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Tag: no anger

135 – Maintenance Fridays

i have attempted to explain Maintenance Friday (MF – okay, completely coincidental with those words!) sessions in the past. To no real avail. i don’t know if i can adequately explain it any better now than i did before, but i’m going to try.

By agreement, we decided to have a MF spanking session every week. Every Friday morning.

Yes, i submit my bottom to be spanked every week. Even when i have done nothing wrong. In fact, MF sessions are not typically about anything done wrong. It is “just because.” It is scheduled for every Friday morning. That schedule doesn’t change. It’s been set for about a year now for that day and time every week.

Seriously, most maintenance Friday sessions are NOT real “MF’ers” as far as spankings go. In fact, most are not too bad at all. David varies the length and intensity. And frankly speaking, it is a practice session, not the real thing. It’s practicing to make perfect. And like anything, the practice session is similar but typically not quite as intense either.

Sometimes though, even i find myself thinking about the “why” do we do MF’s too, especially now, 2-years into practicing Domestic Discipline (DD).

First i should tell you when we started MF, it was because i asked for it. When we first started doing DD, David was tentative. He was nervous and i think he wondered if i was setting him up for failure. Here i was saying, “discipline me.” And i suspect he was like, “what’s the catch?”

So i asked to have MF to be able to show him that i was serious about wanting for him discipline me through spankings, allow him the ability to learn how to do it really without being a pressure (correction) session, and for me to have a chance to show him i would indeed submit.

That’s why we first did them, but why now? Why continue? Well, i would say the ultimate reason now is reinforcement.

To reinforce the good things we want to happen. And decrease the things we don’t.

And yes, i do truly mean “we”, as in, both of David and i. We work together to make our marriage better and we agree that this DD dynamic is really good for us! And we both want, and i dare say “need,” it too! Our marriage is stronger as a result of MF. Our communication, teamwork, and common goal (to make our marriage stronger) is at the forefront. Okay, yes, i know these things can be achieved in other ways too, but THIS way works for us.

Okay, so those are some great outcomes, but W-H-Y would i do that…..Submit to being spanked for no reason?

AND,

W-H-Y would David spank me for nothing done wrong?

Well…. if for no other reason…. practice makes perfect.

Practice WHAT exactly?

Well…. several things actually…..

1) Spanking. Yes. Practicing the actual act of it makes it become perfect. David knows exactly how much i can tolerate, how much makes me cry, how much turns my butt red, and how much is too much….. or not enough. He knows how hard to swing. He knows which instruments cause what results.

And it works for me in the opposite way too. i have learned to receive a spanking the way David wants to deliver it. i know what causes me to wince, to cry, and how it feels. So with fresh reminders from weekly MF spankings, i will (hopefully) want to do what is needed to avoid any further punishments during the week also.

2) Dominance. David can chose to spank OR not on MF’s. And sometimes he chooses not to. Because we both know, it is ultimately his decision and HIS choice, and sometimes he decides not to!

So yes, we do skip MF’s sometimes too. But that decision is ultimately up to him and only him. Which is a reminder to me that i am to submit at all times and be ready too if he decides that it is necessary. These MF sessions serve as a reminder to me that he has been granted power and authority by God, and because i chose to submit to both God and my husband, so if he wishes to spank my bottom, i allow it.

It creates and reinforces confidence in David. That he is indeed in charge, and i will follow his lead in our marriage and our house.

3) submission. It reinforces in me that feeling of not being in charge and ultimately not being in control. i chose to submit. It is an active decision to allow my bottom to hurt for a few minutes in order to submit my mind AND my body to my husband, which reinforces his dominance too (see #2 above).

Plus, intentionally getting naked, bending over, and holding still to receive a spanking is a practice in humility. Submission of the mind AND mind. By doing this weekly, it reinforces that the humility is appropriate and nothing to be ashamed of. It allows me to be fully exposed to my husband’s leadership and control in body and spirit.

4) last but not least…….ultimately…… practice does make perfect.

Think about every activity you’ve ever participated in. The actual event is but a moment in time, but the practice leading up to it seemed never ending and perpetual. Whether it be a sporting event, a theater play, a school exam, or a presentation at work. All of these things have one thing in common: practice.

Repetition. Over and over.

Until it’s perfected.

And when the ultimate “go time!” happens, you say a prayer and hope it goes off without a hitch…. just the way you practiced.

In a marriage though, there’s not really a “performance” day. There’s never the final exam. So you go about life and marriage actually hoping in this case that there is NOT a time that all this practicing is needed. Because that means something had actually gone wrong and an actual punishment is needed. A sign of trouble.

How do you react or respond at that sign of trouble?

Most of the time i act and respond just the way we practiced it…. with submission to my husband’s authority. But sometimes i don’t. And he doesn’t either.

That’s when the MF sessions come in handy. We have a plan in place of how to deal with trouble. And then we just enact it. So when things go awry, now we know how to fix it.

We both have practice knowing what a spanking will look, act, and feel like. David also knows what it will take to correct the ill-behavior and bad actions too. So he knows the “real” spanking needs to be more harsh than the MF ones, and frankly, so do i!

So yes, we practice (almost) every Friday. We have spanking sessions, “just because” so that we have practice making it perfect. “It” being the dominance, submission, DD, and yes, the spanking itself!

i don’t know if i explained the “why” very well or not, but don’t knock it til you try it. You might just find that practice does make your submission (or dominance) perfect too!

Hugs,

Marie

5 – Thoughts on Submission

i sit here with nothing but a latex-black-tight-fitted corset on.  And nipple clamps.  And my collar.  But all that’s for another post altogether.  Today, I want to talk about WHAT DOES SUBMISSION MEAN TO ME.

SO – What is Submission?                                        

What EXACTLY is Submission?  And what does it mean to YOU?  You’ll have to tell me in the comments.  But i’ll tell you what it means to me now….

Well, i suppose i’d be amiss if i didn’t acknowledge that sitting around with a corset, nipple clamps, and a collar would definitely be submission.  But really, that’s what i DO, not what it is ABOUT.  i’m tantalizing and teasing you, aren’t i?

i talked before ‘why’ i submit, but now i’ll talk about WHAT it looks looks like for me to submit.

W*H*A*T submission means to me…. is that i give up.

i give up a lot. i give up a lot of control, of decision-making, of waffling back/forth, of trying to determine the **best** way to do something, weighing pros/ cons. i give David the ability to just decide and the only true decision i have to make is whether to follow his decision (and let him lead) or not. And i (generally) decide to follow, to give up, and to submit. i say generally because well, sometimes i don’t allow him to lead. i don’t agree and i don’t want to do it his way. Which often leads to trouble and to a sore butt, but that too, is my choice… i don’t have to allow him to spank me, but i chose to allow that too.

What else?

That sounds a bit anti-climatic… right? Well it kind of is! Because frankly, submission isn’t really that difficult! But as people, we make it into “difficult.” We complicate it. Why do we do that? I’m not really sure actually. Ha. You anticipated some more profound or in-depth statements, didn’t you?

i am going to offer this thought…. We are ALL submissive. Disagree? You say, “I’d NEVER submit or be a submissive.” Okay, well, maybe you are not as submissive as i am, but YES, we are ALL submissive. Let me demonstrate why i say this……..

Yes, i believe everyone is submissive. 

If you get in the car and drive to work, and get to a red light that is red.  What do you do?  Hopefully you stop.  Right?  You just submitted to authority.

If you have a big project due at work on Tuesday, and on Monday, you realize you need to work late to get it done.  What do you do?  Hopefully you stay late and get it done.  Right?  You just submitted to responsibility.

Tuesday you turn in the project and your boss says, “it is all wrong! Did you understand the project at all? Redo it now!”. What do you do? Well even “IF” you disagree with the boss’s words, hopefully you do NOT talk back, don’t argue, and decide to just redo it and get the work done to your bosses preferences. You just submitted to your boss.

i could go on, but my point is:  WE ARE ALL SUBMISSIVE!

And WHY do we do these things? WHY do we submit? Because every action has a reaction… or a consequence. Because compliant submission is better than the alternative of the negative consequences.

So admit it, i’m right!! (And maybe i just exerted my Dominant side by getting you to agree with me that YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE too.

See what i mean?  Everyone is submissive on some level.

But as we get older in life, the more decisions and the more control we assume. Frankly, we are expected to assume it. (Did anyone ever hear the word, “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP?”). When we are younger, our parents decided (pretty much) everything. But as we got older, so did our assumption of control and, well…..domination.

But if you ask me, “domination” is confusing. Why is that? Put simply, on the road home, we submit to authority (red lights) but when we get home we become the authority (running a household). Playing different roles in different scenarios is difficult and i find it confusing at best! Some of us are better at it than others for sure.

But i am one who is NOT better at it. i get stressed, anxiety ridden, and find ways to F*** things up!  And what does that lead to??

So let’s look at a scenario –  What DOES it lead to: 

(Honestly, in my marriage pre-DD and post DD – would be a very different answer…. so let’s review BOTH….)

Scenario: Husband does something that i don’t like, i disagree, we fight, and it just happens again and again…. Both the disagreement AND the fight.

Specific example. Our dog likes people food. She follows you into the kitchen in hopes that you’ll set the plate down for her to lick what’s left off the plate after dinner. David typically does this. And it irritates me greatly. WHY? Because it leads to more dog begging and her getting fat.

PRE-DD:

Me: WHY did you give that to her? Again?

Him:  Because.. it irritates you.  And I can.  (Insert maniacal laugh and sly smile).

Me:  (Roll eyes and gritted teeth and annoyed voice…) This is so unnecessary.  There’s no reason to do this!

Him:  Why do you nag so much?  Why can’t you just be happy?

Me:  I’d be happy if you wouldn’t feed the dog leftovers all the time and actually listen to me for a change!

Him:  Why should I listen to YOU?

(And we typically walk away from each other irritated until we both calm down, when we pretend nothing happened and move on … until it repeats tomorrow after dinner!)

WHAT HAS THIS ACCOMPLISHED?  …. NOTHING.  We fought about something and got NOWHERE.  WHY REPEAT THIS PROCESS NIGHT AFTER NIGHT?

What’s the alternative?…….POST-DD:

Now, after DD, this exact same scenario started to play out … again… at the end of dinner just last night (for real!).

But this time, my response was entirely different.  I decided to SUBMIT.  INTENTIONAL SUBMISSION.   I looked at my husband, opened my mouth, and then closed it.  He looked at me.  He smiled.  He laughed (a happy laugh).  And this was the convo:

Him:  You really wanted to say something, didn’t you?

Me:  Yes Sir

Him:  Why didn’t you?

Me: Because i chose submission.  And if you think the food is okay for the dog, then why should i argue?  There’s nothing good that can come from arguing with you.

Him:  Good girl! (And a genuine smile)

(And that’s it. Nothing more. No negativity, anger, or nagging! And instead, we replaced it all with smiles and happiness.

This is why i chose to be submissive on a higher-more-conscious level with my home life AND my outside-the-home life too. i intentionally decided to listen to and obey my husband. i decided that i wanted to submit on a higher level than just societal expectations. i wanted to be congruent. i wanted to honor David. i wanted to have less control over stupid things (like whether the dog gets leftovers) and i wanted to be a better wife!

THIS IS WHAT SUBMISSION IS TO ME.  What is it to you?

(more next time on things like my collar, why i use the lower case i, and maybe a spanking story too…. i suspect a strong spanking is going to be happening soon…. more next time!).

Hugs ~

Marie