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Location, Location, Location

Written by Marie on . Posted in DD, Deep Thoughts, Domestic Discipline, Dominance, Marriage, My Dominant Sir, my submissiveness, Submission, Submissive Wife. 2 Comments on Location, Location, Location

cuffed and submissive wife

So much of D/s, specifically TPE, is about an emotional response to an activity. A dominant wants control over a situation and a submissive’s actions, as well as their feelings about what is happening to them. Location plays a big part of this. Doing a scene in a child’s bedroom can bring about different emotional responses from different subs. Some may take on a child-like persona; some may just be distracted by how uncomfortable they are around a bunch of toys (Can you guess which one I’d be?). Clean freak subs could be completely thrown from the dirty floor they are kneeling on. If that’s the response that the Dom wants, then great. If not, then it could ruin the scene.

We do not have a set dungeon space in our house. As much as Sir wants to have one eventually in a new place, I’m not holding my breath. So, when we play, we are not always in the same area, or even the same floor. And, I have found, that the various locations around our home bring out a strata of emotions, no matter what we are doing. Whatever the emotion, however, Sir has control over the space and what he wants me to feel throughout our play.

Bedroom

Because, obvious. I couldn’t really talk about BDSM scene locations without mentioning the bedroom. It is my favorite place to play. Most often the only place we have sex (unless the kids are not home or passed out). I just feel the most comfortable there. I find myself more willing to do anything and try anything because of how comfortable and safe I feel. Our room brings out my submissive pet nature and often my most sexual side. I have my little bed on the floor that I can see during our scenes.

I am always pulled into my submissive headspace when I am in the bedroom. Even if he is at work and I am just going in there to get laundry. I feel a wave of comfort and safety. It’s a gooey slavey place for me.

Sitting Room (First floor)

I generalized this as the first floor as we usually start in the sitting room, but I often end up crawling the entire space. Most of our scenes are played by the couch and coffee table.

This is a very high protocol space for me. I am often leashed when we play and there is more of a focus on service. I serve Sir drinks, often on trays. Sir wants me to be on my toes so that I can respond to his whims. And I feel that. I am comfortable, but always aware. I am rarely blindfolded, but often gagged, so that I can see his reactions and signals and react wordlessly.

This is a surprisingly comfortable space for me. I feel safe the strictness of it all. It’s not completely routine, but I am used to not being allowed to cum when we play in the sitting room. I don’t expect it anymore. I can focus on cock worship and general service. If I do get to cum, Sir usually takes me upstairs to the bedroom first (see why I like the bedroom).

Bathroom

This is a much more confusing area for me. I find I am able to transition my feelings when I am in the bathroom when he is not there with me (which is good). But I am very apprehensive in the bathroom with him.

Last night I had to squat next to him while he peed. Then he had me ‘clean off’ his penis with my tongue. It was hot. But there is always a sense of wondering what he is going to do. Was that it? Was there more?

This space holds a lot of dichotomy. Showering together (though we rarely get the chance), is a very sensual and calming experience. But when he uses me as a urinal I feel humiliated. Both can be positive, given the right context, but it is a little unnerving to not know which I will leave the bathroom feeling when he follows me in.

Basement

I hate our basement. I’m not sure I can clarify that enough for you. I hate it. It’s dirty, full of boxes, and we have to take a baby monitor down with us as it’s so far away from the sleeping kids.

I also hate it because Sir’s sadistic side comes out in the basement. He can string me up down there. He makes me walk along ropes with knots hitting my clit while hitting me with a crop. It sounds hot. In fact, I’m not sure I would have such a negative response if he did the same thing in our bedroom. But in this case, it is very much the location that brings about a specific feeling. Unease and dread.

The basement is cold. I’m naked, often gagged, and with way too much time to look at all the dirt on the floor and places where I need to organize. There is something about the space that puts me in a submissive, but almost kidnapped headspace. And I’m sure that is where Sir wants me to be. I am my most vulnerable down there. I’m uncomfortable and I will do anything to get out of there. Including take as much pain as humanly possible. Thankfully, he doesn’t take me down there often as he knows what an emotional drain it is.

~

As much as I would love to have a dungeon play space in our next home, I enjoy moving around our house when we play. The variety of emotions is helpful to me, and I think also to Sir, to enjoy our TPE in new ways. So check out all the rooms in your home to find the fun (and frightening) you can have.

*This is a look at how I feel in different spaces during specific play. Your results WILL vary. Play safe.*

Sexing Me into Submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, My Dominant Sir, my submissiveness, Submission, Submissive Wife. 3 Comments on Sexing Me into Submission

submissive wife

As part of our rework this weekend, Sir and I talked about how we have been having some issues with communication. Sir doesn’t feel that I have been open enough about my struggles with submitting to him during the work day and when I am alone with the boys. I think that I fight the urge to burden him with my stress while he is at work. But, by not being open with my horniness, stress, and desire to submit, he feels directionless in dominating me. And I have been getting more and more bitter on nights when I go to bed horny and frustrated. With the stress of the children and, recently, this job search, it just doesn’t work. I just get upset and mad at him, and everyone else; my fuse is millimeters long. Not good for a mom with young children. Not to mentioned depressed, stressed, and sleep-deprived.

So, in his infinite wisdom, Sir has decided on a different approach. Rather than sex as a reward he is going to use chastity as punishment. I know that that sounds like the same thing, but it is actually very different. Before, my orgasms were a reward for extremely good behavior. These were often given at the end of a scene or play, after he had cum. So, if for whatever reason, our time was cut short (remember, young children) my orgasm would be forfeit. I found it hard to stay motivated and often found myself getting snippy and bratty because of this. I felt unappreciated and that my service, both domestic and sexual, was being ignored.

And I hated feeling like that. I really approach my submission with a ‘whatever he says goes’ and ‘suck it up, buttercup’ attitude. So why couldn’t I accept his decision about my orgasms? Truthfully, I don’t think I know how to completely deal with my raised sex drive. Basically, since I got pregnant with our second child and I started researching BDSM my horniness has really come out. I thought it may go down after I gave birth, but it didn’t. And now that I have my depression under control, I don’t have anything else to ‘blame’. BDSM has given me the ability and the platform to be the, apparently previously hidden, sexual person I really am. And as much as I love that realization, I’ve not actually had to time to process it’s ramifications completely. Even after we got married, I would go weeks without an orgasm and be fine. I survived my first pregnancy and recovery without issue. This moody response that triggers after hardly 48 hours has been as hard for me to deal with as it has been for Sir. It’s not acceptable, but I haven’t found anything to fix it. So instead, Sir and I need to adapt.

Now my orgasms are not wishful thinking. His are.

If I preform tasks, like Sunday’s cleaning, I get a massive orgasm; or possibly many. Even if I don’t impress him, my orgasm isn’t necessarily taken off the table. But it will be quick. No time will be taken; no after cuddles provided. More importantly, now, are his orgasms. If I succeed in my ordered endeavors, I will get the chance to give him an amazing orgasm. On Sunday, if I had not followed his direction, he said that he would just jerk off in a towel. At first I was startled that he would be ok masturbating rather than using my body. But then I realized how upset I was at the thought that my behavior would cause him to have to do that. Immediately I wanted to do everything I could to avoid him having to use a towel. My orgasm wasn’t important, I just didn’t want him to not be given the relaxing orgasm that he deserves; that my body could give him. Like it was some sort of horror. It didn’t used to be. I remember, before BDSM, I would go to sleep and he would be horny and just jerk off so he could fall asleep. It never really bothered me then. But I remember this feeling of panic when he told me as he put my gag on Sunday night.

I never would have thought that ‘switching’ the orgasm focus could be so effective. And so immediate. And so lasting. Sir didn’t have a great Monday and turned in soon after the boys went to bed. So I came downstairs to write and finish up a few work bits and bobs. I felt good. Not bitter, and certainly not moody at the idea that he needed some rest. I was calm. Calm and happy.

Sex leads to submission, submission leads to sex. I think this new approach will be a win/win for both of us. Because I will do whatever I can to keep him away from that towel and reaching for me instead.

306 – Spanked with a belt in 1923

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 306 – Spanked with a belt in 1923

SPOILER ALERT… if you watch 1923 the tv show, but haven’t seen the latest episode(s), you probably don’t want to read anything more.

^^ These two. In the Paramount TV “1923.” They have had TWO spanking scenes.

If you like Yellowstone and have now been watching 1923, you probably have seen the TWO scenes i am speaking of. And if you haven’t seen the show, maybe consider it.

i tried googling the show and these scenes, but didn’t come up with much…. So

here’s the summary…..

SCENE 1:

They are prostitutes. Hired by a really rich guy to keep him company, but instead of enjoying his spoils, he gets arrested just when they are in his bed and making out with each other.

Then the rich guy asks another rich guy to get the two out of his house, while rich guy #1 is incarcerated. Rich guy #2 goes to the house and meets these two, while they are half dressed and in the kitchen eating (the photo above.). He goes to pay them for their time, and Brown headed says, “That’s too much.”

And Rich Guy says, “who says we are done?”

That’s when Rich Guy tells brown headed girl to lay down across the counter top, and he pulls his belt off and hands it to Red Headed. He tells her to whip Brown Headed girl, and Red headed does it with reluctance.

After just a couple of swings of the belt, Brown Headed girl let’s out some rather loud yells of pain, to which Rich Guy makes it clear he wants to hear none of that and she needs to stop. And she does.

He gets somewhat irritated and takes back the belt, and swings it HARD to show Red Headed how to do it with power and purpose and authority. Then he hands the belt back to her and demands that Red Headed spanks Brown Headed with the same fervor as he did. And she does, but again reluctantly. Before long, Brown Headed is begging for it to stop and tears are falling.

SCENE 2:

A few episodes later … the girls are back. And Red Headed already has Brown Headed in tears by whipping her with intense swings of the belt against her bare ass.

Rich Guy stops her and says, (more or less… not the EXACT words though.. quoting this from memory)…. “You probably think I am enjoying seeing her be whipped. That’s not it. I enjoy seeing YOU…with that power and control and authority. Think about the POWER you have. Dwell on it. Enjoy it.”

After a brief pause, he continued, “Now. Go back and start again, and when you do, truly think about your AUTHORITY and POWER.”

Rich guy then watches as Red Headed truly starts to enjoy herself and whips the Brown Headed with a newfound zeal.

THAT is when he orders her to stop. He takes the belt from her, leans over to Brown Headed and says, “your turn.” He tells Red Headed to Assume The Position (my words, not his!) and demands she take what Brown Headed dishes out next.

Brown Headed delivers a rage filled spanking in short order, while yelling out sounds of anger and aggression but with no coherent words.

And the camera cuts to Rich Guy’s face, who is sitting in a nearby chair drinking a whiskey, and smiling big.

That brings me to us….

While watching the scene(s), Sir said, “Does that make you all juicy?”

And the truth of the matter is… it did. At least at first. When the Brown Headed went all crazy lunatic on the Red Headed, i cringed. But the rest of it… i loved.

There was a lot to unpack in those scenes though too. It was more than me getting wet. And David knew it too. And he asked me to elaborate.Here is all that i said…

So I have mixed feelings about those scenes.

I think it is sexy as all get out to have a woman submit. It does get me wet. It made me wet to see the (Brown headed) girl spanked — but also the other (Red Headed) girl was being submissive to do the spanking too.. just as she was told to do.

I think taking the spanking that is given (without a safe word) by the dominant is a sign of true submission. It makes me feel like my mind has conquered my body and endured…. And have accomplished something, achieved a goal… just as I was told to do. I ultimately gave up the power.

So to that, I can totally relate to the (Rich guy) man saying it’s about the power that’s a turn on. When the Brown Headed girl takes the spanking, she’s allowing the Red Headed girl (and him) to have the power … and Brown Headed accepts it.

But here’s where the mixed part comes in — because I’m not too sure either girl is WILLINGLY doing it, I think they are (in large part) being MADE to do it. That part I don’t like.

When I submit fully and willingly hand over all control to be spanked or put in chastity without the key —- turns into a “you are a good girl” moment and a “I’m proud of you” kind of thing. It’s when I want you to spank HARD and then praise me for being so good (and willing).

I did NOT like it at all when Brown Headed girl (original one to BE spanked who then got the belt handed to her) was allowed to have that much rage and complete aggression against her original spanker. But I think that was what Rich Guy wanted! I don’t think spankings should ever be about rage…. Then it’s just a beating. And THAT I didn’t like at all!

When it’s controlled power, and willing submission, it’s about acceptance of who has the authority and who does not. And giving up the control — fully — is what I crave. I want to get to the place where I don’t ever have or use safe words … because I totally and completely yield to your authority!

And like I said above — in some ways the scenes with the girls are a turn on because they are submitting fully (both of them!), but then it’s mixed for me as I think they are doing it from a forced position too. (But the second time – last night’s show – made me think that they willingly did it on some level as they came back for more, presumably on their own free will… and right?!)

How’s that for my thoughts Sir?

[by the way … I’m going to put my belt on tonight. You can decide when it comes off. I think I need to be reminded that it’s not mine to play with and this is after I laid in bed and rubbed myself to orgasm right beside you last night.]

ALL that was what i said to David.

David’s response was, “I think that was the guy’s ultimate goal and turn on. He knew he could elicit rage.”

And he added, “But they do have cute tits.” And i agree. They do. Lol.

Use the belt

David hasn’t used the belt on me but one time ever. It was quite a long time ago now too.

He didn’t feel much in control of it or where it landed. So he quickly came to prefer the paddle, and now lately seems to prefer the whip.

i think when he used the belt before, we were too new to this and it scared him about the (possible) unintentional damage he might cause. But now, we aren’t new. Now he might could rather enjoy using a belt.

Using a belt would be a good fix for a vacation spanking implement as it’s rather easy to pack! Of course, possibly not very quiet. But then again, much of the noise may be more about MY sounds rather than the belt sounds too. Maybe i could manage to be quiet and it wouldn’t be heard though too… like Brown Headed girl as she’s quite silent!

i kind of hope he does use it again sometime soon. i would rather like to feel how it’s similar or different than the paddle or the cane or the whip. But then again, maybe i wouldn’t….. let’s face it, they ALL hurt!

But it’s not about my pain but rather his power…. Just like Rich guy said. Or maybe not his power, but definitely his control. When i submit like that, i am absolutely giving up all control! Willingly.

Tonight

David is NOT spanking me.. easy or hard, with or without a belt. But i actually think i should be spanked.

i haven’t been very good lately. Of course, i think some of the reason i have not been spanked is that i had that ear infection and wasn’t feeling well. i am finally over that though too.

So after i nearly caused a fight with David yesterday, then rubbed myself to orgasm, all while NOT being spanked…. i decided at a minimum i needed to be reminded of that control and power and authority… and to submit to it…..

So that’s why i am voluntarily wearing my CB tonight. Just like i said in my message to David above.

He didn’t comment when i put it on. i don’t know if he didn’t comment as it was expected, it happened, and therefore, nothing noteworthy to discuss. Most likely that’s the case, but maybe not. i didn’t ask, as that seemed self serving and arrogant…. “What do you think? Why didn’t you comment?”…. Didn’t seem altogether appropriate.

A few things i know for sure

Is that i am not the one who will ever be holding the belt.

David will never spank me in rage.

Wearing my chastity belt is another sign of authority that is exercised over me.

i won’t be orgasming tonight.

i submit willingly.

i get juicy when watching spanking … and power exchange… scenes.

i wonder if the prostitutes will have a three-peat.

My Sir holds the power, and i like it that way.

And my life is good!

Hugs,

Marie

305 – Happy Fat Tuesday

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 305 – Happy Fat Tuesday

Today is Tuesday. i really hate Tuesdays.

To be specific though, this is a special Tuesday. Today is FAT TUESDAY. Of ALL Tuesdays, this may be the only one of the year i at least try to find joy. It’s a party day, or at least it’s supposed to be.

But i hate Tuesdays.

Most people hate Mondays … but not me. i hate Tuesdays. Because, as a boss, most of what causes the average person to hate Monday is dealt with by my staff and by Tuesday the reality of their Monday problems that they weren’t able to fix (the “big ones”) become my problem by Tuesday.

To make that even more amplified today, i should tell you that last week i was having problems with my right ear. It felt like i was underwater, which caused pressure and hearing loss. So on Friday, i went to the Doc who said no infection, no excessive ear wax… and well… no obvious reason for the problem.

So the Doc opted to put me on a steroid pack, where you take like 8-pills on Day 1, 6 pills on Day 2, and step down to nothing by the end of Day 5. He said, “maybe your body needs a bit of a boost and can knock out whatever this is on your own with a little help.” And while i agreed and today is now Day 4 of the pack, i cringed at the time it was suggested.

i HATE steroid packs. They make me super hungry (i always gain weight as a result), can’t sleep (i have had 4-5 hours sleep average these last few days), and irritable (not sure if it’s the sleep loss or the drugs or both).

All culminating on my least favorite day of the week. Tuesday.

Mardi Gras Fat Tuesday

David is originally from Louisiana and Mardi Gras is a huge big deal there. While most of the country takes extended Spring Break holidays from schools, the State of Louisiana chooses to celebrate Mardi Gras by (nearly) shutting down all school and work for the week and instead choosing to party.

While we don’t live in Louisiana, we live near it and with David in my house, we frequently have a small spirited celebration with a King Cake at a minimum. (Of course, it IS a Tuesday and we work, so we don’t celebrate as much as we would otherwise.)

Today through Thursday, David has to be out of town so i will be on my own which is probably good because i have had a downright cranky and snappy attitude with him. He knows it’s (mostly) the drugs talking, so he’s been more lenient than usual and just given me a few verbal warnings and “the look” rather than discipline.

i am honestly unsure if the grace he’s granted is good or bad though.

Good for the obvious reasons… he knows it’s not truly “the full Marie” talking.

Bad because… well…. With or without the drugs, being disrespectful is… disrespectful. Maybe a good spanking would keep me more in check, with or without steroids.

Even if i asked, i doubt David will spank me though because it is a party day! As well, i also think David thinks it’s not the right way for him to act when i am (effectively) sick. He probably also thinks a spanking would not fix the problem as i am not fully in control of myself, which he would most likely be correct there too.

The good news is, my ear problem seems to have dissipated, at least for now anyway. i won’t lie though, i am admittedly concerned whether this steroid pack (and my body) has knocked out the problem or just postponed it. Time will tell.

We partied last Thursday already

At the end of last Thursday after i wrote about my attitude problem then and as we were getting ready for bed, David looked at me and in a playful tone asked, “So.. you going to take that belt off or what?”

Very solemnly and with the most uneventful facial expression ever i said, “THAT is not up to me Sir.”

He broke into a sly smile and said, “Then take it off!”

He didn’t have to say anymore as i knew the next part was that he would play with me, to his preferences, and it would culminate in my very desirable and explosive orgasm.

It did. (Woo hoo!)

i was actually surprised though. As i wrote, i expected the attitude would have to change before the orgasm would flow. David said that was what his original intent was, but he decided to take a different path. One i was happy to walk down!

Maintenance works!

Friday did have a big maintenance spanking, as i also anticipated. He used the cane. He rarely uses the cane, so a few smacks with that and my ass was red and my butt was stinging fiercely. i was ready to beg for it to stop just at the point right when it did.

My butt was pretty tender for all of Friday, which was definitely enough to keep me in check all weekend for sure!

Maintenance spankings aren’t quite as intense as discipline spankings, but, they are still a stark reminder of who i am, the behavior that is expected, how i am to act, and that this submissive behavior is what i want too. And i really (really!) do!

While my weekend was uneventful really… as the ear problems disintegrated to nothing, the steroids worked in exact opposition, bringing me to this climatic day where i have an even more amplified “i hate Tuesdays” attitude.

Maybe before i head to work this morning and David to the airport, i should ask for a discipline spanking…. Or at least a maintenance one…. Or maybe i need to just “go to work already!”

Maybe i need to forget about this whole week’s bad attitude by allowing David’s grace to just sink in and be thankful instead.

Overall…..i feel squirrely and indecisive. Ugh! One thing i rarely am is indecisive. i regularly know what i want and how to get it, i just frequently lack confidence to go after it and end up over analyzing it. But right now, i feel truly indecisive. (It’s the drugs talking, right?!)

Extended belt time is needed

Too bad the rear opening to my belt has stillllll not arrived (that’s annoying me too!), as i could use with an extended stay in the belt while David is out of town this week. Anytime i have extended Belt time, it accentuates the lack of my control and in the short term is annoying but ultimately ends up with my acceptance and a calming feeling. And “calm” is definitely NOT where i am right now.

But for today.. it’s Tuesday.

Tuesday…. Go away already. Including a Fat one. Today.. i just don’t feel like celebrating anything .. fat or otherwise.

The only “fat” i am feeling is the physical kind. After eating too much this week from steroid overload, i am sure i have gained a few lbs and that just adds to the crankiness too!

With David out of town, we won’t be doing a cake or any other party, and i won’t lie, THAT brings me a bit of joy.

Drugs and stress and annoyance and displeasure and bad behavior and .. and … and…. All just go away … right along with Tuesday too.

Hugs,

Marie

304 – in need of an attitude adjustment

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 304 – in need of an attitude adjustment

i have been in a testy and on-edge mood all day.

This morning, after my shower and before i was able to get dressed, David says, “lay on the bed.”

So i did. On my back. And i spread my legs. To which he said, “how do you know that’s what I wanted? Maybe you are about to be spanked.”

i didn’t move. i just smiled and said, “i guess i don’t know. Did i assume incorrectly SIR?”

To which he came down between my legs and said, “Maybe.”

But then his tongue collided with my clit and i was suddenly reassured that i did NOT assume incorrectly! i suddenly felt alert and very much alive.

As his tongue moved, my body responded. i was wet and moaning in pleasure. i asked him to stick his fingers inside me and he did.

I started moving my hips and getting myself off on his fingers.

i eeked out various words, inc,using, “This feels so good Sir.” And “thank you Sir” and “please don’t stop Sir.”

And finally i felt my orgasm getting to the edge when i said, “i am about to orgasm.” (And about a minute’ish later is when i always ask permission to orgasm, but this is the “warning” that i am THAT close… and even when i do ask, frequently i don’t hold it in. But i have never been punished for orgasming when i get there like this.)

That’s when he IMMEDIATELY pulled his fingers out of my pussy hole, pulled his tongue away from my clit, and said, “No. NO, you are NOT going to orgasm.”

i just stared at him. In my mind i was thinking, “WTF?!” and aloud, i actually said nothing.

i was in utter shock. He has never stopped and never not allowed me to orgasm. But sometimes he does mess with me, so i thought that was likely the case.

He smiled, let out a bit of a chuckle and said, “go put the belt on. You won’t be orgasming this morning.”

i just stared at him more. And then i said, “you can’t be serious?”

That’s when he grabbed my ankles, pulled me to the edge of the bed, and said, “I’m very serious. Get up, go get the belt on, and bring me the key.”

And that was all it took….. i was officially in a bad mood. But i did as told. Under protest of course.

He laughed at me and said, “That’s not what you wanted to hear, was it?”

“No Sir.”

He laughed more and said, “well, it’s going to be all that you get. Get ready to have a good day!”

i got dressed slowly …… hoping he’d come in and change his mind. It didn’t happen.

By the time i was at work, i was in a cranky ass mood. About an hour later, i texted David asking when i would be able to take the belt off. And he responded with a question, “When will you stop being a pissy little baby?” (Aka: when was i going to stop pouting about it already?)

i didn’t respond for a good bit and finally said, “Good question Sir. i may need an attitude adjustment.”

i wasn’t sure if i wanted to be spanked, in the belt (or not), or just be left alone to get my shit together on my own. All i knew for sure was i definitely needed an attitude adjustment. Or an orgasm. Or both.

Needless to say… David has ignored the fact i am stillllllll in the belt and stilllllll have not orgasmed. He is probably waiting for me to change my attitude by myself, which has yet to happen but is slowly starting to creep in. But i suspect if i don’t get it together soon, i may be receiving a spanking after all…. Or be stuck in the belt until further notice…. Or both.

And i am still sitting in the belt now, No orgasm. No release of ANY kind. It is 8pm… more than 12-hours at this point.

i may well be sleeping in the belt. F-I-N-E.

And … tomorrow is Friday. Yet another opportunity for Maintenance. Probably going to happen this week for sure i think. And probably not an “easy” maintenance if i were to guess, especially after today’s attitude problems. Ugh.

Come to think of it… i may be in the belt for a long time still.… possibly much of the weekend. F-I-N-E!

Hugs,

Marie