i asked to play last night. i wasn’t any more horny than normal, just a little needy. i was proud of myself yesterday. i spent some time in the morning making a list for the week. We have a big family thing this weekend so it’s all hands on deck at my parents. So i plowed through yesterday and i got several things sorted. i think i was feeling like i needed a reward. i know that that isn’t really my call, but i did know David would be proud of my good day.
So it didn’t feel too ‘topping from the bottom’ when i requested some fun. Of course i’ve learned to reserve my excitement until i learn what he’s got planned for me. But of course i was excited too.
After my June and July tasks of wearing the butt plug for several hours, August and September were a bit of a wash. So Sir ordered me to start getting my ass back in shape for him. i hadn’t even realized how long it had been until he mentioned it. So i have been working to be ready when he wanted to use me like that. Last night he decided i had had enough time.
He told me to wait for him in the bedroom, in the usual spot, undressed, standing facing the bed. He came in the room and without a word pressed me down onto the bed and climbed over me. i heard him open the lube and felt it cold against my ass and then i felt him, hard as granite, push into me, felt the pressure at the opening for a moment, and then felt him jab hard past it and slide deep into me in one thrust that I thought might end only once it had come back out of my throat.
But then he was gently, and built a slow rhythm that felt amazing. Having an orgasm from anal isn’t guaranteed, but Sir has a way of helping me enjoy it. Soon enough he could see that i was geting too excited and i was worried i might cum just as he helpfully reached around me and pinched my nipples so hard it brought me right back to him in an instant, where i stayed, squeezing him with my ass in time with each thrust until he came so hard i think the neighbors might have heard.
After making me a happy dirty submissive thing we both curled up and lay spent and happy. A great ending to my productive day. Lots to help motivate me to stay on top of my list today. Because nothing motivates like rough anal sex. That’s my helpful tip of the day.
So much of D/s, specifically TPE, is about an emotional response to an activity. A dominant wants control over a situation and a submissive’s actions, as well as their feelings about what is happening to them. Location plays a big part of this. Doing a scene in a child’s bedroom can bring about different emotional responses from different subs. Some may take on a child-like persona; some may just be distracted by how uncomfortable they are around a bunch of toys (Can you guess which one I’d be?). Clean freak subs could be completely thrown from the dirty floor they are kneeling on. If that’s the response that the Dom wants, then great. If not, then it could ruin the scene.
We do not have a set dungeon space in our house. As much as Sir wants to have one eventually in a new place, I’m not holding my breath. So, when we play, we are not always in the same area, or even the same floor. And, I have found, that the various locations around our home bring out a strata of emotions, no matter what we are doing. Whatever the emotion, however, Sir has control over the space and what he wants me to feel throughout our play.
Bedroom
Because, obvious. I couldn’t really talk about BDSM scene locations without mentioning the bedroom. It is my favorite place to play. Most often the only place we have sex (unless the kids are not home or passed out). I just feel the most comfortable there. I find myself more willing to do anything and try anything because of how comfortable and safe I feel. Our room brings out my submissive pet nature and often my most sexual side. I have my little bed on the floor that I can see during our scenes.
I am always pulled into my submissive headspace when I am in the bedroom. Even if he is at work and I am just going in there to get laundry. I feel a wave of comfort and safety. It’s a gooey slavey place for me.
Sitting Room (First floor)
I generalized this as the first floor as we usually start in the sitting room, but I often end up crawling the entire space. Most of our scenes are played by the couch and coffee table.
This is a very high protocol space for me. I am often leashed when we play and there is more of a focus on service. I serve Sir drinks, often on trays. Sir wants me to be on my toes so that I can respond to his whims. And I feel that. I am comfortable, but always aware. I am rarely blindfolded, but often gagged, so that I can see his reactions and signals and react wordlessly.
This is a surprisingly comfortable space for me. I feel safe the strictness of it all. It’s not completely routine, but I am used to not being allowed to cum when we play in the sitting room. I don’t expect it anymore. I can focus on cock worship and general service. If I do get to cum, Sir usually takes me upstairs to the bedroom first (see why I like the bedroom).
Bathroom
This is a much more confusing area for me. I find I am able to transition my feelings when I am in the bathroom when he is not there with me (which is good). But I am very apprehensive in the bathroom with him.
Last night I had to squat next to him while he peed. Then he had me ‘clean off’ his penis with my tongue. It was hot. But there is always a sense of wondering what he is going to do. Was that it? Was there more?
This space holds a lot of dichotomy. Showering together (though we rarely get the chance), is a very sensual and calming experience. But when he uses me as a urinal I feel humiliated. Both can be positive, given the right context, but it is a little unnerving to not know which I will leave the bathroom feeling when he follows me in.
Basement
I hate our basement. I’m not sure I can clarify that enough for you. I hate it. It’s dirty, full of boxes, and we have to take a baby monitor down with us as it’s so far away from the sleeping kids.
I also hate it because Sir’s sadistic side comes out in the basement. He can string me up down there. He makes me walk along ropes with knots hitting my clit while hitting me with a crop. It sounds hot. In fact, I’m not sure I would have such a negative response if he did the same thing in our bedroom. But in this case, it is very much the location that brings about a specific feeling. Unease and dread.
The basement is cold. I’m naked, often gagged, and with way too much time to look at all the dirt on the floor and places where I need to organize. There is something about the space that puts me in a submissive, but almost kidnapped headspace. And I’m sure that is where Sir wants me to be. I am my most vulnerable down there. I’m uncomfortable and I will do anything to get out of there. Including take as much pain as humanly possible. Thankfully, he doesn’t take me down there often as he knows what an emotional drain it is.
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As much as I would love to have a dungeon play space in our next home, I enjoy moving around our house when we play. The variety of emotions is helpful to me, and I think also to Sir, to enjoy our TPE in new ways. So check out all the rooms in your home to find the fun (and frightening) you can have.
*This is a look at how I feel in different spaces during specific play. Your results WILL vary. Play safe.*
As part of our rework this weekend, Sir and I talked about how we have been having some issues with communication. Sir doesn’t feel that I have been open enough about my struggles with submitting to him during the work day and when I am alone with the boys. I think that I fight the urge to burden him with my stress while he is at work. But, by not being open with my horniness, stress, and desire to submit, he feels directionless in dominating me. And I have been getting more and more bitter on nights when I go to bed horny and frustrated. With the stress of the children and, recently, this job search, it just doesn’t work. I just get upset and mad at him, and everyone else; my fuse is millimeters long. Not good for a mom with young children. Not to mentioned depressed, stressed, and sleep-deprived.
So, in his infinite wisdom, Sir has decided on a different approach. Rather than sex as a reward he is going to use chastity as punishment. I know that that sounds like the same thing, but it is actually very different. Before, my orgasms were a reward for extremely good behavior. These were often given at the end of a scene or play, after he had cum. So, if for whatever reason, our time was cut short (remember, young children) my orgasm would be forfeit. I found it hard to stay motivated and often found myself getting snippy and bratty because of this. I felt unappreciated and that my service, both domestic and sexual, was being ignored.
And I hated feeling like that. I really approach my submission with a ‘whatever he says goes’ and ‘suck it up, buttercup’ attitude. So why couldn’t I accept his decision about my orgasms? Truthfully, I don’t think I know how to completely deal with my raised sex drive. Basically, since I got pregnant with our second child and I started researching BDSM my horniness has really come out. I thought it may go down after I gave birth, but it didn’t. And now that I have my depression under control, I don’t have anything else to ‘blame’. BDSM has given me the ability and the platform to be the, apparently previously hidden, sexual person I really am. And as much as I love that realization, I’ve not actually had to time to process it’s ramifications completely. Even after we got married, I would go weeks without an orgasm and be fine. I survived my first pregnancy and recovery without issue. This moody response that triggers after hardly 48 hours has been as hard for me to deal with as it has been for Sir. It’s not acceptable, but I haven’t found anything to fix it. So instead, Sir and I need to adapt.
Now my orgasms are not wishful thinking. His are.
If I preform tasks, like Sunday’s cleaning, I get a massive orgasm; or possibly many. Even if I don’t impress him, my orgasm isn’t necessarily taken off the table. But it will be quick. No time will be taken; no after cuddles provided. More importantly, now, are his orgasms. If I succeed in my ordered endeavors, I will get the chance to give him an amazing orgasm. On Sunday, if I had not followed his direction, he said that he would just jerk off in a towel. At first I was startled that he would be ok masturbating rather than using my body. But then I realized how upset I was at the thought that my behavior would cause him to have to do that. Immediately I wanted to do everything I could to avoid him having to use a towel. My orgasm wasn’t important, I just didn’t want him to not be given the relaxing orgasm that he deserves; that my body could give him. Like it was some sort of horror. It didn’t used to be. I remember, before BDSM, I would go to sleep and he would be horny and just jerk off so he could fall asleep. It never really bothered me then. But I remember this feeling of panic when he told me as he put my gag on Sunday night.
I never would have thought that ‘switching’ the orgasm focus could be so effective. And so immediate. And so lasting. Sir didn’t have a great Monday and turned in soon after the boys went to bed. So I came downstairs to write and finish up a few work bits and bobs. I felt good. Not bitter, and certainly not moody at the idea that he needed some rest. I was calm. Calm and happy.
Sex leads to submission, submission leads to sex. I think this new approach will be a win/win for both of us. Because I will do whatever I can to keep him away from that towel and reaching for me instead.
I have tried many new things since entering the world of DD. Many things that I didn’t even know existed just a few years ago. Looking back, my vanilla life was so innocent compared to my life now. Who knew the massive education that D/s would provide?
One of the largest areas of new territory (no pun intended) has anal play. I’ve written before about our exploration of the anal plug as a domestic discipline exercise. (This is the first anal plug that Sir bought for me).
To prepare for the plug I had to start putting fingers in my ass while in the shower. Something I never in my life thought I would do. But this process has been all about pushing myself. So we eventually graduated from training to my pretty pink plug, and that was where we remained for several years.
Fast Forward to late last year (2024), and David’s increasing interest in using my ass not just as a tool to enforce discipline, and not just to come on, but as a soft, warm thing to come into. I’d grown more comfortable with the idea over time, and after a first awkward anal experience, I can now proudly announce that we have anal sex. Often.
Recently, Sir has decided to try something new. Over the last month we have been incorporating me giving him rim jobs into our play. Talk about things I never thought I would do. But it was a lot easier than I thought. And his reaction is always a good motivator. Hearing him moan and appreciate my service is wonderful. It’s not my favorite thing in the world to do. I’d be lying if I tried to go that far. But as far as things that make him happy, it’s a lot easier than taking a beating from the paddle. But it has been an interesting addition. We have been incorporating it slowly, as both of us are getting comfortable with our limits. Just like playing with new sexual positions, we are working through what our bodies with allow us to do. Nothing makes me feel older than trying to get into a position for some sexual play (sex, oral, anal, etc.) and finding that I cannot manage it. But it’s all about experimenting.
There are so many nerves in the ass (just in case you didn’t know). Even just the simple pressure of my tongue can turn him on. I like to think that my tongue has special powers, but nothing proved this like a rim job. I honestly think he enjoys it almost as much as a blow job. Admittedly, I like giving blow jobs more, but I have thing for cock.
As difficult as this process has been as a whole, adding new things has been easy. It’s these little steps forward that keep me realizing that I can do this. I mean, if I can make him moan by licking his ass then I must be doing something right.
I am familiar with regular chakras but I have never heard of spanking ones. I share this with you today to expand our knowledge of all aspects of spanking.
Tantra sex has been around but tantra spanking is a new one for me. It implies a spiritual aspect to sex and now spanking. What is being referred to here is erotic spanking and not punishment or discipline spanking. The site also talks about stopping frequently to rub certain areas and that it is important to reposition the spankee often:
“No matter how perfect the spankee is positioned, s/he can always improve, holding the buttocks out a little further, etc. The spanker should not shirk from making exacting demands regarding proper positioning of the spankee throughout each Cycle.”
