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10 – Focus already! … Red ass indeed

Written by Marie on . Posted in Spanking, Uncategorized. 1 Comment on 10 – Focus already! … Red ass indeed

So David came home from his work-travel trip this week.  And at the conclusion of our at-home family dinner he said very calmly and appropriately to me, “Go make yourself ready.  Be prepared to tell me about your Transgressions.”

Well, i knew.   But in my head i thought, “our son is home.  Surely he won’t do anything while our son is home and awake and can hear.  Maybe he didn’t mean ready for spanking, but maybe ready for bed?!”  So I brushed my teeth.

Oops!  Boy was i wrong!  He came in and said, “Getting ready means brushing your teeth?!?!?” and i calmly responded, “Getting ready for bed does.”  And he said, “do NOT test me!” (Ok, he was right. i knew. Even you knew. Right?!?)

So i stopped and dropped.  My pants, panties, shirt, bra.  Everything.  And i calmly walked to the edge of the bed and placed my hands on the bed, with my feet firmly on the floor.  He makes a point to tell me that my “heels are to remain on the floor at all times.”  i almost never succeed in this, but i can keep trying!

As i waited for what came next, i felt his hand come up under my arm.  He had recently bought some of the mini sized clothes pins.  And he pinched them open and applied one to each nipple.  And that’s when he got out the flogger.  He hit me firmly with it exactly 5 times.  It made a LOT of noise.  i feared our son would hear.  But if he did, he didn’t say anything.  And between each swat, i had to tell him another Transgression.

Then he stood me up, thanked me for all that i had done right, forgave me for all that was not done correct, and all was forgiven.  But the clothes pins were to stay for awhile longer as a reminder.

About an hour later, my nipples were swollen and throbbing, but i didn’t dare say a word.  i did fear he’d maybe forgotten.  But he had not and he finally relented and took them off.  And OH-HOLY-HELL when they came off, the rush of blood back into the nipple caused some immediate pain!  And then it subsided almost as fast.  But wow, i wasn’t expecting that!

i was relieved that was all there was.  And then we went to sleep.

That was 2-days ago.

Then yesterday.  i was struggling to focus at all, on anything, at work yesterday.  So i gave up at 3p and went home.  When i got home, he was there as he frequently works from home.  He asked me why i was home so i told him (the truth!) about being unable to focus.

And that’s when he said, “Go to the bedroom.”  And i did.  And i stripped.  i prepared myself. This time to be spanked and not brushing my teeth! 😉

When he came in, he asked me if i knew why i was there.  i responded with “i was unable to focus today and i need a mind readjustment.” He said, “very good.  You were able to focus on that.  Let’s see if you can focus on this.”  And i felt the paddle come down …. hard… on my ass.

My ankles left the floor.  And he fussed at me and then placed his foot on top of the arch of my foot, with a hand on the small of my back to force my feet (and heels) to stay down also.

He said, “You will respond with ‘i will focus’ between each swat.  Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir”.

SWAT.

“i will focus”

SWAT.

“i WILL focus”

SWAT.

“i PROMISE i WILL FOCUS!”

Him:  “Are you sure?  REALLY sure?”

SWAT.

“Yes Sir.  i WILL FOCUS!”

Him: “Not good enough”

SWAT!

“i will focus”.  This is where the tears were welling up in my eyes.  But he didn’t know that as my head was down and not facing him.  i know he HAD to have heard it in my cracking voice though.

He cared, but not enough to stop.  He hadn’t driven home his point yet.

This continued for a total of somewhere around 15 swats.  i’m not really sure, because i was simply FOCUSED on saying, “i will focus” and attempting (and failing!) to keep my ankles on the floor.

And with that, he said, “Let’s see how much you are really ready to focus.  I’m sure there are emails you’ve neglected today in your lack of focus.  Go answer emails now.”

i didn’t put on a single stitch of clothing.  He didn’t say “Get dressed and then go answer emails”  instead, i heard exactly what he said, “GO ANSWER EMAILS NOW.” That meant “FOCUS on exactly what I said and GO NOW!” and do not stop or pass go or collect $200.  So i did.

And i started up my laptop.  i opened email.  And i more-or-less just sat there.  i just wasn’t feeling the focus at all … still…

At least i can say i was trying to focus, which was more than i could say i’d done earlier in the day.  But still, not really focused!

And he noticed.

BACK TO THE BEDROOM.  NOW.

Here we go again.  Oh yikes!  Really, WHY did i do this to myself?  i didn’t really set out to do this, it ‘just happened.’

And i assumed the position.  i wondered how my ass was going to take this and if he’d show mercy on me.  He did not.

SWAT.

“i will focus”

Him:  “Really?  That’s what you said last time.  Not even 20 minutes ago!”

SWAT

“i will focus”

Him: “WHEN?  Today or tomorrow? What is it going to take Marie?”

SWAT

“i will focus”

SWAT

“i will focus”

Him:  “Ready to truly focus?”

SWAT

“i will focus.  Yes Sir, i am.”

SWAT

“i really am ready to focus Sir.”

Again, i know it was around 10 total, but i wasn’t even focused on counting. He stood me up and said, “i want you to go set an alarm for 15-minutes.  Do NOT get distracted by ANYTHING and read and respond to as many emails as you can in that time.  I’m telling you again – Do NOT get distracted!”

“Yes Sir”

And i did!  i succeeded this time!

i deserved a red ass

i really did.  i know i did.  i was not focused – on anything including being spanked and his attempts to help me RE-focus – and accomplished very little beforehand.  But i did certainly want to please Sir and i wanted to focus.  He definitely helped me to shut out the world, all the distractions, and FOCUS on one thing – my ass – okay, maybe a few things – the words, “i will focus” and pleasing my Sir.

Today my butt is sore.  But my mind is FOCUSED.

While i needed to focus yesterday, today i’m reminded as my butt is a bit sore overall.  i looked in the mirror and saw a couple of bruises.  i suppose i deserved that too.  i hope i can stay focused and not have to have a repeat of this session…. i suspect next time it would be even worse!

Hugs ~

Marie

9 – Why do i never capitalize i?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. 4 Comments on 9 – Why do i never capitalize i?

Hello ~

You may have noticed i don’t capitalize “I” when i speak about me.  i thought this might be a good time to explain why i never capitalize “I”.

In short – Submission at its fullest.

And before you ask, NO, i’m not being “made” to have the lower case i.  This is a choice.  This is my small act of service and gratitude that when i type “I”, i have to stop and think and remember my place.

i learned to type in a class in high school.  And i’m now in my 40’s.  So hitting the “SHIFT” key to type “I” is a natural habit of mine after all these years.  But when i embraced this DD lifestyle, i wanted things to be different.  i wanted change in my life.  And this was my small act that causes me to stop, think, and consider how small “I” am.  And how small i should be too!

Both in the world and in my home life, i am small.  i don’t want to be big.  i don’t want to rule anything, including my house or my family.  i am a Christian and we go to church (most) weeks. i believe God is the ultimate Father and then comes my husband.  But frankly, to neither of God nor my husband do i want to be “BIG” so why would i have a “BIG” letter “I” if i recognize that i am small.

In the bible, Jesus declares himself as the “Great I AM”.  WOW.  What a statement!  Absolutely none of us would think we were as big as that “I”, right?!  So if Jesus/ God are first, and my husband is second, aren’t i just a lower case i?!

Now don’t misunderstand me, i’m not oppressed or forced into this lifestyle.  i do this willingly, including putting the small i in my posts.  In fact, my husband asks my opinion on quite a lot of things.  Or maybe he doesn’t word it like “what’s your opinion on XYZ?” But he often says, “What do you think about XYZ?”  Or “What time will you be home?”.  Now sometimes i’d rather not even have THAT choice, but i understand he can’t possibly make EVERY-SINGLE-DECISION-EVER.

But i have no desire to be a “slave”.  i think there’s some profound differences between slave and sub.  While a slave is a sub, a sub is not necessarily a slave.  And i believe i am a sub but not a slave.  i may one day desire to be there.  In fact, there are facets about it that truly turn me on and maybe as a ‘fantasy role-play’ or a ‘date night activity’ we could try it out, but i’m not entirely sure how anyone can actually live as a slave 24/7.  That seems rather taxing on everyone!

So how do i exactly define the differences between the sub and the slave?  Here’s my official definition – with help from Mr. Webster too  🙂 –

And speaking of Webster –

here’s the official definition of  “Submissive”:

sub·mis·sive

səbˈmisiv/

adjective

adjective: submissive

  1. ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive

And here is the official definition of “Slave”:

slave

slāv/

noun

noun: slave; plural noun: slaves

  1. a person who is the legal property of another and is forced to obey them
    • a person who works very hard without proper remuneration or appreciation.
    • “by the time I was ten, I had become her slave, doing all the housework”
    • a person who is excessively dependent upon or controlled by something.
    • “the poorest people of the world are slaves to the banks”
    • a device, or part of one, directly controlled by another.
    • “a slave cassette deck”
    • an ant captured in its pupal state by an ant of another species, for which it becomes a worker.

So what’s the difference?

A submissive is “ready to conform” – WILLINGNESS

And a Slave is “forced to obey” – (perhaps…) UNWILLING.

While i am completely aware that “Slaves” in this day and age are WILLING and not forced, that’s not exactly my point here.  i think the point here is CHOICE.  And sometimes i have ‘choices’ that i want to make.  A slave doesn’t really have ANY choices.  Right?

Additionally a submissive (sometimes) get permission when they ask, a slave isn’t even allowed to ask.

That’s why i am submissive and not the Alpha or “upper case” i, but i am me.

So what does that mean?  Well, back to where i started…. The lower case letters are inferior or not as important as the capital ones.  But they still have a place and participate in the process.  And Upper Case Letters Start Words, Proper Names and Places, and Denote Significance.  (see what i did with the upper case letters there?!).

Oh – and let’s not forget how the lower case letters always FOLLOW the upper case.  So you might say that i am following I, which is obviously NOT ME.

Additionally, without a “period” at the end of the sentence followed with an upper case letter to start the next sentence, we might not completely be always aware where one sentence ends and the other begins.  So while i don’t really want to ‘stand alone’ and i want to ‘not know where (my husband) ends and i start’ , but frankly, i am not as important.  Right?

So if lower i is inferior to the capital I, then the capital I should be in charge and rule things.  And i believe that is David, and not “i”.  God (and David) can use the capital I, but i’ll chose to use the lower i.  And it’s a constant reminder as i type to NOT hit the shift key first.  🙂

What are your thoughts?  Agree or disagree …. feel free to give your opinions…please just disagree kindly too.

Hugs and Kisses ~

8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Hello ~

Fair warning – this is a longggg post.  But it is a 2-fer really.

First, i want to give you some of my backstory.  How did i get to this place?

Second, its a struggle.  This submission thing is both what i want, and not.  And, well, its a struggle. Yes, a struggle, after just a couple of days ago how i told you my Thoughts on Submission. Wanting to submit and actually doing it aren’t always one in the same.

SO – STORY #1 – MY BACKSTORY.

To date, i haven’t given you ‘that much’ information about ME and my husband.  But i want to now.

We’ve been married for 17 years.  We met at work.  We are both in the same profession.  He was my boss when i started working there.  (i suppose he was ‘in charge’ of me from the beginning!)  i worked there for 9-months when we started dating.  Our firm sent us out of town on a project for 3-weeks where we ate, drank, and …got merry!  (MERRY not MARRY…. not yet anyway.)

We dated for 5-years.  A longgg 5-years and i doubted whether he was going to marry me and i ended up giving him an ultimatum.  Obviously, he conceded and we were married shortly thereafter.

And from there, life got boring.  We changed jobs and no longer worked together.  We had a kid.  Only one.  And life was even more mundane.  We both thought, “This is ALL there is?” and we became your average American family with a 2-story house, picket fence, and a dog.

The “American Dream” … right?  What more could a girl want?!?

Well… looks can be deceiving.

At about our 10-year anniversary, neither of us was “all that happy” (and a bag of chips).  We were just going through the motions.  And something had to change or else we would either die young (boredom) or end up divorced.

That’s when we started talking about having a 3-some (with a woman).  And from there, we talked about becoming swingers.  And we did it ….all.  Yes, i consider myself bi-sexual now also.  But we don’t have any ‘regulars’ we see… not yet anyway.   (In another post, i’ll give you some salacious details!)

The more we explored, the more i wanted to do.  He was happy with a 3-some (of course he was, what man wouldn’t want 2-women?!).  But i found myself wanting to be controlled.   i wanted him to tell me what to do.

It basically started as a fantasy… and mostly just a sexual one.  i really thought i was a masochist for the longest time.  And when i “casually mentioned” this to my husband, he was like, “NO, I can NOT beat you!!  I was raised to respect women”  And i was like, “But i WANT you to.”  And while i think he just basically thought i was crazy… i REALLY think he thought that this was a “phase” that i was going through.  That the fantasy sounded good, but the reality wouldn’t be.

Fast forward a bit.  About 2-years ago, i found the website for really kinky people and i decided to register.  My profile says “I’m a married female, on here with consent from my husband.  I want a Dom and while he doesn’t feel that’s something he can do, he supports my endeavor to find one.”  And all that was true.  i talked to him first.  And he agreed to the site, the posting wording, and as long as he knew where i was and who i was with at all times when i met someone… then i had his blessings.  (Safety first.  That was his concern).

This is the point he started to take me seriously though too.  If i was willing to do all this, maybe i did want this from someone. And if he wasn’t willing or able to give it to me, i was willing to go get it. i never did find anyone that i was brave enough to actually meet …. stories of rape, abuse, and kidnapping scared me so much that i just couldn’t ACTUALLY bring myself to GO MEET “HIM” (or HER).

WELL – so how did we bridge this gap?

Our dog LOVES to bark.  We’ve tried everything to get her to stop.  And we finally bought her a shock collar that we shock her and she FINALLY stops.  It is run from a plug-in Rechargeable battery and you are now wondering, “HOW did we get to talking about the DOG and HOW does that get us to a DD relationship”  (Bear with me 1-more minute!)

The collar went ‘dead’ and needed to be recharged a little more than a week ago.  So i plugged it in and waited (bark, bark, bark going on the entire time i waited!). It was FINALLY time to put it back on her.

And when David got home from work, he said, “I see you put her collar back on.”   To which I replied, “YES, a collar is a good thing!”  and he said, “Is it now?” and i said, “YES! Absolutely!”  And at this point, i think he knew i wasn’t talking about the dog collar.

He went to the (home) office computer and started typing.  And i figured out he was doing something “secretive” so i didn’t bother him.  (Maybe he was finding us a hot babe for another hot 3-some!)

A couple of days later, we have a delivery.  He tells me to “Come here now!” and i do.  He has a collar for ME!  He put it on and i LOVED it!  i was surprised at it.  And he said, “WOW, I think I could’ve bought you a car and you wouldn’t be THIS happy!”  He also said, “You are MINE!  And I really see NO reason for you to take this collar off.  Do you?”  and I responded with, “No Sir!”.

i didn’t know for sure if this was the start of him REALLY being my Dom, but i prayed about it.  i was hoping!  i literally prayed, “Lord, let him be the head of our house.  Let him have his way and not mine.  Help him to lead us according to your will and to hear you clearly. Help me to submit to my husband”.

Finding Domestic Discipline (DD).    Up until this point, i didn’t even actually KNOW about DD.  i got SO turned on by the collar, i went to my ipad and typed into a Google search, “Submitting to my husband” and the first thing that came up was “Domestic Discipline.” I read a lot about it that night.

THAT was when i realized, i’m not reallyyyyy a masochist.  i’m a submissive wanting to submit to my husband, have consequences for NOT doing so, and well, have domestic discipline. Domestic discipline is about spanking. But not just that. Discipline can come in many forms. But that’s all really for another post!

i showed my husband what i found and asked him to research it too.

And the VERY NEXT DAY… he told me to buy a paddle and be ready to have it used.  i thought, “WOAH, we are REALLY doing this!!”

… and THAT my friends is “How I got here in the first place!”

Which brings me to Story #2 –

IT’S A STRUGGLE

Submission.  i want to do it.  i really do.  But i’m struggling.  Let me (try to) explain.

With ALL that backstory (that is absolutely true) up until this point, everything i reallyyyyy knew about Submission or Domination or Domestic Discipline or Masochism or BDSM (any other ‘or’s i’ve missed?!?) – was ALL IN MY HEAD. Meaning, i have read a lot, talked a lot, but not DONE a lot.

None of it was actually played out in real life.  If you count ‘talking to someone online or text’ as playing it out in real life, then yes, i suppose i’ve had at least a real life experience.  But other than THAT, nothing. So i don’t really know what it means to submit or be spanked or to say things like, “Yes Sir.”

And well, the internet is completely true…. and all those erotic stories i’ve read… those are all true too.  And that’s exactly how all this will play out in real-life too. RIGHT?!?!

So i’ve crafted this whole “IDEA” of how all this dominance/submission and spanking was supposed to go.  Frankly, it is so well crafted that it could be my own real-life-movie where i’m the star of the show and my husband says his lines and plays his part.  All i had to do was give him the script!

And that’s basically what i tried to do.  That’s why i’m “Topping from the Bottom”.  You know, where i tell you how to dominate me and you do what i say?!?!  THAT was what i envisioned. Oh it wasn’t intentional, but is the reality of the situation too.

WHAT I GOT was a TRUE SIR.   My husband, David, is coming into his own.  He took my ‘Advice and ideas’ for about a week.  And NOW, he’s told me to SUBMIT and let HIM dominate.  That i’m too bossy.  That i need to understand that submission doesn’t mean tell him what to do.  It is the other way around.  And whether it is according to my ‘script’ or not, he doesn’t care.

SO – NOW – I’m struggling.   You’d think i’d be happy.  RIGHT?  Well, i am actually.  BUT i’m not sure how to “DO” this submission thing.  It sure looked easy watching the porn, in my books, on the internet, but now … this is ‘real life’ … and it’s not really following the scripts that i laid out.

Sir is doing an amazing job.  i’m SO thrilled and impressed at his desire to lead.  (Today he told me he wouldn’t hesitate to turn me over his knee in public or in front of my sister, if the time comes where that it is needed).

i don’t suppose i’ll ever really know what made him buy me the collar.  i won’t know what ever convinced him that i truly do want this.  i won’t know how we got from ‘there’ to ‘here’.  BUT – i do know – i have to throw away the script and let him do what he was born to do – LEAD and DOMINATE.

Life shouldn’t be so scripted anyway – maybe that’s why we were just an “average American family” and yet – bored.  i don’t want to go back to that life.  i need to just relax and let him do what he’s meant to do – LEAD. But i have to learn how too.

And to remember all i REALLY have to do is – SUBMIT…. respect, obey, and did i say submit (??) … all in a way that is pleasing to HIM!

i’ll do better tomorrow, i promise….  Sir!

Hugs ~

Marie

7 – Transgression.. what’s in a word?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission, Uncategorized. No Comments on 7 – Transgression.. what’s in a word?

Webster defines “Transgression” as such……

rans·gres·sion

transˈɡreSHən,tranzˈɡreSHən/

noun

noun: transgression; plural noun: transgressions

– an act that goes against a law, rule, or code of conduct; an offense.

“I’ll be keeping an eye out for further transgressions”

synonyms:offense, crime, sin, wrong, wrongdoing, misdemeanor, impropriety, infraction, misdeed, lawbreaking;

How do “i” (as in: me, submissive, in a DD relationship, loving discipline life, loving Sir) define “Transgre

ssion”?  Well … the same actually.

Don’t tell anyone, but i rather like the part about “I’ll be keeping an eye out for further transgressions”.  Was Webster in a D/s or M/s or DD relationship too? Was that intentional or just coincidental that it seems to say there is a DOM and a SUB relationship to this “word” .

When i don’t do as i’m supposed to.. in other words, when i commit an act that goes against a rule AND code of conduct expected of me… it is a TRANSGRESSION.

Now here’s where the GREY (50 shades?!) comes in….. what if the “RULE” wasn’t clearly defined?  What if I didn’t even know it WAS a rule?  Does that still make it a “Transgression”?

Ignorance is Bliss (?) valid or an excuse?

Does that apply to situations when you “just didn’t know” or does this even apply at all … ever… to ANY part of our lives?  By show of hands, who actually believes this phrase is TRUE?

Or do you think that this is an excuse to NOT do as you KNOW you should?  Or maybe a loophole that you are looking for…..

“But Sir, i shouldn’t be punished… i didn’t know”.

What should your Sir say after that … “Okay, you are right” ??? OR “I don’t care, bend over”??

And if he agrees with

h you, is that making HIM SUBMIT TO YOU?  Or is the fact that you asked him and questioned his authority make YOU at fault – and yet – another Transgression?

See where i’m going with this?  The GRAY area…. and this could lead to the 50-shades on your ass kind of gray…..

MY TRANSGRESSIONS

i’m supposed to log my transgressions.  And maybe i’m justifying my actions here (hence the above section) BUT … sometimes i just don’t know if it was a Transgression or not.

So i’m going to call these “semi-Transgression” because maybe it is and maybe it’s not.  But i’m not sure this is my call to make, so i’ll let Sir read this and determine what he thinks is best.  Maybe this is the section that leads to further communications between us… to clarify what is or is not a Transgression… or more specifically what is a rule/ code of conduct expectation or not.

In any event… this week David is out of town.  So i’m having to log EVERYTHING since i last saw him until he’s home.  Here’s the listing so far…..

Clearly a Transgression

– Per my previous blog entry, Spoonful of Medicine…, i forgot to get the medicine from the pharmacy when specifically told.  i had to be reminded.

– Cursing.  i know this is not acceptable to David.  He’s NEVER liked my foul language.  And yet, i do it anyway.  Some of it is training myself and being aware of what comes out of my mouth before i say it.  Today, while taking our son to school, i said, “get your ass out of my

way” to the car in front of me.  Clearly unacceptable.

Gray Transgressions or Semi-Transgressions

Again, these are in the “would they be or would they not be” transgressions area,.. but i’m listing them anyway… just in case.

– Last evening, i asked Sir for permission to take a relaxing bath.  He said i could, but i had to finger myself and get myself “close to orgasm, but DO NOT do so”.  That is hard.  i’ve always been unable to stop myself, once i get that close.  i begin to desire the orgasm, begging it to come, and wanting to keep going.  And i always do.  Now i did NOT do that this time (yeah for me!).  So what makes this hit the list at all then?

———- well, because i REALLY wanted to cum.  i decided to text Sir, “Please may i PLEASEEEEE cum??” and he wrote back, “NO”.  i then pushed it further and said a couple minutes later, “i reallyyyyyy want to cum”.  And he wrote back, “don’t test me”.  🙁

———- BECAUSE i DID test him – i think this needs to go on the list.  But maybe its not a transgression because i didn’t cum?!  But it probably is because i didn’t take his order and strictly obey, i asked…. TWICE… for him to reconsider.  Questioning authority.

——-again, i’ll let Sir decide.

– Topping from the Bottom.  What do i mean?  Well, when i try to tell Sir how to Dominate me.  How i should submit to him.  i’m not sure ‘how much is too much’ and how much Sir might actually appreciate my commentary or creative ideas.  (i’m not too sure WHY i suggest creative ideas… for mostly they are more ways that i can F*** up and gain more punishment!  — Does that F*** count as a Curse word?! and yet ANOTHER official Transgression?!?  it might!  Yikes!).  Anyway, i’ve been doing this though because we are still new to all this and as i read more about it, read blogs of others, and find more ways to enhance our lifestyle, i want him to know too.  (But again, maybe i need to actually SUBMIT and let him DOMINATE as i know i want!)

i have NO doubt that my transgressions will result in some kind of punishment upon Sir’s return….  i will welcome that punishment as i know it is JUSTICE served.

–

So that’s it for “today’s listing”… i’ll stop before i commit further transgressions (like cursing… yet again!!) …. but it is only 7:46 a.m….. so there’s lots of day left!  i may be back here to report more in an “update” by tonight/ tomorrow.

Hugs and Kisses Today!

UPDATE: It has been a whopping 2-hours since i posted this.  And i have another transgression to report!  (And a Whopping i will receive i’m sure!)

– i was told to do a PDF for a submission of artwork for an advertising event.  PLUS send the CHECK to pay for it!  i did the artwork pdf.  i did NOT put the check in the mail.  🙁  i had to be reminded by the advertising agency, who put David in copy on the email.  He responded with a simple, “I will make sure she does it today”.  But that wording told me ALL i needed to know.  SOOOOO —- another transgression.

(i don’t like it when Sir goes out of town…. the build up of unsettled Transgressions is beginning to cause me some anxiety….  i can’t hardly imagine how BAD my butt is going to hurt when he’s done settling these up!).

UPDATE 2:   ONLY A FEW MORE HOURS LATER… wow.  This whole submission thing is wayyyyy harder than i thought it would.  i guess i have this ‘vision’ in my head of how it should go.  And as a result, the “Topping from the Bottom” is most definitely out of control and has now gone from “gray” to “definite” transgression.   i bought some “nipple (suction) cups” (think about Michael Phelps – Olympic Swimmer – his cupping only for nipples).  i got them in the mail yesterday … when Sir is out of town.. and i put them on.  They created nice, perky, alert nipples.  i told Sir about it and sent him a picture, which he very much loved.  i “told him” that he ought to require i cup the nipples ‘regularly… maybe even be required to wear them every meal’ so that when i’m naked next, they would be ready for his viewing pleasure.  He responded with “I like that idea”.  SOOOO THENNNNN i decided to take it upon myself and tell him “so are you going to make this a rule?  If so, i need to know when it starts and how often”.  He didn’t respond, although i know he read the text for read receipt.  After a few more hours, i asked if overstepped my bounds, and he did respond with “You are a little bossy on these ideas”  YIKES.  THAT’s what i figured he might say.  When i explained i only get excited with new ideas and want to share with him, but i need to be observant of the tone, he suggested i say, “You could say look at this cool idea…..”.  He’s right.  i’m wrong.

Wondering now if i’ll get to tomorrow before having to report yet another transgression.  🙁  (I think the tack bra may be put to a lottttttt of use soon!)

UPDATE 3:  FINAL one. Because Sir is almost home!  i will be seeing him in less than an hour.  (Thank God! i can’t handle the weight of these transgressions piling up so!)

So for this update – i have TWO thing i must report – 🙁

– i masturbated without permission.  i knew it was wrong, and i didn’t cum… but that’s because the weight of the transgression was weighing on me and became a buzz kill.  David was on an airplane and i was getting excited (and wet) for being able to see him, so i just though i’d relieve the pressure.  But i didn’t even get off.  And now i have to report it.  This was NOT worth it.

– David asked me to look into a recurring credit card charge to determine if it is something we want/ need to keep/ or should cancel.  i told him i would talk to our son, because i was sure it was one of his game charges.  And i forgot.  For 24-full-hours.  i only remembered when i did because i looked at email and saw it there.

FINAL WORDS:  i will gladly accept my punishment, because i know it is: 

a) deserved,

b) a consequence of my own actions,

c) born from love

d) will clear the slate and my conscience.

There’s always tomorrow ….. if i can sit…..

5 – Thoughts on Submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Corset Waist Training, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 5 – Thoughts on Submission

i sit here with nothing but a latex-black-tight-fitted corset on.  And nipple clamps.  And my collar.  But all that’s for another post altogether.  Today, I want to talk about WHAT DOES SUBMISSION MEAN TO ME.

SO – What is Submission?                                        

What EXACTLY is Submission?  And what does it mean to YOU?  You’ll have to tell me in the comments.  But i’ll tell you what it means to me now….

Well, i suppose i’d be amiss if i didn’t acknowledge that sitting around with a corset, nipple clamps, and a collar would definitely be submission.  But really, that’s what i DO, not what it is ABOUT.  i’m tantalizing and teasing you, aren’t i?

i talked before ‘why’ i submit, but now i’ll talk about WHAT it looks looks like for me to submit.

W*H*A*T submission means to me…. is that i give up.

i give up a lot. i give up a lot of control, of decision-making, of waffling back/forth, of trying to determine the **best** way to do something, weighing pros/ cons. i give David the ability to just decide and the only true decision i have to make is whether to follow his decision (and let him lead) or not. And i (generally) decide to follow, to give up, and to submit. i say generally because well, sometimes i don’t allow him to lead. i don’t agree and i don’t want to do it his way. Which often leads to trouble and to a sore butt, but that too, is my choice… i don’t have to allow him to spank me, but i chose to allow that too.

What else?

That sounds a bit anti-climatic… right? Well it kind of is! Because frankly, submission isn’t really that difficult! But as people, we make it into “difficult.” We complicate it. Why do we do that? I’m not really sure actually. Ha. You anticipated some more profound or in-depth statements, didn’t you?

i am going to offer this thought…. We are ALL submissive. Disagree? You say, “I’d NEVER submit or be a submissive.” Okay, well, maybe you are not as submissive as i am, but YES, we are ALL submissive. Let me demonstrate why i say this……..

Yes, i believe everyone is submissive. 

If you get in the car and drive to work, and get to a red light that is red.  What do you do?  Hopefully you stop.  Right?  You just submitted to authority.

If you have a big project due at work on Tuesday, and on Monday, you realize you need to work late to get it done.  What do you do?  Hopefully you stay late and get it done.  Right?  You just submitted to responsibility.

Tuesday you turn in the project and your boss says, “it is all wrong! Did you understand the project at all? Redo it now!”. What do you do? Well even “IF” you disagree with the boss’s words, hopefully you do NOT talk back, don’t argue, and decide to just redo it and get the work done to your bosses preferences. You just submitted to your boss.

i could go on, but my point is:  WE ARE ALL SUBMISSIVE!

And WHY do we do these things? WHY do we submit? Because every action has a reaction… or a consequence. Because compliant submission is better than the alternative of the negative consequences.

So admit it, i’m right!! (And maybe i just exerted my Dominant side by getting you to agree with me that YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE too.

See what i mean?  Everyone is submissive on some level.

But as we get older in life, the more decisions and the more control we assume. Frankly, we are expected to assume it. (Did anyone ever hear the word, “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP?”). When we are younger, our parents decided (pretty much) everything. But as we got older, so did our assumption of control and, well…..domination.

But if you ask me, “domination” is confusing. Why is that? Put simply, on the road home, we submit to authority (red lights) but when we get home we become the authority (running a household). Playing different roles in different scenarios is difficult and i find it confusing at best! Some of us are better at it than others for sure.

But i am one who is NOT better at it. i get stressed, anxiety ridden, and find ways to F*** things up!  And what does that lead to??

So let’s look at a scenario –  What DOES it lead to: 

(Honestly, in my marriage pre-DD and post DD – would be a very different answer…. so let’s review BOTH….)

Scenario: Husband does something that i don’t like, i disagree, we fight, and it just happens again and again…. Both the disagreement AND the fight.

Specific example. Our dog likes people food. She follows you into the kitchen in hopes that you’ll set the plate down for her to lick what’s left off the plate after dinner. David typically does this. And it irritates me greatly. WHY? Because it leads to more dog begging and her getting fat.

PRE-DD:

Me: WHY did you give that to her? Again?

Him:  Because.. it irritates you.  And I can.  (Insert maniacal laugh and sly smile).

Me:  (Roll eyes and gritted teeth and annoyed voice…) This is so unnecessary.  There’s no reason to do this!

Him:  Why do you nag so much?  Why can’t you just be happy?

Me:  I’d be happy if you wouldn’t feed the dog leftovers all the time and actually listen to me for a change!

Him:  Why should I listen to YOU?

(And we typically walk away from each other irritated until we both calm down, when we pretend nothing happened and move on … until it repeats tomorrow after dinner!)

WHAT HAS THIS ACCOMPLISHED?  …. NOTHING.  We fought about something and got NOWHERE.  WHY REPEAT THIS PROCESS NIGHT AFTER NIGHT?

What’s the alternative?…….POST-DD:

Now, after DD, this exact same scenario started to play out … again… at the end of dinner just last night (for real!).

But this time, my response was entirely different.  I decided to SUBMIT.  INTENTIONAL SUBMISSION.   I looked at my husband, opened my mouth, and then closed it.  He looked at me.  He smiled.  He laughed (a happy laugh).  And this was the convo:

Him:  You really wanted to say something, didn’t you?

Me:  Yes Sir

Him:  Why didn’t you?

Me: Because i chose submission.  And if you think the food is okay for the dog, then why should i argue?  There’s nothing good that can come from arguing with you.

Him:  Good girl! (And a genuine smile)

(And that’s it. Nothing more. No negativity, anger, or nagging! And instead, we replaced it all with smiles and happiness.

This is why i chose to be submissive on a higher-more-conscious level with my home life AND my outside-the-home life too. i intentionally decided to listen to and obey my husband. i decided that i wanted to submit on a higher level than just societal expectations. i wanted to be congruent. i wanted to honor David. i wanted to have less control over stupid things (like whether the dog gets leftovers) and i wanted to be a better wife!

THIS IS WHAT SUBMISSION IS TO ME.  What is it to you?

(more next time on things like my collar, why i use the lower case i, and maybe a spanking story too…. i suspect a strong spanking is going to be happening soon…. more next time!).

Hugs ~

Marie