151 – November and me and Sir
Do not mix. i have NO idea why.
We have been married (almost) 20-years now and dated for 5-before that. And (almost) without fail, every November is the hardest month of the entire year for our relationship.
And this November has been NO different!
This is one reason you haven’t heard much from me…. i have been sad, unhappy, and generally depressed about it all. It doesn’t make for good writing, let alone happy, smiling, or feeling appreciated.
We have been “off” most of the month. i told you about one disagreement already, but then just a mere 6-days later we had another argument. And these were the “big battles” among many small skirmishes too.
We simply do not communicate well, respond to one another well, and generally have a horrible month. It’s something about the time of year, the weather change, or just the turn of the calendar because by December things always improve again.
Add to that, when we fight we are NOT nice to one another. In fact, i have said “we go for the jugular.” Two people who even “like” one another should not WANT to hurt one another…. ever. Verbally, physically, or mentally.
And yet….. we do.
We just get THAT mad at one another. Now i have said that the opposite of love is NOT hate. When you hate someone (or something), you still have a lot of emotion about it. No, the opposite of love is apathy. When you don’t care at all to even be mad you have simply given up. So the fact that we fight, even with how horribly we are to one another, we do still care! That’s the silver lining.
So now… after starting out terribly, i decided to make a very big effort to end it differently.
Making lemonade from lemons.
In control of my own destiny.
Make life be what you want.
Mind over matter.
Make it happen.
Just do it.
Ok…. enough of the pep talk. So what am i even talking about??
Well….. if two people who love one another shouldn’t want to make each other mad (and hurting), then what should you be doing instead?!?
Yes….. things that make one another happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.
So i decided to do just that.
i am not telling Sir this is what i am up to. It is just going to happen. And i suspect he will notice and be happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.
It takes work to be nice though!! Especially when you don’t feel like it. When you feel wronged, you want to be vindicated. You want the other person to initiate the solution. You want them to apologize, be kind to you, and ……. make you feel happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on. You think “THEY should be the one to fix this!”
The trouble with this … is you both are thinking the same thing. You both want the other person to initiate the solution. But too often we think, “why should I be the one to fix this? I’m not the problem! He/she should say they are sorry…..”. And the cycle never ends. Or ends poorly at best!
So today, i decided i will be the solution. i have clearly been with David long enough to know the things that make him happy (or unhappy), smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.
So instead of thinking about how he is the problem and/or should implement the solution, i decided it doesn’t matter who is the problem. i know how to fix this. i just need to do it. Be in control of my own destiny. Make it happen.
Make November end on a positive and good note and significantly better than how it has started!
And i started this morning.
i tend to eat breakfast on the go. Something quick, easy, and in the car. Something like a piece of fruit and a granola bar. Rarely do i take the time to “make” breakfast. But i decided today i would.
Additionally, all 3 of us (David, myself, AND our son) tend to go our own ways and do our own thing for breakfast. All in the name of just getting ourselves out the door and the day started.
But today, i decided it would be different. And instead of “just” slowing down and cooking breakfast for myself, i also made David breakfast too.
He was surprised. But he was happy, smiled, felt appreciated, and on and on. And he also thanked me! He noticed!
It also made ME feel better. i felt happy, smiled, appreciated, and on and on. i find great joy in serving others, especially David. i like treating others as you’d like to be treated. i like doing good in the world.
So not only has our day started out better with a good breakfast, but now we have a good attitude too!
Today is the start of a new end of a November. Breaking the cycle starting now. A much needed change to the negativity and problems we have brought about every November (as well as already in this first half of this one too!).
Now i have to come up with what tomorrow’s “good thing” will be…… suggestions?? (Careful what you suggest – as i might just turn it around and ask “have you done that for someone you care about lately too?!”)
Lastly….. i am disappointed that our DD relationship has not worked as intended this month. We haven’t been in (many) fights at all since implementing this lifestyle about 2-years ago. But we haven’t given up on it either. And we won’t. Like everything though, it just needs some tweaking. We will get back on track and it starts now… today… with a good breakfast.
And with feelings of being happy, smiling, feeling appreciated , and on and on.
Hugs –
Marie