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75 – handyman, i am NOT!

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 75 – handyman, i am NOT!

We have a reverse osmosis water filtration system (that’s a mouthful!) to filter our drinking water. The main tank and pump are housed under our kitchen sink island.

Every so often we have to replace the filters to keep the water flowing properly, otherwise the water pressure dwindles to (basically) nothing. We did that this past weekend but the water pressure did not immediately return the way it has in the past.

David told me to call the people who installed it and schedule them to come out.

(Mistake number 1 – right here – i should’ve JUST scheduled it. But i didn’t)

So i called yesterday. The tech lady asked a few questions and told me the “tank needs to be disconnected and emptied, then use a bicycle pump to put in 8-10 psi, reconnect it and should be good to go.”

i said, “oh that sounds a bit past my expertise”

(if only i’d have stopped there! And done as i was told and scheduled the tech to come fix it)

She tells me, “Oh it’s really not hard at all.” And in short time, convinces me too.

i hang up. i tell David. He said (and i do quote!), “you should just schedule them to come do this. I don’t think this is a good idea. Too much can go wrong.”

(And if i’d only stopped T-H-E-R-E!…. but oh no…. i didn’t!)

i told David how easy it was, what the tech had told me, i even googled it to see how “right” she was, watched a YouTube video. And David said, “well, if you want to…..”

Then he told me, “if it works, you can cum sooner than the 7-days! But if it doesn’t…..” (and he smirked)

(Challenge accepted. Game on. Finish line… here-i-CUM!!)

So i went to work, all in all, i thought i succeeded. With just one teensy little concern….. when i turned the water valve to the “on” position, it made a fizzing sound like when you open a bottle of soda for the first time. Neither the tech nor the video made any mention of this.

But now we simply had to wait 2-4 hours for the water tank to do its thing, fill up, etc. Nothing to do really except wait and see.

So because i started this at almost 7pm, i wouldn’t know if it worked until close to bedtime. And because of my edging assignment, (can’t cum until i know this has proven successful!), i went to the bedroom to do so.

And i stayed there afterward, readied for bed, read, turned out the light and went to sleep.

(This is one more opportunity to have possibly changed the outcome. If i had at least gone to check on it… the next part likely could’ve been avoided…. but no, i didn’t even do that much!)

This morning comes and i wake, as usual, 6am. i go straight to the kitchen to get coffee (zombie without it!). i don’t even turn the lights on, but the sun is coming up so it’s dark but not pitch black either.

And i stepped in water.

i flipped on the lights and there is about 1/2 – 1 inch of water covering the entire kitchen floor. (oh holy S@#%!!!!)

Well, David was in the front of the house and i walk in and say, “will you come help me please Sir?”

“With what?”

“The kitchen”

“I take it the tank-fix didn’t go well?”

“No Sir, most definitely not!”

And when he walked into the kitchen, in front of me, he said, “holy hell!”

And we went to work cleaning. He never yelled. He never even sounded mad. i think that was ONLY because we had to come together and get this cleaned up.

We saturated 8-towels, used 3-rolls of paper towels, and a shop vac. Now the water is off the floor – for what we can see. What we can’t see and don’t know is: 1) what is still under the wood floors that could cause warping or mold, 2) what is still under the island and could also cause mold.

When we were mostly done, he dressed and left to go play golf (previously planned). And gave me instructions on how to finish.

And just before he left he said, “next time, you’ll just schedule the handyman straight away, correct? You need to call and get it scheduled now too.”

“Yes Sir”

“Do you understand you screwed up?”

“Yes Sir”

“We will deal with this when I get home”

“Yes Sir”

So now, i sit here with the shop vac still going full force…..Trying to coerce the water to come out of the island as i type this out. i can only pray there are no ultimate lingering house-damaging problems from this!

While i accept the punishment that will ensue later today, i am dreading it too…. i know this spanking will be a serious punishment and pain. And it will likely cause me to cry. And i deserve it, and i will accept it. i likely will still feel it’s impact tomorrow on my rear side.

And now i have NO idea when cumming will be allowed either. i haven’t even mentioned that! There’s no point really! i won’t be surprised if the 7-days start over or are at least extended for some time to come.

There are so many places in this (unfortunately very true) story i could’ve changed this outcome. And i didn’t.

But here’s the positive…. because of DD, we are NOT fighting about this, we are working together on this, we are actually very much in sync on this, and we have a way to fix this and move on without resentment or ill will. When this frightful story does come to an end…. after the punishment today, the tech people come fix this properly, and we know there’s no lingering damage that remains…. it will be done. No future rehashing, throwing it up in my face, or fighting then about it either.

And for that, i am grateful.

(i will give you the last Memoir today…. or possibly tomorrow… i may not be allowed online the rest of today as another side of this punishment…. he knows i love to blog and taking it away today might be a punishment i have to accept)

Hugs,

Marie

73 – Memoir 2 – “No, I don’t want a divorce…. I want change”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Marriage, Submission. No Comments on 73 – Memoir 2 – “No, I don’t want a divorce…. I want change”

Change. It’s a simple word with a powerful punch. Why is change important? Or needed? And why do we fear it so much?

i did a simple google search on “change”, and one of the first things to pop up was this:

On an individual level, change is important because it is the precursor to all growth. We don’t grow by keeping things “safe” – by preserving the status quo (even though that may seem more comfortable). All personal growth comes from meeting the challenge of change. By dealing with life challenges we learn that we can.

So maybe these words above wasn’t what i knew about or thought about all those years ago…. but it was definitely what we needed!

And now… he wanted change. I couldn’t have agreed more!

Ahh buddy, yes indeed… we WILL be changing alright! If you don’t want a divorce, you will indeed be changing! There’s no doubt about that! And I will tell you now how that’s going to happen…..

All i knew for sure was my husband of 10- years, friend for 15 (we dated for 5 before marriage), and father to our only child, was indeed unfaithful. He had broken our marriage vows. He had broken my heart. And my whole life was about to change… whether i wanted it or not!

And that’s when we proceeded to have the biggest fight of our entire relationship! We yelled, cried, threatened to leave…. and yet…. still stayed. If either of us had really given up on “us”, we wouldn’t have fought. We would not have even cared enough to fight.

The opposite of love is NOT hate. It is apathy. When you don’t care, you have no feelings at all. And we clearly did. How much either of us ultimately cared or if it was enough to carry us through the process of what it would take to fix what was broken, i didn’t know.

That’s when I told him how it would be. I told him, “you will break it off with her…NOW. You’ll tell her you love me and only me. You’ll tell her you are committed to your wife and son. And from now on, you are NOT to delete any texts, any emails, and I will check the phone bill to confirm. And this is the way it has to be to rebuild the trust! Are you ready to break it off with her??”

Yes (ma’am). i put that word (ma’am) in parenthesis because while he did NOT say it out loud, i was absolutely in control that night and we both knew it…. at least in that moment anyway. (And did you also notice i put the I in caps?? I was in charge now. I was the one who was taking control!)

I dared him to call her and tell her RIGHT THEN. I wanted to hear it!

And he did.

After just a minute of talking to her, he put her on speaker and said, “Marie, she wants to talk to you” (WTF….. no F’ing way do I want to talkkkkkk to her!)

She said, “I’m sorry. Can I come over and we talk through this?”

Me: Seriously? You want to talk? In MY house? You tried to ruin my life, while betraying our friendship by sleeping with MY husband for a YEAR! And now you are “sorry”? We are never speaking again! I want you GONE!

Her: Please, just hear me out.

Me: fine.

Ding dong. The doorbell rang.

She was at our house! He had apparently told her before he even got home that i knew, it was over, and she had notions of “wanting to make it right”. She had driven to our house and was sitting in the car working up the courage to knock on the door when David called her.

I answered the door. She asked to come in. I was SO pissed that I was like, “FINE! SURE! Come on into MY house tonight since you’ve been lurking in the shadows for a year! At least now I know you are being honest and in the light!” (At this point it was almost 9pm and getting quite dark… and we had NO lights on in the house! So the pun of the light was quite literal at that moment. But no one was laughing though either).

She came in and I looked at David, shaking my finger at him and barked orders to him, “she came to talk to ME. Not you! Don’t say a word!”

She sat down and we yelled, cried, fought.. and wore ourselves out. David did talk, but only in the strategic places he felt he could.

And after we were exhausted and (mostly) out of words, she reached her hand out to mine (we were on opposite sides of one of the couches, while David had been ostracized to his own couch)…. she touched my fingers, she covered the back of my palm, she squeezed and said, “I’d like to make this up to you …..in the shower….. together.”

And she grabbed my hand, pulled upward, and stood up. And said, “let’s go get naked together. David has seen me naked. He’s seen you naked. But we’ve never seen each other naked. Let’s make him watch us have sex together.”

I was so numb and wanting someone to love ME that this sounded stupid, crazy, and completely insane…. and yet, exactly what I needed too!

So I did it.

She went down on me in the shower.

And I felt like David was right… he and I were NOT sexually incompatible… and maybe all those pent up, “bad girl” ideas I had were just “bad ideas”.

While I was trying to find the answer to rid ourselves of this contagion “virus” from my home, I had opened and invited it further inside. Literally, inside ME. And it felt GOOD!

That’s when it morphed into more….we all 3-had sex…. together… in OUR bed… the virus had fully infected everything!!!

And we put all our sexual parts everywhere ….but …. when he put his cock inside her, I saw. I saw how she wasn’t “just” a girl he fucked… it was someone he was passionate with. And I was the 3rd wheel. And I freaked out!

I almost threw up. Literally. The virus made me sick! And I threw on the first thing I saw (one of David’s long t shirts) and ran out of the house. No shoes, no pants, no keys, no phone, and nowhere to go…. and I ran… yes, RAN. On bare feet, I wanted to feel the pain of the road against my feet. I wanted my body to be torn up on the outside to match how I felt on the inside. And I wanted to get AWAY. Not just away from the house, but my life, him, her and well…ME.

What was I thinking allowing her in our house? What did I really expect to see after they’d been fucking each other, behind my back, for an entire year? But they weren’t “fucking”… they were making “love”!!

I ran. With no awareness of how far or fast…. I was so lost in my head I wasn’t sure I wanted to come out of it either. It was midnight. And I ended up at the neighborhood park. On a swing. (Oh The irony… swinging in the bed and now swinging alone at the park!)

I dared him to come get me. I knew if he didn’t, I was filing for divorce the next day. And yet, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to come or not! I prayed “God let YOUR will be done!”

And he did. God’s will was done. And that was for David to come. He cane and got me. He’s always wanted ME!

He just wanted more now too. He wanted change.

And then we cried in each other’s arms in the park. He tried to get me to go back to the house and I said “not until she’s gone. I can’t have her there anymore. We have to find a new way forward, and it can’t be with her”

He said, “she’s already gone.”

And that’s when we started to talk …. over MANY months and really YEARS forward…. what we wanted this new “change” to look like……

So coming back full circle on this post…. all growth starts with change. You can’t expect anything to improve if you aren’t willing to change. You have to go all-in, you have to embrace change, you have to want to change…….

I’ll tell you more in Memoir 3 …. about how we’ve morphed from that night to where we are now.

And now I’m off of here … to EDGE. AGAIN! I’M SO FRUSTRATED. I NEED RELEASE! I’M NOT GOING TO LAST 7-DAYS! 😩

Hugs,

Marie

16 – Submit even when you aren’t “Feeling it”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 16 – Submit even when you aren’t “Feeling it”

i don’t know WHY i was having a “bad day”…. But i was.  Yesterday, i wasn’t “feeling it”.  i wasn’t feeling work, cooking, eating, nothing.  i just kinda wanted to be alone in my alone world.  In fact, i was feeling quite selfish overall.  i didn’t really recognize it for what it was until Sir pointed it out to me.

He said, “You are having a lot of trouble with this Submission thing today!”  And my first thought was, “No I’m not!”.  (Notice the capital “I”?? Read this post about that: https://wordpress.com/post/lovingdisciplinelife.com/69).

While i didn’t say it, it was true.  And i didn’t even realize it at the time either.

But he would be right.

So let me back up to the morning….. rewind…..  yesterday morning….

i was horny.  He knew it.  And he had to leave before me.  So he told me to masturbate.  But because we are doing Orgasm control too (see this post for more on that: https://wordpress.com/post/lovingdisciplinelife.com/95), he told me i had to “Masturbate to the edge, but DO NOT CUM, 4 x’s on repeat and THEN ask permission to cum.”

So that’s exactly what i did.  And he said i could.  And i was SO thankful.  i wouldn’t have been happy at all if he’d said no.  But alas, he didn’t, so i did.  And boy was it sooooo nice!

But THEN, he texted about 2-minutes later and said, “But now you have to wear the tack bra for having masturbated 2-days ago without permission.”  (Which i had and he busted me on!).

i begged, “NO please, Sir.  i really need to focus at work today and i don’t want to have to wear that.  Can i just wear it from the time i get home?!” And he did (Thankfully) relent.

And nothing else was said about it.  And my work day was stressful.  i came home tired and feeling so tired.  And since NOTHING else had been said about it, when i got home,  i didn’t put on the tack bra.

Then an hour later, i got in my favorite PJ’s (NOT his favorite – pants, top, made of cotton, super soft, but super “mom” and not at all “sexy”).  And didn’t say a word, just climbed into bed to play on my ipad a bit.

THAT was when he came in and told me i was struggling to be submissive.  i think he knew i didn’t have the tack bra on.  But he more-or-less let it go.  And i was happy.

Then today came….

And i felt guilty.  i felt very un-submissive in my behavior yesterday.  So without being told or asked, i just put on the tack bra anyway.

Now you have to understand, this was **THE** first time i’d actually been told to wear it since it was made.  But he told me, “If you make it, you better be prepared to wear it!” – and i wasn’t!

At least last night.  But today, i was determined to be a better submissive wife.

OUCH!

Okay, so putting it on wasn’t a big deal – not as much as i’d imagined anyway.  My imagination had gone crazy thinking how awful this would be.  So i went about getting ready for work.

And Sir texted me.  And here’s how the texting went:

Sir: “You should cum”.

Me: well, i had to clarify, “Is that a suggestion or a requirement?”

Sir:  one word, “Requirement”.

Me: “i’m not exactly feeling horny.  Do i have to?”

Sir:  “You need to start realizing that it doesn’t matter if you ‘feel’ it or not.  Now DO IT!”

Me:  “Yes Sir”.

Sir:  “Send me a picture”.

And the picture had the tack bra showing in it too.

Sir then texts:  “You put it on?  Without me telling you?”

Me: “Technically speaking, you DID tell me to put it on and i felt particularly unsubmissive in my actions and behaviors yesterday, and needed to make amends.”

Sir:  “Good girl!”

Me:  But oh-my-gosh – after moving around to masturbate and cum – when i wasn’t even horny and had to get myself to that point without ‘feeling it’ was PAINFUL with a tack bra on!  Holy H-E-Double Hocky sticks!

Me to Sir:  “Sir, i know you told me to wear this.  And technically, i have.  But it is SERIOUSLY hurting already and i haven’t left the house.  Can i have permission to NOT wear it to work, please?”

Sir:  “Because you recognize your own need for discipline and because you realize you did not follow orders without having to make me administer discipline, I will allow you to not wear it to work.  This time.  But get your attitude in check, and remember YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE AT ALL ANYMORE! or next time you WILL wear it out of the house until i tell you otherwise!”

Me:  “OH THANK YOU SIR!”

SO – Sir is seriously taking on the Dom role nicely.  i am having to learn that i am really NOT in control anymore.  i have to remember that even when i don’t ‘feel like it”, Sir just might be.  And i am not capital, but lower case.

And i love it!  i wouldn’t have it any other way.

Next time though – my breasts may take a beating, right along with my ass too.  Let’s hope i’ve learned my lesson and don’t “FEEL” particularly unsubmissive anytime too soon!
Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Hello ~

Fair warning – this is a longggg post.  But it is a 2-fer really.

First, i want to give you some of my backstory.  How did i get to this place?

Second, its a struggle.  This submission thing is both what i want, and not.  And, well, its a struggle. Yes, a struggle, after just a couple of days ago how i told you my Thoughts on Submission. Wanting to submit and actually doing it aren’t always one in the same.

SO – STORY #1 – MY BACKSTORY.

To date, i haven’t given you ‘that much’ information about ME and my husband.  But i want to now.

We’ve been married for 17 years.  We met at work.  We are both in the same profession.  He was my boss when i started working there.  (i suppose he was ‘in charge’ of me from the beginning!)  i worked there for 9-months when we started dating.  Our firm sent us out of town on a project for 3-weeks where we ate, drank, and …got merry!  (MERRY not MARRY…. not yet anyway.)

We dated for 5-years.  A longgg 5-years and i doubted whether he was going to marry me and i ended up giving him an ultimatum.  Obviously, he conceded and we were married shortly thereafter.

And from there, life got boring.  We changed jobs and no longer worked together.  We had a kid.  Only one.  And life was even more mundane.  We both thought, “This is ALL there is?” and we became your average American family with a 2-story house, picket fence, and a dog.

The “American Dream” … right?  What more could a girl want?!?

Well… looks can be deceiving.

At about our 10-year anniversary, neither of us was “all that happy” (and a bag of chips).  We were just going through the motions.  And something had to change or else we would either die young (boredom) or end up divorced.

That’s when we started talking about having a 3-some (with a woman).  And from there, we talked about becoming swingers.  And we did it ….all.  Yes, i consider myself bi-sexual now also.  But we don’t have any ‘regulars’ we see… not yet anyway.   (In another post, i’ll give you some salacious details!)

The more we explored, the more i wanted to do.  He was happy with a 3-some (of course he was, what man wouldn’t want 2-women?!).  But i found myself wanting to be controlled.   i wanted him to tell me what to do.

It basically started as a fantasy… and mostly just a sexual one.  i really thought i was a masochist for the longest time.  And when i “casually mentioned” this to my husband, he was like, “NO, I can NOT beat you!!  I was raised to respect women”  And i was like, “But i WANT you to.”  And while i think he just basically thought i was crazy… i REALLY think he thought that this was a “phase” that i was going through.  That the fantasy sounded good, but the reality wouldn’t be.

Fast forward a bit.  About 2-years ago, i found the website for really kinky people and i decided to register.  My profile says “I’m a married female, on here with consent from my husband.  I want a Dom and while he doesn’t feel that’s something he can do, he supports my endeavor to find one.”  And all that was true.  i talked to him first.  And he agreed to the site, the posting wording, and as long as he knew where i was and who i was with at all times when i met someone… then i had his blessings.  (Safety first.  That was his concern).

This is the point he started to take me seriously though too.  If i was willing to do all this, maybe i did want this from someone. And if he wasn’t willing or able to give it to me, i was willing to go get it. i never did find anyone that i was brave enough to actually meet …. stories of rape, abuse, and kidnapping scared me so much that i just couldn’t ACTUALLY bring myself to GO MEET “HIM” (or HER).

WELL – so how did we bridge this gap?

Our dog LOVES to bark.  We’ve tried everything to get her to stop.  And we finally bought her a shock collar that we shock her and she FINALLY stops.  It is run from a plug-in Rechargeable battery and you are now wondering, “HOW did we get to talking about the DOG and HOW does that get us to a DD relationship”  (Bear with me 1-more minute!)

The collar went ‘dead’ and needed to be recharged a little more than a week ago.  So i plugged it in and waited (bark, bark, bark going on the entire time i waited!). It was FINALLY time to put it back on her.

And when David got home from work, he said, “I see you put her collar back on.”   To which I replied, “YES, a collar is a good thing!”  and he said, “Is it now?” and i said, “YES! Absolutely!”  And at this point, i think he knew i wasn’t talking about the dog collar.

He went to the (home) office computer and started typing.  And i figured out he was doing something “secretive” so i didn’t bother him.  (Maybe he was finding us a hot babe for another hot 3-some!)

A couple of days later, we have a delivery.  He tells me to “Come here now!” and i do.  He has a collar for ME!  He put it on and i LOVED it!  i was surprised at it.  And he said, “WOW, I think I could’ve bought you a car and you wouldn’t be THIS happy!”  He also said, “You are MINE!  And I really see NO reason for you to take this collar off.  Do you?”  and I responded with, “No Sir!”.

i didn’t know for sure if this was the start of him REALLY being my Dom, but i prayed about it.  i was hoping!  i literally prayed, “Lord, let him be the head of our house.  Let him have his way and not mine.  Help him to lead us according to your will and to hear you clearly. Help me to submit to my husband”.

Finding Domestic Discipline (DD).    Up until this point, i didn’t even actually KNOW about DD.  i got SO turned on by the collar, i went to my ipad and typed into a Google search, “Submitting to my husband” and the first thing that came up was “Domestic Discipline.” I read a lot about it that night.

THAT was when i realized, i’m not reallyyyyy a masochist.  i’m a submissive wanting to submit to my husband, have consequences for NOT doing so, and well, have domestic discipline. Domestic discipline is about spanking. But not just that. Discipline can come in many forms. But that’s all really for another post!

i showed my husband what i found and asked him to research it too.

And the VERY NEXT DAY… he told me to buy a paddle and be ready to have it used.  i thought, “WOAH, we are REALLY doing this!!”

… and THAT my friends is “How I got here in the first place!”

Which brings me to Story #2 –

IT’S A STRUGGLE

Submission.  i want to do it.  i really do.  But i’m struggling.  Let me (try to) explain.

With ALL that backstory (that is absolutely true) up until this point, everything i reallyyyyy knew about Submission or Domination or Domestic Discipline or Masochism or BDSM (any other ‘or’s i’ve missed?!?) – was ALL IN MY HEAD. Meaning, i have read a lot, talked a lot, but not DONE a lot.

None of it was actually played out in real life.  If you count ‘talking to someone online or text’ as playing it out in real life, then yes, i suppose i’ve had at least a real life experience.  But other than THAT, nothing. So i don’t really know what it means to submit or be spanked or to say things like, “Yes Sir.”

And well, the internet is completely true…. and all those erotic stories i’ve read… those are all true too.  And that’s exactly how all this will play out in real-life too. RIGHT?!?!

So i’ve crafted this whole “IDEA” of how all this dominance/submission and spanking was supposed to go.  Frankly, it is so well crafted that it could be my own real-life-movie where i’m the star of the show and my husband says his lines and plays his part.  All i had to do was give him the script!

And that’s basically what i tried to do.  That’s why i’m “Topping from the Bottom”.  You know, where i tell you how to dominate me and you do what i say?!?!  THAT was what i envisioned. Oh it wasn’t intentional, but is the reality of the situation too.

WHAT I GOT was a TRUE SIR.   My husband, David, is coming into his own.  He took my ‘Advice and ideas’ for about a week.  And NOW, he’s told me to SUBMIT and let HIM dominate.  That i’m too bossy.  That i need to understand that submission doesn’t mean tell him what to do.  It is the other way around.  And whether it is according to my ‘script’ or not, he doesn’t care.

SO – NOW – I’m struggling.   You’d think i’d be happy.  RIGHT?  Well, i am actually.  BUT i’m not sure how to “DO” this submission thing.  It sure looked easy watching the porn, in my books, on the internet, but now … this is ‘real life’ … and it’s not really following the scripts that i laid out.

Sir is doing an amazing job.  i’m SO thrilled and impressed at his desire to lead.  (Today he told me he wouldn’t hesitate to turn me over his knee in public or in front of my sister, if the time comes where that it is needed).

i don’t suppose i’ll ever really know what made him buy me the collar.  i won’t know what ever convinced him that i truly do want this.  i won’t know how we got from ‘there’ to ‘here’.  BUT – i do know – i have to throw away the script and let him do what he was born to do – LEAD and DOMINATE.

Life shouldn’t be so scripted anyway – maybe that’s why we were just an “average American family” and yet – bored.  i don’t want to go back to that life.  i need to just relax and let him do what he’s meant to do – LEAD. But i have to learn how too.

And to remember all i REALLY have to do is – SUBMIT…. respect, obey, and did i say submit (??) … all in a way that is pleasing to HIM!

i’ll do better tomorrow, i promise….  Sir!

Hugs ~

Marie