intentions. He was just looking at me and then said, “you are welcome, but the answer is still no.”

“Please Sir, can i touch it just a little bit more and make it orgasm all on my own?!” Apparently he was right to doubt me!

That was when he said, “self control or chastity. Which will it be?”

i thought i could employ self control (surely i am able, right?), but as i started to read i felt my clit brushing against the bed sheets. i was feeling it raw and whole. It was just barely touching me, yet i felt every bit of it! And i was struggling. i told David and he said, “you really have NO self control, do you?!”

“Not much Sir.”

And he shook his head and said, “I guess it’s the belt for you for tonight.”

And i went to put it on.

So i will sleep with it on tonight. You may think this is terrible and a punishment of sorts, but that’s not how i see it at all actually. In fact, five or so minutes after it went on, David asked me, “will you be able to sleep tonight or are you too frustrated to relax?” Notice he didn’t ask if i was comfortable in the belt… or ask me if i wanted to have it off…

i thought about my answer for just a split second and answered honestly with, “Yes Sir, i will actually sleep better now with it on than with it off. i can relax knowing i am kept in check, in chastity. i am happy to be restricted and have my ability to touch myself taken away. This way, i have extra help but i will be in compliance too. This belt is like a life vest, a life saver when it is needed, and tonight i needed it.”

i surprised him with my answer. i think he thought i would see sleeping with the belt on as more of a punishment than a reward, but i truly see it as a life vest. It saved me from myself tonight, to which i am grateful!

Sometimes, we just need a little help. And that’s what i got!

Hugs,

Marie

249 – Loaded and then locked.

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Now that we are again healthy, we are getting back to our normal 24/7 D/s lifestyle. We don’t do this D/s lifestyle just for kink or sex, but instead ALL the time in kink/sex AND also all other times too. i would say that the vanilla/nonsexual times are where i have been practicing some of my best submission because it is easy to be submissive in sexual times, but requires a lot more active and intentional submission in nonsexual times.

And then there is the chastity belt.

Chastity is a crossover. It’s neither sexual or nonsexual, but it’s not NOT sexual or nonsexual. It’s a weird in between both sexual and nonsexual at the same time. The entire job for the chastity belt is the restriction of sex while not in a sexual scene. It’s intentionally forcing a nonsexual position onto a (possible) otherwise sex position.

In fact, the best use of the chastity belt is to ensure there is NO sex when it is NOT time for it. And for me, that’s seriously needed. i have a love affair with myself… well, sort of. i mean, i do have a self love, but that is something everyone should have. The true love i have and am speaking of is the natural high i that comes over me when i orgasm. i truly don’t care how i achieve it, as long as i do!

That natural high that comes when my body goes over the edge after all the blood rushes to my clit and it throbs with excitement, floods with wetness, and the endorphins that overtake me is truly a feeling i seek out as much as i can!

i love, need, and seek out that high! In fact, i’d say i have an addiction to it.

i crave it. And when i can’t go over that edge, i begin to find ways to get it. i especially want it when i am not allowed to.

Orgasm is an explicitly stated forbidden fruit. i can eat of any other fruit, except the fruit of orgasm. Orgasm is allowed only with permission.

And when David is out of town, i do NOT have permission. Yet, i want it! Can you blame me? The high that comes when those endorphins release just takes away all the stress, all the problems, and it’s all natural too. Who wouldn’t want that?!?

But i want to be a good submissive wife. Really, i do! i want to follow the directives given to me. Besides, getting that Orgasm illicitly isn’t ever as nice as when it comes with permission.

All that said….. because we had to take a break from chastity belt training with our vacations and illnesses, i am out of practice now. So as David left out of town, it was not mandated to wear it. In fact, we haven’t gotten to the mandate of “wear it any time i am not in his presence,” but i think when the custom belt comes in that is exactly where we will go and especially with more practice under our belt again. (See the pun there…… under the belt?! lol)

So a small side squirrel trail…. for a LOT of years, David (and every other partner who has ever been with me), has told me my pussy is “very tight.” On some level, tight is good. But then there’s the “very” tight level, making it a squeeze for a cock to feel comfortable in. When a cock is squeezed out of a space it should be welcomed into and call home is never any good!

Soooo when some women are busy strengthening their kegel muscles, i am regularly working to stretch my muscles out! i have read that when used, stretched, and forced to relax, the muscles will eventually loosen up permanently. i’d say i have made a bit of progress over the years, but it’s been a thing with me for a long time and will probably be a thing forever actually.

i have become quite creative with the stretching exercises over the years. i find lots of things in the house that are primed to go up inside the hole and hold it open for a bit of time. But the best thing is always a compact dildo, that i can keep inside me and wear under my clothes for any length of time needed or desired.

This stretching process causes me to play with myself .. which leads to being turned on… which leads me to want to go after that big Orgasm.

So that brings me to today. David is out of town. He knows i stretch my pussy and not only does he approve it, he encourages it. (He likes having my puss as his cock’s warm and inviting home!)

With him away, i decided to take some pics of his pussy, stuffed with a dildo, and send to him. He loved the pics, but he proceeded to ask, “and has my pussy orgasmed?”

i spoke the truth, “No Sir”.

“Do you want it to?”

And i spoke truth again, “OH Yes! Sir, may i orgasm?”

“No.”

Ugh! Maybe if i ask nicely…..

“Pleaseeeee Sir?!?”

“I said no, I meant no. In fact, put the chastity belt on. And send me a picture of that when it’s on!”

“Yes Sir.”

And then there came one more text…. “And be sure to leave the dildo inside.”

What?

“Sir, i would like to clarify. Are you telling me to lock myself up, with the dildo inside too?”

“Yes. That is what you need to do.”

Oh my.

So i did.

He then said, “good girl. I’ll let you know when it can come off. And if you think it needs to come off before that, ask nicely and it may be allowed. But don’t orgasm as that is not allowed!”

i am now sitting here fully loaded … and absolutely locked in…. until further notice. As i sit here as the horny little slut i am, desperately wanting to orgasm, with no ability to do so in any way… in a (non-sexual) chastity belt moment.

But i can’t tell a lie, i truly LOVE being locked up and not being allowed to orgasm and submitting to my loving Dominant husband!

And David is home this time tomorrow…. 🥰

Hugs,

Marie

248 – Happy to be healthy!

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Being sick is never a good thing. David got Covid, and then i did. i definitely had it worse than he did, but all in all, neither of us had it “too” badly either. His Covid stint lasted about 2-days and ended up just being a bad cold, whereas i was sick for a full 5-days with a bad cold and a lot of body aches and heaviness about me too.

While the metal taste in the mouth is terrible, i highly recommend if you should turn up with Covid to talk to your doc about getting the anti-viral meds now available as it made a positive difference. Won’t lie though, the metal mouth taste is awful. All in all, i would do it again to reduce the complications and difficulties experienced with Covid too.

When i become sick, which really doesn’t happen often, David becomes what i would call a (light) submissive.

Even though sometimes i would love for him to be, David isn’t a demanding Dominant Sir. He’s never that way, but especially when i am sick. Instead he takes care of me, asking what he can do to help more, cooks/cleans/ laundry, and helps me as best he can. Of course with Covid, the best way to help was really just staying away really, but even that, he did with grace and compassion making me love him even more!

But i won’t lie, being separated from David physically while still in the same house for nearly 2-weeks now has been awful too. And this weekend, David has to travel again as well.

Needless to say, with vacations, work trips, and both having Covid we haven’t actually seen, touched, or felt like we live together for almost a full month! It’s getting old and taking its toll on my mental health. i know it’s all temporary and will pass soon enough too, but it feels like the days drag on…and on… and on…. And… ok, i will stop now. But it is ongoing still too.

Not to mention, when we are apart, mentally, physically, or both, it becomes challenging to stay submissive. i mean, after all, when you are “alone” (and sick) it’s easy to just act, do, and say anything you want. Right?!

Well….. i don’t want to act, say, or do as i want, but to some degree, that’s what happens.

i would say there are two things that generally land me in trouble most frequently: 1) my mouth. Saying things that are rude, insulting, or disrespectful, and 2) laziness. Saying i will do something and not doing it as quickly as possible or just flat out forgetting afterward, is frequently a big problem for me.

And when i don’t feel good…. “I” come first. So I don’t care (in that moment anyway) if I speak harshly or inappropriately, nor do I feel like I have to get up/do things that I don’t want to do, even when those things are in my own best interest (like remembering to take the medicine on time and drinking lots of fluids).

Acting that way is just dumb. i admit that now. Definitely not appropriate.

Of course, David doesn’t expect me to be perfect ever, but especially not when i am not feeling good. There’s also no reason to ever be disrespectful to anyone really, let alone my Sir. In that moment though, I am selfish and not at all submissive.

Yet, i am always submissive. It was a choice i made long ago, it is at the core of me, and it is who i am. It’s not something that was forced upon me. i wouldn’t even really say i chose it, but rather, it chose me. (i could dive into that thought a bit more too, but i will just leave it right there for now.).

So to not act kindly and respectfully, and to not do as i am told, even when i am unwell is not acceptable. (And especially when the things i was told to do are for my own health, it’s not like it was too much trouble or not focused on me anyway! i mean, he didn’t ask me to run errands, cook/clean, etc. He asked me to drink more to stay properly hydrated!)

Don’t get me wrong, i wasn’t terrible. i just wasn’t good either.

So i asked for maintenance to be reinstated upon his return home. i think it would be a good way to get back into being “us.” He agreed.

We have always done maintenance on Friday’s, to be able to start the weekends off right. Because he is back on Monday though, i think i may ask for it early this coming week to start the whole week off right.

Until then, it will be a long (lonely) weekend alone….

Well, i’m not exactly alone… our son is here with me. And speaking of, i haven’t even told you that he graduated from high school in May and will be leaving in August to move on-campus in college. We will be empty nesters, to which i will be sad to be away from our son, but glad to have more of David/me time too. i am fully expecting to be more “in the moment” with D/s with an empty house soon. More directives without covert language, more “Sir” spoken aloud in the moment, more naked, more spankings …. All in that moment… come mid August and beyond! Stay tuned!

Anyway, i am happy to be healthy again and now getting back to normal again too!

Hugs,

Marie