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21 – Maintenance is working as intended

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 21 – Maintenance is working as intended

So i wondered from the beginning WHY do people do Maintenance.  i even previously blogged about it, where i came to terms with the idea.

Last week, Sir decided we would do DAILY maintenance.  D*A*I*L*Y.

Keep in mind that while i had come to the realization that it did have a proper place in domestic discipline, i still wasn’t keen on it.

But i still submitted.  “Yes Sir”.  And what i was thinking in my head was “BUT WHY?”

Well, i admit – it works.

We have now done it for a week.  My bottom is not nearly as sore as i’d have thought, but i have realized quite a few things about myself, spankings, maintenance, and submission.

Namely:  IT WORKS.  Maintenance.  It works.

Here’s how the week has gone:  

Day 1: – i didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ so remind me WHY do we to do this!? (grumpy)

Spanking hurt.  It was intended to be so.  i was standing on the floor, legs apart, hands on the side of the bed.

At the end, i felt his fingers reach between my legs.  And i heard him say, “Good girl for taking that spanking.  Do you want to cum?”

Me:  “Thank you Sir.  Yes, i’d like to cum”.
And he fingered me until i begged permission to do so.  And he said Yes!

Day 2: – Okay, now it hurts.  (seriously, is this really necessary?)

Sir seems to want to get it over with.  Going fast, firm, and intense.

But at the end, he pushed me up onto the bed in a doggie style and asked me if i wanted to cum.  Of course, i said “YES SIR!”.

And he fingered me again until i came.

i guess while maintenance spankings are necessary, if i take them as i should without complaining, there is a reward at the end!

Day 3: – i don’t want this to be the norm.  (fine, maybe it IS necessary)

The spanking of course.  The cum – YES, please, can i do it again?!!

Day 4: – okay, i’ll just get into position before he even tells me to.  He was impressed and surprised.  (okay, this hurts enough i need to submit without getting a “real” spanking).

But i took the liberty to change up “the position”.  i propped pillows on the bed, angled myself over them so that my ass was in the air, and put my arms under my stomach (so i couldn’t be tempted to reach back and stop the spanking mid-way).

What i didn’t appreciate was that when he hits now, the ‘give’ between the paddle and the bed is not much.  And there’s no place for me to straighten up, flex or move away, and i feel the full brunt of it.

Add to that, David has increased the intensity of the maintenance spanking and each swat is delivered more intentionally also.  He even started to tell me, “That was a 30% arm strength”.  i can’t imagine what 100% would feel like.  And i hope i never have to find out!  As i said, “working as intended!”

But then came the reward.  He said, “Flip over on your back.”  i did.  WOW – my ass stung as it came together with the bed!

He got between my legs and licked me until i begged him to allow me to cum.  He said YES!  And i released my orgasm on his face.

Day 5: – Get a text “Assume the position”.  His arm and swats are firmer.  He is testing my limits.  (now i’m compliant and expecting it, although not exactly wanting it).

i had hoped to have a reprieve because David had to take our son to school  as he missed the bus.  And i had gotten dressed intending to go to work and was excited at the possibility of skipping today’s maintenance.

Darn it.  NO such luck.  But maybe the cum reward afterward will be sufficient and i’ll have to relax and wait for the reward.

i didn’t know what “the position” he meant – standing by the bed or laying on pillows with ass in the air.  I opted for the latter because i just wasn’t sure how much time would lapse until he was home.  And David seemed pleased to see my ass in the air when he did arrive home.

i cringed with each swat.  And i prayed it would end soon.  And i prayed that he’d allow me to cum.  And i thanked God for this man and his discipline and leadership of me and our family.  And i prayed that God would help me submit always and to never have to incur the wrath of Sir’s disciplinary spanking.  Ever.  (Although i know it will be needed at some point, i pray it is no time soon!).

Working as intended.

And i got to cum too.

Day 6 – i don’t even get dressed.  i just know there’s no point.  i am accepting.  The intensity has increased with each day.  I cringe.   (i do NOT want the real spanking because maintenance is enough!)

i wish there were a way to avoid this.  But i don’t see there is.  And arguing the point that i’ve gotten the message wouldn’t help, in fact, it would likely elicit a true disciplinary spanking as i felt the need to argue.

He peppers my ass with small, intense swats all over.  And then a BIG SWAT.  OUCH!  And repeat with small swats all over and SMACK!  OUCH AGAIN!  By the time he was done, my voice was almost hoarse from letting out the yelps of pain.

And he climbed between my legs once again.  This part is SO AMAZING!  He let me cum. i pray he never says NO to the cumming part.

For the first time ever he tells me, “Wow, you had a little bit of a squirt that time”.

REALLY?

Day 7: – i wake up and tell Sir, “These maintenance spankings are having the desired effect.  i won’t intentionally misbehave.  Knowing the intensity and heat from a red hot ass after maintenance, i have ZERO desire to have a discipline spanking.  David says, “GOOD!  Then we can skip today’s maintenance.”

Phew!  A reprieve.

But no cum.  i guess there is a bitter sweet to this.  i bet Sir will be desirous to allow me to cum without a spanking though too! 🙂

8th day –

Sir asks, “Is your ass still sore?”

Me: “No Sir”

Sir says, “Hmm.  Maybe we need to work on the intensity to ensure it is a lasting effect!”

Me:  “Two days later?”

Sir:  “YES! But now you can insert a butt plug and wear a g string to hold it in tight today!”
Oh my!

Day 9 – will be tomorrow – i wonder what it may hold.  And when can i graduate to NOT being daily maintenance?!!!

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

16 – Submit even when you aren’t “Feeling it”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 16 – Submit even when you aren’t “Feeling it”

i don’t know WHY i was having a “bad day”…. But i was.  Yesterday, i wasn’t “feeling it”.  i wasn’t feeling work, cooking, eating, nothing.  i just kinda wanted to be alone in my alone world.  In fact, i was feeling quite selfish overall.  i didn’t really recognize it for what it was until Sir pointed it out to me.

He said, “You are having a lot of trouble with this Submission thing today!”  And my first thought was, “No I’m not!”.  (Notice the capital “I”?? Read this post about that: https://wordpress.com/post/lovingdisciplinelife.com/69).

While i didn’t say it, it was true.  And i didn’t even realize it at the time either.

But he would be right.

So let me back up to the morning….. rewind…..  yesterday morning….

i was horny.  He knew it.  And he had to leave before me.  So he told me to masturbate.  But because we are doing Orgasm control too (see this post for more on that: https://wordpress.com/post/lovingdisciplinelife.com/95), he told me i had to “Masturbate to the edge, but DO NOT CUM, 4 x’s on repeat and THEN ask permission to cum.”

So that’s exactly what i did.  And he said i could.  And i was SO thankful.  i wouldn’t have been happy at all if he’d said no.  But alas, he didn’t, so i did.  And boy was it sooooo nice!

But THEN, he texted about 2-minutes later and said, “But now you have to wear the tack bra for having masturbated 2-days ago without permission.”  (Which i had and he busted me on!).

i begged, “NO please, Sir.  i really need to focus at work today and i don’t want to have to wear that.  Can i just wear it from the time i get home?!” And he did (Thankfully) relent.

And nothing else was said about it.  And my work day was stressful.  i came home tired and feeling so tired.  And since NOTHING else had been said about it, when i got home,  i didn’t put on the tack bra.

Then an hour later, i got in my favorite PJ’s (NOT his favorite – pants, top, made of cotton, super soft, but super “mom” and not at all “sexy”).  And didn’t say a word, just climbed into bed to play on my ipad a bit.

THAT was when he came in and told me i was struggling to be submissive.  i think he knew i didn’t have the tack bra on.  But he more-or-less let it go.  And i was happy.

Then today came….

And i felt guilty.  i felt very un-submissive in my behavior yesterday.  So without being told or asked, i just put on the tack bra anyway.

Now you have to understand, this was **THE** first time i’d actually been told to wear it since it was made.  But he told me, “If you make it, you better be prepared to wear it!” – and i wasn’t!

At least last night.  But today, i was determined to be a better submissive wife.

OUCH!

Okay, so putting it on wasn’t a big deal – not as much as i’d imagined anyway.  My imagination had gone crazy thinking how awful this would be.  So i went about getting ready for work.

And Sir texted me.  And here’s how the texting went:

Sir: “You should cum”.

Me: well, i had to clarify, “Is that a suggestion or a requirement?”

Sir:  one word, “Requirement”.

Me: “i’m not exactly feeling horny.  Do i have to?”

Sir:  “You need to start realizing that it doesn’t matter if you ‘feel’ it or not.  Now DO IT!”

Me:  “Yes Sir”.

Sir:  “Send me a picture”.

And the picture had the tack bra showing in it too.

Sir then texts:  “You put it on?  Without me telling you?”

Me: “Technically speaking, you DID tell me to put it on and i felt particularly unsubmissive in my actions and behaviors yesterday, and needed to make amends.”

Sir:  “Good girl!”

Me:  But oh-my-gosh – after moving around to masturbate and cum – when i wasn’t even horny and had to get myself to that point without ‘feeling it’ was PAINFUL with a tack bra on!  Holy H-E-Double Hocky sticks!

Me to Sir:  “Sir, i know you told me to wear this.  And technically, i have.  But it is SERIOUSLY hurting already and i haven’t left the house.  Can i have permission to NOT wear it to work, please?”

Sir:  “Because you recognize your own need for discipline and because you realize you did not follow orders without having to make me administer discipline, I will allow you to not wear it to work.  This time.  But get your attitude in check, and remember YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE AT ALL ANYMORE! or next time you WILL wear it out of the house until i tell you otherwise!”

Me:  “OH THANK YOU SIR!”

SO – Sir is seriously taking on the Dom role nicely.  i am having to learn that i am really NOT in control anymore.  i have to remember that even when i don’t ‘feel like it”, Sir just might be.  And i am not capital, but lower case.

And i love it!  i wouldn’t have it any other way.

Next time though – my breasts may take a beating, right along with my ass too.  Let’s hope i’ve learned my lesson and don’t “FEEL” particularly unsubmissive anytime too soon!
Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

13 – Corset Waist Training and sex and spanking, oh my.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 3 Comments on 13 – Corset Waist Training and sex and spanking, oh my.

Have you done it before? i just started this past week.  Tell me what you think!?

i love it!  It is hot, sexy, and slimming.

And i’ve noticed that Sir LOVES it too!  🙂

i probably should have asked permission to buy it, wear it, and do it in the first place, but i didn’t.  And (probably because he DOES love the look, i got away with the unilateral decision i made! wink,wink!)

PROS:  Hot, Sexy, Slimming. 

Okay, so i already said that.  But let’s expand on that…..

Hot – well – i FEEL hot.  Not heat hot, but “oh la la” hot.

i like being looked at.  i always have.  i live a domestic, suburban lifestyle and looking “hot” isn’t exactly a pro-mom thing.  or a pro-suburban life thing.  Which is probably why i like to show it off and do what i’m not supposed to do!

These things force you to have good posture, which forces your boobs to protrude, which forces you to walk with confidence.  And THAT Sir finds to be hot.  And me too!

Sexy.  Okay, so sexy and hot are kinda the same thing.  But what i’m talking about is the bedroom-sexy here.  Let me tell you what happened….

Sir said i was disrespectful, and i was.  i deserved punishment, that i was just about to receive too.  And David ordered me to the bedroom to “assume the position” (clothes off, feet on the floor, legs spread shoulder-width apart, hands on the bed, head down, and ready to be spanked).

So i did as told.  But – i left the corset on.  Definitely a bold not-so-submissive move, but i was taking a chance with leaving it on, and i did it in a “i dare you to spank me harder if you think i’ve disobeyed this order too” kind of way.  And i waited.

He came in, grabbed the paddle and hit my ass HARD.  (Darn it, i’m not going to get an easy spanking due to looking corset-ready-sexy.  Hmm.)

BUT – alas – that’s when he laid his other hand on the small of my back.  And he said, “You look sexy.  But you are still in trouble.”

And SMACK.  (OUCH!).  So this hurts, but i smiled because i achieved the desired level of naughtiness by keeping the corset on, and he noticed.

And SMACK.  (OUCHHHHH).  But then…..

His hand left the small of my back and i felt it touch between my legs.  (Oh YEAH!)

i flinched because i wasn’t expecting that and that’s when i felt another SMACK. And Sir said, “I didn’t say you could move!”

And his fingers played with my clit.  i tried to stay very still.  But when i’m hit (no pun intended) with sex and spank at the same time, i feel pleasure AND pain, and my brain is racing a mile a minute!  And so is my heart!  And my blood.  And my pussy got wet!

He liked it!  He commented, “i think you are liking this!”

And SMACK. (OUCH again!  Woah, which feeling is DOMINANT in me?!).

But his fingers continued to explore my clit and pretty soon i felt TWO go inside.

And SMACK.  With 2-fingers inside on one hand and the other hand controlling the paddle, that was some kind of sensation!

That’s when he pushed more fingers inside… in fact, his paddle hand dropped the paddle and pushed on the small of my back to hold me in place, while his pussy hand pushed ALL fingers inside me.

He was working towards a full fisting motion.  And it stretched out my pussy and pushed hard inside me.  It got me so wet!  And that’s when i heard, “DO NOT CUM!”  (okay, so is THAT the punishment?!)

We’ve never been fully successful with fisting.  Sir’s hand is large and he says the squeezing tightness of my pussy doesn’t feel good on his hand.  But i think he endeavors to one day get his entire fist into that pussy!  (But today was not that day!)

He pushed me hard into the bed and pinned my neck with his spanking hand so that i couldn’t move while the other hand was jamming in and out of my pussy.  With each “in” it went further and hurt a little more.  A pleasure-filled-hurt though.

After a bit of this, he said, “NOW you may cum” and i did almost immediately.  (Orgasm training is another thing we are working on… another post maybe!).  And the release was amazing!

That’s when David stood me up, put both hands around my neck and from behind me said, “This wasn’t much of a punishment, but i DO LOVE the corset look.  Wear it daily!”  (YES SIR!… Mission accomplished…. hear the theme song in your head… dunt, dunt, du-du-dunt… okay, i’ll stop, but you DO hear it, right?!?!?).

I got away with it this time, but somehow, i don’t think that, corset or no corset, “next time” the punishment really WILL BE punishment.

And Slimming…. okay, well, after those HOT AND SEXY pros, do we really want to talk about any other pros?!?!

– well, maybe just ONE comment – regarding “slimming” – the corset strings are HARD to do up (in the back) by yourself – so Sir is not using his Dominant self to tie me in of his own accord.  And of course, i’d have to have permission to get out of it – but i don’t want to – becuase – well – i find it — HOT, SEXY, and SLIMMING.  (Can you tell, i like it!?!)
And CONS — well – that would just simply be a complete downer to talk about that now –  so we will skip that.  Comment if you really want to hear about the Cons.  😉

So there you have it – i officially wear a corset – and sometimes that’s IT – but the corset is a daily activity now……

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

11 – Double Date with BFF’s

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 11 – Double Date with BFF’s

Sir and i went out on a double date last night with our BFF’s.  They are married and we met because our children were in kinder together (at a private Christian school no less!).  We have always had a mutual attraction, but never reallyyyyyyy acted on it.

First the backstory…

So our kids were in kindergarten and as you stand outside the classroom door, you get to know one another’s faces, as the school year drones on you say hello, and it takes off from there.

i’ve always thought she was hot.  She is probably **the** reason i wanted to kiss a woman.  But she is the elusive, flirty, look-but-do-NOT-touch, type.  When i am with her, i find myself with loads of JOY.  So i’ll call her “Joy” from now on.

Joy is one of those women who is older and wiser than her actual years. In fact, i’m about 10-years older than her, but to talk to us, you’d have NO idea that she wasn’t older than me.  She’s done more things, been to more places, and seen more wilder things that i’ve even dared to think about.  At least, so she says.

She and i quickly became BFF’s as our sons also became BFF’s.  It was convenient!  And we confided in one another about everything – i think.  i say ‘i think’ because the longer i know her (going on 10-years now!) the more i “find out” that she hadn’t told me before. Which isn’t bad, just eye opening in a “oh, i didn’t know THAT,” kind of way.

But because we talk openly, we talk about EVERYTHING.  She once told me that “if we weren’t married to our husbands, we would  make the perfect couple and i’d ask you to marry me!” and she was serious.  And what’s more, i pretty much agreed with her too!

We hung out, texted, called each other A LOT.  She started calling me, “HER MARIE”.  And told her husband that “When I’m with MY Marie, you have to take a backseat.  I’ll always come home to you, but she comes first!” WOW.  Bold.  (She’s NOT a submissive!)

Our husbands began to be friends too, because we would coordinate double-dates, just so that they were included but really, it was so we could be together too.

But that’s as far as it’s ever gone sexually too…… mostly anyway.

SEXTING with Joy.

She loves to sext me.  Joy brings a smile to my face when she sends me naughty pictures and asks for some in return.  She tells me she’s been with women before and loved it, but that her husband didn’t think it was ‘right’.  i’ve decided i think that was simply an ‘excuse’ to tell me so that she wouldn’t have to get naked in front of me, in person, and let me have my way with her (and vice versa).

Joy has sent me all sorts of naked porn and seductively dressed pictures.  i think she knows i’d love to taste her.  And that’s likely why when we are together, she flirts (heavily) but because we are ALWAYS in public, it would never go further than flirting.

Joy’s husband.

Let me tell you a bit about Joy’s husband.  Most of which is second-hand knowledge from Joy, because of course, i talk to Joy wayyyyy more than i do her husband.

Her husband is manly in that he works out, he’s done an Iron Man challenge, and he’s fit.  She says it is all for show though.  She says that on the inside, he is very much a puppy dog and does what she wants.  She likes to “be on top” but she also likes to “top from the bottom”. Maybe she’s a switch and ultimately not just a dominant or a submissive!

She hands him devices and tells him to use them. Once she and i went to a girl’s night out and she told me that she “put his cock in a cage, took the key (with her to our girl’s night), and told him to expect sexy pictures from us all night while we were out.” And then she laughed and told me, “he likes it! And I like being in control!”.

And then she proceeded to tell me that she/i would take turns going to the bathroom taking naughty pictures and sending them to him.  And we did.  But of course, we didn’t do this “together”.

So because he is physically fit (The Iron Man Challenge!) and he loves Iron on his cock apparently too, i’m going to call him “IRON” from now on.  So Joy and Iron are happily married with her telling him what to do… and in some ways.. telling me what to do too.

Fantasy date nights.

Joy has told me she wanted us to set up a date with each of our husbands, at separate restaurants, but on the same day and time.  They would think they were going to dinner with their wife. But THEN when it came time to go out, we would tell them we had to drive separate cars (not sure how i’d have ever managed to convince Sir that while we are going to the same place, we have to drive separate cars!?).

And each of her/i would go to the “other husband’s” restaurant.  And act, look, talk as if we are married to that husband.  So she would go meet Sir and i would go meet Iron.  And when we were together with the other one’s husband, we would touch, kiss, and ‘act married’ to that one.

We’ve never actually done that because at the time she suggested it, i wasn’t too sure how much Iron and i would actually have in common or what we would ‘do’ or talk about.  And frankly, i was a bit worried that Iron would just get mad. David would likely be turned on and think it hot, but i wasn’t certain of that either.

SATURDAY REAL DATE NIGHT.

Last night Joy and Iron, and myself and Sir went to dinner and drinks altogether on a double-date. We went to a nice steak house and ate dinner, drank two bottles of wine, and went to the cigar room in the restaurant for a cocktail after that.  (i was drunk off my ass!)

When i get drunk, i get horny.  Okay, so i get horny pretty much anytime David is around, but still… it’s magnified when i’m drunk.  Okay, maybe not magnified at all… maybe just that i tell him more… i become more aggressive about it!

And at dinner, i was sitting next to Sir and put my hand on his leg.  i started rubbing his leg in a “i’m thinking of you” and “i love you” and a “massage” kind of way.  He seemed to like it.

And the drunker i got, the more bold i got.  i moved my hand up to his crotch and started rubbing on his cock.  i could feel it responding.  i could tell he liked it.

But that’s when he grabbed my hand, put it on my own leg, and said, “STOP!  You didn’t ask permission to touch my leg, let alone my cock!”.

i cringed. Ouch, that kinda hurt my ego.

And i whispered, “may i please touch your cock Sir?”  into his ear.

He said, “NO.  You should’ve asked first.  But you didn’t.  So you lost that privilege!”

Joy was observant though and noticed this exchange.  She looked at me and said, “are you okay?”

i said, “oh yes, i’m in trouble though.  i didn’t ask permission.”

And Sir said, “Most definitely in trouble!”

Joy said, “Didn’t ask permission for what?”

Sir said, “Tell her!” Despite texting and sexting a lot with Joy, i hadn’t told her about this new submissive dynamic we had now.

Me, “For touching his cock without permission.” And i looked down.

Joy laughed and said, “i hope the punishment fits the crime” and she winked.  i think she thinks i was in a ‘play/ fun kind of trouble’ and frankly, i wasn’t sure if she was right or not.  i’d have to wait and see.

Cigar room fun.

Have you ever smoked a cigar?  It creates a natural high from the nicotine.  So combine alcohol, cigar high, and horny-ness (is that a word?) together and what do you get?

i got Joy sitting in my lap and proclaiming how happy she was to have “Her Marie” now.

That’s when Sir said, “kiss her”.

i wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or Joy, but it could be interchangeable.  So she leaned in and pecked me on the lips.

Sir said, “That wasn’t much of a kiss”.

And she leaned in and KISSED ME.  i tasted her tongue.  i felt the heat between us.  i wanted more.  So i asked her if David could take our picture while we did that again.  She laughed and said, “sure.”  So i got to kiss her again.  And i got a picture too.  🙂

But … alas… that was it.  Done.  No more.  That was all she wrote.

Really?!  i was left feeling teased on a whole new level.

MAYBE NEXT TIME.

Sir said we should start having more double date nights.  And the next one maybe should be closer to home.  And maybe the one after that, we could come back to our home.  And maybe the one after THAT, he’d order me naked as soon as we hit the house and he would “strongly suggest” (because she would probably listen to Sir, but still want to be in control) that she use a toy on me.  And then the NEXT time, he’d tell me to lick her pussy until she came. And then…. and then…..

And that’s maybe when she’d let Iron out of his cage to play also.

Maybe.

One can hope.

One day.

One date.

Soon.

Maybe.

Or maybe not!

Hugs ~

Marie

8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Hello ~

Fair warning – this is a longggg post.  But it is a 2-fer really.

First, i want to give you some of my backstory.  How did i get to this place?

Second, its a struggle.  This submission thing is both what i want, and not.  And, well, its a struggle. Yes, a struggle, after just a couple of days ago how i told you my Thoughts on Submission. Wanting to submit and actually doing it aren’t always one in the same.

SO – STORY #1 – MY BACKSTORY.

To date, i haven’t given you ‘that much’ information about ME and my husband.  But i want to now.

We’ve been married for 17 years.  We met at work.  We are both in the same profession.  He was my boss when i started working there.  (i suppose he was ‘in charge’ of me from the beginning!)  i worked there for 9-months when we started dating.  Our firm sent us out of town on a project for 3-weeks where we ate, drank, and …got merry!  (MERRY not MARRY…. not yet anyway.)

We dated for 5-years.  A longgg 5-years and i doubted whether he was going to marry me and i ended up giving him an ultimatum.  Obviously, he conceded and we were married shortly thereafter.

And from there, life got boring.  We changed jobs and no longer worked together.  We had a kid.  Only one.  And life was even more mundane.  We both thought, “This is ALL there is?” and we became your average American family with a 2-story house, picket fence, and a dog.

The “American Dream” … right?  What more could a girl want?!?

Well… looks can be deceiving.

At about our 10-year anniversary, neither of us was “all that happy” (and a bag of chips).  We were just going through the motions.  And something had to change or else we would either die young (boredom) or end up divorced.

That’s when we started talking about having a 3-some (with a woman).  And from there, we talked about becoming swingers.  And we did it ….all.  Yes, i consider myself bi-sexual now also.  But we don’t have any ‘regulars’ we see… not yet anyway.   (In another post, i’ll give you some salacious details!)

The more we explored, the more i wanted to do.  He was happy with a 3-some (of course he was, what man wouldn’t want 2-women?!).  But i found myself wanting to be controlled.   i wanted him to tell me what to do.

It basically started as a fantasy… and mostly just a sexual one.  i really thought i was a masochist for the longest time.  And when i “casually mentioned” this to my husband, he was like, “NO, I can NOT beat you!!  I was raised to respect women”  And i was like, “But i WANT you to.”  And while i think he just basically thought i was crazy… i REALLY think he thought that this was a “phase” that i was going through.  That the fantasy sounded good, but the reality wouldn’t be.

Fast forward a bit.  About 2-years ago, i found the website for really kinky people and i decided to register.  My profile says “I’m a married female, on here with consent from my husband.  I want a Dom and while he doesn’t feel that’s something he can do, he supports my endeavor to find one.”  And all that was true.  i talked to him first.  And he agreed to the site, the posting wording, and as long as he knew where i was and who i was with at all times when i met someone… then i had his blessings.  (Safety first.  That was his concern).

This is the point he started to take me seriously though too.  If i was willing to do all this, maybe i did want this from someone. And if he wasn’t willing or able to give it to me, i was willing to go get it. i never did find anyone that i was brave enough to actually meet …. stories of rape, abuse, and kidnapping scared me so much that i just couldn’t ACTUALLY bring myself to GO MEET “HIM” (or HER).

WELL – so how did we bridge this gap?

Our dog LOVES to bark.  We’ve tried everything to get her to stop.  And we finally bought her a shock collar that we shock her and she FINALLY stops.  It is run from a plug-in Rechargeable battery and you are now wondering, “HOW did we get to talking about the DOG and HOW does that get us to a DD relationship”  (Bear with me 1-more minute!)

The collar went ‘dead’ and needed to be recharged a little more than a week ago.  So i plugged it in and waited (bark, bark, bark going on the entire time i waited!). It was FINALLY time to put it back on her.

And when David got home from work, he said, “I see you put her collar back on.”   To which I replied, “YES, a collar is a good thing!”  and he said, “Is it now?” and i said, “YES! Absolutely!”  And at this point, i think he knew i wasn’t talking about the dog collar.

He went to the (home) office computer and started typing.  And i figured out he was doing something “secretive” so i didn’t bother him.  (Maybe he was finding us a hot babe for another hot 3-some!)

A couple of days later, we have a delivery.  He tells me to “Come here now!” and i do.  He has a collar for ME!  He put it on and i LOVED it!  i was surprised at it.  And he said, “WOW, I think I could’ve bought you a car and you wouldn’t be THIS happy!”  He also said, “You are MINE!  And I really see NO reason for you to take this collar off.  Do you?”  and I responded with, “No Sir!”.

i didn’t know for sure if this was the start of him REALLY being my Dom, but i prayed about it.  i was hoping!  i literally prayed, “Lord, let him be the head of our house.  Let him have his way and not mine.  Help him to lead us according to your will and to hear you clearly. Help me to submit to my husband”.

Finding Domestic Discipline (DD).    Up until this point, i didn’t even actually KNOW about DD.  i got SO turned on by the collar, i went to my ipad and typed into a Google search, “Submitting to my husband” and the first thing that came up was “Domestic Discipline.” I read a lot about it that night.

THAT was when i realized, i’m not reallyyyyy a masochist.  i’m a submissive wanting to submit to my husband, have consequences for NOT doing so, and well, have domestic discipline. Domestic discipline is about spanking. But not just that. Discipline can come in many forms. But that’s all really for another post!

i showed my husband what i found and asked him to research it too.

And the VERY NEXT DAY… he told me to buy a paddle and be ready to have it used.  i thought, “WOAH, we are REALLY doing this!!”

… and THAT my friends is “How I got here in the first place!”

Which brings me to Story #2 –

IT’S A STRUGGLE

Submission.  i want to do it.  i really do.  But i’m struggling.  Let me (try to) explain.

With ALL that backstory (that is absolutely true) up until this point, everything i reallyyyyy knew about Submission or Domination or Domestic Discipline or Masochism or BDSM (any other ‘or’s i’ve missed?!?) – was ALL IN MY HEAD. Meaning, i have read a lot, talked a lot, but not DONE a lot.

None of it was actually played out in real life.  If you count ‘talking to someone online or text’ as playing it out in real life, then yes, i suppose i’ve had at least a real life experience.  But other than THAT, nothing. So i don’t really know what it means to submit or be spanked or to say things like, “Yes Sir.”

And well, the internet is completely true…. and all those erotic stories i’ve read… those are all true too.  And that’s exactly how all this will play out in real-life too. RIGHT?!?!

So i’ve crafted this whole “IDEA” of how all this dominance/submission and spanking was supposed to go.  Frankly, it is so well crafted that it could be my own real-life-movie where i’m the star of the show and my husband says his lines and plays his part.  All i had to do was give him the script!

And that’s basically what i tried to do.  That’s why i’m “Topping from the Bottom”.  You know, where i tell you how to dominate me and you do what i say?!?!  THAT was what i envisioned. Oh it wasn’t intentional, but is the reality of the situation too.

WHAT I GOT was a TRUE SIR.   My husband, David, is coming into his own.  He took my ‘Advice and ideas’ for about a week.  And NOW, he’s told me to SUBMIT and let HIM dominate.  That i’m too bossy.  That i need to understand that submission doesn’t mean tell him what to do.  It is the other way around.  And whether it is according to my ‘script’ or not, he doesn’t care.

SO – NOW – I’m struggling.   You’d think i’d be happy.  RIGHT?  Well, i am actually.  BUT i’m not sure how to “DO” this submission thing.  It sure looked easy watching the porn, in my books, on the internet, but now … this is ‘real life’ … and it’s not really following the scripts that i laid out.

Sir is doing an amazing job.  i’m SO thrilled and impressed at his desire to lead.  (Today he told me he wouldn’t hesitate to turn me over his knee in public or in front of my sister, if the time comes where that it is needed).

i don’t suppose i’ll ever really know what made him buy me the collar.  i won’t know what ever convinced him that i truly do want this.  i won’t know how we got from ‘there’ to ‘here’.  BUT – i do know – i have to throw away the script and let him do what he was born to do – LEAD and DOMINATE.

Life shouldn’t be so scripted anyway – maybe that’s why we were just an “average American family” and yet – bored.  i don’t want to go back to that life.  i need to just relax and let him do what he’s meant to do – LEAD. But i have to learn how too.

And to remember all i REALLY have to do is – SUBMIT…. respect, obey, and did i say submit (??) … all in a way that is pleasing to HIM!

i’ll do better tomorrow, i promise….  Sir!

Hugs ~

Marie