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Tag: maintain what you don’t want to break

202 – Types of Spankings

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 202 – Types of Spankings

While a spanking is just what it sounds like, there are still different types and each type is used for a different purpose.

i want to talk about each one now and how we use them in our relationship dynamic.

In general though: ALL SPANKINGS HURT.

Honestly, that’s the point. They wouldn’t be worth doing at ALL if they didn’t. i am always walking away from a spanking with a sore butt. How sore or for how long it’s sore is what changes.

And each type serves a different ultimate purpose too. So again, they all hurt, but depending on the goal, it may be a little hurt or a lotta hurt.

So with that – i will talk about the types in terms of least hurt to most hurt….

1) Sexy fun. Most of the time, when sex is involved, the spanking is the least important part, causing it to be the least painful of all spankings.

This is typically the fun, smack-you-on-the-ass and inspire one another to have a better sex scene in the process.

Mostly this spanking is not on that is a “you are here to be spanked” event, but rather “you are here to be fucked – oh, and I’m going to spank you too.”

Sometimes after these, i don’t feel any pain what do ever. It was a sting in the moment and all done with that, and on to the good part!

2) Stress relief. For me OR Him. Frequently i come home stressed out. And when i do, it results in me being cranky, sometimes rude, and short tempered overall.

David usually doesn’t stand for this long. It can go on a day or two before he acts, depending on the circumstances but rarely does it go longer. That’s when he says “the stress….and attitude… will stop now. Go assume the position.”

These are more intentional than the sex spanks, and can be one of the longest types of spanking. Sir starts out with the warm-up-the-butt to get the blood flowing and from there smack! When there are warm up spanks, the blood is flowing better to the area and your bottom responds better to the harder smacks.

As such, the ultimate result is effective! The stress tends to subside, along with my attitude. Primarily because it immediately gives me something else to focus on.

These vary in length, but generally are enough to turn my ass red. And i usually feel it for the remainder of the day.

3) Friday maintenance. These hurt. Yes, i know i said they all hurt, and they do. But of the types spoken about so far, this is the first one that i would say i usually respect, always accept, but NEVER want.

i’d probably say these are most understood by people who don’t practice it, both in and out of the DD lifestyle. The purpose is to reinforce the good. A lot of people ask, “why spank if it ain’t broke?” Well, it’s a physical, tangible reminder of what could be a lot worse (punishment) if things were indeed broken.

The words, “it could be a lot worse” are key. It’s a sample of something that could be a lot worse! And when that sample proves to be enough to instill the thoughts of, “if THIS is maintenance, i do NOT want to go to the full-on spanking!” And it causes me to rethink my behavior, and act right before it does become broken!

Maintenance spankings usually cause me to get back on track in a hurry! They have never made me cry, but i won’t lie, it has been close a few times too. They don’t usually have the warm-up-spanks as they are intended to hurt more. It can be anywhere grim 5-25’ish swats, where most are delivered with intention. They always make my ass sting and turn red, with bruising on occasion. And it always hurts the rest of the day, sometimes into the next day too.

Most of the time, our maintenance is scheduled. But sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes it is impromptu. When this happens, it’s because my behavior is not quite bad enough for a full spanking, but definitely not to be ignored and a warning isn’t enough either.

But it always hurts. Because ALL spankings do.

And it’s effective in (usually) avoiding the BIG one!

4) Discipline. Grand daddy of all! Ok, these are just down right painful. By design. They hurt. A lot. Always.

These are for the express purpose of correcting a wrong. These are the ones everyone thinks about when they think about spankings.

These are the ones that “make you remorseful for your actions” type. The kind that usually make me cry, my bottom hurt for a longgggg time, and i regret those bad decisions. Immediately.

They are extremely effective. And they temper the bad behavior, cause me to wish i had never done it, and (try) to never do it again.

i have landed myself here only a handful of times. That’s good! But when i do land here, i never want to be here again. Every time i start promising to be better, begging for it to stop, waiting and hoping Sir will deem the repentance acceptable and complete.

Tears ALWAYS fall. And they should too. If I land myself here, i should be made to regret it. (And so should any sub! If you are not ever here, then your Dom isn’t spanking hard enough. And if you are the Dom and never seen her cry, you need to rethink if those disciplines are effective!)

That said, i honestly don’t even remember the last time i had one of these. i would need to scroll back through my posts to find it, read it, and remember that way. That’s good AND bad.

It’s good that i usually am not in need of these. i usually do the right thing. i am usually on the right side of the submissiveness measurement stick!

It’s also bad though. Because when i can’t remember AND i develop a “i don’t give a shit” attitude, i tend to land myself back to this level of punishment.

i think this is the one that generates the most comments on my site. People are either turned on (and likely orgasming!) to my stories…. OR…. They become convinced i am being abused – physically AND mentally. i get more comments and emails about this type of post every-single-time.

i am ok with the generated excitement – both good and bad. i know i am NOT turned on by punishment spankings because i am too busy focusing on “how can i get this stop and NEVER happen again”. i also know i am NOT abused in any way. i accept the punishment willingly. And i am of sound mind that i know he has not brainwashed me into this either.

For the record, i usually can’t sit down without feeling the sting for somewhere between 24-48 hours. But i have never had permanent marks, or otherwise damaged skin or bones or body! (Again, NOT abused!)

So – since it’s Friday – i will leave you with a pic of an ass that looks pretty similar to mine after Sir executed a particularly intense maintenance spanking…..

157 – The Party on Saturday night

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This past Saturday we had my co-workers over to our house for a Christmas party. (Please NO comments about covid, a group gathering, masks, etc… it was my choice to invite them, they all knew the numbers AND the people who were invited AND the risk…. and yet they came anyway. Choices matter.)

Anytime we have hosted any party, ever, i get super stressed beforehand. i tend to worry about getting things made just “perfect”.. having enough food, the lay out of where to set things, enough chairs, the dogs bothering people, people mixing/mingling and having a good time.

i love the idea of hosting a party…. and we do an amazing job of it…. but … i tend to not actually enjoy any of it because i am too busy worrying, stressing, and scurrying around that i (mentally) miss most of it.

And David hates it. Not the party itself, but the way i freak out. Which usually causes us to bicker, snap at one another, or even fight beforehand.

i know i do it and i know he hates it. But i can’t control it either.

Well… i talked to David about it early-early on Saturday morning. And he happened to say, “so what can we do to change that outcome?”

This is the single question that has triggered the idea and ultimate discussion about me opening up my creative mind and telling him, “if i were in charge….”.

So i thought about it, and that’s when he was headed out to play a few holes of golf, and he said to text him my answer.

This is what i texted to him then:

As i think about your question and what we could do about me stressing out today, i hear an entire conversation in my head between us. I’ll share it with you now.

You say to me, “every time we have an event, you tend to get stressed, think you have to take over and be in charge, and you get bossy. You think that you can control the outcome of the party by controlling all aspects of it. I’ve never liked it and this time we are going to do it differently.”

You continued, “Today… we will be doing a lot of maintenance. Every hour, I will set a timer to go off at the top of the hour. When it goes off, you will immediately and without question, go to the bedroom and assume the position.

That’s when I will come in and spank you. You should expect that it WILL hurt! Every time!

I will give you 20-swats at each session. There will be no warm up. And between each one you will count and say ‘One Sir. Thank you Sir.’ And when we get to 20, we will be done until the next hour. Do you understand?”

Me, “yes Sir. How many hours will we do this?”

You, “until I decide you’ve learned how to not be bossy.”

You, “Additionally, please know that you will NOT be sexually touched or get to cum today. This is long overdue maintenance and intended to put myself in charge and you to submit. Not for you to be pleasured.”

“Finally, you will make a butt plug ready for me to insert. I intend to put it in at some point near the end of the maintenance sessions but you may end up being spanked with it in at some point as well. And you will likely wear it through the end of the party as a constant reminder that you are NOT to be bossy at any point!”

Me: Yes Sir. Thank you for your leadership and taking the time to spank me today.

After writing that to him, i waited for a response.

His only words back were, “I like that.”

Now what REALLY happened was…….

When David got home from golf a bit later, i was busy putting out plates, silverware, and the like, when he said, “let’s start that maintenance now. Go Assume the Position and I will be there in a bit.”

Me: Yes Sir. And i did.

That position he always wants me in to be spanked is….

– No clothes (at all), feet on the floor, spread shoulder width apart, bent over onto the bed from the waist up,

– head facing the bed or a pillow, palms facing down onto the bed, and with my arms laying up above my head,

– most importantly – the paddle resting in the small of my back.

As the way our bed sits, my back is then to the door. i hear the door open, but i can not see it or him. But i know he’s there.

His words upon seeing me in position were, “Now that’s my good girl! Exactly the way things are supposed to be.”

Because he is still in control and my Sir, he didn’t spank me the way i described above in the text. Instead, he did some small “love pats,” or warm-up swats. i received around 50 of them. While a few were slightly more powerful, not even one had any real force behind it. That said, the sting was felt and definitely made the impact Sir was seeking for it to do. It achieved the goal in no time at all.

The sting of the paddle hitting the same (general) area 50-times starts to build and it turns my butt very hot and very red. But these types of swats usually do not cause ANY bruising whatsoever, and is very impactful (mentally AND physically!)

While giving me this spanking, he did not make me count. Rather the opposite. He talked to me………

He said, “You don’t need to stress.” (Smack).

“You know it does nothing useful.” (Smack).

“You aren’t in control, I am.” (Smack).

“You need to trust that I am in control too.” (Smack).

“For the rest of the day, if you are stressing out, you need to stop and breathe. And slow yourself down.” (Smack).

“If I see you stressing today, I am going to first give you a warning. I suggest you heed it.” (Smack).

“Because if you start to stress today, or tonight at this party, and you don’t get yourself under control, I will assert my control instead and get you under control myself.” (Smack).

“We both know this is effective. Don’t we??” (Smack)

[i responded. “Yes Sir.]

“I will make you come to the bedroom and we will repeat this as much as is needed.” (Smack).

“Don’t even think of testing me, because I WILL do it all day long and even tonight with guests in our home.” (Smack)

“You wouldn’t want your co-workers to wonder why you’ve disappeared and hear the paddle falling on your ass, would you?” (Smack)

“I will spank you all afternoon and night in order to make you slow down and regain your composure if i need to, but i believe this preemptive discussion will curb most of that behavior.” (Smack, SMACK)

“Don’t you think so too?” (Smack… smack… SMACK!)

Me: Yes Sir. Thank you Sir.

So while turning my ass a bright red, getting very warm to the touch, and talking aloud to me, i heard his message loud and clear.

i didn’t receive another spanking all day… or night! Thank Goodness. Because while he hasn’t actually done anything “Dom-like” in front of others, so i don’t know if he would have spanked DURING the party for all to hear, i feel like testing him on this isn’t a wise-move either!

i did receive a verbal warning at one point in the afternoon though. He said, “I’m detecting stress in your voice. Is that an accurate assessment??”

i hadn’t even noticed it, but his words weren’t lost on me. And he was right! i took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and said, “Yes Sir.”

He said, “Are you able to change that on your own?”

And i said, “i believe so.”

To which he responded, “Good Girl.”

And i did. And we were both pleased!

So while i started out in the morning telling him how i wanted him to dominate me, he did an even better job of taking my ideas and implementing the parts that he felt were needed and tailoring it to him!

This is an example of how i think we will operate in the coming days with me speaking up about how he could or should treat (dominate) me and how i should respond (submit).

By the way… the party was amazing. We had a great time! People were smiling and laughing and ……..happy. Something i haven’t seen a lot of this year.

We all need to find something good in 2020 or at least to be happy about, even if it’s simply that the 2020 year is coming to an end!

And for some of us, finding the happy is a real struggle! i get it. The last 6’ish weeks have been a real struggle and David/i have had more disagreements than we’ve had in several years combined!

But maybe we are turning it around and ending the year on a good and happy note. Scratch the word maybe in that last sentence. We ARE ending the year positively. i hope you can too!

Hugs,

Marie

41 – DD is like finding the right pair of jeans

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Domestic Discipline is as easy as finding the right pair of jeans that fit.  (that was humor).

It used to be that jeans were basic – Wrangler or Levi, they were blue, and fit was a just a matter of length and waist .  But NOW… they come in every style, shape, color, and fit.

That’s Domestic Discipline.  DD.

If you are considering it, or new to it, i’m here to tell you that every DD relationship is different.  And it takes time to get the right fit.  Our relationship is no different. It also takes constant revisions. It is fluid. Changing.

i expected to have a set of rules —  follow them = good, don’t follow = spanking. And while that’s the basic premise, it isn’t really the way it works in real life. Just like jeans aren’t “just blue”, life isn’t just “black and white”…. DD isn’t “Just good and bad and spankings resulting from the bad” either.

When it comes to jeans, you know when you have a good pair and you stick with it until they are completely worn out. And then you hope you find another pair exactly like it, but alas, they are not for sale anymore. So you have to try to find something similar but hopefully better. And the hunt is on.

i think marriage is a lot like that from the start. You hunt and search for the right person, and then you hunt and search for the right way to make it work.

But just like jeans, it ‘wears out’ or ‘wears off’. What i didn’t realize was that living DD 24/7 is hard. It’s easy to start. And maybe even on a date night or a weekend it is easy too. But when it comes to a full-marriage implementation, it gets hard. It takes complete dedication and discipline -from BOTH of you – to not ‘just relax’ and ‘take a break’ from it.

For example, i’ve been gone from here the last 2 weeks due to having SUPER hard days at work. i won’t go into the details, but i wanted to crawl in bed and NOT go back. At all. Ever. But that’s not realistic (or financially practical). There was a lot of change going on at work, nothing i was in control of, and every day was different in a way i wasn’t prepared for. That left me completely drained when i’d get home.

And cranky.

And Sir didn’t like that. Rightfully so.

But instead of spanking me to get me back on track, he chose to give me space. To let me work it out. i think he did this because he knew the problem wasn’t anything to do with him/ us/ our family, he knew i was trying to be good at home (but was failing). But frankly, being allowed to do what i wanted …… wasn’t what i wanted….. or what i needed. i’m just saying.

But telling him “Spank me” was making me cranky too. i wasn’t sure i having my ass blistered was going to help. So i let it go. But then last weekend, i said, “Something has to give. i have to be reassured you don’t just let me do my own thing anytime i want”. So he spanked me. And it H-U-R-T. My ass hasn’t felt a really bad one for awhile and it bruised. The bruising caused a ‘stinging’ feeling when i sat for the entire rest of the day.

He said we would resume maintenance spankings, which had also faded away (like the blue in your jeans). When i asked what the schedule would be, he said no. He wouldn’t tell me. When i asked why i couldn’t know, he said, “Just like the grass has a maintenance schedule, it doesn’t have to be on the exact same day every week. You just need to know this will happen ‘as needed’ the same the grass gets cut ‘as needed’.”

And just like that …..my jeans are fitting better….. thanks to DD ……